Chapters The Queen and I Book 3: Friends and Family
Chapter 15: /Your dreams/
Chrysalis was laughing. Not a warm, personable laugh, nor a cold, mirthless laugh.
This laughter was filled with contempt and derision; filled with joy at the suffering of others.
Celestia weakly lifted her head from where she rested on the ground, broken and bloodied. She slowly opened her one unbruised eye to look at Chrysalis, her face grim and resigned.
“You had nothing to gain by doing any of this, Chrysalis. Tell me why. Why did you do this to us?!”
Chrysalis stifled her laughter down to chuckles as she surveyed the damage. Canterlot was in ruins; not a single structure of the city was left standing. Entire chunks of the city had been broken free of the mountain, and fallen to the ground below. Fires were still raging all around, consuming everything not made of stone. The roof had been torn off of the royal observatory, granting an excellent view of the devastation, and it was on this platform – now just a simple, empty disc of stone, bereft of all its instrumentation and accoutrements – that Chrysalis stood, a small distance from Celestia.
“Nothing to gain? Why, Celestia, don't be so materialistic! There was ever so much to gain!”
Chrysalis let another laugh ring out – a haunting sound, somehow conveying malice and mirth as though they were the same concept – and happily pranced over to Celestia, her eyes glinting with joy and hatred.
“For instance, there's so much satisfaction to be gained from doing this! ”
And with that, Chrysalis' horn lit up, lifting Celestia in a sickly green aura. Chrysalis scoffed, and absent-mindedly flung Celestia off of the observatory, before trotting up to the edge to see where she would land.
Celestia crashed into the last standing corner of a stone building with a sickening crunch, sending dust and rubble flying. At this, Chrysalis was seized with laughter, as though she had just heard a joke so funny that she was physically incapable of halting the reaction. She continued this way, her twisted laughter ringing out over the ruins of Canterlot, for almost a full minute, until she was heaving and rolling on the ground, totally unable to control herself.
She slowly brought her laughter under control, tears at the corner of her eyes from the outburst, and she simply hopped back over to the edge and sprang off, like the most carefree pegasus in the world. She gently glided down to where Celestia had landed, inspecting the damage and gently removing individual pieces of rubble.
Before she could uncover her victim, however, she was blindsided by a violet blast of magical energy, catching her squarely in the left side of her face, and sending her reeling to her right. Surprised and enraged, she glanced back to her left, only to see a panting, injured Twilight, with Cadance at her side, the lights of both of their horns fizzling out like candles in a window, caught in a gust of rain.
At this sight, Chrysalis' malevolent smile returned, as a wild hunger overtook her eyes.
“Oh my, Twilight Sparkle, here to save the day! I had thought that without your friends, you would fall to despair, but it seems you are just so determined to entertain me just a bit more!”
“I still have friends, Chrysalis, and I-”
With a flare of her horn, Chrysalis conjured a magical green cup of energy, which affixed itself to Twilight's muzzle, silencing her. Twilight gave a few panicked grunts as she tried to remove it, both physically and magically, but found herself too weak to do so.
“Oh, you still have friends , you say... Like, for instance, Cadance?”
Cadance opened her mouth, fire and determination in her eyes, but whatever she was about to say went unsaid; Chrysalis hit her with another blast of sickly green energy, and she froze in place – literally.
Twilight looked in horror over at her friend, now an ice sculpture, and gently tried to touch her. At this contact, Cadance tipped over, shattering on the ground. Twilight screamed, the sound muffled by the cup over her face, and realized she couldn't breathe. Her movements to remove it became more and more panicked as Chrysalis' laughter only grew louder and louder.
And then, just like that, the muzzle melted off of Twilight's face. She took several panicked gasps of air as Chrysalis whipped her head around, eyes full of hatred, to find the source of the interference. Her eyes came to rest on another changeling – smaller than she was, but far more regal, with a glowing red, white and black pattern on her wings and mane, and a slender, curved horn.
“Ah, Chiri. Decided to side with the ponies after all, have you?”
Chiri's eyes were filled with the unforgettable, distinctive look of despair on the face of someone betrayed.
“Why are you doing this?! They're my family! You said you would never do anything to hurt me or my friends!”
“They aren't your true family, Chiri. They're ponies . If you would side with them, instead of me, then you have no use to me.”
“Use? Use to you?! We're sisters , our bond isn't supposed to be based on... on...!”
“Chiri, you were created to assist the hive – to assist me . You performed your function admirably, as it was the trust you gained from these foolish creatures that made all of this possible. Don't throw it all away now , dearie.”
At that, you could no longer control yourself. You had waited silently, unnoticed, in the corner, watching events unfold with a growing sense of disgust and horror – but you had said nothing. You had been determined to let this nightmare pass without becoming involved.
But seeing Chiri betrayed was just too much for you to handle. All of Canterlot shook from your rage and indignation, as you screamed incoherently at Chrysalis, showing yourself in the street and planting yourself between her and the one you called your sister. You were smaller than her, but you were determined to put an end to this madness.
And when Chrysalis saw you, her eyes lit up, as though a new, far more interesting morsel had crawled onto her plate.
“Got you.”
Chrysalis caught you in a magical aura, and may have intended unspeakable things for you. But your outburst did not only get Chrysalis' attention.
It also got mine.
“Begone, apparition!” I cried, blasting Chrysalis with such force as to send her under the rock of the street, carving a trough with her body. It was more force than was necessary for such things, but after seeing Celestia, Twilight and Cadance treated with such disdain, I had been shaking with rage.
You looked up at me, eyes full of wonder and hope. For a moment, we both hesitated, before you broke the silence, your voice and body shaking.
“Princess Luna?”
I nodded, a small smile teasing at my features. “Peace be to you, changeling child. I know not what events bring you to Equestria, nor why you face such terrors in the night, but you shall not face them alone, so long as you are here.”
“Are you saying that... that the nightmares will stop, now?”
I was going to tell you that the nightmares were of your own creation, and that only you could put an end to them. Oh, how mistaken I was.
I heard the sound just barely in time to raise a shield – a reflex of the waking world that Cadance had insisted was useful beyond measure – and deflect a massive chunk of rock, more than thrice my size, that had been hurled at me. Looking towards the source in panic, I realized that Chrysalis stood before me, having sprung free of the street, and then having hurled a large portion of it at me.
Where there should have been fear, I primarily felt confusion.
“How do you yet stand? You are an apparition, a being of dreams.”
Chrysalis began laughing yet again. Though I knew it made little sense to let an apparition bother me, I felt frustrated at the impertinence of this one, and I responded to her laughter by catching the still-airborne chunk of rock and hurling it back towards her.
To my astonishment, she idly sliced the rock in half with a blast from her horn, the two halves landing on either side of her. Seeing my response only made her laugh harder, and I slowly began to realize what must be happening, before Chrysalis confirmed it for me.
“This isn't her dream, you foolish princess. It's mine! ”
She gestured to you – now hiding behind me – as she spoke, and with her declaration, she sent a sickly green beam of energy at me. I considered deflecting or blocking it, but instead I opted to let it strike home. I felt myself turn into an ice statue, much as Cadance had done before. Chrysalis happily trotted forward, intent on tipping me over – only to catch a blast of energy, square to the nose, from you.
“You keep away from her! You're not going to hurt anyone else!”
Chrysalis' manic grin returned as she eyed you, stalking closer.
“Naive nymph... you're the one I'm after!”
She tried to catch you in her magical grasp again – but this time, she was interrupted by something other than magic.
My hoof slammed into her jaw, sending her into a rather comical spin-out along the street, before my mane came to life and whipped out around her, coiling around her entire body, binding her limbs – and wrapping around her horn, suppressing her magic.
“Fear not for me, little one!” I declared, the ice still melting off of me. I had hoped Chrysalis would be drawn in my by ruse of frailty, getting close enough for me to bind her before realizing that I could not be so easily harmed within my own realm – but your assault worked just as well.
Chrysalis struggled against the bonds, and I could feel them weakening. I looked over towards you and quickly added, “You must get out of here! You need to wake up – I cannot control this creature for much longer!”
You looked up at me in dismay, before looking over at the struggling Chrysalis. Tears filled your eyes as you came to a grim realization.
“Not even you can stop it.”
And then you woke up, crying and shivering in your bed, though you could only barely recall why.
The Queen and I Book 3: Friends and Family
The party had been coming together well so far. I spied Chiri and Cadance in the corner, excitedly discussing their similarities, and the possibilities for the future.
I found myself smiling discreetly, as I scanned over the rest of the room, so as not to stare overmuch at them. I had invited Cadance after seeing Chiri's Ceremony of Names; once she and Chrysalis had begun singing, Chiri began to emanate an orange glow from her wings, changing the pattern on them.
It wasn't until we saw some of the gathered changelings staggering in uncoordinated revelry that we realized Chiri was literally emanating the energy of love itself. The effect seemed to have been temporary, as her wings returned to their normal hue later that evening, but I was nonetheless fascinated by it.
Evidently, Cadance was as well. It was far more than I could have anticipated; Cadance was one of those most directly affected during the invasion of Canterlot some years prior, and I had worried she would be the slowest to embrace changeling culture. Indeed, she had seemed nervous upon her arrival – perhaps because she had to leave Shining Armor to manage the Crystal Empire, much to Twilight's disappointment – but Chiri's presence had soon remedied that.
Chiri was just so... positive, her presence so re-affirming that things were okay, that the world made sense, and that one had a friend in it. I honestly wondered if perhaps that aura of hers was subtly active all of the time, bringing peace to those who came into her presence.
But then again, ponies have said the same thing about me, in the past.
I caught sight of Chrysalis, the focus of the night's festivities. I had endeavored to do my part in putting the celebration together, but that had mostly consisted of helping Pinkie Pie find equivalent decorations and dessert ingredients in the hive. I had seated myself in the center of the ballroom's back wall, so as to be easy to find if I was needed, and so I could keep an eye on things. I had honestly worried that I should be doing more, but Chrysalis seemed to honestly be enjoyed herself.
After seeing the massive ballroom during Chiri's Ceremony of Names, Pinkie had conspired with Iqqel to hold the party there, and had put a great deal of effort into redecorating it and making “changeling style” desserts for it. Lili-Iqqel, her assistant, had assured me that the most important thing for Chrysalis had little to do with decorations or food. Indeed, Chrysalis had scarcely seemed to notice them; Iqqel had brought in some of the foals – nymphs, I suppose – from the Whitefalls Academy to visit Chrysalis on her birthday.
