The Eternal Pursuit of Academia

by artimus

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 7984

When one's feelings are taboo, are they worth pursuing?

After Twilight finishes her research on a new spell, she finds herself presenting it in person to her longtime mentor. The meeting between the two brings back old memories, new questions, and familiar feelings.

Are social norms more important than one's feelings? Is a love that is considered 'wrong' worth seeing through?

Update 12/29/12: Okay, so I'll be going on hiatus until I get a better idea of how this will be going. When I come back, I'll be beginning by revising the first few chapters for flow and character bingbangbozzles. So, until then, happy reading!

Published 2012-06-06 00:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-09 12:27:46 UTC

Discovery and Rediscovery

It was on the eighth that I made my discovery. A new, revolutionary spell which would…er, revolutionize the way I study. Ever since I first picked up a book I encountered the problem. No mage or scholar had ever crafted the solution. That is until I, Twilight Sparkle found that spell to solve the world’s oldest problem:

How can I read two books at the same time?

It was an incredible discovery! World-changing! Every pony would celebrate this achievement and read multiple biographies of my research into the subject. All read simultaneously, of course! However, before I reported this finding to the press, I knew I had to release it to one very important pony. The one I owed my skill to and the one who would appreciate it the most.

It was because of this that I called Spike to come to my side, quill and paper in hand, to write of the new spell to my mentor Princess Celestia. “Ready!” Spike announced, lifting his quill in emphasis.

“Excellent!” I cleared my throat, albeit a bit smugly. “Dear Princess Celestia, it is with great joy and pride that I write to you of my most recent and, in my humble opinion, greatest accomplishment yet: I have found the means to grant ponies the ability to read up to two separate items simultaneously. You may expect a full report in pony as soon as possible! Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Twilight…Sparkle…Got it!” Spike announced as he held the scroll to his face, breathing his impressively green fire on it. The letter vaporized as the resulting smoke floated quickly through the window toward Canterlot.

“Good job, Spike! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to work on my report.”

“Sure. I'll tell you when the Princess wants to see you for it!”

“See me? Don’t be ridiculous, Spike, I’m going to send it through dragon mail like always.”

Spike eyed me confoundedly. “Um, Twilight. Unless you plan to have me send you through dragon mail, I don’t think that’s going to happen.

“What are you on about?” I asked, annoyed at being held back from my writing.

“Well, you promised it in pony.”

I froze. “I…what? No, I didn’t…” But I did! In my excitement, I foolishly promised the Princess a full report to be delivered myself. “Oh, no! I can’t possibly…but I haven’t done that in years!”

“What about your friendship reports? You deliver those in pony occasionally.”

“Oh c’mon, Spike, those are small time. Sure, they’re important, but they’re hardly about some huge, world-inspiring innovation!”

“Hmph! I think you’re just—“Spike was cut off as he grasped at his throat, eyes wide as if being strangled by an invisible predator. Suddenly and with a loud belch, Spike spat green fire as a scroll landed on the ground in front of him. “Ugh, I hate being cut off like that!”

“Oh, no! It’s the Princess! I know she’s going to be upset that I’m wasting her time! Or she’s going to be mad that I still want her guidance!” Or worse, I thought, she would reject my offer. Spike picked up the scroll and began to read.

“My faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. It appears congratulations are in order! I must express my excitement in this new advancement in academia. If there was any pony to solve this problem, though I didn’t realize it was one, it would have to have been you! I look forward greatly to seeing you deliver your report. I hope tomorrow morning would be a good time for you to come? I’ll have a carriage sent first thing in the morning. And, speaking as your teacher and friend, I must express how proud I am of you. You never fail to impress me, Twilight Sparkle. Your mentor and friend, Princess Celestia. See, Twilight? No reason to…Twi?”

Spike tried to get my attention, but I could hardly notice him. I had stopped fully processing what he was telling me at ‘I look forward greatly to seeing you.’ All I could think was that the Princess wanted to see me. Me! No matter how many times it happened I was always astounded that Princess Celestia wanted to talk to me.

“Wheneversgreatseeyouthenyourfaithfulstudenttwilightsparkle!” I shouted incoherently at no one in particular. Spike saw my rambling as his cue and recorded my message. I hoped once I realized that he had sent the scroll that he edited my words just a bit. Or at least punctuated them.

\\\\\\\\\\\\

I can still remember the first time I arrived at Canterlot Castle. I was a little filly then, nervous but excited to begin my studies. When I left the carriage, I craned my neck up to take in as much of the massive castle as I could. This is my new home? My eyes drifted to a particular tower on the west side of the castle. One of the driver pegasi had told me on the way that it would be my room. The thought of living so high up gave me a sense of vertigo upon seeing how far the room was from the ground.

