I'd been in the palace library a few months by now. The written word had a certain allure to it and the library here at the heart of Equestria was the best. It helped that Celestia herself was dedicated to its care and curation. In my time here, I was sure I'd seen every inch of every wing.
"You sure you're up for this?" The senior librarian, Scroll Sorter, asked. She was a nice enough mare, her wings and mane only just starting to show telltale spots of gray.
"Scroll, just leave it to me. I'll have the inventory down so fast, you'd think I was Spike the dragon himself!" I said, confidently.
"Even Spike had Princess Twilight to turn to if he needed help. You'll be flying solo, if you'll excuse the phrase. No Earth Pony has ever completed an audit of the entire library in less than a week."
"Magic and wings are no replacement for experience. I've reshelved every wing, memorized the cataloguing system, and kept the check-in's up to the minute for the last six months. I'm on a roll."
"Well, then. I guess I'll leave it in your capable hooves, Laurel. Happy Hearth's Warming!" She said as she stepped forward to embrace me.
"Happy Hearth's Warming to you too, Scroll."
Hours later, I set down the inventory list and wiped a bead of sweat from my brow. Taking a kerchief out of my jacket pocket, I patted my face down and went in search of my water bottle. The inventory wasn't difficult per se, but it was time consuming. I'd have to devise a new, more efficient system when I had the chance.
Lost in my thoughts, I almost missed the hoofsteps softly falling on the carpet. I called out around the corner. "Sorry, the library is closed for the holiday. Please..."
My voice died in my throat. Princess Celestia stood, graceful as ever, before me. "O-oh, Princess, forgive me." I said, bowing. "If Your Highness would like any help finding something, please let me know." My heart thrilled; to be in the presence of Celestia herself! A dream come true!
I waited for her to pass by like she normally did. Visits from the Princess were infrequent, but every librarian knew to render aid at any time Her Highness arrived. To my amazement, she didn't move. Etiquette clearly dictated that one must not raise their head until addressed directly, although it was rumored that strict adherence to custom seemed to annoy Her Highness in private settings. I risked a glance upward.
She met my gaze and smiled. "Sorry, I was lost in thought. Your name is Laurel Wordsmith, correct?"
"Yes, if it pleases, Your Highness."
"And if it doesn't please me?" She asked, her eyebrows raised inquisitively.
"Then I shall resign immediately, Highness." I said, looking back down to keep my grin from showing.
She laughed. "That will not be necessary, Laurel. Although your services most certainly will be."
"Anything I can do to help, Your Highness, would be an honor." I said reverently.
"I am looking for a book..." Celestia said, drawing a hoof up to her chin.
"You are in the right place, Your Highness." I said drily, looking up to gauge her reaction.
She pressed the hoof up to her lips, the ends of her mouth curling up. Her eyes twinkled in mirth. "Oh, am I? Let's dispense of the honorifics and especially the bowing. Rise and address me as Celestia or, if you must, Princess." She held her gaze at a spot above my head, although as I rose to stand at full height, our eyes met.
Her expression was pure mischief. She'd challenged me. Would I call her Princess or Celestia? My head rang out in horror against the idea of addressing her so informally. But my gut sang a different tune. I'd always carried a secret crush on the Ruler of the Day. Now here she was, as if this was a dream, telling me I could address her as informally as I wanted. "As you wish, Celestia."
Apparently, that was correct. Her smile widened to show her incredibly white teeth. "Well, Laurel. I'm waiting for my book."
My brain stuttered to a halt. "Um, Celestia, you haven't said what book you were looking for."
"My favorite book." She replied enigmatically.
"Celestia, forgive me, but I don't know..." The words trailed off as her look of challenge returned.
"My favorite book is one I've never read. It's an old tale, one of a kind and in a place nopony else besides one other can find. Take as much time as you deem necessary. I have cleared out my schedule until dawn." With that, she walked over to a soft chair near the window and sat herself down.
I scrambled my brain, searching for any hint of meaning in anything she said. The words themselves seemed incredibly familiar. Had I heard of a book like that before? Where would I find a book like that? I'd been in every section, touched every shelf in the library. Think, Laurel!
