I Guardian

by realmjumper

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Romance, Mystery, Adventure
Length: 11743

I don't know much about ponies, but when my dying father declared that I was next to protect a herd of talking mares, I found I had to learn quickly.

Hello. My name is Mike. One day I received a cryptic letter from my father that sent me into the world of Equestria. Now, after his passing, I've found that I am the new Guardian of a herd of talking, pastel colored mares who I know nothing about. What did he mean I'm a Guardian? And what do I know about talking ponies?

Rate: M for language and mature/dark themes
Author's note:

This was a project of mine that I started a while back, and haven't gotten to again. I don't know when I can write more on this, with work, my apprenticeship and school starting up again, but I'd like to dip my hand back into the thought pool and write this fun idea of a story.

If you like, let me know, and please be patient as it may be a while before then next installment.

(on hiatus for various reasons which include: writer's block, work, and other projects.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-28 08:03:50 UTC

Letter from my father (edited)

I suppose to start it all off I should state a few things. First off, I didn't know anything about Equestria before the letter. Second, my father and I have never been close. The fact that I got a letter from him was just as strange as the idea of talking candy colored ponies. And finally, it never once entered my mind that I'd have a herd to protect.

Now that I have gotten that out of the way, let me begin my story.

My name is Mike. Mike Jackson. Yeah, I got teased about that in middle school. I'm 27 and a dishwasher for the Cheesecake Factory. Let me tell you, it's one of the hardest, most thankless jobs I've ever done in my life, not to mention the filthiest. You see, a lot of people think that working at such a renowned restaurant is so great. 'Do you eat a lot of cheesecake?' is the most ask question I get. After the twelfth time of saying 'no', it's gets annoying. Even though I'm a “dishwasher” I often act as a cleaner, emergency prep hand, French fry scooper, and a “HOLY SHIT! WE NEED THIS!” guy. Most days I come home stinking like sewage in the wee hours of the morning, but hey, that's life for you. You have to do crappy jobs to get by in this economy.

So, on one fateful night, after closing at 1:30 am, I stumble into my small, one bed, one bath apartment and sank into the computer chair. It was one of my nicer pieces of furniture at my place. It was steal at a thrift store, otherwise, everything in my place was cheap. Cheesecake Factory money at work.

I was starting to fall asleep, when I felt my pocket vibrate. Must be Kevin. Fighting with my pocket for a few seconds, I finally fished out my cellphone and read the little front display before flipping it open with a “Yo.”

“How was it?” Kevin asked. He was anxious to know about the new guy on the dish crew.

“Like a fire hose up the butt. Okay, so the new guy, Tony, he sucks. I mean he sucks bad. He's slower at the pans than Miles, and he seems to have even less of a thought process.”

“Fuuuuuu- we're screwed.”

“Yup. Why can't management hire anyone who actually knows the difference between hot and cold water?”

Kevin laughed. “They're management! What the hell did you expect?”

“You're right. Still. At least they could have hired someone who moves quicker than a Sunday driver.”

That got a chuckle out of Kevin. “Well, hang in there man. Good things come to those who wait.”

“Wait for what?! I'm barely surviving here! My rent is due tomorrow, and I'm not sure if there will be enough after for both gas and food. I'd rather not eat Ramon for the rest of my life.”

Silence fell over the room as I breathed out my frustrations.

“I've been working there for more than a year now, and they still haven't offered me a promotion or a raise...I'm the hardest worker there and they-”

“Give you a pat on the back when they see you, then just trample all over. Yeah I know. I know.”

Of course he knew. When he didn't see it himself at work, he heard all about how I had to come to the rescue and save everyone's ass because morning crew couldn't do a freakin' thing. For a while, we both were silent.

“Well, it's late.” I finally said. “I think I'm going to shower and hit the sack.”

“Okay, sounds good. I'll see you at work tomorrow night. What are you?”

“Cleaner. That is if they don't change the schedule before I come in, like the last three nights.”

“Yeah. Well, night.”

“Night.”

With a heavy sigh, I snapped my phone shut and went to shower. I always felt better after a hot shower. Half hour later, I settled down in front of my laptop to kill my prissy mood with a few youtube poop vids. Those always make me laugh. It was then that I noticed the letter.

That was odd. I didn't get the mail on the way in, did I? Most nights I was too tired to remember to get it from the front office. Picking up the envelope, I looked at the address.

Mike Jackson.

That was all. It didn't have the address of my apartment, nor did it have an address from who sent it. It kinda creeped me out, but I was curious at the same time. Curious because I knew that hand writing for some reason. With a shrug I ripped open the white envelope and pulled out the single folded up sheet of paper.

'Dear Mike,

It's been a long time since I've heard your voice or even I've seen your face. I wish I could say all this in person, but that is not possible. I'm sorry. I wish I could have been in your life more. Maybe your mother was right about me, that I just keep stumbling from mistake to mistake. But, my son, you are not a mistake. Even if I cannot see you, or never see you for the remainder of what life they say I have now, I am proud that you are my son. I might not know what you do, or what you have done, but I know that you are a good man, at least that is what I hold on to every day.'

My throat seemed to swell with unwanted emotion as my brain took all this in. My father was writing me, after nearly twenty years of silence. Part of me felt like an eight year old who was happy just to hear daddies voice, but I shunned that part of me, feeling anger and resentment for what the coward had done. He just up and left us one day. Mom didn't say why, even though I had questioned her most of my life about it. Even though she claimed she didn't know, the hardness in her eyes said differently. I bet she thought he ran off with some younger woman, but after fifteen years of asking, I finally let it drop, and tried to move on with my life the best I could, which isn't really saying much.

'I know you must have asked why I left your mother,' well no shit. 'I even wonder why I gave up the best thing that had happened in my life, but I did. I can't turn back and undue what I did. But, son, I don't have much time. I've gotten cancer of the lungs, and they say that it's terminal. I was given eight months to live. That was more than seven months ago.'

My heart stopped. Dad? Cancer? Seven months ago?

'I had to set my personal affairs in order before sending you this, and I'm sorry that it had to be this way. I would explain more, but that would only cause more confusion. At the bottom of this letter is a seal. All you have to do is place your hand on it and you'll understand.

I hope to see you before I pass, but if not, goodbye son. I've always loved you and missed you all my life.

James Jackson'

I sat back, emotions raging through me. That bastard! How dare he write me after all this time and expect my forgiveness! Wait, was he asking for that? Rereading the letter quickly told me that was not what he was asking. Fact of the matter was that in his attempt to not confuse me of what he wanted only confused me of what he was trying to say. But two things were certain. He had lung cancer and, if the letter is be believed, I just had to touch the seal at the bottom of the letter to understand what he was trying to say.