“Twilight Sparkle!” I heard an exuberant voice called from the direction of the castle door. It had been swung open and from inside the castle trotted a tall, thin, marble-white pony, sporting a massive horn and two beautiful, long wings. Adorning her flank was a bright yellow cutie mark depicting the sun. She carried a kind smile as she looked at me. “How wonderful to see you again, my new student!”

I felt flush, overcome by the sheer authority of the imposing figure, yet strangely comfortable. I quickly bowed, casting my eyes directly toward the ground. “Hello, Princess Celestia! It’s an incredible honor to…to be here. Thank you so, so, so, so…” I continued rambling until I heard close hoof steps approach. Opening my eyes, I looked up to see the Princess standing directly in front of me, maintaining her gentle gaze.

“It’s no trouble at all, really Twilight. Actually, it’s my honor!” My eyes widened at that. “You see, it’s been hundreds of years since I had a student with so much potential.”

“You mean, you’ve taught other ponies, too, Princess?”

“In fact, you just might have heard of him. When I met him, he had a great deal of power and discipline. His talents led to incredible discoveries and even his own title: Star Swirl the Bearded!” I stared blankly at the Princess. How I didn't know about Starswirl even then is beyond me! “He created the anmiomorphic spell?” My confounded gaze persisted. The Princess chuckled. “Fair enough. I have more than enough books on the subject of ancient unicorn history you can peruse to your heart’s content. Until then, I believe a tour of the castle may be in order?” I nodded enthusiastically, looking behind her to the castle with a renewed sense of excitement. That excitement was a bit tempered, however, when I felt my stomach growl. The Princess, without missing a beat, spoke plainly “I think we should begin in the royal dining hall, do you not?”

I let slip a bashful grin and nodded gratefully. “Thank you, Princess.”

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

“Twilight Sparkle!” I heard the Princess call my name the moment I stepped out of the carriage, my saddlebag hanging loosely from my body. Spotting her trotting through the door of the castle, I shouted back, running toward her in excitement. She leaned her head down to nuzzle mine. “It’s a grand occasion, my faithful student! But besides that, it’s always wonderful to see you.” I couldn’t help but feel bashful at the greeting.

“Thank you, Princess.”

“Oh, don’t worry about being so formal. Please, just Celestia.” She smiled at me, repeating the same request she made upon every visit I make to Canterlot. I returned an uneasy smile of my own.

“I’m sorry, Princess, it’s just weird calling my teacher by her first name.”

As she had every time before, the Princess nodded understandingly and changed the subject. “Well, tell me how have your
studies on the magic of friendship been progressing?”

At her question, I felt a bit of guilt strike my heart as I averted my eyes in shame. “I’m afraid that I haven’t been as…attentive a friend as I should be. I haven’t actually seen my friends in a while. I’ve been so busy with this spell!”

The Princess maintained her smile, but I could detect a hint of disappointment in her features. “Well, I can understand. Just make sure you don’t ignore them for too long, Twilight. Otherwise you might find yourself without their support when you need it or worse, losing them altogether.”

“I understand. Thanks, Princess.” I grinned up at her apologetically.

“Well, no reason to stall any longer, I suppose.” Princess Celestia announced as she turned back toward the castle. She began her walk toward the door as I followed. After only two seconds, I felt a light pain in my stomach and heard a loud, obtrusive grumbling noise. I jumped a bit at the noise, embarrassed by my body’s interruption. “Actually, I’m feeling a bit peckish. How about we have that report in the dining hall. After a light meal, of course.”

I grinned at my teacher gratefully. “That sounds great, Princess,” I said as I followed her into the castle.

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We sat in the dining hall that day as we did all those years ago. The first time I saw the great hall, I was impressed. The gigantic room was ornately decorated with gold lining the top of the walls. The massive room was filled with the succulent scents of several foodstuffs, all laid out on a large low-sitting table filling a good twenty percent of the room. Along the table where dozens of pillows, making seats for nearly any amount of guests the Princess would desire. It seemed like overkill for this occasion, but I didn't take notice at the time. There were plates full of daisy sandwiches, numerous trays full of different flowers, hay fries and more. I had never seen so much food at one time even on the biggest holidays before that day. “I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I gave my chefs free reign. I’ll admit maybe they took it a bit too far,” she chuckled. The Princess was at the edge of the table while four pillows away, I sat in amazement.

I looked over the spread hungrily. I had been famished since arriving. I looked over to my new mentor who sat, watching me expectantly with kind, gentle, unreadable eyes. I was so hungry! But I didn't want Princess Celestia thinking I was some kind of pig! Finally, I set my eyes on a plate of sandwiches next to me. Just a small sandwich, that should be enough. I reached for the plate with my hooves, but caught The Princess in the corner of my eye.

