“So what was it you wanted to tell me?” asked Fluttershy, who took a sip from her coffee, keeping herself warm in the freezing winter weather. Both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash sat on a wooden bench in Ponyville’s park, after Rainbow Dash had finished brushing snow off the top of the bench with her wing.
“Oh. Right. That,” Rainbow Dash murmured slowly before taking an unusually long sip of a large cup of black coffee. She put it down beside her and glanced at it awkwardly. Rainbow Dash then stared out from where her and Fluttershy sat, trying to avoid eye contact with her and instead gazed at trees, and ponies who trotted by on the paths that were coated from last night’s snowfall.
“Rainbow Dash, please tell me,” Fluttershy said in a firmer tone. She had known Rainbow Dash long enough to know when she was unnerved, and could see the apprehension in her friend’s eyes.
Rainbow Dash sighed, set the cup down on the table and looked across the table at Fluttershy. The cup was now empty, but she knew that Fluttershy would not let her leave without telling her. Well, not unless she jumped up right there and then, wings thrashing, ascended like a bat out of hell and fled to the mountains. Fluttershy would have no chance in keeping up with her.
But Rainbow Dash would have to come home eventually, and Fluttershy knew where she lived. Fluttershy would also see Rainbow Dash again because their other friends frequently invited them both to get-togethers, like Pinkie Pie at her many parties. Fluttershy already knew that Rainbow Dash had a secret, and it was too late for Rainbow Dash to back out of telling her.
Fluttershy was easily concerned and might assume the worst. Rainbow Dash didn't want her friend to be indefinitely worried about her, and besides, Rainbow Dash knew she had to tell somepony. Keeping it to herself was painful, and Fluttershy was her oldest friend.
Rainbow Dash swallowed and blurted out, “I love Scootaloo!” She then immediately looked down at the ground in front of the bench.
Fluttershy lifted an eyebrow, "Do you mean you love her as a friend and sister, or..?"
"Physically, and romantically," said Rainbow Dash ashamedly.
Fluttershy said nothing for a couple of seconds. Judging by the look of contemplation on her face, Rainbow Dash could tell she was thinking about what to say next. "Have you told anypony?" Fluttershy finally asked.
"No," Rainbow Dash shook her head. The shamed and embarrassed expression on her muzzle seemed to be the only thing she showed.
"Not even Scootaloo?" Fluttershy was a little hopeful that she might not have revealed her feelings to the filly.
"Are you crazy?! If she knew, things between us would get really, really awkward and she'd probably not want to see me again!"
She flinched at the tone of voice, but shook it off and softly said, "You don't know that for sure."
"But do you know how young she is? A mare shouldn't go after a filly her age," Rainbow looked away, eyes closed in her shame filled expression.
"Um, how young is she exactly?" asked Fluttershy curiously.
"Too young!" snapped Rainbow Dash, who sighed and held her head in her front hooves. She let her mane cover her face and heard Fluttershy hum in contemplation.
"Is it just Scootaloo you've felt this way for?" Fluttershy asked.
Rainbow Dash looked up to see a look of genuine sympathy on her friend's face. "Yeah, pretty much," she nodded, "I’ve felt for Scootaloo. And this feeling… this lovey dovey stuff is something I haven’t felt in a long time.” she paused, “Are you not surprised I like mares?"
"I'm more surprised you like foals." Fluttershy admitted with a shrug.
"Okay, fair point. And so what if I do?" said Rainbow Dash, trying to be as unabashed as she could.
"Why not ponies your own age? Is it just mares? What about Soarin? I saw the way you were looking at him in Shining Armor and Cadance's wedding," said Fluttershy hopefully.
"Oh, yeah. Umm, no," Rainbow Dash said. She had no problem talking to Fluttershy about things that were personal, but she was telling Fluttershy a few secrets. Secrets that if they were to get into the wrong hooves had the potential to ruin her life.
"You always said you were too busy for romance—" Fluttershy began.
"That was a lie," Rainbow quickly interrupted,"I'm sorry for lying to you, Fluttershy, I really am. But I wasn't ready to tell the truth. And I wish the truth wasn't what it is. Soarin is handsome and cool, but I wouldn't ever date him. I don't fantasise about him either! I like fillies. Colts never excited me in the same way fillies do."
