Author's Note

Before you read, I'm going to go ahead and answer some questions. A lot of the characters have changed quite a bit without explanation, so I'm going to make a chapter to explain which characters have changed and why. Also, near the end you may have noticed that I switched between third person point of view to first person, this is a thing I might be doing every now and again where 'Pinkamena' talks about things, it can vary from her past to simple lines of knowledge. Also, those of you who are leaving dislikes, could you please pm me or comment what's wrong and how I can change it. Thanks for reading. By the way, if you see any errors, such as grammar, spelling, left off letters, or anything else, please tell me. And just to clarify, this takes place about a month after The Crystal Empire episode, so sometime in the middle of season three. But, the nightmares began after Party of One, so she's been Pinkamena a little after The Return of Harmony.

The Prologue.

No more smiles.

Pinkie Pie awoke in a sweat; her pupils dilated as she awoke from a nightmare, the same one she had been reliving every night, despite how much she hated it. She wanted to pretend that she wasn't having these nightmares: she doesn't think about it, doesn't talk to anybody about it. She can't avoid them when it comes nighttime, but, they were just nightmares, right? She kicked off her sweat-drenched covers and ran towards her bathroom; she had left the door open the previous night because she knew this was going to happen. It's been happening every night for months, why would it stop now? As soon as she ran in, she put her head in the sink, ready to get it over with. But, this time was different.

During the usual rush of getting to the bathroom, before she had an 'incident' like the first time it had happened, she didn't notice that she didn't have the urge to spew the contents of her stomach out of her muzzle like usual. She didn't have to puke, after the horrible things she experienced nightly, the terrible, unspeakable things that happen in those nightmares made her disgusted. She always vomits when they were over, but now she wasn't. Had she gotten used to it? Did these dreams no longer bother her? Or maybe, it was because she didn't eat anything last night knowing she would have just thrown it back up. But what if it was the former?

She wasn't entirely sure how that made her feel, could it be considered good to get used to dreams like that? No sane person would think that's a good thing, then again, Pinkie isn't ordinary. As she got up to try to get through another night of gore, horror, and sweat, she looked in the mirror on her way out; expecting to see her usual state of being covered in sweat and tears with dark circles under her eyes.

She was smart enough to put makeup on them; she didn't want to talk about her sleep problems, it would be best not to attract attention to any after effects. This time was different though, while she wasn't in the sorry state she thought she would be, at least what the mirror showed, what she saw was not pleasant.

She still looked the same physically, but visually was a different story: Her colors were dimmer and less joyful, even when Pinkie is at her worst, her colors never change. Well except for what happened at her last birthday party, but that didn't matter now. Her cutie mark didn't look like it usually did. Honestly, she would have preferred not having one then having a cutie mark as depressing as that. It still had the three balloons on it, but the colors looked like someone took it off, let it gather dust and waited for it to dim for years, and put it back on. It wasn't just the colors that changed either; her hair was straight and silky like seaweed, but pink, beautiful, and wavy.

Pinkie would have thought it looked attractive if it wasn't for her facial features, and yes, Pinkie was a filly-fooler; she had been ever since she realized she was in love with a particular rainbow Pegasus. Her eyes looked horrifyingly unnatural, her pupils constricted as if she was scared, but she could tell this wasn't the look of fear. Her pupils weren't the same color; they were dark red, and her sclera itself was as black as Luna's cutie mark, which looked almost like someone spilled black paint on her flank and painted a crescent moon in the middle, but that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was the smile, Pinkie knew smiles, and this wasn't a happy one; This smile was full of insanity and bloodlust, something she's rarely ever seen.

No more parties.

Pinkamena got on the train with Twilight and the small group of guards that, according to Twilight, they were just meant to be an escort group. They were trotting down the train car looking for a spot to sit in for the train ride, which wasn't very hard because there wasn't a lot of ponies on the train today. There were about four or five on the train, and all of them were in seats. But the few that weren't, only moved out of their way. Well, not them precisely, more like the guards with them. As Pinkie sat down in the nearest empty seat, Twilight tried to sit beside her, but was stopped by one of the guards.

"Princess's orders, Mrs. Sparkle, you're to sit opposite of Mrs. Pie, while two of us sit on each side of you. It's both orders and protocol." the guard thundered, his voice commanding, but gentle.

