The Chapter Where Everything Goes Wrong
Breakfast was the most important meal of the day, especially if you worked hard on the farm like the Apple Family did. Sometimes you had to work so hard and long into the day that you had to skip lunch altogether. That’s why it was important to have a big breakfast for the right fuel in your body to do all the hard work needed in bucking apples. There was also the bonus of having the family together to talk and interact with each other. While they saw each other almost all the time, there was a difference between “Work Talk” and “Normal Talk”.
Applejack greeted her older brother. Her red tank top shirt and dark blue jean shorts were as plain and practical as any farm pony's could be, while her famous hat decorated her hat along with her steel toe covered cowpony boots. Her older brother, Big Macintosh, gave a greeting nod as he was finishing his own breakfast of apple flavor pancakes. His dark blue jeans, white t-shirt, and light brown jacket also were plain, albeit decorated with his cutie mark on the back. While she went for some apple pancakes her big brother made earlier, she turned to the stallion and asked, “Seen Apple Bloom anywhe-”
BOOM!
A loud explosion shook the house as Applejack and Macintosh were nearly swept off their hooves while valuable china and antiques passed down from generation to generation fell from their standings and broke. Winona opened one eye, then closed it as she went back to sleep in her corner. Other than a faint "Oh dear!" the cows went along mooing and gossiping as they usually did. Granny Smith awoke with a start, screaming "Head for the bunker, the Griffons are bombing!"
Even though the war had been over 60 years ago.
Sighing, Applejack looked out the window and saw a small shed house that had smoke coming out of its windows. Again.
“Whose turn is it this time to check?” asked Applejack. Her brother pointed at her. “Dagnabit. I hope she doesn't burn off my eyebrows like last time.”
Muttering a quick prayer to Celestia, Luna, Cadance and her own best friend Twilight, she made her way to the front door. After deftly stepping over Winona's tail, Applejack made her way out the door and towards the smoking shed. Upon getting closer, she began to hear the sounds of a fight going on inside as the structure began to shake a bit.
Stopping before the front door, Applejack got ready to raise her hand to knock when she heard a familiar crackling sound. Knowing that her sister was using her crazy fire magic again, Applejack ducked down as low as she could go before a stream of fire emitted from both the windows and chimney of the room, shattering the glass and shooting soot straight into the air. An unholy shriek was heard that sounded like a monstrosity designed by Michael Hay.
After making sure no more fire was going to burn her mane down, Applejack got up and knocked on the door. A few seconds later, her little sister, covered in soot, opened the door and smiled at her. “Hey, Sis? What’s up?! Can it wait?! Ah’m kinda tryin’ to stop an interdimensional abomination from gettin’ loose by accident and devourin’ everypony’s soul!”
Applejack had to wonder where she went wrong in raising Apple Bloom. She had thought the fire magic, the light green magical girl uniform her sister made out of old kitchen wear, and the adventures to be a hero of cuteness and awesomeness would be a phase. But here she was, an earth pony practicing magic of all things while dressed in an outfit more revealing than a red lantern district pony. Ma’s gonna kill me in heaven for havin’ her end up like this...
“Apple Bloom, Ah know it’s impossible to stop ya from usin’ magic, but how many times have we told ya to stop with the summon circles?” asked Applejack while doing her best to ignore the green spike tentacle that was crawling around her little sister’s waist.
Apple Bloom managed to fight it off with a small fire blast without looking and scratch the back of her head. “Um, well this wasn’t so much a circle as it was a triangle. So that doesn’t count!”
Resisting the urge to slap her forehead -or her sister- Applejack said, “Look, Ah don’t care it’s circles, triangles, squares, or whatever. No more summonin’! Remember the last one ya summoned?! That slime thing managed to turn half our crops into mush and we had to eat pears for four months!”
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “Fine, Ah’ll stop summonin’. Just let me beat up this monster, okay?”
