A Delicate Discussion with a Post-Time Displaced Disciple
Dear Princess Celestia,
Sorry to bother you about all this. I know how busy you usually are, but I'm getting really worried about Twilight. She hasn't been the same since we came back with Starlight Glimmer. She doesn't go out much anymore, and I think when she does it's mostly to try and placate me and the girls and stop us from worrying too much about her. We know something is wrong and we've tried talking to her about it, even Starlight's taken a crack at it to try and help, but every time we bring it up Twilight just tells us she's fine and it's like she's just humoring us until we give up and let it go so she can get back to whatever she's working on.
We both know how she can get when she's in full Workaholic mode but it's like lately she's gone past that into full on Secretive Obsessive Workaholic mode. Every waking moment if she's not writing something down, reading some book, or doing the humoring us thing, she's sending letters off to Cadance or other places and won't tell me what she's working on. I haven't had to scribe a letter in days and she mostly just hands me the sealed envelop and tells me who to send it to. I want to open them up and see what she's doing but I also don't want to invade her privacy and make her mad either, so I'm stuck.
Can you just, I dunno, come talk to her? See if you can get some answers?
Hanging In There,
Spike
Princess Celestia read over the letter again, humming to herself as she swirled a cup of warm tea. Twilight was acting strangely again, hmm? In itself that wasn't out of the ordinary. Paradoxical as that statement might appear, anypony who knew Twilight for an extended period of time couldn't help but pick up on her various neurosis.
But for Spike to have sent a letter to her about his concerns, her behavior must have taken a true turn for the worst. Rolling up the scroll and setting it aside, she called for one of the guards outside and asked that he relay a message to her sister that she'd be going out for the evening.
She discovered to her disappointment that Spike was not exaggerating when he told her of how tired Twilight was starting to appear. Her mane was in a disheveled state and the way her body appeared to sag as she lay writing gave her an appearance of a pony who was exhausted. Luna had assured her that Twilight was indeed sleeping, but from the state she was in whatever sleep she was getting was not restful.
According to Luna, Twilight's dreams were often clouded from her sight after her return, most likely the work of some mental ward to prevent somepony from looking into her mind. This was not unusual in and of itself, Celestia had similar wards on her mind, as did Cadance, and a few others who knew the spells and had something to hide. Granted, the spell as it was known to the public was more a placebo effect than anything where Luna was concerned. With a simple effort, Luna could pierce the veil of the mind to see what was being hidden from her, often without the dreamer discovering the intrusion.
Celestia would have asked her sister to pry further into the dreams to perhaps gain insight into what was troubling her student as of late, but Twilight had politely asked Luna some time ago not to come into her dreams uninvited. Luna wanted to respect her friend's wish, and while her sister was certainly concerned, mere concern was not enough to have Luna break her Twilight's trust when she had done nothing wrong and was suspected of no wrongdoing.
"How have you been, my faithful student?" Celestia asked, with a warm smile.
Alas, her hopes to have it returned were dashed as Twilight did not even look up from her desk as she answered. "I'm fine, Princess. Just getting some work done."
Celestia did not allow the curtness of Twilight's reply to phase her, walking over to stand by Twilight's desk. "And may I ask what you are working on?"
"A few proposals and suggestions to Cadance." Twilight said simply.
"What about?" Celestia asked, peering over Twilight's shoulder to glance at the document herself.
"A request to examine and study how the Crystal Heart amplifies and projects emotion." Twilight answered with a sigh, her horn lighting up to bring a glass of water to drink. Once she'd drained it, she continued. "Ideally with the intention of finding a way to make it into a renewable source of endless Love that can be used to make peace with the changelings."
Celestia couldn't help but smile. Perhaps Spike had been mistaken in his fears that Twilight was beginning to go off the rails again. She could certainly use more sleep, that much was certain, but it didn't mean she'd gone off the proverbial deep end. "Interesting. And you think this will help us make peace with them at long last?"
"If nothing else it will solve their famine and make them dependent on the Empire and by proxy, us. " Twilight replied. "We'll offer it as an olive branch of forgiveness and friendship. And once Chrysalis acts out, which she's bound to do, we'll pull on their leash."
