Do You Masturbate?

by EarthbendingProdigy

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Velvet, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Night Light, Anthro, Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Sex
Length: 6377

It is a question Captain of the Guard Night Light asks cadets at the guard academy every year as a condition for graduating and becoming full fledged guards, but this year he will have to ask his own son Shining Armor this question.

It is a question Captain of the Guard Night Light asks cadets at the guard academy every year as a condition for graduating and becoming full fledged guards, but this year he will have to ask his own son Shining Armor this question.

Published 2015-12-22 03:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-08 00:51:17 UTC

Why do I have to ask him that?

Author's Note

This story was inspired by a conversation I had on mlp forums where a user named Floor Tom revealed that he had to answer this very question when he was applying to become a cop. This chapter is the setup and the next one will be the punchline so to speak. This story won't contain any explicit depictions of sexual activity, but will have a lot of innuendo.

Why do I have to ask him that?

Captain Night Light as usual was busy; various papers and ink flying across was a common sight in Captain Night Light's office, especially at this time of year. The time of year, when seniors at the guard academy were getting ready to graduate, a time he both loved and hated at the same time. Night Light usually didn't mind paperwork and, but there was so much paperwork during this time of year that it drove even a master organizer like Night Light a bit stir crazy.

"Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, why does there have to be so much damned paperwork?" Night Light sighed in frustration, as he went through the seemingly endless stacks of papers in front of him; paying only as much attention as was necessary, until he saw a familiar face on one of them.

"Cadet Shining Armor, born in Canterlot, Equestria to mother Twilight Velvet, and father Night Light..."

At that moment Night Light felt as if everything stopped, he could swear he could hear his own heartbeat, and the usually quiet ticking of the clock behind him seemed as if it was getting louder by the minute. Night Light opened up his desk drawer, and pulled out a bottle of liquor and a shot glass. He preferred to save his "liquid courage" until later in the process but this year was going to be one of those exceptions. Just as he began to pour himself a second drink he heard a knock at the door.

"This is Captain Night Light, state your business."

"This is Commandant Swift Sword, may I speak with you a moment captain?"

"Yes, come in."

As Commandant Swift Sword came in he saw the bottle and shot glass shook his head and said.

"Dude, I can't believe you are already drinking on the first day of applications. What happened to Mr. pencil pusher, who often told his cadets that a 'disorganized pony will lead a disorganized life?'" Swift Sword jokingly said as he made a poor impression of the captain.

Night Light simply looked at Swift Sword and sighed, he knew he was right that it wasn't a good idea to already be drinking and that he wasn't entirely himself, but he didn't know what to say.

"I have some good news for you, Shining Armor has passed all his standardized exams with flying colors and only has his final interview before graduating and being accepted as a full guard." Commandant Swift Sword smiled.

"Yes, I know, but it is the interview I am worried about, you are his uncle so you know how shy and reserved Shining is about sex ." Night Light whispered the last word almost as if it were some forbidden incantation.

"It is true he was and still is, but he has started to open up a bit since he started dating Princess Cadence." Swift Sword reminded Night Light.

"Letting your gorgeous marefriend service you, is a bit different than answering embarrassing questions in front of family and strangers at the same time." Night Light said as memories of walking in on them came flooding back to his mind.

"She already gave him a BJ?" Swift Sword asked as he flashed a perverted smile.

Night Light angrily glared at Swift Sword, making it very clear that he wanted the conversation to end.

"Okay, listen you have done enough for today and Velvet will probably want you home soon for dinner. Just call it a day, sleep on it, and everything will be fine." Swift Sword said trying to make him feel better.

"I suppose you are right." Night Light agreed as he looked up at the clock.

"Your son, my nephew will do fine, but you won't if you don't get home to Velvet. Nobody, but my big sis could give me a scar like this." Swift Sword joked as he pointed to this large scar on his forehead.

"You got that from a training accident you big bullshitter, but thanks. I still feel nervous but at least a bit better I mean I am going to be asking about my son's masturbation habits for the love of Celestia." Night Light said with slight exasperation and disbelief.

"Yes, but it is an important test we all went through." Swift Sword reminded him.

