The ⑨ Chronicles

Chapters

⑨, Corner Pocket
Stupid Dangerous
Genius in Base ⑨
Out of the Mouths of Babes
Stupid vs Crazy
The Cause, and Solution, to All of Life's Problems

⑨, Corner Pocket

Celestia groaned internally and tried not to roll her eyes or massage her temples. Once again she had to sit through Moneybags' attempts to get her to approve his request to allow him to lower his employee’s wages so he could make a profit, this time claiming that he would be able to dedicate more money towards innovating and improving products that would help serve the metalwork industry, and thus the entire kingdom would benefit. Celestia knew for a fact that Moneybags was a notorious miser who hated to spend any money, even going so far as to attempt to negotiate the sale of an orange from one bit down to nothing.

Just hold out a little longer. In a month or two Luna will be back to full strength and she can finally help you deal with this damn fu-

At that moment a scroll appeared in front of her, obviously being delivered by Spike’s dragonfire. Celestia opened the scroll, barely aware that Moneybags had enough sense to stop talking as she read it.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I hate to interrupt your your no doubt busy schedule, but I’m afraid that we require just a slight bit of help here in Ponyville. Some creature is attacking us and freezing everything in some sort of rampage. If you aren’t too busy, could you please send help? Right now, if at all possible?

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

Celestia’s eyes widened before she turned her gaze towards Ponyville and saw that some of the buildings appeared to be frozen over. She tossed the scroll aside and turned to the business pony in front of her.

“Moneybags, I’m afraid I have something much more important to attend to. However, I can say with certainty that your proposal is unethical and that the good you claim to be doing this for a bold faced lie, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Until you have a product that you can offer to convince me you intend to something other than hoard your bits, don’t ever come here again.”

Celestia barely saw Moneybags’ shocked expression before teleporting to Ponyville. What she found was a hoard of her ponies screaming and galloping everyone which way and a strange screech of rage over it all.

“BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA-!”

“Princess Celestia!?”

The alicorn turned to see Twilight and Spike rushing towards her, a mixture of terror and relief on both their faces.

“Oh, thank goodness you’re here!” Twilight cried before the both bowed down to her.

“There’s no time for formalities, Twilight, but I am very happy to see you and Spike unharmed. Now, what’s the situation?”

“R-Right! Um, well, I’m not sure really what happened, but some being came into town earlier today. At first nothing seemed wrong, but then she suddenly flew off the handle and began to attack everything in a rage! And she’s been screaming that word for a while. I don’t think anypony’s actually hurt, thank goodness, but I don’t know how long that’ll last! I tried to stop her with my magic, but that just got her more upset!”

“I understand. Twilight, do what you can to get everypony to safety, I’ll deal with this,” Celestia replied before taking to the skies. It wasn’t difficult to find the being Twilight was talking about, following the formations of ice and craters from magic blasts. It truly did seem nopony had actually been hurt, although some had been partially frozen in ice. She finally find the creature, following the trail of destruction, and her stomach dropped when she got a look at it.

Oh no, not another one!

The being had two arms, two legs, and one head. It’s body was without any coat but possessed blue hair on its head that stopped before it reached its shoulders, and was clothed in a blue and white dress with a red bowtie, and a large blue bow in its hair. Though it had not tail, it did possess six wings that appeared to be made of ice.

“-BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA-!” she continued to shout as it chased after two fillies, one pink with a violet and white mane and tail with a silver tiara on her head, the other with a grey coat and a lighter grey mane and tail as well as blue glasses and a bead necklace. The flying being fired wantonly at them both, blowing up and freezing more what was around them than getting anywhere close. Even still, the two screamed in terror as they ran.

Celestia dived down, landing with a thud as she positioned herself between the being and her ponies. She charged her magic and fired a beam of heat magic at the being… who promptly shattered to a fine mist, causing Celestia to flinch.

Wh-What? But that should’ve only been enough to cause some pain! It wouldn’t have even been a first degree burn! Why did she-!?

Just then the mist began to gather together and in a pop the being came back into existence. She looked confused for a moment before seeing Celestia and glaring. “You think you can just get in my way!? Well get ready to lose, because Eye’m the strongest in the-!”

Celestia fired another blast, causing the being to explode into an icy mist again. Moments later, she reformed.

“WHAT’S THE BIG IDE-!?”

Another blast and another regeneration.

“STOP DOING THAT!”

Another cycle.

“STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT-!”

And again.

This cycle continued again for about five minutes. Each time the there was less and less mist, and each time the being came back smaller and smaller. By the end she was barely the size of a kitten.

Celestia’s horn flared with power. “Any last words?” she asked, glaring at the being.

The being just stood there for a moment, it’s head hanging, before it began to shake. Celestia prepared for a last desperate attack when the being threw her head back… and cried. And not just any sort of crying, the type of crying that a foal does when she’s told she can’t have that toy she’s always wanted. The being wailed as it fell onto its back, flailing its arms and legs in frustration as its tears turned to ice cubes as they fell from her eyes, all in an almost adorably high pitched voice.

Celestia just stared slack jawed, completely unsure of how to react to the situation.

“STOP PICKING ON ME! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOOOOOOOOOOOP!” the being wailed as she kicked and screamed.

Oh, now that's not fair, Celestia thought, beginning to feel genuinely guilty. “Um… I'm sorry?” she apologized, still unsure on how to respond.

“Um, Princess Celestia?”

The Princess turned to look down at a trio of fillies, a unicorn, an earth pony, and a pegasus all of them without cutie marks. She recognized them as the “Cutie Mark Crusaders” that Twilight had mentioned in her friendship reports.

“I know she caused a lot of trouble, but can you please stop picking on Cirno?” The unicorn asked nervously.

Sweetie Belle, if I remember correctly. Rarity’s sister.

Celestia looked to “Cirno”, seeing that her wails had died down to sniffles. She also saw the other ponies cautiously observing the event from what they felt was a safe distance. The Princess brought a hood to her face and sighed. “Could somepony explain to me just exactly what happened here?”

Author's Note

So the other Displaced fic is now up! I know this isn't exactly the best chapter in the world, but I hope some of you are at least interested.

Also, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Consider this you're 2016 present! To be honest I wanted to submit this on Christmas, but... well that just didn't happen. Anyway, I'll likely be updating "My Giant Robot" next followed by "Quiet Life." Then I'll give this one and "OOO" another update to help set up some more of the lore.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, pronounce "⑨" as "nine-ball."

Stupid Dangerous

The three fillies shook the water off themselves dry as they trotted away from the lake they were snorkeling in.

“So much for our swimming cutie marks,” Scootaloo sighed.

“And our squid wresslin’ cutie marks,” Applebloom added.

“When were we working on that?” Sweetie Belle asked.

The three fillies suddenly felt a chill and huddled together.

“Brrr! Where in tarnation did that come from?” Applebloom asked.

Sweetie turned around and her eyes widened. “Uh, Scootaloo? Did Rainbow Dash say anything about a fog scheduled today?”

“Why are you asking-? WHOA!” Scootaloo began, only to turn around and see what Sweetie was talking about.

The lake was suddenly covered with a thick fog, dense enough that the lake was mostly obscured from vision.

“That wasn’t here before!” Scootaloo commented.

Before anypony could say anything more a loud splash came from the direction of the lake. The fillies all stared for a few moments and then noticed a shadow approaching out of the fog.

“Wh-What’s that?” Applebloom asked in fear.

“I don’t think I want to find out!” Sweetie added.

“Hide!” Scootaloo yelled as they all jumped behind a tree before peeking out slightly.

The figure soon came out of the fog. It was a strange being wearing a blue and white dress, with a blue mane, no coat, and a red bow. It also seemed to have six wings made of ice, which it was using to fly. It landed on the edge of the lake and shook itself, trying to get the water off of itself.

“Huh. Doesn’t look that scary,” Sweetie commented.

The figure turned to them, noticing them peeking behind a tree and gasped It then dashed at them with impressive speed and before she could react Scootaloo was being held in its arms.

