Fallout: Lavender Wastelander

Am I a hypocrite?

No matter where Twilight's thoughts went, the question greeted them with gnarly jaws ready to consume and replace them. Like a virus spreading within her.

Neither she nor Rainbow Dash spoke as they walked side-by-side through the building. A sepulcher silence had fallen over Germantown. The battle was over. Enclave troops had zealously pushed all the way into the police headquarters and seized the lower floor by the time Twilight and Rainbow Dash had finished their mission.

For the first time in over two centuries, the station lockup was being used to hold lawbreakers once again.

Twilight knew she should have been glad that she had saved at least one of their assassination targets. Yet it didn't feel like a victory. She hadn’t done enough.

I could have snatched Gray’s weapon away just as easily as I broke his arm. I should have reacted faster. Now, Rainbow is hurt because of me.

Twilight fought the urge to look. There was a smell hanging around Rainbow. An aura scented of cooked meat, but somehow wrong. After several more steps, Twilight lost the fight.

Rainbow had a hole in her suit jacket. The treated lining meant she had only ended up with blisters on her chest instead of turning into a puddle of goo. Her wing hadn't had the same protection. What the plasma hadn’t melted into neon slime was half-cooked, leaving behind a ragged, bleeding stump.

Twilight could read the pain in every crease of her friend’s face. Twilight felt useless. She was no expert on wing injuries. Or losing one. All she had were books on the subject. Pegasi wings were full of nerves and micro-muscles to grant almost hand-like dexterity. Losing one was as painful as losing a horn.

Except wings don't slowly regrow.

Rainbow Dash caught Twilight staring. The pain in Rainbow’s expression faded from a forced grin that slid away just as fast, replaced with impassive flatness, before looking back away.

It felt as if a bullet had hit Twilight in the chest.

“I'm sorry, Rainbow,” Twilight said. Her voice was meek and near unnoticeable, but the solace of the quiet hallway had it sound as heavy as she felt.

Rainbow said nothing as they passed the corpse of the super mutant master. A soldier sat atop its broad chest, helmet in hand as he looked at his squad mates. Four piles of smoking ash lay among scattered black armor.

“Let's talk somewhere else,” Rainbow said in an equally reserved tone. “I need a while to process—” Rainbow winced. Her remaining wing and the stub quivered with what was probably a reflexive tic. “Wait until after Daniel sees me. Or when we get to Big Town. Just… I dunno, Twi.”

Rainbow shook her head, then opened her mouth as if to say something, but closed it again. She did it several times, miming a person gasping for breath, but not managing more than a small noise from the back of her throat that never grew into a full word.

Is this how it ends? With us drowning in the empty air between us? How can I make it up to you Rainbow?

Twilight didn't have an answer, and knew she probably never would.

<>~<>~<>

It was almost sunset by the time Twilight and the others rounded The Fastest Brick and caught a glimpse into Big Town. The sight that greeted them across the bridge had Twilight take a step back in a double-take.

While Twilight’s group had been away fighting the super mutants and Talon Company, Pinkie Pie had turned the town into a different kind of warzone. An invading army of colorful balloons fought for space in their occupation of every light pole and road sign that Twilight could see. Meanwhile, streamers and confetti littered the ground like shrapnel, and a banner spanning between two houses waved like a triumphant flag to greet their return.

“Welcome Back Heroes”

The townsfolk lining both sides of the street past the bridge clapped and cheered. They’d set out tables and chairs laden with Nuka~colas and other bottled beverages, as well as platters of food. Pinkie Pie emerged from the crowd with a grin of delight on her face. Following her were Clover and Hope, and all three of them took off in a sprint towards the bridge.

When Pinkie Pie reached the other end of the bridge and was able to get a good look at Twilight and the people behind her, her smile melted like wax under a lightbulb.

“Oh my gosh!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed with a near-terrified squeal. The cheers from the townsfolk died off as Pinkie Pie rushed over the bridge to Twilight. “When Rainbow Dash flew by earlier and told me the plan, I thought I’d throw a victory party. What happened?”

Twilight didn’t need Pinkie Sense to feel Rainbow Dash’s eyes on her back, right on the nape of her neck. Twilight rubbed at the spot and shifted on her hooves.

She gave up her awkward shifting and slumped. Twilight felt as if she were a cup with holes shot into it. Emotions leaked out drop by drop until nothing but emptiness remained within.

