An Unholy Confession

by Zyrah

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1659

Twilight finally finished her 'read later' list of books. It took her years to do but she missed one.

Twilight finally finished her 'read later' list of books. It took her years to do and she was quite proud of her accomplishment. A small problem is pointed out by Pinkie Pie, which brings Twilight to a stunning realization.

Published 2015-12-20 23:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-20 23:10:02 UTC

An Unholy Confession

The Golden Oaks Library, 1 A.M.

As Daring Do flew off into the sunset, she glanced back at her backpack, the bulge of the ancient artifact she had recovered from Ahuizotl inside her saddle bags bouncing against her sides. Daring Do turned back around, her face bearing a triumphant smile.

She did it.

The end.

Twilight let out a content sigh, as she finally finished the book. That's when her eyes went wide and she darted over to a bookshelf dedicated only to scrolls. She found the one she was looking for; it had a sparkling gold band around it, with big letters reading 'Read Later'.

She grabbed the scroll with her telekinesis and brought it down to her. She slipped the band off of it with her magic and the scroll unraveled, rolling down the length of the library and stopping at the bookshelf across the room.

She desperately searched through it, looking at all of the titles to books she had written on it with intention of doing just that; reading it later.

Check marks were next to every single title she had seen so far, her steadily pulling the long list up to keep reading. When the last title came across her searching eyes, she stopped. It didn't have a check mark by it but that was about to change.

She teleported a quill from her desk nearby and levitated it against the paper. The scratching of quill on parchment meant two things at once. Twilight finally finished the latest installment of the Daring Do series. Two, she just finished her entire 'read later' list.

She took in a big gulp of air and held it for a second.

Then she screamed in joy and hopped around and teleported off of every wall, doing cart wheels and flips, the chaos of which woke a sleeping Spike in their bedroom.

Spike opened the door, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What gives, Twilight?" He said groggily followed by a deep yawn. He removed hands from his eyes to see a book being hurtled at him. "Woah!" he yelped as he ducked, the book narrowly missing his spikes.

Twilight continued her burst of accomplishment-induced insanity when she noticed Spike staring at her, wide-eyed from the top of the stairs. "Oh hey, Spike!" she said cheerily, before she looked at the clock on the wall, now knocked sideways. Noticing it was one in the morning, she asked, "Aren't you supposed to be asleep?"

"I was asleep, Twilight," Spike said in an annoyed tone. "All of your racket woke me up."

Twilight blushed a little and letting out a little hysterical laugh and rubbing the back of her head with a hoof, "Sorry."

Spike couldn't stay mad at her but it still left the question, "Why are you so excited anyway?"

"I finally finished my 'Read Later' list! Every single book has been read cover to cover!" She said, puffing out her chest with a massive smile.

"That's awesome, Twilight! You've been worrying with that list ever since we came to Ponyville!"

She smiled even bigger, her triumphant look still plastered on her face.

Twilight and Spike turned to a knock at the door. "I've got it," Spike said as he jumped from the top of the stair case down and did a ninja roll to the door.

Right as he finished his roll and stood up, the door busted open, slamming Spike into the wall behind it. Pinkie Pie bounced into the room with a big smile.

"Hi Twilight! What's all the excitement about?" She asked bubbly.

"How did you know there was any excitement?" Twilight asked with a puzzled expression.

"I could feel your excitement all the way from sugar cube corner," she replied. "I couldn't resist finding the source of such joy!"

"Remind me to study you one day," Twilight said with a joking smile.

"Will do!" Pinkie responded with an ear to ear smile. "So, what's got you so hyped up?"

Proud to be able to tell her excitement to yet another pony making her very giddy. "I finally finished my 'Read Later' list."

Pinkie Pie ran over to the list in question and picked it up and began skimming through it. "Huh," Pinkie said to no one in particular.

"What?" Twilight asked curiously.

"This book doesn't have a check mark by it," she said, holding the list up for Twilight to see.

Twilight looked at the list, the missing check mark, and the title next to it. 'Art of Stealth' was the title of the book she hadn't read and hadn't noticed on the list.