I know! I’ll show the Princess some of my magic. Maybe she’ll be impressed! With that thought, I closed my eyes and focused my mind on the sandwich sitting on top of the plate. I felt my horn become warm as I concentrated all of my thoughts on the sandwich. Curious if it was working, I peeked a single eye open and looked at the target. Alas, a faint, blinking aura had wrapped around it. I did it! Now, I just…”Ack!” I exclaimed as a wave of magic came over my mind, overwhelming it, causing a short, intense burst of pain. The pain was intense, but it was forgotten as I recovered to see the entire plate engulfed in the aura. I watched in horror as the plate began to float and shake, as if two forces were pulling on it in opposite directions.

Oh no! No, no, no! This is all wrong! The Princess is going to think I can’t handle performing magic and she won’t want to teach me! As my thoughts turned to the alicorn sitting at the edge of the table, the plate began to move quickly, launching toward her. In retrospect, a huge rookie mistake. No! I can’t stop it! Not when it’s going this fast! The plate closed the 25 foot gap in a second, spinning and sending its contents hurling in all directions. I couldn't watch! I shut my eyes before impact, expecting a ‘splat’ and a scream.

When after a few seconds I heard neither, I opened my eyes toward the Princess and gasped at the image before me. The plate and its contents had stopped instantaneously in front of the Princess, who still maintained her gentle demeanor. A white glow surrounded the items as they moved toward each other. She promptly reassembled the sandwiches, placed them back on the plate and took one for herself, putting the plate back on the table. “Thank you for passing the sandwiches, Twilight. I was just about to ask for one,” she said with a genuinely grateful tone. Another sandwich became engulfed in the magic as it floated over to me as I stared in amazement.

After a few seconds, I felt my eyes tear up. I was a failure! Unable to even eat with the Princess without screwing it up somehow! I finally spoke up after several more seconds of silence. “Princess, I’m so, so, sorr—“

“That was an impressive display of power, Twilight Sparkle. Not many ponecan throw something so heavy at such a high speed so easily! However, we will have to focus on controlling that talent, won’t we? Until then, let’s focus on eating!” With that, my teacher grinned at the sandwich, picking it up with her hooves. Thankful for the Princess’ understanding, I did likewise, blinking away my tears and biting into the food. At the moment, the sandwich was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

The nostalgic taste of fresh daisies from the Princess’ personal kitchen stimulated my taste buds. The sandwich tasted exactly how I had remembered. I grinned stupidly at the first bite as I was brought back in time, the sharp, crisp flavor of the lettuce intermingling with the sweet taste of the daisies, spread generously between the tangy bread. Reinvigorated by the filling meal and my own nostalgia, i felt satisfied with my expertly-crafted lunch. I was vaguely aware that outside of my recollections my beloved mentor watched me with an amused grin. Had I not been so enamored with my memories, I would’ve felt embarrassed at how I must have looked, though in retrospect I must admit I prefer the Princess when she let her usual professional demeanor give way to something more informal.

The Princess finally snapped me out of my reverie, her voice echoing in the halls and loud from her close distance to me as she sat at the table’s edge. I had chosen to sit a bit further from the Princess than I would’ve liked: about two places away. It’s not that I’m unaccustomed to sitting so close to her, but the butterflies in my stomach became increasingly aggravated the closer I sat to her. I have my reasons why, but I’d just as soon keep them to myself. “I must say, Twilight, I was surprised to hear that you wanted to deliver this report in pony.”

My stomach, which I don’t mind saying was only temporarily quelled from its constant leaps by the sandwich, kicked back into overdrive at the prospect of the task that lay ahead of me. It was a surprise to me too, believe me, I thought as I swallowed what I was chewing and cleared my throat to respond. “Yes, well, I just thought…Well, I mean, you know…It’s just so important so, I thought…Hey, why not!” I stammered out. Having only been given a day to work on my report, let alone rehearse it, my confidence wasn't as high as it could have been. I mean, this was way bigger than a friendship report!

The Princess nodded understandingly, ignoring my clearly nervous behavior. “Indeed! It’s been so long since you’ve delivered a report in pony outside of your friendship studies. I imagine it will be just like old times! Oh, when was the last time you delivered a good, thorough report orally, my dear student?”

How was I supposed to remember so far back? “Oh, I don’t know…I think about 2 years, 3 months, 7 days?” Oh, yeah, that’s how. The Princess blinked at my recollection but a graceful smile returned to her face quickly.

“Oh, of course! That was your impressive account on the magic of Starswirl the Bearded, if I’m correct?”

