Underneath the Mistletoe

One Year. A leap year, at that.

It had been three hundred sixty six days since that pony cursed him with this...

On Christmas Eve, he had wished for a night with Princess Celestia. And she granted that wish. And with that, she gifted him with the ability to please her properly. But not all gifts are blessings.

It was the best sex he'd ever had. And now, it looked like it would likely be the last time. Any man who wishes to be hung like a horse has clearly never thought about the reality of such a state. It had been 366 days since Princess Celestia had given him a stallion's penis in place of his own. And he used it to please her. Thoroughly!

"Keep it until the next time," her note said.

"See you next time," her sister's note read. New Year's Eve came and went. And so did New Year's Day. Princess Luna made no appearance. And his enormous penis remained. It, along with the notes and feathers were evidence that he wasn't dreaming that night, or crazy. It really happened. But it seemed now that this was the sort of trickery a mortal encountered when making deals with magical creatures they barely understood.

He grumbled, leaning over the toilet as he relieved his bladder. It practically hung into the bowl. His on-again off-again girlfriend was now, most definitely off, in a permanent way. I mean, imagine telling someone that a then-fictional pony princess, did then, one night materialize in your own living room and had mind-blowing sex with you? The only evidence there-of being the grotesque abomination hanging between your legs. The prior sounding crazy, and the latter, terrifying.

Even when he had prepared her, she could not handle the sight. She did not share his affinity for equine anatomy. And even if she had, the prospect of continuing their sexual relationship was physically nigh-impossible. She was not at all about to do the required 'stretching' to accommodate his new form. And to make matters worse, he hadn't been able to bring himself to climax since Christmas Eve, despite his very best solo efforts. His paltry human hands were simply not enough. It was agonizing. And it was beginning to look as though the only solution would be to actually seek out a mare of this world.

For all of his fantasy of pastel ponies in sexual situations, the reality of having sex with a horse from his world genuinely disgusted him. But it had been a year since he'd last had an orgasm. It was the longest he'd ever gone without one since he had first 'discovered himself' during puberty. It wasn't even Lent and he had gone more than forty days without that which he desired most. He would have sooner given up drinking water. But as desperate as he had become, he was not about to raid a ranch stable... Yet.

Romantic relationships aside, every aspect of his life became more difficult. It was like trying to go about one's daily life with a Pringles can strapped to your inner thigh with a couple of tennis balls at the base. Mere walking was a Herculean task in pants. After an awkward trip in sweatpants to a niche clothing shop, his new kilt was getting a lot of mileage. He was grateful that, at least, he was able to work from home for his job.

But worst of all... worst of all, his hobby suffered. Not the habitually-jacking-off one, the other one. His writing suffered. The only other thing in this world that made him happy aside from sex, or even the five-knuckle-shuffle, was his writing. He had cooked up a good one too, after his night with Princess Celestia herself. But there it remained, half-written in his computer, without ending. His anticipation, and subsequent disappointment in Princess Luna's arrival, coupled with his physical predicament, left him depressed.

He washed his hands and walked out of his bathroom, pants-less. Full commando was as comfortable as he could be. Although it meant keeping his heating bill higher than he would have liked. The winter brought with it, earlier darkness. It was barely six in the evening, and it looked no different from midnight outside. He got dressed and headed out.

He had signed up for a speed dating event. He didn't seek a partner for physical needs any longer. He had given up on that dream. He wanted only companionship for the coming holiday season.

He sat across from several lovely women. All of whom were surprised to hear him explain that he was seeking a strictly platonic relationship.

"Are you just shy?"

"No."

"Are you still a virgin?"

"No."

"Are you gay?"

"What? No!"

After a short while, several of the others seemed to be hitting it off rather well. Meanwhile, he just sat there by himself with his head in his hands.

"Twenty seven?" A girl asked. He looked up. She was an average height, slim, punk-girl with greenish-blue eyes and pale skin. Her long hair was dyed electric blue, held back with a black head-band. It moved and waved in the wind of the air vent she was standing under. She was wearing a navy-blue tank top with a biker jacket. Her black high-top Converse sneakers and striped knee socks did more to cover her lower half than her tiny skirt did.

"What?"

"Are you number twenty seven?" she asked again. He had slumped over the number tag on his table.

"Yeah," he groaned, pushing the crumpled tag out from under him.

"I'm Lena," she said, sitting down across from him. He introduced himself to her without enthusiasm, and made the usual introductory small talk. "You sick of this place too?" she asked. He gave her a surprised look.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I can obviously tell that you don't want to be here," she said.

"Oh, sorry."

"Don't apologize. I don't really want to be here either," she said.