Nine soldiers had died during the fighting. Almost everyone else but Twilight had at least one injury or another that had needed a stimpack or Daniel’s assistance to heal.

“It was bad,” Twilight said, barely meeting Pinkie’s eyes as her ears folded back as far as her helmet would let her. Twilight hesitated and removed it, thankful for the cold air rushing in to greet her sweaty mane.

She caught sight of Clover staring at Fluttershy, who’d been shot two more times. One bullet had simply grazed an arm, but it was light compared to getting shot in the gut again. The olive-drab uniform under Fluttershy’s combat armor was a crimson mess.

Twilight sighed, shook her head, then focused back on Pinkie.

“I don’t think dragging you or Clover along with us would have changed much,” Twilight said. Talking was helping pull her mind out of the pit it had slipped into. She reached out and grasped Pinkie by the shoulder. “I’m glad to see you, Pinkie. And you, too, Clover. How’d your day with Hope go?”

Clover let out a start at being addressed. “Perfect, mas—I mean, Twilight. Can I stay here in Big Town for a few days?”

The puppy-dog look in Clover’s eyes was back. But this time, it seemed to be more genuine than manic.

“You’re a free woman, Clover,” Twilight reminded her. “If you want to stay, you can stay.”

Hope threw her childhood friend into a headlock and dug her knuckles into Clover’s snow-white hair.

“Hear that, Clovey? You and me are back at it again!”

Clover laughed and pushed Hope away, then took off running over the bridge back into town. Hope chased after, laughing as gleefully as a child. Pinkie Pie smiled at the two and waved for Twilight and the others to follow.

As they were halfway across the bridge, Fluttershy stepped up beside Twilight.

“So, Pinkie, where did you get all the party supplies?”

“It’s a sad story, really,” Pinkie Pie explained as she reached the end of the bridge, only to turn around and face the group still crossing it. She sucked in a shallow breath and sighed, her voice dropping into a sorrowful tone. “One of the Little Lamplighters wanted to cheat the rule of getting kicked out at age sixteen by stopping all birthdays from being able to be celebrated. He stole all the party supplies and hid them.”

Pinkie Pie drew in a deep breath and held it. Twilight leaned forwards.

“Aaaaand he still got kicked out,” Pinkie Pie said unceremoniously. “Why exactly did he bring all the balloons and stuff with him? Spite? I dunno, but no one in Big Town had a reason to use the stockpile of balloons until now. Parties are usually a sad time for these people.”

Twilight spared a glance at the crowd of people lining the streets. They quietly spoke to one another, or patiently waited for the festivities to resume.

“Well, Pinkie,” Twilight said, chuckling. “I know you’re the best pony I know to change their opinion on parties. Why else would they still be waiting on all of us to get done talking?”

“Righteo!” Pinkie Pie squealed. She turned to the assembled townsfolk and raised her voice. “Alright, everyone, let’s get our groove-thang on!”

The crowd cheered again.

<>~<>~<>

The celebration and conversing didn’t clear the storm of tension and dread hanging over Twilight for long.

She still needed to talk to Rainbow Dash. Or for Rainbow Dash to come and talk to her. Twilight didn’t know which it was or what to do. She didn’t want to press the issue and damage her relationship with Rainbow Dash any further, but she also wanted to make it up to her

Twilight’s stomach knotted up. There might not be a way to make it up to her. She felt as if all the color drained from the world, leaving her trapped in a void.

If I hadn’t interrupted her shot, she’d still have both wings. And maybe a few of the Enclave soldiers would still be alive, too. If Rainbow Dash and I dealt with Agent Gray and Captain Kaylee fast enough, we could have caught the super mutant master by surprise on our way out.

Instead, I caused more harm than good by trying to do the right thing.

It was a sour thought that only redoubled the knotted feeling in her stomach. It growled, but she didn’t feel hungry.

Another growl was loud enough that Twilight swore that some of the other party guests would have heard it over the music playing over the radio.

There was no fighting her need for food, no matter how small her appetite was at the moment. Sighing, she headed towards a catering table, passing by Fluttershy who was in the middle of swapping stories with Daniel. He had a bloody bandage around his torso from a piece of shrapnel. It was a minor wound compared to Fluttershy’s, but something that Twilight guessed the two of them could mutually bond over.

The plate on the catering table held a tray full of brown, overbaked muffins. They lacked the fluffy muffin top and instead had a dry and cracked crust.