They had made some kind of presentation and gift for her, and it seemed to delight her to no end. Her joyful laughter and antics with the nymphs had certainly made an impression on me. At the moment, she was engaged in conversation with one of the teachers – some old friend that she hadn't had the time to speak with for years, I had gathered – and looking as happy as I'd seen her.
Iqqel certainly knew her Queen better than Chrysalis knew herself. Though I had seen no overt signs of such, I felt certain that Iqqel's devotion went beyond a professional interest in being a good assistant, or even loyalty to the crown.
Love, of one kind or another, was in play. I felt certain of that. And seeing that – seeing Iqqel's devotion, and how deeply she understood Chrysalis, including that the best way to cheer her up would be to give her the chance to see her subjects happy – I could only come to one conclusion:
Luna had to be mistaken, in some fashion.
That morning, I had received a missive from Luna, warning me that Chrysalis had – as best she could tell – terrorized the dreams of some changeling nymph within Equestria. This conflicted with our Cultural Exchange records, which indicated that no nymphs should be present within the realm – though one could certainly have slipped in by some unknown means. Luna had theorized that changelings had some kind of psychic link that allowed them to connect with their Queen, and that Chrysalis had used her trip to Equestria to terrorize the child.
Based on Twilight's description of the last rites given to Krittith, I couldn't entirely ignore the possibility of what Luna was saying. It didn't help that Twilight mentioned Chrysalis was in a particularly bad mood, and in need of cheering up, prompting us to launch the surprise party today, rather than waiting.
But as I had watched her play with those nymphs, I just couldn't convince myself that Chrysalis would do such a thing. I could feel her maternal instincts as she interacted with those children, as she encouraged them to go their own ways in the world. The idea of her hurting one out of spite just didn't add up.
So what had happened?
I was distracted from my thoughts by a changeling. He had two red, glowing eyes, and seemed to be having difficulty suppressing a positively roguish grin as he approached, head down slightly. I had sat apart from the proceedings, in an attempt to avoid distracting or interfering with anyone, which made his approach rather noticeable.
Red eyes meant a Feeder. Since coming to the hive, I had only seen them at a distance – at least, as far as I knew. From what I understood, the Feeder Caste was prone to secrecy, and avoided outsiders – even going so far as to mask themselves as other castes when possible. It made sense, I supposed; the Feeders were responsible for infiltration and harvesting of love to sustain the hive, and so secrecy was literally a part of their job. Their nature set them apart from their more hive-life oriented brethren.
It also made them the ones with the most to fear in terms of reprisal from ponykind. And so, set apart from their hive, and with the least common ground to share with ponies, the Feeder caste kept largely to itself.
Except, apparently, this one.
“Hey there! What's a nice mare like you doin' in a place like this?”
His voice was on the high end of a baritone, and came out cheerful and carefree. He smoothly walked around the table I was seated at, and leaned against the wall next to me, pulling a chair in and crossing his forelegs on it, before resting his chin on his forelegs.
His odd behavior caught me completely out of sorts, though I was determined not to let it show.
“Oh my. Are you implying that Chrysalis' ballroom is not nice?”
I quirked an eyebrow at him disapprovingly, though I had a small smirk so as to indicate that I was joking. His face carefully slid into a neutral mask, and I had the strange impression that I had just started something larger than I had bargained for.
“Oh, it's nice for some of us. Maybe not for a friendly pony from Canterlot who finds themselves all alone in a strange place, though.”
He held that neutral expression, and I was honestly unsure of how to take what he said. I decided to split the difference, my smirk still in place. Something about this exchange was nagging at the back of my mind, however.
“Perhaps I'm not so friendly.”
He gently quirked an eyebrow. This didn't seem to be the response he was expecting. I wasn't sure if that meant I had misinterpreted him, or he had simply misjudged me. I saw a small smirk creep onto his face, but that didn't clarify matters.
“I think you would have a hard time convincing me of that, being here, as you are, to support your friends.”
That response caught me a bit off-guard. Was he actually talking about being friendly? But wait, I had heard that Feeders saw friendship as a weakness, as in their line of work, trusting anypony could be dangerous. I didn't wish to seem hostile, but I also didn't wish to appear weak to the first Feeder to approach me openly. I decided, again, to split the difference, and, again, I felt odd about the exchange, like I was missing something.
“As a ruler, it pays to be versatile. Gentle and friendly when it is warranted...” I let my eyes shine dangerously – albeit a bit comically – at him for a second, my smirk deepening, “And less so when it isn't.”
He stared at me, his smirk gone and his face neutral. I raised an eyebrow at him, wondering if I had come on too strong. I had hoped that it came off as good-natured teasing, with perhaps just a hint of sincerity, but in that moment I feared I had made a horrible mistake.
Then he started laughing quietly, screwing his eyes shut and leaning on his chair for support. His laughter was noticeably odd, nearly silent and more puffing than voice, but the mirth was still clear. After a few moments of his apparently uncontrollable amusement, he looked up at me, his roguish grin from before back in place.
“Oh, Celestia. You trying to be intimidating? That's just hilarious. Everypony knows you wouldn't hurt a fly without good reason.”
I wasn't sure whether to be insulted, or proud that my reputation for fairness extended to the hive. I decided to take a different route altogether.
As he closed his eyes laughing again, I gently grabbed one of his ears in my magical aura and twisted it slightly – just enough to be uncomfortable, not really that painful. I was going to make a comment to the effect of, 'what was that about not hurting bugs?', but his reaction cut that thought short.
He jumped in surprise, giving off a very soft yelp, and nearly knocked his chair over. He blinked up at me in confusion for a few seconds, readjusting himself. In that moment, I realized what it was that had been bothering me. My jaw slackened, and when he caught sight of it, a smile crept onto his face.
“Sir... Sir Talon?!”
His eyes shone as he watched me, not responding. I began to put the pieces together. Sir Talon had been a knight in my service, one who worked diligently and hard for the sake of Equestria. He had had a bit of an 'attitude problem' as my advisors saw it, as he was frequently sassy to his superiors – always in a friendly way, but it was a level of familiarity deemed 'improper' for a knight of the realm.
I always found his presence a welcome relief. Neither disrespectful nor overly polite, he had made me feel like a valued friend. I had cared about him. Of course, that didn't stop me from occasionally tugging his ears playfully when he insinuated I was far too pampered and fragile to go deal with whatever latest threat he was sent to look into.
He always had that distinctive response.
“It was... you were Sir Talon? All along?”
He nodded gently, his smile slipping somewhat, and remained silent. I must not have looked very happy, but I was still coming to grips with the idea that our entire friendship was on false pretenses.
“There was no... original? You didn't replace anypony?”
His expression turned mildly disgusted, or offended.
“Absolutely not. I don't agree with that... approach. It's easier, sure, but...”
“It's 'an expediency that is unbefitting a true professional'”?
He glanced back at me, a grin forming. That had been something Sir Talon said frequently, whenever someone suggested taking the 'easy route' to a problem. He always preferred to do things the right way – which was often the hard way. I wasn't sure how to feel about the fact that I had admired him for that.
“Yeah, somepony might call it that.”
“So, you... nopony was harmed in the maintenance of your disguise?”
I felt uneasy bringing it up, as I could not presume to punish him or chastise him for his actions regardless of his answer... but I felt compelled to know exactly what price had been paid for that old friendship.
“Only one, m'lady.”
I blocked out the odd turn of phrase, and looked at him intently. “Which one?”
“You.”
At my look of confusion, he sighed, and continued.
“I wasn't the best-liked knight in the realm, you know? Didn't make a lot of friends in the Guard.”
I nodded faintly, my thoughts distant, as he pressed on.
“No family. I claimed to be part of the Hooves family because, hey, they're so widespread that nopony would think twice about it. But without any family, or any friends...”
“You had to feed on somepony to survive.”
He nodded, looking away uneasily. I had grasped his meaning, but I decided to vocalize it for him.
“You chose to befriend me... for sustenance.”
“I chose to befriend anypony for sustenance. I chose you, in specific, because I figured that you... well, I figured you had love to spare, and enough power not to even notice the slight difference.”
He was right. I hadn't ever noticed. If anything, I felt more alive after Talon's visits. As I thought back to some of the incredible feats Sir Talon had accomplished 'in the name of the crown', I realized that the changeling had been putting whatever he took from me to good use... for my own kingdom.
“You never fed on anypony else.”
It wasn't a question, and my tone provoked a somewhat startled reaction from him.
“Wha... What makes you say that?”
“You didn't just have an 'attitude problem' for no reason. You didn't let anypony else care about you.”
I stared down at him, right into those big, red eyes... and I saw his confidence shaking.
“Why would I-”
“Because you were uneasy enough as it was, taking from me. You didn't want to risk hurting somepony, and you knew I wouldn't have approved.”
His jaw opened and closed a few times, as he tried to work out something to say. He finally just let himself fall silent, and we started at each other like that for a few moments. With me sitting down, and him propped on that chair, we were almost eye level. He finally looked away, a faint chuckle escaping from him.
“You see right through me, m'lady.”
This time, I caught the odd mannerism, and recognized it. I nodded faintly.
“Sir Talon left the Guard just two weeks before the invasion. Medical concerns, as I recall. I tried to visit him, but I could never get an accurate address... and the aftermath of the invasion kept me focused on affairs in Canterlot for some time afterwards. By the time I looked again...”
“Sir Talon had reportedly left Equestria with his family, yes.”
“But only six months later, a unicorn showed up...”
“The scraggliest, most beaten-up unicorn you've probably ever seen.”
“With an attitude to match. Perpetually grumpy...”
“... With hardly any mane or tail to speak of, a weird-looking horn...”
“And of course, what he was called for... a single fang on the right side of his mouth. Infiltrating Canterlot only six months after the invasion... tensions were so high, you must have been scanned at least a dozen times while living there as Fang. How did you get by all of that?”
“Ah, yes, the magic for detecting and revealing disguised changelings. Works every time. There isn't any changeling disguise magic that could get past that.”
I stared at him, and he smirked back at me, his eyes alight.
“No way...”
“No one ever accused Talon of lacking spine – just sense.”
“You didn't use any magic to disguise yourself?!”
“A weird outfit, a tragic backstory and a bad attitude can take you a long way.”
I sighed, putting a hoof to my forehead and closing my eyes.
“An alchemist specializing in transmogrification...”
“No growth potions! They never reverse properly! Just look at the tooth!”
As he put on that cranky, silly voice that Fang always used, I found myself chuckling.
“What about your coat?”
He shuffled uncomfortably at that. I glanced over at him.