"Fillies? Not mares," said Fluttershy matter-of-factly.
"Yeah..." Looking down she slowly shook her head."Fillies. Please don't tell anypony."
"I won't. I promise you Rainbow Dash. But I think you need to talk to Twilight about this. She might b--"
"What?!" She quickly closed her mouth and gazed around, watching as everypony looked at her for a brief moment until they returned to their own activities. Rainbow removed a hoof and murmured "It's difficult enough telling one pony. I don't wanna tell two! What if she tells someone? What if she tells Celestia? My life will be over if she does!"
"She won't. She's your friend, just like me," said Fluttershy encouragingly.
"But why do I need to tell her?" huffed Rainbow Dash.
"You have a problem, Dashie. It's probably more deep-rooted than you think. She'd be the right pony to talk to," Fluttershy was right in that sense, Rainbow Dash thought, since Twilight did know about quite a few different topics.
Rainbow Dash groaned, "Fine, if you really want me to. That egghead might've read one or two books about this."
"Good," Fluttershy smiled reassuringly "And one more thing."
"Yeah?"
"You've never, um, acted on your attractions to fillies, have you?" Fluttershy asked. She looked a little bit flustered at asking such a question.
"Have I… really, Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash deadpanned, giving Fluttershy a sideways glance.
“Sorry…” Fluttershy murmured, the redness on her muzzle grew a little brighter. “I know it’s not nice of me to assume, but as your friend I wanted to make sure.” Rainbow Dash looked away, but shook a little when Fluttershy wrapped her forelegs around her. “Don’t worry, Rainbow Dash. Twilight might have an answer for you, so don’t give up hope.”
She separated from the rainbow-maned pegasus and said, “Well, I better get back to the cottage. Good luck, Rainbow.” With that she tossed her cup into the trash and gently flapped her wings, slowly taking off towards the left side of the Everfree Forest.
Rainbow Dash sighed, flattening her ears against her head. “Yeah… thanks.” Rainbow could only hope that Twilight could help. She just prayed that her friend wouldn’t feel any different towards her.
~~~
That afternoon, Rainbow Dash found herself lying atop a red velvet couch in the corner of Twilight Sparkle's bedroom. Her eyes were narrowed in annoyance and her face flushed. Twilight Sparkle sat beside her on a wooden chair, wearing her thick-rimmed reading glasses while levitating a familiar quill and clipboard in her purple magical aura.
"So, you're attracted to fillies?" Twilight Sparkle asked. She then scribbled a few notes on the clipboard, and paused while waiting for Rainbow Dash's answer.
"That's right," said Rainbow Dash plainly. A drop of black ink fell from the nib of the quill and splatted on the floor. "Right now it's just Scootaloo that I have my eyes on. But before I got to know her, it wasn't any other filly else in particular. But I knew I was attracted to them," The blush on her muzzle grew brighter by the second.
"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm," nodded Twilight Sparkle while making more notes on her clipboard. It suddenly hit Rainbow Dash that she had told Twilight Sparkle all of her feelings towards fillies, Scootaloo in particular, and had barely even realised it. Talking about her problem was becoming easier the more she did so.
"Are you sure you were attracted to nopony in particular before you met Scootaloo? Who did you have sexual fantasies over?" Twilight Sparkle asked intently.
"Woah!" Rainbow Dash jumped up at the first mention of the word 'sexual', "Who said anything about that!?"
"It's nothing to be embarrassed about," Twilight soothingly patted Rainbow Dash on the head. "Everypony has sexual fantasies. And since you said you like fillies..."
"Okay, okay, fine!" Rainbow slapped Twilight's hoof away, "Yes, I did, okay? Mostly about fillies I knew from back when I was a foal. Sometimes I thought of Fluttershy from back in flight camp when I had a major crush on her. Sometimes when out flying I'd see fillies and think of them later. I was so sad, because I knew that I'd never see them again, not that I was romantically attracted to any of them. Just physically. But then I met Scootaloo! She's always happy to see me,"
Rainbow Dash looked up at the ceiling while Twilight Sparkle continued with her note-taking, filling the room with the irritating sound of the quill scratching on paper. "Have you read any books on this sort of thing?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Books on the psychology of pony sexuality? Yes, I've read quite a few," Twilight replied, Rainbow Dash giving her an eyeroll. "So did you tell anypony besides Fluttershy before coming to me?" she asked.