Twilight tried to pick one up with her magic, but a spike of pain stopped her. She’d felt it despite a fresh application of horn medicine.

“What I get for going berserk,” Twilight chided herself, running a thumb over the cracked tip of her horn.

She stared down at the muffin plate. She should eat, but the knotted feeling in her stomach reared its ugly head again. There were enough muffins left on the plate for Twilight to guess they weren’t popular. After Pinkie Pie had listed the ingredients to her, Twilight could guess why.

She turned away, but her stomach chose that moment to resume its displeased crying. She turned back to the table and picked up a muffin. It was still warm to the touch. Like a gentle candle in her hand.

She brought it close to sniff it. The bread-like smell only made her stomach violently growl again. The gurgling churn was rough enough that Twilight placed one hand on her gut to keep the irate organ from leaping out of her body.

Here it goes. Twilight thought as she opened her mouth and took a small bite. Once her teeth had sunk through the outer crust—scattering crumbs over her muzzle in the process—Twilight found that the interior was softer than expected. She had no difficulties tearing off a hunk and chewing.

It was perhaps the worst muffin that Twilight had ever tasted—a simple, dry cake made with razorgrain flour sweetened with nuka~cola. Not even Pinkie Pie could find frosting or raw sugar in the Wasteland.

Despite it tasting of two-century-flat cola and poorly milled, unenriched whole grain flour, Twilight smiled. She closed her eyes and continued to eat, savoring the simple yet clashing flavors. For the briefest of moments, the horrible world faded to the back of her mind.

She was back home. Not in Ponyville. Farther back. All the way back to Canterlot, years before she had met her amazing friends.

The odd-tasting muffin reminded her of the days when Spike was just learning how to cook, barely out of toddler age if he’d been a pony. He was so eager to please her with his experimental recipes. Her little assistant.

She finished the muffin and soon found herself taking two more. Comfort food didn't have to be great, just good enough. Like a patch of dirt working as a bed for the truly exhausted.

<>~<>~<>

Caught between the realm of melancholy and contentment, Twilight found herself drifting through town like a piece of litter kicked around by the wind.

She wanted to get away from the liveliness. As great as the celebration was, the whole town packed into one street was too much for her. She wanted to be alone for a little while. Just to think, decompress, and destress without the worry of someone else being nearby to catch second-hand suffering.

Unfortunately, Twilight didn’t have much space to wander. Big Town was only around a dozen houses occupying a few pre-war streets.

All hope seemed lost on finding somewhere truly private until she reached the farthest-most corner of Big Town within the perimeter wall.

There, illuminated by a solitary street lamp powered by a fission battery, was a tiny junkyard. The rusting, dilapidated hulks of vehicles and robots lay piled into a heap with other metal refuse. Twilight expected the junkyard to smell like a garbage can, however, it only smelled of rust.

Isolated but still lit, it was the perfect place to stop and think. There was even an overturned blue mailbox that looked like it would make a good seat. However, as Twilight drew near, the glitter of red reflectors deeper into the junkyard caught her eyes.

Twilight squinted to make out the trunk of a car sitting just beyond the light of the streetlamp.

If the seats inside were still there, it might be a good place to rest. Each step closer let her alicorn eyes adjust and make out the shape lingering in the darkness. The black behemoth of a car was about a third as wide as it was long. Larger than any others that Twilight had seen elsewhere in the wasteland.

It was also in far better shape as well. Matte-black with chrome trim, the reflectors and tail lights were housed in swooping chrome-inlaid fins that flanked a trunk the size of a swimming pool.

She reached out and placed a hand on the driver-side fin. She kept her hand running down the body of the car as she walked towards the single door on the side. Her trailing hand ran across metal lettering.

Highwayman.

An aggressive, masculine, brick of a vehicle. It was a shame that the work of art was resting on cinder blocks. Even if she had the tires for it, Twilight knew that finding an engine to fit the front block would be next to impossible.

Still, she and her friends had managed to make a bus fly. Twilight chuckled and checked the door handle. There was a soft click as the push-button depressed. The door swung open with a soft creak of metal.

Taking off her backpack, she climbed into the vehicle and sank into the rich brown leather seat with a soft crunch.