After what felt like an eternity, I started to list off the sections of the library in my head. Old tale ruled out about half of the library. I had no clue what books she'd read...unless. I headed to the circulation desk and rifled through the records until I came to find a large folder marked PC. Opening it, I scanned the first page. It had exactly as many books as one sheet on an inventory list. No one book repeated itself either, she read a book and then returned it.
"That was quick." Celestia remarked from the other side of the counter.
I resisted the urge to shout out in surprise. How a pony her size could sneak up on anyone was beyond me. She must have used magic.
"Going to my file to see what I've read. Nice use of resources. What have you learned?" She asked, crossing her forehooves to lean on the counter.
"If my guess is correct..." I flipped through the pile. "You've read every book in the library exactly once."
"I make it a point to do so whenever new material comes in. It helps with this game. You are correct, except I've never read the one I'm looking for." She replied.
"Even if I cross-referenced your file against the inventory list, that alone would take at least two days for one pony to do." I replied.
"Giving up already? I had such hopes." Celestia pouted. I don't think I'd ever seen the Princess pout. I wondered if anypony had ever seen this.
"I didn't say that." I answered. She flashed a smile and returned to her chair by the window.
"Celestia? May I ask you some questions?"
She smirked. "You've already done so and are still standing, so I believe you have the capability to do so."
"And you'll answer them?" I checked, suddenly wary that any hubris in my questions would result in djinn-level trickery.
"Honestly and to the best of my considerable ability." She replied.
Not reassured, I started anyway. "I've been through every section of this library. Aside from Starswirl's Wing, which is only restricted not completely off limits, there's no place another pony couldn't go. Or is there?"
Her smile widened. "I do believe you are trying to get my to solve this for you!"
I held up a hoof. "You agreed to answer honestly and to the best of your ability. You set no other parameters on what you would and would not answer."
"This is the most fun I've had with this game in ages." She remarked idly.
"Your answer, Celestia? Is there a place in this library that a pony, even one allowed to Starswhirl's Wing, couldn't get to?"
Celestia regarded me seriously. "Only one pony in a generation could find this place."
"Am I that pony?" I asked.
"I don't know."
"Princess, that's not an answer!" I chastised.
"Yes it is! I said honestly and to the best of my ability. I honestly don't know if you are that pony. To the best of my ability, I do think you might be." She answered evenly.
I sat on the floor and cast a look around the library. The most exclusive wing of the library was Starswirl's Wing. I'd not been allowed until just recently. If there was anyplace to hide a book, it would be there. The rest of the library bordered relatively thin walls to a hallway on three walls and the outside on the fourth. Starswirl's Wing had its own guarded entrance and the walls there were much thicker and bordered empty rooms and a thicker exterior wall.
"Is your book accessed through Starswirl's Wing?" I asked, getting up off the floor to face her. Again she smiled. She even clapped her hooves.
"Great phrasing! Yes, it is."
I grabbed a set of keys, part of her file, and the inventory list for the Starswirl Wing."Would you care to join me in Starswirl's Wing, Celestia?" I asked, offering a hoof to help her up.
She took my hoof as she rose effortlessly. "Let's."
I led the way out of the main library and through the hall to Starswirl's Wing. The guardspony bowed respectfully to the Princess. I stepped forward to hand him the key and he opened the door. The wing was small, but packed with books from floor to wall.
"Now that we're here, the rules have changed." Celestia announced. "You still have until dawn, but I won't be answering any more questions."
"Afraid to give the game away, Celestia?" I asked impudently.
"You are certainly an intelligent pony. You should be able to figure it out on your own." She said encouragingly.
Sitting at the lone desk in the wing, I grabbed the quill and started checking off books. It was a bit time-consuming, but I was sure it would be worth it. The Princess sat on the floor by the window and looked up at the moon. By the time I finished the list, I scanned it three times to check for any books left. Scanning the inventory sheet, I knew that all the books here should be present and accounted for. Frustrated, I set the quill down and stood up.