“... You didn't.”
“Took years for the black to come back in.”
“You bleached your coat and mane?!”
“At least I didn't have to lie about why I was all-white...”
“You said it was an alchemical accident!”
“It actually was.”
I paused at that, staring at him. Granted, Fang had known more about alchemy than a charlatan could have... this changeling must have gotten that knowledge somewhere.
“You went through all of that trouble ... even wearing those ridiculous glasses on a constant basis...”
“Infiltration's a tough job.”
“But no one liked Fang!”
“Oh, I was there to spy on you. You know, keep an eye on things. Just in case Equestria decided to invade in reprisal.”
I stared at him for a few moments before we both started laughing.
“You knew all along Equestria would never do something like that!”
“Hey, orders are orders!”
“Oh, come on! You were just finding an excuse to stick around!”
“Can't blame me. It's a nice city!”
“But you had no love to feed off of!”
“Even more reason to never use magic!”
“'Defective horn' indeed!”
“Needed some reason not to show off green magic all the time.”
I shook my head, muttering a bit to myself. The changeling ceased his soft laughter and leaned forward to speak conspiratorially.
“But come on. You suspected Fang was a changeling all along, didn't you?”
I glanced up in surprise, a smirk forming.
“Of course I did. I wasn't sure how he was getting around our detection spells, but it's not like he tried doing anything dangerous, or sneaking into secure areas... so I figured it was better to keep an eye on him.”
He shook his head, looking wistful.
“I thought you knew. Like, all of it. About Talon. About me. You always seemed to... well, you always seemed to see right through me.”
I remembered calling Fang out on acting grumpy all of the time, when he actually spent most of his time helping others. He always said I saw right through him... but apparently, not quite as much as he thought.
“You stayed in Canterlot, even though you had no real sustenance there... because you wanted to watch over me, didn't you? To ensure no other infiltrators would be stationed there.”
He just looked at me, face a careful neutral. I suppose he was worried that such a thing might sound like betraying his hive. I picked my next words carefully.
“You didn't take part in the invasion... but you want what's best for your hive. You probably felt, as I do, that peace is more beneficial than war, for both nations.”
He didn't move, but I got a sense of acknowledgment from his eyes, and continued.
“Queen Chrysalis must have been aware of your desires and intentions, but she allowed you to continue. In fact... Chiri told us that the hive received word that the leaders of Equestria were actively looking to engage in peaceful talks with the hive, at around the same time Equestria received a report that a changeling had come forward as a messenger. That was you.”
Again, it wasn't a question. The changeling nodded faintly.
“You disguised your eyes as blue, back then. No one bothered scanning an open changeling... and you put your life in my hooves-”
“As safe a bet as anyling could ever make.”
We both paused. He looked embarrassed at blurting that out, but I felt gratified to know he had such faith in me. After a moment of consideration, I held a hoof out to him.
“I suppose we have not, formally, met. As you know, I am Princess Celestia.”
He looked at the hoof, and a gentle smile touched his face as he pressed one of his own to it.
“Piro-Ammon.”
-
Ammon and I had been chatting companionably for some time before Twilight came over to us. The name seemed familiar to me, but I attributed it to the general sense of familiarity I got from the changeling for the time being.
Seeing Twilight's approach, Ammon nodded to her, before excusing himself with a mumbled promise to speak with me tomorrow, and he began making his way over to Chrysalis. Twilight nodded back, and waited for him to clear the area before addressing me.
“This party has been coming together really well, hasn't it? Chrysalis has seemed so... well, cheery for most of it.”
I rolled my eyes and smirked at the descriptor, before looking over towards Chrysalis. She was chatting with Cadance and Chiri in the corner, and by the looks of things, Cadance was at least being polite to her. Chrysalis seemed quite pleased with whatever Chiri was saying – probably relaying the ideas she and Cadance had come up with.
“I'd say so, Twilight. This is a good sign for things to come for Equestria and Hive Chrysalis.”
“Oh! Uh... yeah, I guess it is.”
“But that's not what you were really focused on.”
“Er... no. I mean, yeah, it's really important. I just-”
“It's Chrysalis' birthday party. I'm sorry, Twilight. You were right that diplomatic concerns shouldn't be the first thing I brought up.”
Twilight shuffled uncomfortably a bit before replying.
“It's just, Chrysalis was... really not doing well. This morning, I mean. She had some really bad nightmares... And now look at her!”
Twilight beamed over at Chrysalis. I started processing what Twilight had just told me. Chrysalis' bad mood had been caused by nightmares? And by the sounds of it, Twilight had underplayed just how bad things had been.
As I began to turn that bit of info around in my mind, along with a few other recent details, I started to have a gnawing suspicion.
The Queen and I Book 3: Friends and Family
Chapter 17: The foundation...
I pawed at the sheets next to my head, eyes still closed. The idea that I was awake had just dawned on me, and I had a vague suspicion that my perception of time's passage wasn't quite right yet.
Ugh... can't I just have five more minutes?
Wait... what did I want five more minutes from ? I had no particular schedule to adhere to right now. I began to settle back down into bed, my mind going blank.
Some time later – though I would guess it was only mere moments – I felt a minor surge of adrenaline go through my system.
Wait, wasn't there an important reason I wanted to get up?!
I jerked myself out of bed with a gasp, looking around frantically. For a brief, panicked moment, I couldn't remember where I had gone to sleep, and I felt my magic gathering as I scanned the not-my-normal-bedroom I had awoken in – until I remembered that Celestia and I had been staying in the hive for a few days after Chrysalis' birthday, and I started to take deep breaths, trying to calm down.
“Oh my. Twilight, are you alright?"
I heard Celestia's soft voice come from beside me, just out of my field of view.
Oh... Right, Celestia was trying to wake me up. Wow, I am really out of it this morning.
“Uh. Yes. Yes, I'm alright. Sorry, I'm a bit, er-”
“Oh no, I understand. Sorry for waking you; it really wasn't so important. You should rest. I'll, er...”
I watched Celestia trail off, moving to leave. While I was still groggy, the adrenaline had done enough for my senses that I could tell something was off.
Celestia doesn't usually act so uncertain. Why would she wake me up and then claim it wasn't important?
“Hold on.”
I put out a hoof to gently hold her from leaving, and I stared at her intently for a few seconds, mulling over what had just happened.
She must be distraught over something.
“I'm fine. Just tell me what's going on.”
My body was trying to inform me that it was not-at-all fine, and with the adrenaline gently fading from my system, I was starting to ache a little. I pushed myself to focus on Celestia, and on bringing my senses online.
Celestia shuffled a little, visibly turning her words over in her head. I hadn't seen her look so uncertain before, and it unnerved me a bit, as I tried to piece together what kind of scenario might unbalance the thousand-plus year old ruler of Equestria in this particular way.
“Well, I, erm. I asked Luna to... here. Just read these.”
Celestia shook her head slightly, and levitated over a few pieces of paper, taking great care to be gentle with them. I immediately followed suit, grasping the papers gently in my magical aura, and bringing them up to eye level.
Looks like a letter to Celestia. Must be pretty old and fragile by now, that explains the caution. Hmm...
~
I set the last of the letters down on the nightstand, my mind racing with the implications. Celestia had since fetched me some tea – well, something not quite entirely unlike tea that was popular in the hive – and it had helped me get my focus as I read and re-read a few of the letters.
“When did you start getting these?"
“It was long ago – when you were just a little foal, I'd think. I believe I received the last one just a few years before we met, Twilight.”
“So, then... who is Cecily? And what happened to her?”
Celestia shook her head gently, sighing.
“I do not know, Twilight. But I intend to get some answers.”
~
Iqqel's eyes widened when Celestia asked about Cecily, and she started to look very nervous.
That can't be a good sign... I hope we're not about to get ourselves caught in some kind of trouble.
“I... I can't tell you about that.”
Celestia's eyes narrowed, though not menacingly. She had the look of a concerned parent as she looked down at Iqqel.
Maybe she recognizes this kind of behavior?
“Perhaps you could fetch Piro-Ammon for me, then?"
“H-he wouldn't be able to tell you, either!”
“Please, miss Iqqel. Can you explain why you cannot discuss it?"
Iqqel paused, glancing off at a corner, and I could see her concentrating on mental calculations. Celestia sighed lightly, and tried a different approach.
“I'll just go and ask Chrysalis about it directly, if you're not allowed to speak on it.”
Iqqel looked up at Celestia in alarm, waving a hoof frantically.
"I don't think that's really the best idea! Please, Celestia, just... this is not a good thing to be asking about right now...!”
Celestia lightly shook her head, and I saw something like anger color her expression for a moment. I realized that her patience had been worn dangerously thin, without her giving even the slightest sign.
Why is she so disturbed by this?
“I received letters from this 'Cecily' some years ago, Iqqel. It seems to me that something might have happened to her, and I must know what .”
Guess that explains that... did Celestia feel so worried for Cecily when she never showed up?
Iqqel absolutely froze on the spot while Celestia was speaking, her eyes locked straight on Celestia's. Her jaw worked a bit soundlessly as Celestia spoke, and I saw some realization spark in her eyes.
“She sent you... oh, oh... Princess, listen, I'll go and send word that you want to speak to Chrys- er, Queen Chrysalis, and-”
“No need for that, Iqqel. I am here.”
Chrysalis gently stepped into the room – a sort of office and reception area where Iqqel coordinated subjects who wished to meet with the Queen – with a look of mild concern directed at Celestia. Celestia leveled a neutral face to Chrysalis, but somehow, a sense of defiance or determination was present, making her seem less friendly than usual.
I can only guess how that feels to the changelings.
Iqqel quickly looked back and forth between the two, and gently slid a file folder off of her desk to clasp with her wing.
“I, er, I see, my Queen. I'll leave the two of you to converse – I have business elsewhere.”
Iqqel left the room like a mare on a mission. Somehow, I got an impression that she was less trying to get away from the room – as I had initially assumed – and more that she was trying to get to something.
I wonder what she's doing...
Glancing back to the others, I saw that their gazes had locked, all but tuning out Iqqel's exit. Chrysalis' expression grew more concerned – perhaps a bit confused – while Celestia's stayed serene yet firm. It was Chrysalis who broke the silence, first.
“A guard reported that you entered the Upper Spire seeming distressed, so I came to see if you needed something.”
Celestia bobbed an eyebrow, her face remaining neutral.
“Your guards were emotionally scanning us?”
“No. They, er... they just noticed it.”
Celestia seemed a bit off-balance, so I quickly chipped in.