“A pony! A cute cuddly pony! You’re so cute!” the being exclaimed as it spun through the air with the captive pegasus.

“GAAAAAH! COOOOOLD!” Scootaloo screeched as she desperately tried to escape the being’s grasp.

“Put ‘er down!” Applebloom shouted, pawing the ground and ready to charge.

The being noticed her and gasped again, dropping Scootaloo. “More cute ponies!” she exclaimed as she rushed forwards to grab her.

“Ah! Stay back!”

The being began to chase Applebloom and Sweetie Belle around the lake shore.

“Come back! Eye just want to hug you!”

“Don’t let her do it, girls! She’s really cold! It’s like being hugged by ice cube!” Scootaloo warned.

This continued for a few minutes until the being collapsed to her knees and began to cry.

“WAAAAAH! EYE JUST WANT TO HUG THE CUTE PONIES!” she whined as she flailed her arm and legs in frustration.

The three fillies stopped in their tracks, trying to comprehend what was happening.

Sweetie Belle gulped and stepped forwards. “Um... Excuse me?”

“Huh?” the being asked drying her frozen tears.

“Um… if it’ll make you feel better you can hug me.”

“R-Really?”

“Um… yes?”

“YAY!” she shouted and immediately glomped the unicorn.

“GAH! SHE REALLY IS COLD!” Sweetie screeched out.

“Silly! Eye’m not cold! You’re just hot!” the being replied.

“OK, OK, LET ME DOWN!”

“Aww,” the being let Sweetie Belle go, pouting as she did.

“So, um… who and what are you?”

The being puffed her chest out. “Eye’m-! Eye’m… Uh… Who am I? Why don’t I remember?” she asked aloud. “J… Je… Ugh, I don’t… why can’t-?”

“She looks kinda like a fairy,” Applebloom commented.

“Hey, that’s it! Eye’m Cirno! Cirno the ice fairy! Eye’m the strongest in the world!” the fairy boasted happily.

“Uh… sure you are…” Scootaloo replied hesitantly.

“Hey, we should probably take her back to Twilight. You know, to be safe?” Applebloom whispered.

“Good idea,” Sweetie Belle whispered back. “Hey Cirno!”

“Huh?”

“There’s somepony we’d like you to meet. Can you come with us back to Ponyville, please?”

Cirno gasped in delight. “You mean a whole town full of cute, cuddly ponies!?”

“Oops,” Sweetie muttered. “Um, yes! But you have to promise not to just fly up and hug them, ok?”

“Aww… Okay…”

“Good. Now, I think we should introduce ourselves! I’m Sweetie Belle.”

“Ah’m Applebloom!”

“And I’m Scootaloo! And we’re-!”

“THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!”

“NO WAY! THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!? REALLY!?... What’s that?”

“Woooow! So many cute ponies!” Crino exclaimed, catching the attention of many of the Ponyville residents who flinched in alarm.

“Remember, you promised,” Sweetie Belle said.

“Yeah yeah, Eye know. So let’s go meet this friend of yours!” she replied while flying off.

“Cirno, wait! It’s this way!” Scootaloo called.

“Oh! Oops!” she replied while turning back around. The four began to make their way towards the Golden Oaks Library, Cirno waving high to anypony she passed. Seeing her antics the townsfolk began to calm down somewhat.

“Oh hey, there she is!” Applebloom said, pointing to Twilight who was trotting towards the school. “Twilight! Hey Twilight!”

“Huh? Oh, hey girls! ...Who… What-?”

“Oh, you’re cute too! Not as cute as these three, though,” Cirno commented.

“Huh?”

“This is Cirno. She’s says she’s a fairy, and it doesn’t look like she’s from around here,” Sweetie Belle explained.

“Yeah, so we figured you might be able to help her out or something,” Scootaloo added.

“Ah fairy!? But-But that’s-!?...I need something to take notes with! SPIIIIIIIKE!” Twilight shouted as she galloped back towards the library.

“...Well, she was fun,” Cirno commented.

“Well, well, if it isn’t the blank flanks,” came a condescending voice.

“Oh no,” Sweetie Belle groaned as they all turned to see Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon trotting towards them.

“Looks like the losers got another lame friend,” Diamond Tiara teased.

“What a freak,” Silver Spoon added.

“Wow. You suddenly seem a lot less cute and cuddly,” Cirno commented.

“And just what are you supposed to be?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Eye’m Cirno, the ice Fairy! Eye’m the strongest in the world!” she boasted.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon glanced at each other and laughed.

“What a loser!” Silver Spoon laughed.

“How stupid can you get!?” Diamond Tiara added.

“‘Stupid’?” Cirno asked, her voice suddenly quiet.

“Huh?”

“You called me stupid.”

The filly smirked back. “That’s right! You’re stupid! What are you gonna do about-!?”

“THE ONE WHO SAYS ‘BAKA’ IS THE ONE WHO’S A BAKA!” Cirno shouted back.

“What? What’s a ‘baka’?” Silver Spoon asked.

“Some stupid word you came up-?” Diamond Tiara began to tease only to shuffle back as Cirno began to float into the air.

“BAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKA!” she continued to shout as polar winds began to circle around her and her hands began to glow blue. She then lifted them above her head, causing a chariot sized ball of ice and snow to form above her. “BAAAAAAKAAAAAAA!” she screamed as she hurled it down at them.

Celestia just stared at the three fillies as they finished their tale, still processing the information she had just been fed. After a few moments she turned to face the two fillies who had been the subjects of the new arrivals wrath.

“Well, I hope this has taught you a lesson,” she began. “Picking on others isn’t just wrong, it can be dangerous.”

“Y-Yes Princess Celestia,” they both replied, both cowed.

“Now, it sounds like you two have had a rough day, so it would probably be best if you both went back home and recovered.”

“Okay,” the both said and trotted off, looking ashamed.

Celestia took a deep breath and then exhaled before turning to the tiny ice fairy. “And you, Cirno. I understand what those two did was wrong, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to attack them like that. You’re going to need to learn how to control your temper.”

“B-But-!”

“Or else you’re grounded,” she finished firmly.

Cirno slumped down and began to draw circled with her foot. “M’kay,” she said.

Celestia breathed a sigh of relief. “Now, I need to have a talk with somepony else. You stay here with your new friends, alright?”

Cirno nodded and flew over to Sweetie Belle, landing in her mane, as Celestia trotted over to Twilight and Spike.

“Princess Celestia, thank you so-!” Twilight began, only for her mentor to cut her off.

“Twilight, I want you and your friends to watch over Cirno at all times. Make sure she never goes anywhere unsupervised, and make sure to keep detailed tabs on her,” Celestia ordered, her tone grave and serious catching Twilight and Spike off guard. “I want reports on anything new you discovers about her, and expect a report about Cirno’s activities at least once a week, even if that report is simply that nothing interesting happened.”

Twilight and Spike simply stared, completely dumbfounded at what they’d heard. After a few moments, Twilight found her voice.

“P-Princess Celestia, isn’t that a bit much? I mean, sure she has power, but she’s just a foal.”

“She has more power than you know, Twilight. More power than maybe even she knows. I would love for this to end peacefully and for Cirno to become just another resident of Ponyville, but until then you must keep a careful eye on her. As should be shown today, she can be a threat even if she doesn’t mean to. Do you understand?”

Twilight hesitated for a moment before nodding.

“Good. Now, as for her living arrangements and anything else, just bill the expenses to me. Any legal tape you need to go through, you have my approval for that as well.” Celestia’s face brightened a bit before kneeling down and hugging her student. “I wish you the best Twilight. Be careful.” And with that she teleported back to Canterlot.

Author's Note

So, here's the end of the introduction for this puppy. I'm sure you've already got a lot of theories already, but mostly I just hope you enjoyed it.

Ok, one more introduction to finish, one more fic to finish, and then one more fic to start. Then I'll see what my new schedule looks like. See you soon, everyone!