"What have you learned?" Celestia asked, amused.
"You've read every book here that we have on file. Which means there must be a book here not on file." I answered.
"Well, at least you made that connection. I must say, you have done a remarkable job so far. It must help that you've studied the library so extensively." She remarked.
The praise did nothing to make my next job easier. "I'll have to go through each shelf and find the book since it's not on file."
"Good luck." Celestia offered.
"Thanks. I don't really see the point in this game." I remarked drily.
"You will." She said, frustratingly. Before I could ask her what she meant, she faced the window again. I paced along the shelves, wondering how best to efficiently begin the search. I'd only been somewhat aware of the room, Scroll preferred to stock and inventory this wing herself since it was smaller. I found myself mesmerized among the old time-worn covers. Each book and scroll, page and parchment once belonged to Starswirl the Bearded. Four sculpted busts sat on shelves as well, except in a single shelf in the middle of the back of the room.
If I were to hide a secret book, would I just put it on the shelf? The thought was a bit ludicrous. Anything might happen to a book out on a shelf. Celestia mentioned that my question was well phrased. Is your book accessed through Starswirl's wing? Through. Not in. I'd had a glimmer of the idea before, but if it was really so mysterious that only one pony in a generation could find it, the book had to be hidden.
Searching the empty shelf, I found it had four square depressions. Four depressions, four sculptures in the room. Couldn't be coincidence. I gathered the sculptures. Each had an inscription on the base.
Learnéd Pony, and Well Met
What Was Found in Ancient Time
You Have Passed the Test Sublime
Have Courage, Now The Task is Set
Celestia stood at my side as I looked over the inscriptions. Like the last two times she'd suddenly appeared, she opened her mouth to speak. I set my hoof on her lips.
"What have you learned, right Celestia?" I asked. I felt her lip curl upward against my hoof. Emboldened, I set each sculpture down and spoke the inscription. "What Was Found In Ancient Time, Have Courage Now The Task Is Set. You Have Passed The Test Sublime, Learned Pony and Well Met." The sculptures in place, they flashed briefly and the bookshelf slid back and to the right. Revealed behind, a book sat under a glass case. A flash from my flank alerted me to my cutie mark glowing. The cover glowed as well.
The flash lasted only moments, then faded. "What is this, Celestia?"
"Don't be afraid, Laurel, my love." She said, a wing draped across my shoulders. "It's time for you to read my favorite story."
Cautiously, I opened the case. Part of my brain protested touching a book so ancient-looking, but my gut felt like there was definitely something different about this book. Looking at the cover, I saw scores of cutie marks decorating the front. My own mark stared back at me. I shivered a bit, in spite of the warmth of Celestia's wing.
"Go ahead, now." She said, reassuringly.
I leaned my head against her breast and opened the cover. The opening words were so cliché, I smiled. "Once Upon A Time..." The story was a long one, but time seemed to stand still. I couldn't stop in my recitation, each word brought with it the memory of times and lives long passed. My mind filled with the power of those images, each as real to me as if they were my own. Then, it was my own. I narrated my entire life to her up to that point as the words wrote themselves on the page. I was frightened at the power of the magic that held me, but Celestia's wing somehow made it all bearable. These memories belonged to someone who loved her, as much as she loved them.
When it was finished, I sat in the room as Celestia opened a window and brought forth the sun. I watched her as she came back, my heart soaring at the sight of her framed in sunlight. She seemed unreal and beautiful. With a powerful force I realized, she was mine.
"Celestia."
"Laurel."
"Is that who I am?" I asked her seriously.
"It is who you are now. One soul, through the ages, has dared to love me. Each time it's body passes away, the soul does not move on to the next life. It is reborn, in one of three forms and in either of two genders. Yet the power of that book calls to it, because the book and the soul are connected. You've always found your way here, to the book and to me." She moved in close and kissed my forehead.
"I am, or was, all of those ponies. I've loved you that many times?" I asked, overwhelmed.
