I AM an Adult!

by Summer Dancer

Rating: teen
Tags: Fluttershy, Random, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Starlight Glimmer, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1861

When Twilight stalks and harasses a little girl, she gets a more realistic reaction.

Twilight stalks and harasses a nine year old filly...but it's in the past, so it's totally legal.

Now with Reading by CaptainBron3y

Published 2015-12-21 00:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-21 00:20:02 UTC

I AM an Adult!

Young Rainbow Dash stared at the larger pony before her with a wide grin plastered on her face. Normally, the filly would have prided herself into meeting such a rare pony so easily, but this one...this one had a rare request. No, scratch that, an impossible request. “W-What did you say?” Rainbow asked, her voice cracking involuntarily.

“A Sonic Rainboom! Could you do one for me? Pretty please?” Her smile widened, and the strange little dragon hanging off her tail gave an unconvincing thumbs up.

“Heh...y’know, I’m kinda busy,” Rainbow coughed, flying backwards in the other direction. “I gotta go do that thing... at the place.” She flipped herself around and zoomed forward, only to hear the frantic flapping of the alicorn’s wings right behind her. What the hay? She’s actually following me! What if she’s.. Rainbow shook her head, banishing the thought. No way. Ponies like me don’t get foalnapped. Not me, not ever!

“It’ll only take a minute of your time,” the mare puffed, flying up to her side.

Rainbow swallowed hard and kept her eyes forward. “I can’t do that! Nopony can! The Sonic Rainboom is just a mare’s tale!”

“No, no it’s not!” the mare insisted. “I’ve seen you do it! In the future!” She leaned in close and gave her a knowing look before biting her lip.

Rainbow’s stomach churned. Oh my God...she’s not only a foalnapper...she’s a...a….

“No!” she cried, gaining power in her wings and zooming off. But the older pony was quick to act and grabbed hold of the filly’s tail. “No, lemme go!”

“Please listen,” the mare pleaded, her tone growing desperate. “I know this seems rather strange to you right now, but trust me--it’s really really important that you do the Sonic Rainboom for me!”

“Give me one good reason why I should trust you!” Rainbow yelled, attempting to yank her tail away. “You’re a stranger!”

The alicorn burst out into nervous laughter. “What! I-I’m not a stranger, I’m...I’m Twilight...Your mom’s sister’s cousin’s uncle’s grandma’s nephew’s marefriends’s accountant! There! Now we’re not strangers anymore--right?”

The young filly finally managed to pull her tail free and fixed Twilight with a suspicious glare. “What’s the secret code word?”

Twilight seemed to blanche. “Uhhh...Code word?”

“Yeah. See, if you were really my mom’s sister’s cousin’s uncle’s grandma’s nephew’s marefriend’s accountant, you’d know the family famous secret code word. What is it?”

Twilight threw a panicked look at her dragon friend, who looked equally nervous. “I...uh…”

“Yeah. Didn’t think so!” She spun around and flew right under Twilight, throwing the foalnapper off.

“Wait! Stop! Please!” Twilight cried, struggling to keep up with the speedy pegasus. Rainbow narrowed her eyes and flew in zig zags, causing Twilight to lose control and crash into a nearby cloud.

Hoops and Dumbell continued to laugh at Fluttershy, encouraged by the way she shrank lower into the ground.

“You must be a really lousy flyer if you had to be held back a whole year, Klutzershy” Hoops taunted.

“Ha ha, yeah,” Dumbell tittered. “That explains why you’re so tall, hee hee, hyuck!”

Hoops rolled his eyes before a sneer creased his lips. “You’re so tall, you could trip over a rock and hit your head on the moon!”

Fluttershy lowered her head and pawed at the ground. “Please. I...I don’t like--”

Suddenly, a multicolored blur crossed their vision before Rainbow Dash dropped in beside Fluttershy, having heard the entire conversation. “Oh yeah?” Rainbow panted. “Well, your mom’s so stupid, she gave birth on the 1-7 flyway because she heard that’s where accidents happen!”