“Fine, but also remember it’s yer turn to watch the stand in town today,” reminded Applejack, crossing her arms.
Saluting, Apple Bloom closed the door. “Alright ya big green and ugly! Yer not destoryin’ mah town when Ah got somethin’ to say about it! Eat flamin’ death!”
Applejack turned around and began walking back to the house, deftly leaning her head four inches to the left as a bolt of fire barely missed her right ear. She sighed as the deadly battle continued.
***
“Borin’...” muttered Apple Bloom as she saw ponies walk past her family’s apple stand without a care. When she was younger, she used to love doing market duty, but now that she had discovered her true passion of being a magical girl, it just seemed a waste of her time. Ah could be castin’ magic! Fightin’ hydras’! Tryin’ to avoid all them lawyers from those wantin’ to sue me for property damage. Instead, Ah gotta watch the stand. Lame.
It wasn’t that she didn’t like helping her family out, it’s just that she didn’t want to waste time from her own goals in life. She was almost an adult anyway, so why did she always have to do what she was told? Sure, she often caused a lot of trouble when she didn’t... and a few fires... and some ponies got hurt.
But it was with good intentions! That had to count for something, right?
“Hey, Apple Bloom,” said a familiar voice that woke the earth pony from her daydreaming. She looked up to see her friend Scootaloo. She must have been working hard in the fields today considering she was sweating all over to the point where her t-shirt and overalls were soaking wet. Not to mention a few heads were turning upon seeing her like this, a few with their tongues wide open.
“Hey Scoots, takin’ a break?” asked Apple Bloom, slapping hands with her friend.
“Yeah, came to get a drink or two before heading back out to plan the new seeds I got from Trottingham,” said Scootaloo as she put two bits down and took an apple off the counter. Biting into it, she sighed after chewing and stared into the apple with intensity. “I’ve been farming for years now and I still don’t know how you Apples make the perfect apples.”
“Family secret,” replied Apple Bloom. “Applejack says she can’t understand how a pegasus like you can be such a great farmer either.”
Grinning, Scootaloo replied, “What can I say? I’m stubborn until I get it right.” She finished her apple and tossed the core over her shoulder. “So, how’s business?”
“Terrible,” moped Apple Bloom, sinking her head into her shoulders as she laid on the counter. “Ah really wish Ah was doin’ something else. Or at least had an idea to sell all these so Ah can go home.”
“I’m surprised you’re not using fire to solve your problems... like you do with everything else,” muttered Scootaloo.
“Ah tried that last time, but all that ended up doin’ was bannin’ me from town for a week,” growled Apple Bloom. “Ah tried puttin’ out the fires!”
“... yeah by shooting more fire at them!”
“Ah thought they would cancel each other out, okay!” growled Apple Bloom.
Before the two could argue more, they heard someone shouting something and turned to see Mayor Mare handing out flyers to any pony that passed her as she walked down the street. Most ponies just took one and threw it away after she left them alone, while others were just ignoring her completely.
“What’s up with the Mayor?” asked Apple Bloom. “Ah’ve never seen her that happy or serious at the same time. Except when it comes to money of course.”
“Oh yeah, isn’t it election time soon?” asked Scootaloo, rubbing the back of her head. “I remember 'cause I registered to vote this year.”
Mayor Mare spotted the two and rushed over with a big smile on her face. “Hello, girls! Not causing any trouble today I hope?”
“None, Mayor Mare,” said Scootaloo.
“Haven’t set any fire’s yet, Ma’am!” proclaimed Apple Bloom with a smile.
“W-well, yes,” Mayor Mare said while eyeing the earth pony magical girl wannabe with unease. “I was hopin’ to convince you two to vote for me in the upcoming election this year!”
“Of course, yer the best Mayor Ah ever had... come to think of it yer the only Mayor Ah’ve ever had,” pointed out Apple Bloom.