Once again, I was brought back in time. “Yes! I rather enjoyed creating that one.” And I did! I remember spending so much time in the library that the staff knew exactly what books I needed out and even provided coffee for my more hardcore study sessions. “I can’t imagine that must have been all that interesting for you, hearing about somepony you knew so well. After all, who knows better about a great unicorn than the Princess who taught him everything he knew?”

“Oh, Twilight, I always love hearing about all of my little ponies, especially hearing my student’s thoughts on such important figures. In fact, Starswirl is a pony I have every student research so I might hear their perspectives on his work. Besides that, his work went far beyond what I taught him, wouldn’t you agree? Such a fascinating life…” I noticed the Princess’ voice drifting off. I couldn’t help but recognize it as the same effect my voice took when I would talk about her. She quickly recovered. “Well, all of this reminiscing has me more excited than ever to hear about your new discoveries! And to hear how you’ve grown in your speech craft. If it’s alright, I would like to hear it now.”

I swallowed again, mustering my courage. This was it! I stood, pulling the scroll containing my report out of my saddlebag, cleared my throat, and began. “Our world is about to enter a new age of duality…”

The Road is Paved

Pre-note: Okay, so I realize this chapter is a bit shorter. Subsequent updates aren't always going to be so short, but I want to put this up as something of a feeler. So, feedback is appreciated as usual. Consider this a preview chapter, if you'd like. I'm not certain it'll stay up, but right now that is the plan. So, enjoy the chapter!

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Now that I’m taking the time to really think about these events, I’m getting a clearer idea of how I landed in this awkward situation, being forced to make a heavy choice. For the most part, it’s because of my actions and mistakes that got me here, both to Canterlot and my predicament. Though, I can’t say it was only me. Far be it from me to place any blame or accuse the Princess of thoughtlessness or malevolence. Quite the opposite in fact! After all how could she have known my feelings? Still, now that I’ve come to the next big event on this road I’ve travelled, it feels that while I was the one walking down this path, my mentor had a hand in laying the steps.

As I came to a close on my report, the knot that had been so tight in my stomach unraveled and I felt relaxed. The Princess, meanwhile, watched me talk with rapt attention. Yet, rather than feeling anxious at her scrutiny, the Princess’ gentle, patient eyes calmed me. Speaking the final words of my presentation, I nodded gently to indicate my closing, rolling up the scroll and replacing it in my satchel. The Princess’ ever-present grin expanded by a hint as she sagely nodded back. Her hooves lifted into a light applause.

“Excellent work, my dear student! It sounds like your efforts weren’t in vain. Though, I’ll admit I wasn’t sure if this particular issue was such a problem, you’ve convinced me that your solution is an ideal!”

I felt my heart leap as the familiar feeling of the Princess’ praise washed over me. I allowed myself a grin. “Thank you, Princess. It’s true, nobody ever really talked about it before, but I’ve long felt that the ability to only read one thing at a time is a hindrance.”

“Well, I can’t argue the usefulness of such a thing. Though, if you’ve become so devoted to your studies that you require this spell, does that mean you no longer have time for your friends, Twilight?” She looked over me skeptically, but not harshly, though I felt an immense guilt at her glare all the same.

I stuttered in my response, “Well, of course I have time for my friends!” I tried to continue but stopped, casting my eyes down in shame. “But, maybe I haven’t been making as much time as I should have lately. I’ve been so busy putting the finishing touches on my work that I’ve barely even been outside the library. I’ve had Spike running my errands and whenever any of the girls come by, I’ve been brushing them off,” I felt a pang in my heart as I recalled several cases of my refusing to help my friends because of some recent breakthrough, “even if they needed me.”

I looked back up at the Princess, somehow expecting a judgmental stare at my neglect. She sent me to Ponyville specifically to make friends, after all. Instead, I saw understanding in her eyes. “Your studies are important, Twilight, but so are your friends. You must remember to make time for them and to be there for them when they need you. Otherwise, my faithful student, you could find yourself alone when you most need someone at your side.”

I felt the truth in her words but could only nod. “You’re right, Princess. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize to me, Twilight, though a few words to your friends could do some good.” The Princess stood from her seat, approaching me. Her horn lit and pulled my report from the bag at my side. “Of course, you didn’t come here to be lectured. So, let’s have a look at your work.”

Grateful at the opportunity to change subjects and redeem myself, I prepared myself to answer any of the Princess’ questions.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

“Well, the problem with that is that using the Higg’s method, while easier and less straining, results in a minor case of extreme spontaneous combustion.”

I heard the Princess swallow at my response to her question of ways to reduce the wear of the spell, one of the only real problems with my spell. “That sounds quite painful. So, it seems that’s out for now. But, Twilight, so far using this spell, assuming an average of reading one book for 8 hours without it, with the strain this magic uses, it won’t even double that amount. A unicorn with a strong conviction could only gain about the equivalent of 2 more hours. While it’s a major step forward, it hardly seems worth the magical effort. One would be far too drained to even eat after even 5 hours of continuous use!”

