Nerds of Pen And Paper

by theponywiththegoldenhelm

Rating: mature
Tags: Anthro, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Adventure, Sex
Length: 3061

Three Outcasts. Three types. Three new bodies. A D20, and many questions. What happens with three nerds from different backgrounds play D&D, and find out that fantasy became reality?

Issac "Overseer" Clayton, Bill "Nye" Korrigan, and Connor "Salvador" Mahoney were nerds in their respective fields. The gamer, the science geek, the artist. They decide to try something different, Dungeons and Dragons. During the first session, all hell breaks loose as glyphs engulf them. Who knew a natural twenty could cause so much trouble?

Published 2015-12-26 17:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-27 06:50:59 UTC

We Three Idiots

A few minutes earlier...

Discord and Fluttershy were walking though the Everfree Forrest, attempting for find some natural foods for Fluttershy's animals.

"Tell me again, please. Why can't I just create the food you need?"
"W-well, um, Discord, the food doesn't, um, have the same nutrition or taste that the animals need."
"Still wish it would be fine. Do you want anything? I'm in the mood for something."
"I-It's fine. I don't want anything."
"Alright." Discord said snapping his finger. Nothing happened as a result. He stopped dead in his tracks. Fluttershy continued to walk forward until she realized Discord had stopped following.
"Are you okay?" She asked timidly.
"I'm not sure. I should have a glass of chocolate milk in my hand right now. But nothing happened."
"W-w-what is the problem then?"
"This is chaos magic we are talking about here! If something I wanted to happen didn't happen, something is wrong."
"I REGRET EVERYTHING! I REGRET EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE!" A blinding flash followed the noise.

Discord is blinded. Once he regains his vision, he attempts to make his way towards the sound, only to find him not moving. Looking down, he finds Fluttershy grasping his leg.
Picking her up, he says to her, "Go back home, I'll deal with this." She nods her head and flies toward her cottage. He runs toward to noise and sees a thing on the ground. It groans.
"Help..." was all it said. Discord picked it up and made his way back to Fluttershy's cottage.

A few minutes earlier, at the Golden Oaks Library...
"SPIKE!"
"Yes, Twilight?" Said Spike in a sarcastic tone.
"I need Star Swirl's notes on teleportation."
"They're where you left them, on your podium."
"Thank you, Spike!" Twilight called. She walked over to the podium and looked over the spell. "Okay, let's try this."

Her horn then glows with the usual. She then feels the magic dissipate. Her confusion turns to worry as multi colored runes engulf the middle of the library.
"SPIKE!"
"What now, TwiLIGHT!?" Spike yelled, surprised by the magic in the room.
BANG
A small explosion happens, leaving a rainbow of colored burn marks.
"I leave for not three minutes, and THIS happens!" Spike says while coughing up smoke.
"I didn't know this would happen!" Twilight venomously replied.

"My ears. Loud. Owwww." A voice said. A hefty thud followed and reverberated thought the library.
Twilight and Spike simply looked at each other with wide eyes, between the voice and each other.
"WE KILLED SOMEPONY!"

A few minutes earlier at Canterlot Castle...
"Good morning, Luna!" Celestia said beaming.
Only a semi-loud murmur was heard in response from the blanket walking the halls.
"Well, somepony is not a morning pony."

The blanket turns around appears to glare at the tall white alicorn and continues it's walk. It walks to a set of very large, oak doors, painted with vivid dark blues. Two guards in shining purple armor stood at attention as the plush phantom walked though the doors and up the stairs.

As she reached her bedroom, a strange noise happened and a strange creature appeared and collapsed. Staring at it, a blue glow engulfed it and sat it in a chair within a corner of the room. The blanket finally found rest on a large bed muttering to itself...
"Mhhhh...too tired for this...shit..."

Isaac Meet the Powerful Force of Chaos

Isaac's POV

Well, here I am. I must be dead. I was engulfed in the universe's power and was vaporized. That must be it. There is no other reason. Well, let's take a good look at Hell or wherever I am. I attempt to open my eyes but before I make them, my left eye opens and a bright light shines into it. Compared to the dark abyss I was just in, it was painful. I cringed hard enough with my body, it must have looked like a seizure or spasm.