Genius in Base ⑨

Twilight yawned as she got up out of bed, stretching a bit as Spike snored in his bed. She went into the bathroom, brushed her teeth and combed her mane, before trotting downstairs. She headed into the kitchen and opened the freezer, finding their newest resident fast asleep. When Cirno was taken into Golden Oaks yesterday she was still the size of a kitten. Without even being asked where she wanted to sleep she made a beeline for the freezer and, rather adorably, used ice tray for her bed and an ice pack for her pillow. Twilight didn't have it in her to wake Cirno up and added a kitchen towel to her ensemble for a blanket.

This morning, however, the fairy was back to her normal size and far too big for the cramped space, curled into a ball and snoring cutely.

She so adorable, I don’t really want to wake her up, Twilight thought with a smile before clearing her throat.

“Cirno, time to get up,” she said gently.

The fairy just mumbled and shifted herself a bit before continuing to sleep soundly. Twilight sighed rolled her eyes.

“Come on, Cirno, it’s time to get up,” she said more forcefully, using her magic to pry the ice fairy from the freezer. She came out with a popping sound, the force being enough to wake her up. Her eyes fluttered for a moment before she stretched and yawned adorably.

“Ohayo, pretty unicorn lady.”

“Ohayo?” Isn’t that Neighponese? Is she bilingual?

Twilight decided to get to that later and set the fairy down.

“My name is ‘Twilight Sparkle’, Cirno.”

“Oh. Ohayo, Sparkle pony lady,” Cirno replied drowsily, yawning and stretching again.

Twilight sighed. “We’ll get to work on that later. For now, follow me, it’s time to make breakfast,” Twilight said as she turned to lead her out of the room.

“I want popsicles,” Cirno replied as she lazy followed after her.

“Popsicles? For breakfast? Um, how about pancakes?”

“Mmm hmm,” Cirno replied, still drowsy.

Jeez, and I thought Spike had trouble getting up.

“Alright you just wait at the table, I’ll go get Spike, ok?”

“Ok,” Cirno said before resting her head on the table.

Twilight smiled before heading upstairs. She found Spike still snoring away in his bed.

“Wake up Spike, time for breakfast,” she prodded while taking off his blanket.

Spike groaned as his eyes slowly fluttered open. “Ugh… Hi Twilight,” he greeting before yawning loudly. “What’s up?”

“We need to get ready to greet our new guest. You get yourself fixed up, I’m going to make some breakfast.”

Spike winced a bit, which did not go unnoticed by Twilight.

“Is something wrong?”

“It’s just… I don’t know how to feel about her,” he replied. “I mean, she seems just like a kid, but she’s also really powerful. And Celestia seemed afraid of her. Is it really alright to keep her here?”

Twilight mulled over his words before thinking back to how she let Trixie go after having to be confronted with the Ursa Minor.

“I think we just need to give her a chance. She certainly doesn’t seem evil, more just… accident prone. I’m sure if we’re patient with her and give her time, she’ll be somepon-um, I mean, some… fairy we can friends with.”

“I hope you’re right,” Spike mumbled.

Spike headed towards the bathroom to get ready while Twilight headed back downstairs. She paused a moment and smiled, amused at how Cirno had fallen right back asleep, lying her head on the table. She even had a little puddle of drool next to her mouth… Which had actually frozen.

Please be as innocent as you look, she thought before heading into the kitchen.

She grabbed the pancake batter with her magic only to pause. She had no idea what fairies ate, much less an ice fairy.

Then again, she didn’t seem to have a problem with the idea of pancakes, Twilight thought. I’ll have to ask her about it later.

Twilight got to work, follow the carefully laid out instructions she had written for herself.

Spike always does better with making pancakes, despite not using any instructions or checklists. I’ll let him make them next time.

After about thirty minutes she had cooked enough pancakes for herself, Spike, and Cirno. She levitated the delicious smelling food onto three different plates, grabbing the butter, syrup, silverware, and napkins as well, and carried them into the room. Surprisingly, she found Cirno still drooling, only this time it was from staring at the pancakes hungrily.

I guess food is as good a motivator as any to wake up, she thought with a chuckle.

Just at that moment Spike began to descend the stairs. Twilight set the table, crabbing two pancakes, syrup, and butter for herself. Spike and Cirno practically raced to see who could cover their plates with the most number of pancakes. Thankfully, they were able to share the butter and syrup without fighting over it, and then promptly began to dig in.

After everyone had their fill Twilight cleared her throat. “Cirno, I think we need to have a talk.”

“Hm? About what, pony lady?” Cirno asked.

Twilight groaned internally. Really need to work on that.

“Now Cirno, I know you only just arrived yesterday, but we need to set some things up now that you’re. First, as much as I’m sure we’re going to enjoy your company-”

“We are?” Spike asked.

“-we can’t just leave you home unsupervised when Spike and I are out taking care of something. And so, I think it would be best if you started going to school here in Ponyville.”

“‘School’? AUGH!” Cirno groaned loudly. “School’s boriiiiiiiing!”

Why does almost no foal like school? Some of my best times were spent studying under Celestia, Twilight thought before pushing those thoughts to the back of her mind. But this isn’t up for discussion. She needs an education. Now, how can I get her to want to go?

“You know, if you go to school you’ll be able to be with Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo during the day.”

Cirno’s face lit up. “You mean I get to be with those three cute ponies!?”

Got her.

“Yes, but only if you start attending school with them.”

Cirno’s enthusiasm ebbed away before she brought her hand to her chin and began to ponder the situation presented to her.

… Wow, she’s really thinking this through, isn’t she? I wonder what exactly is going through her head?

“...Um, Cirno?” Twilight asked, beginning to feel a bit awkward.

“Hm?”

“Have you made a decision yet?”

“About what?”

Spike facepalmed as Twilight did her best to suppress her frustration.

“If you want to go to school with the Cutie Mark Crusaders?”

“Oh. Okay!”

Twilight sighed in relief. Well, at least that’s taken care of.

“Well, now that that’s out of the way, I need to head over to talk to Ms. Cheerilee to let her know she’s going to have a new student.”

“Oh, can Eye come!?” Cirno asked.

She certainly says that word strangely.

“Um… That might not be best. The town is still a bit, um… wary of you.”

“Huh?”

“She means they’re scared because of what happened yesterday,” Spike explained.

“Spike!” Twilight shouted, scolding him for his lack of tact.

“They’re… scared?” Cirno asked, looking completely deflated. “But… But… Eye don’t want the pretty ponies to be scared of me.” Cirno’s eyes began to water, looking like she was ready to bawl. “Eye… Eye…”

Twilight looked at the fairy with sympathy. There’s no way she’s a monster. She’s just a little girl who doesn’t know her own strength. With an unexpected feeling of maternal instinct she levitated Cirno over and hugged her, ignoring the sharp decrease in her body temperature resulting from contact.

“Don’t worry Cirno, everything will be better soon. You just need a chance to show them all who you really are. Just stick with it for now, ok?”

Cirno sniffed. “O-Okay.”

Twilight smiled and let her go. “Now, I’m going to need to to stay here today while I get things all set up. In the meantime, why don’t you play with Spike?”

“M-Me?” Spike asked, still recovering from what he was seeing.

“Maybe you can show her some of your super-cool comics?” Twilight suggested wryly.

Spike’s face lit up. “Yeah, that’s a great idea! Follow me, Cirno!” he called as he rushed up the stairs, Cirno flying after and looking hopeful.

Twilight simply smiled, determined to make this all work, before opening the door to walk out.

“Ok, fillies and colts. We’ve got a new class member showing who’s going to be with us starting today,” Miss Cheerilee announced at the beginning of class. “Now, some of you may have some feelings about her, but I want you all to be courteous and give her a warm welcome. You can come on in now”

The class of foals was surprised to find the ice fairy from two days ago hover in.

“Now, why don’t you introduce yourself?”

The young girl puffed her chest out in pride. “Eye’m Cirno! Eye’m the strongest!”

For a moment, nopony said a word.

“Except you got beaten,” Diamond Tiara muttered under her breath.

Cirno heard her and glared, the class beginning to get scared as she began to fume. “Yeah!? Well… She just the drop on me! Eye’ll beat her next time!” she declared with a pout as she crossed.