“Actually, I’ve managed 8 hours myself.”

“Twilight, that’s incredible!”

“But the amount of time I had to spend in the hospital resting afterward sort of nullified that advantage.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the Princess’ features contort into concern. “Twilight…” She began.

“I know, Princess, but I’ve learned to be more careful since then, I promise.”

The Princess’ didn’t appear reassured. “Twilight, I’m not sure if you should continue this research alone if you’re being so reckless.”

What?! How could I stop now after so much work?! “Well, what do you suggest,” I responded, a bit more vitriolic than I intended.

“Maybe you should take a break. You’ve made wonderful progress, perhaps it’s time to step back.”

“But I can do so much more! I just need the time and resources!”

“Like the kinds of resources Canterlot’s labs can offer?”

“Yes, but I don’t know where I can find that kind of equipment and know-how in Ponyville!” I brought my hoof to my temple, rubbing it vigorously in frustration. It wasn’t for lack of trying that saw me without much to work with in Ponyville.

“Then, why not work here?”

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Have you ever been asked a question that you know can change the course of your life? Sometimes it’s obvious. “Do you want to move to a new city or stay where you are?”

Sometimes you only have a vague inkling that it’s an important question that will lead to a big change. “Should I stay in tonight or go to the club?”

This was one of the latter questions. At the time, I didn’t stop to consider the implications as I would have now. If I felt the same way I would even later that night, my answer might have changed.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

“Work here?” I asked, not sure I understood the Princess. “You mean, away from Ponyville?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. Come back to the castle to continue your research, Twilight. It’s not as if I exiled you when I sent you to Ponyville.”

“But, what about my friends? Didn’t you just tell me that I should make more time for them?”

“And you should, but you know your friends are always welcome here and you can always take time off to return to Ponyville. Twilight, I don’t want to send you back home and have you being careless with your research again. At least let me help you in any way I can. Surely, you can get more done here?”

But what about Spike? Could he take care of himself? What about Owlowiscious? If I stayed here, would I even want to go back to Ponyville? What about the library? No, I can’t stay here, I have too many commitments in Ponyville. I should just relax with my research and focus on my friends.

“Yes, of course I can, I’d love to stay!”

Ah. Thank you, mouth. You’re always there for me when I need you.

“Well, it’s settled then! Of course, the library and Spike will be taken care of. I will send one of my experienced librarians to tend to him and your home. Of course, you can communicate with Spike whenever you’d like with my help.”
I knew Spike wasn’t going to be happy, but now that I had said yes, I couldn’t bring myself to change my mind. “Thank you, Princess.”

“It’s no trouble at all Twilight. Now, if you would like to take in the castle, I will see to it that your room is prepared to your liking. I will come find you once it’s ready.” Before I could respond, the Princess returned the scroll to my bag and left the hall, the doors opening and slamming shut. The sound echoed through the empty, quiet hall as I went over what had just happened.

After ten minutes of replaying the conversation in my head, I sighed in resignation, deciding that I might as well relax in the one way I know how: Reading in the library.

Memories

There are two locations inside Canterlot castle in which I spent more time than I could ever account for: The Princess’ office where I learned everything she had to teach and the library. Well, I suppose I could account for them, but that’s irrelevant! Maybe later.

When, as a filly, I first arrived at the vast repository of knowledge, I was astounded. After the incident in the dining hall, the Princess took me there as the last stop of our tour. In retrospect, she probably knew I wouldn’t have wanted to leave after only a teasing glance at the knowledge one of the finest libraries in Equestria. Massive bookshelves sat on three different floors. Decorating the room were a globe, a telescope, and most strikingly, a gigantic hourglass in front of a window stretching up to the third floor. We retreated to the lounge in the corner, sitting by the fireplace where above hung a painting of a pony I didn’t recognize dressed in a blue hat and cape, both lined with bells. Upon the cape were stars and crescent moons. As we sat, the Princess’ eyes flicked toward the painting for a few moments before they darted back to me.

“I do hope you will be able to find whatever you need for your studies, my student.” Her confident smile betrayed her false modesty. She knew full well that if there was anything that couldn’t be answered here, even I wouldn’t be able to read enough books here to find out anytime soon.

“Thanks, Princess,” I shyly replied, my nervous attitude was only exacerbated by the grand archive. She could have kicked off her royal garb, lay down on the couch and filled a cup of mead and I still would have felt intimidated by her presence. A part of me wanted to be around her more, but another part would rather have just had time to me to adjust. I chose to remain silent and simply watch the Princess, her face as unreadable as always. I’m certain that she spent hours practicing that poker face of hers. Sensing my trepidation, the Princess let that expression relax, however. Even as a young filly I noticed a new sense of apprehension.

