Fallout: Lavender Wastelander

It was as if Twilight had been dropped into a horror movie.

She sat paralyzed, staring at the corpses around the table. Her heart raced in her ears, nearly drowning out the mournful wail of the cello’s stressed strings and the cries of the dying guests. Arterial spray flowed like crimson rivers over the tablecloth, before dripping down onto the floor in red waterfalls. The sound of combat on the floor below died off as quickly as the dinner guests.

It had started and ended in seconds. Two royal guards efficiently, and without any sign of hesitation, killed almost two dozen people.

No, not killed. Murdered. Ice shot through Twilight's veins as it dawned on her that she was sitting next to the stallion who had given the order.

Was she a target, too? She could have been poisoned if for whatever reason her being an alicorn wasn’t enough to fight off the manticore venom. Deathclaw Joe was larger and more physically fit than her, his body far more capable of fighting off poison naturally.

She swallowed heavily, her throat as dry as a desert. Yet, it didn’t close up from the manticore’s venom. But that didn’t mean she was out of danger. The royal guards likely wouldn't hesitate to dispatch her as ruthlessly as the other guests.

The pair busied themselves wiping their blood-stained blades clean on the tablecloth.

“W-why?” Twilight stammered as she slowly met Deathclaw Joe’s neutral gaze. He was relaxed in his throne, not making any threatening moves despite ordering the execution of so many people. “They trusted you, and you betrayed them before asking me for Equestrian land?”

Indignation spurred Twilight into action, and she wouldn’t let her fear trap her again since she was able to move this time. Channeling magic through her horn, she shut her eyes so she wouldn’t be blinded by her own flash as she teleported.

Appearing across the table from Deathclaw Joe, Twilight conjured her spectral greatbow and aimed right for his heart. The two guards whirled on her, confirming her suspicion of where their loyalties lay, but Deathclaw Joe silently raised a fist. The pair stopped in their tracks.

Deathclaw Joe was silent, everyone else frozen in place, rasping for breath, before he sighed heavily. His broad shoulders drooped as he slouched on his throne.

"They did trust me,” Deathclaw Joe said, his voice low. “But they also disobeyed my orders. I've kept them in check for years, keeping them from disturbing settlements as much as I could. But the moment—the very second—that they go to a land with nothing but opportunity to change themselves for the better, they revert to their baser instincts and rape and reave the countryside apart."

He pointed to the bat-eared raider woman, face down in a pool of her own blood. "Even the women got in on the rape. She and her gang butchered Rock Bend before a lucky portal let them escape. I can't allow people like her to exist in the same world as my wives and children."

Outright murder wasn’t Twilight’s way of dealing with villains. But… she had seen the newspaper clippings during her visit. Rock Bend had been wiped off the map. Most of the town had been herded into a building before it was lit on fire. This wasn’t Equestria. If she could save her friends from harm by tricking all her enemies into assembling in one place and disarming themselves…

Twilight’s scowl was deep enough that she could feel it disfiguring her face.

“I don’t know if you’re a good person capable of evil, or an evil person capable of good,” Twilight said as she eased the tension in her bow.

“I wonder the same thing,” Deathclaw Joe said, slowly standing from his seat, before he motioned to an empty chair. “Jack would have been there if Fluttershy hadn’t come along. Knowing him, he threatened to rape her, didn’t he?”

“Yes,” Twilight said bitterly. She had seen the signs outside of Anacostia station. Before Fluttershy, Jack’s gang had extorted caps, drugs, and sex from anyone wanting to cross through their territory. “Why bring it up?”