"I know, it doesn't make it any less bizarre, but anyway I will see you later." Night Light sighed as he tried to at least for a little while forget the unpleasant task that awaited him.

Night Light usually took one drink before leaving as part of his closing time ritual, but decided it was best to simply put it away. Night Light may have been a pony of habit, but he made sure as best he could that was a pony of good habits rather than bad ones. After the whiskey was back in its cabinet and the papers in their place he locked up, gave his keys to the night guard captain and made his way home.

"I wonder what is for dinner?" Night Light kept wondering as he walked home.

As Night Light walked into his house he saw his loving wife and his two children waiting for him and the unmistakable smell of pizza.

"Honey you didn't tell me you were ordering a pizza tonight, I would have brought something home if I would have known." Night Light said as he kissed his wife on the cheek and sat down.

"Yay, daddy is home now we can eat." Twilight said as she bounced up and down excitedly.

"I got this for Shining for his upcoming graduation, he worked so hard and it is his favorite." Twilight Velvet grinned with pride.

"Yes, he just has one more interview before..." Night Light reminded them.

"I do, but I will ace it no problem." Shining Armor interrupted as he placed a large slice of pizza on his plate.

As much as Night Light enjoyed the celebration and his sons confidence, none of it made him feel better. Of course for now all he could was fulfill his duty as captain and hope for the best. He wished he could tell his son, what the test entailed and why it was deemed so important or at least give him a hint; but such a thing was considered a serious breach of protocol. He simply took part in the celebration, however pre mature he saw it as, trying as best as he could to hide the nervous tension going on in his mind. It took him 3 tries to pass this interview, to answer the dreaded question and he was now the captain, so perhaps his son taking more than one try wouldn't be the end of the world. It was a thought that would help him through these next few days as he went through more applications and eagerly, yet nervously anticipated the interview.

Why are they asking me this?

It was four days after Shining Armor found out about his interview, not knowing what it entailed he studied for those next few days, making que cards and practicing answer questions he believed they were likely to ask him in this interview. Since last minute cram sessions always made him nervous he preferred to relax the day of a test, he gave his boots one last shine and made sure his shirt was tucked in before he left.

"Big brother, mom told me to give this to you." Twilight Sparkle said as she gave Shining Armor a hand written note that looks like it was written at the last minute.

To my son, I am sorry I couldn't say goodbye before your big interview, but they want me to cover for someone who had to go to the hospital because she was sick. They haven't told me exactly what I am doing yet and seem unusually hush hush about it, but I just want you to know that mommy is very proud of you.

"Thanks sis, I will see you a bit later." Shining Armor said as he started to walk out the door.

"Good luck, there is no question my big brother can't answer."

As Shining Armor made his way over to the castle part of him felt confident, yet there was also a part of him that was slightly uneasy. His father always acted strange this time of year yet was even more so this year and it seemed a bit strange that his mother was being called to cover for somepony without them telling her what she was doing, but he decided that it was best to try not to think about those matters at least for now. As he checked in, he was escorted by two guards one male and the other female clad in what appeared to be ceremonial armor he had never seen before. The armor was a bright silver, much purer than most suits of armor Shining Armor had seen yet it was the insignia's that made them stand out. The male guard had a symbol of a sword being polished on his breastplate and an erupting volcano on his shield while the female guard had a white lotus flower being trimmed on her breastplate and a dripping honeypot on her shield.

"Those symbols have had sexual connotations in ancient cultures, but that can't be what they meant in this context can they?" Shining Armor wondered to himself.

As Shining Armor followed the guards he tried not to let this unexpected development throw him off, he tried not to stare but found it difficult not to. They stopped at a large door with two slots in it that were shaped exactly like their shields and with the same symbols on their shields. The male and female guards stuck their shields in their appropriate slots causing the door to slide open. They walked to what appeared to be a waiting room full of other candidates. As they walked into the room the male guard started to speak.

"Cadet, you may be seated once you sign in and may read any of the books or magazines in this waiting room but you are not to speak to any of the cadets and may not speak to any officers unless spoken to. Your name will be called momentarily, do you understand cadet."

