Unrequited
Twilight Sparkle pulled two glasses out of her cupboard, laying them down on the counter as she made her way toward the fridge to pull out a two-liter of soda. As she poured the two drinks, she could hear the popping sound from the microwave nearby, along with the enticing smell of cooked buttery popcorn. She didn't indulge in such snacks very often, only during special occasions. But spending the night with her best friend was always a special occasion for her.
Once the microwave sang out through the kitchen, she pulled out her bag of sugary unhealth food, poured it into a large bowl, and carefully made her way into the living room with her feast on a wide circular tray. Sunset Shimmer was leaning back comfortably on the couch with a relaxed smile on her lips, her jacket tossed carelessly by the front door and her boots leaning against the side of the couch, with her sock-clad feet resting on Twilight's coffee table.
"What is it about the smell of popcorn that gets you ready for movies?" Sunset asked curiously.
"Psychological association, I think." Twilight sat down on the couch beside her friend and set the tray down on the coffee table. "If a person experiences two things together often enough, or for the first time, their mind can unconsciously create an association between them, so that experiencing one can bring to mind the other. It's kind of like the Pad Dog's dogs experiment, where ringing a bell will make a dog salivate because they associate the bell with food..." Twilight blushed. "I-I am not calling you a dog."
Sunset Shimmer smiled in amusement. "So what you're saying is that the popcorn manufacturers have us brainwashed."
Twilight paused, then giggled behind one hand. "I guess that's one way to look at it. Here, this one's yours." Twilight picked one of the cups from her tray and held it out to her friend.
"Thanks." Sunset took the cup and settled back with that in one hand and the remote control in the other. "You ready to do this?"
"Absolutely." Twilight set the bowl on her lap and leaned back against her delightfully cushy sofa.
The movie began and Twilight settled in with a contented smile. She had a bowl of popcorn in her lap, a soda in her hand, and her best friend sitting a few inches away. What more could a girl ask for on a cold winter's night? Well, admittedly, a decent movie would be nice, but the movie adaptation of Slumber 101 was pretty dull and insipid. She wasn't sure going in how they planned to turn a guidebook into a movie. It turned out, they planned to do it badly. She wished she could be surprised.
She twitched slightly when she felt something press against her upper back, behind her shoulders. Glancing to her right side, she saw it was just Sunset Shimmer's arm, sliding from the back of the couch around her neck. With a smile Twilight leaned back against it, turning her eyes back to the movie. She'd always wanted a big sister... and she wasn't sure what it was about Sunset that provided that. She was so self-assured, so confident, so helpful and protective. Everything Twilight could want in a sister or a friend, and never knew she wanted until the Friendship Games.
The movie droned on and on seemingly forever, but Twilight refused to turn it off. She wasn't sure if Sunset was enjoying it or not, but she didn't want to seem pushy or make her feel bad about enjoying it. It couldn't be too much longer anyway. Besides, Sunset's hand on her shoulder felt kind of nice, rubbing softly at her skin.
Twilight blinked slowly and glanced at the hand on her right side, which was massaging her shoulder with a tender, but firm touch. Twilight turned her head slowly to her left, where she saw that she was now leaning up against Sunset's side without realizing it, cradled snugly in the crook of her arm. Sunset Shimmer was watching her with a soft look in her eyes and a warm smile on her lips. Twilight returned the smile, but her breath caught in her throat when Sunset Shimmer slowly began to move towards her.
She felt frozen as Sunset's lips touched her own. Her body tensed and her eyes widened. Her heart began to race and, almost of their own volition, her arms shot up and knocked Sunset's arms away from her as she scrambled to move back. Her arm slipped from the sofa cushion and she dropped to the floor like a cat, scrambling back on her butt and giving her friend a shocked, wide-eyed stare. Sunset Shimmer looked just as shocked as she felt, her eyes wide.
"S-Sunset... wh... wha...?" Twilight put a hand over her lips.
Sunset Shimmer's eyes only got wider as a deep rosey blush spread across her cheeks. "Oh sweet Celestia, Twilight, I'm sorry! I-I thought-" Sunset leapt to her feet. "Oh geeze, I am so, so sorry! I-I mean... I-I should go..." Sunset whirled away from her. Apologetic mumbles and muttering carried back to Twilight, who felt like her butt was glued to the floor as her friend shoved her feet into her boots and plucked her jacket from the floor.