“You’re going to try and take over Equestria?” Silver Spoon asked in fear.

Cirno’s response was to tilt her head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You said you were going to beat Princess Celestia,” one of the other foals explained.

Cirno gasped. “That big pretty pony was a princess!? Eye didn’t know that!”

“Does that mean you won’t fight her now?” Snips asked.

“Nah. Eye’m still gonna fight her and beat her!” Cirno proclaimed proudly.

“So… you are trying to take over Equestria?” Snails asked.

“Huh? No. Why would Eye do that?”

Sweetie Belle cleared her throat, trying to find a way to prove her new friend wasn’t evil. “So, if you do beat Princess Celestia, what are you going to do after?”

“Oh, that’s easy! We’ll have party!”

The class just stared.

“‘A party?’” Sweetie asked, hoping to get some clarification.

“Yeah! Like a picnic! There’ll be tea and sandwiches and ramen and yakisoba and takoyaki and- Oh! Melon bread!” Cirno explained, clearly excited at the possibilities.

“So wait a minute, you want to beat Princess Celestia, and then invite her to a party?” Diamond Tiara asked. “That’s weird.”

“What do you mean? Isn’t that how things usually happen?”

Once again, the class stared silently in confusion.

Miss Cheerilee cleared her throat. “Well Cirno, as much as I’m sure we would all like some clarification, I do have a class to teach. Now if you could take a seat, we can begin.”

“Okay!” Cirno replied enthusiastically, taking a seat next to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who were happy to welcome her.

Class went on normally for the most part that day. Cirno did have some trouble wrapping her head around some of the history lessons, a problem that Miss Cheerilee made sure to remember when she saw Twilight later. However, the real surprise came during math.

“Alright class, we’re going to go over a few basic math problems, just to keep your minds sharp. Now, all of you cover your eyes. No peeking!”

Everypony (and Cirno) did as instructed while Cheerilee wrote on the board.

“Now, when I say go, I want you to look at the board. Whoever thinks they have all the answers, raise your hoof. Or, um, hand, as the case may be. Ready?” The class nodded back. “And go!”

Everyone uncovered their eyes to look at the board.

5 + 4 = 7 X 4 =
7 + 8 = 8 X 12 =
25 + 36 =
42 - 5 =

“Now make sure you-”

“Me! Eye can do it!” Cirno called, raising her hand while she practically jumped out of her seat.

Everyone was surprised, especially seeing that it hadn’t even been a full ten seconds before Miss Cheerilee said “go.” After a moment’s hesitation, Cheerilee spoke up.

“Well then Cirno, if you think you can do it, come on up.”

Cirno happily flew over and grabbed the chalk, writing in the answers with absolute confidence. When she was finished she set the chalk down, turned to class and puffed out her chest. “Eye’m a genius!”

5 + 4 = 10 7 X 4 = 31
7 + 8 = 16 8 X 12 = 107
25 + 36 = 62
42 - 5 = 36

The whole class burst out laughing. Even the Cutie Mark Crusaders couldn’t quite hold their giggles back. Cirno, for her part, didn’t look hurt. She looked confused.

Cheerilee held back her giggles. She was so confident, it’s quite a shame. She then turned to look at the board again, specifically the first question. Huh. Now that I look at it… No… it couldn’t be...

“Looks like you need a little after-school tutoring,” Diamond Tiara said smugly.

“What do you mean by that!?” Cirno shot back. The classes quieted down, afraid there might be repeat of Cirno’s first day, but luckily there was no display of icy magic. “Eye got them all perfectly, right teacher pony lady?”

When there was no response everypony looked to their teacher who was mumbling under her breath.

“If that one is 23, and that one is 33, then…”

“Um, Miss Cheerilee? Are you alright?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“H-Huh?” she said as she turned, noticing the class was all looking at her. “O-Oh! Um… Cirno, could we meet after class?”

Cirno’s shoulders sagged. “Did Eye… mess up?” she asked dejectedly.

“What? Oh, no no no! Well, um… not exactly,” Cheerilee stuttered. “Just… come and see me after class. I promise you’re not in trouble.”

“Oh. Ok!” Cirno replied cheerfully.

“Please take your seat,” Cirno. The fairy happily obeyed and class continued.

Twilight was enjoying rereading one of her many magic instructional books when a knock came at the door.

“Just a minute!” she called, setting it down. She opened the door to find a rather peculiar sight: Miss Cheerilee with a look that clearly showed that she was attempting to suppress shock. Cirno, on the other hoof, looked positively delighted. “Um… Can I help you, Miss Cheerilee?”

“Um… yes. Can I… can we talk for a bit?” Cheerilee asked, trying to find her words.

Twilight looked to Cirno, wondering if she was in trouble, but the joyful look on her face clearly didn’t bear that out. “Of course. Please, come in.”

They both walked inside and took a seat, Cirno next to Twilight and Cheerilee across from them.

“Twilight, before I say anything else, I’d like to first confirm that you are now functioning as Cirno’s guardian, correct?” Miss Cheerilee asked.

Twilight was taken aback by that question before turning to look at Cirno, who looked to her with a happy if a bit confused smile. Twilight thought of her depressed face yesterday when she was told the town was likely still afraid of her. With a look of determination she turned back to the teacher. “Yes, I am.”

“Ok then, I would like to talk to you about Cirno’s mathematical skills,” Miss Cheerilee said before reaching into her saddlebag and pulling out a few pieces of paper. “First, I wrote these questions on the board in class. Cirno came up to the board and wrote her answers.”

Twilight looked at the page and winced. “I see. Well, I know it’s not the best, but-”

“Yes, I know, they’re all wrong… in base 10.”

“Pardon?”

“You know what I mean, right Twilight?”

“Well, of course. Base 10 is how standard mathematics is set. Where one number place only carries over to the next highest spot when it hits ten.”

“Correct. Now Twilight, look at all those questions in base 9.”

Twilight looked back at the numbers, adjusting her calculations for base 9… and was stunned. Adjusting for base 9, every single question was right. She double and triple checked the problems, but it came up the same every time.

“They’re… They’re all correct,” she muttered.

“She wrote the answers to all of these is less than a minute. She didn’t need to show her work, but still.”

“Do you think it’s a coincidence, or-?”

“After school I had her take a quiz. Fifty questions, no work needed to be shown,” Cheerilee interrupted, hoofing her a few more papers.

Twilight looked over the questions and was stunned. The questions consisted of basic math, exponents, and even algebra. Twilight checked over them and her jaw dropped open.

Every. Single. One is right… in base 9.

“It took her fifteen minutes to do that quiz,” Cheerilee explained. “Once again, no proof required, but still.”

Both of them just exchanged glances before turning to the fairy, who smiled confidently.

“Cirno… do you understand what you’ve done here?” Twilight asked.

“Yup!” she said proudly while puffing her chest out. “Eye’m so smart even Eye don’t understand me!”

Twilight and Cheerilee stared back at each other before smiling nervously to the fairy.

“That’s… one way to think of it…” Cheerilee replied.

“Why are we doing this again?” Spike asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Look, I just need to get an idea on how smart Cirno is. I need to figure out if she’s genuinely clueless or if she’s just pretending to be stupid,” Twilight answered.

“And this is what you came up with?” Spike asked, pointing to the simple puzzle before them.

“Just get ready to take notes, ok?” She then cleared her throat. “Cirno! TIme for breakfast!”

After about a few minutes Cirno came out of the basement, having grown to big to stuff into the fridge again, rubbing her eyes.

“Ugh… Where’s breakfast Twilight pony?” she asked.

Still gonna have to work on that.

“It’s right there,” Twilight said, pointing to a bucket of ice cream hanging by a rope from the ceiling.

Cirno’s face lit up immediately. “Ice cream!” she cheered before flying towards it.

“Ah ah ah!” Twilight said before catching her in her magic. “If you want ice cream for breakfast, you’re going to have to earn it. Or else you’re having cereal.”

“What do you mean?” Cirno asked.