"So why are you here then?"

"I was bored," she said as she twiddle her hair with her finger. "Seemed like fun. But these guys just seem to only want one thing. And I just know I would be disappointed."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I mean, come on, don't act like it isn't what you want too," she said.

"It isn't."

"Ha. That's a lie," she laughed.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. I'm very good at telling when people are lying. And even if I wasn't, it's obvious that you were lying."

"How can you tell?"

"A girl can tell."

"..."

"Am I wrong?"

"Fine. I do want it. But I didn't come here tonight with that intention."

"Alright, here we go!" She slapped her hands together, rubbing them excitedly. "Some real answers." He just gave her a strange look. "Most of these people here," she pointed at the room, "they're acting. They're saying what the other person wants to hear. But I can tell you haven't been doing that."

"How?"

"You're sitting here by yourself."

"Touché."

"So I'm going to ask you questions, and you're going to answer them. And maybe you might just get what you really want," she said. He chuckled. "What have you got to lose?"

"Fine."

"Come on, let's just ditch this thing and get something to drink."

"Works for me," he said. They left the table where he had been sitting and moved over to the bar. She flagged down the bartender.

"Two long-island iced teas and a couple of jello shots," she said and turned to him. "Anything for you?"

"Uh, a dollar draft," he said.

He gave her a sideways look as her drinks began to arrive. She was barely five feet tall, and skinny as a rail. She drank the first iced tea as fast as you could pour it on the ground, and chased it with both jello shots in rapid succession.

"You know, you may want to pace yourself."

"You may want to kiss my ass!" she said, catching him a bit off guard with her language. "I've got the stamina of a horse."

"Heh,"

"What's funny?" she asked.

"Nothing, I just... never mind." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"So, how long has it been for you?" she asked.

"Since?"

"Since you last fucked," she asked, as plain as asking where he'd gotten his haircut. His mouth hung slightly ajar. "Oh what!? Fuck shit bitch ass cunt! There, now me swearing is old news."

"Kay." He sipped his beer.

"So? How long?"

"Almost a year. You?"

"Ugh. Feels like it's been centuries."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Why?" he asked. "I mean, do you just not want to or... I mean, because I'm sure that most any of these guys would be happy to oblige you."

"Like I said. I'm pretty sure I would just be disappointed with them," she said.

"But not me?"

"Why not you? You said that they would be happy to oblige me. Would you not?" she asked.

"I would..."

"But?"

"No. You first. Why are you so sure that you'd be disappointed?" he asked. She drank most of her second iced tea.

"You'd probably think I was a slut if I told you."

No, the fact that she didn't cross her legs or wear panties gave him that impression already. She looked like it had been freshly waxed with a little landing strip of pubic hair, dyed the same blue as her hair. She went through a lot of effort to get it looking that good. She was planning on showing it to someone. Some girls try too hard.

"I wouldn't think that," he said. She grinned and took another sip.

"I need a big dick," she said. He was at a loss for words. "Hey, some guys want a big butt, or big boobs. I want a big dick. And I can tell you have one." He glanced down at himself, checking to make sure that he wasn't sporting a serious bulge. He wasn't.

"Okay, I'll bite. How can you tell?"

"You slouch when you sit. You shuffle when you walk, like you're off balance. But you're clearly in shape and you're not wearing a back brace. And normally a guy who thinks he's got a big dick would have a big ego to go with it. But the fact that you don't means that you know you have a big dick."

"You got all that from the way I sit and walk?" he asked.

"No. The fact that it's been almost a year since you've last had sex, and that you're looking for a platonic relationship does. You've given up."

"So what are you, like, a detective?" he asked. She grinned and finished her drink.

"Like I said, a girl can tell," she said. He sighed.

"Okay, fine. It's true. I do."

"Well then, why don't we go on back to your place and..." she trailed off with a smirk. He sighed and surrendered.

"Yeah sure. You want a big dick? Let's go do this." He finished his drink. He knew exactly how this was going to go. They would get back to his place, and they would get as far as he could with foreplay, until at last he'd have to take off his pants and then she'd either laugh or scream, and then leave. Because it wasn't that he had a human penis, the size of a horse's. It was a horses penis, the same shape and all. And he'd be left disappointed again. Surprisingly she had decided to skip all of that.

No sooner had he closed his front door than she was already pulling at his belt buckle strap. "Whoa, easy there." Well at least now it would save him the time of getting himself worked up. The last button let go and everything dropped to his ankles. He mentally prepared himself for the inevitable. Her initial reaction was the usual gasp of utter shock as his massive horse cock flopped down, swinging almost to his knees. But instead of screaming, or laughing at the absurdity of it, her eyes lit up and she just sat and stared. Slowly, a wide grin spread across her face.