"Whether or not you love me is up to you. You are certainly capable of loving me. I won't ask you to say it so soon." She said. I'd felt a strange déjà vu. I didn't always ask these questions, but even the part of me that was Laurel Wordsmith was attracted to her before all of this.
"How did you know?" I asked.
"Honestly? I rarely do." She said, kissing my cheek. I blushed, but part of me wanted her lips on mine. "I've made it a habit to try new librarians first. It's worked out on a number of occasions. Something about your soul really loves the written word."
She took a breath and kissed my jaw. "You've been a student, though, and a guard, and a number of other things. One thing is the same, you always end up in the library on the night of the shortest day of the year. It works out, too, because not all of your past selves were as good at this game as you were. Sometimes the solstice is a bit shorter than usual."
When she moved in to kiss my nose, I lifted my head to steal a real kiss. She broke off, smiling and laughing. "Stealing a kiss?"
"It's one of my more rare actions, from what I can recall." I said with a smile of my own.
"It's one of my favorites." She said as she leaned in again. The kiss this time was deep and passionate. I was out of breath when we pulled away again.
"I'll have to remember that." I said eagerly.
"Incorrigible, as ever." Celestia said.
"A sonata about Nightmare Moon?" Maestro Grosso asked, incredulous.
I hardened my resolve. "I've already written most of it, I just need a little help from some of the other musicians to bring it fully to life."
Grosso slapped a hoof to his head. "I suppose you want to take a little rehearsal time to work on it as well?"
"It could be a hit for the orchestra!" I argued.
"All I'm saying is, aside from old mare's tales and a holiday for foals, there's not much else to be said about Nightmare Moon." I said.
"And all I'm saying is don't be surprised when nopony takes your little love song to a villainous foal-eater seriously." Maestro Grosso replied. "The tale itself is almost unheard-of. Without Nightmare Night, I don't think anypony would've heard about that silly old boogeymare."
"Maestro, ever since I heard the tale as a foal it's fascinated me. An evil mare? A counterpart of our Celestia? The opportunities there are rife and underutilized!"
Grosso snorted. "They're underutilized because it can't be taken seriously! The more you think about it, the more it's sure to be just a made up story to scare foals. A mirror to Celestia? Evil instead of good, night instead of day? It's all unimaginative to the point of cliche. I know you enjoyed the story as a foal, Harper, but if I didn't know better I'd say you're infatuated. Infatuated with a fictional character!"
"She might not be fictional!" I protested.
"And I might sprout wings and live amongst the gryphons." Grosso replied dismissively.
I let my hooves fall into my lap. The song I'd written would never get played by the Royal Orchestra at this rate. If only I could convince...
Grosso's assistant came in and handed over a note. Accepting it with his magic, Grosso read it and snorted. "Well, here's your chance, Glissando. Princess Celestia has just arrived and wants to see you for a private performance."
"Princess Celestia asked what?" I asked, incredulous.
"A private concert. You will use my room." Maestro Grosso said. "The acoustics there are more conducive to a small performance. She is already there; they have set up your harp as well. Don't keep her waiting."
Nodding to the guard at the door, I entered the maestro's room cautiously. Celestia's back was to me. I cleared my throat, trying to get her attention. I didn't know much about Courtly Manners, but I knew that she had to speak first.
When that failed, I politely coughed into my hoof.
When that failed, I slowly walked around to see if she'd fallen asleep. My breath hitched in my throat as she turned to face me. I bowed.
"Don't bow to me." She insisted.
I looked up. "My apologies, Your Highness, I--"
"Don't apologize either." She said simply. I looked up at her curiously. "If I'm right, you won't be thanking me tonight." She said.
My thoughts were stirred and wouldn't settle. "What--"
Again, she interrupted. "Your instrument belongs to the Royal Orchestra, correct?"
"Yes, Your Highness." I answered.
"Celestia." She corrected.
"Yes, Celestia." I replied.
"It is an old instrument, is it not?" She asked.
"To the best of my understanding, yes." I said, confused at this line of questioning.