"Yes sir." Shining Armor responded as he saluted them.

"We will now take our leave to escort other candidates, cadet Shining Armor" the female guard said as she took her turn to speak.

As Shining Armor signed in he looked at the various magazines before sitting down, he saw a surprising amount of celebrity gossip magazines which he had no interest in, there were various sports and weapons magazines but the issues were quite old despite the magazines relative good condition. To his surprise though he also saw various "swimsuit editions" of some of his favorite magazines, some of them he has made use of during his "alone time".

"Dammit boner, not now." Shining Armor thought to himself as he tried to find something else, anything else to read.

"Hmmm lets see, the top 10 hottest celebrity stallions. Okay, I am not into stallions so this should do the trick." Shining Armor muttered silently as he started to read the magazine.

Shining Armor's unwelcome arousal began to die down as he looked at the suggestive pictures of various stallions and read the various articles in the magazine. Certain matters such as fashion and celebrity gossip as usual bored him, but was exactly what he needed. There were some slightly suggestive pictures of mares, but he simply skipped through them. Just when he thought he was in the clear though he saw the words "how to make him cum, tips and tricks on how to drive your stallion wild." His nose spouted blood almost instantly at his discovery of that article, some of it much to his dismay staining the magazine.

"Shit" Shining Armor quietly swore as he took out his spare handkerchief from his shirt pocket.

He dabbed the stain, inadvertently smearing the blood further into the page in his panic.

"Crap, I can't believe this is happening after so many years." Shining Armor thought to himself.

Flashbacks of bad memories came flooding into Shining Armor's mind as he remembered magazines he had accidentally stained after getting carried away from his "self amusement sessions" as he often called them. What this magazine was stained with may be different but what caused it was a bit too similar for comfort for Shining Armor.

"At least it is not as sticky." Shining Armor thought to himself as tried to make himself feel better as he resigned himself to the fact that he probably wouldn't get the stain out.

"Cadet Shining Armor."

Shining Armor stepped forward as he heard his name being called, he wasn't off to a good start so far but he cleaned himself up and quickly walked up to the front desk and hope they wouldn't notice his blunder at least until after the interview was over.

"Cadet, your interview will be conducted on the second room to your left you are to knock on the door and state your name when asked is that clear?"

"Yes sir."

Shining Armor walked toward the door and noticed a female cadet come out, he knew her everyone did, she was nice enough but often took things seriously, a bit too seriously in the opinions of some of the cadets yet as she walked past him he saw an entirely different side of her. She had her hand on her face, almost as if she were trying to hide it. What Shining Armor could see of her face was that she was blushing profusely.

"Good luck." She whispered in Shining Armors ear as she began to leave.

"Did she of all ponies fail? No, she seems happy despite her embarrassment, but why the embarrassment?" Shining Armor wondered to himself as he knocked on the door.

"State your name cadet."

"Shining Armor."

Once he said his name the door was opened by a pair of male and female guards each wearing the same ceremonial armor and shields as the last one he saw. They lead Shining Armor inside as they closed the door behind them into a large room with multiple desks, one in the middle and some steps leading up to a long desk with multiple chairs. Shining Armor recognized this room, it was the same one he saw depicted in his history book where guards who abused their power were court martialed. He had done nothing wrong, so he wasn't concerned about that but it seemed almost as if they were deliberately making this situation as uncomfortable as possible. As Shining Armor sat down he saw his father and uncle sitting next to each other, the room was silent for a few moments until his father broke the silence.

"Cadet Shining Armor, today you are here to answer some questions many of which may be a bit uncomfortable and the purpose of which you may not understand right away, but please understand that these questions no matter how absurd and irrelevant they may seem are important. As your father I am of course proud of you, but during this interview you are to address me as your captain not your father is that understood?"

"Sir yes, captain sir!"

"Very good I am Captain Night Light and this you recognize as Commandant Swift Sword of the guard academy and we will be questioning you today but we will also have some help from a few others who are now to come out."

A few more figures came out from a backroom, each seating themselves one by one as Night Light introduced them. At first they were high ranking officers that Shining Armor didn't know, but the last two were a bit surprising.