“It, er, is a bit noticeable, Celestia. And from what I've gathered from discussions with changelings, they can sometimes feel emotions without meaning to. Especially in the case of alicorns, and especially if the feelings are intense.”
Celestia shook her head lightly, as if to clear it, and then locked eyes with Chrysalis again, her face showing determination.
“No matter. Chrysalis, I came here to ask you about one of your subjects.”
“Oh. Well, which one?”
“Do you know of a changeling named Cecily? Or, I suppose it would be Ezui-Cecily?”
Chrysalis' confused expression swapped to shock, and she stared straight at Celestia. After blinking a couple of times, her voice came out, just above a murmur.
“Where did you hear that name?”
“Please answer me first, Chrysalis.”
Chrysalis' eyes narrowed, and I could see her gritting her teeth slightly. Her expression was still one of shock, but I could tell that something very bad might be brewing, here.
“Why are you asking about this?!”
Chrysalis' tone had become noticeably more hostile, and I knew Celestia was concerned about Cecily's safety and didn't fully trust Chrysalis. I knew things might be about to go from bad to worse. Looking between the two of them, I thought back to the evening before Chrysalis' birthday – the evening after she had given Piro-Krittith last rites...
~
I had awoken to the sounds of some kind of struggle coming from the bed next to me. After giving Piro-Krittith last rites, Chrysalis had been so drained that I opted for us to catch the morning train instead of the evening one, and we were given a hotel room for the evening. It was the last room free in the hotel, and had two beds in the same room.
“Wha... Chrysalis, you okay?"
After a moment of not hearing any response, I heard a faint cry come from the direction of her bed. I radiated some light from my horn, and slid out of bed. When I walked over to her, I found her eyes screwed shut, and her face contorted in pain.
Is she still asleep? Is she having a nightmare?
I gently set a hoof on her shoulder, and her eyes slid open, letting fresh tears roll down her face. She feebly tried to push me away, but I subconsciously swatted her hoof out of the way as I settled in closer to her, draping a wing over her.
"What happened? Are you alright?”
“I-I don't know!”
She shivered violently, and tried to push me off, but I held her regardless.
“Was it a nightmare?”
“I t-think so. I hope so...”
She buried her eyes in my neck, overcome by another series of wracking sobs. Now, I like to prepare for many things in life. Comforting a distressed changeling Queen isn't really one of them.
But reassuring a friend who is apparently having a panic attack is.
I wrapped both forehooves and wings around Chrysalis, holding her to me. I hoped that the stability and constant reassurance would help after a while, but to my surprise, after a full minute she seemed to be getting worse instead of better. I saw her horn flickering to life periodically, little green sparks jumping off of it like some kind of broken machinery.
Somewhat alarmed, I mentally ran through some of the studies I had done on changeling magic after seeing Chiri's transformation. I closed my eyes, and began gathering my magic.
I really hope this works.
I found my thoughts drifting over to my friends. I thought of Celestia, and how she could bring warmth and security to those she didn't even know.
Pinkie Pie's determination to bring good cheer and happiness to those who needed it, even if they tried to push her away.
Fluttershy's willingness to share the burdens that others faced, and to give them patience and lenience when they harmed her.
Applejack's unrelenting sense of fairness, which pushed her to be honest – even at her own expense, and only to the benefit of those she didn't know.
Rainbow Dash, who saved and protected ponies she had never met, even at great risk to herself, and was willing to give up everything she personally wanted for the benefit of those she cared about.
And there were so many others, I could hardly hope to count them all, like Spike and Zecora, who were willing to give of themselves for others. I thought about how I had forged a bond with so many individuals that had taken our friendship beyond the benevolence they showed to strangers.
It was a wonderful gift that I had been given, I decided. And I knew Rarity would tell me that it was meant to be shared.
Love magic is considered an old, mysterious art, but I had taken to solving such mysteries long ago. I didn't have a strong connection to the changeling crying into me, but I decided to take the first step in creating one. As the energy flowed into Chrysalis, her magical outbursts stopped, and her crying began to slow down.
She looked up to me, eyes full of shock and confusion.
“Why?”
“Do you know what the foundation of a true friendship is?”
Chrysalis stared at me for a long moment, and then winced as she seemed to realize what I meant. She leaned against me again, and mumbled.
“... Trust.”
~
… and I had decided to trust Chrysalis. I cut in before Celestia could re-affirm her demand to be answered first.
“She wrote some letters to Celestia years ago. Celestia's just trying to make sure she's okay, because she stopped writing abruptly!”
Celestia looked at me in surprise, but our interaction was cut short by Chrysalis' reaction.
“WHAT are you TALKING ABOUT ?! There were no such letters!”
Celestia looked taken aback by the sudden outburst, her expression shifting to concern rather than defiance.
“I did in fact receive some letters from Cecily years ago, and-”
“You must be wrong! Or lying, or... something!”
Celestia's wings flared, and anger etched itself across her face – fueled by some past sorrow.
“I spent years wondering whom this mystery writer was, and when I realized she might be in danger – given how her letters stopped arriving right after she promised to meet with me soon – I mobilized my Guard to search for her throughout Equestria, and even to make inquiries beyond!”
Wow... this must have really meant a lot to Celestia.
As she spoke, Celestia levitated the stack of letters out of her saddlebags and over to Chrysalis. Chrysalis took the letters in her own magic – not quite as gently as I would have liked – and began hurriedly skimming over them as Celestia spoke.
“Each and every letter found its way to me by different means – but it always stood out. One was even lying on my nightstand one evening, with no guards having seen anyone go in or out of my chambers! In the letters, Cecily says that her 'family ' doesn't approve of her speaking with ponies, but she has chosen to do so regardless.”
Chrysalis frantically glanced between the letters and Celestia, frustration and anger clear on her features. Celestia heedlessly pressed on.
“When she said she would come and visit, I was ecstatic to finally know who was secretly contacting me all those years! I could ensure that she could live in a place where she wouldn't be persecuted for her interests – where I could guarantee her safety and happiness. But when she never showed up, I realized something must have gone wrong – and I began to fear.”
Chrysalis began scanning over the last letter as Celestia spoke, her irritation deepening.
“What if her family had discovered her plan to come and visit me? What if they had done something terrible to her, or-”
“ENOUGH!”
Chrysalis closed her eyes and stomped a hoof on the ground as she shouted, flipping the letters onto a nearby desk. She leveled her eyes at Celestia again, frustration and anger crowding out surprise and dismay as she spoke.
“I don't know where you got the name 'Cecily', or... or what these papers are supposed to be, but I can absolutely guarantee that those letters are not from Cecily!”
Celestia looked for a moment like she might speak in anger, but her response came out composed and level.
“How can you be so sure? These letters were apparently sent in secret.”
Chrysalis' wings buzzed in irritation as she closed her eyes again, grimacing.
“Because Cecily was the name I went by before my Ceremony of Names! No one else in the Hive ever used it!”
Celestia's eyes widened, as did mine.
“So... so you're Cecily?”
“No! That's not my name any more – it never really was!”
Celestia narrowed her eyes.
“I considered a lot of possibilities. I had even considered this one. But why are you denying having written the letters, if-”
“Because I never DID write them!”
“Yes you did, Cecily!”
Another voice rang out in the office, clear and strong. I glanced over to the doorway to see Iqqel walking in alongside the speaker – a red-eyed changeling I recognized from the party. Chrysalis looked stricken by his words.
“What is the meaning of this, Ammon?! Why did you call me-”
“It seems it's past time for us to confront this issue. You did write those letters. I personally delivered them to Celestia, though I did not read them personally, out of respect for your privacy.”
Chrysalis blinked a couple of times, stammering, before she gathered her wits, drawing up to her full height.
“I recall nothing of the sort!”
Iqqel immediately cut in, her voice sounding a bit raw, to my surprise, as though she had been quite upset recently.
“But what exactly do you recall about your time before being Queen?”
Chrysalis looked off-balanced by the remark, stammering again. I saw her eyes shift around a bit as she started recalling memories.
“What do you mean? I recall everything perfectly! I recall playing music for the hive, I recall-”
“Do you remember the promise we made the night before our Ceremonies?”
Chrysalis jerked her head back, her eyes locked on Iqqel, and her face starting to show signs of panic.
“Promise? What are you... what promise? I... I-I didn't...”
Iqqel locked gazes with Chrysalis for a few moments, and started backing away. I realized she was on the verge of tears, her mouth quivering uncontrollably.
“You don't even remember... that?”
Chrysalis stared at Iqqel, horror now on her features. She slowly looked back at the letters on the desk, struggling to find words.
“I think... I might have...? I t-think I remember something about it... and the letters seem familiar, somehow. I just can't ... I can't remember writing them! I c-can't remember writing any of them, or anything about... about being a fan of Equestria before...”
Ammon set his jaw firmly before he spoke. It was clear that this was bothering him, but he was determined not to let that skew his words.
“You certainly were , though. You studied absolutely every aspect of their culture. In many ways, you became more knowledgeable than I was – and I was, and still am, considered the foremost expert among the Feeders on Equestria."
No wonder he wanted to have a chat with Celestia at that party.
Chrysalis glanced between all of us, her confusion and horror growing as the evidence mounted.
“Why , then?! Why can't I remember any of this?!"
Author's Note
Comments welcome, especially on this chapter.
The Queen and I Book 3: Friends and Family
Chrysalis steadied her breathing, biting down on the horror that had been creeping up on her. She turned to leave the office, grasping the letters in her magical aura.
“I need time to make sense of this.”
Hearing some protestations coming from behind her, Chrysalis glanced back, her emotions only barely in check in her expression.
“Please. Leave me.”
Chrysalis hurriedly trotted out of the office, trying to maintain a cool demeanor and posture – with limited success. She quickly made her way to the privacy of her own office, slamming the door behind her and settling into a couch, her breathing heavy and heartbeat rapid. Unsure of what to do with herself, or what to make of the situation, she slowly began to reread the letters once more.
~
“This doesn't make any sense! I can't seem to remember, no matter how many times I read them, no matter how much I concentrate!”
Chrysalis had spent hours reading through the letters, matching them to her life experience, trying in vain to recall writing them.
“The events... what's written down, I remember these things. I remember wanting to be a Thinker. I remember playing music... but I didn't remember that the instruments came from Equestria .”
Chrysalis spat the last word, full of venom, and glared up at the instruments in question, now fully repaired and free of any signs of damage or wear. Iqqel had evidently taken it on herself to contact an excellent craftspony who specialized in such things. The thought disgusted Chrysalis.
“A pony . Ugh.”