Twilight set Cirno on the ground before levitating over a stool and a stick. “If you want that ice cream, you’re going to need to get it using only these. Also, no flying or magic, ok?”

Cirno pouted for a moment before looking back at the ice cream. She turned back to Twilight with a determined look in her eyes. “Yosh!”

Definitely neighponese.

“Now, I’m going to get Spike and my breakfast ready. I hope you’re done before we get back,” she said before turning to trot into the kitchen. After that she quickly hid behind the doorway with Spike. “Ready to take notes, Spike?”

“This seems mean,” he muttered.

Twilight turned to him, an annoyed look on her face. “Spike, she’s going to get the ice cream either way, this is just a way to incentivise her so she’s completely focused on-”

Spike, his mouth having dropped open in shock, interrupted Twilight, grabbing her muzzle and turning it to face the living room, where her jaw promptly fell as well.

Cirno had not stood up on the stool and whacked the ice cream with the stick as planned. Instead the stool was upside down, balanced on one of its edges, with the stick precariously balanced on the highest leg. And all of this was somehow holding up Cirno as she balanced on the edge of the stick and grabbed the ice cream.

“Yatta!” she shouted and calmly walked down the pole and then the stool, the whole structure remaining in place after she got off. “Twilight pony! Eye got the bucket!”

“... How… How did you do that!?” Twilight shouted.

“Do what?” Cirno asked as she opened the bucket. A moment later the stool and stick fell, not even catching her attention.

Twilight and Spike just stared, one thought filling both of their minds.

IT’S STUPIDLY AMAZING!

Celestia couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous, constantly having the thought “is Twilight ok?” in the back of her mind for the past two days. She tried to calm herself with some tea and reason out the situation, but just couldn’t help herself.

She didn’t seem that bad, being able to make friends with those three fillies. But on the other hoof, she is one of them. Maybe I should just make a quick visit, just long enough to see if-

Celestia’s thoughts were cut off by a dragonfire message appearing in front of her. Celestia quickly grabbed it in a levitation spell and read the message.

Dear Princess Celestia,

For a long time I had thought the boundaries of what was possible were pushed by brilliant and courageous minds, those who were intelligent enough to perceptive enough to realize what others didn’t However, today Cirno made me realize that sometimes the so called “impossible” can be accomplished for a much simpler reason: being too stupid and ignorant to realize that it is supposedly impossible in the first place.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

P.S. I need a bucking drink, so please excuse me if I don’t respond to any messages for a while.

Celestia just stared at the letter for a few more moments.

Well… I can think of worse news to hear...

Author's Note

I am so sorry this took so long. It looks like I'm going to fall a bit behind in the schedule I made for myself, but I swear I'm still working at it. Anyway, enjoy the giggle.

Also, if anyone needs a visual representation of the last part, look here.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Ever since then Celestia had received several reports from Twilight about Cirno that revealed her to be an… interesting individual. First was her seemingly physics defying stupidity, and her odd form of mathematical aptitude. Twilight explained that she and Miss Cheerilee had framed trying to teach her the normal base 10 as “learning how to explain her genius to the rest of her peers,” clearly appealing to the fairy’s delusions of grandeur. Next was how she had become fast friends with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and often was roped into, or initiated, their usual hijinks. Despite knowing she would never get a cutie mark, she was more than willing to help the girls get theirs. In addition, they were apparently bullied less, mostly because nopony wanted to pick on the friends of the creature that had caused a rampage through Ponyville.

Despite the initial horrible impression she made, Cirno had slowly begun to endear herself to the citizens of Ponyville with her earnestness and foalishness. Nopony would soon be forgetting when she attempted to make some bits selling water flavored snowcones. Still, despite all these letters from her student Celestia was still concerned. In spite of her great improvements from when they first met Cirno was still powerful, very powerful. Even with her incredible fragility (she apparently once fell to pieces when a dodgeball managed to to hit her in the head) her regenerative ability made her a formidable force to be reckoned with in a real fight. In addition, though she approved of her student’s development, she also realized that Twilight taking a motherly shine to her like she did Spike could cloud her judgement.

Still, Celestia didn’t want to accidentally create a problem while trying to avoid one, but she also wanted to see herself if Cirno could be trusted. Luckily, she could easily combine two plans together by having Cirno tag along with something Twilight and her friends were already going to be involved in. After all, it wouldn’t be too hard to send one more ticket invite to Canterlot...

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight said happily as she trotted up to the Princess.

“Twilight. It is so lovely to see my star student,” the Princess greeted back.

“Oh, I’m so excited to be here! We have so much to catch up on! Oh, but first, someone wants to say a few words to you.”

Twilight turned back and Celestia followed her gaze. Cirno was hovering towards them dressed up for the Gala in a clearly Rarity-made dress. Cirno had replaced her bow with a white stick to hold her hair with a large snowflake design attached to it. She wore a baby blue puff shouldered dress with a line of white on the edges that looked like frost, and an aqua colored bowtie around her collar folded into an eight pointed snowflake shape. The dress extended outwards at the waist and at the edges at the bottom had holes cut in the shape of snowflakes.

Celestia couldn’t help but smile. She looks like a snow themed fairy tale princess.

“Hi Pretty Princess pony lady!” Cirno greeted.

Twilight sighed. “Cirno, I told you her name was Princess Celestia.”

“Hi pretty Princess Celestia lady!”

Twilight groaned, but couldn’t keep a small smile off her face. “Now Cirno, didn’t you have something you wanted to tell Princess Celestia?” Cirno merely looked to Twilight, confused. “Remember? That thing you wanted to tell her?” Cirno’s expression didn’t change. “That thing you wrote down? That you wrote completely on your own?” she stressed, taking a nervous glance at Princess Celestia.

“... Oh!” Cirno exclaimed before reaching into her dress and pulling out a scroll. “Ahem. ‘Eye... am sorry… about… the tan...trum… Eye had… when… we… first met!’” she read slowly before looking back to Twilight for approval, who rolled her eyes before smiling, causing Cirno to smile back.

Princess Celestia chuckled. “Apology accepted.”

“Yay!” Cirno shouted, tossing the scroll away. “You and Eye can have a Danmaku Battle now! Oh, when you have time, Eye mean.”

“Heh heh! Such a kidder, am I right?” Twilight nervously tried to cover up for her. To her surprise, Celestia chuckled.

“Maybe, but I’m quite a busy pony, and it’ll be some time before I’m free for that kind of thing.”

“Okay! That means Eye’ll have more time to get the picnic ready for after! Eye’m gonna go see the pretty ponies now! Bye!” she said before flying off.

Twilight sighed. “I’m sorry Princess, but she’s completely set on doing this ‘Danmaku’ thing with you in the future. I can’t talk her out of it, and despite having the word ‘Battle’ in the name she insists it’s not a big deal.”

“Well, they usually weren’t, but sometimes they were.”

“Huh? P-Princess Celestia, do you know what she’s talking about?” Twilight asked, shocked.

“Actually, yes. A Danmaku Battle is an extremely ancient form of magic dueling, before even Equestria’s founding. How it works is that one combatant casts several barriers around themselves and moves no quicker than a trotting pace while firing blasts of magic that move in patterns over a large area. The other combatant can move as quickly as they like and fires a barrage of magic at the other combatant while trying to dodge. The defending combatant must switch patterns every time one of their barriers breaks. If the defender loses all the levels of their barrier, or the offensive combatant gets hit five times, the battle ends.”

“That sounds so… violent,” Twilight commented, stunned.

“Indeed. The chance of injury is why magic duels today are more about proficiency of spells instead of combat prowess.”

“But if this is a such an ancient art, why does Cirno talk about it like it's an everyday thing?”

“Because for her it may be. I said it was ancient Twilight, but I never said it was Equestrian.” Twilight’s eyes widened further. “We can talk about it another time, Twilight. For now, let's just enjoy ourselves,” she said with a smile.

“Y-Yeah. That sounds best. I'm just hoping that Cirno has fun here and doesn't get-”

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED!” Cirno whined before slamming her head into the table she was sitting at, cracking her head a bit before it quickly healed.

