Substitute Sanity

by The Gooey Center

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 9745

Twilight and goes to substitute teach in Cheerilee's stead...along with Pinkie Pie.

One would think, with Twilight Sparkle substitute teaching for Cheerilee, nothing could go wrong–until you throw Pinkie Pie into the mix, of course.

The Ponyville Schoolhouse is in for a real treat this week.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-04 23:35:40 UTC

Sunday (Prologue)

Cheerilee knocked on the front door of the tree library, hoping that somepony would answer.  The teacher sat still and glanced around at the sleepy town of Ponyville, still awaking from a lazy Sunday morning.  The earth-pony was tapping her hoof on the ground anxiously; if Twilight didn’t answer the door, she didn’t know who else to go to for assistance.

Thankfully for Cheerilee though, the studious purple unicorn opened her door a moment later, her mane slightly disheveled from a good-night’s sleep.  Her drowsy state left her when she saw who it was at the door.  “Oh, hi Cheerilee!” Twilight greeted with a smile.  “Do you need to borrow some books for your kids at the school?”

“Actually, Twilight,” the mare began in a rushed tone, “I actually need you for my kids at school.”

The unicorn cocked an eyebrow.  “Eh?”

Cheerilee elaborated, shuffling in place like she was in a hurry to get somewhere.  “You see, I just got a letter from a close family member—my sister, actually.  I learned that she’s currently in a Manehattan hospital due to health complications; I want to get to the city as soon as possible to be there for her, but I don’t have any ponies at the ready to substitute teach while I’m gone.”

Twilight put a hoof to her mouth.  “Oh my, I’m so sorry to hear that, Cheerilee.”  Then, her eyes lit up as she realized what the mare had just said.  “…you want me to teach your kids?  Really?”

“If it’s not too much trouble; I trust that you can do a good job,” Cheerilee sighed.  “If I don’t hurry, I’ll miss the next train.  So, you’ll do this for me, then?”

“Of course!” Twilight cheered.  “I’ve always wanted to teach a class!  This will be so much fun!”

Cheerilee turned to start off for the train station.  “Yes, just tell my students that you’ll be teaching them for the few days—a week at the longest, hopefully.”  At that, the teacher trotted off to make the next train out of Ponyville.  She looked back and gave a hasty wave goodbye to Twilight just before rounding a corner.

“Don’t worry, Cheerilee!” Twilight called out to the mare.  “With me in charge, there’s nothing you’ll have to worry about!”

As Twilight waved goodbye to the mare, a pink party pony’s head suddenly popped out from a bush on Twilight’s left.  At first, Twilight didn’t notice the mare staring at her.

“What was that all about, Twilight?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“WHA!  What in the—Pinkie!  What are you doing in a bush?!”

“Well, isn’t it obvious?” Pinkie replied, as if the unicorn needn’t ask.

“No, Pinkie.  No, it’s not obvious.”

Pinkie shuffled back into the bush, only her cotton candy mane sticking out.  “I’m trying to get this bush to tell me its secrets!  One of his friends over there—”  Pinkie stuck a hoof out towards a different shrub on the other side of the street, “—scratched my shoulder the other day.  I’m trying to get this one to tell me which of his friends did the dastardly deed!”

“I…see.  Anyway, Pinkie, since you asked,” Twilight said, trying to get back on topic, “Cheerilee just made me the substitute teacher for the Ponyville Schoolhouse!  This is going to be so much fun—I wish it was tomorrow already!”

Pinkie’s ears perked up.  “Fun, you say?  Well then, count me in—I LOVE fun!  Fun is so fun, y’know?”  She bit her lip in giddy glee at the thought.

All the enthusiasm in Twilight immediately drained.  “Oh, uh…Pinkie, this isn’t exactly the kind of thing that you’d like to do.  Besides, Cheerilee entrusted ME to teach the kids, so…”

“Kids?” Pinkie said with a big grin, “I LOVE kids!  Kids are so…kiddie!  It fills me with joy to see their happy faces after a long day of having fun!  Count me IN!”

The nervous half-smile on Twilight’s face was masking the utter panic in her head.  She couldn’t allow Pinkie Pie to help teach the kids—it would be a disaster!—no offense to the mare, of course…but ‘Pinkie’ and ‘teach’ barely go together in the same sentence.  “I’m sure you’ve other responsibilities to handle this week, don’t you?” Twilight asked hopefully.

“Of course not!” Pinkie cheered.  “That’s why I had to wait this long before I could investigate the perpetrating shrub who slashed my shoulder!  My week is clear for takeoff, Twilight!”

