As Starlight Glimmer awoke from her socialist dreams, she stared at the wall. The wall was so simple, much like the other 3 walls in the room. The room she was in had two beds, both of them running parallel to the other. Starlight liked this, as they looked much like an equal sign. Equality was good.
She trotted downstairs and entered the kitchen. In it, was 2 cabinets, 2 stovetops, 2 ovens, 2 sinks, 2 toasters, and 2 refrigerators. She took 2 slices of bread from 2 separate bags (so that they remain equal) and inserted one into each toaster. Once the bread was complete, she took 2 containers of margarine, and spread the plastic, buttery substance over the slices.
Once finished with her well balanced, equal breakfast, she sat on her couch and listened to some Soviet Equestrian propaganda music of her own creation. She loved how the choir was 20 strong, half male, half female. No high pitch tones, no off key lyrics. Just the way she liked it. Equal.
An envelope came through the top mail slot of her door. She trotted over to read it. after opening, she noticed it was from Fluttershy.
"Great... THAT backstabbing traitor... I could have ruled Equestria through true communism and dictatorship! Instead, she and
her "friends" had to ruin my dreams of riding around Equestria in a diamond chariot, and having 2 different butlers wipe my ass after each shit! Ooh! I wander what she could POSSIBLY want? A chance at redemption? Another spam? An invite to a tea par-Oh... Ok. At the bottom of the letter, was Fluttersy's signature, and a note from Celestia.
"My faithful subject,
By the holy powers invested in me, I hereby order you to go to this tea party. Failure to do so, will result in the severest penalty within my powers: Being forced to listen to Anti-communist speeches, Justin Bieber, and Rebecca Black. It is highly advised you go to this party, otherwise, Fluttershy will cry. Nopony wants that to happen again. Remember last time?
-Your supreme deity, ~~Sunbutt~~ Celestia"
Starlight Glimmer walked through her grey door, and out of her grey house. She loved the color grey. It was Dull, and depressing. Much like her sex life. As she was walking down the road toward the Market, she stubbed her hoof on a particularly big chunk of rock. As she reeled back in pain, she stared at the rock in anger.
"You... YOU! What makes you think that you can just stub any random pony's hoof for no reason at all? What if it wasn't me? what if it was a cart full of orphans on a field trip?! They would all flip over and DIE. You would be responsible for the deaths of multiple little future socialists! You are the representation of all that is evil in this world.... You make me SICK!!!!"
When Starlight was finished with her rant, she shot of white magic at the poor stone. When she was done blowing her magical load, all that could be seen of the stone was a smoking crater. Starlight was satisfied.
When Starlight entered the market, she walked towards the stand labeled "Exotic tea leaves, Fancy fruits, and Cholesterol filled burgers". She purchased a 2 lemons, 4 black tea leaves, and a burger. She ate the burger immediately after purchase. She began to walk towards the cottage, when she spotted a pro-constitutional monarchy rally. This enraged her. She went back to the stand and bought a large amount of burgers. She proceeded to launch the multitude of burgers using a makeshift 24 pounder cannon. After the crowd dispersed, Starlight proceeded to shit all over the stage. She ran off towards Fluttershy's house, and was not seen until later that day at the party.
When Starlight Glimmer reached the dirt path leading to Fluttershy's cottage, she had calmed down exponentially. She had taken a few breaths, counted to one-hundred, and played 'Cupcake Crush'. On the path, she noticed some birds. She saw that they were all red, and therefore, equal.
"Hello little birds! Do you like to sing?"
One of the birds shook his head 'Yes' in reply. Starlight then promptly began to sing 'Our Town'. The birds, not knowing the true meaning of the simple, yet catchy tune, followed suit. Soon, a plethora of singing erupted through the forest.
Then she heard it.
The most dreaded of all noises.
One of the birds, had sung off key.
"Who the bucking hell was that?!?!?! When I find you, I will gouge out your eyeballs, and shove them down your throat, so you can watch me gut you like a bucking deer!!!"
The flock immediately scattered at the sounds of pure unbridled rage that emanated from the furious pony. Some unfortunate souls were shot down, and drifted to the ground in glowing piles of ash. When the remaining birds escaped from the murderous equine, Starlight focused her gaze towards the path. She pulled out her mobile phone (She stole it from twilights human artifacts) an began to play Cupcake Crush. She continued towards the cottage.
When Starlight Glimmer had arrived, Fluttershy was already waiting at the door. Without a word, Starlight Glimmer waltzed in, sat down on the sofa, and smiled.
"Um... Hello Starlight... I made you some cheese and crackers... I hope you like them..."
Starlight lifted one of the crackers and placed a bit of the cheese on the cracker. She had no clue what then cheese tasted like, but tried her best to be polite and not ask.
"Thank you dear! I most certainly enjoy sacks such as this. Come, sit next to me will you?"