“Yes, well unless I get more ponies to vote for me in this upcoming election,” Mayor Mare sighed, “I might not be the Mayor anymore. I fear nopony is really focusing on my campaign or my efforts to continue making Ponyville a great place.”
“But why?! Yer a great Mayor!” said Apple Bloom with shock. “What about the time ya helped out with the Great Fire of Ponyville!”
“... that you started,” muttered Scootaloo, under her breath.
“Or the time ya organized the defences against that army of bugbears!”
“That you angered because you wanted to challenge their pack leader to a duel to the death...”
“Or that time our evil negative zone copies from a parallel universe tried to take over the town!”
“And how did they find their way here? Oh yes! You were playing around with summon circles!”
Apple Bloom glared at her best friend. “Not every problem in Ponyville is caused by me, Scootaloo. Need I remind you of the Beanstalk Incident?!”
“It was one time! And how was I supposed to know they were magic beans!” growled Scootaloo as the two got in each other’s face. Fire was emitted from Apple Bloom’s hair as she grit her teeth.
Mayor Mare got between the two and separated them. “Girls, please. Let’s focus on my problem and not past problems.”
“Hmph!” said the best friends who turned away from each other with their noses up.
“Anyway, I just need ponies to realize that I’m running again so I can have a chance at winning this election. Last time, I barely made it by with one point ahead. So I’m worried about this year,” said Mayor Mare.
“Who the hoof do you think we are!?” said Apple Bloom as she posed into the air with her index finger pointing high above the sky. “The Cutie Mark Crusaders will help you win the election!”
“Wait, we will?! Why?!” asked Scootaloo in disbelief.
“Because it’s the right thing to do! And as a defender of justice and peace, Ah always have to do the right thing!” proclaimed Apple Bloom, puffing out her chest.
“... you just want to get out of market duty, don’t you,” said Scootaloo, deadpan.
“Do it or Ah’ll tell Rainbow Dash yah still got that shrine of her in yer secret passageway,” replied Apple Bloom.
“Well, let’s go get Sweetie Belle!” said Scootaloo, faking enthusiasm while planning to kill Apple Bloom and hide the body later.
***
Carousel Boutique was one of Ponyville’s top landmarks for not only its famous dresses, but also being home to Rarity, the Element of Generosity. Of course nowadays when most ponies walked by they were also curious to the large amount of makeshift metal statues and chrome-colored flora decorating the area. Rarity tried her best to get her sister to stop throwing her useless parts around, but in the end gave up and decided to just ignore it.
“Is it just me or does this pile of junk get bigger each time?” asked Scootaloo, walking past a large metal contraption suspiciously shaped like a giant sunflower. A combination of a dryer and washer... and a military tank with missiles, guns, and flamethrowers forming the petals (Apple Bloom had insisted on that part). Sometimes Scootaloo wondered if she was the only sane pony out of the three of them.
Ringing the doorbell, the two waited until a robotic voice cried out. “Please ID yourselves.”
“It’s Apple Bloom, defender of Ponyville and Justice! Oh, and Scootaloo too.”
“ID confirmed. Welcome back, Threat ID AB001 and Scootaloo.”
"Hey, I only blew up all of Sweetie Belle's robots that one time!" exclaimed Apple Bloom.
The door opened on its own and the two walked in just as Sweetie Belle, dressed in her usual green dress and high heeled shoes, walked in with a smile. “Hey, girls! Come on in! I got tea waiting!”
“Thanks,” said the two as they made their way to the kitchen.
“Where’s Rarity?” asked Apple Bloom, looking around for the older unicorn.
“Oh, she’s in Canterlot visiting a client,” said Sweetie Belle, pouring the tea and asking for how many lumps of sugar. “I got the house to myself. As long as I promised not to blow it up a sixth time, she said I would be fine.”
“I’m surprised she let you stay home alone after that last incident with the uranium,” said Scootaloo, taking a cup.