"Good. You're awake." Somebody said. By god it was cute. So tiny and adorable.

"Well, it's better than being dead." I replied "Where a..." I trailed off when I saw what had talked.

By ye gods, what doth hath appeared before I? It was this short horse pony thing, probably about five foot. She had on this yellow sweater and some sweat pants. She had butter yellow fur, hooves for feet, and these giant eyes, with vibrant blue eyes. Gazing downward, my brain only though one thing. Sweet jimmany jumping Jesus Batman! Look at those things! Must be at least at least a K! How do they fit in that sweater?! Oh, she has wings. SHE HAS WINGS! What is the place!?

"Um, where you, um going to say something?" She said blushing heavily.

Shit shit SHIT! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! I never though I would actually hear a klaxon in my fucking head.
"Uh, sorry. My brain completely shut down there. Where am I?"
"In my cottage. In, uh, Equestria."

Okay. Not even in the same world now probably.
"You are correct."

Who said that?!
"I did."

Slowing turning around, I saw a pair of yellow eyes with red irises. So I did the natural human reaction.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" I yelled jumping back. Unfortunately, there was no ground, about a foot back. There were stairs.
"AH. SHIT. FUCK. PISS. DICK. AHH. FUCK. OW. YOU!" I would have continued, if there was more stairs. Fortunately, I landed on my back, so I was able to get a good look at whatever the fuck demon that was. It was tall, about 7 feet. He was just this amalgamation of parts, like some scientist got a hold of a platypus and made it even weirder. Thing had wings too. When do I get wings?! They say clothes make the man. Well, the clothes make the demonic platypus. It wore these checkered pants and jacket with a white undershirt. Wait, now it's blue. Now there's a scarf. What the hell? Do I have brain damage?!

"No you don't. It's the chaos magic changing them constantly. Now, why don't you get off the floor and sit down?" At least he was nice.

Getting up off the floor, I walked over to a wicker chair and sat down. Damn, this is comfy! I could die in this thing.
"So..." I was never one to start conversation.
"Well, welcome to Equestria! I'm Discord and I'll be your guide! But first..." He said jovially. I blinked and he swapped to a detective outfit. complete with magnifying glass. "What were you doing before you came here?" He tone turned very inquisitive.
"Well, I was playing D&D with my friends when I got up to go piss. For fun, I decided to say 'Hey! Look at me! I roll to teleport', rolled a d20, got a critical hit and all of a sudden, BOOM, shit goes down."
"That would explain a lot. Must have been a intervention with the Butterfly theory."
"Wait, wait, wait. Isn't that like Chaos theory or some shit?"
"Well, Since I am a chaos entity, I would hope that I know quite a bit about it!" I put my hands up on either side of my head and shook them.
"Well anyway, what I am thinking here is that the pure probably of the dice with a magical use could create a unstable infusion if combined with a teleportation use."
"I'm not Nye. Speak English!" I said. I was never the best at science, let alone a professional field with real magic! Discord simply pinched his fore head.
"Teleportation plus dice plus large magical power equals Resonance Cascade."
"Thank you."
"Well, we should try to find your friends. I don't know where to look though." Discord poof-ed a chair from nowhere and sat smoking a pipe.

"We should go to Twilight..." The yellow pony said, trailing off. Damn, she quiet. Totally forgot about her. Then it struck me. I don't even know her name!
"I just realized. Where are my manners?" I said looking to Discord and the yellow pony. "I'm Isaac Clayton. Pleasure to meet you both."
"As I said before, Discord."
"Fluttershy."
"Nice to meet you." Jesus Honeydew Christ, what a name to fit a person...pony...thing.

"Now then. Let's head there!" Discord snapped his fingers and we were suddenly outside a tree with a door. Then I heard the second most wonderful thing today.

"YOU SET MY ASS ON FIRE!"