“Because I am sorry,” Deathclaw Joe said, voice low, as if ashamed. He stepped around the table, careful not to tread on the puddles of blood on the floor. “Whatever Fluttershy was doing could have worked. I never thought I’d see the day that Kerri would wear anything resembling actual clothes… but to see her in a real dress. I couldn’t believe it. For years I’ve been recruiting from the other gangs, skimming away the people that wanted to change. Everytime I drew one or two away that wanted a better life, their old bosses would recruit more people who were far more crazy and chemed up than the last batch.” His shoulders slumped again. “A single brick isn’t enough to hold back a flood, and before I knew it, all the other gangs surrounding my kingdom were full of people who would senselessly rape and burn a town for the fun of it.”

Twilight didn't sense any untruth in his tone. If he was being completely honest, Fluttershy was facing an uphill battle with the worst of the raiders. Most of the ones that she could have helped, Deathclaw Joe had already recruited.

“What about the three people you sent away?” Twilight questioned, taking a step back from Deathclaw Joe. He had openly called them out for being too much like him. Unless…

“It was all for show,” Deathclaw Joe said. “Those three were in on the plan. The only three of my vassals I could trust to not slit my throat for their own gain.”

All of the raiders he had killed were far, far worse than him. He wanted to protect his people, give them something better. But the way he was going about it… Twilight wasn’t sure she wanted Deathclaw Joe in Equestria. She wasn’t even the Princess of all of Equestria yet; she didn’t have the authority to grant land anyway.

“We’ll have to talk to Princess Celestia or Princess Luna about granting you land,” Twilight said. “You, and only you, will have to come with me to Equestria to speak with them.”

While the teleportation device that Electrum had stolen was already recharged and could teleport all of Deathclaw Joe’s people at once, Equestria was dealing with enough problems. Twilight wouldn’t add to it by allowing a small army with a leader who planned his murders in advance free and unchecked entry.

“If it gets my people closer to having neighbors that don’t want us dead,” Deathclaw Joe said, offering a hand. “Then I accept.”

Twilight shook his hand. While she still wasn’t sure she wanted Deathclaw Joe in Equestria, she knew for certain that she didn’t want him to be an enemy of Equestria.

<>~<>~<>

Celestia stopped as she caught her reflection in the darkened window of one of Ponyville’s grocery stores. Her rainbow mane had lost its etherealness, and the now corporeal strands lay in a disheveled heap atop her head.

“Not very dignified looking,” she murmured to herself. She hadn’t slept all night, and it showed in the bags under her eyes. “But it could be worse.”

Much like the damage to Equestria—better than expected, but worse than she had hoped. So many ponies had lost their lives, been displaced, or would feel the effects years later.

The hundreds of houses and storefronts without any electricity only served as a constant reminder that Equestria had been hurt. But even in the darkness, there was hope.

Fillies and colts played in the street, watched over by their mothers from shadowy door frames. Candles provided light in place of bulbs, and Celestia could feel the charge of resolution in the air. Equestria would bounce back and recover.

Even as she walked the streets to take a break from the military meetings, skilled electricians worked around the clock to restore the electrical grid. Unfortunately, Ponyville and surrounding towns would not have electricity for a month or two at the very least. The falling ruins of Canterlot had dammed the river, cutting off water to the hydroelectric dam downstream.

Thankfully there were enough wells around Ponyville to keep the town supplied without the river. There were many small wins to counter the large blows. A silver lining to the dark clouds.

The damage to the weather factory meant that there was no wind to blow the irradiated dirt and fallout sucked up by the mushroom clouds. It contained the invisible poison to the immediate area around the blast, sparing hundreds of thousands of acres of farmland from losing their crops and avoiding a potential famine.

But that would only remain the case if the irradiated and malfunctioning cloud-making machines in Cloudsdale were shut down. Pegasi were flying their wings off to keep the irradiated clouds contained to the city. It wasn't long after the dust from the blasts had settled that wild and untamed wind currents had arrived in the weather factory's absence.

And with the best ponies at controlling the weather all living in one place…

She gazed towards Cloudsdale, and her gut clenched. Even in broad daylight, she could see the sickly green thunder clouds crackling with foul yellow lightning. The reports from the hazmat teams were calling it a radstorm, a term picked up from a few of the humans allowed to stay in Equestria.