Sweetie Belle gave a giggle before she tried to sit down, missing her seat. “Woah!” she cried out as she tried to grab something to help her land, but ended up taking the tablecloth with her. This ended up pulling down the entire tea set with it, and landing the hot tea all over her. Instead of yiping in pain, she instead started to have seizures as lighting began to come out of her before her head finally exploded.
Scootaloo and Apple Bloom ducked as gears and screws shot out of the robotic head and smashed the china around the kitchen. When it was over, they looked down to see the dead body of the robot still on fire.
"No!" Apple Bloom cried, kneeling over the body. "Why did this have to happen? She was so young!"
A loud series of steps came up from the basement before a door near the kitchen slammed open and the real Sweetie Belle looked around in confusion. When she saw the dead robot of her she gasped and rushed over. “Sweetie Bot 07! What did you girls do!”
“Us? She did it herself! And why did you bring one of your robot clones to greet us, instead of yourself?” asked Scootaloo, crossing arms.
“I was working on a way to turn mucus into fuel energy for zeppelins,” said Sweetie Belle with a smile. She then turned back to her robot and sighed. “Well, at least it wasn’t Sweetie Bot 04. I need her to test out the new triple barrel shotgun I made.”
“You need help,” said Scootaloo shaking her head.
Sweetie Belle picked up and examined one of the flaming clone's shattered eye pieces. “With 07 gone, I'll need all the help I can make.”
"07 was my favorite, though," whimpered Apple Bloom, wiping tears from her eyes and standing up. “Anyway, Sweetie Belle!” said Apple Bloom, getting her attention. “We’ve come over because we Crusaders need to help our Mayor Mare with a problem! She’s worried about gettin’ reelected again and we’re gonna help ponies vote for her! Ya in?!”
“Sure, sounds like fun!” said Sweetie Belle, jumping up and ready for action.
“What are you going to do about the mess?” asked Scootaloo pointing to the still burning robot and half destroyed kitchen.
“Eh, I’m sure I can clean it up later. Now let’s move!”
***
Naturally, the girls decided to go with the old fashioned way of promoting somebody by setting up a booth and having fliers out for those to read how awesome and great Mayor Mare was. Scootaloo had to convince her friends not to use flaming magic for attention or create speakers loud enough to be heard by Canterlot.
Although, a part of her was wondering if they should have, considering nopony was paying attention to them. “Come learn why Mayor Mare should be our leader! Vote for Mayor Mare! Mayor Mare for Mayor!” shouted Apple Bloom waving hastily printed fliers around. Naturally, ponies just ignored her and went on their merry way. “Dagnabit! Why are ponies not interested in our politics! This the fate of our entire government here!”
“Apple Bloom, it’s just for Ponyville, not all of Equestria,” chastised a bored Scootaloo.
“Maybe we’re not approaching this right?” asked Sweetie Belle, rubbing her chin.
“Maybe we need to fire things up!” shouted Apple Bloom as she jumped over the stand they made and landed in front of a traveling married couple with a young son. “Hey, y’all three!”
“U-us?” asked the stallion, pointing to his family.
Apple Bloom opened her fists as fire began to spread across her body which shocked the family as they stepped back. “Don’t y’all know that yer entire future depends on the biggest choice you'll have to make?! Don’t you feel the burnin’ sense of doom coming down upon us all as election day draws near?!” As she said this, fire began to spread around them, creating a circle of flames which made the three hug each other in terror. “Yer fate! Yer child’s future! All of it depends on one single decision!
Upon hearing him being pointed out, the little colt hid in his mother’s embrace. Apple Bloom, now a towering inferno, roared into the sky as a giant fire dragon appeared from her breath and circled above and belching flames of death. The dragon then lowered its head and screamed, “WILL YOU VOTE FOR MAYOR MARE!”
“Yes! Yes! We will! Just please don’t kill us!” begged the stallion.
The flames disappeared in an instant and Apple Bloom cheerfully waved. “Thank you for votin’. Have a nice day!”