Celestia blinked, not liking where this train of thought was taking them. "Their 'leash,' Twilight? You talk as though you mean for them to be subservient to us, rather than equals."
"Of course they'll be treated as equals." Twilight assured her. "But Chrysalis and the Queens that come after her will also understand that they have to play by our rules." She held out one foreleg to her side, as though pointing to an invisible door behind her. "They play nice and the love keeps flowing." She held out the other leg to indicate another imaginary door. "They start scheming and causing trouble, and suddenly there's a shortage of food." She shrugged and brought her forelegs back to the floor. "They can decide if they want the carrot or the stick, but they'll fall in line regardless."
The spitefulness in Twilight's tone as she explained her plan did little to sooth Celestia on Spike's concerns about how Twilight was handling things since her return home. "That is... very manipulative, Twilight."
"I know." Twilight's lips twitched into the closest thing to a smile that Celestia had seen out of her tonight. "Fits, doesn't it?"
Perhaps Spike was more correct than he realized. "Do you know why I'm here, Twilight?" Celestia asked.
"I can guess." Twilight replied, starting a new page. "Spike sent a letter, didn't he? Something about me being a workaholic and him being worried?"
"It's not just him. Your friends are becoming very worried about you, Twilight." Celestia said quietly, regarding her. "And seeing you here now, I begin to share their concern."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Twilight snapped irritably, surprising Celestia.
"It means you have not been yourself since you've returned from your adventure with Starlight Glimmer." Celestia replied. "Whom I still feel is in need of discipline for her actions. I do not doubt your decision-"
"Yes you do." Twilight interrupted with a scowl. "You wouldn't be telling me what to do if you didn't doubt it."
It had been almost a century since anypony in Equestria had interrupted Celestia in such a manner. Much less somepony like Twilight who was notable for her respectful demeanor. Something was indeed very wrong tonight.
"Fine."
Celestia was very quickly becoming tired of that answer. "Forgive me Twilight, but you seem very agitated tonight."
"Do I?" Twilight answered, pausing in her writing for a moment before continuing. "I'm sorry."
"Are you sure you're alright?"
"Yes."
"Then why are you being so short with me?"
"Because I'm working."
Celestia closed her eyes and took a moment to calm herself, before raising her voice. Perhaps it was time to be direct. "Twilight Sparkle, you and I both know that you are an excellent multitasker. Now, look at me when I am speaking to you." Celestia noticed an almost imperceptible twitch in Twilight's eye before she put her quill down and turned to face her. Now looking directly at her student, Celestia could better read Twilight's face. There was a focused attempt on her part to hide her expression, but Celestia knew her too well. Twilight was upset about something and come Tartarus or high water she was going to get to the bottom of it. "What has gotten into you tonight, Twilight? In all the years I've taught you, you have never acted out in this manner before. Please, tell me what's wrong?"
Twilight didn't answer for a moment, staring back up at Celestia before answering the question with one of her own. "What are you going to do if Tirek escapes again?"
Celestia blinked at her. "I beg your pardon?"
"What." Twilight repeated, more slowly and now more openly showing a measure of quiet irritation. "Are you going to do. If Tirek escapes Tartarus again?"
Celestia masked her confusion well, not seeing how this question was relevant. However, she chose to indulge her student as perhaps this would lead to her actually explaining herself. "I have personally seen to the tripling of his guard in Tartarus. It is extremely unlikely he will ever escape again."
"But what if he does?" Twilight asked again, insistently. "What is your plan? What measures have you taken to make sure he can't go around draining ponies until he's strong enough to put us all in danger again?"
Celestia considered the question for a moment. "I suspect the same plan as before will suffice. Once we are aware of his escape, we will ask Discord to retrieve him. I expect he will have learned his lesson from the last time the two interacted so it will be unlikely that he will get far enough to challenge us again."
Twilight appeared to turn that answer over in her head a few times before speaking again. "What about another changeling army?" She asked.
Celestia regarded her student, still not sure what the point to this line of questioning was. None the less she gave her answer. "We are monitoring the activities of Chrysalis and her hive. If she raises another swarm to attack Equestria, as you fear, then we will meet her with full force. Without a source of love as potent as Shining Armor, she will not have the means to stand against me again."