"The last questioner is Princess Celestia who was kind enough to take some time out of her busy schedule for this interview today and our stenographer is librarian and archivist Twilight Velvet.

Shining Armor noticed a calm and composed face on most of them yet noticed his father have a nervous twitch and his mother blushing an even brighter shade of red than that female cadet that walked out. Something was strange about this interview, but he didn't know what. His train of thought was interrupted by Night Light saying.

"Cadet Shining Armor, there is no gentlemanly way to ask this question and in my personal experience trying to sugarcoat it seems to do no good so I will simply ask point blank... Do you masturbate?"

The room fell dead silent once the question was asked, for Shining Armor it was as if time had stood still, he stared at his father who poured himself a glass of whiskey and his mother who tried to keep her composure as she was writing down various notes. He took a gulp and a deep breath and asked.

"Excuse me Captain Night Light but have I heard you correctly, did you ask me if I masturbate?" Shining Armor asked hoping it was a trick question.

Night Light chugged down the shotglass and simply answered.

"Yes cadet, I asked and will ask again do you masturbate?"

Shining Armor was completely speechless, he stared in disbelief.

"The rumors are true, they really do ask us if we masturbate, I thought they were too ridiculous to possibility be true but here I am." Shining Armor thought to himself.

"I will ask one last time, do you masturbate cadet?"

"Yes..." Shining Armor reluctantly blurted out.

"What was that? I don't hear you cadet."

"Sir yes sir! I masturbate!" Shining Armor answered as he gave a salute.

"Very good cadet, Velvet can you please read the cadets answer." Night Light said as he stared at Twilight Velvet

"Let the record show that Cadet Shining Armor though hesitant at first said loudly, 'sir yes sir! I masturbate!'" Twilight Velvet responded her face growing more bright red by the second.

"Inspector general I believe you have the next question." Night Light said as he pointed to an elderly stallion in what appeared to be a captains uniform.

"Very well, Cadet Shining Armor you have confirmed that you in fact masturbate, so our next question for you is how often do you masturbate?"

"Why are they asking me this? What am I auditioning to be a pornstar?" Shining Armor thought to himself.

"Cadet, as Inspector General and former guard captain I am technically on semi retirement I have a golf game in an hour and want to get this done."

Shining Armor could tell he didn't want to be here, that it was likely his sense of duty that kept him there and remember what his father told him about the former guard captain having a nasty temper so he gathered up his courage as he answered.

"Well sir, I used to masturbate twice a day, usually once in the morning and once at night and sometimes three times on weekends but now I hardly ever need to do it anymore."

"Hardly ever? Usually such a precipitous drop is due to a cadet becoming sexually active, did you get a marefriend?" The Inspector General asked

"Yes sir, I have been dating Princess Cadence for the last few months." Shining Armor answered with a slight smile on his face.

"Okay, I had heard rumors from officers and cadets, but I dismissed it as mere bullshit so I was wrong cadet?"

Princess Celestia began to speak and said.

"I can in fact confirm that my niece has been dating this young stallion Inspector General Stern Warning, and if you don't mind I would like to take over the questioning for a while."

"Very well your majesty, but it baffles me why you agreed to this." Stern Warning said.

"I have my reasons inspector both as princess and as an aunt. As for you young cadet, you stated that you haven't needed to masturbate as much lately was this before or after you started dating my niece?"

"I would just like you to know that I love your niece very much and with her with the utmost respect." Shining Armor replied nervously.

"I would hope you would, but that dosen't answer my question and evasion and flattery will get you nowhere." Celestia replied

"It is after I started dating Cadence, your majesty." Shining Armor answered reluctantly.

"And what say you stenographer Velvet?" Captain Night Light asked.

"Let the record be shown that my son... uh I mean cadet Shining Armor's masturbation frequency went down considerably after he started dating Princess Cadence." Twilight Velvet reluctantly acknowledged as memories of cleaning up various semen stains from her sons masturbation sessions flooded her mind.

"Since you and my niece have started dating have you slept with her?" Celestia asked.