Twilight’s mind was still racing.  She couldn’t think of any excuses, and she certainly didn’t want to say ‘no’ to her friend.  Fresh out of ideas, and giving up the fight, the unicorn sighed loudly.  “Okay, Pinkie…you can come along with me and teach Cheerilee’s class.”

“YIPPEE!”  Pinkie cried, leaping out the bush in celebration.  Despite Twilight’s disappointment, she couldn’t help but smile at Pinkie’s gusto.

“Yes, yes,” Twilight started, trying to calm down the pink pony skipping in place.  “Now then, we have all day to start up the curriculum for this week, so how about we get started?”

“Curriculum?!” Pinkie gasped, her astonishment confusing the unicorn.  “You mean you’re actually going to TEACH them stuff?”

“Um…yes?  What’s the point in being a teacher if you don’t actually teach?”

“Oh, Twilight!” Pinkie said, smacking her hoof on her face at her friend’s ignorance, “Substitute teachers never teach.  They’re the fun ponies that get to do what they want with class because the normal teacher isn’t there!  We could have a field trip to Sugar Cube Corner or something!”

“Pinkie,” Twilight said flatly, “I think your idea of a substitute—no, your entire view on the educational system—is a tad bit…skewed.”

Pinkie gave an oblivious smile and shrugged.  “Either way, I can’t wait to play with the kids tomorrow!  It’s gonna be so much fun!  See ya later, Twilight!”  Pinkie leapt out from the bush again and dashed off in the direction of Sugar Cube Corner before Twilight could even get a word out.

“B—but Pinkie…!”  Twilight trailed off.  She realized it was no use trying to get Pinkie to cooperate.  “…Well, I suppose all I can do is go in tomorrow and hope for the best…

…besides, how bad could it get?”

Monday

Apple Bloom stared nervously at the clock, continually shuffling in her seat.  The big hand was on the five, and the little hand was near the eight; Miss Cheerilee always arrived—at LATEST—at eight o’clock sharp.  The colts and fillies sat silently in their desks; the same question was on everyone’s mind, but no one had the desire to outright say it.

Sweetie Belle happened to notice her friend’s uncomfortable movements.  “Do you need to use the little filly’s room?” the unicorn kindly asked.

“Naw,” Apple Bloom replied, still swaying side-to-side in her desk.  “Ah’m just not feelin’ too good about Miss Cheerilee not bein’ here.”

“Shh!” Scootaloo hushed her two friends from her own desk.  “Don’t mention it too loudly!”

“Don’t’cha think you’re bein’ a bit superstitious?” Apple Bloom asked the pegasus.  “Why don’t’cha go draw a circle in the dirt an’ stand in it, if you’re so scared.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” Scootaloo snapped back.  “It’s Miss Cheerilee; where the heck is she?!”

Diamond Tiara let out a dramatic, huffy sigh.  “It’s been forever since class was supposed to start.  Since Miss Cheerilee isn’t here, can we just leave?”

Almost as if on cue, the classroom’s door swung open, and in trotted Twilight Sparkle. The unicorn looked sleep-deprived, with her mane unkempt and dark circles under her eyes, masked somewhat by her purple color.  Hovering next to the tired-looking mare was a binder filled with so many pieces of paper that several were jutting out at weird angles.

“Hello, class!” Twilight said happily, holding back a giggle.  Despite her appearance, the unicorn was full of energy.

“Huh?  Twilight?” Sweetie Belle questioned.  “What are you doing here?  Where’s Miss Cheerilee?”

Twilight took a breath, having sped over to the schoolhouse as fast as she could.  “Sorry you’re finding out on such short notice, but I discovered just yesterday that I was going to teach you guys.  Cheerilee is dealing with family matters right now, and asked Pinkie and I to substitute.”

“You and Pinkie?” Scootaloo asked, finding it hard to believe.  “You mean Pinkie Pie?”

“Well, she only asked for me, but…” Twilight trailed off.  As she set the binder onto Cheerilee’s desk, she glanced around for any sight of the pink mare.  Though Twilight had initially complained about Pinkie coming along, by now she’d gotten over it, and was fine with Pinkie helping out…wherever she was. “Anyway!  When Cheerilee asked, I went ahead and spent the rest of the day writing up a syllabus; then I realized that it was way too long, so I had to spend extra time condensing the lecture.  And here it is!”  She proudly showed off the thick binder to the students.

The amount of papers made Scootaloo uncomfortable.  “…That’s the condensed version?  Just how many days is Miss Cheerilee gonna be gone for?”

“Oh, she’s only left for about a week,” Twilight replied.  “I know that this seems like a bit much, but I’m sure if we persevere the next few days, we can cram it all in in time for the test!”

“There’s gonna be a test?” Diamond Tiara spoke up.