“OOoo, burn!” Dumbbell jeered, earning himself a smack to the head.

“Idiot,” Hoops seethed. “Well, if it isn’t Rainbow Crash.”

Rainbow opened her mouth to retort when she caught glimpse of a purple dot in the distance. “Ah, shoot! Guys, where’s the panic whistle!?”

“How should we know?” Hoops glowered.

" ‘Cause there’s a pycho foalnapper after me!”

Fluttershy gasped, her eyes darting about in panic. “A foalnapper!?”

“Good!” Hoops said. “I hope they grind you up into rainbow colored toothpaste!”

“I’m serious!”

“Then why are you here talkin’ to us?” Dumbbell asked.

Rainbow shrugged. “I saw an opportunity to burn you and I took it. Couldn’t pass that up. Now c’mon, where’s Coach Nimbus?”

“Off on the cloud currents tryin’ to teach googly eyes how to steer,” Hoops smirked.

Rainbow buzzed her wings anxiously. “But that’s like on the other side of camp! Where the hay are the grown ups!?”

“Probably out smokin’ Funnel Clouds at camp entrance.”

“Rainbow Dash!”

The four youngsters looked up and saw Twilight speeding towards them. “S’that an alicorn?” Hoops whispered, squinting his eyes.

“AHH! SHE KNOWS MY NAME!” Rainbow lifted into the air. “Call the guards! The Police! The Fire Department! Anything, just hurry!” With that, she disappeared in a cloud of dust. A moment later, the female alicorn whizzed by, along with a baby dragon clinging to her tail.

“Run, Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy cried. “I-I mean fly! Fly, Rainbow!”

Hoops and Dumbbell regarded Rainbow and her assailant in shock. “She really is going to be ground up into toothpaste!” Dumbbell exclaimed in horror.

“Not if that dragon doesn’t burn her into a crisp first!” Hoops said.

Fluttershy’s eyes filled with worry. “We need to get help!” Just then, two pink hooves wrapped around the three little ponies.

A female unicorn peered down at them with a serpent like smile. “Hello, children,” she purred. “Have I ever told you about the benefits of Equality?”

“Leave me alone!” Rainbow screamed, dodging and weaving through a sea of clouds.

“Rainbow Dash please, I beg you!” She teleported in front of the filly and gripped her by the shoulders. “The fate of Equestria rests in your hooves!” Twilight’s head suddenly snapped back, and a painful sensation assaulted her muzzle “Erk!”

“STRANGER DANGER!” Rainbow screamed as she flew away once more.

“She just punched you in the nose!” Spike exclaimed.

Twilight held her bleeding nose in both hooves and glared at her assistant. “Danks, ‘pike.”

“Awww, wassa matter, Twilight?” a voice cooed from behind. “The little Princess never got a punch to the face before?”

Twilight turned to face Starlight, her eyes narrowed. “No!” She lowered her hooves from her nose and wiped some of the blood on her fore leg. “You can’t do this, Starlight! You literally caused an all out war in the previous timeline! Most ponies lost their lives to the Crystal Soldiers!”

Starlight gave her a strange look. “War?”

“War!”

“What is it good for?”

“Absolutely nothing!”

“Exactly,” Starlight smirked. “Equestria isn’t a violent place, never was, never will be. You sure like to put yourself on a pedestal, don’t you, Twilight?”

“She’s telling the truth!” Spike shouted. “If you stop Dash from doing the Rainboom again, you’d be putting us all in danger!!”

Starlight tossed her head and scoffed. “Please. Knowing that I can control and alter time and space itself, I’m invincible!”

“Hooves up, motherbuckers!”

Both mares gasped at the sight of a squad of police officers surrounding them. Two of them flew up to Twilight and Starlight and immediately slapped cuffs on them. “What’s this!?” Starlight demanded.

“You two are under arrest! We got a call about two creepy mares hanging around a bunch of kids.”

