Blogposts & Reviews

by Socks

Rating: everyone
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Length: 1064

A site location for future blogposts that have yet to be posted.

A site location for future blogposts that have yet to be posted.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-08 01:17:51 UTC

Synthesis of the Prospective Writer: Knowing Your Audience

Knowing Your Audience

There are really only two kinds of writers in the world; those that write for their audience and those that write for themselves. Which, when you consider that said writer is a member of their own audience, means that there's really only one kind. So the first question that you, dear Prospective Writer, must ask yourself is just whose attention you're begging for.

If you're the sort of writer looking to enjoy the feeling of that keyboard under your fingers and the ability to write whatever you want, whenever you want it, then this blog isn't for you. You've already hooked your audience and have done an excellent job in meeting just about every whim and fancy that's ever crossed their mind. That audience, of course, being you. Give yourself a big fucking pat on the back, you wonderful narcissist you, and go back to doing whatever it is you do best. Probably masturbating in front of a mirror.

As for the rest of you, sit down, wipe that Cheeto dust off your crusty chin, and pay attention. There are a few things that I'll need to warn you of before you even start down the path of becoming a successful writer. The career of an author is a paying one if you do your shit right, and nobody pays for something they consider easy enough to do themselves.

-Prestige

First of all, I'd like to disillusion you of that thing you call 'prestige.' It's an intangible, abstract idea with a total calorie count of zero, so don't kid yourself into thinking it's worth something. If there's anything you shouldn't be writing for, it's prestige. This means that unless you're inherently wealthy and can afford to write for the snobby critics who'll still view your writing as garbage, pick a better audience. Half of them can't write worth a shit anyways, so why are you trying to impress them?

If you're in the other camp, however, sit your big, gelatinous booty in your nearest family-fun-sized chair and listen up. Nobody gives a flying fuck about what you think.

I've lost count of the number of times I've heard a prospective writer complain to me about how their magnum opus was bumped out of the feature queue by whatever trite comedy or banal piece of smut was flavor of the day. With a scrunched face that screams righteous indignation, they'd type up their three hundred page thesis on why their 'objectively' better story deserved to be read instead of the mainstream story that took its place.

I hate to break it to you, but that's not what the publishing world is about.

Synthesis of the Prospective Writer: Writing Adverbly and Why You Shouldn't

Writing Adverbly and Why You Shouldn't

How To Both Have Your Cake and Eat It

Youtube Rant #1

Women be sexist? Of course that happens. Any idiot knows that. Thing is, a guy complaining about it rather than doing something to fix it is really, really lame. You're really, really lame. Like it or not, you do have a majority share in the governments of just about every nation on Earth. If feminist legislation gets passed, it'll be because the men you elected voted for it. Which in turn means that you voted for it.

So don't come to me with your petty bullshit about how 'oppressed' you are. You chose to be oppressed. You allowed for it, and you've done nothing to stop it. Despite everything feminism has tried to do, you hold all of the best cards in the deck, and here you are pretending you don't have an excellent hand to play.

Women taking your spot in the world? If women had such an easy time taking it form you, you never deserved it in the first place. A mere woman drove you out of a field that you seem so convinced you're better in? You're the big kid on the playground complaining about the midget that kicked you in the shin. All you'd have to do is shove his face in the dirt a couple times and he'd stop.

Next time you start to feel women oppressing you, take a look in the mirror and realize just how pathetic you'd have to be for that to happen. Your inability to take action, your constant bitching about it, has accomplished nothing. If the feminists are the Nazis, then you're the French sitting on your hands waiting for the real warriors to come in and save you. Weak

The Art of Implication

The Art of Implication

When experienced veterans talk about 'showing, not telling', most prospective writers just find themselves wondering what the fuck they're talking about.

Prereading & Editing December 2015

Prereading & Editing December 2015

Picnic Peepers

by Art Inspired

On a particularly bright day, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle wandered through the park, enjoying themselves. They happened to stumble upon a private picnicking area behind a rather obtuse tree, and to their surprise, it was in use by Rarity and Rainbow Dash. They'd normally not pay this much mind, but for two such ponies to be acting so friendly with one another required more attention from the two fillies.

Everyone

Comedy, Romance

One Last Call

by JumbledThought

On a lonely night, Twilight calls Shining Armor for phone sex.

Mature

Sex, Sad

Reunited

by Rated Ponystar

It's been five years since our surrender. Things have gotten better, but we have a long way to go before our home is repaired and our name redeemed. I have spent these five years working nonstop to fix all the mistakes my former teacher left us.

But now I have a chance to make up one of the biggest ones I've ever made.

Fluttershy.

She betrayed us and sided with humanity. I hated her for her betrayal. Called her a coward. Now I am cowering in front of her house, begging for forgiveness. I have lost so much. I just want to gain one thing back.

Teen

Alternate Universe, Drama, Human, Sad