"Pardon me," She began as she stood. I made to bow again before I caught myself. "There were many like it, I believe?"
"Yes, Celestia." I said, thinking back to when I chose the instrument. Although others were newer, none sounded like the ebony-colored beauty I'd picked out.
Celestia crossed to the harp in question. Passing a hoof over the instrument, I could swear it glowed for a moment. "I once knew a mare who loved hearing this play. There are only a few instruments like this one. They are chosen only once in a lifetime. The ponies who play them come from various backgrounds, but they all have one thing in common." She turned to face me again.
"What is that?" I asked.
She looked grim. "Play for me. If the answer doesn't present itself, then I must apologize for taking your time." She crossed back to her cushion and sat.
Stepping forward, I took my place on my stool. Checking the strings, I contented myself on their sound and looked to Celestia. "What would you like to hear, Celestia? I know quite a few tunes from memory."
"Play something from your heart." She instructed.
I looked at the sheet music I'd brought with to the Maestro's office downstairs. Deciding to be bold, I set it on the nearby music stand and sat down. Shaking my head, I felt a slight tingle as I leaned the harp against my shoulder. Time seemed to pause as I began to play, as if the world held its breath. When I finished the song, my hooves continued, playing on to a melody that started out sweet and became increasingly bitter and heart-wrenching.
Each note reverberated through me, unleashing memories of hundreds of years of loneliness and regret. My own memories, I realized, from past lives. From before the banishment of my true love, Princess Luna, until now. My fascination with Nightmare Moon made sense at last. The taste of victory of knowing she was real turned into ash as I realized she was far out of my reach. I settled my harp back into standing position and wiped the tears away with one hoof.
Everything connected to something I did in a past life. It was disorienting. Something felt incredibly wrong. Within a moment, I realized that it was because Luna was missing. I added up the years before realizing how agonizingly close I was. There was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't live to see my love back in Equestria. Looking up at Princess Celestia I spoke, my voice wavering. "Why?"
Celestia sat on her cushion in the maestro's room. I could clearly see Luna in my mind, but the moment passed. Celestia's expression spoke of her own sadness and remorse. "I've been asking myself that question since I banished her. When did it all start? Why didn't I see the signs? What if I'd listened to you, or to her? But I didn't. I foolishly believed that she would work through this; all she needed was time to herself."
I shook my head. "No, why do you keep bringing me these memories? Every generation, a pony is doomed to live alone."
"You'd be doomed to live alone anyway; you just wouldn't know why." She answered. Her words brought up the memory of the lifetime she'd waited until much later to tell me. The lives prior to that ended in one form of suicide or another. "I try my hardest for you, in any lifetime. Most times it's not enough."
"Why didn't you banish me too?" I asked, speaking around the lump in my throat. The question was one I knew my past selves asked, but I couldn't help myself. It was as if the sadness was squeezing the life out of me. I understood the pain of a millenia.
"I didn't think you'd survive the experience. You're not an alicorn like she is." She admitted. "Once every lifetime, we go through this, Harper."
I stood, shakily. I crossed to the Ruler of Equestria and stared her down. Like flashes in my head, I saw memories of yelling, crying, hugging and even slapping her. I could see those memories playing out in her head as well and she stood firm, ready to accept whatever treatment I gave her. "Not for very mush longer. What do you plan on doing when the stars aid in her escape?"
She shrugged. "I've been teaching students, each one more promising than the last. Eventually, I will find one or even a group to wield the elements and drive away the darkness inside her."
I walked away, bitterness in my heart as I realized I'd never have a chance at love with the one pony that needed it most. "I hope that works."
She responded so quietly I wasn’t sure she'd even spoken. "Me too."
Stopping at the door, I turned to look over my shoulder. "Don't worry, I won't be another suicide this time. I'll carry this soul as long as I can so that my next life won't have to wait as long."
She nodded. "That is very noble of you. I wish..."
I cut her off, I didn't want any of her well-wishes. "You'll understand if this is the last I see of you."
"I always do." She replied numbly.
"Good." I said harshly, and left.