I looked at the starry crest at the bottom of the letter. Tentatively, I reached out my my hand to touch it. I paused before I put my hand on it. What was I doing? Here I got a tear jerking letter from my father, that explained nothing, and now I was just going to take his word that touching a shiny bit of tinfoil was going to make me understand something that he can't just come out and say?

I got up and tossed the letter on the table. I was too tired for this crap. I headed off to bed. That should have been the end of it, but I couldn't sleep. For some stupid reason, reading the letter that my father had written to me had gotten under my skin. Even more was what he said about the seal. Really what was the harm in just touching it? I mean, what was the worst that could happen? Nothing. What would probably happen? Nothing. So what did I have to lose? Nothing. That seemed right.

But then there was the whole problem of how the letter got there in the first place. The only person who had keys to my apartment was the land lord, and he'd never come in to place a simple letter. It just didn't make sense, but the more I tried to not think about it, the more my mind raced about it. With a groan, I threw off my blanket and walked over to to the table, talking to myself, as I sometimes do.

“Okay, we're going to touch the stupid thing, nothing will happen, and we're going back to bed.” It seemed simple enough. “Absolutely nothing is going to happen, got it? Nothing whatsoever.” Picking up the paper, I placed my hand to hover over the seal. “Nothing....Nothing will happen.”

Then why was I so unnerved about it? It didn't make sense. This was so stupid. I pressed my hand against it, subconsciously bracing myself.

“There...Nothing is ha-” My hand sank through the seal. “What the-” The sinking hand pulled the rest of my body through, like the crest was a vacuum of some kind. It happened so suddenly and fast that the last thing I remembered was feeling weightless before all went black.

Pain. My body was in pain, but mostly my head. What had happened?

“Shhh, he's comin' 'round.” Someone whispered.

“He looks cute.” Another whispered back in a girlish giggle. “Is he the new guardian?”

“Sure hope not.” The first voice replied. “He ain't look like much. Bet he ain't rustled with a timberwolf before.”

In my disorientated mind, I was able to perceive a few things, other than my splitting headache. First, these two were girls. I know, brilliant deduction Watson! Second, the first speaker had a southern accent that would be pleasant to listen to, if it wasn't for the contempt and disappointment in her voice. Third, and most likely the most important was, my headache was starting to lessen enough to reply, but keep my eyes closed.

“If by Timberwolf, you mean the basketball team, then you're right. I haven't played them, unless you count in video games.”

There was a pause. “Basket...ball? What in tarnation is that?”

“Oh, Oh! Is it a new game of some type? I love games! Can we play? Can we, Can we, Can we?!”

Somewhere a door opened, and the odd sound of clopping could be heard. I kept my eyes closed, as my brain was still upset with me for….whatever happened earlier. It was clear enough to think, but still fuzzy enough to accept all this talking without wondering why I was suddenly talking to two girls.

“Girls!” A third voice chimed in. Her voice was lighter than the others, and somehow held a hint of command that I only hear from managers at work. “He's asking for-” From the sudden halt of her speech, I was noticed. There was more of that strange clopping sound. “I see you got the letter...Please, come. We don't have much time.”

Slowly I opened up my eyes. The world around me was blurry, like I had sleep in my eyes. A few blinks later and the room I was in started to come into focus. I was laying on my stomach, being eyed at by three...ponies? That's not right. I blinked again, and sure enough they were ponies. One was an orange coated mare with long blond hair, no mane- ponies had manes- tied at the end with a red ribbon. On her head was a Stanton hat. You know, the classic cowboy ones? The pony next to her was pink. From her fluffy mane to her hooves she was all pink, the only relief of the overbearing color being her light blue eyes. The last mare through me for a new loop.

The first thing I noticed about her was that she was purple. Yeah purple. And she had a horn on her head. A long, very sharp looking, horn. I was too fixated on the horn to notice much else about her.

For the record, I don't do drugs, though I've had a few really weird dreams in the past. Maybe this was one of my weirder dreams. Yes, that was it. It was fine. I'd ride this out until I woke up and- Something touched my side. The touch was hard and cold. Of crap this wasn't a dream! With a yelp, I sat up and scooted back against the wall.

“Wha-What's going on?!” Looking around wildly I could see that I was not in my apartment. Kinda obvious since I'm talking to ponies here. “Ho-”

“Calm down.” The purple horned on said calmly, putting up a hoof. “It's okay.”

“Like hell it's okay!” I was panicking. “I'm surrounded by horses who talk! That's not natural!”

“We're ponies, not horses.” Orange coat snorted.

It all didn't make sense to me. How could this be real? I had touched something on a stupid letter from my father who had left twenty years ago, and now I was in a room with three talking ponies, each of various colors. Did I fall and hit my head or something? Was I hallucinating?

“Girls, you're scaring him.” The purple horned one grumbled. Over her shoulder I could see them shuffle uncomfortably, not to far away from the door. The door!

I lunged for it, feeling my fight or flight senses taking over. Before I could reach the door, the door opened up, revealing a pony unlike the others. First off, she had wings, and her mane was that of a rainbow. Remember what I said about not doing drugs?

“Twi, he's calling for you.” She simply stated. After nodding at something behind my back, she turned and started trotting off, leaving me with a myriad of emotions to run through me. With the other three mares behind me, I had little choice but to follow her.

Turns out that I was in a house of some kind. Because I was distracted by the colorful, four legged creatures around me, I didn't realized that there was an odd assortment of furniture placed about the wide space. Most of if looked like throw pillows and small tv tray tables, for ponies use, I guessed, with some chairs that were clearly meant for humans. A quick look told me there was no electricity, nor running water.

Oh how much I wish this was a dream. A very real feeling dream. I don't think I could survive without in house plumbing.

The cyan colored pegasus led me to a room, where a man, in his early fifties it looked like, was in bed, surrounded by two other ponies, each sitting on the far side of the bed, teary eyed. The man, who till now had his eyes closed, opened them at the sound of our arrival. He smiled softly at the purple one, Twi I think her name was, holding out a hand to her, which she practically galloped to, nuzzling it affectionately. Then his eyes shifted to me. I knew those eyes. Those green eyes, that I hadn't seen for so long. His face broke into a smile. A weak, but joyous smile.

“Mike,” His voice was deep and raspy, as if each breath hurt. “Son. How glad I am to see you one more time.”

Something deep inside me wished he wouldn't look at me that way. Tears filled his eyes, like I was the most precious thing in the world, in his world that was now falling apart. I didn't want to move, but the nudge in the small of my back pushed me forward towards the beside. I didn't know what else to do. I knelt down beside this dying man, who was my father, and held his hand.

