Fact and Fiction and Santa Hooves
Cheerilee read the letter lying on her desk, headed with the imposing logo of the Equestrian Ministry of Education.
Dear Ponyville Schoolteacher
This letter is to inform you that at the last meeting of the Council of Schools, the Curriculum Committee has voted to introduce an additional item to the Equestrian Elementary School Curriculum. This reads:
4.3.2.8 Fiction and Non-fiction. All foals should understand the difference between what is fact, and what is fiction. This includes understanding the fictional nature of stories and the ability to correctly catalogue books as either fiction or non-fiction.
You are expected to adapt your teaching to include this new requirement.
Yours sincerely
Clear Cut
Minister for Education
At this time of year, most ponies would have finished a letter with a friendly greeting such as Wishing you the best for the festive season. However Cheerilee knew better than to expect this from the Ministry. After first checking that none of her foals were looking, she pulled a face. How did the Ministry expect her to do this? These stupid bureaucrats had not the slightest idea what young children were like. Had they never set hoof in a classroom themselves?
However, she knew that she had to at least make a nominal effort to comply. The Ministry could inspect the school and audit her teaching plans at any point.
It was the last day of school before the break for Hearth’s Warming. Her class were not doing any difficult schoolwork, but were drawing pictures, making decorations and cards, and chatting with their friends. She could hear Diamond Tiara talking to Silver Spoon.
“—so this year, the pile of presents in our house is so high you can barely see the tree. Daddy must have spent at least a million bits on it. And we have flashing fairy lights all around the edge of the house. And—”
The teacher walked across the room to a bookshelf and pulled off all the books, letting them fall to the floor. She then took a pencil in her mouth and labelled the shelves ‘Fiction’ and ‘Non-fiction’. When ready, she stomped a hoof and called her class over.
“Okay everypony. Let’s play a little game with the books. We’re going to put all the books which are fiction—that is the books which are telling a story which somepony has made up—on one shelf. Then all the books which are non-fiction—that is, the books describing true facts—on the other shelf. Who wants to start?”
“Ooo—me! Me!” Little Noi—an earth pony filly with a pale golden coat—jumped forward excitedly and pick up a book in her mouth. “It’s my favourite! The story of Flutterella—it’s about a little filly who wants to go to the ball—but she can’t ‘cause her horseshoes don’t fit—or something—but then a fairy pony gives her a pretty dress and some magic shoes so she can go—and—and there’s something about a pumpkin—and then she becomes a princess at the end!”
“So is that fiction or is it non-fiction?” asked Cheerilee. “Is it a story which someone made up? Or is it something which actually happened?”
Noi considered this. “It’s a story,” she concluded. “To become a princess in real life you have to be brainy and study super hard like Princess Twilight.”
“Very good.” Cheerilee took the copy of Flutterella and placed it on the Fiction shelf. “Who wants to go next?”
A little lavender filly with a turquoise mane stepped forward with a copy of Elements of Euclopian Geometry. “This has to be non-fiction. It’s so boring no one would ever make it into a story.”
“That’s right Aura.” Cheerilee shelved the book. “This one is non-fiction. Now can somepony find another fiction book?”
The foals all played along nicely selecting the books one by one, and each time they had a short discussion about whether it was fiction or fact. Pipsqueak selected The Adventures of Hoofbeard the Pirate, which it was decided was fiction. Sweetie Belle offered the Concise Equestrian Dictionary, which was shelved as non-fiction. The shelves soon began to fill up. Cheerilee was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly the exercise was going. She wondered if any of the foals would notice that all the fiction titles had red stickers on the spines, while the non-fiction books were marked by green stickers—a labelling system common to all pony schools using Ministry approved stickers. As in all educational matters, the Ministry had the final say as to what was a story, and what was fact.
Some titles, however, proved more difficult to classify.
“This one’s non-fiction.” Scootaloo came forwards with a copy of Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny. “It’s all about the adventure which Daring Do and Rainbow Dash had where they battled with Dr Caballeron and Ahuizotl and how they escape from the Fortress of Talacon and saved the world and—”
“That’s just a story,” said Silver Spoon. “So it goes on the fiction shelf.”
“No. It’s what really happened! Rainbow Dash told me—she was there—see!” Scootaloo thumped a hoof on the illustration of Rainbow Dash on the book cover.
“Don’t believe everything that Rainbow Dash says. Everyone knows that the Daring Do books are fiction.”
Cheerilee had enjoyed many conversations with Twilight Sparkle about A.K. Yearling, therefore she could see Scootaloo’s point. But Silver Spoon was right—the Daring Do collection were all labelled with red stickers. She was fairly sure that neither the Ministry nor A.K. Yearling’s publisher would approve a reclassification. She beckoned Scootaloo over to her side, then bent down and whispered into her ear, “This is a special sort of fiction, we call it secret fiction as the fact that it is true is a secret.”
Scootaloo seemed to like this explanation. The book was placed on the top shelf with the other red stickers.
Scootaloo then returned with another favourite book. “But this one is real non-fiction.” She held up a book simply entitled The Sonic Rainboom. “It tells you everything about Rainbow Dash’s sonic rainboom. The history, the science—everything. With full colour illustrations!”
Cheerilee agreed that the sonic rainboom was official non-fiction. The shelves were nearly full now when Apple Bloom came forward with a copy of The Night Before Hearth’s Warming. Cheerilee noted the red sticker on the side and chided herself for having not seen this one coming.
“This one’s non-fiction,” said Apple Bloom. “It tells all about Santa Hooves and how he lives at the North Pole, and delivers presents to fillies and colts every Hearth’s Warming Eve. How he gets into your house down the chimney, and how he has a list of all children saying whether you’ve been naughty or nice and if you’ve been naughty then you just get a piece of coal.”
“That’s non-fiction,” agreed Sweetie Belle. “It’s what actually happens, so it’s not a story.”
The rest of the class nodded in agreement. Cheerilee let her eyes switch between their faces and the red sticker.
“Err—actually this one is fiction—” she began. The foals looked at her with astonishment.
“How come?” asked Apple Bloom. “But Santa Hooves must be real or where do all the presents come from?”
“Well—” Cheerilee made a decision. It was time these foals learned the truth about Santa Hooves. “The story isn’t entirely true. You see—I’ve known a lot of foals over many years. Many of them were nice, but some of them were naughty. Some of them were very naughty. But Santa always delivered presents to all of them. I’ve never known anypony receive a lump of coal.”
The foals were all quiet. Genuinely shocked that their schoolteacher could contradict the version of the truth which had been repeated to them so many times. But none of them could challenge Cheerilee’s empirical evidence. “The truth is that this is just a story that parents tell to little foals. But Santa is actually so nice that he delivers presents to all children even if they don’t deserve it.”