The family of three couldn’t have ran faster. Pleased with her success, she turned to her friends who had their eyebrows raised. Scootaloo's purple eyes and Sweetie Belle's white eyelids stared straight into Apple Bloom. After an awkward silence, she sighed and lowered her head. “Too much?”
“Way too much,” both Crusaders said.
“Well, do either of you have better plans?” asked Apple Bloom.
“Yeah, I got one,” said Scootaloo.
***
“See the problem was trying to spread our message on the streets. Ponies are busy. They often don't have time to stop to chat or look at random street stalls on their way to their destination,” said Scootaloo as she lead the others, holding fliers. They made their way to the front of a house and Scootaloo pressed the doorbell. “Trust me, doing it door to door will make things better.”
The door opened and sure enough the resident mailpony Derpy Hooves opened the door and smiled with her usual crossed eyes. “Hello, girls! What can I help you with?”
“Hi, Derpy,” greeted Scootaloo with a small wave. “It’s election year and we’re here to tell you that Ponyville’s best chance of future success lies in the continuing reign of Mayor Mare!”
Derpy looked at Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. “Mayor Mare? Didn’t she use our tax bits to fund for that new swimming pool in her backyard?” asked Derpy, scratching her head. “And denied the building of that new orphanage for that bank that was accused of embezzlement but never convicted? Not to mention the fact she decided to take half of the education budget and dedicate it to building that gold statue of herself in our park. Twice.”
The three Crusader’s eyes widened as they looked at each other. “Um...”
Derpy transfixed her eyes on Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. “Plus it does seem weird to have a mayor when we have a princess that lives around here. And why are there mayors in Equestria anyway? We have a working monarchical system with nobles to run the regional governments, shouldn’t she be some governor or lady of a castle herself? If we do live in voting system, why do we still have a monarchy? Shouldn’t we be allowed to vote for our supreme rulers if we can vote for our minor ones?”
“W-well,” Scootaloo was finding it hard to answer this. “You see...”
Derpy's eyes switched to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. "And why is it that our local government has such a problem handling the crime in the area? You'd think that Pistol Whip could handle it without the police brutality, but assaults increased by more than 500% after Mayor Mare named her the chief sheriff. Not to mention the fact that the budget for law enforcement increased five-fold shortly thereafter, along with the size of Pistol Whip's house.
"U-uhm," Sweetie Belle attempted to make a remark regarding the incidents. She failed.
Derpy stared deeply into Apple Bloom and her doorframe. "And shouldn't we get to vote on policy proposals? Even the changelings get to vote on their public policies. Of course, it's hardly surprising they all voted for their own mother to be queen and the elections are largely just a show of power for Queen Chrysalis, but they get to choose who they will or won't raid next. Why wouldn't we have the same right to pick our municipal decisions as a bunch of mindless followers? Are we considered too inferior to be allowed the same privileges as jingonistic barbarians?"
“Ah think-" started Apple Bloom.
Derpy looked briefly into Derpy's eyes. "And what was the result of that interregnum election? Mayor Mare was supposed to report on the results of that when she had to temporarily transfer her authority when she went on that trip to Canterlot after someone in the media discovered her secret mudslinging speech to discredit her competition. She also called for an interim vote to instigate a recession of speech during that town hall meeting when somepony mentioned the previous year's gerrymandering incident."
"I-I think that we've bothered you enough. We should probably get going. Thanks for your time, Derpy," said a defeated Scootaloo."
“Oh, okay! Bye!” said Derpy as she waved at them. She then paused and scratched her head. “What were they asking me again? Eh, I’m sure it wasn’t important.”
***
With Scootaloo’s plan having failed, the next one who volunteered to try out next would be Sweetie Belle. Naturally, she was going to invent something, leading the two to wait outside of her basement while the sounds of her metalwork were underway. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom decided to both play chess while waiting on a table nearby.
“Checkmate,” said Apple Bloom, brightly.