Thankfully the military was in the middle of dealing with it. If they were successful, it would be Equestria’s only radstorm.

“Celestia!” Twilight’s voice ripped Celestia’s attention away from the ruined city. She turned around and spotted Twilight approaching her down the sidewalk, accompanied by several others. Almost immediately, Celestia's gaze was pulled like a magnet away from her student and the others with her and towards a behemoth of a stallion.

His gray coat was covered in large ugly scars that only added to his rugged handsomeness. A veteran warrior if Celestia had ever seen one. His mane was as white as her coat, and his eyes were an intense electric blue. She eagerly awaited the moment to introduce herself to him. Eying his body as much as she could as he approached, it eventually slipped past the unroyal thoughts jamming together in her brain that he had a pair of wings and a horn.

“Wait, is he an alicorn?” Celestia asked in disbelief, breaking out of her momentary spell. She checked to see who else was with Twilight, finding that her faithful student had brought with her Electrum, who had the stolen SOCOM teleportation beacon on her back, as well as Daniel, Pinkie Pie, Spike, Fluttershy, and two more of Fluttershy’s gang. The zebra mare, and the gryphon stallion. Their names escaped her at the moment.

“His name is Deathclaw Joe,” Twilight said, nudging her head to the stallion. Celestia recognized the name, and realized that she had heard of him before. Many interrogated raiders claimed that he had crowned himself as their king. There was also the fact that Luna had fought him.

“Luna told me about him, but never said he was an alicorn,” Celestia said. How had Luna missed that detail? Although they had been fighting at the same time they were talking, so Luna could have missed some details. What she had said was that he was so skilled with hoof-to-hoof fighting that she’d had to banish him back to Earth, or else she would have lost the fight. And she’d had her swords at the time.

Despite the fighting, he had been cordial and well spoken. A cut above almost all of the raiders that had crossed over. Celestia assumed that if he was with Twilight, he was here for a meeting.

Celestia gave him a polite bow. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

“I am honored to be in your presence, Princess Celestia,” Deathclaw Joe said as he stepped past Twilight. His horn flared electric blue, and a longsword made of pure magic formed in the air in front of him.

Celestia tensed, ready to defend herself, but the raider king pointed the blade down and stabbed it into the dirt road as he bowed, his horn touching the pommel of the sword.

“I humbly ask you, Princess Celestia of Equestria, for a small amount of land for my family, the families of my warriors, and the vassals loyal to me. I have around a hundred and fifty people desiring to resettle. We have tents and can make do with open fields. In return for a small kingdom of my own, I will pledge my warriors to fight under your flag when called on, and an annual portion of my treasury as taxes.”

His request had come out of the blue, and Celestia had to stumble over her earlier thoughts to consider it. Hearing trade offers like that dredged up old memories within Celestia. Deathclaw Joe would have been right at home in the royal courts six or even seven centuries ago. They were far less civilized times.

“I’ve visited his kingdom back on Earth,” Twilight said, nodding along with Fluttershy. “The only issue I have with him is how he chose to solve Equestria’s raider problem.”

Celestia raised a brow. If he had solved the problem with raiders, what difference did it make? She had sent as many raiders back as she could to spread a warning to change their ways, but very few took heed to it. The plan had backfired and only encouraged them to seek out Equestria as an easy target.

“How did he do that?” Celestia asked.

“As dishonorably as the rapists and murderers deserved.” Deathclaw Joe’s voice, even when just in a casual tone, rolled like thunder. He dispelled the sword planted into the ground and rose to his full height, which Celestia realized was a few inches over her own stature. “I invited them all to a feast where I poisoned their leaders while my warriors dealt with their drunken underlings.”

So, more of the courts nine centuries ago.

Celestia caught Twilight and Fluttershy’s wince, and she frowned. While honorless, it was efficient, and the raiders wouldn’t be around to cause Equestria any more issues.