“I'd like to tell you everything,” He wheezed, “but as you can see, I'm a little short on breathe.” His chuckle turned into a wracking cough. The ponies around him looked at him, ears drooping. “But, Twilight here will fill you in on the important stuff.”

Twilight's ears dropped at this. Her horn glowed a little, seeming to ease the old man's pain, but that seemed all she could do anymore. Her eyes welled with tears that she tried in vain to hold back, as if trying to be strong. She looked pitiful like that, staring at the man, plainly wishing that he didn't have to die. He let go of my hand and patted her head.

“It's okay Twili. I'm sure Mike will take care of you all better than I could. Maybe even find you a nice stallion to have some foals with.”

A silent shock of electricity ran through me. Take care of them? Me?

The man looked to me, holding out his hand again. “Mike, this is important, please lean forward.” Confused, I did. He placed his shaky hand on my forehead. “I, James Jackson, guardian of this herd, to give my blessing to you, Mike Jackson, my son, and charge you with the responsibility and duty to protect this herd with your life. Treat them well, and they will respect you as they respected me, and give you their love and trust. Never betray them. This is my last act as their guardian, and my only request as the father you never had.”

I felt something. Something in my heart. It's strange to put it in words, but it was like a key was fit into a lock, but not yet turned. I was touched, yet...I felt...betrayed. All my life, as long as I could remember, I had only the vaguest knowledge of my father. Now that I had the chance to meet him, to confront him for leaving, to ask him so many questions I had, he only shifted his responsibility to me.

The hand on my head slipped off, to the bed with a soft thump. Looking up, I saw his glassy eyes staring at me. The man had passed from this life, and from the smile on his face, he had left in peace.

All around the bed, the candy colored ponies began to cry and whinny at the loss of someone important. Someone they loved. Pangs of jealousy pricked at my heart, as I stood, feeling like a stranger at the deathbed of my own parent. Without a word, I left the room, trying to figure out just what the hell happened and how was I going to get out of it. What did I know about taking care of ponies?

Politics of Equestria

Needless to say, I didn't get very far in my endeavors to escape. After walking through the house, which seemed odd that a pony, talking or not, would live in a house, I arrived at the front door. I wasn't thinking of what I would see when I opened it, but the overly blue sky, with white puffy clouds being pushed by winged equine and the dirt road with four legged, candy colored creatures trotting next to humans was certainly not in any thought of what I'd see when I opened that door. A sloth riding a mouse while farting out a rainbow would have been more expected.

I must have stood at the door for a minute before I shut it.

“...the hell?” I opened the door again, still seeing the strange mixture of ponies and people. I closed the door, my mind blank, and then opened it again. Yup. Still there. Well shit.

“It's not going to go away just by shutting the door.” A voice told me from behind.

“I know.” I admitted closing the door. “But...” My mind was so wrapped up with processing what I had witnessed that fear and panic seemed to have missed the last train of thought. I was oddly calm about all this.

“Listen.” It was then that I turned around to see the purple unicorn, Twilight my dad called her, resting on a throw pillow behind me across the room. Her eye were red and puffy from tears, but the look in her purple eyes were strong and determined. “There's a lot I have to catch you up on, so if you please, I'd like to not draw this out longer than it has to.” Those strong eyes wavered. “And we still have to prepare for the funeral.”

A funeral. A funeral for a dad I never knew. For a parent who abandoned me and my mother. Anger boiled over.

“Right.” I snorted. “Yeah, sure. A funeral sounds great. Just the thing I want to talk about. Hey, I know, why don't we all sit around and talk about how great my daddy was? Oh right, he never was around!”

“He was a great man!” Twilight snapped back, rising to her hooves in his defense. “He meant the world to me and the girls, and we want to respect him properly!”

I couldn't help it. I laughed. A very hard, sarcastic laugh. “OH Riiiiiiight! Because he was such an upstanding guy. I see. It's not like his wife mattered. No. Or his son. Yeah, his son didn't mean a thing. Talking ponies on the other hand, now that really means something. Yeah, I can see how he was great. He always wanted to be an animal lover, or so people tell me. I wouldn't know, cause I never knew him. Well, I guess he got his wish, because he sure spent more fucking time with you talking things than he ever did with his actual family!”

I didn't mean to yell the last part, but with a chance to vent it all, it just came out. The other ponies, concerned about me yelling at Twilight I bet, came out of the grieving room to see us staring each other down.

“You know,” Twilight retorted. “If you knew of whom you spoke of, you'd see that he was twice the man you could ever hope to be! He was strong, caring, ki-”

“Blah blah blah,” I mocked with my a hand. “Right, accept for the part that the bastard didn't give enough of a shit to divorce my mom. No. It would be fine if he wanted to leave us penny-less. Perfectly acceptable, but you see he didn't. He just disappeared. He just fucking disappeared. It was like a magic trick. Now you see the failure of a father, now you don't. Where did he go? To a land where ponies talk and shit rainbows.” I clapped my hands. “Bravo. Bra-fucking-vo. Do it again! And now, we're going to give him cancer and make his son take care of his shit. Oh Encore! Encore!” I dropped all my antics, giving them all a deadpan look. “Do you get it? I don't know anything about him other than he fucked my mother and disappeared when I was eight. I barely remember him, and for that I could careless if he's alive or dead. The fact that I have to take care of you things just makes me hate him more. Want a funeral? Fine. Go ahead. I want no part. You ponies are on your own, while I try and find away back home.”

We all stood in silence as I finished my rant. The pink pony with the puffy hair, looked at me hurt, her hair somehow deflating. The cowgirl pony stood defiantly tall, which meant she only came up to my chest. The yellow pegasus just cried softly, huddling with the white unicorn, who was glaring daggers at me. The rainbow maned pegasus pawed the ground, like she wanted to attack, but I wasn't worried. I had taken over fifteen years of martial arts, and was black belt, so it would take little effort to redirect her charge away from me. Twilight, however, worried me.

The entire time I yelled at them, she had kept her composure. She didn't blink or flinch when I started cussing up my dad's 'good' name, and she didn't look worried that I wasn't going to 'take care of' them like daddy had asked. No, she just stood there, patiently waiting, as if something was going to happen.

A full minute went by, when reality set in. I wasn't home. I was in a place where ponies could talk and fly and shit! Holy fuck! What the hell was I going to do! It seemed that panic's brother, terror, finally hit me.

“You can go home whenever you like.” Twilight finally spoke, but now the strangeness that she could talk, and that we somehow shared the same language freaked me out so much, I flinched. “But when you do, let me know. I still haven't figured out that spell and I'm awfully curious how a human with no magic abilities could trans-locate himself across worlds on his own.”