Chrysalis immediately jerked back, and then slowly wiped a hoof over her face.
“Promised myself I'd stop doing that.”
Chrysalis looked back down at the letters, shaking her head.
“I remember these things, but... I don't feel them. I don't remember being so... emotional. So excited. ”
Chrysalis grasped another paper off of her desk, along with a quill, scratching on it.
“Dear Princess Celestia... ”
Chrysalis looked between the two, shaking her head in disbelief at the fact that her writing style had barely changed; the letters were definitely hers. She scoffed, tossing the new paper aside.
“What could have possibly-”
Chrysalis was cut off by a sharp knocking at her office door. She froze in place, staring at the door. Having asked for privacy, she could hardly imagine that anyone would be foolish enough to disturb her against her wishes. She remained silent, listening.
Expecting to hear the sound of hooves beating a hasty retreat, or repeated knocking, Chrysalis instead gave a start of surprise when a purple flash of light signaled Twilight Sparkle's arrival in her study via teleportation. Chrysalis cringed inwardly; she wasn't sure what Twilight wanted, but it was sure to be annoying. Almost enough to distract from the outrage of a pony thinking to come unbidden – dismissed, even! – to the office of the Changeling Queen.
“Wh- I said I was not to be disturbed!”
Twilight smirked faintly.
“I'm not one of your subjects, Chrysalis.”
“But you're a guest in my realm!”
The two of them stared at each other, as Chrysalis awaited Twilight's reply. Inwardly, she felt a strangely dissonant – given recent events – sense of amusement at the situation, as Twilight had just committed a social faux pas she couldn't recover from.
“I'm not here as a guest, either.”
Chrysalis' expression went blank as she tried to figure out what Twilight could mean. Twilight, for her part, simply marched over to the couch, sat down, and set a hoof on Chrysalis' withers.
“I'm here as a friend, Chrysalis. You've been up here for a few hours, and there's something important I think you should know.”
Chrysalis stared at Twilight, tensing at the sensation of contact. Being called a 'friend' by a pony brought a mix of feelings that Chrysalis didn't have time to sort out.
“... Fine. What is it?”
“You told me you couldn't remember the nightmare you had a few nights ago, right?”
Chrysalis nodded slowly, remembering that evening where Twilight had comforted her. She felt a surge of gratitude, immediately overtaken by a wave of shame and nausea at her own weakness. Twilight simply pressed on.
“Well, as it turns out, Luna remembers it. She told Celestia about it.”
“She spied upon my dreams?!”
“I wouldn't call it 'spying'. You were having a nightmare, and she safeguards ponies – and changelings – in Equestria against them. But, the important thing is, she didn't know that it was your nightmare, Chrysalis. In fact, she was actually somewhat confused on that point.”
Chrysalis snorted. She could only believe the ludicrous story because it matched with the incompetence she had come to expect from ponies.
“She's the princess of the night, the ruler of dreams, and she can't tell whose dreams she's seeing?”
“That's just it. She usually can. But in this dream, there was a changeling drone being attacked by... well, by you.”
Chrysalis stared up at Twilight, some level of irritation mixing with confusion.
“I was attacking someone? That can't possibly be right. I may not remember the dream, but I remember-”
“I know. You were attacked, you felt hunted. You told me. Thing is, Luna was positive that the dream belonged to the drone, but she couldn't seem to banish you from it, either. She theorized that you had invaded the dream of some Equestrian changeling, that you had some kind of bond with them, but I felt she had to be wrong. You were definitely, er... attacked. You seemed attacked when you woke up.”
Chrysalis passed over what Twilight might have been about to say to focus on the implications of the scenario, instead, though she felt a pang of humiliation that Twilight might have been implying she was terrified or weak.
“... So... so what are you saying?”
“That I think... well, I've been speaking to Celestia, and she has a theory, and.. Well, it's-”
“Get to it!”
“Er, right! Well, I think maybe, y'know, since you had just channeled the spirit of the previous Queen, or whatever, earlier that day...”
Twilight trailed off, bringing a twitch to Chrysalis' eye.
“YES?”
“Well, is it possible that her spirit, or memory, or whatever, was... attacking you?”
Chrysalis bit back a hasty reply, feeling a powerful compulsion to deny the possibility.
“That's... that sounds absurd. Why would...”
“Have you ever had that kind of nightmare before? That you couldn't remember, but was really painful like that?”
“Yes.”
“... Was it after you gave last rites?”
“N... It...”
Chrysalis eyes widened. She felt so sure that this idea was absurd, and she should just send Twilight out, and forget the whole thing.
“It... yes. It was after I gave last rites before, as well. I always have nightmares after. I always chalked it up to magical fatigue.”
“Well, doesn't that seem to-”
“No! The idea is insane. The old Queen is dead.”
“But she almost attacked me in the hospital!”
“She what ? That's impossible! I may channel her, but I'm still in control!”
“I know! She said you stopped her! You don't remember? You apologized to me right afterwards!”
Chrysalis started to remember. The memory was foggy, like a puzzle piece she was missing – but all of the other facts lined up around it to form a hole that perfectly resembled what Twilight was saying. She started to feel nauseous.
“... I need to... I'm going to look into this.”
She started to feel confused.
“I'm going to fix this .”
“What do you mean?”
Chrysalis had a very stupid idea, that didn't make much sense, and probably wouldn't accomplish anything, but would probably bring disgrace to her, and demonstrate what a feeble ruler she was right in front of-
“I'm going to the Hall of Queens. Let everyone know. I could be there for quite some time.”
The Queen and I Book 3: Friends and Family
You heard the great doors of the Hall slam shut behind you, and knew that you were cut off from any kind of support; whatever challenges lay ahead, you would have to face them on your own.
You had entered this place with a bold spirit, ready to face your destiny, but that ominous sound amplified your underlying anxiety into fear. As you strode forward, eying the murals that crept along the walls as depictions of the hive's history, you couldn't shake the horrible sensation of being watched.
And watched you were, for all that occurs within the Hall is known to the Queen, and recorded by the Hall itself – or so you had been told. The idea of the Queen personally overseeing each and every Ceremony of Names sounded preposterous with how large the Hive had grown... but now that you were here, seeing this place – feeling this place – for yourself, you couldn't help but wonder.
You found yourself thinking back to everything you had ever thought, said or done that might be viewed unfavorably by the Queen; every little thing weighing on your conscience suddenly pressed down on you, a cave-in of little sins and disloyalties. The idea of a changeling's last rites had always bothered you; the idea of your entire life being on display for anyone – even your own mother – was too much for a secretive creature such as you.
Picking up your pace, you hurried to the grand doors at the back of the Hall, which were already wide open for you. To your relief, these didn't slam closed behind you, and you descended the grand spiral staircase without incident.
And so you quickly trotted out into the Hall of Queens proper; a massive hallway, with statues of all of the previous Queens lining the sides. While their features were nearly identical, their bearing and expressions – not to mention their hairstyles – were so different that they were all readily identifiable.
You had seen pictures of the statues in your studies, but that left you ill-prepared for the genuine articles; if you felt watched before, now you felt positively surrounded, stalked on all sides as the lifelike statues' eyes seemed to follow you across the room.
If it weren't for their unnatural stillness, the lifelike carving and coloring would have made you swear you really were surrounded by a dozen changeling Queens. You were so fixated on them that you only barely noticed the purple-eyed changeling sitting in the center of the hall, awaiting your arrival.
'Greetings, nymph', he said, offering his warmest smile; you recognized his voice immediately, and snapped to focus on him with a relieved smile.
Prancing up to him with sudden confidence, you said, ' Lilo-Krennet! You're going to be my confessor? I'm so relieved!'
He nodded, giving you a light brush on the head before saying, 'Yes, nymph, I shall be your confessor. I thought you might be more comfortable with someone you recognized.'
'I am', you said, 'but why are you calling me that? I-'
He cut you off with a wave of his hoof, saying, 'I know you adopted a name early, but please, at least here, respect the tradition of the names.'
You smacked a hoof to your forehead, irritated with yourself, before saying, 'Of course. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.'
He shook his head gently, his warm smile never departing, and nudged your chin up before saying, 'Worry not, nymph, I understand. Now, are you ready to begin?'
You nodded enthusiastically, and so you began the overnight confession. If it had been any other Speaker, perhaps you would have watched your tongue more carefully, but you trusted Krennet implicitly; you told him almost everything about your dreams and desires, and how you felt you could guide the changelings to a better age by adopting Equestrian customs.
Of course, even with him, even with the one you had been raised to trust implicitly with your deepest secrets, you made no mention of your letters. Nor did you mention your immediate plans to visit Equestria. As always, you were calculating, carefully measuring your words while considering their consequences.
Not even confession could coax all of your secrets from you. You were protecting Ammon, as well as yourself, and so you painted your interest in Equestria purely as a way to better the hive with ideas taken from others, making only veiled allusions to the idea of an alliance or peace – your true goals. Such irreverence, secrecy and disloyalty would, for any other changeling, bring certain condemnation.
But, the youthful indiscretions of a Queen can be overlooked.
Once you were done conversing, Krennet offered you the customary time for the seeking of your name, but you irreverently rejected him; though you were more at-ease than when you first entered, you were still eager to leave, and had no desire to rethink the name you had already chosen for yourself.
But Krennet was patient with you, and made no fuss of your disrespect. He gracefully went forward with the ceremony, and soon you found yourself kneeling at the head of the halls, towards him and the Queens; you at least had the shred of respect necessary to-
“Stop.”
You asked me to tell you what I remembered. I-
Chrysalis felt her teeth set into a snarl towards the statue in front of her.
“I tire of your nonsense . I have tried to be patient with you, but your little barbs and accusations will not be tolerated.”
It's the truth.
“Perhaps the truth is that I felt disrespect or resentment, but if that's the case, then you should simply say as much! I care not for your judgement!”
What judgement?! That your disrespect and disregard for your own society was shameful?!
“Yes!”
How could it not be?! By now, you know what ingratitude means to a Queen!
Chrysalis flinched slightly, pausing to consider how foolish she had been.
“... I do. And I know something else.”
What?
“I know that I would never judge one of my subjects based on their opinion of me! Respect is a gift, given freely , else it means nothing ! It must be earned! ”
Oh, so you're saying I didn't earn your respect?! Your own mother, who gave you every opportunity-
Chrysalis slammed a hoof into the ground, shaking the entire Hall with her fury, as she felt her scowl deepen and her teeth grit harder.
“Don't you dare to call yourself my mother .”