"Are you certain it is appropriate to ask this here and now? This particular question wouldn't just be about me." Shining Armor asked with slight concern.

"Everything said here is confidential and I suspect that her majesty may have spoken to Cadence before agreeing to ask such a question cadet." Night Light clarified.

Shining Armor tried, but knew the excuse wouldn't work with how open Cadence was with her sexuality much to his embarrassment.

"Yes, she evidently seems to have an even higher sex drive than me actually, so we have done it quite often."Shining Armor replied as wiped some nervous sweat from his forehead.

"Let the record show that Cadet Shining Armor's mmastur...batory activity decreased considerably as a result of having an active sex life with his marefriend Princess Cadence." Twilight Velvet stammered through her statement as she kept battling her overwhelming need to run and hide and her desire to do her duty.

If they were talking in private Captain Night Light would likely give his son a high five for a successful love life, but now he kept pouring himself more and more whiskey to dull his embarrassment at this bizarre spectacle. Celestia simply nodded at the others as she was satisfied with his answers. Commandant Swift Sword knew it was his turn to ask a question, he looked around and thought for a moment and then asked.

"Cadet, was your first time with Cadence?"

"Yes, it was and it was the right time and with the right pony." Shining Armor answered the question with surprising ease.

"Can you tell us a bit about it, Cadet?" Commandant Swift Sword asked.

"Can I have a drink of that whiskey captain?" Shining Armor asked as he felt a knot in the pit of his stomach.

"Yes, I will give you one shot but only one." Captain Night Light said as he pulled out another shot glass and poured it to the top and motioned for Shining Armor to approach.

As Shining Armor took the glass and sat down, he quickly chugged it down.

"Bleh, uh dad how can you drink this shit? It tastes like medicine and stale piss." Shining Armor asked as he tried to get the taste out of his mouth.

"Remember, for this interview you are not to address me as your father or the commandant as your uncle cadet." Night Light chastized him.

"Yes sir and to answer the question asked by the commandant to tell you the honest truth my first time was extremely awkward. Lets just say it ended on a rather pre mature note."

"Did you ejaculate pre maturely cadet?" the Commandant asked.

"I uh...." Shining Armor drew a blank as he struggled to answer.

"I will ask again did you cum too quickly?"

Shining Armor remained silent, this was an embarrassing occurrence for any stallion especially one that preferred to keep "private" things private like him.

"One last time, did you make hasty pudding? Finish first in the one peter dash? Rush to smudgement..."

"Yes, damn it! I prematurely ejaculated! Next question please." Shining Armor shouted out in a mix of anger, annoyance and embarrassment.

"I see, how did it begin?" the commandant asked.

"My parents were out for their anniversary and Cadence was foal sitting my little sister. I came by after I was done for the day at the academy, Cadence was reading a bed time story to her and it didn't take long for her to go to sleep. Cadence and I talked about sex for the last week or so before this but she suggested we go to my room and do it there, after some reluctance she persuaded me but on one condition, that we do it in my parents bedroom because it was further away and there would be less of chance of Twilight overhearing or accidentally walking in on us. She could tell I was eager as was she so uh got right to it and after I got over my disappointment we did it again two more times that same night and they were a lot better than that first time thankfully."

"Let the record show that my sss... I mean cadet Shining Armor had his first time with Cadence in my and my husb... I mean his parents bedroom with him finishing pre maturely the first time but with him saying he fared better the other two times." Twilight Velvet stated.

"Okay, that is enough about the cadets sex life for now lets get back to masturbation. When you masturbate do you or have you used pornography of any kind?" Captain Night Light asked.

"Yes, but I have mostly stuck to suggestive rather than outright explicit material mostly due to walking into a dirty bookstore and buying this stuff being a bit embarrassing and I of course sometimes resort to simply using my imagination."

"Material such as?" Night Light asked

"Swimsuit issues of various magazines as well as pinups in sports magazines." Shining Armor replied.

"What do you think of when you are touching yourself? What gets your ahem 'private' to stand at attention?" Night Light asked as he poured himself another drink.