There wasn't much point of conversation after that. Twilight left the room, followed by her five other herd mates, my wards I guess, leaving me where I stood. I couldn't go outside. No, I was not ready to face other talking things with hooves and tails, nor could I speak to my own kind because this wasn't my world. Hell, they could just look like humans, but really be bags full of tentacles that would rape me up the ass if they knew that I wasn't like them. Why did I touch that fucking letter? Really. My life was shit enough without all this. I had an over charged credit card, no chances with the ladies and my best friend was getting married to a chick I chased around when we were in high school. Talk about awkward.

In the end, I didn't see much of a choice in the matter. I followed them into the other room. The ponies were preparing a meal of some kind. Twilight was reading a recipe book while the cowgirl- or would she be a cowmare?- was whisking something in a bowl. I couldn't help myself. I snorted. All the ponies, with the sole exception of Twilight, looked up from their various tasks.

“How goes the trans-world relocation, Mike?”

That stung. “Yeeaaahhh, about that,” How do you tell a group of animals that you really don't know what you're doing right after you tell them that you want nothing to do with them? “It seems that I have no fucking idea what I'm doing. I don't know how I got here, and that makes it a bit difficult in trying to get back home.”

“Have you tried pulling your head out of your plot?” Rainbow mane asked. I ignored that.

“Well, if you're just going to stand there, can you help Dash set the table?” She looked up, and her purple eyes met mine, stating very clearly that she sympathized with me about something and a deeper level than I knew. “I tend to make a little too much, so there will be some for you too.”

Oh fuck. I that wasn't a slice of humble pie, I don't know what is. Feeling more than a little ashamed, I helped rainbow mane with setting plates, forks and cups on the long oak table.

“Sooo,” I glanced around at the candy colored ponies. It was looking at a handful of skittles. “Sorry about earlier.”

“Sounded like ya' had a lot on yer' mind, sugarcube.” Orange coat replied, not taking her eyes off her work. “An' Ah'm sure that may be true from where ya' stood, but there's always two sides to the same bit, if'n ya' know what Ah mean.”

I didn't want to hear that, but if these ponies were going to give me a meal, I should just swallow what pride I have. Well, still have.

“I take it you have names?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“Ah'm Applejack.” Orange coat announced. “Ya'h already know Twilight,” She nodded to Twilight. “The pink one is Pinkie Pie,” Saw that one coming. “The yellow pegasus is Fluttershy. The white unicorn is Rarity, an' that's Rainbow Dash.”

I nodded, taking in the face with the name. “I'm Mike.”

“Oh, we know.” Pinkie Pie, smiled sadly, tears still in her eyes. “James talk a lot about you.”

“He did?” That...surprised me. “Well...I don't know what about.” I brushed off. “He left when I was eight. Not like he saw me graduate college or win any karate competitions.”

“Karate, eh?” I looked over my shoulder to see Rainbow Dash had an eager grin on her face. “Got any moves?”

Without thinking I picked up a fork from the table and twirled it deftly through my fingers, flipping it up and...dropped it. Rainbow erupted in a fit of laughter, falling on her back, and rolling side to side. My face flushed.

“I like to see you twirl a fork with no fingers.” I muttered. Unfortunately, I said that a little too loud.

“Easy.” And with bound, she jumped to her hooves and snatched up the slender fork with a wing, and proceeded to flip it between the pinions of a wing. Figures.

“Dinner's ready.” Twilight announced, pulling the spotlight away from Rainbow, who was proving just how incapable I was at twirling a fork. “Come on girls, lets eat.”

The spread wasn't large, but it was enough. Roasted carrots, sprinkled with brown sugar, a kale, lettuce and cabbage tossed salad with some vinaigrette dressing, and some baked potatoes, with butter, salt and pepper. And to drink, we had the freshest, most crisp tasting water I had every had in my life.

I guess I was staring, because the yellow one, Fluttershy, gave me a kind smile. “I hope you save room for dessert later. Applejack makes amazing apple pies with whipped cream.”

Apple pie? Whipped cream? If it wasn't for that fact that I was in a new world where ponies talked, I'd be in heaven. I LOVE apple pie!

“If you don't mind me saying.” I smiled back, taking a bit of a cooked carrot. Tasty. “I thought you would be eating hay or something for dinner.”

That made the Pinkie Pie laugh. “Well, we live with humans, silly. I don't think I've ever seen a human eat hay for anything.”

“Fair point.” Looking around the table at all the others, sitting, talking amongst themselves, it almost seemed like something you'd see on earth, only people instead of ponies. With a sigh, I let my head sink into a hand. “Man. I just can't get over the fact that this is real.”

Twilight looked away from a quite conversation with Rarity, that was the white one's name, right?

“Mike. If you don't mind, can I speak to you in private?”

All conversations stopped around the table, as if they all understood a deeper level of the phrase than I did.

“Uhhhh, sure.” I agreed, slightly nervous about how the others were acting. I stood up and followed Twilight, who trotted into the next room, which was study of some kind. I wasn't really paying attention to what was around me, trying to focus more on the pony who wanted to talk to me. A pony that could talk. Oh boy, that was going to take some getting used to.

Twilight walked over to a throw pillow and indicated that I sit in the chair next to it. She stayed silent as I took my seat. I could see her thinking of how to put what she wanted to say into the right words.

“I need to explain a few things to you, and I'd rather be frank about things.” She looked up from where she sat. “Do you mind brushing my mane while we talk?” She asked, nodding her head to the stand next to my chair. Wordlessly, I picked it up and started brushing her mane. “It all started about two hundred years ago. The humans around her call it the Great Arrival. The Princesses who ruled the land suddenly disappeared, and in their absence monsters that we little ponies couldn't defend ourselves against started to rise up and attack us and our towns. Humans showed up out of no where, and beat them back before we could be overwhelmed.

“There has been much debate over who suggested it first, some say it was the humans who volunteered, and others claim that it was us ponies who asked them to, but after that humans started becoming guardians over us ponies. It was slow at first. More like what you would see in a community of equals, all offering what they could to help the whole. But as the years went by, those brave guardians started to become local heroes and were given praise by humans and ponies alike. It didn't take long for 'Guardian' to become a status rather than what people did, and us ponies became more of beasts of burden and property than equal beings.”

I paused my brushing. “Property? How so?”

Twilight thought for a moment. “You know how a King has a kingdom?” I nodded. “The King owns his kingdom and everything in it, wouldn't you say?”

“I guess so.”

“What if another King comes along and after a war takes over the kingdom. Who owns the kingdom?”

“The King that won the war.”

“That is exactly what has happened us ponies.” Twilight looked up at me, her eyes full of hurt, and yet a fire that I couldn't explain. “We have gone from neighbors to property. We're a status symbol. If a mare lives outside the protection of a Guardian they are considered the lowest class. Under the protection a Guardian, we're like a courtier, but only under the merits of the Guardian.”