So even after years of being a Queen yourself, you haven't changed a bit! Not grateful for anything, no respect at all, not even acknowledging me as-
“I have lived among ponies for a time. I know what a mother is.”
How dare you compare me – unfavorably, at that! - to ponies! You think you have a right to judge me?! Even as a nymph, you were so arrogant, but what have you really accomplished as Queen?! Crying to yourself in your office about how none of your subjects will even come to visit you?
Chrysalis drew a shuddering breath.
Letting yourself slowly be replaced in the eyes of the hive by Chiri – whom, I should remind you, was put here by the machinations of those ponies?
Chrysalis snapped to attention at that, foolishly provoked to anger by the mention of her 'sister'.
“Don't you dare-”
Save it. I'm not attacking Chiri, she has a place in the hive as much as anyone; my point is that you let the ponies take control of the hive away from you. So what is it, then, that makes you think you have any room to speak this way to me? The failed invasion? The Cultural Exchange program, which has almost completelybackfired?! Or maybe I should finish the tale of how you became Queen, complete with how you broke into tears when you were told of the great honor being bestowed on you, and how you begged me to reconsider!
Chrysalis knew her mother was right, and that she should concede the point and leave this place. It was good that she had come here, to be set straight on her priorities. Now, she could capitalize on the trust she had gotten from the foolish ponies, and do something worthy of her title.
“Perhaps you should finish that story. After all, it just illustrates my point.”
What? What do you mean?
“Your child came to you, begging you not to take control of their life from them... and what was your response? Was it sympathy, or understanding? Was it respectful of my wishes?”
You were a child! Your wishes were misguided, and-
“And they were my decisions, about my life. You think you impress me, with all of this anger and noise? Do you think you will distract me from the truth by yelling at me? My eyes are open , now. Now I know why Piro-Krittith was anxious about his last rites.”
How DARE you bring him into this! YOU'RE the reason he's dead! Don't ever speak his name-
“I WILL SPEAK OF WHOMEVER I WISH, AND YOU WILL LISTEN!”
The Hall shook from Chrysalis' outburst. In this place the Queen's power was augmented, and she chose to use that gift in the most childish way available to her.
“Piro-Krittith perished without regret, having been allowed to make his own choices ! You may not understand that, but I do, and I won't allow you to run from the truth and mock me any longer! The Cultural Exchange program has brought happiness and change to the hive in ways you hardly imagined!”
At the expense of being exposed to Equestria!
“Our subjects have never had such plenty, such opportunity to learn and grow ! Hiding them from the world was never for their benefit – it only ever served the end of giving the hive a chance to strike at Equestria from the shadows. And how did that go for us?”
Who knew that they had such powerful magic...?
“I knew! But you had spread such a militaristic, anti-Equestria mindset that many of our subjects were pushing for an invasion! I remember that when I came for your counsel, you congratulated me on the intricacy of my planning, and for understanding our enemy so well!”
If you knew it might fail, why did you go through with it?
“I refused to sit and wait in perpetuity, as my predecessors had, for some mythical 'perfect time to strike' which would never come. Equestria is vast compared to our hive. Invading was only ever a fool's errand; the only thing we could realistically hope for was to take over Canterlot temporarily, and make gains from that.”
And you were willing to risk yourself just for that?
“I was told it was what my subjects wanted. With that as my motivation, I'd throw myself into a raging fire and smile as I burned away... or I'd step aside, and let my sister ascend to power in my place, no matter how much it hurts.”
I... see.
“You brought up how I was weeping in my office some time ago, but do you remember the song?”
I... yes, I do.
“But where do you remember it from? Where did I know that song from?”
You sang it just before you ascended to Queenhood.
“And it's one of the only things I can clearly remember from my metamorphosis. Why is that, 'mother'? ”
Because I... I wasn't able to suppress that memory completely.
Chrysalis felt a strange calm start to wash over her with that confession, the rage that had been driving her slowly being replaced with something else.
“As I thought. You tampered with my mind.”
I didn't want you to remember regretting your ascension. And why would you want to? It's shameful that you reacted to such an honor that way.
“And I didn't remember the letters, either. Or any of my positive feelings about Equestria. When these were brought to my attention, it was a shock.”
You were a misguided child!
Chrysalis' expression slowly grew darker as she pressed forward, and she felt a stinging sensation in her eyes – the first hint of tears.
“Why was I chosen to be Queen?”
Because of your incredible magical prowess, sharp intellect, social skills, and... and because I... because I didn't see any alternative aside from doing that, or killing you. I couldn't risk you bringing harm to the rest of the hive with your misguided ideals about Equestria. I thought that if I took you as the next Queen, you would be more likely to truly see reason.
Chrysalis looked at the ground, her eyes gently closing as she shook her head softly. She had confirmed what she had come here to confirm, and so she could stop wasting time here.
“You gave me the graduation gift of crippling self-doubt. You made me doubt myself and my friends, all to make me more pliant to your ideas.”
I've explained myself to you. What else was I to do?
Chrysalis snorted, a grimace forming in a half-hearted attempt to smirk.
“Perhaps you could have simply listened to me, and respected my opinion.”
You were an idealistic, starstruck child! You overstepped yourself, thinking you knew what was best for the hive with so little experience!
“And yet I was right, all of those years ago. We could have avoided so much pain and hardship if we had simply extended a hoof of friendship to Equestria back then.”
You can't seriously wish to ally with Equestria, even now! The treaty has put you in an ideal place to strike in the near future!
Chrysalis nodded slowly. She had indeed orchestrated the perfect situation to convince the Equestrians to lower their guard, despite the hive's previous aggressions, playing off of their incredibly naïve nature. This time, when the hive struck, they wouldn't dawdle, and wouldn't leave themselves exposed to-
“Equestria has brought us nothing but goodwill and good fortune. Even if I possessed a desire to attack them, there is no cause.”
You could have so much more by conquering them! And what do you mean 'even if'? You hate Equestria – as well you should!
“It doesn't matter how I feel about them. They've done nothing but try to help my subjects.”
They do serve a purpose, at present, I admit that, but-
“You don't understand. Attacking them, given their behavior, would be wrong .”
There was a pause, as the two Queens, old and young, considered those words. Chrysalis had clearly taken leave of her senses, as she was quickly realizing.
Have you forgotten what it means to be a changeling? We take what we desire!
“Even from our own subjects?”
What? No! From others!
“And yet there really isn't any difference. There are now changelings living as Equestrian citizens. How long do you think it will be before ponies come to request a place here in the hive?”
You're a fool if you think that will happen! Hardly any ponies have used the Cultural Exchange Program to visit the hive; why do you think that is?!
“They fear us, and rightfully so; after all, we were ruled by xenophobic, hateful bigots in the past, and have demonstrated needless hostility. As time passes, they will become more comfortable around us, and what the hive has to offer will tempt some of them to join our ranks.”
You truly believe that.
“Of course. Unlike you, I believe in my subjects... and that belief has rewarded me, time and again, even when I felt my faith start to waver. Despite the hive's opposition to Equestria, my subjects trusted in me when I asked them to be patient with the changes taking place. When I thought they had abandoned me, Chiri took it on herself to show me how much they still cared. Despite all your claims to motherly love, you never once actually respected or believed in the hive.”
They were my children...
“If you had encouraged discussion and debate of such issues in your presence, my subterfuge would never have been necessary.”
No, I didn't-
“You wouldn't have ever needed to harm me in any way.”
You wouldn't have simply taken 'no' for an answer!
“... Do you understand how debate works?”
You know as well as I do that you weren't going to back down from your position, no matter what I said.
Chrysalis sighed, shaking her head again. Of course she knew her mother was right, and that this whole endeavor had ceased to serve any purpose once she had confirmed what she came here for. Now, she could use the imprint of her mother as a scapegoat to convince the ponies that she had been free of malice all along, and-
“I wouldn't back down if I was right , and now we're in a position to see that I was ! You keep thinking of what I say in terms of trying to control me, without ever sparing a thought to the idea that you were wrong!”
All I was trying to do was help you!
“And you decided that you were the only one with a valid opinion in the world on how to do so! And you call me arrogant!”
Fine! Fine, I was wrong! What do you want from me?! What purpose does this serve?!
“I want you to stop trying to control me!”
What are you talking about? I have no power over you, aside from that which you give me.
Chrysalis immediately felt stupid for confronting her on this, since it was obvious she would lie about something of that nature. It would be more productive to simply leave her here, trapped in the Hall, and-
“One minute, you compliment my intelligence, and the next, you insult it. I'm a master of mental influence in magic; you think I can't recognize your tampering, even now?”
I never used magic of that sort on you! I only modified your memories! I changed your positive feelings for Equestria to feelings of suspicion, and I... I made you see how childish you had been, fearing your ascension, but I never tampered with your personality!
Chrysalis felt a headache growing, pain and confusion, and realized that her mother would probably try to harm her rather than admit the truth. She knew it would be a good idea to leave immediately.
“Stop it. Stop doing that! I am Queen, now! You must-”
I'm not doing anything! I can't! The power of the Hall isolates me from you, even if I had such a power to act on my own – and you should know better anyway! I'm only an imprint of-
Chrysalis was moving to leave. Chrysalis was going to leave the Hall, right now. Chrysalis was going to leave, and she was going to go to her study.
“No! No, I'm not leaving yet!”
You're releasing the spell; I won't be able to speak to you if you lose concentration. What's going on?
Chrysalis was going to go to her study, and once she had convinced everyone that everything was fine, she was going to start planning how she was going to use Celestia's foolish concern against her, and-
“I'll do no such thing! I've already made my decision!”
Chrysalis had clearly taken leave of her senses. It was a pity, since she had much potential as a Queen, but she knew that a mad ruler couldn't take proper care of her subjects. She felt her compassion for them come before her own needs; she would find a suitable way to dispose of herself, so that a new Queen could set things right.
“I've... I've become a weak Queen...”
Chrysalis had finally reached the door to the stairs, which would take her out of the Hall proper; her horn – and the door – glowed with a green aura as she prepared to use her magic to remove herself from this wretched place.
“I... I call to the Queens Chrysalis! I invoke the spirit of the hive!”
And with those words, Chrysalis wrenched her magic away from the door, and the eyes of the former Queens began to glow with an ominous green fire.
The Queen and I Book 3: Friends and Family
Chapter 21: The Queen and I
I was stunned, staring at the statues of the Hall, as the weight of my consciousness suddenly crashed in on me. Like waking up for the first time in years, I suddenly felt very small, very lost, and very alone.
