Stupid Sexy Grammar

by MegatronsPen

Rating: mature
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Sex, Princess Celestia
Length: 1421

Twilight Sparkle loves Princess Celestia so very, very much... including her bad grammar. No, seriously. I don't think you quite understand how much she loves it.

While resting in her bedroom within her brand new sparkly palace, Twilight Sparkle has developed a kink for Princess Celestia's frequent use of bad grammar.

(A very short one-shot.)

((WARNING! POINTLESS PLOT. PLOTLESS CLOP! You have been warned. There are some triggers here, but not many. Watersports has been outlined here for safety reasons, so if you are not a fan or just generally grossed out by it in any capacity, then please don't read this..

Published 2015-12-29 11:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-29 11:40:01 UTC

The Mystical Wet Scroll

There was no greater pleasure for Twilight Sparkle than to sit down and read a personal letter from her former mentor and closest friend, Princess Celestia.

To her, Twilight received as much enjoyment reading the thoughts of her beloved Princess as she would helping her best of friends from any situation.

But, then again, that was a rather easily orchestrated lie for the young Princess of Friendship, for she sought something far beyond that of simple camaraderie with her former teacher.

There was no denying it; especially to herself. She loved the Princess deeply. Unfortunately for her, she was far too afraid to expose it. Her secret crush had been a long time growth and had bloomed into a full flower long into her early years as Celestia’s student.

Perhaps it was her lack of courage, or perhaps, the fear of rejection that stopped her… but she never really did even entertain confessing it all.

There was no point. She was content with the status quo.

After all, if you play too close to the sun, eventually you will get burnt…

Twilight sighed sadly at that afterthought sat upon a stool, she unravelled the familiar scroll sealed with a simple red bow, working her magic to spray the text out upon the desk in front of her.

Her loving smile and gentle gaze moved to the first few words that she mentally spoke long before she had the chance to actually grace the text with her attention. After all, the Princess always started her correspondence with the same few words.

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle...

Twilight would have preferred it, if it started with: ‘To my cherished’ or ‘To my beloved Twilight Sparkle,’ but, she knew full well that would only exist within her wildest of dreams.

The content of the letter began as per usual. The usual inquiry of her state of health followed by that of her friends. It almost always followed with a statement of the recent goings on in and around Canterlot, including a little snippet of her own view upon the various subjects she described.

She did love reading Celestia’s letters. There was no greater pleasure for her.

Litterelly.

But there was something else Twilight was searching for.

A kind of desperation filled her features as she scrunched her brow; eyeing word after word, letter after letter...

The very moment she had spotted what she sought, the Princess of Friendship found herself reacting in a very… typical manner.

The door was locked to her bedroom.

No one was getting in.

Good.

“Th-there it is… f-finally...”

Twilight’s erect wings trembled as her tongue fell out of her ecstasy twisted grin, her eyes locked upon the error with a guilty kind of glee, drool oozing from her tongue to smother the surface of her desk next to the open scroll, her flank grinding subconsciously forward against the harsh grain of the wooden stool below her, offering a rather satisfying resistance to her already swollen and hardened clitoris.

She groaned, her horn alight with a warmer glow of lavander than what was normal; sparking tiny stars that fizzled and cracked just beyond her slightly frazzled mane in an uncontrollable burst of energy begging to be released..

Planting her hooves firmly either side of the scroll, she lowered her gaze closer to the offensive mistake that had garnered a very different reaction than what was normal.

Such things infuriated the bookish pony but this? To think her perfect idolization of the Princess was to be tainted with such… with such…

“The use… of the EM Dash… she’s not e-even considering the fact she put a colon right before it—it almost makes no sense… or maybe I am reading it wrong? No… no, it’s definitely wrong! It’s wrong! So wrong! So…” She moaned aloud, releasing an excited chuckle as she leaned in to sniff the scroll, catching just enough of a whiff of Celestia’s scent upon the page.

“Improper! Incorrect! It’s… such a turn on...” She squealed in delight, her heavy breathing increasing in its mouthfuls as she wiggled her flank against the stool side to side excitedly, her eyes scanning the rest of the letter, completely ignoring the content to which the letter stood for and merely entertained herself in its beautifully inaccurate construction of proper grammar.

“Is there more? Please tell me there’s—” She gasped. “She forgot a period at the end of this sentence! H-how could she? How could she do this to me… why couldn’t she do this sooner?” Her body trembled, her eyes rolling back in her head. “S-so close… just a little more… just one more… please!”

Frantically, she searched the text and much to her disappointment, she found nothing.

Whining, Twilight lifted her flank from off of the stool, glancing back down along her length to note just how glistened her crotch and the stool had become; both smothered in her own hot lubricant.

Nibbling at her lower lip, her eyes glanced away from her aching vagina and towards the scroll.

A twisted idea had began to formulate inside of the mind of Twilight Sparkle. She knew full well that the Princess’s love was completely out of her reach. Failing that, there was nothing she would want more than to have the Princess take her, body and soul on the floor of her Canterlot bedroom.

To have their bodies intertwined in heated and frenzied passion… to finally feel her lips descending down until Celestia licked that part of her body that begged-no demanded to be dominated from a rush of a writhing, wiggling tongue…

By the time her fantasy had fully formulated, Twilight Sparkle used her magic to roll up the scroll and; with the gentlest of gestures, kissed it as she leaned back against the stool, exposing her underbelly to allow the page to slowly begin its descent down her abdomen.

The lightest touch of the paper sent waves upon waves of ticklish pleasure through her body, her rear hooves kicking out as an uncontrollable and undeniable laughter of happiness bubbled from her throat.

As she looked down at the scroll and its placement, she decided to lean back just far enough to allow her rear hooves to hang in the air in front of her and for hot, wet vagina to be displayed bared to the cold, soothing air.

It was an awkward position to be in. She barely managed to keep her balance and not topple over the stool and then, with a simple and rather vicious swipe, she slapped the scroll against her swollen clitoris, eliciting a painful gasp and giddy glee of sadism to moan out of her gawking face.

She slapped herself again with the scroll, garnering a similar reaction that pulsed through her body in an intense wave that eventually flowed out of her like a gentle stream.

“Celestia! Ahhhhhhhhnnnnnn!” With a half lidded glance down to the scroll, Twilight Sparkle’s already blushing face burnt brighter at the sight of herself inexplicably urinating on the scroll.

“Oh… oh no… I-I…” Embarrassed beyond relief, all concept of pleasuring herself had quickly fizzled out and with a sudden flail of hooves, the magic that had been stored glowing in her horn the entire length of time had suddenly popped away with a sudden and all too familiar flash.

“Wh-what…?”

Dumbfounded with a sense of unimaginable dread, Twilight Sparkle stared down at the space where the sopping wet scroll had been.

“Oh… no… no-no-no! Where is it gone!?”

Twilight bolted up from the stool, inadvertently stepping upon the puddle of her own urine and in her rush, she slipped.

With her wings still erect and quite impossible to use, her descent onto the ground was met with a painful yelp and a shriek of disgust. As soon as she struck the ground, Twilight’s body relented to its wet fate and laid there, staring up at the ceiling with unprecedented alarm.

Not only had Twilight accidentally teleported the scroll in her moment of ecstasy to who knows where, but she also found herself lying upon the ground, staining her coat with the undeniable. musky stench of her own excretion, still extremely aroused and longing to finish herself off.

“Maybe… I should go have a cold shower, or something…” Twilight nodded to herself. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll go have a shower, sleep it off and everything will be just fine… what could possibly go wrong?”

Author's Note

I know this fic is ironic.