“I understand how you feel, Twilight. Every pony in your position before you has had the same reaction. You’re completely unprepared and unaware of what’s coming and you’re afraid of disappointing me. Of course, I’m sure going from a small Canterlot domicile to an expansive castle is a bit of a culture shock as well,” she tittered. “But I assure you; nothing short of single-hoofedly causing some sort of catastrophe could ever cause me to be even slightly disappointed.

“Truth be told, my faithful student,” she leaned her face in closer to mine, urging me to follow her example so I would better hear her now-low voice, “It is I who should be afraid of disappointing you. You have so much potential in you, I would be aghast to see it squandered. I’ve taken it upon myself to help you grow and become better than even myself so that you can do those things even I can’t.” At this, Princess Celestia’s gaze turned wistful, as if in remembrance. As instantly as it had darkened, her mood brightened and she tittered, “you see, Twilight, we both have cause to be a bit nervous, don’t you think?”

As the Princess left me alone in the library to become more acquainted with what we both knew would be my favorite room for the next several years, I felt comforted. The anxiousness still lingered in my heart, but I tried to enjoy it as something different than a fear of failure, but an excitement at the opportunities before me. The mere idea of becoming as powerful as the Princess of the sun herself! Such wonderful, seductive hubris!

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As I lay by the fireplace in the library, holding in front of me a first-edition copy of An Advanced Guide to Neurological Magic, many thoughts swam through my head. The same thoughts that had been nagging at me as I read for the past three hours. Finally, their insistence built to a crescendo as I went through the list once more. Would Spike be okay? Will he be upset with me for leaving him behind? What if he insists on coming with me? What would happen to the Ponyville library, then? In fact, what would happen to all Ponyville in my absence? For that matter, is it selfish or arrogant to think anything could happen to Ponyville just because I’m not there? And what about here? What if I can’t improve my spell? Will I be here forever? Why does that sound so exciting? What if I disappoint the Princess?

I was so lost in my thoughts; I didn’t notice my magic, which was levitating the book in front of me, was running a bit wild, causing the book to bend back. As the spine cracked and the front and back cover nearly touched, I felt a warm glow wash over my horn. The feeling drew all of my attention away from my concerns as I suddenly became aware of my own heartbeat. From behind me, I heard a gentle voice.

“You should be more careful, my student. I know you’d never forgive yourself if you damaged any book, let alone such a rare one.” I moved my eyes down to the tome in front of me, now glowing with a golden luminescence, touched with a hint of my own purple aura, a reminder of just how much the Princess’ magic dwarfed my own. I let my grasp on the book fade as the pages inched closer together until the book was safely shut tight. As she set the book on the table, I hovered over it, frantically inspecting the spine as the book lay on its side. “No harm done, Twilight. Not to the book anyway. You know, I realize that you have a tendency to study hard, but I didn't realize your habits could be so destructive,” she chuckled.

I flushed at her teasing, my eyes staring at the floor, still embarrassed by my mistake. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t even paying attention to the book. I guess I’m a bit distracted.” The princess nodded at this. She picked up the book in her magical glow, her eyes resting on it.

“Always so afraid to disappoint, my dear student.” She moved across from me, lying down a couple feet away from where I lay. “Everyone constantly kneels before me, presenting me with gifts and favors. I can’t attend a simple party without enough tension to make even myself nervous. It’s as if everybody believes that I’ll banish them or lock them up for the simple crime of not being perfect. Understand, Twilight, there’s a difference between betraying the entire country of Equestria and taking a cupcake out of my grasp.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory of the cakes fawning over the Princess, while Pinkie Pie treated her like every other pony. At the time, I was shocked that she could treat royalty so casually, but in retrospect I was and still am a bit envious at her ability to see the Princess as a friend and not just a distant authority figure. “You don’t understand, Princess.” Even after what she said, I still felt a bit antsy about questioning the Princess, “we don’t treat you in such a way because we’re afraid of you. It’s because we respect you. Ponies treat you like the Princess you are because you deserve it. You are our protector and provider. We only want you to have the best the same way you want us to have the best. I,” I hesitated, “we love you.”

Her eyes glistened in warmth at my words and she set the book down in front of her. As she made eye contact with me, I felt my cheeks become warm. “Thank you, Twilight. I love you too, of course.” I couldn’t help but find myself wondering later if she was referring to me personally or all of us ponies. Her tone spoke as if it were such a basic fact, I allowed myself a joyful feeling but moved on as she opened her mouth to speak again. “Still, if you really want me to feel comfortable, then try not to put so much pressure on yourself. Or else you might end up making a mistake or two. You know better than anyone in this castle how dire a simple mathematical error can be, right?”