Where has all of the time gone? How many years have gone by, while I've been distracted? What about my dreams, the things I wanted to do?
My breath hitched as I suddenly put my life into context. My dreams of peaceful coexistence, and the despicable invasion I had led; my rebellious stance towards the Queen, and how I had come to succeed her; the honest friendships of my youth, and the deceitful manipulations of my adulthood.
Iqqel! She grew up while I was too distracted being a Queen to notice…
I tried to shake these thoughts from my mind, but they only grew in intensity. Somehow, the immediate situation seemed so distant, so unimportant; the need to no longer be distracted by one crisis after another overwhelmed me, for a time. Snapping back to reality, I shook myself free of my reverie and straightened myself, looking across the animated statues – all of the former Queens of the Hive Chrysalis – and tried to focus.
I've made a lot of mistakes. I'm not what I thought I would be… but I have to keep looking forward. I have to take care of this, now – I can focus on the rest afterward.
“… One of you has been tampering with my mind, trying to influence my reign as Queen.”
A series of murmurs went up from the statues, who looked at each other in alarm.
“You've been able to control me so far – but no more. I'm going to find out which of you is responsible, and I'll-”
“Wait.”
I jerked in surprise. It was my immediate predecessor – my 'mother' – who had spoken. She looked at me in alarm, continuing.
“Are you absolutely certain about that?”
“Yes. It's only my projection of all of you into the Hall that has freed me – so I cannot leave until I figure out which of you it is.”
“If you're certain that one of us has been doing that… then you have to destroy the statues. All of them.”
I reeled at that suggestion. The other Queens reacted with a series of cries of alarm.
Destroy them all?! The collected memories of the Queens?! But that would mean losing the most important part of our history – the original sources themselves! Why would she…?
I could only look at her in confusion and shock.
“Why?”
“We're only imprints. We shouldn't even be close to capable of controlling an active Queen… and if we are, how many of us must have been manipulated in the past, to keep the rest of us unaware that this was possible?”
I boggled at the implications of her statement. She was right; if someone held that power, they could easily have manipulated things to hide it… and worse yet, there wouldn't be any way to tell which imprint was responsible.
“Even if I could figure out which of you was the culprit… every Queen holds an imprint of the past Queen, and so on until the first Queen of the hive. I had thought that I could try to separate the one responsible...”
She shook her head sadly, as the other statues mirrored my horror in realization.
“Because they felt like a distinct personality in your mind… but it's just not that simple. If anything threatens your sovereignty as Queen, you must eliminate it.”
The statues murmured their agreement. I looked around the hall to see a series of grim, determined expressions, and my horror grew. I had expected resistance and resentment – not quiet acquiescence.
“But… if I were to do that, I'd be alone. The hive would have lost the collective memory of its past leaders – its true guide. Why would you-”
“There's no time for that. You can't maintain the projection forever. Just… before you do it, I wanted to ask you something.”
She met my eyes with sadness. Things had suddenly become far too real for me.
“What – what is it?”
“You never did have any respect for authority or reverence for tradition...”
I shook my head in confusion.
She's bringing this up now?!
“So why did you seek my approval? Why did you always seem to care what I thought?”
“… Because… because you were my family. You were the closest I had, anyway, aside from my close friends – and that's different. I chose my friends, but you… you were always there. I think, maybe because I didn't care about your position or authority… I saw you more as a mother and less as a Queen.”
She smiled softly.
“I tried to act as a mother to all, but I still felt like a ruler to most of my subjects. I think the real reason I may have made you my successor was that… you felt more like a daughter to me .”
She gently reached out and touched a hoof to mine; I had walked closer to her statue without realizing it.
“Thank you, Cecily. I love you.”
I could only stare in silence. I finally settled on nodding to her, and she smiled again.
“Now do it. Take back control of yourself and your hive, and lead our people the way they deserve.”
I weakly nodded. After a few seconds' hesitation, and feeling the weight of the projection spell on my mind, I finally cast the spell – a simple disenchantment, more symbolic than powerful, but the Hall interpreted and augmented the command. I watched as the statues all fell apart, including hers, her smile still visible until the final moments.
What have I done?!
I found myself backing up rapidly, wracked with anguish. I knew that they were only imprints, but they were still a massive an important part of the hive, and my only connection to my forebears – and to my mother.
I can't believe that just happened… what will I do?! What will I tell everyone?!
Chrysalis turned to leave, wracked with guilt at what she'd done.
Wait. I'm… I'm not Chrysalis. I'm Cecily.
I backed away from the door, now feeling like a panicked animal.
Why… why am I not better?! Why do I still have this strange voice in my head?! Am I insane? Did I simply lose my mind? Keep it together, Cecily! You're better than this! Focus! You know this is a foreign influence – now extract it!
I focused, pulling my will and my mind together, and weaving the complex spell together. I formed a projection of the influence, and expelled it, giving it a physical form. I stared in revulsion as the form of a creature like a changeling, or a pony, took shape; broad wings, bones held together by a thin, transparent membrane, with patches of feathers hanging off of them irregularly; a horn, but gnarled, with a broken tip; a thin, dark-blue fur coat, missing entirely in patches, accented by a tattered green-blue mane; and on its flanks, crescent-shaped patches of missing fur, revealing the white skin underneath.
But most disturbing were the two sickly, green flames where its eyes should have been.
What is this twisted creature?!
It looked around, blinking a few times in confusion before focusing on me, spreading its face into a horrible grin of yellowed, broken teeth, with two distinctive changeling fangs gleaming at me.
“Well, now. You've summoned My presence to the Hall, now. Aren't you the determined one? Of course, you should know that you've been very foolish; I would have let you live out your petty existence, despite all of the trouble you've caused, if you hadn't gone so far.”
“So it was you . Who are you?”
Chrysalis recoiled as the specter simply laughed at her. She was wracked with guilt at the realization that she had eliminated the imprints of the former Queens for no reason; she knew she should stop herself before she caused any further damage. She began to charge a spell to eliminate herself, to bring an end to this madness.
I'm NOT Chrysalis! This won't work on me any more!
I dispersed the spell in my horn and leveled an acrid glare at the specter, which simply laughed again, before composing itself and staring back at with me with that sickening grin again, speaking in its deep, melodic voice.
“You're so much more persistent than the others. The last time this happened, it was so easy to deal with.”
I found my mind racing over the history of the hive.
“The third Queen. She wasn't killed in a scouting accident, you killed her!”
The specter smirked at me.
“Well, naturally. She was insubordinate, and an insubordinate servant is worse than useless.”
“I am no one's servant! I am the Queen of this hive, and unless I miss my guess, that makes you one of my subjects!”
The specter rolled its eyes – a much more disturbing gesture than it would have been for a normal creature – and clicked its tongue at me in condescending disapproval.
“If you are the Queen of the changelings, then I am their Goddess.”
I found myself rapidly piecing together what this creature's existence meant for the history of the hive.
“You've been manipulating us since the beginning. Why?! For what purpose have you tried to… to enslave us?!”
“Oh, you're less quick on the uptake than I'd hoped. I didn't enslave the changelings, I created them.”
“Oh, I figured that , but it's irrelevant ; you brought an intelligent race into being only to use them as tools?!”
“Intelligent? Changelings weren't intelligent when I created them – they were bugs, worker-drones. It was troublesome when they started thinking for themselves – though their love for each other made an excellent source of power.”
I started, staring in horror.
This monstrosity has been feeding on the hive?!
“Then… the castes. They're just attempts to… to customize nymphs for particular tasks.”
“The Soldiers were first. I think I made a mistake in delegating Feeding, though – that seems to be where this aggravating sense of self-awareness started.”
“So you fed on the love of ponies – despite being a pony yourself. You really were the original changeling… and by that mark on your flank, I can guess which pony you tried to take the place of.”
The specter chuckled at that, its grin turning sardonic.
“Celestia would have done anything to have her sister back. I was just giving her what she wanted.”
I felt my lips and snout curl into a disgusted snarl.
She's insane. I need to find a way to get this monster out of my mind!
“You resented them for casting you out after that? That's why you hate ponies?!”
The specter drew up to its full height, spreading its wings to their full expanse. It snarled in hatred, though it looked grotesquely smile-like on its ghastly face.
“You have it backwards; I already hated them. I did it to spite her , one who thought she was above me , who would live forever and watch me fall to old age – no one is above me!”
With its wings spread out like that, I got a good look at the specter, which resembled nothing so much as a sick parody of an alicorn; the crude wings were attached at different angles to its torso, and I realized they were slightly different sizes.
She wanted Celestia's power – to be an alicorn. She hates Celestia for how it turned out; that's why Celestia always brought out the worst impulses in me.
“So… all of it. The castes, the hive, the Ceremony of Names, it's all just control mechanisms so you could keep enslaving us, so you could spite-”
“I've bantered with you enough. You're more interesting than the others, but no less foolish for confronting me. As the Queen of the hive, your job is to enact My will, destroy Mine enemies – and you've failed.”
I immediately felt a horrendous pressure build up behind my eyes, like my head was going to explode. I felt the projection spell weakening, and a strange sensation – like falling asleep, but more subconscious – taking hold. I struggled to keep my tearing eyes open despite the pain, my legs wobbling as I tried to glare at her, my mind racing.
She's trying to put me under a more permanent control – I have to stop her, but how?!
“Trying to… control me with brute force? Nothing speaks of a failure to manipulate… quite like that.”
I found myself panting and short of breath, even from that small exertion. The specter snorted, its horn glowing a sickly green.
“I've no need for tact where you're concerned. You're an insect – no, even less, a shell – for My will.”
She wouldn't have bothered to manipulate Queens for so long if that were the case. WHY did she do it? How do I get rid of her?! I got rid of all of the imprints of the former Queens, my mind should be clear! She can't exist in every changeling, it could only be the Queens, but I've eliminated everything that was imparted to me at my Ceremony!
The realization hit me, and an acrid taste filled my mouth as I realized what I had to do. I began to charge a spell in my horn.
“You must have encountered others who were willing to die to stop you. At least the third Queen. That's really how she died, isn't it?”
Now I understand. It all makes sense; that's why changelings feed on others, why their love for each other isn't enough.
The specter stared at me, the tug-of-war between our horns continuing for a few more seconds before it released its hold on me, a smirk forming.
“She felt My control taking hold, and she panicked. Insubordinate to the end, and her death cost Me decades of planning. You're very clever to realize it, but it doesn't matter – even if you destroy yourself, the treaty you've made with the ponies means that next time, I will be in the perfect place to strike. Oh, the hive will need some house-cleaning – starting with that ugly half-breed 'sister' of yours – but you've done quite well for me in the long run.”