"Um... Ok then..." Fluttershy half whispered. She came over and sat cautiously next to Starlight. Starlight gave her a sweet, innocent smile before taking a large bite out of the cracker. She began to chew, making it clear how much she was enjoying the cracker. She took another bite, this time, with some cheese.
"BLEUGH! What the hell is in this?! Are you trying to poison me!?"
"What?! No! I... I would never do something like t-that! It's just goat cheese! I-I swear! Please don't hurt me..."
Starlight Glimmer cleaned herself off as quickly as possible. "I'm so sorry Fluttershy! I just never tried goat cheese before, and I thought it was just White Equestrian! I'm so sorry..."
Fluttershy released a sigh of relief and smiled daintily. "Apology accepted!". The Rest of the animals that were to attend shortly arrived, and soon afterwards, the tea was brought out. Fluttershy had spared no expense In the production of the tea. Fresh tea leaves, grown only in the rich soil of the everfree. The cups were of the most beautiful ceramics. Even the biscuits were prepared with the most delicate care.
"Alright everypony, I have prepared 3 cups for all, a biscuit, and a special surprise for dessert. I hope you all enjoy!". Fluttershy began to distribute the fist round of tea, Green with peach, and lemon. Starlight dipped her biscuit into the tea and bit down. Her mouth exploded in an orgy of flavor. The biscuit was just right, and the tea complimented it perfectly. Once the first round was finished, Fluttershy brought out the next round.
This time, the brew consisted of jasmine and mint. Once distributed, the other animals blew on their cups, due to the heat rising out of the drink. Not Starlight Glimmer though.
She expected it to be the same temperature as the first round, but had neglected the fact that jasmine was to be drank hot, despite herself having exponential knowledge on tea brewing. She drank, and drank, until her cup was empty. She smiled, the red tint spreading across her face, her tongue begging for something cool. She would get her wish in but a moment.
Fluttershy came out with the final round. This time, she brought out a pitcher and an assortment of different sized glasses for the animals. She set the tray down and poured some of the tea in each glass. "This... is plain iced sweet tea. I decided that this woul-" She was cut off by Starlight Glimmer, who grasped the last of the pitcher in her magical aura and downed most of the pitcher before setting it down. Fluttershy, along with the rest of the animals present were shocked to see this sudden change in behavior. Fluttershy apologized for her guest's sudden outburst and flew into the kitchen, where the sounds of subtle profanities could be heard. She came back out with a silver platter with a tall dome covering the treat within.
"This..." she said, lifting the dome, "is a lime gelatin carrot cake with French vanilla infused swirls. hope you all enjoy...".. She cut eight pieces out of the cake and gave one to every guest, including herself. Once they were all seated, they began to eat. Starlight couldn't help but notice that the squirrel had a slightly larger piece than her.
"Ahem... Fluttershy?" She whispered. "I think you made a mistake...."
"..,And then I said to the cow, "I don't want milk, I want..."
"Fluttershy, dear?"
"...Then she began to..."
"Fluttershy."
"...She finally stopped and..."
"Flutt.Er.Shy"
"...And so we finally..."
"FLUTTERSHY YOU USELESS DAUGHTER OF A WHORE!!!!"
Fluttershy sunk back in fear. Multiple tears formed in her eyes at the insult to both her, and her mother.
"I have been trying this whole time to get your attention, but you would rather sit and chat to a FUCKING RABBIT about a CELESTIA DAMN COW! You invited me here, and I expect to be given the utmost respect! Instead, I get a piss-poor excuse for cheese, Tea that's too hot, a small ass piece of cake, and get overruled BY A FUCKING BUNNY!!!"
Fluttershy and the rest of the inhabitants of the cottage rushed for the door, but starlight slammed it shut, locking it with a flick of her magic.
"Oh, Your not going ANYWHERE this time!" With that, Starlight Glimmer teleported outside of the building and launched a fireball at the poor cottage.
"TIME TO MELT THE CHEESE BITCH!!!!!"
*********
The Ponyville police were having a busy day.
First, a crater had been blown in the road. Next, they found a stand selling illegal meat products. After that, a democratic rally had been interrupted by a barrage of meat, and the stage had been defiled. Later, a collection of ash piles had been found on a dirt road near a small cottage. Now, the radio was calling in something else.
"Patrol 11K 11King come in."
Officer Steel answered the call. "Go ahead KGPL.".
"Domestic disturbance at the Cottage on Forest road, Unit to handle code 3 identify."
" This is Patrol 11K, We'll take that call"
"Confirmed. All other units code two, identify"
Officer Steel Barrel and his partner, G-Force, galloped as fast as they could. A code three domestic disturbance was never good. After a good 5 minutes, the two officers reached the location of the call.
All they found, was a smoking crater, and a few burning birdhouses.