Bill Meets the Powerful Force of OCD

Bill's POV

I have no idea what just happened and I kinda don't want to know for once. Well, I don't feel dead. Well, let's start by opening my eyes. Open. Open. OPEN DAMMIT! There we go. Now the neck. Good, It's not broken. Let's lean up. Oh merciful sweet Mary, what is that!? It's got hooves, and it's purple, and it's got a horn. It's wearing a skirt with a weird star on it and a button up shirt. Speaking of shirt, how the hell do those jugs of her's fit into that damn thing. Looks like it's ready to bust out any moment. She keeping walking around in a circle, about a foot into the ground! How the hell do you wear out wood flooring like that! Following her, is about four foot three I would guess. Whatever it is, it's about a foot and a half shorter than her. It has a tail, it's probably a lizard or something. It's got these purple scales and this strange fringe or spines or something in a green color. Conner would know the exact color probably. He's wearing some khaki shorts and a hoodie. It seems they haven't noticed me and I just noticed them talking.

"What am I going to do Spike?! What if he doesn't wake up?!" She said worriedly.
"Twilight, STOP!" The small person thing yelled.
"What Spike?"
"I need to replace the flooring and I can't do it with you in it."
"What are you talking about?" Twilight said, putting her hands on her hips. Spike simply pointed down. "Oh."

She climbed out and began to float books covered in a glowing purple aura. What the hell!? How's she doing that? Probably some good smoke and mirrors. Magic is cool but scientifically bullshit. I can see some of them have a red cross on them while Spike, what an ironic name, is fixing the floor expertly. I guess it happens a lot. Look at the backside, all I can say is damn. I more of an ass man and this gal has a ass you could bounce cannonballs off.

"Spike, I'm going to try and heal the creature. Can you fetch it's clothes in case it works."

Spike gave a look of complete and utter annoyance. The kind of face that says 'There is not enough fucks to give in my universe to deal with you." He just walks off. It was at this point, I now notice the breeze. There's no was I can sneak, so I just sit there. She turns around and sees me sitting up. We just look at each other. We both probably look like balloons for Christ's sake with all the blush!

"Well, this is awkward."
"Yep..."
"TWILIGHT!" Spike yelled.
"Yes,Spike?" Twilight said loudly.
"I can't find his clothes. They're not where you left them." I stared incredulously at her.
"I pass out for, what, three hours and this happens."
"Never mind, I found them."
"I redact my previous statement." Spike reenters with my clothes.
"Oh, you awake finally. I don't need to fix anymore floors." This reptile's got sass.
"Spike! You know how I worry about things!"
"You obviously don't worry about the floors." He's not the only one with witty comebacks. He walks over and holds up his hand.
"I demand the highest of fives." He says. I high five him. Him and I are going to get along just fine. "Anything you need man?"
"My pants at the very least." He hand over my clothes. "Where's the bathroom, Ms. Twilight?"
"Twilight will be fine. It's the first door on the left."
"Thank you." I put my underwear on and walked to the bathroom.

I got dressed in my clothes I had on. My blue jeans, my grey shirt that says 'According to Chemistry, Alcohol is a solution!', and my socks and sneakers. Walking out, Twilight was sitting on the bed, writing something down on a clipboard. I started to talk as I looked over onto the clipboard.

"So, where am...what are you doing?"
"You wouldn't understand."
"Try me." I said with a cocky grin.
"Well, I'm trying to find some chemicals within the brain that induce happiness for the Canterlot Science Facility."
"Well, I can name three at the moment." Twilight, just widened her purple eyes, damn, just realized how big they are, and just turned her head to stare at me, mouth wide opened. I took her jaw and pushed it up.
"You'll catch insects like that."
"How? This is the newest of fields in Equestria!" She said, jumping to her feet, er, hooves.
"Equestria, that's where I am." I said, not really paying attention. I shook my head and answered Twilight. "I guess this, Equestria, isn't as scientifically advanced as Earth."
"What's Earth?" Twilight said, her ears flattening.