"Nope. Rarity and Applejack are out of the question because they both have little sisters. Could you imagine how they'd have reacted if I told them I fantasise about little fillies?" She then imitated Applejack’s voice, "Stay away from mah sister!" She then held her right hoof in front of her, imitating Rarity’s mannerisms,, before saying in the most quintessentially Rarity voice she could muster, "It's nothing personal, but we need to think of what's best for Sweetie Belle."
"I get the idea," Twilight Sparkle cut in. "And Pinkie Pie?"
"I don't know her as well as I know Fluttershy. Besides, she's not the best at keeping secrets,"
"You're not wrong there," Twilight nodded. "So how long have you liked fillies? Is this a recent thing?"
Rainbow Dash shook her head, "It's not recent. When I was a foal there was nothing 'different' about being attracted to other fillies. Okay, well,” she added in an undertone, “not every girl is a lesbian, but it’s considered normal for a foal to like other foals. Things changed when I got older and started to notice other fillies in a different way," Rainbow Dash's face crumpled before she blurted out, "the way I think about fillies never changed." Her eyes became moist, but with Rainbow Dash being Rainbow Dash, she fought back her tears.
At the unmistakable sight of Rainbow Dash's sadness, Twilight set her clipboard down on the floor and put the quill back into its little pot of ink. "I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash." She murmured
Rainbow Dash twisted around on the couch to look at Twilight Sparkle with a single tear sliding across the fur on her cheek. "Thanks, Twilight," she croaked. "You know, I wish I didn't turn out like this. I just want to be like everypony else."
"I understand," said Twilight sympathetically.
Rainbow Dash sat up, "But you're smart, right? You've read books on this stuff! Do you think you can fix me?"
Twilight Sparkle shook her head sadly, "I'm afraid not. We can talk about your feelings to better understand them, and maybe make you feel better through doing that. But actually changing who you're attracted to? That's beyond my abilities."
"I see, okay then," Rainbow Dash said slowly before she looked at the floor sadly.
"Well, you could talk about what exactly it is you like about Scootaloo, or all fillies, for that matter," Twilight suggested, re-levitating her clipboard and quill.
Rainbow Dash sighed and said, "Fillies are all just so innocent and cute," she was subconsciously smiling, talking about what she liked, "I love watching them play and laugh together, making me wish I was there with them. I want to kiss them and make them happy. And Scootaloo, well at first she was no exception, but she's long since become more than that as we got to know each other. She's the first filly I've met since becoming a grown mare that I've been able to build up such a connection with."
"I see," Twilight Sparkle continued to make notes, "and is there anything else about fillies? Anything sexual?"
Rainbow Dash winced at the mention of the word ‘sexual’, but swallowed and continued talking, “Yeah, sexual. If you really want to know what kind of fantasies I have, I like the thought of being a sadist who takes fillies’ innocence. I want to teach them about sex and how to please a mare and introduce them to all sorts of stuff.”
Twilight levitated the quill and clipboard in place without making any notes as she stared at Rainbow Dash. "Erm, okay.” The worried tone in her voice was almost just too noticeable for Rainbow Dash. “And do you think about doing any of that to Scootaloo?"
"I do, but, it's all fantasy. I wouldn't actually do it. It's illegal after all." said Rainbow Dash.
“I doubt she’d consent to it either.” added Twilight. “Sadism...” She commented while scribbling something down.
"Will you stop taking notes about me!" shouted Rainbow Dash.
"Oh sorry." She hastily put the clipboard back on the floor and the quill in its pot. "I just thought it would help. Taking notes is what therapists do!"
"Whatever, egghead." Muttered Rainbow Dash before saying, "I'm not a complete sadist, Twilight. I don't want to simply molest Scootaloo. I often stay up late at night thinking of what it would be like to take her on dates, and just cuddle with her. If we were dating we could take things slowly before we move onto stuff in the bedroom. Isn't that how healthy relationships develop?" Rainbow Dash let out a wistful sigh, “I honestly wouldn’t know.”