Again Twilight appeared to mull that answer over in her mind before firing off another question with a frown. "If the other nations betray us and war breaks out, how will we defeat them?"
Celestia stared at her before a frown of her own crossed her face. "You cannot be serious, Twilight."
Twilight's frown became a glare. "I'm absolutely serious! If the other nations turn on us and attack, we need to have a plan to defeat them!"
Celestia could not believe what she was hearing. "Twilight, we cannot go through life expecting that those we trust will one day let us down! Certainly not our neighbors and friends!"
"Wrong!" Twilight raised her voice, almost startling Celestia with it's fierceness and the anger in her tone. She pointed an accusing hoof at Celestia. "You've said as much yourself, Princess!"
What was going on here? What in the world was Twilight talking about? Not wishing for this to become a shouting match, Celestia returned her tone to it's normal level, but did not hide her continued confusion. "I have never said any such thing, Twilight!"
Twilight's horn lit up and for an instant Celestia almost thought Twilight meant to attack her. Instead, a book flew off it's shelf, coming to rest in front of her. Pages flipped by until it found the appropriate one and Twilight began to read. "Your speech from the Posidian Accord, where the Griffon Kingdom and Equestria entered into a treaty of peace that has lasted to this day." Celestia closed her eyes, thinking back to that day and recalling it vividly before Twilight continued. "And I quote; 'There is no such thing, nor has there ever been such a thing, as an absolute and timeless enemy. This is because our enemies are thinking, feeling creatures the same as us, all trying to find their own sense of happiness-"
"-and fulfillment in the world." Celestia said, recalling the speech aloud. They began reciting the speech together. "With this knowledge, our enemies can only be called such in relative terms, dictated both by our actions and the times we live in. And because of those relative terms it is always possible for an enemy to one day come to stand as your friend.'" Celestia opened her eyes again, and found herself offended that those words of peace were now being used to argue for suspicion and mistrust. "Yes, I remember those words, but I still do not understand how in the world you turned them to mean that we should be suspicious of others, Twilight."
"Because if we can only call ponies our enemies in relative terms, then it is only logical that the same can be true of our friends." Twilight answered coldly. She then began reciting the words again, changing them before Celestia's very eyes. "There is no such thing as an absolute and timeless friend, because all of our friends are thinking and feeling creatures the same as us, all trying to find their own sense of happiness and fulfillment in the world."
"That's enough." Celestia muttered, staring down Twilight and willing her not to continue. Her was already beginning to see where this was going and she did not want to hear it.
But Twilight refused to obey. "With this knowledge they can only be our friends in relative terms, dictated by their actions and the times we live in. And because of those relative terms-"
"Stop it, Twilight!" Celestia commanded, her eyes narrowing angrily, desperate to make her stop before she said something she would regret.
And again Twilight defied her, staring her right in the eyes as she said it. "It is always possible for a friend to become your enemy."
A silence fell over the room as Twilight and Celestia stared each other down. Celestia could not believe was she was hearing. For her student to not only have fallen into such paranoid insanity, but to then twist her own words, words that had brought a peace between two opposed races that had lasted until this day, to justify this paranoia? These words were offensive, if not heretical to everything she'd ever preached. And worse they were her own words. Twisted and changed about to fit this perverted mindset. It sparked a cold fury within Celestia' heart, made no better as she could see it written on Twilight's face that she believed everything she was saying.
What in the world could have caused a change so drastic in her student?
Celestia realized her own growing agitation and stood up straight, taking another moment to compose herself. Now was not a time for anger. "What happened to you, Twilight?" She asked softly. "After all the lessons you've learned, all the letters you've written to me about friendship, that same friendship that allowed you to become the princess you are now, how can you ever come to say and believe such a thing?" She met her student hard gaze again, her anger now replaced a calm but sad disappointment. "I do not understand it."
"And that's the problem." Twilight snapped back, mistaking the softness in Celestia's tone to mean she had defeated her mentor. "You don't understand. You can't see all the ways things can still go wrong!"
