Dead Or Alive, You're Coming With Me!
“Judge Dredd, I have an important assignment for you” asserts the Chief Justice.
Judge Dredd and the Chief Justice were standing in a room together. The room was empty, pearly white, and devoid of any dirt or scenery except for a pedestal in the middle of the room. On this pedestal rested a strange hand-held device with a screen, handle, two antennas jutting out the top, dials on the sides, and the acronym ‘T.A.D’ written just below the screen casing.
“Whatever it is sir, I will gladly execute justice by any means” replied Dredd passionately, though with a permanent scowl across his face.
“I know you will Judge Dredd, that is why I have called you here” said the Chief Justice as he approached the device. “Allow me to introduce you to our newest technological advancement, TAD, it stands for: Teleportation and Anomaly Detector”
Dredd raised a single eyebrow, though no-one could tell because the top half of his face was always obscured by his helmet’s face mask. “So, this perp requires I teleport to them? What city is this creep hiding in?”
“This criminal isn’t exactly hiding in a city Judge Dredd, but… Another universe”
“Another universe sir?”
“Yes Mr. Dredd, another universe, is that a problem?”
“No sir!” Dredd quickly retorted “even if this perp is hiding on Mars I’ll personally track them down and dispense justice!”
“Excellent” said the Chief Justice as he picked up the T.A.D “This device will bring you to, help locate, and help return said criminal”
The Chief Justice walked over to Dredd and placed the T.A.D in his hands “We don’t know what this criminal looks like, their motive, or why they committed the crime. Hell, they didn’t even come to our dimension”
“Wait” interrupts Dredd “so then why are we arresting this perp if they’ve never been to our dimension?”
“Because Dredd, they committed a crime that was detected by our scanners: time traveling”
“...And?”
The Chief Justice leans closer to Dredd as he whispers into his ear “Without a permit”
A shutter goes down Dredd’s spine as his face twitches, almost causing him to break his permanent scowl. “That scumbag!”
“Exactly, now, there is no time to loose Judge Dredd. Get out there and capture them before they destroy the space time continuum, or at least get a permit before they do it again”
Judge Dredd salutes the Chief Justice before looking down at the T.A.D, with one click of a button a vortex opens up around him as he disappears in a blink of an eye.
---
Things were going good for Starlight Glimmer, sure she had time traveled and destroyed the future multiple times just to get revenge on Twilight. But that was before, now she learned the importance of friendship from the main six. After all, it was Twilight who showed her the error of her ways, who proposed to teach her the value of friendship, and even invite her to help reorganize some of her books.
“Twilight...” said Starlight Glimmer as she levitated a book back onto a shelf.
“Yeah?” replied Twilight.
“I just wanted to say that… I never really stopped to thank you”
“Oh, no thanks is necessary” Twilight happily responded.
*beep, beep, beep*
“No I really should be thanking you, after all I was the one who made things way out of hoof”
*beep, beep, beep*
“I know Starlight, but anger and loneliness can do a lot to a pony. I completely understand where you come from”
*beep, beep, beep*
“I know that you know that Twilight, but it still feels irresponsible for me to have been so upset about a cutie mark, and being so afraid that…”
*BEEP, BEEP, BEEP*
“...What’s that noise?”
Suddenly, the door is kicked open as a large, muscular man in combat armor with a helmet that covers most of his head storms into the room. He had a scowl across his face (at least the lower, visible part of his face) and his left hand was holding onto a device that was beeping rapidly.
The man quickly looked at the beeping device before looking at Starlight “So you’re the perp” the man scoffed to himself before yelling out and pointing with his right hand “freeze lawbreaker!”
“What?” said Starlight
“You heard me creep!” boomed the man “You’re under arrest! You’ll either come with me quietly or in a body bag, your choice!”
Twilight quickly teleported in front of the strange man.
“Who are you?!” she demanded “What are you doing here?! This is my house!”
“Judge Joseph Dredd, civilian! Now move out of the way or I’ll have you arrested for obstruction of justice!”
“A judge? A judge can’t just burst into anypony’s house and arrest ponies, that’s what guards are for!” Twilight said hoping to diffuse the situation logically.
“I certainly can civilian, stated under article one section six”
“Article one section six of what?”