Whatever was left of my mind shattered. She doesn't know what Earth is. I don't know how I got here. I may never get home. I guess that was the final nail in the coffin for my psyche. I began to laugh crazily to my self. I'm going insane.

"ACHOO! Excuse me." I turned around and saw my ass consumed in a green flame. I sat down and began to drag my butt down the small set of stairs near the door and yelled as I did this the best words my mind could create at the top of my lungs.

"YOU SET MY ASS ON FIRE!"

Luckily the fire was easily extinguished. In walked a butter colored pony thing and a weird thing I can't really describe. Between the two was Isaac. I looked to Twilight, then Spike, the the trio and said words well spoken again.

"Let's not speak of this event again, agreed?"
"Agreed."
"Agreed man."
"Ditto that."
"I don't like promises, but that I can agree to."
"S-s-sure"

Author's Note

Hello. To those who may have read "Could you repeat that? Equestria?!", I am sad to say it's cancelled. It was a good concept, but poorly executed and I lost a lot of interest for a while with school and such. I will soon take it down but I give full permission to use the original idea to create a better story. I hope this one will take better form from that one and someone can create a much well written story compared to my writing. If anyone wants to help write or proof read or whatever for this story, message me and I will help work something out. On a side note, I do voice acting in my spare time, and I was cast for a great idea with awesome people working with it. I would like you all to check out the teaser trailer of "Mediocre Adventures of Teenagers". The two guys heading are great people and are practically animating the entire series themselves. It would be awesome if you guys check it out. Thanks for reading!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYk5w95qgZo&feature=youtu.be

What the Crit?!

It was November 27th, 2015. The sky was cloudy with small streams of sunlight shining though. The wind blows softly though the trees, colored with a multitude of reds, browns, and oranges. In a small, red, Arlington, Virgina home however, things are going to get imaginably bloody.

"I roll to stab the orc."
"What's your agility?"
"7."
"Roll a d20."

Within a dark, damp, cave "The Overseer", Crukul Graveltoes, and Belkul Armorsmith played their parts in an attack.. Crukul, the gnome rouge, decided to sneak around and kill a watchman while Belkul, the human wizard, quietly surveyed the area.

"17."
"Okay, that's a hit...What's your weapon damage and strength?"
"My daggers are two d6 plus 2 total and my strength is 4."
"Okay, roll those dice and add your strength and half your strength to the result."
"Okay. 3 plus 1 and 5 plus 1 plus 6 is 16."
"Adding in the multiplier for your sneak attack, you stab the orc though the heart and the neck, killing and silencing him."
"Sweet."

After a few more rounds, the orcs are cleared out. Blood lines the floor and flows in the cracks.
DING DONG
"Pizza's here! I'll get it." Isaac says. He then gets up and walks up the stair to the front door.
Bill takes a drink and looks over at Connor while he does the same.
"Luck of the Irish, eh?" Bill says while pointing at Connor fiery hair.
"Don't make me steal your soul." Connor deadpans. "At least I didn't piss off a wizard."
"Aren't I doing that right now? At least I didn't fail three times in a row with ones."
"Don't kill each other right now. Blood's a bitch to clean out of this carpet." Isaac says while coming down the stairs with 3 pizzas.

Opening their pizzas, they decided to take a break from the campaign.
"So, what was that new project you were working on Conner?" Bill asked.
"I decided to paint a picture of the Ireland Coastline." Conner says.

Isaac walks over to table as the others talk and picks up a d20.
"Hey guys, look at this! I roll to teleport!" The other look at him
The dice tumbles at lands on 20.
"Critical hit!" Isaac fist pumps and continues to walk, until he hits something.

"What the hell?" He puts a hand in front of him, but it stops half way.
"What's that at your feet, man?!" Conner points at the ground.
Isaac looks down to find a quartet of color and symbols.

"Uhh..." Both Isaac and Conner look at Bill and see the same thing happening to him.

The runes begin to glow brighter and brighter until it's as if the room had a sun in it. A strange loud noise is heard and only one other thing can be heard with it.
"I REGRET EVERYTHING! I REGRET EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE!"