Twilight deflated until she was nothing but a purple mat with a nervous smile on the floor.

Spike walked through the door rubbing his head as he shut the door, a Spike shaped hole to the outside world on the wall behind it. Upon noticing Twilight's deflated state he said, "You popped her!" He ran to the closet under the stairs and pulled out an air pump. He returned to Twilight and stuck the nozzle in her mouth and started airing her back up.

Once refilled, Twilight's smile faded. "How could I have missed one?"

"If I had known it would cause you such grief," Pinkie began, looking sad, "I wouldn't have pointed it out."

Twilight immediately reacted to this. "No no! It's good that you pointed it out. I would have come across it in anyway when I go to add another book to it." She levitates the list over to her to look at it and trots over to her endless shelves of books. "Plus, I'm a fast reader, I'll finish it no time."

Twilight searched through her bookshelves, looking for Art of Stealth. Upon finding it she levitated the book from the shelf when she felt a slight pain in her head and dropped the book. When the book connected with the floor, it left a crack in it.

"Jeez, Twilight," Spike began as he walked over to the book. "I don't think being a fast reader is going to help you with that thing."

"Uhh..." Pinkie Pie said leaning towards the door. "I'm going to go now, toodles!" And with that, she flew out the door full speed smashing straight through the door, leaving a Pinkie Pie shaped hole in it right next to Spike's on the wall.

Spike stared at the door for a moment and blinked really hard and opened his eyes once he turned back around to face Twilight.

Twilight's horn began to light up as she zapped the book with a spell. The spell formed numbers on the cover, Twilight read these numbers and her ears pinned back.

"Two million words..." She said, her ears drooping back in disbelief and anguish.

"Wow," was all Spike could say.

Twilight walked slowly over to her favorite pillow to lay on top of while she read and teleported the book over in front of her. She made a gulp in fear and then a defeated sigh. "Well, time to get started."

Twilight opened the cover of the book and began reading.

<--------o------O------o-------->

Two months later...

Twilight slammed the book shut and threw it out the window with her telekinesis and screamed at the top of her equine lungs.

She had a look of insanity and joy mixed on her face, "Finally! I finished that Celestia forsaken, two million word book."

She levitated her read later scroll over to her, it sitting in the same spot since two months ago. She checked the title off her list and through it aside.

Twilight began to go insane again, about to teleport off the walls when Spike slammed their bedroom door open and said, "Don't you even think about making a ton of racket again."

"But Spiiiike," Twilight whined. "I finally finished that book!"

"And I'm happy for you but you aren't done with your list yet."

"What?! Yes I am! Art of Stealth was the last book!"

"Yeah...but you added like thirty more books to your 'read later' list while you were reading that one."

Twilight disintegrated in a pile of disappoint ashes, only her mouth remaining on top of the ashes.

"Spike, take a letter," she said with her signature quote.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I regret to inform you that I will no longer be studying the magic of friendship anymore as I have come to a realization about myself that shocked even me.

I hate reading. I hate reading and I will never touch another book again so long as I can avoid it. I'm moving back to Canterlot and I'm going to lock myself in the highest room on the tallest tower and I will sit there until my untimely demise.

Sorry,

Twilight Sparkle

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Spike asked curiously as rolled the scroll up.

"Spike, I have never been more sure of anything in my life," She said, rising from the ashes like a phoenix.

"Okay," he said as he huffed and puffed that scroll right out the window that the Art of Stealth had taken.

Twilight spawned to gas cans in front of her and handing one over to Spike. "Take this and pour it on everything, everywhere."

Twilight turned the gas can upside down and sloshed the hostile liquid over everything. The floor, the bookshelves, the furniture, everything, Spike coming in with the assist.

Once both cans were empty she walked outside the Pinkie Pie shaped door and rolled up the 'Read Later' list. Spike joining her by climbing on her back and watched as Twilight zapped the scroll, it lighting up in an orange and yellow flame.

She tossed the flaming scroll into the Golden Oaks Library door and watched for the next three hours as the blaze turned the library into a massive pile of ashes.