Zecorap

by Fernandothestraw

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy
Length: 1560

Zecora becomes a rapper

After finding out that the successful rapper she had grown so obsessed with was actually her friend, she has decided to become one as well.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-12 12:09:20 UTC

The new rapper in town

When I came to drop and I rise to the top

Imma kill imma chop and the beat won’t stop

Then I fall, but I pick myself up the ground

Nopony’s stopping me from winning this round

Devouring my haters break their necks

I rap so fast they got heart attacks

I’m the sensei, you minions please call me master

And try to catch up, cos I’m going faster

(Pause)

Let’s go!

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Zecora turned off the radio. The fast rap was too fast for her mind to keep up. She breathed heavily, feeling the adrenaline rush surging through her body.

“That shit I heard is hella dope, the next one would be just as good, I hope.

She turned the radio back on, The next song came up. It was just as dope.

Listen, Lil Gayne yo a worldwide clopper

Don’t even speak to the worldwide chopper

Wish I got a leash, gotta tie it to your collar

Nigga earning millions while yo worth 2 dollar!

“Ooh!” Zecora’s head was spinning from the sick burns delivered to the wannabe rapper lil Mane. That rapper had killed it again. Yes, it was the same rapper. So dope was her lyrics that for the first time in her life, Zecora could not speak in rhymes. This in itself is almost an impossible feat, again highlighting the dopeness of the 2 tracks.

“I got to find out who this rapper is, for her lyrical flow is making me jeez.”

Normally, she could form much better rhyming couplets. However, she’s still overwhelmed by the dope lyrics.

She left her hut and headed to Ponyville. Zecora is a hardcore rap enthusiast— she is definitely not going to let such a talented rapper slip past her. She’s going to find out the rapper’s identity, and she’s going to go hard on all of her albums. She will indulge in the sick flow of lyrics day and night.

From a distance, she spotted a green unicorn. It was lyra. Besides the mane 6 and Spike, Zecora is still quite untrustable among Ponyville residents. Lyra however was an exception. She had always had an obsession with African culture and help a keen interest in learning Zebronics. Ever since their first hanging out they become cool with each other and start hanging out often. Zecora taught Lyra some zebronics while Lyra in turn shared information on humans to her.

“Yo, Zeco ma swag zigga how yo being?” Lyra greeted her. It is ironic that Zecora by default should be the one speaking in that manner. If a stranger were to hear the two ponies converse without seeing them, 90% of the time they would identify Lyra as the zebra.

“I’m doing quite fine, no monsters under my bed,” Zecora joked. Lyra grinned as if it was the funniest thing in the world. “Though there is this song that’s simply stuck in my head.”

“Nah playa, yo be playin’ the fool man! How is I suppose to know what the song is if yo don’t tell me. C’mon, dude, I ain’t gon’ miss dem wack songs yo!”

“Alas, I’m in a catch-22 situation, you see, the name of the song, I know not what it is!”

Lyra frowned. “Really, zigga? Nevermind yo. Just sample a verse from dat song. See if I can catch dat.”

Alright. but be careful, this verse is dope as buck, you might lose it, and in your mind it will forever be stuck.”

She cleared her throat.

“Ahem…

Listen, Lil Gayne, yo a worldwide clopper

Don’t even speak to the worldwide chopper.

Wish I got a leash, gotta tie it to your collar

Nigga earning millions while yo worth 2 dollar!”

Too bad Lyra was not careful enough…

“Holy bejeezus!” Lyra gasped heavily as she rolled on the floor hysterically. The lyrics had sent her into a euphoric seizure. Moments later she recovered, but was still in a daze.

“yo dawg dat the rapper who got lotta fame nowadays. Damn! Bitch was dropping hits after hits. Net worth gotta pass 200 million bits real soon. Bought all her dope ass albums, they be worth every single bits man! Come to ma crib, homie, I got a whole lot of albums dropped by this rapper.”

“This offer is making me beam with glee, you are indeed a dear friend to me.” Zecora happily clapped her hooves as Lyra led the way to her cottage.

When they reached Lyra’s cottage, Bon Bon was seated on the couch watching a show.