"Guh... huh..." Twilight's felt like she couldn't catch her breath enough to speak until Sunset had disappeared out the door, slamming it hurriedly behind her without even putting her jacket on.
Twilight just sat on the floor, her eyes trained on the door for several long minutes, trying to process what had just happened. Sunset Shimmer was... attracted to her? How? Why? Since when? The very idea boggled her mind. Sunset Shimmer was so nice to her, but they were friends. They were best friends... weren't they? Suddenly her mind went whirling back in time, scanning for anything she might have missed.
-"that dress looks really beautiful on you,"
Sunset Shimmer's words at Sweet Apple Acres rushed into her mind, and then Sunset Shimmer had asked if she wanted to go to dinner, the night they ran into those homeless girls... the sirens, Sunset called them. Wait... Sunset had asked her to go to dinner.
She'd asked her out.
Twilight's palm hit her forehead so hard she knocked herself to her back on the carpet, her glasses rolling off the top of her head. How was it possible for a person to be so terrible at understanding other human beings? Or... ponies? Pony-humans? She didn't know, her brain was spinning so fast she felt tears stinging at her eyes. Had her stupidity really cost her the best friend she had ever had? What if Sunset Shimmer never wanted to see her again now?
The very thought made her start crying openly.
***
The next day was appropriately gray. The thick cloud cover that rained fresh white powder down around her blocked out the sun as Twilight Sparkle marched down the sidewalk in her thick puffy winter clothes. She wasn't really going anywhere, the cool breeze and pure white world around her calmed her spinning mind. She still felt like she was reeling from her encounter with Sunset Shimmer the night before. Looking back, she could see so many moments. So many quiet moments that took on a whole new meaning now.
And the more she found, the worse she felt. She'd been leading Sunset Shimmer on this whole time. Leaning on her, accepting her compliments, her affection, her touch. She had practically been hungry for it, ignorant of their true meaning. And now...
She looked up when she heard a voice from nearby. She had wandered over to Indigo Zap's house, as she tended to do when she was out and about. They only lived a block apart, after all. From the street she could even see Indigo's parking garage was open, and two figures inside its relative warmth taking steel chippers and thick pads to the car parked within. Twilight watched them work for a moment, then stuck her hands in her pockets and moved toward the garage. She could use a distraction right about now.
"Hey, Indigo." Twilight announced her presence as she approached, seeing now that the second figure was Lemon Zest, who was wearing a lighter jacket than Twilight's, but had a thick beanie on under her headphones, and a dust mask obscuring her face. "What are you two up to?"
"Hey Twi." Indigo stood up straight and pulled her own mask down to her neck. "Just de-rusting Lightning."
"Lightning?"
"Her car." Lemon Zest giggled as she pulled her own mask down. "Cute name, huh? Lightning Zap!"
"It's uh... cool." Twilight smiled.
Indigo grinned proudly. "Thanks. You wanna help us clean her up? I have plenty of tools you can use."
Twilight blushed and raised her hands. "Uh, no thanks, I think I'd end up scrubbing all of the skin off my hands..." Twilight glanced across the top of the car at Lemon, who was shaking her thickly gloved hands in front of her as if to restore the feeling in them. "Hey, Lemon, if you're not too busy, could I ask you a few things?"
"Never too busy for you, Twi. What's on your mind?"
"Hey, I'm not giving you those sandwiches so you can stand around gabbing." Indigo smirked.
Lemon giggled back. "This is the kind of dedication you get without mayonnaise."
"Geeze, forget one little thing..." Indigo grunted.
Twilight normally would have been amused, but instead she just marched around the car up to Lemon, her lips set in a straight line. "You're... you know, gay, right?"
"Uh..." Lemon giggled. "Guilty as charged, heh."
"Have you ever..." Twilight trailed off, then took a deep breath and forced herself to finish. "Have you ever had a crush on a straight girl? A girl who might never ever like you back?"
"Oh..." Lemon's eyes shadowed over a bit and she put her hands on her hips. "Yeah, I think I can relate to that. It's one of the worst feelings in the world."
"Is it...?" Twilight bit her lip.
