I stared outside through the window. The moon was too much to not admire, of its shape and pattern of Luna, even if it was only a representation of what was a nightmare. I didn't care. It reminded me of Serena.
Ignoring the fact that it was cold outside and I would be letting the house's warmth out, I pushed the window open, and set my hooves out to feel the wind of the cool night. My eyes twitched from the intense cold, but, as much discomfort it set for my body, it was soothing my soul, turning off all other pestering forces and putting me into a form of nothing but thought.
The trees suddenly began to sway in the cool breeze, and the grass was of a beautiful mix of green and silver, the moonlight feeling stronger and brighter than ever.
The warmth was leaking.
The cold was growing.
I managed to make a slight grin and mark of happiness for myself, staring into the trees that twisted and grew around to make a path. My grin curved more slightly when I saw a mare slowly walking out of the trees and into the grass. The grin curved greatly when I recognized the mare.
The mare's eyes were unmatched, sparkling a light blue shade of what looked oh, so pure. Her coat of what was also light, but a smooth color of gray, made a memorable touch to what she also had of her pink tail and hair. Her hair was somewhat round, but settled down the neck, with a cute sliver of white and black hair I've always loved.
Such an undeniably beautiful mare.
She had not seen me, and I wanted to appear appealing for her; looking straight down, a bundle of bushes were grown, but what caught my eye was a small rose that, even though looking antique and a one time bloomer, was fully bloomed and open for the moonlight. I reached down and plucked it, ignoring the thorns if the bush and rose scraping my hoof. It didn't hurt. I did not mind it even the slightest.
I held the rose in my hoof, and smiled passionately, waiting for the mare to notice me and lock eyes. I waited. I adjusted my coat and kept grinning. She was looking around, up at the trees and the moon, and smiled as she sat down. My grin began to fade, and I tried to call her name, but everything went to a complete halt.
"Vetrov, what are you doing, close the window."
The male voice rang into my ears uncomfortably, and my entire body reacted to how cold it was and my hoof dropped a pile of snow into the three feet layers of white color that surrounded the house. No trees, no grass; only the stars and moon of Luna to give any sort of enjoyable emotions.
"Vetrov! Close the window!"
I reacted again, shivering worse, and pulled the window down with a loud slam. I turned to see Terrance walking up. His black hair, now fading into aging gray hair, was hidden inside his beanie. He's always worn a hat since his gray hair began to show. His coat was still dark and gray like mine had to used to have been, though; mine was now almost white, as if I had grown pale. We were both bundled up in the official outpost attire, but you never would have noticed it because of our layers of coats and sweaters.
"Vetrov."
"Yeah..."
"You're doing it ag-"
"Terrance, I'm fine, leave me alone." I walked away from the window and turned to sit by the fireplace. The wooden floor was old, and the planks had cracks letting in cold air. It wasn't as if the floor was comfortable in general.
Terrance sat down with me. "After tomorrow, it'll only be one more week until we're checked out, you know."
"I don't care," I said, "I'll probably stay here for another term anyway. I came here because I didn't want to stay in Equestria."
"I don't understand you, Vetrov," said Terrance, "You've stayed here for two years now as one of the outpost watchers. It's dang cold here, you hate it here too-"
My eyes twitched again.
"-and you know it."
"Leave me alone."
"You got another letter," Terrance mumbled, and he tossed a neatly enveloped letter onto the table. I looked back at it and recognized the black stamp on it. It was the tenth one this month.
I grabbed it and left it on the floor for me to stare at. The stamp was crusted off, but I recognized the label for it, meant to be very secretive. Only certain officials were allowed to deliver it, and I could tell by the envelope's "wrapping," that it was meant to show no prints of any sort.
I hesitated, but the regret faded greatly, and I scraped the letter into the fire with my hoof. I watched it burn and die into ashes, until I glanced at Terrance, who was watching and hiding behind the mall. I gave him the same glare I gave him dozens of times, and he left the room as I would expect.
It was then that I noticed the Christmas tree's newly placed ornaments. There were no presents. There were never any presents. Nopony from Equestria outside of Equestria really cared, in fact, the tree wasn't even real. Too much snow, too much to deal with.
I didn't care. If I decided to work in the army up north of Equestria at the borders to watch one of the outposts, why and how would anypony in the world think I have anything to care or live for.
Life is special, though. I understood that long ago. But I've lost hope in what you can do in life. I feel like I've grown too old to try again or go back. I can't even go back to Equestria now, the fact that I'm in the army is a miracle.
I gazed upon the Christmas tree. Tomorrow would be like any other day, only with a cup of the small amount of eggnog we were gifted two weeks ago. I don't even know why outposts exist here when there seems to be no sort of threat in this world. I'm not disappointed. I'm just not impressed. I'm just not...
I stared at the fireplace again, and felt the same regret of destroying the letter. I hate my father, but ten letters in a month is ridiculous. But what would he want to say; he's the one who threw me out and practically abandon me. It was like a banish he had done..
I spit into the fire, even making more saliva before doing so to enforce the mock. I wish I hadn't thought about my father, though; my emotions took over my actions, and I pulled a folded photo out of my coat. I unfolded it and stared at the mare depicted, with the pink hair and tail brightening the entire photo.
I put the photo away before I spilled a teardrop onto it, and mumbled, "I'm sorry, Serena. I'll come home one day."
I feel asleep on the floor there, and was in an uncomfortable deep sleep until Terrance shook me awake.
"There are lights outside. Some dogsleds, I think," he explained, and we both forced the door open and began to shovel out a small path to where there was a slippery slope by what would be a waterfall during the warmer seasons, and the terrain would be a higher level.
The lights were being carried by some army infantry and a few civilians. There was no sled, but there were dogs being led by the infantry. One of the stallions were scratched and bruised in the face, and another had almost its entire head bandaged.
"What happened, any deaths?" Terrance asked them.
"No deaths," explained the only stallion who hasn't been harmed, "But the demon ones attacked the village outpost."
"You can stay for the rest of tonight," offered Terrance.
"The family wants to get to their home east of here," explained the bandaged stallion, and he looked around before he said, "Blizzard in the morning, I'm sure. You two oughta get some firewood before morning. May not be able to get any for a while."
They all left in a hurry. I'm sure they were just worried about the changelings returning, but I had my doubts about it, especially if there was to be a blizzard.
Terrance immediately volunteered, "I'll get some firewood."
"No. It's fine, I'll get some," I said, and I pushed him aside as I slowly moved through the snow to where a shed kept the firewood.
The stars and moon had grown brighter and full of life, and they seemed to have kept me awake as I marched through the snow. The moon's depiction of Luna had always caught my eye, as if there was an unusual force that would draw me towards it. As I was staring at it, I could have sworn she had slightly faded. I looked forward and saw the shed was close, but I stopped in my tracks there.
I always stop in realization when I come here to the shed. I'm always the one who volunteers to get the firewood. And I knew why I would.
I wanted to cry, but I held it back, knowing the tears wouldn't be good out here. Not here. But... did it matter...
I unfolded the picture. The mare seemed to have been even brighter now, almost as bright as the moon. She was even smiling now, as if there was more hope.
I opened the shed door, muttering, "I'm coming home, Serena," and looked at the noose that stayed in its same place as it had for years. I looked at the picture one last time before I dropped it.
As the darkness around me faded into light, the picture became real.