"I don't know mostly fairly normal what some would call vanilla sex though some of my thoughts go to me being dominated by a mare and as I learned after my first time I seem to have a strong pregnancy fetish, I forgot that Cadence cast the no foals spell before and I had an odd mix of fear and arousal at the thought that I might have gotten her pregnant." Shining Armor said as he was getting more comfortable as the shock of the questions was starting to wear down a bit.

"Holy shit he is saying almost the exact same thing his mother said when I first asked her this question when we started doing it?" Night Light thought to himself.

Inspector General Stern Warning spoke up as he noticed Night Light starting to lose his composure. "Can you clarify for us the fantasies you mentioned where you are being dominated by a mare?"

"I suppose it is the idea of letting go and letting someone else take charge that turns me on, some of it involves things like being tied down but much of it is simply being able to relax and trust someone enough to let them have their way with you if that makes sense. I have to be in control and command of everything almost everyday in this environment so there is something oddly liberating about Cadence pushing me a bit further than I may normally be comfortable with." Shining Armor admitted.

"You are much more calm and at ease than when the interview started, why?" Inspector General Stern Warning asked.

"Ever since that first question was asked in this interview I was shocked and horrified, but as I see all these questions being asked I see that you are all just as nervous if not more so than me which is making all the things my lovely marefriend has been telling me about not being afraid or embarrassed of my sexual side actually start to make sense. Here we are making a huge deal out of something completely natural and healthy, captain I always see you drinking heavily around this time of year and for your sake and for ours you need to stop doing that. Inspector General, I can tell you are not just being stern because of your position and you need to lighten up a bit. Commandant, you seem more worried about your cadets than the subject matter which I can understand. Your majesty, I love your niece very much and though it is still early in the relationship I hope she will one day make me the happiest stallion the world and marry me. And lastly stenographer Velvet, mom I know this has been difficult for you as you were probably not expecting to do this of all things today, but after this is all done I think you and dad need time alone together."

Both Night Light and Twilight Velvet stared at each other and their son, their obvious embarrassment written on their faces, his uncle and the Inspector Generals mouths were both open wide in shock as to what was said as Celestia simply started chuckling.

"You know our son is right honey." Twilight Velvet broke the silence.

"Uh sweetie, I don't think this is the time to..." Night Light stammered as he sense his wife was going to reveal something deeply personal.

"We have been married a long time yet we haven't had sex for the last 3 months and the last time we did it felt forced and mechanical like we were simply going through the motions, I don't blame you or myself between work and the kids it has been difficult to find time but I want us to make the time. When we are done today I want you to take me to bed and fuck me until I can't even stand anymore just like you used to." Twilight Velvet said with conviction.

Commandant Swift Sword never knew his sister to use profanity but then again he wasn't the one sleeping with her, he nodded his head as if to give a silent blessing.

"Myself, the commandant and the other participants in this interview which vary depending on the individual applicant usually go in the backroom to deliberate in private for a little while but given the unusual circumstances I will simply announce now that you cadet Shining Armor have passed the interview and will be assigned the rank of private after passing basic training and depending on how you do after a year or two in service may be eligible for officer training. Congratulations my boy, and with that said I thank Celestia your interview was last today because your mother and I have some personal business to attend to." Night Light said as came and picked up his wife and started to carry her out the door.

Shining Armor breathed a sigh of relief, today was truly and exhausting and strange day but also a very rewarding one. As he relaxed for a moment to collect his thoughts Princess Celestia spoke up.

"Young man, I am very proud of you today, Cadence has been watching Twilight today but I will take over for her."

"Thank you your majesty I..."

"There is no reason to be so formal, go enjoy the rest of your day and most likely your night." Celestia said as she started to escort him out.

That is why they asked me that.

Author's Note

I am considering writing a cloppy spin off of this going into detail the sex scenes between Cadence and Shining Armor and Night Light and Twilight Velvet.

That is why they asked me that.

The next morning Shining Armor woke up in his marefriend Cadences bedroom, she kissed him.

"Good morning stud, I don't know what got into you last night, but I like it."

"You don't know what got into me, but I know what got into you last night and what might get into you again a bit later." Shining Armor said as he gave Cadence a playful slap on her behind.

