Substitute Sanity

Cheerilee knocked on the front door of the tree library, hoping that somepony would answer.  The teacher sat still and glanced around at the sleepy town of Ponyville, still awaking from a lazy Sunday morning.  The earth-pony was tapping her hoof on the ground anxiously; if Twilight didn’t answer the door, she didn’t know who else to go to for assistance.

Thankfully for Cheerilee though, the studious purple unicorn opened her door a moment later, her mane slightly disheveled from a good-night’s sleep.  Her drowsy state left her when she saw who it was at the door.  “Oh, hi Cheerilee!” Twilight greeted with a smile.  “Do you need to borrow some books for your kids at the school?”

“Actually, Twilight,” the mare began in a rushed tone, “I actually need you for my kids at school.”

The unicorn cocked an eyebrow.  “Eh?”

Cheerilee elaborated, shuffling in place like she was in a hurry to get somewhere.  “You see, I just got a letter from a close family member—my sister, actually.  I learned that she’s currently in a Manehattan hospital due to health complications; I want to get to the city as soon as possible to be there for her, but I don’t have any ponies at the ready to substitute teach while I’m gone.”

Twilight put a hoof to her mouth.  “Oh my, I’m so sorry to hear that, Cheerilee.”  Then, her eyes lit up as she realized what the mare had just said.  “…you want me to teach your kids?  Really?”

“If it’s not too much trouble; I trust that you can do a good job,” Cheerilee sighed.  “If I don’t hurry, I’ll miss the next train.  So, you’ll do this for me, then?”

“Of course!” Twilight cheered.  “I’ve always wanted to teach a class!  This will be so much fun!”

Cheerilee turned to start off for the train station.  “Yes, just tell my students that you’ll be teaching them for the few days—a week at the longest, hopefully.”  At that, the teacher trotted off to make the next train out of Ponyville.  She looked back and gave a hasty wave goodbye to Twilight just before rounding a corner.

“Don’t worry, Cheerilee!” Twilight called out to the mare.  “With me in charge, there’s nothing you’ll have to worry about!”

As Twilight waved goodbye to the mare, a pink party pony’s head suddenly popped out from a bush on Twilight’s left.  At first, Twilight didn’t notice the mare staring at her.

“What was that all about, Twilight?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“WHA!  What in the—Pinkie!  What are you doing in a bush?!”

“Well, isn’t it obvious?” Pinkie replied, as if the unicorn needn’t ask.

“No, Pinkie.  No, it’s not obvious.”

Pinkie shuffled back into the bush, only her cotton candy mane sticking out.  “I’m trying to get this bush to tell me its secrets!  One of his friends over there—”  Pinkie stuck a hoof out towards a different shrub on the other side of the street, “—scratched my shoulder the other day.  I’m trying to get this one to tell me which of his friends did the dastardly deed!”

“I…see.  Anyway, Pinkie, since you asked,” Twilight said, trying to get back on topic, “Cheerilee just made me the substitute teacher for the Ponyville Schoolhouse!  This is going to be so much fun—I wish it was tomorrow already!”

Pinkie’s ears perked up.  “Fun, you say?  Well then, count me in—I LOVE fun!  Fun is so fun, y’know?”  She bit her lip in giddy glee at the thought.

All the enthusiasm in Twilight immediately drained.  “Oh, uh…Pinkie, this isn’t exactly the kind of thing that you’d like to do.  Besides, Cheerilee entrusted ME to teach the kids, so…”

“Kids?” Pinkie said with a big grin, “I LOVE kids!  Kids are so…kiddie!  It fills me with joy to see their happy faces after a long day of having fun!  Count me IN!”

The nervous half-smile on Twilight’s face was masking the utter panic in her head.  She couldn’t allow Pinkie Pie to help teach the kids—it would be a disaster!—no offense to the mare, of course…but ‘Pinkie’ and ‘teach’ barely go together in the same sentence.  “I’m sure you’ve other responsibilities to handle this week, don’t you?” Twilight asked hopefully.

“Of course not!” Pinkie cheered.  “That’s why I had to wait this long before I could investigate the perpetrating shrub who slashed my shoulder!  My week is clear for takeoff, Twilight!”

Twilight’s mind was still racing.  She couldn’t think of any excuses, and she certainly didn’t want to say ‘no’ to her friend.  Fresh out of ideas, and giving up the fight, the unicorn sighed loudly.  “Okay, Pinkie…you can come along with me and teach Cheerilee’s class.”

“YIPPEE!”  Pinkie cried, leaping out the bush in celebration.  Despite Twilight’s disappointment, she couldn’t help but smile at Pinkie’s gusto.

“Yes, yes,” Twilight started, trying to calm down the pink pony skipping in place.  “Now then, we have all day to start up the curriculum for this week, so how about we get started?”

“Curriculum?!” Pinkie gasped, her astonishment confusing the unicorn.  “You mean you’re actually going to TEACH them stuff?”

“Um…yes?  What’s the point in being a teacher if you don’t actually teach?”

“Oh, Twilight!” Pinkie said, smacking her hoof on her face at her friend’s ignorance, “Substitute teachers never teach.  They’re the fun ponies that get to do what they want with class because the normal teacher isn’t there!  We could have a field trip to Sugar Cube Corner or something!”

“Pinkie,” Twilight said flatly, “I think your idea of a substitute—no, your entire view on the educational system—is a tad bit…skewed.”

Pinkie gave an oblivious smile and shrugged.  “Either way, I can’t wait to play with the kids tomorrow!  It’s gonna be so much fun!  See ya later, Twilight!”  Pinkie leapt out from the bush again and dashed off in the direction of Sugar Cube Corner before Twilight could even get a word out.

“B—but Pinkie…!”  Twilight trailed off.  She realized it was no use trying to get Pinkie to cooperate.  “…Well, I suppose all I can do is go in tomorrow and hope for the best…

…besides, how bad could it get?”