I instantly knew what she was hinting at. My hair stood up in reflex to the memory. “Oh, goodness, Princess. That was,” I tried to remember how far back it was. Unfortunately, I remembered, “not that long ago actually.” I grinned, embarrassed.

“Oh, it could have happened to anyone. Still, I’ll always remember Professor Beaker’s expression when he looked in that mirror.” I did, too. It was like someone walked into Rarity’s boutique wearing a dress made of garbage bags and paper clips. If looks could kill, we all would have died laughing.

Suddenly, i came to realize just how often those mistakes actually did tend to happen. “Ah! The entire lab team must hate me, I was a complete nuisance! Remember when I blew up the lab a few days before I left for Ponyville? I couldn’t even face them. I’m sure they’ll never forgive me.” I buried my face in my hooves, feeling tears welling up. I heard the Princess laugh loudly.

“Oh, that was you who managed to burn the lab down? They told me they couldn’t figure out how it started. Easily the most impressive mistake I’ve ever seen, my student.” She laughed heartily.

Oh, so she didn’t know. Great. Wait, she didn’t know? I took my face out of my hooves, revealing my watery eyes, brows bent in confusion. “But, Princess, they knew it was me. I wrote an entire report on it for the chief technician!

“That’s funny,” she said, rubbing a hoof to her chin in pondering, “They never told me. Of course, I trust the professor that they investigated the incident to the best of their ability. I suppose they didn’t want you to get in trouble with me. Destroying an entire laboratory and several important records would be cause for expulsion, after all.”

I felt a heat rise in my chest. I liked my colleagues well enough, but before my studies in friendship, I never really considered any sort of connection with them. “They lied so you wouldn’t expel me?”

“Twilight, it seems we both have much to learn about how we view the ponies around us.” With that, Princess Celestia stood, picking up the book and guiding it to a nearby cart for the librarian to reshelf. It somewhat reminded me of Spike picking up after me following one of my usual study nights. “You can think about that in your own room, however. At last, it is prepared.” I stood and followed the Princess out of the doors and into the hallways, decorated as elegantly as the rest of the castle. We travelled along the wings of the castle in silence, my mind being kept company by my own thoughts. I can’t believe they lied to the Princess for my sake! What’d I ever do to get them to like me so much? Those guys…

“It’s because they respect you. You’re their friend, Twilight.” I gasped in shock. Was she reading my mind? She seemed to notice my concern and laughed it off. “Oh, Twilight, you always wear your concerns all over your face. You know, your leaving for Ponyville was actually in a bit of bad timing for this particular incident, in retrospect. Once I announced to the team that you were staying, they assumed I had banished you there for your occasional bouts of clumsiness. Pepper could barely hide his indignation. I thought he would raise his voice at one point! They missed you Twilight. I’m surprised to hear that you never received any letters. I’m sure they’ve sent plenty.”

“Well,” I considered the amount of time I’d received the wrong mail or missed expected packages altogether, “of all the great things about Ponyville, their mail system isn’t among them.” I groaned.

“It’s alright, you’ll get to see them soon enough. I took the liberty of asking each member of your old team to lend you a hand. I’m sure they’ll be delighted to see you again.”

As we descended a spiral staircase, I thought of each of my old colleagues with a newfound warmth in my heart at their faces, “I’ll be glad to see them too. Thank you, Princess.”

“Think nothing of it, my student. Ah!” The Princess stopped in front of a small wooden door, about the height of the Princess but no taller. I looked around us and realized that the area seemed especially familiar. The Princess levitated a key from her mane and unlocked the door. As it swung open, I realized with a jump that I did recognize this place. When the Princess said she would prepare my room, she really did mean it. It was, indeed, my old room!

I trotted inside, overcome by nostalgia. The old room seemed to be in the same condition as I last saw it. The bedroom itself was in a tower so it was circular. The bed was against the left wall from where I entered, with a 5-tier shelf at the foot. To the right of the room was a desk, adorn with a picture of my friends in Ponyville, no doubt prepared by the Princess to help my inevitable homesickness, and quills and an inkwell sitting on top of a stack of papers. Above the desk was a window, the evening sky illuminating our surroundings. The Princess moved over to the desk. “I hope things are to your liking, Twilight. There is paper here so you may write as many letters to your friends as you need. Find me in my throne room once you’re done and I’ll deliver them posthaste. Until then, get comfortable. “The Princess began to walk by me as I stood dumbstruck. She stopped and leaned down to nuzzle my neck, whispering my ear, her warm breath sending shivers down my spine, “and thank you for coming back. It’s wonderful having you here again.”