"Oh yeah. I mean, imagine crushing on someone from afar. He's hot, he's nice, he makes you wanna rub his abs or something. Maybe he's into you, maybe he's not, but at least you can hope that maybe, someday. But if he's a chick who's into dudes? Man, there is no hope!" Lemon Zest clenched her fists beside her. "There's not a single chance in all the flaming pits of Tartarus that it will ever happen! You can just look and look and realize that you're just too different for them! Why can't you like someone who can like you? Why can't you like boys who're into chicks? Why can't you just be normal!?" Lemon's rant faded away with slightly heavier panting breath as Twilight and Indigo both watched her in stunned silence.
Lemon straightened up to steady herself with a blush and cleared her throat. "Um, yeah, that's a bit what that's like... why do you ask?"
Twilight couldn't get out anything more than a soft squeaking sound until she cleared her throat. "Um... I-"
"Oh, Twi..." Lemon cupped her hands in front of her with a gasp. "Not you... I didn't even know you liked girls."
"N-not me..." Twilight shook her head. "I'm not the crusher, I'm the crushee... I think."
"Oh..." Lemon let out her breath and stood up straighter again. "Sunset Shimmer finally said something, huh?"
"Wh-huh?" Twilight blinked in surprise. "You knew?"
"Gaydar." Indigo nodded.
Lemon rolled her eyes with a wry smirk. "I don't need Gaydar to see the way Sunset Shimmer acts around her." She swung her arms back and forth with fluttering eyelashes. "The doting, the stream of compliments, the lavishing of attention and bending over backwards to do what she wants."
"I guess I can see that." Indigo Zap shrugged. "I've never really been the romantic type to notice."
"You'll start noticing once you actually get a boyfriend." Lemon winked, then turned back to Twilight. "Anyway, that sounds really rough, Twi, but I don't think you need to worry too terribly much."
Twilight blinked in surprise. "You don't?"
"Sunset Shimmer totally digs you, dude, and I don't think it's just because she wants your bod..." Her eyes flicked down over Twilight's body. "In fact I'm sure it's not... no offense. And I'm sure she'll want to stick by you even if you're not her girlfriend."
"But it was so awkward and she looked so upset..." Twilight shivered. "And I haven't seen her at all today... she hasn't even called. What if I really hurt her feelings? What if she never wants to see me again? I mean, I wouldn't even blame her..."
"Never wants to see you again?" Indigo scoffed. "Get real, Twilight. She organized an Olympic event for you. I don't think an awkward moment is going to make her throw all that away."
"Though to be sure..." Lemon grinned eagerly. "We could totally use details of what happened!"
Twilight felt the heat spread through her cheeks. "Is that really important...?"
Lemon Zest nodded with her lips set in a solemn line. "We need information so we can make correct assessments."
"Lemon Zest, stop trying to pry gossip out of her and get back to scraping, will you?" Indigo lowered her goggles from her head into place over her eyes. "You know Twi, if you're really worried about what she's thinking, you could just go see her and ask."
"She hasn't called me today. What if she doesn't want to see me?"
"Then she'll ask you to leave and you can talk to her later, but at least you'll be able to say you tried to do something instead of standing here being grilled for gossip," Indigo pointed out. Lemon Zest stuck her tongue out at her friend, but Twilight was already retreating into her thoughts. Maybe Indigo was right. Sunset Shimmer had never lied to her before, she'd never turned Twilight away, and more importantly, Twilight hadn't even apologized. Maybe if she did that she would feel better, and things could go back to normal. Instead here she was freaking out and wallowing in her own paranoid thoughts instead of doing things.
Just like she always did before meeting Sunset Shimmer...
"Thank you, Indigo." Twilight nodded. "I think I will go see her."
"You go get her, buddy!" Indigo gave her a thumbs up.
"Good luck, Twilight! We're rooting for you!" Lemon Zest grinned.
Twilight turned to leave, but stopped before reaching the garage entrance. She turned back, approached Lemon Zest, and threw her arms around the surprised girl's torso. "You are normal, Lemon Zest..."
Lemon grinned and wrapped her arms around Twilight. "Awwww, thanks Twi. You're normal too... no matter what those idiots at school always said." She booped Twilight on the nose with one finger as she pulled back. "Now go get your friend."
