We lay our scene in Equestria on the eve of Hearth's Warming Day, a time of snow, care and friendship. You will never find a more loving hive of happiness and joy. It was almost bewildering that the ponies were capable of sharing more love and kindness than they were used to. But that is the magic of the season, every feeling one has is strengthened tenfold.
Of these ponies strolling through the frostbitten air of Ponyville is a stallion of medium size clad in a suit and winter jacket. His coat was a oakwood brown and that offset his cutie mark of a old school performance microphone. His mane was perfectly coiffured, his stubble neatly trimmed to have the appearance of a messy scruff and his voice was like the sweetest honey from a bugbear hive.
"Ha ha ha. Well thank you for the humble introductions ol' pally," the stallion chortled under the snow, "but let me take it from here. Good evening fillies and gentlecolts, my name is Mikey Bubbly. That humble narrator ran out of charisma and asked if he could borrow some of mine. It is the giving season isn't it?"
"Tussle my mane, Mr Bubbly!" Dinky Hooves asks.
"It's what I do kid kiddo." He smiled, rubbing a hooful of sparkles through her mane. "Yes, I love the Hearths Warming season. The colorful decorations, the snow crunching under your hooves, the presents, the love. Any cliche of the season you can count me a part of it. It's the most wonderful time of the year, but I wouldn't just take my word for it."
He approached a stallion of similar size but he was dressed in only a shirt, red tie and tattered suit jacket. "Hello sir and a Happy-"
The stallion's head exploded in a ball of- "HEARTH'S WARMING!!!!!"
Slightly singed, Bubbly falters from the pony's over enthusiasm. "Well he's certainly in the spirit. And the snow. And the... store front. Anyway, as into the spirit of the holidays as a lot of us are, and disturbingly obsessed the rest of them are, not everypony can join in the cheer. For one reason or another a pony don't feel the same way."
The host follows a train of six ponies of an assortment of colors trade small talk. An alicorn princess, a farmer, a daredevil, a seamstress, a gentle soul and a Pinkie Pie walk into a bakery where they sit. The pink one set to making hot cocoas for each of them.
"It's not something to be upset about, but something to understand. So let's share our time to understand why one of these mares isn't really feeling the joy of-"
"What are you talking about?"
Mikey looks at the cerulean pony, confused. He didn't expect her to be listening.
"Of course I'm listening, slosh for brains. You're talking out loud with your outdoor voice about things you don't know. We all enjoy Hearth's Warming. And I'm clearly a sky blue." The azure one said defensively.
Bubbly's bubble popped. "What?"
The butter yellow pegasus spoke up. "Um yeah. We're all about Hearth's Warming."
The fashionable stallion had no words. Except- "So none of you have any problem with Hearth's Warming?"
"No, we love it. Best time of the year." Spoke the alicorn.
"Okay. I don't think you understand how this works; every year there is always somepony who has an issue with something holiday related. Maybe their families are too loud or there isn't enough snowflakes in their coffee-"
"Not enough snowflakes?!" The pink one from behind the counter shrieked. Bubbly momentarily unnerved by her face paint. Those trees over her eyes looked like a violent wintery glare. He would see those rosy cheeks in his night terrors tonight.
"-uh, yes. So my duties as the able bodied narrator is to bestow unto you a lesson so you don't feel so grouch face for no reason."
"Well you ain't gonna find it here, city boy."
Bubbly's ears drooped a little. "Oh... um, okay. I'll uh... go I guess."
The stallion took his leave, an offered sparkling soda left untouched. A gust of snow mingled wind forced the door He trotted out the offered door and hugged his jacket close to him. He hung his head so low his mane was dragged into the snow. His slouch was of a low pony, a pony who's felt an over encompassing sense of disappointment not felt since... uh... hey are you alright there Mikey Mike?