The cinder blocks propping the vehicle gave just enough height to look over the perimeter wall and into the moonlit wasteland beyond. The car was lined up with a road, and Twilight could almost picture the vehicle in its prime before the bombs. It was a happy thought that helped get her mind off things

She let out a sigh, easing the tension in her muscles as she imagined the sound of crunching asphalt and wind blowing through the open windows to toss her mane.

“Cool ride. You got room for a hitchhiker?” Rainbow Dash asked from the passenger side, startling Twilight out her daydream.

Of all the things Twilight expected Rainbow Dash to say when they finally spoke again, she hadn’t expected a joke. Rainbow’s magenta eyes glittered like rubies in the moonlight, and she wore a small, awkward smile that seemed at-odds with her serious uniform.

“Um… sure?” Twilight said, leaning over and pulling the interior door handle.

“I’ve always wanted a car,” Rainbow Dash said as she slid into the passenger seat and closed the door. She no longer smelled like an open plasma wound.

Twilight stared over the wall and at the road beyond, her hands resting on the wheel. As the silence came back, Twilight chased the awkwardness away with the fantasy that they were just two friends on a long road trip.

But every road had its end.

“Rainbow—”

“I know, Twi, I know. You’re a good kid, and I’m a stubborn one. It’s taken me a bit to forgive you, but I don’t need two wings to still be awesome. This is me we’re talking about. You were right trying to take down Gray peacefully.”

“And I wasn’t before?” Twilight asked.

Rainbow Dash sighed and slouched in the seat while placing hands behind her head like a pillow.

“Would you rather me be the evil monster you think I am?”

“I don’t think you’re evil.”

“Really? I’ve seen the look in your eyes when you see me or Shy do something that doesn't fit your expectations. You think we’re tainted or something?”

Twilight looked away, feeling like something tore within her. “Maybe? You said it yourself that Fluttershy scares you with how good she is in a fight. I hardly recognise my friends anymore. Is it wrong that I'm trying to cling to the past so hard?”

“I’m gonna be real with you and say yes, but also no.”

Twilight slowly turned to face her friend. That hadn’t been helpful in the slightest. Rainbow held up a hand.

“I love you like a sister, Egghead, you're one of my closest friends. But life isn’t separated into good and evil. It's all variables and statistics and whatnot that you science ponies can’t really measure despite wanting to. I bet, without a shadow of a doubt, that you think you’re a hypocrite for stopping me from shooting Gray. I’ll even put money down on you drawing examples, like shooting those slavers in Paradise Falls while they had no idea you were flying above them.”

Twilight winced. She had considered that very example.

“But,” Rainbow added, “you weren’t invisible while doing it. The slavers could have looked up. They had a fighting chance, even if it was slim. Invisibility slid that good versus evil scale past what you could accept, and I should have known that, but I was seeing red and wanted revenge for Cloudsdale and the Wonderbolts.”

“You seem to be winning my argument for me,” Twilight said, not entirely convinced.

“I’ll kick my own flank for the thrill of it over seeing you beat yourself up. It's just how I roll. That hasn’t changed about me.”

Rainbow Dash gave Twilight a wide grin. It almost convinced Twilight. The lie was good, seeded with enough truth that Twilight could accept it. She’d cost Rainbow the very thing that had earned her her cutie mark. It wasn’t something that anypony could let go that easily. But Twilight knew Rainbow Dash liked to put on a tough act when she felt weak.

“Playing both sides in an argument to win no matter the outcome,” Twilight said with a halfhearted smile. It turned into a chuckle. “Damnit, Rainbow, why do you have to be so awesome?”

Rainbow Dash opened her door and laughed, but didn’t say anything in response.

Twilight followed Rainbow Dash back to the party where she ate some more food, talked with the grateful townsfolk she had helped save, and ended the party with a smile on her face.

<>~<>~<>

With Rainbow Dash missing a wing, Twilight had to help Fluttershy pull The Fastest Brick back to Adams Air Force base. With Electrum helping garrison Germantown with the Enclave troops and Clover staying behind in Big Town, the bus wasn’t carrying as many passengers.

They touched down on one of the old runways and found Spike waiting for them there alongside most of Fluttershy’s reformed raiders.

“Hey, did you hear the news?” Spike asked as they walked towards one of the command buildings.

“What news?” Twilight asked. “We’ve been gone all day.”

“Everyone is saying that Liberty Prime will be ready in three days.”

Daniel gasped. Twilight knew why.

They were close to retrieving the GECK and finishing project purity.