“Hi Lyra.” She greeted Lyra who was walking past her. “Erm… you too, Zecora.” Bon Bon, unlike Lyra, was not too fond of Zecora. Probably because she is a closet xenophobic or maybe also because she’s suspecting Lyra having an affair with Zecora.

Zecora suddenly heard a growling noise, it was coming from her stomach.

“Damn! Silly ol’ me ain’t got no meal fo ya. Ma bad.” Lyra went to the kitchen and got a large tray of cakes.

“I being experimenting yo! These babies be infused with weed. C’mon, take a bite. You ain’t a real zigga until yo try this shit!”

Under normal circumstances, Zecora would have just delivered a fatal blow on the groin. She hated drugs, and absolutely loathed being associated with drugs just because she’s a zebra. However, this is different. This is Lyra. Lyra always means good. Lyra won’t mock. Nopony mocks her anyways, for she is a zebra whom everypony fears to a certain extent yet few could disrespect.

Zecora never took drugs in her life before. Lyra was a different case. She was completely hooked on drugs and had a whole collection of them in her stash. When she wasn’t drugging, she would be probably drinking, or sexing Bon Bon, or both at once. One time she did all three at once and needless to say, the outcome was pretty ugly.

Zecora was in a dilemma. She wanted to decline, but was afraid that it might come off as rude. After a few seconds, she had decided to give it a go. What’s the worse that could happen?

Soon the two ponies were in Lyra’s room, stuffing their snouts with cakes. The aroma from the weed infusion permeated the entire room, further intoxicating the already inebriated duo.

“Yo, this shit intense. Let’s listen to music man!” Lyra slurred.

“Could you please play me hits from that new rapper? The more songs of hers you play, the better.”

Even in her zoned-out state, Zecora’s rhymes remained flawless.

“Yeah man! This be turnin’ me up yo! And me already high as buck. Higher than dat, I gon’ hit the sky!”

Lyra pulled a CD out of her shelf and slotted it into the music player. It was the most successful hit from that popular hip-hop artist.

They did not manage to hit the sky, but it was close enough. When the beats dropped, the duo simultaneously jumped up and hit the ceiling. Normally this would have hurt a lot but in their intoxicated state, they felt no pain.

Change yo name Lil Mane

Change it to Lil Payne

Cos yo a literally Payne in the ass

Uneducated fool go back to elementary class

Thing you pathetic shit’s better than 6pac’s?

Without that legend’s hits you’d be working at Macs!

“Damn!” Lyra was once again hurtling on the floor. Zecora was speechless and she herself could barely control it. This was probably one of the best diss tracks ever.

“Hey guys, what’s the commotion about?” Bon Bon peered into the room.

“Dem dope ass tracks sure on fire yo!” Lyra grinned back foolishly at Bon Bon.

“K,” Bon Bon rolled her eyes and closed the door. Lyra must be on drugs again.

“So, Lyra, tell me what is the rapper’s name, and how within such a short amount of time, she had gained such fame?”

“Sure dawg. 2 years back, shit rapper Lil Mane claimed he better than pac. Such fool yo! So of course the rap industry is pissed but they ain’t do nothin’ bout it. Then this rapper came along and turned the situation around. Her dissing was sure as hell killin’ it. Last I heard, her first diss track sent Lil Mane into a 3-day depression. Damn! Of course words got out and rapper gained overnight fame. Ever since then she be droppin’ bombs at Lil Mane and makin’ hits after hits.”

“My dearest friend, stop beating about the bush. Just tell me who it is and not keep me in suspense, you douche.”

“Alrighty, mah homie. Oh yeah, just to let you know, I know her personally yo! She was mah homie last time. She be in Ponyville, we had a blast together often!” Lyra puffed out her chest in pride.

“And she the homie everypony should know! You know why? Because she had a good relation with a princess. A princess, yo! Zigga be wack enough to hang out with royalties. Damn!”

Lyra stared at Zecora. She was fuming and steam could be seen literally coming out of her ears.

To that she laughed sheepishly. “Oops, mah bad. Sorry for keeping it so long. I don’t know if yo find this name familiar or not. But she’s really the pony everyone should be homies with! Her name is Pinkie Pie.”