Twilight sighed at this, but understood that they were merely doing their jobs. She didn't notice that when the guards were stating how they were going to sit, the mare in question had furrowed her brow and whispered " control freaks" under her breath, but since it was so quiet, it went unnoticed. The second Twilight sat down, the guards sat down on both sides of her, doing the same to her 'friend' across from her. The train then started a few seconds later, and that's when the awkward silence started.

The silence had lasted a good hour or so, Canterlot was about two hours away. Twilight understood why the guards were quiet; it's how they were taught to be, not to speak unless spoken to by a princess or someone of high authority. Also not to repeat any heard conversations, whether it be battle plans, or civilians talking about their day at the store.

They're not allowed to speak of these conversations unless Celestia or another princess permits them, or ask themselves. Twilight knows this because she asked Celestia during her youth; she had the thought that one day, Twilight might become an Alicorn princess herself, and that she would have her guards, it was a stupid idea. No matter how much any pony works, they can't become an Alicorn. Pinkie may not know about the guard rule, and that's why she's remaining quiet, knowing what she may say or ask could potentially be used against her.

"You know, Pinkie, the guards are trained not to repeat anything we may say here unless a princess asks them to; And no matter how angry she may be, she would never invade another ponies privacy. So, go ahead and bombard me with the questions I know you want to ask, and I can guarantee that Celestia or any of the rest won't hear a single word of it." The lavender mare said confidently.

Pinkie's ears seemed to perk up at this but then retracted when her eyes met Twilight's, almost like she realized something. When her eye's looked directly into the now confused and slightly scared mare, she knew this wasn't the same pony that Twilight had met when she first came to Ponyville; it was one Twilight had met before, one Twilight hoped she would never see again.

"How can I believe you? For all I know, this could be a ploy, and you made up that rule just to get me to say something you could use against me, you're a teacher's pet after all. You're also the only one who gets any letters from dear old Celestia, and you both could have come up with this idea. Besides, even IF the guard rule is real, how do I know you won't just tell the princess yourself what we talked about anyway? I mean, you're certainly not a guard, there's no reason for you to abide by the rule, you could easily pull it off." Pinkamena said slowly, her voice both suspicious and cocky.

This accusation hurt Twilight, but she was also a little surprised. She would never have considered the possibility that Pinkie would have thought of something like this; not that she felt that the ex-party planner was stupid or anything. Just that she wasn't that smart or cunning, It was so unlike Pinkie; crafty, emotionless, aggressive, and so lacking of joy. While Twilight knew some ponies would think these would be good traits to have, she did not. They were just so unlike Pinkie, so alien, and Twilight didn't like it one bit. It was at this point that Twilight noticed not only the emotional changes, but also the physical changes.

It's true; Twilight had seen that, compared to before, she was almost entirely different; She looked like she had gotten a mane cut, and her hair was straight now, and that her colors were dimmer than before. She didn't leave Sugarcube Corner often, the only times she ever actually saw her, was when Equestria was in danger; she was usually too preoccupied to pay attention to her until this point. Her hair was straight and silky, while it looked good on her, it just simply didn't suit someone like Pinkie. Her colors were dark, lifeless, and so unhappy, it wasn't the colors of a pony who spends every waking moment making others smile.

Her eyes were the worst though; they were the eyes of someone who has lived a life of pain and misery, who has never experienced a shred of joy or happiness in their life, someone who has never given a smile that wasn't fake. That wasn't Pinkie; there was no way the stranger sitting in front of her was the Element of Laughter. Twilight knew why her mentor wanted to talk to Pinkie now; it's because there was something seriously wrong with her friend.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, PINKIE!? What happened to the pony that would spend all of her free time planning parties and making other ponies laugh? What happened to the one who always had a smile on her face, and her eyes were always so full of life and joy. Ever since your birthday party, you've been so different; you haven't thrown a single party since then, and the only times we've done ANYTHING together is when changelings attacked Canterlot or when Sombra came back." Twilight yelled, letting out all the frustration and anger out in her voice.

She didn't notice it, but Pinkie had flinched when she mentioned the dark tyrant.

"So, tell me, Pinkie, what could have happened after that party that could have turned you into such an emotionless, cold pony that used to be my friend!?" she said more quietly than before, her voice full of sadness.