Mystic Shield watched this nervously, having been assigned to watch over the fairy and make sure she didn't cause any trouble. Honestly he didn't know what she was expecting, he’d been to the Grand Galloping Gala five times as part of security and it was a snooze fest every year, just a place for nobles to butter each other up and flaunt what they had. Deciding he should nip any potential problems in the bud, he trotted over to her and cleared his throat.

“Um, are you ok, little girl?” he asked as gently as he could.

“Ugh, it's so boring! Sparkle Pony and the others all talked about this place like it was so fun, but it's not!” she whined. “Eye thought Eye’d at least get to pretty ponies doing fancy dances!”

“Well, the Grand Galloping Gala is more of a social event than an actual ‘party’,” he explained. When she just stared at him he continued. “You know, a place for people to talk and catch up or get to know each other. Discuss the current going ons in certain areas, that sort of thing.”

Cirno’s face brightened. “Oh! Eye get it now! You mean a sucking up party!”

Mystic Shield’s eyes widened in time with the gasps around him, which the fairy seemed completely oblivious to. “A… A what?”

“A sucking up party! You know, those things where young rich people try to say good things to old rich people so they like them!” she said before pointing to a group of mares. “Like how those ponies ladies are all telling that old pony lady that she looks pretty, but she’s wearing so much makeup it makes her look tacky.” She pointed to a group of stallions and continued, completely ignoring the reactions she was getting. “And how all those pony guys are laughing at that old pony guy’s horrible jokes because they want him to like him!” She then turned back to Mystic Shield. “Right?”

“Um… well… uh… that’s not…” he stuttered, clearly not prepared for her cutting through the fluff of noble politics in the way a child only could.

She then hopped off her seat. “Boy, this was a waste of time! If Eye knew it was this kind of party, Eye never would’ve come! And Eye wore this pretty dress, too,” she moaned as she flew out of the ballroom, still oblivious to the glares and shocked gazes as she flew out.

Mystic Shield was so stunned he didn’t notice the chaos around him until he heard a terrifying shout of “You’re going to LOVE ME!” As the bedlam he couldn’t keep the smile from his face, noticed several of his fellow guards had similar expressions.

After Princess Celestia had sent Twilight, Cirno, and all her friends home she called in every guard that was present in the ballroom to her throne. She closed the doors and cast a spell, her magic shimmering over the room before taking her seat. She cleared her throat before speaking.

“I’d first like to thank you all for your professional behavior in this… less than standard evening. You all did excellent in your duties and keeping to the disposition expected of you.” She began. “... you are now all free to do as you wish.”

The instant she finished that sentence they all burst out laughing, some so hard that tears were starting to run down their faces.

“Did you see their faces!? Oh that was brilliant!” one of the cried as he braced himself against the wall to keep himself from falling over.

“‘A sucking up party’, she said! Oh, that was so perfect!” another said as he leaned on his fellow guard for support.

“And the best part was that because she was a foal there was no way they could talk back to her without looking like massive flank-holes!”

Mystic Shield looked to his Princess, barely able to see her through the tears in his eyes. “Princess Celestia, you have to bring her back next year! This was the best Gala ever!”

Celestia chuckled along with them. “We’ll see,” she replied.

Author's Note

First, I'd like to apologize for how long this took. Life, and working on other stories, got in the way. Also, I couldn't decide if I wanted to try and have Cirno interact with other episodes or just skip ahead. For now, I'm just having her at the gala to give Celestia more of a reason to trust her, but I may add some chapters for previous events. I'm open to suggestions.

I'd also like to apologize for how short this chapter was, but I hope you can at least get some enjoyment out of it. I promise the next one is when things really begin to get interesting.

Anyway, between getting a new almost full time job, focusing on my health and working out, as well as a new semester of classes I'm gonna be pretty strapped for time, but I'm still gonna try and do my best. If you'd like to help in any way, well... I'll be putting up a blog in a few minutes...

Until then, enjoy this chapter everyone!

Stupid vs Crazy

The being woke from another of her naps, stretching her arms and cracking her neck before sighing. She took a swig of her drink, something the guards were never able to take from her, before getting up. She grabbed the bar on her cell and ripped it off with little effort. In her heart she knew she had waited long enough. She stumbled out towards the front gate, only to be med by the growling three headed beast, snarling and warning her not to make another move. In response she unleashed her battle cry of “AH, SHADDAP!” before slapping one of its faces hard enough to send it flying into the gate behind, breaking it open. She shielded her eyes from the light, the first she had seen in ages and walked outside.

“Allllllright,” she declared before hiccuping. “Ish time to shee what’s changed.”

Cirno had been having an odd day. It started off normally enough, she had been out freezing frogs and watching them thaw out. The suddenly one of the frogs began belching up lasers, the burning hot slice through anything kind. What had come next was an epic battle between fairy and superpowered amphibian… or so Cirno would’ve like to believe. What really happened was that Cirno barely managed to dodge the unintentional attack and instinctively froze the frog in response.

After recovering she decided to head back to Ponyville, only to notice the bizarre state everything was in. The sky was a pink checkerboard, houses floated upside down, and there were so many strange things going on she didn’t know where to start.

“Wow, Ponyville looks really different today… looks like fun!” she declared as she flew into the chaos. The first thing she noticed was a group of buffalo dancing in ballerina outfits, to which she quickly joined in, floating alongside them and pretending to be dancing on her toes. After a few seconds of this she noticed a flying sundae chasing down and trying to eat a cherry. Cirno immediately gave chase, trying to eat them both. She had almost gotten them when a baseball came out of nowhere and slammed into her head, shattering her. After a few moments she popped back into existence, annoyed. She huffed and decided to look something else to do, only for a giant waffle to fall out of the sky and smash her to pieces again.

“THAT’S IT! THIS ISN’T FUN!” she shouted just after she reformed. “Eye’m gonna find Sparkle Pony!” she declared and angrily flew off, too focused on her goal to notice that night and day had switched back and forth quickly. After a few minutes of searching she saw a bright flash in the distance and headed towards it. After a few moments she finally saw sho she was looking for. “Sparkle Pony!” she called, only to stop as she noticed something strange about her. The pony had some tiara thing on her head, and her colors were faded. She also seemed to be completely ignoring a pink cloud dripping chocolate rain on her.

Just then, some strange creature appeared in a flash next to her. He seemed to be taunting her so Cirno flew over as quickly as she could. “Come now, Twilight Sparkle.” He said as he took a cone and grabbed the pink cloud out of the air. “You’ve got to get into the spirit of things!” he took a lick from the cloud. “After all, this is your new home!”

Twilight turned around to look, also seeing Cirno. The fairy could see the hurt look in her eyes and rushed over, only to stop when she hear the pony whimper the words “Not anymore.”

As she trotted away Cirno felt her heart crack. She had become very attached to Twilight over her short stay, and was always happy to be around her. She was happy when she made Twilight happy, and to see her so hurt caused her a pain she could never remember feeling.

She was about to quickly fly over to try and cheer her up, only to hear the creature pump its fist and cheer. “YES!” He then threw his arms up and laughed.

Cirno stopped, her mind processing exactly what was happening. Once it fully registered her fists clenched, her brow furrowed, and she began to grind her teeth together. She stomped over to the creature. “HEY! YOU!” The creature stopped and looked to her, surprised. “JUST WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE!?”

The creature blinked a few times before smiling. “Moi? Why, I’m Discord! And who are-?”

“What did you do to her?” Cirno interrupted.

“Huh?”

“What. Did you do. To Twilight?” she repeated.

“What did I do? Oh nothing much, I just beat her!” he smugly boasted.

“Change her back. Now.” Cirno ordered, venom seeping into her voice.

Discord chuckled. “Or what?”

“Or else I’ll make you regret it.”

Discord just stared at her for a moment before laughing. “You? Just what are you going to do? Oh please, provide me some entertainment. This should be amusing.”

Cirno closed her eyes. “You. YOU!” Cirno’s eyes opened, her irises now green. “BAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Cirno raised her arms and fired a spread of ice energy bolts at Discord, who took that hit and fell back, much to his surprise.