"Are you..." he was cut off abruptly as she took his massive dick with both of her hands, moving them up and down. It was the first time that anyone other than himself had touched it since Princess Celestia. The effect was immediate. He grew harder in her hands with each pump until at last her was fully erect. He became a little dizzy, standing there, losing so much blood flow from his brain to fill the enormous thing. Before his knees could give out, she stood and took him by his arm.

"Bedroom." She said. It wasn't a request for the location. It was a demand.

"Upstairs, on the left," he managed. She pulled him along through his own house, into his bedroom. She all but threw him onto his bed. She was strong for such a little thing. She slipped out of her skirt and threw off her top. Then she jumped on top of him. Her small frame knelt in his lap, straddling his legs. His cock laid against her belly, its broad stallion tip bumping against the bottom of her perky B-cups. It was almost as big as she was. She licked and spit all over the tip of it, working the wetness all over, getting about a quarter of the way down his shaft. And despite her best efforts, it simply wasn't going to fit in her mouth. After a few minutes, she lifted herself from the mattress and squatted over him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" he said. "I appreciate the effort, but you must be drunker than you thought! Because there is no way you're going to be able to do that!" She rubbed the blunt tip against the smooth skin of her slit.

"I'll get it to fit," she said with confidence.

"Well, I don't know what kind of misleading porn you've been watching, but if you're really serious, you're going to need something besides spit to lubricate that. In my nightstand there's-"

"Shut up," she said, lowering more weight onto him. She held him in a firm grip with one hand, pressing the tip against her entrance, and struggled with the other to try to stuff it inside her relatively tiny opening. "Almost there..." she worked one half of one side of the tip in, rolling her hips a little. She took a deep breath and pushed the other side in after it with a grunt. "There! Hard part's over."

He had to admit, he was impressed. She actually managed to get the tip of it inside of her. Clearly she was a gal who was accustomed to taking a fist inside her. Or she owned some very impressive toys. And now that she had managed to prove that she could, next came the part where she realized the impossibility of actual sex and abandon the challenge of it.

Except she didn't.

She rocked her hips back and forth, pressing more of her weight down on him, slowly, agonizingly bit by bit, taking more of him. Another inch, two, then three. Her pussy was inflamed red, stretched taut around the massive intruder. She started to bob her hips a little, making tiny hopping motions, working her way further down. Another two inches. He began to see the massive bulge in her abdomen.

"Hey, hey! You really need to stop before you hurt yourself!" he said.

"I'm fine," she breathed.

"You're drunk! Can you not feel that!?" He stared at her belly as more of his cock pushed into her.

"Oh, yes I can!" she purred. She put her hand over her tummy, feeling his girth moving up inside of her. She worked her way further down, taking a third of him into her before stopping at last. For all his worries, she felt amazing! Her warm, soft wetness wrapped so tightly around him was pure heaven. She started to lift herself off and then back down again. He could feel his massive balls churning. If she could actually maintain this, he might actually be able to climax for the first time in months!

To his utter amazement, she kept her rhythm and balance. Her pussy made squelching noises as her copious wetness began to run down his shaft, aiding her movement. He could barely keep his eyes focused through the intense pleasure. It wasn't until her hips met his medial ring did he realize how far down she had managed to get. Each time she came down, it came to her stretched opening already at its limit. It was just barely too big.

"How are you doing thaaaHH-" his cry was cut off as at last, with determination she was able to slip his medial ring inside with a tactile pop.

"Oooaaaggghhh!" She let out a hearty moan, and stopped. He feared that she had ruptured one, or likely many organs. But before he could move to help her she went back to making little motions with her hips again. She kept trying to keep moving, refusing to let his medial ring slip out.

"Oh my god!" he cried out, feeling more of him going into her. "This is impossible!" With a final push, he felt her hip slap down against his. By his estimations, the tip of his dick was somewhere up inside her rib cage where several vital organs should have been.

"Tell me how good it feels!" she said as she moved her body up and down on his length. The sensations overwhelmed the ration parts of his mind.

"S-s-ama-mazing!" He babbled.

"Is this not the best sex you've ever had!?" she asked.

"F-fuck yeah!" he cried out. He could feel his balls getting tighter, filled to the bursting point.

"Tell me I'm the best!"

"You're the b-best!" he shouted. She moaned out. She could feel her orgasm coming quickly.

"You love fucking me!"

"Yes!"

"Say the words!"

"I love it!"

"Tell me I'm better than Tia!" she commanded.