“Good,” Celestia said, ignoring the shock from everyone but Deathclaw Joe and the two unknown people. It was a cold, blunt stance to take, but Celestia was done with feeling sorry. The nukes from SOCOM had been the final straw. Every route she had tried to take for peace had been rebuffed by the raiders and SOCOM. It was time to stop responding to threats with second chances. “May I make a counteroffer that could work better for the both of us?”

Deathclaw Joe nodded.

“Deathclaw Joe,” Celestia said, “I will give you and your people twenty square miles of land to settle as a new town. However, the land will not be for you to rule as you see fit. Instead, your people will become full citizens of Equestria. You will have a place as a counselor to myself and Princess Luna. We could use the advice of someone who knows the human world, and is an expert in the use of violence.”

Deathclaw Joe’s features twitched and shifted as he mulled over her offer.

“It’s not exactly what I wanted,” Deathclaw Joe said with a heavy frown. “I lead my people. I do not want to turn their fate over to another that I don’t fully trust. So, I will take your offer under one condition.”

Protecting one's own people. She could relate.

“And that is?” Celestia asked. A counteroffer to her counteroffer. She hadn’t had to deal with one of those in at least five centuries. Ponies were usually too busy bowing and scraping like she was a goddess to try to negotiate.

“We unite our kingdoms through marriage.”

Twilight and the rest of the ponies around whipped over to Deathclaw Joe in shock. Celestia just chuckled, but it extended into a laugh that didn’t quite end. Seconds later, she was almost doubled over.

“Celestia?” Twilight asked, rushing over to her side. “Are you okay?”

It took several moments for Celestia to settle down and stand upright.

“I’m more than okay,” Celestia said with a heavy sigh. She needed the laugh. “Just nostalgia for the past. Deathclaw Joe negotiates like a noble from the days when I was a filly.” She wiped tears of laughter out of her eyes with her foreleg. “A political marriage is ten centuries out of date, so I can only accept that if the arrangement is with me. I can not agree on my sister’s behalf.”

“Are you sure about this?” Twilight whispered. Her face was a mask of confusion and concern for her. “He already has two wives.”

“Does he now?” Celestia asked as she looked towards Deathclaw Joe. If so, he truly was a stallion from a different age. “You’re already married?”

Deathclaw Joe nodded. “Will that be a problem?”

“I will have to check with your wives, alone, to see if they have any issues,” Celestia said sternly. “Polygamy can be… messy.”

“Speaking from experience?” Deathclaw Joe asked, his tone playfully coy.

Celestia bit back a smile and nodded.

“WHAT!?” Twilight gasped. “I never knew you married anypony before.”

“It was over four and a half centuries ago,” Celestia said. “You go through many phases when you’re immortal.”

Celestia had lived to see entire generations come and go. She had cut the ribbon at Manehattan’s first alehouse, many centuries before it became known for its skyscrapers. She was a living witness to most of the history taught in Equestria’s schools.

Marrying someone to acquire the expertise of their people, their land, or to acquire veteran soldiers was a refreshing and nostalgic trip back in time to how things used to work. A break from the chaos of trying to manage dealing with humans who could take entire cities off the map with something that could fit in the back of a wagon.

It didn’t hurt that he looked good as well.

<>~<>~<>

Twilight winced as Fluttershy slammed the door hard enough it rattled the windows of her house. It sent a painting of a windmill surrounded by wheat fields clattering to the floor. Fluttershy’s other two gang members poked their heads out of the kitchen.

“So, are we going to talk about what just happened!?” she growled and stomped a hoof onto the floor.

Twilight collapsed onto the couch, scooching over enough for Daniel and Spike to join her. Their group had quickly reduced in size after finding Celestia. Pinkie Pie had gone to check into the hospital for her head injury, Electrum was recharging the teleportation device with Starswirl the Bearded, while Celestia and Deathclaw Joe were…

“Yeah, I’m just as confused as you,” Twilight said, rubbing her chin in thought. It was as though female alicorns were somehow attracted to Deathclaw Joe. No, that was incorrect. It wasn’t one-way like that. Deathclaw Joe was just as attracted to alicorn mares as they were to him. He had sensed Twilight standing behind him.