This must be why changelings leave imprints, why the ritual of Last Rites exists. It's all to ensure that her control can be passed down at the Ceremony, even if the previous Queen dies. She just swaps out with another nymph, taking away their chance at a name for themselves… and she marks them.
“There won't be a next time for you.”
That mark must be the key.
The specter looked at me quizzically, amused.
“Oh? How do you figure that?”
I'll put an end to it here.
“Because I'm willing to give up anything for my subjects. My life, certainly – but also, more specifically...”
Her reaction will confirm my theory...
The specter looked confused for a second, before horrified realization dawned on it as I concluded my statement.
“… my eyes.”
The specter barely had time to release a shriek and light up its horn again before I released my spell; a targeted love-dispersal spell, made to keep Chiri from accidentally intoxicating my subjects, unlike any magic the hive had ever had need of before, targeted at my own eyes. I had just enough time to consider the irony of it all – a society of deceivers, deceived, manipulators manipulated, parasites fed upon – before my vision faded, all of the light in the world seeming to fall away to a pinpoint and wink out.
With that one spell, I had eliminated the only other thing imparted to me at my Ceremony of Names; the distinctive, pony-like eyes of the Queen. The mechanism, I had realized, by which the Queens had been controlled, and the focal point for all of the love of the hive.
My cheek feels cold. I think… I must be lying down. I'm so tired…
I lay there for some time, my mind wandering, unable to control my thoughts, as though on the edge of sleep. I knew that if I let myself rest, I wouldn't get back up – but it was impossible to focus for more than a second on anything. My thoughts wandered to Chiri, Twilight and Celestia; I wondered if they could take care of the hive without me. In the back of my mind, I fretted about the damage I had done; my subjects would no longer be able to access the memories of the hive's past, and without me, no new nymphs would be born. I felt terrible about it, but I felt I could trust the others to take care of the hive without me; the changelings living now would be happy, even if there wouldn't be future generations. I thought of the nymphs in Whitefall, and decided that had to be enough.
I felt at peace with that. I felt the stress and panic leaving me, replaced with a soothing coolness, smiling gently. Just as I started to drift off, my mind wandered to someone else.
What about Iqqel?
My eyes snapped open – a useless gesture, I thought, but I saw something; a faint blue glow in the distance. It was almost too faint to see, like a patch of shimmering fog in the darkness, but I felt compelled to go towards it. I feebly tried to move my legs, but all I got for my trouble were a few twitches. I had to scoff in embarrassment, unable to even walk a few feet. To my surprise, the glow brightened, until it was bright as a luminite lantern shining right at me, and formed glowing blue streamers in the air above me. I watched them for some time, entranced by the beauty of the spectacle, before I realized I was upright – moving, even. I couldn't feel my limbs, but I could faintly feel the air on my face as I moved.
I heard a low rumbling sound, as some kind of gate opened for me, and I felt myself move again. The blue glow intensified, glowing white at its center, and I drew closer to it, feeling a soothing wave of warmth run through me, growing stronger as I grew closer. For a second, I worried I might be burned if I got too close, but I must have accelerated because suddenly the light was upon me. Warmth and feeling began to return to me, and sound started to fade in – when had I lost that faculty? – as I blinked and looked around in a haze, lost in a field of blue.
“Cecily! Cecily, what happened?! I heard a scream, are you okay?!”
That's Iqqel. She seems worried… but she always worries a lot.
I chuckled weakly.
“It's fine, Iqqel. Just have… er, hrm?”
I lost my train of thought. That's embarassing – good thing it's just Iqqel. I can always slip up around her – she doesn't mind.
“What?! Just have what?! Speak to me!”
“Oh, uh… just have Celestia and Chiri take care of things. It should be fine. Don't worry.”
“What… what are you talking about?! Have them take care of what?! You want me to take you to them?”
“Huh? No, no, not me, the hive. Let them take care of it, things will be fine.”
Iqqel can be silly when she's worried.
“So… so you mean you're…?”
I felt something cold hit my cheek, which made me groan and paw at it. I wasn't very coordinated, and I found my own grogginess somewhat amusing. Something amusing occurred to me.
“Hey… Iqqel?”
“… Y-yes?”
“You called me Cecily.”
I snorted in amusement.
“Oh… I'm… sorry?”
I giggled at her.
“No, no, that's good. I finally had my Ceremony of Names, get it? Went into the Hall, came out Cecily. Took me long enough, right?"
Iqqel didn't say anything in response, so I decided to just go through with my silly idea.
“So it's finally time for this...”
“Time for what…?”
I reached out with my magic for my violins, and began playing simple, deep tune. I heard Iqqel gasp in response.
She's seen me do it so many times, you would think she'd be used to it.
I shrugged that off and cleared my throat, singing.
~
What now?
What now?
What should I do now?
It's a new day, and I'll find my destiny!
The name's Cecily, I'll lead the way!
I made my journey
Filled with uncertainty
Fear and hope inside me warred
But that's over now, there's no room for doubt anymore!
Peace and hope will be my creations
I'm finally so relieved
For with this final transformation
Those dreams can be achieved!
~
What will the others say? I do not know~
Perhaps that I should leave, that I don't belong
But this is my home~
And I still believe, I'll show them to get along!
~
I subconsciously cracked a smile as I let the music fade.
“You know how the rest goes. I finally remembered how the original was supposed to go.”
Iqqel was quiet, but I felt a pat on my head. I realized she must have been holding me, which seemed a little embarrassing, but I didn't mind. I stared up at the lights some more, as the streamers seemed to become more erratic, little streaks of red, white and purple mixed in with the blue light.
“Oh, Iqqel. Can you see that? It's so beautiful.”
I feebly waved my hoof at the lights, and heard a sniffle come from her.
“Huh? Iqqel, are you crying?”
“Cecily, are you… blind?”
I looked towards her voice, seeing a cascade of light. Peering into it, I realized that the light faintly took the form of her face – and I realized that she had been the source of the light all along.
“I think that… now, for the first time, I can see what really matters.”
~FIN
The Queen and I Book 3: Friends and Family
Chapter 19: Promise (Come back to me)
Gotta make it, gotta make it! When she closes those doors, no one outside will be able to open them!
Keep flying. Faster. Ignore the pain in the wings. Fly faster.
There... There she is! She just opened the doors! - “ WAIT!”
“Wha- Iqqel? What is it?”
“What do you think you're doing?!”
“Twilight didn't tell you? I'm-”
”YES , she told me what's going on, but why are you going into the Hall?!”
“It's the only place where I can-”
Just stop - “Queens only go into the Hall two times ! To be born , and to die !”
“I can use the Hall to sort this out. I'm not-”
“Don't you dare lie to me!”
Can't stop crying.
I can't even breathe. It's like I pull air in, but it does no good.
“... Iqqel, what makes you think I'm here to die?”
“Because I know you! If you thought that you were, that you were... if you thought it would be better for the Hive, you wouldn't even think twice about it!”
“Iqqel, it's my-”
NO! - “DON'T! Don't you even... even start with your, your 'duty' speech, your... no!”
“I'm the Queen! I'm-”
Cecily! - “No, you aren't! Not everything is about your... your job! ”
“It's not a job , it's WHAT I AM!”
“No! No! No, it isn't! It's what you do ! You want to know what you are ?! Well let me tell you, then. You're a person , and you can't measure the what of a person without the who . You're the little nymph that... that...”
Breathe. Focus.
I wish I could stop choking. 'What I am'? I feel like I'm going to be sick... - “You're the one that wanted to bring peace and happiness to everyone. You're the one that cared so much about... about everyone , the Hive, Equestria, your friends, ponies you hadn't even met, you... you did so much! You threw yourself into every study, every field, anything that might help people . You're Cecily !”
“That wasn't me ! I changed , I became-”
“You haven't changed where it matters at all ! You wouldn't be standing here, ready to, to throw your... to give up everything, just because you, you seem to think that... that what? That the Hive doesn't need you anymore?”
“It doesn't! I've become worse than redundant, I'm an active hindrance at this point! I can't stop hating all of this, dreaming of some way to betray Equestria or... or something , and I know I can't. I can't do that to the Hive, I can't do that to Chiri ... I can't do that to Twilight, but I just can't stop-”
“It doesn't matter! We'll all help you! We'll work through it, over time!”
“Iqqel, I have to stop this cycle, somehow. I can't risk the Hive being brought down by-”
“Do you have any idea how important you are to me?”
She looks taken aback. I guess she doesn't know after all - “I can't. I can't keep quiet any more. I was never cut out for this, this role as a Speaker. I can't keep hiding what I think and trying to... to wait for you to understand.”
“What are you talking about?”
How did I end up in this situation? I feel so sick... why does it feel like I'm burning? - “I can't lose you. You're the most important person in the world to me, I-”
“Iqqel, I've always appreciated your loyalty to the hive, but-”
AAARGH! - “This isn't about loyalty ! It isn't, I don't... I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR 'JOB', okay?! I never did! I became a Speaker because I needed to stay close to you , not to this, this Queen you seem obsessed with being!”
“I never meant to upset you, I'm just trying my best to do what I think is right!”
Great, now we're both crying - “How could it be what's right to take you away from me?!”
“I'm... this is what I have to do, for the benefit of-”
“How do you just not understand ?! There's more to consider than just what you think is important for the 'good of the hive' or, or whatever it is you're so obsessed with! I don't care about losing my Queen , I care about losing you !”
“But I'm a failure ! Even Chiri would be better at-”
“You're not a failure! You're still that same nymph that inspired a whole new class of Makers because you were determined to show off that Equestria had innovative ideas in instruments! You're still the same person that said they would do anything , whatever it took, to make things better!”
“But that's exactly what I'm trying to do!”
“Based on the assumption that you're worthless ! You aren't! How could anyone willing to sacrifice so much for everyone else be... just...”
I just can't let this happen. I can't stand it. I don't even care about the risks to the hive. I can't... - “I can't lose you. I know you're trying to do what you think is right, but I can't ...”
Because I love you - “Because I...”
I love you - “I... I can't. I'm such a coward...”
Try to breathe. Try not to be sick.
She's holding me. It's ironic, I guess, since I came here wanting to protect her- “Promise me.”
“Promise what?”
“Promise me you will come back.”
“... I can't make that promise.”
“Then... promise me that you will believe me. That you will believe what I said, that you're... you're important. That you're good. That you're needed . Promise me that... whatever happens, you'llthink twice before...”
“... I promise.”