"But she says you're like a sister to her! Doesn't that make things a little too weird?" Twilight asked, becoming increasingly flustered the more Rainbow Dash talked about her sexual fantasies about a foal.
"No, it turns me on." Rainbow Dash stated bluntly, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Okay, but she won't be a foal forever. Will you still feel this way about her when she grows up?" Asked Twilight.
"So long as it's Scootaloo, I think I can love her no matter how old she is," Rainbow Dash shrugged, not knowing what else to add.
Twilight Sparkle tried to regain her pragmatic, intellectual composure as she said, "Rainbow Dash, I feel bad for you. It really must be... so frustrating having to keep so many desires and urges hidden away like that. You've had to keep it all to yourself for such a long time, it must've been maddening!"
"Yeah," Rainbow Dash chuckled sadly. "You got that right. Masturbating doesn't help if there's nobody to cuddle up to afterwards." She groaned, "Twilight, why is my love for Scootaloo so wrong? Why can't we be together?"
"Her body is still changing," Twilight simply said, "Foals at her age have a lot to figure out, as you may remember. A physical relationship between a filly and a grown mare can cause some adverse effects for her later in life."
"Argh, I wouldn't want that for her." Rainbow Dash shook her head and wrapped her forelegs across her chest.
"I've seen you and Scootaloo together quite a lot. If you really do control your urges when you're around her then that's pretty impressive," commented Twilight.
"Well, um, about that..." Rainbow Dash scratched the back of her neck.
"Go on," said Twilight seriously.
Rainbow Dash looked to the floor and rested her head in her hooves, partially covering her face, as she talked slowly, "It was when Rarity, Sweetie Belle, Applejack, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and I went camping at Rainbow Falls. I took Scootaloo under my wing when she got scared in the middle of the night. I was already attracted to Scootaloo by then. She's just not like the rest of the Crusaders and other fillies. So there I was with her under my wing, I felt so safe with her, and loved knowing that I was making her feel safe too. It's a wonderful feeling, Twilight. When we arrived back at the cave we were camping in, she asked if we could come into my sleeping bag so we could sleep together. Of course, I said yes."
"Then what happened?" Asked Twilight Sparkle, leaning forward on her chair.
"It was really nice," Rainbow Dash continued, taking her face out of her hooves and smiling slightly. She wasn't talking nearly as slowly, "we snuggled up together. She nuzzled my chest and said my wings were like a big fluffy blanket when I wrapped them around her. She's a badass on the scooter, but when it comes to cuddling, the girl is a complete softie! I booped her nose with my hoof, which made her giggle and say that I was the best big sister ever. I'm not usually bashful, but that made me turn my head away and give her a sideways glance. That's when Scootaloo kissed my cheek, making me blush like mad! 'I made Rainbow Dash blush!' She gasped. Not to be outdone, I leaned up and kissed her on the cheek. 'There, now you're blushing too!' I declared. We both started giggling and couldn't stop until we got the hiccups," said Rainbow Dash with a wistful smile on her face.
Twilight was also smiling, "That sounds wonderful, Dash!"
"Yeah, then after she fell asleep, I did something I'm not proud of," said Rainbow Dash, once more slumping her head down in her two front hooves and looking at the floor, away from Twilight, "I sniffed her behind. Scootaloo fell asleep on top of me, she said I was like a big warm pillow. And she was snoring soon enough. As gently as I could I rolled her to the side of me, stood up, and unzipped the sleeping bag. My heart was pounding and my legs were shaking when I stood behind her. I'd never seen a foal lying down all splayed out and still for me. It turned me on, Twilight. I felt excited by it," Rainbow Dash stopped talking. She had years to come to terms that she liked fillies, but actually talking about it out loud seemed to tear open a lot of old wounds.
"You don't have to continue," said Twilight Sparkle, as gently as she could.
"It's okay, maybe I'll feel better if I tell somepony," sniffled Rainbow Dash, looking at Twilight, "I bent down behind her, and got a good, long whiff of her musk. I sniffed both Scootaloo's vagina, and her butt," Twilight Sparkle could tell that Rainbow Dash was ashamed as she talked, judging by the look on her face. Rainbow Dash continued, "Scootaloo trusted me to keep her safe, which made taking advantage of her feel more... exciting. I had the urge to lick her down there. Yet, I refrained from doing so."
