Behind the Wheel

by Astrocity

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 2692

Princess Luna learns to drive.

As one of Equestria's professionally trained driving instructors, it falls on you to teach Princess Luna how to drive. Now, if only she would stay on the road.

Published 2016-07-11 23:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-11 23:50:01 UTC

The Lesson

You glance nervously at your reflection in the rear-view mirror.

Out of all the driving instructors the ponies at the Equestrian driving school could have chosen, it had to be you. The invention of the magic-powered carriage may have been somewhat recent, but manufacturing industries have boomed since its introduction. One day, a crazy pony had it in his head to attach a container of volatile magic essence to a wooden carriage, and the next, everyone now owns at least one of these so-called carriages. Thankfully, the scientists and researchers at Canterlot reconfigured the carriages with a much safer design. With so many ponies learning to drive this new machinery, more ponies have been trained to teach the young and old on how to operate such complex vehicles and on the newly established Equestrian traffic laws.

With so many ponies available for instructing, why are you, a young stallion from a small town like Ponyville, currently sitting next to the nighttime ruler of Equestria and controller of the moon, Princess Luna?

Said princess is currently seated in the driver’s seat, examining the dashboard in front of her with a look of scrutiny on her face. “Pray tell, what is the meaning of this gauge?” she asks, pointing to the large gauge on the left.

You’re shaken out of your moment of self-contemplation. However you got to this point doesn’t matter now. You have a student to teach. A student who is also your ruling princess and was once formerly known as Nightmare Moon…

“That’s the speedometer, Your Highness,” you say. “It shows how fast you’re going.”

She holds up a hoof. “Please. As your current student, you may call us, Luna. We hope the lack of formality will ease you.”

You give a nervous smile. “Okay… Luna. ” Dropping the title has not made the experience any more comfortable. It has done only the opposite.

The whole ordeal will be over soon enough, and you’ll be home with a bottle of cider to help you forget this whole day. You go over the basic components of the carriage—the throttle, the brakes, the steering wheel.

“What is the purpose of this?” she interjects, place a hoof on the gear stick.

Your eyes widen. Images of a runaway carriage barreling through the streets of Canterlot flashes through your mind. Crashing. Screaming. A whole lot of honking. More screaming. Crying.

“Wait!”

Your hooves shoot to your mouth. The princess’s eyes are on you, looking rather startled by your outburst. You inwardly curse to yourself. She’s a princess. She wouldn’t be reckless enough to set the carriage in motion. Besides, the engine isn’t even turned on... Gathering your composure, you clear your throat.

“What I mean to say is, please, don’t touch anything until I briefly go over everything, okay?” you ask sweetly.

Her hoof leaves the gearstick and hangs in the air as she looks at you. “We apologize for our actions. Please continue.”

You quickly go over the different gears of the transmission and move onto the mirrors. “Did you check your mirrors?” you ask, going through the mental checklist in your head.

She raises a brow. “Why do we need to check? They work as they always should.”

You saw this question coming as it’s been asked by others before Princess Luna. If you had a bit for every time that question’s been asked, you wouldn't be here in the first place. At least you’re getting paid for this. “Well… it’s important to get a proper view of your sides and rear. It’s expected that you check your mirrors during your test, Princess.”

“We see… Also, what have we said about our name?” she says, sending an annoyed glance in your direction.

“Er, sorry, Prin—I mean, Luna!”

She smiles. You force a smile on your face.

She glances at the rearview mirror before a blue glow tips it by a fraction of a centimeter. “Now, time to commence the driving session!” she shouts.

Your smile vanishes, as if a bucket of ice water fell on you. At least she had enough sense to figure out how to turn on the engine. The carriage rumbles as magic essence is released into the engine.

You glance down the recently-built castle driveway. “Okay, I want you to put this carriage into drive and just take it easy getting us moving.”

“As you wish,” she says.

You feel the brakes let go as the vehicle begins to slowly move, and for a moment, you think you can go through this day without any accidents. Maybe this won’t be as bad as you think.

That train of thought derailed itself when the Princess started using the gas pedal.

The thing about being a Princess means access to luxuries that most ponies only dream of. As an Equestrian princess, it meant Princess Luna received only the best and most expensive of gifts from her ponies, one of those gifts being the newest model of carriages. A two-seater with a convertible top, comfortable for even the tallest of ponies. From 0 to 510 SPM (strides per minute) in 7.0 seconds, it is the fastest carriage ever built up-to-date.

And you’re sitting in it right now, screaming.