Twilight sighed. “For as long as I’ve known her, Princess Celestia has always had a playful streak. She enjoys putting ponies on their back hoof with the unexpected, so this sort of tracks for her.” Which meant it probably wasn’t entirely the unnatural attraction confusing their brains. “Celestia’s a smart mare. I bet she’s got something under her crown, but I can’t put my hoof on it. There’s no way she’d marry someone after just meeting them unless she was getting something more out of it than an advisor and some soldiers. Regardless, she’s her own mare.”

“Of course you’d say that,” Fluttershy groaned, grinding a hoof into her temple. “You had to learn about irresponsible marriage from somewhere.”

“Hey, that was uncalled for!” Twilight blurted as she leapt up from the couch and pointed a hoof at the accusing mare. The only time Fluttershy had been this mean spirited was when she had been turned unkind by Discord. Or had taken lessons from Iron Will. Or… okay, so Fluttershy had a mean streak. But it still was out of line. “What in the hay is wrong with you, ‘Shy?”

Fluttershy spun in place, facing Twilight with a glower of cold fury.

“What’s wrong is that monster murdered everyone,” Fluttershy seethed. She swept her foreleg to point out every one of her gang, who were still lingering in the doorway to the kitchen. Ethan, Paul, Kerri, and Slim Joe. “He even told you that Jack would have been at the table. What would have happened to them, huh? But no, you and Celestia throw every raider under the wagon because a handsome alicorn told you it was okay.”

“No offense,” Twilight growled, taking a step towards Fluttershy. “But your gang isn’t a pack of lost puppies. Paul over there was kicked out of Rivet City for murdering someone while high on psycho.” She glared at the earth pony, who quickly joined the other raiders in shuffling back into the kitchen. “And Kerri ate human meat.”

“It was accidental, but she could peg me for a whole lot more,” Kerri said, rolling her eyes and smiling. She punched Slim Joe’s shoulder. “About the only one of us who isn’t a living piece of shit is Slim Joe here, but he’s ex-Enclave.”

“W-what? No, I’m not!” Slim Joe spluttered unconvincingly in time with him jumping away from the other raiders. He dropped down low and spread his wings. The fluffy down on the back of his eagle head rose similar to an angry cat’s hackles.

Twilight frowned, checking back on Fluttershy who simply shook her head, body shaking with anger.

“Twilight,” Fluttershy said, her breath fluttering with barely contained rage. “You're better than mass murder.”

Twilight ground her teeth together. Why was Fluttershy being so obstinate? She had fought raiders when she was with the Brotherhood of Steel. She knew what they were capable of.

“I know,” Twilight stressed the word. “But after I learned what those raiders had done, I… I probably would have done the same.”

“Well what did they do!?” Fluttershy snapped.

“Rock Bend.” Twilight’s tone was as weighty as a hammer, and Fluttershy’s jerk at the name resembled somepony being hit with one. “The mare who was in charge was there, and she wasn’t the only raider with pony parts. It's not just surface raiders who are psychotic.”

“Oh… I didn’t know that,” Fluttershy said, shaking her head as she cradled it in her hooves. “It's hard trying to be kind.”

“‘Shy?” Twilight asked, reaching a hoof out towards her friend. She regretted the movement as Fluttershy knocked it away.

“Stop, please,” Fluttershy snapped. “I’m not in a hugs and apologies mood right now. I’ve seen enough death and violence the last three weeks to last me a lifetime.” She sighed heavily, shaking her head. “I’m going to stay in Equestria. My poor animal friends haven’t been home in weeks. A familiar place should help comfort them after those nukes. It’ll do me some good as well.”