I sat back. “That's a heavy load to take in, Twilight.”

“It's nothing enforced, or often spoken of,” She finished. “But at the rate things are going in Equestria, I'd give it another five, maybe six point three years before a Guardian proclaims himself king. There are already rumors that some of the stronger Guardians are drawing in their friends and communities to form little barons, but it hasn't happened yet here, in Ponyville.”

We sat in silence for a while. Well, shit. If it wasn't being stranded on a planet that I had no idea how I got to, it was being involved in strange, medieval type politics. Some people have all the luck.

“So, what does a Guardian do?” I asked. It was a dumb question, but one that needed to be asked.

“I'm getting to that.” Twilight snipped, though her barb seemed more affectionate than angry. “You should know first, I'm the Alpha mare of this herd. In short, I keep things running here. I take care of the day to day decisions, run the homestead, deal with all the expenses. You, as a Guardian, own the land we live on. You accompany me everywhere, defend us, take care of us by grooming and bathing us, and even send the other mares to go do odd jobs to pull in some revenue, if need be. We usually make do with Rainbow working on the weather patrol, Fluttershy working as an on call veterinarian, and Rarities boutique, not to mention Applejack owns Sweet Apple Orchard.”

I blinked. “Wow. It seems that we're pretty well off.” Maybe being stranded here wasn't such a bad thing.

“Indeed.” Twilight nodded, resting her head on my knee. “That is why you'll have many challenge you to the right of guarding us, since if he beats you in combat, he gets to take it all for himself.”

“Ah, I-wait what?!”

“Combat.” Twilight replied simply. “Usually with swords, though that's up to the individual Guardian. My guess, you'll get two or three challenges in the morning. They were holding off until James died, but...” Twilight's eyes misted over. “Word will spread...and they shall come in armor of dread.”

And so the Truth come out

I didn't sleep well that night. On top of having visions of large men looming out of the night with steel spiked armor wielding battle axes dripping with blood, I also found an unmentioned roll for a Guardian. A body pillow. Shortly after Twilight declared bed time-she's quite the bossy one-I headed to the main common room, as there was a corpse in the bed that hadn't been removed yet out of respect. Twilight told me that we'd be making a trip into town in the morning to arrange the funeral.

After settling down, making myself as comfortable as I could with throw pillows and a few extra blankets, Twilight curled up right next to me, laid her head on my chest, and promptly went to sleep, as if she was a machine that could turn on and off at the flick of a switch. Huh. No goodnight? No pillow talk, like, 'so hunny, how was your day?' I'm hurt.

It wasn't before long when Fluttershy came in, settling herself on one side of Twilight, who just flickered an ear in response to her nuzzles to her side, before using my leg as a cuddle poll. Next was Pinkie Pie. From the little sniffles she was giving, today was harder to hold in for her than the rest. She went to my other side, laying her head on my chest, just inches away from Twilight's nose, and just gave soft whimpers.

“Pinkie,” Twilight spoke softly. “I know you miss him. So do I, but you have to be strong.”

The pink pony whimpered. “I'm trying to, but it's just so hard.”

It's awkward to hear a private conversation right in front of you that you're not apart of. Even thought I knew nothing of my dad, and hated him for just leaving me and my mom like that, to come to this strange world of talking ponies, if I was being honest with myself, I felt in my heart a loss that will never be filled. A loss and a wish that I could have just had one day with him, and not just a few minutes.

Gently I patted Pinkie's head. “I know I talk shit about him.” Both ponies tensed up, unaware that I was still awake. “But it's not just because he'd left. It's because all my life I wanted to know my dad. I wanted a real father in my life. Someone to teach me about cars, to go fishing, how to throw a football...You know the saying, you don't know what you have until it's gone? Well, over the years I learned another one. You want what you don't have. I always told myself I never wanted a dad because of him leaving. But as I looked at others, and saw them happy with their own dads, they're own protectors, mentors for that crappy road between boyhood and manhood, I always wanted what I couldn't have. I never knew what it was to have a dad, until I saw him on the bed this afternoon.”

There was a profound silence as I let my own words sink into my ears. “As much as I hated him,” I finished. “I wanted to know him. I wanted my dad.”

From the door way there was another few sniffles. “Well Ah'll be.” Applejack sobbed. “That's the gosh'darnest sweetest thing Ah've ever done heard a human say.”

I'm glad it was dark, so none of them could see me roll my eyes and blush. “If you're here for the snuggle fest. I still have my left leg open, and there's still room around Twilight and Pinkie Pie.”

Rainbow Dash found her way to Pinkie, wrapping a wing around her still shaking body. Rarity, who I noticed was till not on speaking terms with me, most likely from me yelling at Twilight in the first place, opted to curl up next to Twilight. Applejack just sprawled out over my remaining free leg and started snoring loudly. For fucks sake! As if talking wasn't enough, they snored! What's next?

It took me about a half hour to fall to sleep, and even there, sleep wasn't that great. I don't know how long I was asleep for, or what exactly woke me. I just sorta came to, blinking groggily at the dark that still filled the room. It took me a moment to catch it. It wasn't just one thing, but a combination of senses that brought it to my attention. The smell of sweet, the taste of ions in the air, the soft high pitched humming of some sort of generator staccato-ed with sharp clicks, the vibrations of the wood floor boards beneath me, and the two red orbs that hung in the dark like dying embers of a fire. Something was in the room, and it was searching for something. The tightening around my legs told me that the ponies were awake, and feared this strange beast, and frankly, so did I.

After a moment, the stranger stopped, standing still two steps into the room. My heart was in my throat as it's red orbs, which I assumed were eyes, seem to scan about the floor until it found where I was laying, covered by ponies. Shit! What was I going to do?! Something clicked on the thing and a shnnk rang out in the room.

“Girls off!” I don't know why I yelled it. I don't know why, as soon as they scattered, hopefully to different rooms, I bolted up and tackled it. I don't know why what I hit felt more like a large, metal pole rather than a being. By the feel of it, I just bruised my entire right side of my body.

With little effort, the thing threw me back a few feet, driving the wind out of me as I hit the floor hard, but I've had worse in martial arts training. Rolling to my feet, I took up my usual stance, front arm ready to protect my face and body while my lower arm was in reserve for a punch or emergency defense. As it walked forward, I kicked out with my front leg, landing a solid low kick to where the side of it's knee should be.

“FUCK!” I tried to recover, but the pain of flesh and bone hitting steel with great force was overpowering, throwing me off balance to tumble to the floor. “Mother fucking bitch!” As it took a step  closer, undeterred by my failed attempt of offense, or my endless stream of cussing, I forced myself up while punching it at it's face.