A mailbox bounces off the windshield, sending monthly subscriptions and envelopes into your vision. Thank the sun and moon that the windshields are practically unbreakable and shatterproof.

“We are becoming more accustomed to this!” Princess Luna shouts over the wind. “Though, we must ask if this machine can go any faster! Tis far too slow for our liking!”

Once the windshield wipers turn on and clear the mail away, you find the carriage heading down a busy street of Canterlot…on the wrong side of the road.

“Watch out!” you yell as other drivers honk their horns and shake a hoof as the two of you narrowly avoid collision.

“Out of the way, lest ye desire our wrath!” you hear Princess Luna shout back at a honking carriage.

“The road, Your Highness! The road!”

The carriage jerks right, and you're back on the right side of the road. The only thing that's been keeping you inside the vehicle is the seatbelt that’s been throwing you around like tethered ragdoll. You’re barely keeping the contents of your stomach down as you’re jostled around. But keeping the Princess’s new carriage clean is the least of your worries as you notice ponies jumping out of the way as the carriage barrels down the sidewalk. Now that you get a better look around, you notice you’re not even on the road anymore.

“Are we driving through the market?!” you ask, just as the carriage destroys a stall carrying apple-themed knick-knacks. In the side mirror, you catch a pair of unicorn brothers crying over what’s left of their wares.

“It appears so,” Princess Luna says. “Fret not. We know a shortcut that will take us out of here.”

She makes a sharp left through some tents, plowing through racks of dresses, cases of jewelry, and boxes of shoes. By the time you reach the end, you’re dressed in a complete ensemble. Frankly, you’re impressed on how Princess Luna managed to do that just from driving through some tents and how well she coordinated your outfit.

She takes one look at you and gives a thoughtful look. “Hmm, yes. We suppose that dress does match those shoes. Perhaps we should look for something ourselves.”

Your eyes widen. “What?”

She makes a sharp right into another line of tents, earning some angry shouts from vendors and consumers. The carriage exits the market and is back on the road. Beside you, Princess Luna is now wearing a white scarf and stylish sunglasses. After fixing her mane and making minor adjustments to her scarf, she glances at the rearview mirror.

“Hmm, what do you think?” she asks you. “Are the glasses too much?”

“It’s fine! Can you just focus on the road, Princess?” you shout.

“What have we said about calling us Princess?”

Up ahead, you see the worst possible scenario that’s about to cross your path as a red ball bounces onto the street, followed by a small filly who is completely unaware of the death machine hurtling towards her. Tossing any thought of the consequences out the window, you yell into the Princess’s ear as loud as you can over the roaring engines and the wind.

“STOP!”

And stop it did at the moment the word left your mouth. The carriage jerks to an abrupt halt. Your entire face comes close to becoming an ugly mess on the dashboard, saved only by the blue aura of Equestrian Princess magic. The Princess seems more fazed by the assault on her ears than the actual force of the carriage stopping. In front of us, the filly hardly seems concerned and is busy playing with her ball as she moves out of the way.

You unbuckle your seatbelt and stumble out of the car with shaky legs. An unpleasant heaving noise fills the air. You pull off your dress and kick off the shoes that you got during your visit to the market before trudging down the sidewalk.

“Instructor pony? Where are you going?” she calls from the carriage

You cough a bit after having expelled the contents of your stomach onto the sidewalk. “Home,” you say, rasply.

The carriage slowly pulls up to you and matches your pace as it rolls down the street. “But what about our session?”

“Session’s over.”

“Oh,” she says. “When will our next lesson start?”

“In a few.”

“Minutes?”

“Centuries,” you reply. You round a corner with Princess Luna still following you.

“But tis thy duty to teach us! Surely, you would not forsaken us.”

“There’ll be plenty of other driving instructors to help you out, Princess. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“Was it something we have done? Tell us and we will amend.”

“What you’ve done?” you ask incredulously. “How about what you didn't do? You’ve broken almost every traffic law since we left the castle! Going off road and driving through a heavily crowded market? It hasn’t been an hour yet. It’s almost unbelievable how we ended up in that situation!”