“Ugh! Again?! That’s like sixteen victories in a row! How the hay did you a manage to beat me that many times?!” asked Scootaloo.
“Chess is a strategist game,” said Apple Bloom, crossing her arms with a smirk. “The sign of a true chess player is the sign of a true genius.”
“Then how come you got C’s and D’s at school?” asked Scootaloo, raising her eyebrow.
“Uhhhh.”
The door slammed open before Apple Bloom could respond. She turned towards the basement door, where Sweetie Belle was happily grinning. She pointed to her friends. “Are you ready to witness my greatest creation ever?!”
“Like the last hundred so called ‘greatest creations’?” said Scootaloo, rolling her eyes.
Sweetie Belle ignored her and presented some kind of ray gun decorated in pink flowers and rose petals. “Behold my fellow crusaders, The Influencer!”
“What does it do?” asked Apple Bloom, raising her eyebrow.
“This little baby can make anypony obey a single order of whoever shoots them with this gun,’ said Sweetie Belle, twirling it around her finger.
“What? That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!” said Scootaloo, snorting. “No way that thing works.”
“Oh yeah?!” said Sweetie Belle with a smirk. She aimed the gun and fired, a large yellow beam hit a shocked Scootaloo right in the face. The pegasus’ eyes spun around in their sockets a bit before stopping at a dead gaze.
"Please issue a command, teehee!" said Scootaloo in a hollow Sweetie Belle's voice.
“See, now she can do anything I want,” said Sweetie Belle to an impressed Apple Bloom.
"Yes, master," said Sweetie Belle's hollow voice.
"That's cool and kinda creepy," stated Apple Bloom. "Why is she talking in your voice?"
"It's the power of nanites!" proclaimed Sweetie Belle. "Scootaloo, go get me a soda."
“Yes, Master,” emanated Sweetie Belle's voice from the brainwashed Scootaloo as she proceeded to the kitchen. Taking out a can of baking soda, she opened it and walked back to Sweetie Belle before handing it over. “Here is your soda, Master”. A flash of yellow light appeared in her eyes and Scootaloo looked around in confusion. “What the hay happened?”
Putting down the baking good, Sweetie Belle turned to Apple Bloom and said, “And the one hit with the beam doesn’t remember a single thing.”
“No, seriously,” said Scootaloo, rubbing her head. “What happened?”
“Cool! Now we can really use this to influence ponies to vote for Mayor Mare!” said Apple Bloom as she took the Influencer. “Are there any side effects?”
“Oh course not!” said Sweetie Belle as she took out her notes. “I made sure everything was by the right calculation so that nothing bad could- eep!”
Scootaloo's eyes appeared to be hazy as she began to run her hands under Sweetie Belle's dress. "I feel strange. Strangely good."
Sweetie Belle's voice wavered. "S-see? No bad side effects. N-nothing, oh right there-"
"Yes, Master"
"-could possibly go wrong."
"Ah dunno. As good as this side effect is, can we make ponies vote for Mayor Mare with this?" asked an incredulous Apple Bloom.
"O-of course we c-can!" stuttered Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo started rubbing baking soda on her.
A bright flash of yellow light hit Sweetie Belle in the face. "Tell the truth, Sweetie Belle." Apple Bloom crossed her arms, looking annoyed.
"Yes, Master. No, Master. The I-45b initiation ray 'The Influencer' was not designed to have ponies do anything except each other, with a significant side effect being that they obey a particular command related to engaging in the intended effect." Sweetie Belle's trance was undeterred as Scootaloo began running her mouth across her neck.
Sweetie Belle blinked as she awoke from her nanite-induced hypnosis. "Oh, Scootaloo," began Sweetie Belle as she became noticeably less rigid and returned Scootaloo's embrace. "Want to join in?
Apple Bloom sighed and facepalmed, shaking her head. "Yes, yes I do."
***
After a few cleaning and restoration spells that Apple Bloom had to cast, she decided to guide her friends to a location that was sure to give them the votes they needed. The cemetery.