"W-what!?"

"Tell me I'm better than my sister!" Lena ordered. She put her hoof on his chest as her body shimmered around him. Her small, pale form grew into a tall blue, pony form. All the while, never ceasing her motion on his cock. She leaned over him, with the size to be flexible enough to do so now, "Tell me you like fucking me better than Celestia!" Luna purred into his ear.

"Princess Luna!" he cried out. Her whole body trembled at the call of her name. Her pussy writhed and rippled around his meaty cock, tugging and milking him even more as her clit winked against his pelvis. She felt the euphoric ecstasy of her orgasm run through her in waves of tingling electricity.

"Yes! Scream my name!" she bellowed as her marecum soaked them both. Her horn began to glow. He felt a magic on his balls, at once making them even more prodigious, but also halting their advance.

"AAARGH!" he cried out, feeling his need to cum even greater than ever. She knew she had him right where she wanted. At her mercy.

"Tell me I'm better than Tia!"

"AGH! YES! YES!!!" He screamed. His vision went white as he felt the most powerful orgasm of his life ripping through him. It made his back arch up into her as she released her spell's hold on him and slammed her hips down a final time. She felt his cock slamming against her cervix. His tip flared wide, stretching her innermost barrier open. She could feel him swelling thicker, throbbing and pumping as he came. His first blast of cum erupted into her in a rush of hot whiteness, followed by a second, and a third in rapid succession, flooding her womb.

"Yes! Yes!" She moaned, "Fill me with your seed!" She threw her head back in triumphant laughter. His vision went dark as he skirted the edges of consciousness.

"ENOUGH!" Princess Celestia burst from his bedroom closet. Luna looked at her from her seat, straddling his hips still. She just smiled at her with a wicked grin. "Look at what you have done! You've nearly killed him!" Indeed, he struggled to breathe beneath the blue alicorn.

"I'm the best! Better than you Tia! He said as much!" Luna said.

"You were denying him orgasm! He would have said whatever you wanted him to, for release. That is hardly what I would consider fair."

"Ladies, ladies," he said, recovering his senses after a moment. "Isn't there some way we can resolve this? Perhaps with a sexy pillow fight?"

"NO!" they both said.

"It was the best orgasm of your life, yes?" Luna asked. "Admit it." She flexed her pelvic muscles around his penis still inside her for effect, gaining a groan from him.

"Luna, you used magic!" Celestia said. "That's cheating!"

"He has an equine penis!" Luna retorted. "I'm hardly the only one guilty of arcane abuse! The poor thing. He hasn't been able to mate all year! No human mare-"

"Woman" he corrected.

" - no woman could possible be able to take it! You cursed him to be unable to lay with any other besides yourself!" Luna said. Celestia blushed and looked away.

"It- that was not my intention!" Celestia said.

"Fear not. I shall fix this at last," Luna said. She lifted herself from him, letting him slip free of her marehood, spilling much of his cum as well. "I will restore your human penis," Her horn glowed.

"Wait!" he cried out. Luna stopped.

"Do you not desire to have mares- er, women of your own kind?" she asked.

"I do, but, you were right. This has been the best sex of my life! With each of you. But it had been a year's wait for me, so of course it seemed better. But that was subjective. Why did you wait a year to see me again?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," Celestia said. "The gateway between our worlds relies on magic. Not just ours, but from your world as well."

"But we have no magic," he said.

"But you do," Luna said. "There is one day each year where the magic of your world waxes strong. Strong enough for us to visit."

"It's a Christmas miracle," he said.

"I regret that it took a year for me to return to you. I did not mean to leave you with... that for so long." Celestia said.

"So, where were we?" Luna said, her horn glowing to restore his human anatomy.

"No, wait!" he said, standing up from the bed. "What I meant was, it just seems like an awful waste. I mean, here you both are. And there is a lot of Christmas Eve left..." he trailed off. "You two clearly have a competitive streak going on that we should settle and see who really is the best at sex."

"That sounds like a dare, Luna," Tia said.

"It's a double dare!" he said. The royal sisters exchanged a devious smile.

"Fine then," Luna said, rolling onto her belly with her legs hanging off of the edge. Celestia laid on the bed beside her. Each of them looked back at him and flagged their tails. He looked back and forth between the two glistening marehoods. His horse cock throbbed back to life, throwing off his balance and making it difficult for him to stand. All year he had cursed the burdensome thing for ruining his life. All year had had wanted nothing more than to be rid of it.

"You may begin by determining which of us has the tighter pussy!" Celestia said. He looked back down as his heavy mast and, for the first time in months, smiled.

It had been worth the weight.