“GAH! COLD!” he exclaimed. He dusted himself off as he got back up. “How rude! Do you know-?”

“BAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKA!” Cirno shouted, completely ignoring him and firing of blasts of ice bullets at him.

Discord floated and coiled himself out of the way of each blast. “Ok, that’s enough of that.” he declared in an annoyed tone, summoning a giant flyswatter which swung itself at her, only for it to be almost instantly frozen solid. “Wh-What!?”

“BA-KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Cirno shouted and began adding beams of ice energy to her attacks, one of them hitting the flyswatter and shattering it to dust.

“What the-? How!?” he shouted, summoning a giant bull made out of candy to charge her, which also was frozen and then shattered almost instantly.

“ICE SIGN: ICICLE FALL!” she shouted, her body glowing with blue energy for a moment before icy energy bullets began to fire from her in a pattern, shooting out to the sides before curving in.

“Oh yeah!?” Discord said before teleporting behind her. “Chaos Sign: Waffle Iron!” A massive waffle iron poofed into existence and slammed on Cirno, stopping her attack. “Finally!” Discord sighed in relief, only to notice the device was freezing over. “No…” It then began to crack. “No no no…” It then shattered to pieces, revealing the furious ice fairy. “WHAT ARE YOU!?”

“I’M ANGRY!” she shouted. “HAIL SIGN: HAILSTORM!”

Twilight had finally managed to return all her friends back to normal, adjust the “crown thingy” on her head. “Alright, we know what to do, so let’s do it!” she said.

“RIght!” the rest of the girls responded and they all ran out of the treebrary, only to stop when the noticed giant pillars of ice forming nearby, along with a familiar battle cry.

“BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA!”

“Oh my goodness! CIRNO!” Twilight shouted as she sprinted off in worry, temporarily forgetting everypony else with her. As the group crested over a hill what they saw mad their jaws drop: Cirno was fighting Discord. More than that, she was actually holding him off. Not by power, but by freezing and shattering anything her threw at her.

“CHANGE HER BACK! YOU CHANGE TWILIGHT BACK RIGHT NOW!” she shouted as she continued to fire freezing blasts.

“GO AWAY! THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF CHAOS I WANT!” Discord shouted back as she hurled giant versions of every kind of candy he could think of, all of the them freezing before they got close.

“CIRNO!” Twilight called, catching her attention. The fairy immediately stopped and turned to see her before crying and dashing over, practically tackling the unicorn over. “TWILIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!” she cried. “YOU’RE BACK! YOU’RE NORMAL AGAIN! I WAS SO SCARED YOU WOULDN’T GO BACK TO YOU AGAIN!” She continued to bawl as Twilight gently hugged her back.

“It’s ok, Cirno, I’m here now,” she assured her, stroking her hair. She then stopped and turned to Discord, her gaze hardening. “We’re all here.”

“Jeez, after that fiasco I’m almost happy to see you all again. But you know what?” Discord began, cracking his knuckles. “I think I’m going to need to get rid of you once and for-”

“HEY!” another voice called.

Everypony turned to see a new figure stumbling towards them. She appeared to be a similar race to Cirno, standing on two legs with arms and hands and even being around the same size, but there were some noticeable differences. For example, the being had no wings, but she did have two massive horns coming from either side of her head, like some kind of steer. The left one even had a blue ribbon tied on it. She wore a white blouse with the sleeves seemingly torn off and a red ribbon under her collar, as well as a dark purple dress white white flame-like patterns on the bottom that went all the way down to her ankles. Around her waist was a black studded belt and three chains connected to it, each one ending in a different ornament. One was red pyramid, another a blue cube, and the last one a yellow sphere. In addition were some white and frilly cuffs around her wrists and black shoes with red bows and white socks. Her hair was long and ginger colored, flowing all the way down to her calves and being tied off at the end with a white ribbon. On her head she also wore a red bow. Her eyes were brown and bleary, her face flushed red with a goofy smile on her lips. In her hand was the apparent reason why, a purple gourd with white talismans with red trimmings and a string attached to the top.

“Hey you! Ya, I’m talkin’ ta you,” she said as she stumbled towards Discord. “Did you, *hic*, did you do alla thish?”

“Why yes, I did.” Discord answered proudly.

“Aw, thash cool! This place looks waaaaaaaaay more fun than normal boring pony place,” the girl complimented.

“Oh, well, it’s nice to see somepony appreciate my work,” Discord said, glaring at the girls for a moment when stressing that one word.

“Buy ya know… thersh just one problem wit it.”

“A problem? What problem could there possibly be?”

“The problem ish *hic*... Ish that you… yer the only one havin’ fun.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah! Thish ish supposed ta be a festival! *hic* That meansh EEEEEEEEEEEEVERYONE should be havin’ fun!” As she dragged out that one word she spun around, holding her arms out to point to everything before nearly falling over. “Sho… Change it.”

“Change it!? Absolutely not!” Discord huffed indignantly.

“Do it… or elsh,” the girl warned, still seeming struggling to keep her balance.

“Or else what, shrimp?” Discord taunted, ready to snap whatever he thought needed into existence.

The girl took a log chuck from her gourd before putting it away. She then cocked her arm and threw a punch… which grew to the size of a chariot in an instant, slamming into the draconequus and smashing him through a house.

“What the hay!?” Rainbow asked aloud. She was about to continue, only to watch as the rest of the girl’s body grew to match the proportions of her now giant arm, reaching the size a building.

Discord groaned, shaking his head and getting ready to fight, only to see who was staring down at him.

The girl crack her neck. “Who ya callin’ ‘shrimpf’, ‘shrimpf?” she said, her smirk now predatory as she slammed her fist into her palm.

Author's Note

Hey, it updated! Don't worry, I should have another chapter up within the week. Hopefully a few days.

Not entirely happy with this chapter, feeling that maybe I skipped over some development or events to get it you there, but at least its out there. The next one should be more coherent.

And now we've got our first newcomer, Suika Ibuki! And yes, I said "first." Those who read the comments will know the original title for this fic was "Two Drunks and Two Dumbasses." Also, hope I made some subtle enough clues to things some of you my have been noticing before.

Anyway, hope you all enjoy!

The Cause, and Solution, to All of Life's Problems

"Alright, tough guy. Dun make this too eashy for me!" the girl shouted as slammed her open palm on the ground, trying to crush Discord under it. He quickly teleported away, appearing in the air behind her.

“Cool your head, you drunk!” he yelled and summoned four fire hydrants as big as she was, surrounding her and blasting her with tidal wave amounts of water from all sides. The girl responded by raising her fist and slamming it into the ground, destroying the earth and sending the fire hydrants flying, before quickly firing a barrage magic blasts at Discord, which he dodged by either teleporting or floating out of the way.

“Heh, you like to run, huh?” she said as she shrank back to normal size. “Try runnin’ from thish! Anti-Dishpelling Black Hole!” The girl shrank down to normal size, but also summoned a void of black. Like water rushing down the drain, everything was being pulled into the void, the winds picking up as it did.

“Whoa Nelly” Applejack shouted as she and the others began to be pulled towards it. Twilight cast a barrier around them, keeping them from being from being pulled in. Discord wasn’t as lucky, and had to constantly teleport himself away to keep himself from being sucke towards them.

“ENOUGH OF THIS!” he shouted. In a flash he was wearing a baseball uniform and dashed at the void before sending it flying with a swing from a bat. “Thank me that doesn’t make sense, or that would’ve never wor-”

“SHUPRIZE ATTACK!” the girl shouted, grabbing him by the face before jumping up into the air and swinging her arm. As she did rocks began to gather around Discord before he was completely hidden under a boulder sized ball of rocked which she slammed into the the ground, shattering it. Discord groaned, holding his head as he stumbled.

“Twilight, now’s your chance!” Spike yelled.

“Huh? Oh, r-right!” she replied, too caught up in the fight to remember what they had came for. “Come on girls!” The six of them tapped into the jewels’ energies, floating in the aid and shining for a moment before firing the rainbow beam of magic at Discord.