“Um, Apple Bloom? Has casting fire spells melted your brain?” asked Scootaloo, looking around the headstones of those long gone. “Dead ponies can’t vote nor can we convince them to vote since, you know, dead.”
“Who says we’re gonna be usin’ dead ponies?” said Apple Bloom as she looked through a big black tome that she happened to have “borrowed” from Princess Twilight’s Dark Magic section in her private library. “What we’re gonna be doing is bringin’ them back to life and under our control so that we can have them vote for Mayor Mare in the election.”
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle just stared at her for a long time with only the sound of nearby crows cawing that broke the silence. Scootaloo raised her arms in the air and started walking away. “Nope. I’m done. Not doing this.”
“Aw, but come on! Ah can do this!” shouted Apple Bloom, stomping her hoof.
“I don’t care that you could magically make a million bits appear! There is no wait, no how, that I am going to be involved in raising the dead! Especially when I’m pretty sure that’s illegal,” pointed out Scootaloo.
“Can’t be any worse than the time Sweetie Belle had us go to the morgue to get dead body parts to try and recreate life by stitching them together and shocking it with lightning,” recalled Apple Bloom.
“And it would have worked too if Scootaloo didn’t get me the brain of that pesky dog,” muttered Sweetie Belle, sighing. “I miss Frankenweiner, though. He was always so fun to play with. Chasing his tail, ripping it off, putting it on again.”
“Whatever happened to him anyway?” asked Apple Bloom, scratching her head.
“Let’s just say giving a mangled corpse powered by lightning a bath doesn’t work,” grumbled Sweetie Belle.
Scootaloo raised her finger but then lowered, figuring it was best not to ask. “Look, my point still stands. I’m going to go home and focus on growing my cabbaaaaaaaaaaaAAHHHH!” shouted Scootaloo as a simple wind spell started raising her slowly up to three feet in the air.
Sweetie Belle watched with amazement as Apple Bloom continued to keep her spell up with a smirk and ease. “Wow, you really are getting better with your magic. She’s not torn to pieces like that dummy you practiced on last time.”
“Thanks,” said Apple Bloom with a cheerful smile.
“Put me down! I’m going to puke! I’ll help! I’ll help!” cried out Scootaloo, waving her limbs around like a puppet without strings. With a wave of her hand, Scootaloo came down with a loud thud upon her bottom. She shivered at the thought of how high she went and cursed her fear of heights. Never should have told her that.
“So what do we have to do? Does it require chanting, black candles, pentagrams, blood rituals, and a living sacrifice?” asked Sweetie Belle, clapping her hands in excitement.
“According to the book all we gotta do is just say ‘sim sim salabim’ and the rest will do by itself,” said Apple Bloom, closing the book. “If all three of us say it, the spell will be more powerful! Come on!”
A smiling Sweetie Belle and growling Scootaloo stood next to the magical girl pony as they all waved their hands in the air. “Sim sim salabim! Sim sim salabim! Sim sim salabim!”
And then... nothing happened.
The crusaders all blinked and looked around, waiting for the undead to rise from their graves, but they still slept peacefully in their coffins. Apple Bloom tried the spell a few more times on her own before tossing the book away in frustration. “Darn it! Stupid dark magic book! Bet it’s just some stupid fake Twilight got at a bad yard sale.” Defeated, she sighed and began to make her way out of the cemetery. “Let’s just get a drink at Sugarcube Corner. Ah’m done.”
“Sorry, we didn’t summon flesh eating zombies, Apple Bloom,” said a disappointed Sweetie Belle.
“It’s okay... although I would have liked it too if they decided to attack us and I had to burn them all to escape.”
***Meanwhile in the town’s pet cemetery***
Fluttershy, wearing a black mourning gown and veil, lowered her bouquet of lilies on a fresh grave that had been dug for one of her animal friends, Rogger the Rodent. Every month she came to the cemetery to plant flowers for all her animals friends (which was three-fourths the entire place) to show them that she still cared despite no longer being with her.
