Epic Rap Battles of Equestria: Starlight Glimmer Vs.Sunset Shimmer

by MasterZadok

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Equestria Girls, Random
Length: 508

Battle of the unicorn antagonists! Mayor Marx versus Bacon Hair!!

In the one corner, we have the cultist leader, the crusader for equality, and the crusher of identity, Starlight Glimmer!

And in the other, the ruler of Canterlot High, the royal apprentice, and the redeemed world-walker, Sunset Shimmer!

Ladies! Let's get ready to rap!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-12 21:24:53 UTC

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EPIC RAP BATTLES OF EQUESTRIAAAA!!

STARLIGHT GLIMMER!

VS.

SUNSET SHIMMERRRR!

BEGIN!

SG:

Well hello, Sunny darling, I’m so pleased to have you here

You’ll try to challenge me? Then I’ve nothing left to fear

I’m the mayor of Our Town, a city under my rule

And in the other corner there’s the bully of a little high school

A rap battle you say? I’ll knock you out of the park

What can you hope to throw at me besides your precious cutiemark?

SS:

Starlight Glimmer, was it? I guess you must be new

Give me one good reason why I should waste my breath on you

I’m a prodigy, intellectually, the best that there will ever be

The princess held me back ‘cause she was too afraid of me!

I don’t bring a white flag, I bring my foes to their knees

You’d be safer playing “house” with your Stepford ponies.

SG:

Heads high, ponies! Marching proud!

Such arrogance simply cannot be allowed

I stand hoof-to-hoof with Twilight, subdued the main six

Will you fight me with your gossip and petty Photoshop tricks?

I perfected Starswirl’s spell, doomed the world many times over,

And you’re still about as magic as a three-leafed clover

SS:

This is my coronation, not a hippie hoedown

Don’t forget it took all six MCs to try and bring me down

You were scarred as a filly? What a horrible cliché

You let life run you over, I just carved another way

Sirens, scientists, it doesn’t matter the lineup

I’m not even an Element and I can still pony-up!

SG:

No magic, no plans, as a villain, you’re all fails

As if it weren’t enough you hang out with Snips and Snails

Ruling over cliques? Chasing after boys?

Let’s be honest, you’re just a marketing device to sell more toys

I’m a powerful philosophy, all your strength is just physical

Just the cookie-cutter bully from High School Musical

SS:

The old me really was awful, but believe me when I say,

That my past does not define me, ‘cause my past is not today

You were kicked out of your own cult! How the mighty sure have fallen

Why don’t you crawl back to your precious commie senpai, Joseph Stalin?

I’ve broken down walls on both sides of the glass,

Meanwhile you’ve just got a fetish for every other pony’s –

SG:

QUIET!

Your arguments are as wavy as the bacon in your mane

I’m a premier and a finale, you’re just a side-plot royal pain!

I’m a redeemed villain now, so I’m sorry if you’re butthurt,

But your development’s as dry as my staff from the desert

SS:

And to you, Starlight Glimmer, what more can be said?

You were even more ignorant than those ponies that you led

I’m the epitome of clemency, you couldn’t get it through your head,

The only world where we’re all “equal” is where everypony’s dead…

WHO WON!?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC!

RAP BATTLES!

OF EQUESTRIAAA!!