"And why's that?" asked Twilight Sparkle.
"Because I don't think I would be able to live with myself if I did," said Rainbow Dash, "So instead, I just smelled and ogled at her privates. I jumped back at the first mild twitch in her sleep, terrified of being caught, zipped the sleeping bag back up and crawled back into it. Nopony suspected a thing."
"I see," said Twilight with her eyes narrowed, "did you have any other, um, incursions with Scootaloo?"
"Yeah, one more," Rainbow Dash recalled, "It was the first weekend after she got her cutie mark. I was so proud of Scootaloo that day! I wanted to tell her how I truly felt about her. I didn't, thanks to a bit of self-control. Anyway, I treated her to a day trip to Canterlot. The smile on her face was so adorable when I told her where we were going! I don't know if she feels the same way, but I think it was the happiest day of my life. I felt like we were a real couple. We wandered through museums together and strolled through parks. She said the Canterlot parks would be an awesome place to bring her scooter, and even offered to give me a 'crash course' on scootering. I bought her a couple of dresses, and a velvet jacket to wear in winter that perfectly matches her mane. It was a busy day!"
Rainbow Dash continued, a smile on her lips. "No wonder she fell asleep on the train home. I sat by the window, so when Scootaloo fell asleep, she fell asleep on me. She snored gently while I held her close under my wing and ruffled her mane with my hoof. The carriage was empty. Ponyville is a few stops away from Canterlot and it was a late night train. Everypony had already gotten off. I wasn’t in my right mind, and kissed her on the lips."
Twilight Sparkle's mouth hung open.
"That was Scootaloo's first kiss," said Rainbow Dash plainly, "she stayed asleep. She doesn't know that I kissed her," Rainbow Dash paused as she thought back to what the kiss felt like, "It was the first time I'd ever kissed someone I loved. The whole thing was over in three seconds, but it was amazing, Twilight. I want to do it again."
"You took advantage of her.” Rainbow flinched at the sight of her friend, shaking in place; a sign that only showed she was restraining her anger.
"I know! I'm sorry! I guess I just lost control in that brief moment."
"I think it would be best if you tried to distance yourself from Scootaloo." Twilight furrowed her brow.
"What?!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash.
"You're a danger to her. If you've kissed her and were that willing to fulfill your own desires, who knows what you would do next time you’re ‘not in your right mind!’"
"I won't do anything!" said Rainbow Dash in desperation.
"You can't guarantee that and you know it," Twilight took a step forward to Rainbow Dash.
"This is what I get for opening up to you?" Rainbow Dash muttered, standing up.
“Where exactly are you going?” asked Twilight, frowning as she followed where her friend walked to.
“Our ‘session’ is over. I need time to think,” Rainbow Dash huffed.
“Rainbow Dash, wai--” The door behind Rainbow Dash shut and she walked away from Twilight's castle with her head down. For once, she didn't feel like flying. Instead, all Rainbow Dash wanted was to find Fluttershy again. She needed somepony to show her kindness more than anything. She was beginning to feel like seeking help from Twilight was a mistake.
As she trudged through town looking down at her hooves, Rainbow Dash’s ears swiveled forward, eyes widening at a voice, the one pony she wasn’t ready to see at the moment.
"Hey, Dashie!" The filly said happily, "Why do you look so glum?"
Rainbow Dash's priorities suddenly shifted. She no longer wanted to find Fluttershy. Instead, she wanted to get home as fast as she could. "Sorry, Squirt," Rainbow Dash looked at Scootaloo with a sincere and sad look on her face, "I don't want to be a danger to you."
Scootaloo lifted an eyebrow, "Huh? Danger? What are you talking about?" But Rainbow Dash wasted no time blasting off into the clouds, doing everything she could to not be seen with Scootaloo. Rainbow Dash feared the consequences of Twilight seeing her talking to Scootaloo, and the implications it would bring on herself and their friendship.
When Rainbow Dash reached her cloud home, she flung open her front door, entered, and slammed it shut. Once safely inside her cloud home, she trotted up the stairs to her bedroom, flung herself on her bed and let herself have a good cry.