A strong gauntlet type hand closed around my fist, as something inside laughed. “Guardians. When will your kind learn?”

Holding back more vile language, I gritted my teeth. “It's my first day.” I tried kneeing it in the crotch, only hurting my fucked up leg more.

“Well then, let me enlighten you.” The metal man chuckled. There was a shnnk as something detracted, and it's free hand smashed into my ribs. If I hadn't had anything broken by now, which I doubt, I had had a few broken bones now. “The Hunters are the new order. And we take what we want.”

Again, I was thrown to the floor, only this time, I couldn't get up. The Hunter, as he called himself, stepped towards the ponies that were huddled around Twilight, who was standing defiantly, head down and horn glowing a strange greenish glow. I might have my own opinions on these ponies, but they didn't deserve what ever this Hunter thing would do if he took them. Struggling to get up, I looked at Twilight, meeting her eye.

“You stupid ponies.” The Hunter laughed. “I bet that's all the magic you can conger because of the frequency of my mini generator. Shall I turn it up and watch you bleed out your life through your horn to keep that nightlight going?”

I saw it! On his back, there was a red glow. It's power core for the generator. Twilight shot the green ball of energy, missing the bulky guy completely, aiming straight at me. The blast hit my hand, filling me with adrenaline, causing my fist to hold the power. I didn't question how, I had to take advantage of what precious time she'd given me. As the Hunter laughed, stepping towards them, mocking a collapsed Twilight, I jumped to my feet and slammed my green fist into his power core, causing an explosion that threw me to the ground yet again. The last thought I had was, wow! That actually worked! Then, blackness.

You know that cliché saying, 'the first thing I could recall was pain'? Well, as a matter of fact, that wasn't the first thing I recalled. The first thing I recalled was, me wondering, 'how am I alive?' Then I felt pain and immediately asked myself 'why didn't I just die?!'

Opening my eyes, a burning sensation filled my body. The house, which I had yet to grow attached to, was in ruins. Okay, that was a touch dramatic. The room of the house we were in was in ruins. Rarity and Twilight stood over me, horns glowing a light green, almost white color, bathing me in a soft glow. Applejack was holding my legs down while Pinkie and Rainbow did the same with my arms. Fluttershy, who I noticed was the only one not holding me in any way, was dabbing my brow with a damp cloth.

“Son of a bitch.” I groaned. “What the hell happened?”

For a moment, all were silent.

“Well,” Pinkie breathed in a great breath, launching into what would be the most overblown description of anything I'd ever heard in one breathe. “You woke up to find that a Hunter had broken into the house and was trying to kill you so he could have the rights to the herd, because that what Hunters do, because they're meanie meanies with no respect for what's not theirs, and even then they don't have respect for it, and then you were like, 'girls, scatter, I got this!' and we ran to the corner, because you got this, you're a Guardian who guards us, hence the term guardian-get it?- and you kicked it, him, whatever, in the leg, but broke your foot, not a good way to start off, and then went to punch it in the face, and it gabbed it laughing like, 'I got you now!' and you were like, 'Nope!' and it punched you, breaking two ribs, and you dropped and while it's back was turned, Twilight shot a magic blast that you jumped up and caught like 'Who's laughing now, Mr. Laughy Laugh Laugh?' and hit is generator pack and it exploded, and I was like 'Whoa' and the girls were like 'Whoa' and you were like 'whoa'.” She paused. “That's about it.”

I don't know what stunned me more. That she said all that with one breath, and was still not out of breath-or dead- or the fact that I was still surprised after what I've gone through in the last twenty-four hours.

“I feel like someone owes me an explanation of things?” I turned my head to look at Twilight, arching my eyebrows. “And maybe an apology?”

“An' why in Equestria would Twi need to apologize?” Applejack asked. A spasm of pain ripped through me, causing me to jolt and twitch. The girls had to work to hold me down as my body seized up. After a moment, my body unclenched itself, the pain I was in before lessening.

“That would be the first rib.” Rarity's delicate voice spoke, as if directing the two unicorn's magic.

“Because,” I ignored the healing process. I needed to get to the bottom of this, while still conscious. “You only told me about Guardians. Who the fuck are Hunters, why are they trying to kill me, and why didn't your magic hurt me?”

“I suppose we do owe you that much.” Rainbow Dash admitted.

“There's more?!”

“Lots more.” Fluttershy murmured, dabbing my brow. “But you need your rest. Maybe we can talk about this la-”

“Flutters.” I cut her off flatly. “Listen. I need to know just what is going on. I feel like someone has lied to me about something very important, or at the very least, forgot to explain a few things that should not have been left out.” We all looked to Twilight. “Am I right?”

She wouldn't meet my eyes. “I...I...” She took a deep breath. “I was afraid if I spelled it out, you wouldn't fight. You'd just give up and walk away.”

That surprised me. “What? You thought I'd split and bail on the only living beings that give a shit that I'm here, and alive, and far away from my home? What kind of dipshit do you think I am?” Before any pony could answer, I added. “Don't answer that. Twi, tell me the truth.”

My body arched again, like electricity ran through it, and for a few long seconds, the only sound was my hands and feet thumping against the wood floor. When it finally subsided, Twilight came clean.

“And that would be the second rib. Now on to mending the soft tissue.” Rarity muttered to herself.

“Two hundred years ago there were four ruling alicorns-”

“Four?” I cut in.

“Yes, and shush.”

“Did you just shush me?”

“Shush!” I let her continue. “The ruled Equestria and the Crystal Empire. Then one day they vanished. That same day, strange creatures came out of the woods and other wild places. They were like metal and flesh. Some had wires, and some had strange glassy eyes, but they all had two things in common. They were feral and our magic was weakened around them. You see, magic is a projection of our will, energy and imagination onto the world around us and it require concentration. So to answer the question why didn't my magic kill you, it's because I wasn't aiming to kill, but to give you strength to hit the Hunter from behind." She blushed. "It was a risk, and it paid off."

"Lucky us." I muttered.

"These creatures hummed with some sort of energy, and that humming breaks our concentration.” Her ears folded. “It's like having a constant headache or hearing a high pitched squealing that just makes it hat much harder to think.”

I could relate to that. From time to time, the alarm at work for the back door would go off for no reason, and only the managers know the shut off code. I swear, it was all I could do to keep working, but even then I was half-assing it because I couldn't think straight.

“That's when the humans showed up.” Twilight continued with the little history lesson. “They had strange weapons that shot magic, and it drove the creatures away. Some even had swords made of magic energy that could cut the metal and wires. They defended us, saying that it was their fault the creatures were here in the first place. They said that something called Anamei escaped, and they were trying to hunt her down. At first, there was only Guardians, humans who had the strange magic who could fight the monsters of metal. They were kind. To each town, a few groups of ten hunters were stationed, to fight the monsters while others would go into the wild spots and search for Anemei. Then others came to help us rebuild because the monsters made it impossible to farm like we did before. The wide open fields outside our new town walls were to risky to be in. They showed us new ways, and strange magic they called technology. For a while, it seemed like there was peace, or at least safety.”