“What!?” he exclaimed, noticing his body slowly turning back to stone. “No! NO! NOT AGA-!” he didn’t manage to finish before his body turned back into a statue, the rest of Equestria going back to normal from the shockwave of energy, before he fell over, motionless.

“We got ‘im! Praise Celestia, we got tha varmit!” Applejack cheered.

“HEY! WHADDYA DO THAT FOR!?” the girl drunkenly stumbled over to them. “I WASH HAVIN’ FUN!”

“Um… Well, I’m sorry but, we had to turn Equestria back to normal and defeat Discord,” Twilight tried to explain.

“Wait… wuz he like… a bad guy?” the girl asked.

“Um, yes?”

“And you beat ‘im.”

“That’s right.”

The girl then smiled widely. “Then ya know wut that meansh! FESTIVAAAAAAAAAL!” she shouted, pumping both arms up into the air before taking another long chug from her gourd.

“I like her!” Pinkie said.

“Pinkie, darling,” Rarity rolled her eyes.

“Aww, I like ya too, pink thing,” the girl said before stumbling over and hugging Pinkie.

“Yeah, hugs are nice,” Pinkie said, hugging her back.

“Well, I guess this isn’t so-” Rainbow began only for a golden flash to interrupt her. They all turned and were shocked to see that Princess Celestia had arrived, smiling at them in approval.

“Well done girls, you… you…” she trailed off, seeing the other girl, her eyes widening in absolute shock.

“Um, Princess Celest-” Twilight started.

“YOU!” the Princess shouted, cutting her off as she glared at the new arrival.

“Oh, hey Shelly! Wassup?” the girl slurred, only for Celestia to levitate her off the ground before slamming her back into it, then stepping on her chest to hold her down.

“HOW ARE YOU HERE!?” Celestia shouted.

“C-Celestia!? What are you doing!?” Twilight asked in shock.

The princess remembered she was in the presence of her student and subjects, wincing as they saw the fear on their faces. “I’m… I’m sorry you had to see that,” she apologized before her gaze turned harsh again. “Twilight, remember when Cirno arrived that I asked you to keep a close eye on her? To be wary of what she might do, what powers she might have? This is why,” she explained motioning to the girl she had pinned, who didn’t really seem to mind, though that may have been because she was too drunk.

“Her?”

“This is Suika Ibuki, an Oni, one of the ‘Four Devas of the Mountain’, as she calls herself. And somehow, she escaped from Tartarus after more than a millenia.”

“WHAT!? SHE ESCAPED FROM TARTARUS!?” Twilight asked in complete shock, the other ponies and Spike looking just as shocked.

“Tartarus? Is that some kind of toothpaste?” Cirno asked.

“Uh, no Cirno, it’s a prison. A very old, very secure prison,” she explained. “But wait, what did she do that was so bad to put her there?” Twilight asked.

“I HAD A FESHTIVAL!” Suika happily proclaimed.

“... Say wha?” Applejack asked.

“Twilight, the reason I wanted to watch Cirno so closely is because of what Suika taught me and my sister. It’s not the damage they cause when they’re trying to cause destruction that’s the problem, it’s the damage they cause when they aren’t trying that we need to worry about,” Celestia said.

“What exactly do you mean, Your Majesty?” Rarity asked.

“From what I can tell each of their kind has a specific power or aspect they have control over,” she began, pointing to Cirno and Suika. “Cirno has power over ice, Suika’s power is density.”

“‘Density?’ Is that how she got big?” Rainbow asked.

“And made that black hole vortex?” Twilight added.

“I can do more than that!” Suika exclaimed, and in the next moment dispersed into mist, freeing herself from Celestia’s grasp before becoming solid behind them. “TADA! Oh, and I can do thish!” Suddenly a group of tiny Suika’s, only about a foot tall, popped out of her body and began to do a conga line together, their creator soon following suit.

“Aww, that’s adorable!” Fluttershy squeed.

“There’s one more thing her aspect allows her control over: population density. She can gather and disperse crowds of ponies, and even have some influence over them. And that is what happened a millennia ago in Coltland,” Celestia continued. “Suika used her powers in the village and influenced the ponies there to have a festival that lasted an entire week.”

“That sounds fantastically awesome!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“YEAH, IT WUZ!” Suika cheered.

“NO, IT WASN’T!” Celestia bellowed, cutting them both off and causing everyone to flinch. “This festival happened near the end of the autumn harvest season, right before winter. Because of the weeklong festival, they ate and drank nearly all of their supplies! If it wasn’t for my sister and I donating as much food as we could they never would’ve made it through the winter! THEY WOULD’VE ALL STARVED!” she yelled at Suika.

The oni actually looked saddened by why she heard. “... I’m shorry. I didn’t mean to…”

Celestia sighed. “... I know. That’s why, even back then, Luna felt guilty that we imprisoned you in Tartarus. But it was the only prison that could hold you.” Her gaze turned harsh again. “But it doesn’t change the fact that you’re too dangerous to be allowed to roam as you please.”

“Princess Celestia, please wait!” Twilight interjected, stepping forward. “I know Suika caused problems in the past, but you were worried about Cirno as well. You yourself said that Suika wasn’t trying to cause problems, and you didn’t want to give her such a harsh punishment. Give her a chance her in Ponyville, like you did for Cirno.”

Celestia was actually stunned that her student was willing to speak out to such an extent. “Twilight-“ she began.

“Princess, Suika fought Discord. She told him stop what he was doing, and when he didn’t listen, she attacked him.”

Celestia blinked for a moment, processing what she had heard before turning to the oni. “Why would you do that?”

“Becaush he wash a bad host!” she replied. “He washn’t making sure everyone wash havin’ fun!”

“... You can’t be serious.”

Suika stomped her foot, shaking the ground and breaking the earth beneath her. “ONI’S DON’T LIE!” she shouted angrily before hiccuping.

Everypony recoiled a bit at her outburst, then Celestia sighed. “Alright, Twilight, I see your point. But I can’t have her stay with you, you have enough to handle as it is.”

“Ah’ll take her,” Applejack volunteered.

“AJ?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“It’d be swell ta have somepony else ta help out around the farm, ‘specially if Big Mac or Ah get hurt like what happened in Applebuck Season,” she explained as she walked over to Suika. “But Ah’m gonna tell ya now, if you wanna party hard, yer gonna have to work even harder, understand?”

“... Do I shtill get to drink?” Suika asked with a bleary eyed gaze.

“If yer done with yer work, you can drink as much as ya. Ah’ll even throw in some cider for ya, jus’ don’t let Applebloom have any.”

“Nah, I got my own,” the oni said as she uncorked her gourd. “Wash thish,” she said before tilting her head back and pouring the liquid into her mouth. The alcoholic beverage kept coming… and coming… and coming.

“Oh gracious,” Rarity muttered.

Suika finally stopped, swallowing the mouthful she had before cheering. “ENDLESS SAKE!”

“So, that’s why you wouldn’t let us take it from you,” Celestia said.

“Oh, and Shelly, I want that over thing back. You know, the black box thingy?”

Celestia sighed. “Fine. I’ll get it for you. Honestly, I’m surprised it lasted so long. On one condition: No. Festivals. Without. Permission.”

“AWWWWWWWWWWWW!” Suika whined.

“Promise me!”

“... Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.”

“Don’t worry, new party friend! I’ll make sure you have plenty of parties to keep us all happy!” Pinkie assured her with a hug.

Suika linked her arm around Pinkie’s neck, choking her as. “A like you,” she said, smiling as Pinkie’s face turned blue.

“This is going to take some getting used to,” Celestia muttered. Although I guess I should be happy it’s only her. I need to talk to Luna and Shining Armor, make some preparations for who’s no doubt coming next...

Author's Note

YES! I MANAGED TO KEEP MY PROMISE AND RELEASE THE CHAPTER WITHIN THE WEEK!

I'm afraid this is gonna slow down a bit, as I need to figure out more shenanigans to happen is season 2, but I promise I already have some ideas in place. I appreciate your patience, everyone.