"Hmmm? Oh yeah I'm- well I could feel a little better pally. All I'd really like to do is have a proper Hearth's Warming special. There is a formula to these kind of things, ya know? Some pony is being a holiday sourpuss because A Hearth's Warming Carol and then they learn the true value of Hearth's Warming and a happy new year! But how can I have a special if there is no one to teach a lesson to? Everything is so peechy keen perfect in this town who in the namesake of the moon is there to teach?!"
Okay okay. I think there is a way I can help you.
He goes out bugging ponies because there is no Christmas drama because Equestria is surprisingly perfect.
Baby It's Cold Outside but not nearly as rape soundy.
What's in this drink?
"It's actually a mix of Celestia's Burning Sun, nog and cherry soda. I think I'm so drunk I'm just putting stuff in a glass just cause it's not in my belly."
"It's stronger than what I'm used to. Not bad though."
It's up to your knees out there.
"No it's not. It's at worst a mild smattering, not a snow in."
"Oh. Well, I have been drinking."
"So I'll see you tomorrow?"
Talks to another character.
"Hearth's Warming? I'm Jewish! I get eight candles, a driedal and a new pair of slacks every year. I'll be as fucking grouchy as I please you Hitler sympathizer!"
"Every pony in the Crystal Empire liked Hearth's Warming, but the King who lived just north, did not."
The shadowy King Sombra stood on a mountain being beaten by the persistent winds and butchering snow. The land between the Empire and Yakyakistan were always like this but Sombra didn't feel the cold. He was the cold, he was shadow, he was darkness embodied.
"Hey, who's hosting here?" Mikey barked.
Sorry.
"Sombra hated Heath's Warming! The whole Hearth's Warming season! Now don't ask why, no pony know quite the reason. It could be his boots where too tight."
What do his shoes have to do with his hatred of a holiday?
"It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right."
Well he doesn't really have a physical body anymore. He's mostly just a fog of pollution with a face.
"But I think the reason more likely than the rest was that he had no heart inside of his chest. But if his shoes were too small or his heart was bent, Sombra stood there on Hearth's Warming Eve, hating the malcontent. Staring down from his cave with a sour, darkened frown at the warm lightened homes below in the town."
"You really shouldn't speak for other ponies."
Bubbly Butt's words petered out, Sombra had spoken and the temperature dropped another fifty degrees.
"Um... s-s-s-sorry, your dark m-m-m-majesty."
"If you must project disliking the holidays onto someone, please let that someone not be me."
Mikey balked. "Don't tell me..."
The shadow king shrugged. "It's a special time of year."
"You cannot be serious!"
"I'm always serious about Hearth's Warming."
He brings Bubbly to a cave where a small gathering of monsters and other hellspawns have come together. There's what looks like a Wampa, some yeti/baboon thing they call Snowbutt Mctwinkles, an ogre, a giant mantis changeling (they keep her behind glass) even a Grinch. What was a Grinch? Is it like a gremlin? Or an evergreen yeti?
One more guest shows up, something so unspeakably terrifying this author can't even describe it.
"Sombra, what's dat?" Mikey asks, afraid of the answer.
"That's a monster like none your peasant eyes have seen."
"It looks like the unspoken horrors out of M.A Hatecraft's asshole."
"No, that guy looks like the unspoken horrors out of M.A Hatecraft's asshole."
The sight Mikey Bubbly didn't dare look at has been replaced with a scene transition. Trust us, it's for the best.
Mikey ends up retreating to Sugarcube Corner trying to get drunk on family friendly sparkling milk when Derpy shows up. Dinky still has the sparkles in her mane. Derpy invites him to the where the rest of the town is gonna be; the Hearth's Warming party at Twilight's Castle. Even the piano pony with the bread in his jar.
Mikey follows and finds the whole town there all carefree and gay. Lyra and Bon Bon were there too.
Don't you think you learned something?
"Well, I guess I learned that maybe things are okay. I guess I got so focused on what I was familiar with that I didn't stop to look at what was happening. Everything was fine, the Holidays are still here and nobody's trying to stop it."
So he did what he did best; he sung.