She fell silent as I absorbed what she was saying. Almost seemed like something I'd read in a book, or see in the movies, but then again, talking ponies seemed like a Saturday morning cartoon come true.

“What happened next?”

“Those who kept going out to search for Anamie discovered that she likes to go after normal creatures, but she had already caught up all the animals in the wild. They wanted to start using ponies as bait, but the Guardians wouldn't allow it. That's when the fighting started happening.”

“So, what you said about me being challenge?”

“It's true.” She nodded. “But not by another Guardian, but by a Hunter. Sometimes, they consider themselves so much more important than others, that they will challenge someone to a fight, kill them, and then take everything they have.”

I grimaced. Partly in pain, but mostly in the sick and twisted sense of irony. Good guys who are so full of themselves and vanquishing the evil, that that become evil themselves. like a grotesque version of a knight. Classic.

“So what now?” I asked after a few long minutes of silence. “I can't leave this world, because I don't know how to. If my dad was as great a Guardian you say he was, then he must have left behind some hardware for me to use, and it seems like the house needs some renovations.”

Rainbow Dash gave a small snicker to that.

“We need answers.” Twilight stated, adding softer, as if to herself. “I need answers...” She looked at me, and for a moment, her eyes wavered, as if torn between two ideas. She nodded, finally coming to a resolve. “We need to find the princesses again. We need to go to Canterlot.”

The start of a very long journey.

My first glimpse of the outside world was brief at best before the whole yelling match yesterday. Now as we all stood on the doorstep of the house we all gazed in shock and dismay at what now existed of the town of Ponyville.

Smoke rolled up in choking billows from the surrounding buildings, the last of the flaming tongues of fire dying with the lack of fresh fuel and oxygen. All I smelt was burnt things. Wood, and a more foul smell of hair and something even worse. Dotted around what I could see of the town were bodies. Some human, others ponies, their blood and guts spilled on the ground. I would have lost my lunch, but my stomach had nothing in it to throw up. The best I could do was to turn away and dry heaved against the wall. By the sound of it, the girls weren't fairing much better. Once I hacked up anything my body decided it didn't need, I steadied my breathing and looked back to the sickening sight.

I wasn't sure what to feel. I felt sick and fear like I've never felt before, but all that rage and anger that people at home used to say you'd feel in a combat zone, or the stuff you read in books, wasn't there. I would say the biggest emotion I felt was confusion. Why did this happen? Who did this? Was it that Hunter from last night? Was he apart of a group? Or was it their pray, or something worse? As scared as I was, walking around with a huddled group behind me, I felt like this place was safe. Okay, that's weird, right? Here this town gets massacred, and now I feel safe? But I felt like the attack had already happened, so there wasn't going to be a second wave of whatever it was that slaughtered everybody...A real morbid way to bring relief really.

We made it through the town in silence. A time or two we stopped, letting the girls spend a minute or two to grieve over some lost friends, but for the most part, we kept moving. Once at the edge of town, I understood what Twilight meant about the cities and towns having walls. Running along the perimeter of the town were long slender pulls sticking up every fifty meters. A generator near the front gate sat dead, black from some sort of power surge, or perhaps the fire started from here.

“That kept the wall up.” Twilight spoke up. She still seemed to be in a slight daze over how utterly complete the destruction was of the town.

“What do you think caused it to stop?” Pinkie asked. Once again, her hair was deflated, and her eyes were constantly running.

It was then that I had a strange epiphany. An insight, if you will, to what a guardian should be. I patted her head, crouching down to her level, these ponies were about stomach high to me, and whipped away her tears.

“I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you it's going to be okay.” That statement earned me a nasty look from Rarity. “But I will tell you we've got to be strong, and something tells me that you can be the strongest, bravest pony in the group. You think you can do that for me?”

Good Lord! I freakin' sound like I'm talking to a twelve year old! But it was the only thing I could thing to say.

Pinkie sniffled again, dried her ears with a hoof and did her best to give me a smile. Patting her head again, I stood up, feeling all their eyes on me.

“Look...I might not be the bravest person in the world, but I'll do my best to keep you all in one piece. It's going to get rocky, but we've got to stick together. If you can support and trust me, I'll do the same.”

AJ, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Fluttershy all nodded. Pinkie whipped away a few more tears, and Twilight seemed have a small, smug, smile. I could almost hear her thoughts, saying something like 'not bad, for a human.'

It's funny. When you start doing something, and responsibility is thrust upon you, you start finding that you think differently about yourself. Mind you, I have absolutely no fucking clue how to do wilderness survival. Hell, the only way I made it through boyscout camp outs was starving until someone cooked for me, or until we got drive thru on the way home. And my mom wondered how I lost weight so fast on those three day camp outs.

But as we started walking through the vast rolling plains that lead to a large jagged mountain, I fixed my eyes on the large castle that I could only guess was our destination.

“How far away is that?” I asked Twilight. I was never very good at guessing distances.

“It's about sixty-five miles.” I sighed. “Yeah. It's going to take a while.”

I may have made a friend

I'm not going to lie. I was sore as fuck, and because of that I was not in the best of humor, which naturally meant everyone wanted my personal, and undivided attention. Fluttershy, clearly grateful that I had save them from a fate worse than death, kept rubbing up on my, like a cat that wanted a thorough belly scratching. I made the mistake of pushing her way, causing her to lose balance and topple onto her muzzle. Now she just looks at me with large eyes that spoke of hurt and betrayal. For fucks sake! This is going to get old really fast.

“Hey!” AJ yelled. “Ah' know ya' mighty sore, but ain't any reason to go pushin' ponies around!”

I rolled my eyes. “Applejack. Do me a favor. Shut up. Please? Just shut the fuck up. I've got a raging headache, my body feels like I've been a crash dummy and I have this annoying itch on the inside of the back of my head.”

That raised a whole new wave of complaints, all of which were silenced by the one pony I wasn't expecting to.

“Girls!” Twilight snapped. Instantly they all shut up. “Give Mike a little breathing space. He's been through a lot, and we all owe him our lives.” She looked at me when she said the last part, her eyes clouded with an emotion that I wasn't sure of.

“Thanks Twi.” I sighed. Okay, I can do this. Step one, damage control. “Fluttershy, sorry for shoving you. I'm not in a touchy-feely mood right now. Applejack, I'm sorry I told you to shut up. That was rude. Okay? We good?”

