Star Horse: The Friendship Awakens
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Star Horse Episode IV: The Frienship Awakens
During Season 2, in an Equestria far far away, Twilight Starhorse plotted her ascendancy to the throne. However, during a sleepover with her friends, Rainbow Speed turned out to actually be a giant centipede, leaving the sleepover in ruins. Meanwhile in Rarity's secret, underground boutique, work has begun on new, dress-based technology that could finally give the resisties the upper horse hand in their war with those bag guy horses...
Despite being in space, Sweetie Belle's face grew flaccid, softening like dough fresh from the oven as she lolled herself into a false sense of security. "According to our space sonar, there are no bad horses in the sector," she explained for whatever reason it is that drives sniveling mortals to do things while simultaneously implying that herself and perhaps onlookers are currently in space, likely on some sort of space-fairing vessel.
"Who are you talking to?" Wondered Scootaloobacca, who's covered in hair like all horses, except she said it in an alien language that sounded more like she was gurgling hornets, but everyone understood her because in the past people were ambidextrous, so they could understand multiple languages, maybe even all languages. Horses nowadays are just too lazy to do that.
"Yes," agreed Appl3-bloom, who's actually a horse-shaped robot probably, but you can't tell because she just looks like every other horse, then she began beeping instead because that's how robots talk, and also the 'yes' just sounded like an English word but it was actually robot language too that meant something totally different.
"Haha," Sweetie Belle laughed, likely at some incomprehensible joke from Appl3-bloom, but it beats me! "...," she said as she stopped laughing, realizing all too late that the gentle beeping of the sonar had flat lined. She looked down at the instrumentpanel, two words cleverly combined to describe a panel with some sort of instruments, perhaps musical in nature, and gleaned a lot of information in a single glance. Then she glanced for a second time and it all started sinking in. The pieces fell into place and everything finally made sense.
"Oh no!" She practically cried, and also literally cried as tears streamed from her gaping tear ducts as death was imminent and all mortals fear death, "apparently the bag guy horses warped right next to us while I wasn't paying attention." They can do that, it's canon.
"They're pulling us in," said Scootaloobacca who had a laser crossbow because that's not fucking retarded. I mean it is fucking retarded. "With their tractor beams," she continued, explaining further for Appl3-bloom who's a bit slow. "In space," she lamented, probably confirming now that they actually are in space and not just a space-like place or somewhere reminiscent of space.
The whole ship shook, as the enemy ship mounted it, penetrating its entrance with just the tip of its boarding bridge.
"B-but, I'm a virgin," their ship said, blush cells furiously radiating heat from its fuselage.
The bad guy ship, that looked like a giant space dorito, knew a blatant lie when it saw one. She'd probably been boarded by every ship in the sector. A smuggling ship like herself got around, and dealt with some shady customers. It just hoped it didn't get pubic droids. "You're not fooling anyone, now turn your head and cough," it said romantically as it penetrated all the way into the entrance, but it didn't actually say anything because it's an inanimate object, you fucking idiot.
Sweetie Belle grabbed her zappy gun, then dropped it on the floor because horses don't have finger prints with which to grip objects. Then the door exploded, and a hundred, no, a thousand, bad guy horses stormed in, all with matching plastic dollar-store-space-armor that looked really lame if I'm gonna be honest, and they shot Appl3-bloom with their zappy guns forty times. They shot her 40 times. That's as many as four tens and that's terrible.
"Wooooo," screamed Appl3-bloom as her robot guts melted leaving both myself (the narrator) and you (the audience) to wonder if it was a 'wooooo' of excitement or pain. Her character hasn't been developed enough for us to know whether or not he/she/ze enjoyed that kind of thing. Sadly, we may never know.
Sweetie Belle reached for the sky, or the ceiling I guess since the sky is just a myth in space, in a clear gesture that she was unarmed. "Woah, hold your humans. Don't blast me, I'm too young to die," she lied. Even young people can die. Especially really young people, even from common diseases that an adult like yourself wouldn't worry about. That's why it's always important to vaccinate your children. It's also the law! Crime never pays, kids.
Thankfully for her, they didn't zap her even once, and she remained thoroughly unzapped as a new figure boarded their noble vessel. It was gangly and disgusting, and covered in dark blue fur. Then, it took off its mask, revealing its ugly, misshapen face and malformed head horn.
"Oh gross, put the mask back on Princess Lunar," exclaimed Scootaloobacca, revealing that the visitor was none other than the lunar princess.
Princess Lunar was self conchshell about her looks and the fact that she's the worst princess, and arguably worst character altogether, in the entire show, I mean universe. She's basically useless and has a piss poor character design that just looks terrible. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if the person who designed her had a heart attack while swimming in a creak and tragically drowned, and the thought always brings a slight smirk to my luscious lips.
She put the mask back on, much to everyhorse's relief. "I've come looking for a robot horse that has a map, or something. I don't know, the plot is kinda iffy right now," she explained, breathing heavily through the air filtration system in her mask. Boy was it hot wearing that thing, and the visor was always fogging up.
"Sweetie Belle pointed to the corpse of Appl3-bloom," said Sweetie Belle, as she pointed to the corpse of Appl3-bloom, which was leaking vital, robogoo all over the nice carpet. The first stages of decomposition were already setting in as billions of tiny robot bacteria began breaking her body down, and it was really starting to stink.
"Aw jeez," said Princess Lunar as she realized her mistake. "Now we'll never find Twilight Starhorse."
Then Scootaloobacca, who can never tell a lie thanks to her son's birthday wish, just like that one movie, butted in, "She's on Equestria."
Princess Lunar nodded as she jotted that down on her handy, dandy notepad, drawing a little picture of Equestria so she wouldn't forget. "Okay, thanks."
"So, does this mean we're free to go?" Wondered Sweetie Belle, who was itchin' to get back to smugglin'.
"I suspose," said Princess Lunar, who'd got what she came for, "but you two have to promise me that you guys will turn over a new leaf and, despite being portrayed as the good guys, you won't lie to and murder literally every non-main-character you come across like a couple of ravenous animals."
"Okay," agreed Sweetie Belle, who had her fingers crossed behind her back.
"Okay," said Scootaloobacca.
Then, with that finished, the bag guys exited the ship and went back to doing whatever it is they do.
"Wait," said Sweetie Belle, who gave her orange horse friend a questioning look, as though she was about to ask a question. "I thought you could never tell a lie?!?!"
"I lied about that," she explained, and they both laughed for a hundred, no, a thousand hours.