She was about to turn around when she heard something digging behind her. Fluttershy looked back and gasped upon seeing a rotten skeleton hand of a rat reach out of the grave and slowly reveal its undead self with saliva dripping down it’s lips. Fluttershy backed away in fear before she heard more digging and watch in horror as all the graves began to open up.
Foxes, dogs, cats, birds, snakes, badgers, bears, wolves, bunnies, even that one manticore she had to put down because it got rabies, all rose from their graves and howled for fresh meat. Fluttershy naturally did the only thing she could do.
"Oh, you all must be famished after having not eaten for so long. I can make some delicious salads for you all to enjoy. Oh? You want a hug? Don't worry, mama's got enough hugs for everyone."
***
“Here you go girls! Three chocolates shakes with whipped cream and an oreo on top!” said Pinkie Pie cheerfully as she placed the three drinks on a table.
“Thanks,” said the girls in unison as they slowly took them and drank slowly.
Seeing the upside down smiles on their faces, she put her elbows on the table and rested her head on her hands before leaning forward. “So what’s wrong? New machine blown up? Plants infested by locusts? Or did Apple Bloom burn down another barn and is ground again?”
“None of the above,” said Apple Bloom, blushing in embarrassment. “We’ve been tryin’ to get ponies to vote for Mayor Mare, but nothin’ seems to be working.”
Pinkie Pie snorted and then giggled before erupting in full blown laughter. This made the girls look at her with confusion since Pinkie Pie normally didn’t laugh at other ponies' misery. Calming herself down, Pinkie Pie wiped a few tears from her eyes before she said, “Oh, you girls don’t know? Nopony in Ponyville votes on Election Day!”
“What?!” said the three in disbelief.
“Yup! Mayor Mare always runs unopposed so she always wins! Nopony’s tried to run against her since like forever! In fact, she's the only one that actually votes in the elections!” said Pinkie Pie, laughing a bit more before she walked away, shaking her head.
“So... we all did that... for nothing?” asked Scootaloo, leaning back in disbelief.
“So why would Mayor Mare ask us to get her more voters?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Ah guess runnin’ unopposed for so long has made her feel like there is no challenge to the race,” suggested Apple Bloom, shrugging her shoulders.
“Well, I guess that’s that then,” said Scootaloo, getting ready to leave, but was stopped by Apple Bloom grabbing her arm.
“Not so fast! We promised Mayor Mare we’d get her voters and we Crusaders never go back on our word!” said Apple Bloom, still full of determination.
“And how do you expect us to do that?” asked Scootaloo.
Apple Bloom only smirked.
***
“Hey everypony!”
Everypony in town square all turned around to a small stage where Apple Bloom was standing with a big smile. “Ah have an announcement to make!” She then nodded to both her friends who lifted up a giant banner.
At once did the entire town gasp and felt fear in their hearts as they saw four words that made them nearly manure themselves: “Apple Boom For Mayor”.
“Ah’m runnin’ for mayor of Ponyville!” shouted Apple Bloom, cheerfully. “And mah first act will be...” She light up her fists full of fire. “Every day shall be fire magic day!”
Voter turnout was 100% that year, with Mayor Mare winning with 109% of the vote. There were widespread accusations of voter fraud, but nopony disputed the results.
Author's Note
In case none of you remember this, Apple Bloomers was a April Fools Prank designed by fans and posted on Discovery Family that fooled a lot of people into thinking Hasbro was going to make a Magical Girls AU series with Apple Bloom as a hero saving the day against evil. Due to its popularity, a group has been making more Apple Bloomers stuff from comics to animation, music and now fanfiction.
They commissioned me to do this and so here it is. If you want to check out more Apple Bloomers check out stuff on Derpibooru: https://derpibooru.org/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&sbq=apple+bloomers or any of the videos they posted on Youtube.