“Oh… We see,” she says quietly. “Then, I suppose this is farewell.” In a flash, both she and the carriage were gone, probably back to the castle. In the meantime, you start heading home, feeling worse than when Princess Luna was driving.

~~~~~~~

A week has gone by in relative peace (as peaceful as a driving instructor’s life can get). You find yourself by a cafe, sitting outside and sipping on a glass of lemonade as you enjoy your lunch. No princess. No cars. Just you and your thoughts.

Something blurry shoots past you, taking out your table and anything on it. You barely had time to react and duck as broken glass and pieces of a wooden debris fly out in all directions. When the initial commotion has died down, you take a peek and see a familiar and miraculously intact carriage sitting in the middle of the wreckage of a broken wall. A pony stumbles out of the carriage, looking shaken up as he begins trotting away.

“My apologies, Princess. But I just don’t think I am the one appropriate for this job.”

Princess Luna gets out of the carriage from the other side. “We understand. You may go now.”

She sighs as she trots up to the carriage and pushes it out of the hole in the wall with seemingly no effort.

You hesitantly walk up to her. “Princess Luna, are you alright?”

“Hmm? Oh… Yes, we are fine. Not to worry. Alicorns have outstanding durability. It would take a bit more to actually hurt us.”

“How is driving?” you awkwardly ask.

“Tis going well.”

“Need another driving instructor, huh?”

She sighs. “Yes. He’s the seventh one this week.”

You wince.

“None of them were right for us, I'm afraid.”

You bite your lip. Perhaps you were too quick to give up on her. And maybe a little harsh. “Well… how about I give you a few pointers?”

“Pointers?” she asks.

“Yeah, some advice. Now, you see how you’re always going so fast? Maybe just ease off the gas a bit.”

“We have tried but we appear to be too strong for such a sensitive lever.”

“You can be gentle. I know you can.” You might regret your next choice of words. “Come on. Try it again.”

You open the driver’s door of the carriage for the Princess.

“You… You want us to drive again? Have you hit your head when we drove by?” she says bewildered. “Did you forget what happened the first time?”

Oh, you didn't forget, nor will you ever. You hop into the passenger seat and buckle up. “You’ll just have to keep trying. And if you crash, then I'll have to be a better teacher. That is, if you’ll let me…”

She stares at you. “You won't leave? Truly?”

You sigh. “I am so sorry. I haven't been thinking about you at all. It was wrong of me to abandon you like that. I don't deserve to be your instructor.”

A wing falls over you, and you see Princess Luna strapped in and checking her mirror. “You may have left, but unlike the others, you came back. So please, teach us.”

“Okay, Luna,” you say. She smiles as you call her name.

You turn forward and take a deep breath. “Alright, let's do this.”

The carriage is put into reverse, and the two of you drive off… backwards.

~~~~~~~

You’re waiting in front of the DMV. After several more days filled with crashes, you deemed Luna’s driving acceptable enough for her to take the test. Of course, that doesn't stop you from pacing worriedly. You're more worried with how strict the examiner will be.

You shake those thoughts out of your head. Luna has improved a lot since you first sat in that carriage. Now, you just have to trust her that she will do well.

The door to the DMV opens, and Princess Luna steps out. “Huzzah! We have passed!” She pulls out a driver's license with her picture on it.

“That’s great!”

“And we have you to thank for it.”

You wave a hoof dismissively. “I didn't do much. It was all you. Most of the time, I just sat there scared out of my wits. Besides, what kind of instructor would I be if I decided to abandon a student?”

“One bad experience does not make a pony,” she says.

“Nor a bad student,” you say.

“Nor a bad teacher.”

You both laugh. When your laughter has subsided, you give her a warm smile.

“It’s been an… interesting time, Luna. It’s about time I leave. Who knows when we’ll meet again? Maybe on the streets of Canterlot.”

She laughs, and you’re left looking quite confused. “What are you talking about? We will see you again when you teach our sister next.”

The whole sentimental moment deflates like a balloon. “W-what?”

“With Celestia busy with her duties, she hadn’t the time to learn how to drive. That is, until we stepped in to clear up her schedule. Isn’t that wonderful?”

Your lips twitch painfully as you keep up your smile. “Sounds… great.”

She throws her hooves around you in a crushing hug, tossing you around like a stuffed animal. “Oh, we just know you will do an excellent job.”

She drops you on the ground.

“Goodbye. We will see you tomorrow with our sister.”

In a flash of light, the newly-licensed speed demon is gone, probably teleported to another part of the castle. In your numb state of mind, you trot away with a feeling so complicated, a little bit of relief that it's over and a little bit of dread of what's to come.

What’s done is done. You stare up at the sky and contemplate to yourself. You wonder if banishment to the moon will get you out of this.

Author's Note

*510 spm = ~47 mph

Started writing this in March 2015. I'm just glad it's finally done.