“This” Dredd replied before pulling out a 1,500 page book seemingly out of nowhere and tossing it into Twilight’s hooves “Go ahead and eat your heart out liberal, I’ll need that back after I arrest this scum”
Starlight quickly jumps forward “Oh no you don’t!” she says as she aims her horn at Dredd.
Twilight yells out “Starlight, no!”
But it was too late, Starlight shoots a spell from her horn striking Dredd in the chest and causing him to fall backwards.
“Starlight! After all I taught you about friendship this is how you respond!”
“Oh come on Twilight, he was trying to arrest me and he was obviously crazy. Besides, I only used a stunning spell on him”
Dredd twitched on the ground before letting out a moan “Uuuugh… Stun shot” he said as a faint click could be heard coming from his Lawgiver handgun.
“See, even he knows it was a stunning spell”
Dredd quickly sits up as he draws his handgun, aiming it at Starlight before pulling the trigger firing a small projectile at her, in mere milliseconds the projectile stuck to her fur and sent a jolting electric shock across her whole body knocking her out in seconds.
“Gah!” yells Twilight as she jumps back in shock.
Dredd looks over at Twilight as he stands up “Your friend here should practice their aim, they hit me right in the chest armor. But they’ll have a lot of time to practice, in the iso-cubes”
Dredd walks over to Starlight as he picks her up and begins to wrap her horn in some electrical tape he had on-hand. Twilight, unsure of what to do, quickly picked up the book Dredd gave her and began to skim the table of contents.
“Wait!” she said as Dredd finished wrapping her horn in electrical tape.
“Please don't interrupt me civilian”
“But it’s about the law”
“The law!” Dredd responds quickly before dropping Starlight on the ground “What do you mean it’s about the law?”
Twilight quickly pointed a hoof at a page under the ‘International Rules And Regulations’ chapter. “It says here that you have to gain permission from an overseeing chief justice before you can arrest anypony in any foreign land”
“Ha!” Scoffs Dredd “That would be true, if it wasn’t specifically stated under section seven that a criminal that commits a capital crime is to be arrested, even if the overseeing judge refuses to give permission. Which, time traveling without a permit is specifically stated as a capital crime”
“Yes, but…” Twilight responds as she turns a couple pages in the gigantic book “you still have to get permission, even if the overseeing judge denies it”
Dredd’s scowled even harder as he realized that the purple talking unicorn with wings just found a loophole in the law. “I… I see…” Dredd rubbed his helmeted forehead as he said “so… Civilian! I hereby order you to tell me the name and location of your overseeing chief justice or equivalent law official! And I warn you, misinformation will carry a heavy burden with a minimum of 5 years in the iso-cubes”
“No misinformation here Mr. Joseph Dredd” Twilight said smugly “see, in Equestria we’re ruled by a pair of Princesses: Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. They rule over the land and oversee the laws”
“Hmm” Dredd responds “Very well, where are these ‘Princesses’?”
“Just right out there” Twilight responds pointing a hoof out the window towards Canterlot “That big castle on the hill, with the town underneath that’s surrounded by walls. That’s Canterlot, the Princesses live inside the castle”
“Say no more civilian” says Dredd as he pulls out the T.A.D “Thank you for your cooperation civilian, have a pleasant day. I will return shortly to arrest this perp so don’t get any ideas”
Dredd holds the T.A.D in front of him as he turns the dials and presses a couple buttons before disappearing in a blink of an eye.
“Spike!” yells Twilight.
“Yeah?” Spike responds while crawling out from underneath the couch.
“Spike… What were you doing?”
“Sorry Twilight… It’s just… When he kicked down the door and started yelling I got scared and hid...”
“Well… Nevermind that, I have an idea. First, I need you to write a letter to somepony. Then, I need you to get Rarity”
---
*Bam!*
The door flew open in the main throne room, Princess Celestia was sitting at her chair as Dredd walked into the room still wearing his combat armor and helmet, and still with a scowl across his face.
“Are you Princess Celestia?” Dredd asks
There was an awkward silence that filled the room for a good two minutes before Celestia replied “Yes, that’s me”
“Mam, I request permission to detain a criminal currently under your jurisdiction as a chief justice or equivalent on the land known as ‘Equestria’”
“Well… This is a serious claim, is there a specific reason? Or…”
“Do you, or do you not give me permission?”
“Well, no, you haven’t even presented your argument yet and…”
“Thank you for your cooperation, goodbye!” Dredd quickly says before pulling out the T.A.D and teleporting away.