Twilight's near screaming attracted the attention of a few nearby passengers, but they knew better than to intervene in an argument between two mares surrounsed by guards. The guards didn't seem affected by this unexpected outburst; they had kept the same stoic faces they had when they first came onto the train.

"You done?" Pinkie had replied after waiting for the current redder than usual lavender mare to calm down, looking utterly unfazed from Twilight's attempt at breaking down her nearly impenetrable mental barriers.

Twilight only nodded in response, knowing that if she talked, she would just have another outburst.

"Good, now to answer your question I-" Before Pinkie could respond to Twilight's verbal assault, the train came to a sudden stop, and the conductor started talking through the speakers.

"All passengers who wish to go to Canterlot, please go to the sliding doors, we have reached our destination." the conductor said quickly, nervous because of The Royal Guard members on the train.

As soon as the speaker was turned off, both groups of guards got up and stood in front of the two previously arguing mares. The one who told Twilight where to sit, presumably their squadron leader, began to speak.

"The princess told us to escort both of you safely to the castle, so, please come with us." the guard said to Twilight, making sure she understood what to do, as a situation like this wasn't very common.

Pinkie was the first to get up and go to one of the two free spaces in the middle of the guards, the other naturally reserved for Twilight. Before she could get up though, Pinkie looked at Twilight with the same lifeless eyes she had before and spoke with the same emotionless voice.

"Come on, Twilight, you're about to get your answers, and find out who Pinkamena Diane Pie is, and what turned me into this emotionless mare you think I am." She said sadistically, cockiness oozing from her voice.

At that, Twilight got up and got in the spot beside Pinkie without a word. Then the guards began to move in sync towards the exit of the train, straight towards the castle. With Pinkamena feeling bored and Twilight full of curiosity and worry, but she will soon find out that some questions are better of left unanswered.

No more joy

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S STILL ALIVE!?" Five voices screamed in the room, all different, but filled with the same emotion.

The four other ponies, excluding Pinkamena and Princess Celestia, shouted in unison with their voices full of shock sounding almost exactly alike, well, except for Applejack's accent and Fluttershy's usually quiet voice wasn't very loud. Most likely because Fluttershy doesn't often scream, While Pinkamena seemed unsurprised at the news that one of the most powerful enemies that they have fought, not only survived their efforts, but had also made a full recovery and wants to go for round two.

It wasn't that she didn't fear Sombra, while that was true; it was more that, while she didn't want to admit that she's started to believe the voice, it was beginning to make sense. The Voice has told her things that have made her think and put things into a different perspective; but now that The Voice has proved that it's not just making stuff up, and everything it's been saying is the truth, it might just change everything.

"We destroyed him, his entire body was torn apart by magic and spread out across the land, not even some pony as powerful as he could have survived that!" Twilight shouted angrily at her mentor, one of the few times that's ever happened.

Either Twilight was too angry to think straight, or she wasn't as smart as she thought. There wasn't enough information about King Sombra, his abilities, or the Crystal Empire to presume what he was capable of withstanding before death. Pinkamena had a theory or two about how Sombra had survived the magic, and she just wasn't sure whether to tell her opinion or not, her and Celestia weren't on best terms at the moment from before. So, she decided just to wait patiently and quietly for things to play out and determine whether or not to get involved, she had a lot going on personally at the time, she should put a lot of thought into this.

"I'm not entirely sure how or why he is still alive my little ponies, we are having some of the smartest investigating the matter as we speak. But the problem at hand is that he is back, and with allies. Luna and I aren't sure how long he's been hiding, but we have confirmed he has made an alliance with Chrysalis, and now has control over an army of changelings. That is why we have asked you and your 'friends' to help us either buy time or investigate Sombra. Both are equally important, because without knowing how he came back and how to prevent it, he will no doubt keep coming back. We need as much help and time as we can get." Celestia said calmly, as she looked down at all the ponies in the room, except for one.

No pony but her noticed it, but when Celestia said friends, she shot a glance towards Pinkamena, almost as if saying ' You're not good enough to be called a friend of my student.' There was an awkward silence in the room for a little while, as the five only real friends in the chamber considered being asked to either go to war or help the eggheads. It was apparent which choice some of them were going to choose.

"Hay yeah we're going to help! we've kicked both of their butts before, and we'd be more than happy to do it again!" Rainbow said as if she had already won the battle.

There goes Dash talking for every pony else; it almost made her smile at how bouncy and joyful she was, then it made her sad because she used to be that way. It made her think that she didn't deserve to love some pony like Rainbow, but she realized that a long time ago and got over it, right? After all, she was an Earth pony, and Rainbow was a Pegasus. Plus, she didn't even know if Dash was a filly-fooler or not.

Besides, even if she was, if Dash at some point in time had feelings for her, it was for the old Pinkie, not whatever she was now. Whenever Pinkie had realized this, she tried her hardest to ignore her emotions; But she couldn't help but feel her heart flutter at the sight of her.

"Or, you know, we could just...not, maybe?" Fluttershy said quietly, not wanting any part of any violence.

Fluttershy tried to avoid as much confrontation as possible, even though she helped fight the changelings, then again, she didn't have much choice.

"Darling! Whatever are you talking about like that? Of course, we have to help! We don't want someone as ghastly as that tyrant to ruin the beautiful city of Canterlot! That would ruin my sales!" Rarity said half serious, hoping to cheer up her shy Pegasus friend.

Of course, Rarity would focus on sales.

"What in tarnation are you'll joking around for now? We've got to help the Princess! Equestria needs us, girls!" AJ said like the Element of Honesty that she was, not getting that they were just joking to lighten the mood.

"Of course we'll help Princess! It's our jobs as the Elements of Harmony to help protect Equestria! We'll help anyway we can!" Twilight said happily, the anger from earlier now subsided from the calmness of her mentor's voice, making her more trusting.

After hearing that, Pinkamena started to think to herself again.

*Jerks, they're acting like I'm not even here, They're probably ignoring me, or maybe I'm so quiet now, they forgot I was here, perhaps a mixture of both, now I know how Fluttershy feels.* Pinkamena thought to herself, really hoping Celestia couldn't read minds.

After hearing that all of them wanted to help, even though they knew they could be risking their lives, Celestia couldn't help but smile.

"Thank you, my little ponies, but your efforts would be for neigh if we don't know how to defeat the enemies in front of us. So before we begin to battle, we need to do some research," Celestia said happily, glad all the Elements of Harmony were such kind and loyal ponies. Well, almost all of them.

As soon as the words 'research' left her mouth, the sound of a pegasus grunting filled the room.

"So, please tell me, since you're the only ponies who have fought with King Sombra and survived, do you have any idea how he may have come back?" Celestia continued calmly, hoping her pupils could give answers to a few questions.

After that issue, the entire room became silent, with the whole group becoming lost in their minds to any hints of their battle of how Sombra could have survived that, except for Pinkamena, she already had thought about this long before the news.

"Well, it could be a lot of different things," Pinkamena said quietly, no emotion in her voice.

For the first time through the entire meeting, the Element of Laughter finally decided to speak her mind, Celestia didn't seem to approve of this, but she didn't say anything. The others remained quiet too, as she walked towards the solar princess while keeping eye contact.

"There are a lot of different factors we have to account for, but first, we have to talk about his past more than the present. Where were Sombra and the Crystal Empire for the last millennium? How were he and his kingdom able to retain their physical features, while they should long ago have died of old age? How was Sombra able to gain control of magic like that when that kind of knowledge has long been outlawed and forbidden across before his time? There's one lead, another is related to one of the questions I asked earlier. What if one of the forbidden magic he’s learned was necromancy? If this is the case, then it would explain how both he and the entire empire had stayed alive for so long, because he just continually revives them or keeps them young. Also, who's to say that Chrysalis is his only ally? He could have had an ally beforehand, and say this was a zebra, for example, the zebra could have used a potion that revives him, and they're still working together, and the zebra is their healer. Well, that's all I have for now, sorry I was only able to come up with two leads, but I didn't have a lot of time to think of anything else. If you could give me a little bit more time, I could probably come up with a few more. Don't get me wrong; I still want to fight in the battle, I'd be more than happy to shed some blood for you, Princess. " Pinkamena continued, speaking with the voice of a scientist, a mad scientist.

The room was silent, as Pinkamena finished with a broad, sadistic smile.