There was a murmur from Flutters and AJ snorted, though looked a little ashamed for some odd reason. Step two.

“Anyone know where my...dad, kept his hardware?” There were looks of confusion. I had fight not to roll my eyes. “His weapons. Maybe armor?”

“I do believe that he kept the key to the armory on a chain around his neck.” Rarity answered thoughtfully.

I paused. Around his neck? No. No, no, no! Shit! “Okay...” I took a deep breath. “I'll be right back.”

It really wasn't that big of a task. Just get the key from around the neck of a dead guy, and we're good. A dead guy...my dead father...I've only been around a dead body once before, and that was at the funeral of my cousin. I don't remember much, other than crying. He just laid there, eyes closed. Nothing like what they portray it on Tv, where people don't care and corpses the common sight. When I looked down at the still form of my cousin all those years ago, I felt more things than my brain could comprehend. Part of it might have been that I was twelve at the time, but since then, I've had a sense of dread being around an unmoving corpse.

Steeling my nerves, I made my way to the death room and entered. I walked up to the foot of his bed. There he was…my dad. He looked exactly the same way my cousin did all those years ago. If it wasn't for the fact that his chest was completely still, I'd have guessed he was sleeping. Emotions, fucking unwanted emotions filled my chest, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do. There the bastard lay, leaving me with all his problems, to pay all his debts and to carry his burdens. Just as he failed me in life, he now failed me in death. What a crock of shit. If all that was true...then why was I crying? Why did I want him to wake up and say, 'just kidding' and everything would be okay? Why did I want him to stand up and be the man I always thought my dad could be, would be, should be?

“You want to talk about it?” Twilight asked, sitting on her haunches next to me.

“Why do you give a shit?” I asked, drying my tears with the back of my hand. “It's not like you care about me.”

“Two reasons why I, as you say, 'give a shit'.” Twilight answered. Her direct quotation of my words seemed strange, coming from her. “One, I have to look out after the herd. They look up to me, and they look to me to find a Guardian who will keep us safe.”

That was a fair enough answer. “And reason two?”

“Because I promised James I'd give you a chance.” I looked to her, but her gaze was trained on my dead dad's face. “I promised that no matter what, I'd trust you until you proved otherwise, and that I'd help you keep this herd together.” She looked away from the dead body, up to me. “Any one of these mares would be a prize to another herd, and with Hunters becoming increasingly aggressive, we need a strong Guardian even more than before, especially if we're going to travel to Canterlot.”

Silence fell over the room as her eyes continued to speak what she could not put into words. Sorrow, fear, hope and there it was again. An understanding about something that I was unaware of. She offered a hoof, as if to ask 'can we work this out?' With a sigh, I knelt down, so I was on her level.

“I can't do this...” I admitted. “I can't just take all this in at face value. I know that you cared for him, but he's just a giant blank to me. I know this world is going down the crapper and you have to deal with it, but I just want to go home. I really don't have much choice, so I'll roll with it, but I'll be searching for a way home. My life was shitty, but it was my own.”

Twilight retracted her hoof for a moment, ears drooping. This was not what she wanted to hear. She thought, looking at the ground, before looking up at me with a nod.

“I understand. I once spent time in the human world, well a different human world than yours, and when I found out that I could be trapped for a long period of time, it was all I could do to stay on the task at hoof. I'll help you find a way home, after you help us find out just what's going on. Deal? She offered her hoof again.

I wasn't sure if I was suppose to shake it, or bump it, so I opted for option three. Standing up, I patted her head. “Deal.”

The little growl she gave me told me she clearly didn't like the pat, which made me laugh. Okay, now to get the dead man's key.

It was hard taking the key. Not that it was hard finding it, but that it felt so wrong, to take something from a dead person. It felt...sacrilegious, and somehow unclean. I forced those thoughts from my mind I yanked the key off the chain around his neck.

“Any idea what this goes to?” I asked Twilight, showing the key.

“I don't know.” She was still peeved at me patting her head. She pointed to a cabinet behind herself, in the corner of the room. “Maybe that?” She added under her breath. “Try opening your eyes.”

“I heard that.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Right back at you raisin.”

“Raisin?” She blinked. At the insult.

“Yeah. You're purple...and that was it. It just sorta came out.” I shrugged. “I could go with prune, but that would be an insult, to prunes.”

She rolled her eyes. “Are you going to sit here and make fun of me all day or actually do something that matters, like your job, and open the cabinet?”

“Oh?” I folded my arms. Even though I was in a room with a dead body, this bantering was getting interesting. The guns could wait another few minutes. “It's my job now? I thought this was a 'volunteer' position based solely off the kindness of my heart.”

Twilight snorted. “Heart? What heart? All I see is an ass that's so offensive, donkey's would refuse to acknowledge him as a relation.”

Ouch. “...That was good.”

“You think so?”

“...Noooo, but it was better than what I expected out of a raisin.”

After a moment of staring each other down, we just started to laugh.

“Oh Mike,” Twilight giggled. “If you keep this up, I just might get along with you.”

Well, one complement deserves another. “Keep making my life interesting, I might enjoy being around a walking, talking skittle.”

Twilight blinked. “What's a skittle?”

“Never mind.”

Well there wasn't really guns, per say, in the cabinet. There was a long brown trench coat, with way too many pockets, and a belt of with empty pouches and a few universal holsters for different things that I might find. As for actual weaponry, I found an extendable single edged short sword with a battery build into the hilt, so at the flick of a switch electricity would run it's way up the length. I also found gauntlets and steel toed combat boots. Other than some strange head equipment, a piece that reminded me of a power reader from Dragon Ball Z, please, no jokes, there wasn't anything else to take.

It didn't take long to fit everything over my…I let out a groan.

“What is it?” Twilight asked, concerned that something was wrong.

“I didn't realize this,” I signed. “But all I'm wearing are boxers and a tee shirt.”

Twilight cocked her head to the side.”Well, I was going to ask about that before, but with everything that's been going on, I thought it might be best to not say anything.”

For some reason, that explanation seemed pretty thin. “Got any pants I can borrow?”

“Does it look like I wear pants?” She quipped back.

Fair point. I went digging through the cabinet and pulled out a pare of leather pants, and a pull over undyed cotton shirt. I tried not to think of their previous owner as I made sure they fit, and pulled on the coat, putting everything in it's place.

“Well then, how do I look?” I asked, striking a ridiculous pose for the purple unicorn.

“Ehh, you'll do.” Twilight yawned.

As childish as it was, I stuck my tongue out at her, which she did right back. There was something about this unicorn, this pony, that seemed take the pain of all the shit that's happening around me go away.

“Shall we go see the girls?” I asked.

Twilight walked up next to me, smiling. “Sound's like a plan.”