Before I could gather my thoughts and respond, the Princess closed the door behind her. I brought a hoof to my neck, noticing how warm it felt. I tried to reflect on what just happened, but I found myself unable to think. Shaking my head, I simply walked to the desk, picking up a quill with my magic. As I stared out the window in thought, I saw something I had forgotten about. Across my room, about 70 feet away, was a balcony leading to what I knew was the Princess’ room. Suddenly, memories staying up all night to watch her admiringly as she raised the sun came back. I touched my neck with my hoof again, feeling an intense smile rise on my face. I began wondering the same things I used to while staring out at my mentor. Do you really understand how much we respect you? How much I respect you? Do you truly believe in me so much? Do you really care that much about me? Do you know how much I care for you? The warmth on my neck faded under the cool evening breeze. Do you understand how much I truly love you? I sat lost in these old thoughts until the sun fell behind the mountains. When I could no longer see the balcony, I finally forgot those questions and set about writing my letters. I would send them in the morning.

Lost

I moved through the dense fog, my vision all but faded in the heavy mist. I felt my hooves hit the ground, compressing the dirt underneath and kicking up the soil as they were lifted, slipping ever-so-slightly. I didn't run, but neither did I intend to dally in this obscure environment. As the dry, but mostly reliable ground gave way to wet mud, I grimaced at the cold, disgusting feeling. I felt my movement further hampered by this new ground as I sunk further with each step. It felt like I was walking through quicksand.

The glow of my horn was barely pushing back the fog, but as I continued I noticed that my vision was penetrating the mist more and more. After what felt like hours, I could make out my surroundings. All around me were dark, twisted trees. No leaves, as if the forest were burnt before I arrived. No, not burnt, decayed, twisted. No life was sustained here. Even the ground around me was nothing but mud. These trees were long dead, leaning in the unstable ground. this part of the forest long abandoned. Beyond the trees, the sky was visible. Or rather, the emptiness was visible. No stars, no moon, no sun. Nothing. As if this part of the forest was trapped in some void and I were hopelessly gone from my world. It was unnerving. Intensely so. I felt a shudder run through my body and the realization of how alone I truly was started to sink in as I felt more slowed. A careful walk became a slow trudge between the mud below and my new found fear.

At last, I heard a small whisper pervade the darkness. “Coward.”

I very nearly jumped, quite literally, at the sound. A young colt. I searched my surroundings for the source, but found nothing.

“Keep running.”

It continued, more aggressive this time, taunting. What in Equestria is going on? “Who are you! Come out, I can help you,” I pleaded. Looking around, I noticed the forest around me growing more twisted, the branches running together, forming barriers to keep me on this path. They even seemed to be leaning over me, creating a sort of tunnel out of branches.

“Liar,” another voice spoke. A young girl. She spoke the word in a sing-song way, as if she were mocking me.

“What do you mean? I’m lost too, but we can find a way out together,” I tried to sound encouraging, but my fear was betrayed as I stuttered through my words.

“There is no way out,” the male voice rang out loudly, as if it were right in my left ear. I turned toward that direction, expecting to see the boy, but nothing greeted my eye. The fog began to roll in faster, the dark forest disappearing. In a way, I felt comforted not having to look at my hopeless, depressing surroundings. That comfort quickly gave way to anxiousness as I realized I had no idea where I was walking. I could only continue forward, albeit very slowly in the now-thickening mud.

“Of course,” I hesitated, unsure. “Of course, there is. I got into here, didn't I? I can get out of it!”

Both of the voices rang out now, gleefully and just as disgustingly smarmy as before. “No one leaves here alone! You’re alone! No one will ever help you! Keep running, coward!”

“Stop it!” I tried to run, but the mud grew ever thicker and deeper. For a moment, I became concerned it really was quicksand! “I’m not alone, I have my friends!”

“They’ll never understand. No one ever would have and they never will. You’re alone, truly alone.”

I kept trying to move, but the mud grew too deep. I could barely move. I barely lifted my front right hoof out of the mud and pressed all my weight on it to move it further. The weight was too much, however, and I fell forward, the right side of my body collapsing into the dark slime. “Please, help me,” I pleaded weakly. I was greeted with nothing but laughter.

“She’d hate you forever and she'd be right to.” The children continued their chorus of mirth as several others joined in. I shut my eyes and pressed my ears further in to shut out the noise. I couldn't handle it! It was too much! It hurt so badly!

“Please, no more,” I screamed, sobbing loudly. My wish was granted as the voices finally ceased. I opened my eyes and saw nothing. The void was all that was left. I was truly alone. Alone, save for the young girl’s voice speaking one final time.

“This is what you deserve.”