“Run, Spike!” Twilight cried, teleporting him to a distant location.

“Not so fast,” Twilight’s pegasus glowered, strapping an anti-magic ring around her horn.

His partner followed suit, making Starlight scream. “Wait! I’m a unicorn! I can’t--AHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Twilight and the police squad watched Starlight drop like a stone. The stallion blushed. “Sorry. I’ll get her.”

“Excuse me, sir!” Twilight called out. “We're a bit thirsty. Can we please get some water?”

A pony with a large badge grabbed a nearby pail and slashed it through the prison bars before leaving in a huff.

“...Thanks,” Twilight muttered before shaking herself dry. “I can’t believe this. I’ve never been arrested in my entire life! I know this is technically the past, but what if this somehow shows up on my record?”

“Oh, shove it,” Starlight spat from her corner of the room. “What about me? I’m wasting precious revenge time rotting in this miserable cell It’s been hours!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Oh, don’t worry. Being trapped here with you is plenty revenge.”

Just then, screams and shouts bounced off the walls in Cloudsdale Jail. Starlight got up from her corner and stood next to Twilight. “What now?” They heard multiple hoofsteps accompanied by a whoosh, followed by impact.

Twilight’s eyes widened in realization; she knew that whooshing sound anywhere. “Spike!” Sure enough, her number one assistant burst into the room and ran up to the bars with a determined look in his eyes.

“I knew I’d find you here!”

“Spike, this is the only jail Cloudsdale has.”

Starlight’s brow furrowed. “You bailed us out?”

"Spike hesitated before shrugging. “Not exactly. Stand back!” The drake drew in a deep breath before releasing his emerald flame, melting the bars completely.

Twilight leapt out and hugged him tightly. “You’re a hero, Spike!”

The baby dragon smirked wryly. “Ah, you know. I do what I can.”

“Not quite,” Starlight cackled, stepping over what was left of the melted bars. “The Rainboom didn’t happen, remember? You still couldn’t stop me! MWAHAHAHAAAA!”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “Actually, the Rainboom did happen.”

“--HAHAHAHAHA--! Wait, what?”

“Turns out when Rainbow flew away from you to get the police, she went fast enough to create a Sonic Rainboom. We were so wrapped up in our confrontation, we didn’t even notice. Weird, right?”

Suddenly, the time traveling portal opened above their heads and lifted Twilight, Spike and Starlight into the air, signifying the end of their time journey.

Starlight desperately flailed about before being sucked in. “NOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Starlight Glimmer. For illegal possession of cutie marks, foalnapping and imprisoning the Bearers of Harmony, fleeing from arrest, stealing Starswirl’s spell, tampering with time, and creating dismal alternate dimensions for Equestria--I hearby sentence you... to be our new best friend!”

Starlight blinked twice. “That’s it?” She glanced around at the four other ponies and dragon in the room, a grin forming on her face. “Well, that’s not so bad!”

Twilight shook her head. “No, you don’t understand.”

Pinkie Pie appeared behind Starlight and whispered into her ear. “You’re gonna be our special friend….Forever.”

Starlight's pupils shrank into pinpricks as Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack and Spike closed in on her with wide grins. “Forever...Forever...FOREVER!"

“NOOOOOOOO!!!”

“Whatever happened to Rainbow Dash?” Twilight wondered.

Somewhere outside Twilight’s castle, a rainbow maned pegasus could be seen on the grass, rocking herself back and forth. “It’s her...it’s her...I was in...her house...it’s her…”

Author's Note

....I'm bored, guys. Don't judge me! :fluttercry: First trollfic I guess? I'm actually kind of happy for Starlight, even though I thought her redemption was a bit quick. Just poking a bit of fun :derpytongue2: I wanted to write more of Rainbow Dash and Twilight...this isn't what I had mind :rainbowlaugh: But close enough! :pinkiecrazy: Anything that needs to me improved? Please let me know. Thanks for reading...I should start writing something normal from now on. :rainbowderp: