Your Ass, My Size-24 Hoof

by Twianite Sparklez

First published January 1st, 1970 00:00

John Smith, an outsider to most fellow 15-year-olds, has just won a game of Magic: The Gathering with his friends, Kate, Mark and Ella, against some people who were important but have ceased to be so since they lost. How could this go wrong? A murder plot involving eight teens, four deceased? Unfortunately, no, that would be interesting. Instead, this game is followed by a four-way high-five so perfect that it rips a hole in the fabric of reality.

Chapters

I want a statue, me! Me! ME!

I want a statue, me! Me! ME!
View Online

Your Ass, My Size-24 Hoof

I want a statue, me! Me! ME!

"Welcome back girls, to the Crystal Empire." Cadence reared, separating her forelegs like scissors in a gesture capturing the landscape of the city within.

"We've been here way too many times for that intro to be cool anymore, Princess," Rainbow Dash lowered her head, sighed and raised it again, "let's get on with this."

"Rainbow, don't be like that," Twilight stepped off the Friendship Express, Spike by her side, "Cadence invited us here to see her 'spectacular' idea she had for this year's Crystal Fair."

Rainbow Dash opened her muzzle to speak, but was interrupted when a pink flash flew off the train at an impossible speed and shoved its hooves in her face to force a smile. "Ooh, ooh, ooh, is it a new type of Crystal Floss? A Crystal Party Cannon? A Crystal me?"

"Slow down, Pinkie, Ah'm doubtin' that's the surprise." Applejack contributed, following Twilight onto the platform.

"I simply must agree with Applejack, darling, if anypony was carved into crystal, it would make no sense if it were not my face on display for all to see." Applejack turned to glare at the Rarity for being so self-confident, but spared the glamorous unicorn when she saw Spike's widened eyes and nods of approval directed towards his crush.

"It a statue of me would be a lovely surprise." Fluttershy entered the scene with a soft, cheery voice, but ducked her head when everypony turned to look her way with confused stares, "Or, maybe not."

Cadence righted herself and chuckled, "Nopony's getting a statue, and it is a surprise you're supposed to bear witness to. Get comfortable, the surprise," Cadence was suddenly giving everypony around her a fierce stare, before relaxing just as suddenly, "will come later."

Rainbow Dash's eyes widened, then she hung her head and followed the other girls to the Crystal Castle. Pinkie Pie also lowered, disappointedly grumbling, "So no Crystal Floss then?"