Author's Note

Happy birthday.

Chapter One: Not Tomorrow

I remember when me and daddy used to live in the same house. The same town with the same people. Griffons. Zebras. Deer. Ponies. We were all in our own little world.

I wasn't the best daughter. Sometimes I was bad to daddy. Sometimes I made messes just because. Or asked him to cook me something and refused to eat it. I always found a way to take advantage of his good nature. Gaslighting. Guilt-tripping. Sometimes, I even brought back small animals and kept them as pets.

I remember that day clear as ever.

Daddy was lazing about on his velvet couch and I was in his lap, blabbing on about the newest graphic novel I'd discovered.

"Daddy, what's it mean when your 'drill pierces the heavens'?"

"That means you have a lot of willpower. Now, what's wrong sweetie. You spent all that time talking about Equine Lagoon but nothing about your birthday. That's not something fillies do."

I tilted my head in curiosity. What else would I have said. My hooves found daddy's chest and circled about that wall of fluffy white, unsure of what to say, what to do. I was just a child.

"Well, daddy I just want a knife."

His eyes went wide. He tried to hide it by forcing a cough and covering his muzzle. But I'd seen it happen millions of times before. My daddy stopped trying to hide it and held me against his chest, thick with smoke and old world blues. When I looked up, he met my eyes.

They were so tired. Milky, articulated with stars and alcohol clouds somewhere deep in the world. Beyond the sky, that's where my daddy's eyes led. They were cloudy blue. And sometimes, I saw them gloss over with thin layers of water, dim with cyan light.

"Daddy...?" I whispered, whining as I nuzzled his neck.

"It's okay, honey. It is. I'll get you a knife, I promise. I'll make sure it's the sharpest I can find."

Daddy glanced down at a piece of paper on our coffee table. It said something about buffout and an order for cryogenic preservatives. He started hacking and wheezing, perspirating out of his coat. I panicked and clung against him, wishing he'd stop. That was all I knew. He'd always kissed my cuts and scrapes away before bandaging them.

I thought it'd helped him when he turned his head and took an injection of med-x. Whenever he kissed my scrapes away, I felt the pain fade. When he took that needle, I thought he'd recover good as new. Daddy murmured to move off his lap, because he had to talk to Uncle Tesla.

Uncle Tesla Coil lived just next door. I glanced up with stars in my eyes and held his foreleg. Uncertain. And confused.

"Daddy, what's wrong...?"

"Daddy has to get some m-medicine, sweetie. I have to get some medicine so it's not so hard to move."

"Okay..." I whimpered, letting him go.

I was tired. I went to sleep without saying goodbye, or telling him how much he meant to me. That was one of the other thousand times I stayed ignorant. Daddy never told me how to appreciate what I had. He tried. But somedays, I think he had too much faith in me.

The next day, I woke up to the sound of tires slamming into the wall. That was daddy. That was him practicing his hindleg kicks. He was angry. Or frustrated. I really couldn't tell. I kicked myself up by the hindlegs and rolled out of bed. Combat roll. Because daddy always said 'a moving soldier was a good soldier.'

I stretched canine and stayed fixed in boredom. Daddy was probably gonna drill me on twitch reflex training and general acrobatics. Before I could do anything else, I went to pick my outfit for the day.

"Naked." I decided, leaving the wardrobe full of tutu dresses and striped sweaters.

I only needed that locket my daddy gave me. I reviewed the necklace as I looked at my reflection. Silver lace. Silver case. Red heart on one side, blue heart on the other. He told me to never take it off. So, naturally, I didn't. The one thing I did do, though, was wish I had a collar like him. I wanted something protective around my neck. It just felt wrong without it.

I glanced over at the filly staring back at me.

Her eyes were a luminous dim pink. The hue of her pupils warmed her snowy mane pigments. It matched the rest of her white coat, especially the rosy cheeks. I smiled looking back at her.

"It's me, Hope."

I couldn't wait for later today. I'd turn ten. And then, I could finally start going on trips with daddy. He'd take me to the big girl shooting range and the barracks he always worked at. Then Uncle Tesla and Auntie Bruise wouldn't need to babysit anymore. The stars in my eyes came to bloom and I smiled wide, seeing daddy come inside. I didn't know why, but I was so happy to see him.

I was so happy to see him.

"Daddy?" I asked, earning a quick 'yes sweetie?'

"I love you."

Something in my lips curled downward.

"Daddy...? What's wrong?"

He embraced me, jittering. His forelegs were tighter than usual. And for some reason, he was glowing with some strange cyan energy. I only knew that no matter what changed, he was still my daddy. I did my best to wrap my arms around his dense chest. He squeezed the air out of me.

"Daddy-!" I objected, until I heard him start to sob.

"I l-o-ove you too... I love you too, sweetheart. I do- I-I really do."

I never understood why daddy cried that night. I still don't. He cried till all his tears ran cold and froze against his cheeks. And when his tears froze up, they melted away seconds later. Before I could fall asleep on him, Uncle Tesla came at the door.

"Glass." He said.

"We need to talk. It's about the taint mutation. I know what the final stages do."

I stayed inside, playing with my knife-shaped present, admiring the big red ribbon.

When daddy came back, he brought my favorite: chocolate bars and cinnamon butterscotch pies. We ate in the living room listening to Silver Storm and Swordmare radioplays. The night was old in its age. And the more we enjoyed each other's company, the quicker time passed. I fell asleep in his lap that night, listening to my daddy's lullaby. Sweet serenity reached me on bass baritone melodies and false cadences.

When I closed my eyes, I fought to stay awake, to hear him sing.

We were so happy to be there, asleep in our own little world.