No more laughter

Pinkie had just started crying, it was understandable, considering what has just transpired. Twilight already knew beforehand that this was the most likely outcome since Twilight already planned how she and the rest of her remaining friends planned to gently tell Pinkie that they couldn't be her friends anymore, in hindsight, she probably should have realized that there was no gentle way to do that. Beforehand, Twilight had spent the entirety of last night thinking about the possible outcomes since she always overdoes things that she experiences for the first time, she thought up a total of seven results, the one now was simply the most likely considering her personality type.

"Come on girls, let's leave her alone," Twilight said to the rest of the ponies in the room, no sadness or guilt in her voice.

On the way out, they had started to talk about who could potentially be a replacement for the Element of Laughter. The day before, Twilight had done some research on the Elements and learned that if something were to happen to one of them, then it was possible to replace the fallen Element. Most of them agreed that Ditzy Doo could be a suitable replacement because of her bubbly attitude, pun intended, and her ability to almost always be able to smile, despite her...unique mind.

"Well, it's settled then! let's go and tell her then-" Twilight had started speaking, but was interrupted by a smashing sound and a yelp from Applejack.

Pinkie had hit her over the back of the head with one of the seats they previously had been sitting on, seeming to knock her out instantly, also breaking the chair. Before Twilight had the chance to use her magic to subdue her, Pinkamena had tackled her to the nearest wall, hitting her head on the wall. In those few seconds, Twilight had become too dazed to cast a spell accurately, Pinkamena had put her teeth around Twilight's horn and snapped it in half like a toothpick, ruining any chance of her casting any spells.

She didn't spit out the horn though. Instead, she had balanced the horn, so she had a good grip on it. She looked into Twilight's eyes, she had a bigger smile on her face then Twilight had ever seen before, and his smile wasn't a happy one. She had raised her head higher, and if possible, her smile got larger.

"Pinkie, please don't." Twilight looked up at her assaulter, with big, pleading eyes.

That was Twilight's last-ditch effort to save her life, and to reach whatever part of the party pony that left in this monster in front of her that used to be her friend. Pinkamena seemed to flinch at this, but then, her smile got even larger, stretching to the corners of her eyes, and her pupils dilating to pinpricks.

"Pinkie doesn't live here anymore," Pinkamena said as she looked into Twilight's eyes, enjoying every ounce of pain she was inflicting on her.

Her face came down at high speed after those words left her mouth, the horn that used to make Twilight so happy is now penetrating her heart. In the few remaining seconds that Twilight had, she was looking into her killer's eyes; they had a look of such satisfaction in them.

Family, family Is the most important thing in the world, or, at least that's what many have told me. A lot of stuff that I am and have done are because of my family, so, I'd say a family is more like the most powerful thing in the world, at least my world. I grew up with a very wealthy family, I was very spoiled and loved, we were high up the political ladder and had an excellent reputation, sounds like a lovely family, right? Wrong.

Sure, on the surface it seemed like I had a perfect life, but when it was just my family and me, it was very different.

I had three siblings, two sisters, and one brother. I was on ok terms with my sisters, despite them both being snobby, selfish girls. My brother and I were pretty good friends, we hung out and made jokes every now and again, but due to him being the heir to the family, I never got to see him that often. My dad, oh, he was a piece of work. Not only did he blackmail, murder, bribe, and destroy his way to the top.

He was the kind of dad who, if you were a bully in school, he would kill the family of the sick child who was probably just wanting attention. He wasn't abusive or anything, no, abuse would have been too good for him.

He was a greedy soul, not only did he have offspring that were intelligent and beautiful, he wanted soldiers. So, he spent every free moment he had that wasn't used climbing the social ladder, making us fight him or each other or even doing physical challenges that something that young shouldn't have to do. He also wanted endurance, so, he strapped us down and tortured us, just barely enough not to kill us. I never knew my mother, not that she was dead or anything. It was just that he never allowed us to see her; I never knew what she was like or if she even loved us. My family was monsters; we grew up to think killing was nothing more than a hobby.

We took assassination contracts and even killed random civilians for sport. All of us were crazy; we were just raised not to show it. Back then, it seemed like my life was perfect and that there was nothing more I could have asked for, but now, these days, my primary goal is to kill them all. They say when you're killing monsters not to become one yourself, but what if you're something worse than a monster?

These are the type of creatures that would kill the people they love just so they could live a little longer, it takes one to know one, right? Then I guess it takes an insane, psychotic killer to kill her family who is and made her like this. We can't change, even if we could, we wouldn't want it any other way. After all, the family knows best.