She held up a hoof, slowly inhaled, then exhaled. A breathing technique much like the one Twilight used to avoid a panic attack.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier, Twilight,” Fluttershy said, her tone losing its snippish edge. “But I’m not made for the stress. I can try to hide the real me by acting as much as I want, but sooner or later I’ll have to do something that will get through every persona I put up. Trying to help raiders find a way out of their life was the only reason for staying after all of our friends turned out to be safe.”

Twilight stood silently in front of her friend, carefully contemplating what to say. She needed Fluttershy. She needed her friends in the wasteland. Everything had started to feel better after she had found them all. But circumstance was tearing them apart just as quickly as they reunited.

But if Pinkie and Fluttershy were in Equestria, they would be safe.

“I understand,” Twilight said, lowering her head. “I’m going to go. It’s almost nightfall. The teleporter will be recharged by tomorrow morning if you change your mind, but I won’t argue against you staying.”

Twilight turned for the door, but Fluttershy’s soft, meek, almost old-self voice stopped her in her tracks.

“I really am sorry, Twilight,” Fluttershy said. “One more thing, before you go.”

Twilight turned back.

“Will you be mad if I borrow Spike for a while? He’ll be my only way to talk to Discord.”

That was up to him. Twilight regarded Spike, who had hopped off the couch.

“Well…” Spike drew out. He had, as Twilight expected, reverted back to his baby dragon form. Though he was a little taller than Twilight remembered. “Are you sure there isn’t a way for you to visit Discord? I’d like to stick with Rarity if I can.”

Twilight overheard him mutter something about being taller under his breath at the end, but didn’t make the rest out.

“The only way I have to visit his realm without his teleportation is my spirit going to his realm,” Fluttershy said with a soft sigh. Most of her rage had fizzled out, and she traded places on the couch with Daniel.

“If I’m really your only way, then sure,” Spike said. “I’m always ready to help a friend.”

Twilight was about to smile at the touching moment, but something about the wording Fluttershy used rose Twilight’s hackles. She scrunched her face in confusion. What did Fluttershy mean by ‘my spirit’?

“Hold on,” Ethan said, raising a bat wing. “Did you sell your soul to Discord or something?”

“Yes,” Fluttershy said without hesitation. “Has anyone else caught on to the fact that he’s an immortal spirit with his own chaotic realm and almost unlimited reality bending powers? He’s also capable of laying claim to the spirits of those who worship him.”

Kerri snorted.

“Guess a lot of that worship goes on in the bedro—”

Ethan smacked her in the back of the head with a leathery bat-like wing. Fluttershy rubbed her temples with a huff. But she was smiling.

Twilight took the brevity to leave on good terms, waving goodbye to everyone as she backed towards the door, Daniel in tow. Spike stayed with Fluttershy.

Once outside, the door shut behind Twilight and Daniel with a hefty click.

They walked along the stone path away from Fluttershy’s cottage before Daniel shook his head.

“That was quite the drama,” Daniel said as he massaged the bridge of his nose. “Celestia, Deathclaw Joe, that argument. I wasn’t involved and I feel emotionally played out, I can’t begin to imagine the roller coaster you’ve been on. How are you feeling, hun?”

He bumped his flank into hers.

“Like I need a warm bubble bath and a cold pillow to cry on,” Twilight said. The weight of the argument bore down on her like a ton of bricks. She had come a hair’s breadth from losing Fluttershy as a friend, possibly forever.

“I could go for the same,” Daniel said. He forced a grin. “Maybe we share the tub and pillow?”

Twilight laughed. That sounded wonderful.

They walked for a short while longer, Ponyville coming into clear view through the trees down the road.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Daniel said, his voice apprehensive. “Discord, Celestia, and Luna are all immortal, right?” Twilight turned her eyes from the road to lock with his. “Are you immortal, too?”

Her stomach flipped. Oh… I never did get around to telling him that.