"Right, I'll call and let you know how it went." Twilight turned away, partially in haste and partially to hide her embarrassment at her sudden outburst, and rushed outside.
The bus ride out of town seemed to pass by in a heartbeat, and Twilight soon found herself approaching Sunset Shimmer's ground floor apartment. She took a deep breath and rapped her knuckles softly on the door, taking a step back to wait. She could hear movement inside until the knob turned, and the door began to open.
Twilight's breath caught in her throat when she saw Sunset Shimmer standing just inside the door, looking surprisingly calm, and even more surprisingly naked. Sunset didn't really seem to notice however. The look she gave Twilight was one of surprise, but thankfully not one of anger.
"Hey, Twilight... wasn't expecting to see you today."
Clearly, Twilight resisted the urge to say. "I-I um... I can come back later if you're busy..." She looked away, trying not to look too suspicious about avoiding gazing directly at her friend.
"Not really, I decided to spend the day relaxing..." Sunset Shimmer cleared her throat. "If... you're still nervous about yesterday..."
"I-I would like to talk about that, it's just... er... you're kind of... naked." Twilight hid her eyes behind one hand. "Kind of very naked."
"Eh?" Sunset Shimmer's voice rose in surprise, then settled down. "Ah, right. Come on in and I'll put something on." Twilight felt a hand pull her into the living room out of the cold into the heated apartment, the door closing behind her. "Sorry, I know people are really gung-ho about clothes in this world, but I guess my head's been somewhere else today."
"It's okay, not a big deal..." Twilight made her way over to the couch in the living room to sit down, peeking through her fingers to watch Sunset make her way into the bedroom. Twilight only moved her hand away from her eyes once she was out of sight. "Do you hang around the house like that very often?"
"Only when I don't plan to go anywhere or have company." Sunset's voice floated back from the bedroom. "Just don't really see the point in wearing clothes all the time. Back in Equestria they're strictly for fashion or the weather."
"Yeah, I guess I can see how that could be kind of a culture shock." Twilight watched as Sunset emerged from the bedroom, now wearing a pair of blue-jeans and her normal shirt. She joined Twilight on the couch. "Do you... do you sleep naked too?"
Sunset nodded, brushing some hair out of her face. "Yeah, when I'm alone."
"Cool..." Twilight trailed off, allowing the uncomfortable silence to engulf them again. "You know, I've heard a lot of people do that."
"Yeah, I've heard that too."
"And a lot of people shave, too." Twilight blushed. "So uh... you don't need to be embarrassed about that."
"I'm not, but thanks." Sunset's voice betrayed her smirk. "I actually kind of like being smooth. I think if I ever move back to Equestria I'll shave off all my fur and see if I can start a bald pony trend."
"No!" Twilight clamped her hands on her shoulders. "Please don't go!"
Sunset raised her hands in surprise. "I'm not! It was just hypothetical!" Twilight stared into her eyes for a moment, then jerked away to look at the door, her fingers tugging at her glasses like they were assaulting her face. This was going terribly, the growing awkwardness and silence were going to drive her crazy. She was just going to have to come out with it already.
"So has your head been somewhere else... because of me?"
Sunset Shimmer was silent for a moment until she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "Maybe. Wasn't sure what to think after last night."
"Tell me about it," Twilight agreed immediately. "I think I laid on the floor for almost an hour. I-I'm sorry."
"You?" Sunset shimmer blinked in surprise. "You didn't do anything."
"Exactly!" Twilight insisted. "I could have... should have done something. Looking back on our relationship now it seems so obvious how you felt... even Lemon Zest knew, but I was too naive and self-centered to realize it. I should have noticed, we could have talked about it a lot sooner."
Sunset Shimmer fell silent for a moment before speaking. "And I could've been more plain and honest. I knew you didn't spend a lot of time with people, I shouldn't have just assumed you'd pick up on my 'signals'. I could've just said 'hey Twi, I kinda dig you, do you wanna go out?'"
"I didn't even realize you were gay."
"Actually, I'm not." Sunset gave Twilight a soft smile when the smaller girl turned to look at her curiously. "I'm bisexual. And I guess it didn't occur to me to say so because most mares in Equestria are."
"Really?" Twilight adjusted her glasses, her discomfort forgotten in a moment of scientific curiosity. "That seems like an odd evolutionary quirk."