“Ahem” says one of the royal guards “Your highness, should we track him down?”
“No, goodness no, did you see the scowl across his face. Somepony that scowls that hard shouldn’t be messed with”
---
Twilight stared at her clock in anticipation “She should be here any minute…” she said as Starlight took the last piece of electrical tape off her horn.
“I hope so” she responds “do you actually think she’ll come?”
“Of course, after all I did tell her…”
“Ha ha ha!” laughed a mysterious voice as a puff of cloud puffs up before quickly dispersing at the doorway revealing The Great and Powerful Trixie.
“So Twilight” she says “You send Trixie a letter saying you want to personally admit that I am better at magic than you!”
“Yeah...” says Twilight disappointingly “I just can’t lie about it anymore, you were always better at magic. I just upstaged you because I thought… NOW STARLIGHT!”
Starlight quickly jumped out at Trixie and tackled her before quickly tieing her hooves up with some ropes.
“What is this?!” Trixie yells “Untie Trixie at once!”
Twilight steps forward and carefully touches Trixie with her glowing horn causing her to pass out.
Starlight unties Trixie before looking at Twilight “So, what do we do now?”
Just then, Rarity steps into the room “You called darling?”
Twilight then looks at Starlight “Stage two”
Rarity levitated out from her saddlebags a couple bottles of mane and coat die, along with some combs and scissors. “This will only take a second darlings”
---
A flash of light filled the room as Dredd reappeared in the room.
“I have verbal confirmation that I’m not allowed to conduct any arrests by your chief judge, but as stated under section seven I am still allowed to arrest, detain, and sentence this specific perp”
“Well” says Twilight “you don’t have any complaints from me, go ahead Mr. Judge Dredd” she says as she points a hoof at Starlight who was passed out on the ground.
Dredd walks over and picks her up and examines her before looking closely at her horn.
“Huh…” says Dredd “No electrical tape?”
Twilight’s heart begins to beat faster as her pupils dilate.
“Um… Yeah, it… Uh… Fell off”
Dredd looks at Twilight before looking back at Starlight “I have been having trouble with this roll of tape before, it might just be too old. I’ll have to head into the station and pick up a new roll”
Twilight lets out a sigh of relief as Dredd wraps her horn in more electrical tape and begins to walk away carrying her under his arm.
“Wha?...” says Starlight who was just beginning to wake up “Wait! What is the meaning of this!? Put Trixie down this instant!” She says as she kicks her legs.
“Quiet criminal, you’re going away for a long time! Now that you’re awake I think you’d like to hear your sentence right? How does twenty years in the iso-cube sound lawbreaker!”
“What are you talking about? And… Why is Trixie’s coat pink… And my mane, why is it purple and blue?”
“You’ll have a lot more to answer for when you’re in the slammer, creep!” says Dredd as he pulls out the T.A.D and teleports away.
“Is he gone?” asks a voice from the nearby closet.
“I think so” responds Twilight.
“Oh good” says Starlight as she opens the closet door and steps out “I’m impressed that Rarity was able to die her mane and coat so quickly, and speaking of Trixie; where do you think he’s taking her?”
---
Five Years Later
“Trixie’s log entry 1,125. Trixie has been stuck in this solitary confinement for many moons now, the coat and mane die have worn off and now Trixie looks normal. But they still think that Trixie is somepony else, this angers Trixie, but thankfully my captors have said that they’ll be releasing Trixie from this prison tomorrow for good behavior”
---
The Next Day
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN TRIXIE CAN’T RETURN TO HER HOME!?” Yelled Trixie at a Judge who was leading her out of the prison.
“The teleportation device they used was deemed only to be used in emergency or die situations, returning you home isn’t deemed emergency or dire enough to use it. But you’ve been granted citizenship in Mega City One, now, enjoy your day” said the Judge before booting her out onto the sidewalk and closing the door behind him.
“Hmph! Well, Trixie shouldn’t look at this in a bad way. In fact, Trixie might be able to become great and powerful again! Maybe Trixie might be the greatest and most powerful in this universe!”
Just then, a man from across the street yells back at her. “Get a job bum!”
Justice Has Been Served!
Author's Note
Here's some pictures of Judge Dredd scowling:
If Judge Dredd could stop crime by scowling, there would be no crime.