"Oooh Shiny, I am looking forward to it." Cadence cooed.

As they both started to get dressed they heard a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Cadence asked with a slight twinge of annoyance as she was fairly certain she remembered to place the do not disturb sign on the door.

"It is your Aunt Celestia, I am here to give Shining Armor his graduation announcement date." Celestia said as she slipped a formal looking slip of paper under the door.

"You passed? So that explains why you were so happy, but still not the confidence entirely I want to hear all about it later." Cadence smiled happily.

"It was the strangest day of my entire life, but it had a happy ending, a very very happy ending." Shining Armor said as he stared lovingly at his marefriend.

"Aunt Celestia told me about the interview and why they ask those kinds of questions years ago actually." Cadence admitted.

"Is it because you are a princess like her?" Shining Armor asked.

"Yes, it is all princesses and high ranked government ministers know about this and are tasked with keeping it a secret." Cadence admitted.

"But that begs the question of why they would ask sexual questions like that, what kind of purpose could it have?" Shining Armor said as he scratched his head.

"My Aunt Celestia got the idea 1000 years ago from a conversation with somepony she was close to, but she wouldn't tell me who it was. She recognized that it made her uncomfortable and suggested to the then guard captain that it could be used as a way to test out candidates for the royal guard to see how they respond to awkward and uncomfortable situations and how honest and trust worthy they are and it has been used ever since." Cadence said as she scratched her head wondering who this pony was that aunt Celestia talked to.

"It is a psychological test, but what if the candidate dosen't masturbate?" Shining Armor asked.

"It assumes that most ponies masturbate, and that many of the ones who say they don't are lying about it which seems to be the case given how uneasy many ponies are with that and various other aspects of sexuality, it is quite tragic really." Cadence sighed.

"So candidates who say they don't masturbate aren't automatically disqualified if they are found to have told the truth?" Shining Armor asked.

"It is rare, but yes nearly all of the candidates who have denied masturbating have been found to actually have actually done it." Cadence replied.

"My parents taught me that sex was something special, I think they knew I touched myself but we never really talked about it until yesterday. Most of my sex education was from the academy and reading biology books." Shining Armor said as he started to daydream a bit about his past.

"My aunt Celestia also told me something she hasn't told anypony else, apparently she also implemented this because though she wanted guards that had moral character she also wanted to make sure that they weren't completely uptight, because in her words 'i didn't want some high and mighty morality police that forgot that though they are in positions of public trust that they themselves are ponies just like anypony else.'" Cadence smiled proudly.

One week later, friends and family watched as Shining Armor was set to graduate, as it was not unusual for military service to run in families many in the audience also wore uniforms for the occasion. As Shining Armor sat patiently for his name to be called he looked out to his mother, younger sister and Cadence along with a few friends all sitting next each other he wanted to enjoy the sight but for now he simply looked to the stage patiently for his name to be called.

"Cadet, Silver Spear, Cadet Thunderstorm, Cadet Rising Falcon..." Commandant Swift Sword read the names of the graduates one by one as they came up to the podium to be handed a rank insignia by the captain.

Shining Armor was relieved that most of his friends seem to have made it, he looked back and forth between his mother, sister and a few friends and other family who were sitting in the audience chamber above him.

"Cadet, Armored Wing..." Shining Armor looked closely at the stage and recognized the face, it was that same female cadet who was interviewed before him.

As she walked off the stage she went up to a male cadet that had his name called before her and started to kiss him, his face gave a slight blush as he pulled her into his arms.

"She is a very different mare than she was yesterday." Shining Armor thought to himself.

As they walked toward the exit, they broke the kiss and he heard the male cadet ask.

"I know we have been friends since we were foals and this may be dumb question but are we special some ponies now?"

"You are damn right we are handsome, I waited far too long with this and I am going to make up for some lost time."

Shining Armor heard his name called not long after that, he walked up to the podium to accept what he had worked so hard for. Things may not have gone entirely how he imagined, but he smiled out at the crowd as he realized that sometimes the best things in life are those we least expect. It was a day he would remember and always reflect on every year, especially he himself became the captain.