"And you have?" Celestia asked quietly. "Perhaps I have been asking the wrong questions tonight. What did you see?"
"What?" Twilight asked, apparently startled by the question.
"What did you see?" Celestia asked again. "This change is too sudden and too drastic to have come from anything but a monumental shaking of your faith in your beliefs, and I can think of but one recent event that could have caused such a crisis of faith." She kept her tone soft and gentle, trying to coax Twilight to keep talking. "What did you see, Twilight? Help me to understand."
"You can't understand." Twilight muttered bitterly, turning away from her.
"I've been around longer than you will ever know, Twilight Sparkle." Celestia replied, allowing herself to show a measure of her cold anger at her student's disrespect. "Try me."
Twilight stared back at her, searching her face for something before an unwelcome sneer crossed her face. "Fine. You wanna know what I saw Princess? I saw what happens when everything goes wrong. I saw what happens when I'm not there to save the day and when you don't have any sort of back up plan if everything goes straight to tartarus!"
You're our leader, it's your job to have a plan in place. To know exactly what to do!"
Celestia closed her eyes, refusing to show any exasperation at the illogic of such a question. She was beginning to realize that this line of questioning was not coming from the rational mind of her faithful student but of a stressed and traumatized mare who desperately wanted everything to make sense again. And while Celestia had no intention of becoming Twilight's scapegoat tonight, she also recognized that it was perhaps time for a more gentle approach rather than continuing to argue with her.
"I fear that that is not a question that I have an answer to Twilight." Celestia said, holding up her hoof before Twilight could interrupt her. "Nor is it a question I've ever had cause to face. You do exist Twilight. You have existed for quite some time and you have changed and you have been there to defend our world on numerous occasions." She opened her eyes and smiled gently. "Now, if I may ask a question of you in turn: Why do you think it would ever cross my mind to question such a thing?"
"Because-Because you don't have a plan! You're always supposed to have a plan! If you don't everything goes wrong! If I disappeared-"
"Then I, your friends, your family and the whole of Equestria would tear through heaven and earth to find you again." Celestia interrupted her. "Has your sense of self-worth fallen so far that you truly believe that if you disappeared we would go on without you and leave you to whatever fate had befallen you?" She gave her a wry smile. "Give us some credit, Twilight."
Celestia's gentle smile remained as she approached her crying student and settled down next to her. "You do not know how long I have waited for you, Twilight Sparkle. Your birth. Your growth. And the fulfillment of the destiny that I foresaw in you so long ago." She placed a wing over Twilight's back, just as she used to do when she was younger. "And I suppose, in my blind wish to see you grow, that I have asked too much of you of late. You have learned so much my student, and you have experienced so much more. Perhaps more than you were ready for and more than you should have."
She nuzzled her head. "But if you believe in nothing else I say, then believe in this: You are better than you think you are, Twilight. You've nothing to feel guilty for and nothing to regret. Do not distract yourself with the what-ifs, the should-haves, and the if-onlys. In my long experience, it is better to focus on what simply Is."
"I left them behind!" Twilight bawled, burying her face in her hooves. "I could have tried to help them but I left them all behind in those terible worlds!"
"You made a choice." Celestia told her quietly, gently lifting her head from the ground and turning Twilight to face her. "One that was not coerced. To question a decision that you cannot go back on is not only useless but harmful. Such doubts will chain your mind to an endless cycle of useless speculation and helpless regret." She ran her foreleg through Twilight's mane. "They are chains that I know well Twilight, and they do not suit you."
"Do you think I have not been where you are now?" She asked with a light laugh. "Do you think that I have never once looked back upon the long tapestry of my life, the things I have said and done, and found myself wanting? Believe it or not, I do not, nor have I ever had, all the answers. My knowledge is vast, my experiences long, but that does not make me omniscient, much less perfect. I imagine if I were, Starlight's Cult of Equality would not have ensnared nearly as many ponies as it did and you would not have had to endure such hardship."
"Consider this, Twilight. The rise and fall of nations can be decided by a choice made in the fraction of a second, Twilight." Celestia said. "If this is so, how many seconds can you afford to spend mired in regret?"