"It's probably a response to the other odd quirk that girls outnumber boys three to one." Sunset chuckled. "You be ready to hook up with a girl, or you'll probably spend your life alone. Or you can go into herding, I guess, but that was never for me."
"Herding?"
"A bunch of mares marrying one stallion."
"Oh. We have a word for that too. It's called polygamy here."
"Oh yeah? Didn't think humans approved of that sort of thing."
"It's uncommon today, in fact it's illegal in some places. But it's not unheard of, historically speaking."
"Huh, interesting."
Is it? Twilight chided herself. What was she doing getting lost in a science and history discussion while her friendship was on the line? She needed to focus on doing... something. She had Sunset's attention, and she had apologized... and now she realized she had no idea what she needed to do. Should she leave? Sunset still looked rather sad. Maybe she needed her space. Or maybe Twilight would just look like she was abandoning her if she tried to go. Should she try to make a joke to lighten the mood? She wasn't very funny even when she didn't feel like she was on the verge of passing out.
No... she only had one choice, especially with Sunset Shimmer. Complete honesty.
Twilight couldn't make herself look at her friend as she spoke. "Is this going to hurt our friendship, Sunset Shimmer?" The silence was almost deafening, giving her an answer she didn't want to hear almost immediately. "I understand if I... if I hurt you... but I..." She choked. "I need you, Sunset Shimmer. I wouldn't be able to deal with all of these people without you. You brought me back from absolute madness, you showed me the light of friendship, and you've been there for me every step of the way. I don't know how much further I'll be able to go without you."
"Twilight..." Sunset Shimmer finally spoke in a soft tone. "I'm not going to insult you by lying. Yeah, what happened last night... hurt. It hurt really bad, and my plan was to spend today lying in bed eating ice-cream. I've already finished off half a tub." Twilight felt a hand wrap around her fingers, squeezing them. "I may not be okay right this second... but I will be okay. And if I have anything to say about it, we will be okay."
Twilight dared to look at Sunset Shimmer again finally. Her eyes were slightly reddened, and there were two streaks running down her cheeks, but her expression was firm. "I've told you a lot of things about how great friendship is... but I never said it was easy. It's not like I know everything about it either... maybe if I was better at it I would've known better than to do what I did. But please believe me when I say that no matter how much it hurt, no matter how bad I feel... I won't turn away from you, Twilight Sparkle. You're too special to me for that."
Twilight sniffled through her smile, bringing one hand up to wipe at her cheeks under her glasses. "A relationship wouldn't work anyway... you're way too good for me."
Sunset gave her a sad smile. "I hope someday you won't believe that." Sunset brushed a finger over her cheek to wipe away the last of Twilight's tears.
Twilight opened her arms toward her, but stopped short with a blush. "This isn't going to help you feel better, is it...?"
Sunset chuckled. "Whether I feel bad or not doesn't matter. If you need hugs, I've got your back." Sunset Shimmer threw both arms around Twilight and pulled her into a monstrous bear hug. Twilight threw her arms around her friend gratefully. "And I will for as long as I can."
Twilight rested her cheek against her friend's shoulder, digging her fingers possessively into her back. "Thank you, Sunset. For everything."
"You're welcome, Twi." Sunset whispered into her ear. "Even just as a friend... you're worth it."
Author's Note
Okay, so, poll time. For the last few months I've been trying to keep the Shadowbolts Adventures relatively clean. I don't believe in censorship, but I also am not completely ignorant of the fact that there are younger folks who like to read my stories. For the time being Shadowbolts Adventures will never be Rated M, but so far it has ventured only into light T range, partly through the use of censors on certain words and exclamations. Upcoming stories might demand slightly more, and I've been told that the symbols used to censor naughty language just plain look silly.
My options are to continue doing my best to tone down (but not remove) certain content, let it go and allow the way the stories are told to mature without censoring, or to post each story/chapter twice under the story heading (one censored, one uncut) so that each person can choose their own level of comfort. Please let me know in your Comment what you think the best option would be.
These stories are for me to relax and have fun, and this won't affect the stories coming up or the direction of the series as a whole. It will only change the minor details and overall level of explicitness. And as always, either way, potentially objectionable content will be warned about in the Description.
I hope you enjoyed the episode, the series, and hope to see you back here next week.