Twilight was mildly surprised that Pinkie was nowhere to be found, but set the matter aside.  She looked up at her new students, all with varying degrees of enthusiasm, and picked up a piece of chalk with her magic to begin the day’s session.  “Let’s start today off on a high note!  Good morning class!  My name is ‘Twilight…” she wrote her name down on the board as she slowly spoke her name, “…Sparkle.’  I’m going to be your substitute teacher for the next week.  Now, while I would like to play an activity where I get to learn all of your names, I’m afraid we don’t have the luxury of time to do so.”

Scootaloo slumped into her chair and crossed her arms.  “Aw, man!” the pegasus complained under her breath, “I just prepared my story for what I did this weekend!”

“While I’m teaching you,” Twilight continued with a giddy smile, “you shall refer to me as ‘Miss Sparkle,’ okay?”

It was Diamond Tiara’s turn to cross her arms with a small huff.  “Great.  It’s one of ‘those’ substitutes…”

“Let’s dive straight into the lesson then, shall we?” Twilight asked.  With the chalk already hovering in the air, the unicorn scraped it across the board to draw out a few pictures of bottles and odd-looking herbs.  “Today, I will be teaching you all about potions.”

Apple Bloom, along with several other kids, sat up a little straighter in their seats.  “Really?  What kinda potions are we gonna make?”

Twilight furrowed her brow.  “Make?  Oh, nonono, you’re not going to be making any potions—I’m just going to teach you about them!”

The entire class let out a loud, sad groan and slumped into their chairs.  “Awwwww.”

Just then, a voice started from the back corner of the classroom, making everyone turn around to see the source of the bubbly—but disapproving-sounding—voice.  “Wow, Twilight.  I let you teach on your own for three minutes and you’ve already made it an anti-fun-fest.”

“P-Pinkie?” Twilight stuttered, looking at the mare.  “…How the heck did you fit in that tiny drawer?”

Despite the drawer being only five inches in height, Pinkie wasn’t even cramped up in it; only her upper torso was showing, even though there physically wasn’t any room for the rest of her legs.  “I slept here overnight so I wouldn’t miss any of the substituting.”

“You SLEPT in that drawer?!”

“I overslept in it, actually,” the pink pony scolded herself.  “I’m surprised I slept for that long, too—I mean, I came here at three yesterday, for Pete’s sake!”

“I’m not surprised; when I went to find you later yesterday, you were nowhere to be found,” Twilight replied flatly.  “…Wait—you were in that drawer since THREE IN THE AFTERNOON?!”

The foals were sitting quietly, their heads going from the front of the classroom to the back as Twilight and Pinkie’s exchange continued.

“Well, I didn’t have anything else to do—I found out which bush scratched me, so all I had to do was teach him a lesson and then come here to wait for tomorrow!…or, today, rather.”

Twilight was about to ask how in the world Pinkie discovered which bush scratched her, but thought better of it and decided to end the conversation at that.  “…A-Anyway, class, this is your co-substitute teacher, Pinkie Pie.”

Pinkie smiled largely and leapt out from the tiny drawer.  “…and you guys can call me whatever you like!  Or ‘Mrs. Dr. Professor Pinkamena Diane Pie the First’.”  Pinkie stopped next to Twilight in the front of the room, turned to face the students and promptly sat down on the floor.

The kids all stared at Pinkie for a second, and then looked back at Twilight with confusion in their eyes.  Twilight sighed.  “Just call her ‘Miss Pie’.  And no, she’s neither a doctor nor a professor…are you?”

“Twilight, look at the time!” Pinkie asserted, pointing at the clock in the back of the room.  “Fifteen minutes have already been wasted!  Let’s get this potions lab out on deck already!”

“Lab?” Twilight questioned, followed by excited smiles from the students.  “I don’t even have any ingredients!  I was only going to explain how they work!”

“What’s the point in lecturing if the kids don’t get any hooves-on experience?  Let’s go find Zecora!  I bet she has plenty of stuff we can use!”

“Yeah!” Apple Bloom exclaimed.  “Zecora’s got tons of different potions ‘n ingredients!”

Twilight quickly weighed her options in her head.  Thanks to Pinkie, the kids can’t think of anything but physically making potions today; if she keeps trying to rebut, Pinkie’s going to eventually resort to moon logic that the kids will thoughtlessly accept as a valid reason…

With her ears back, her head low, and a scowl on her face, Twilight gave in to peer pressure.  “Fine.”

Everyone, including Pinkie, cheered.  “YAY!”

“But you’ll have to go find her, Twilight,” Pinkie added.  “Not only can you do it faster by teleporting, but I don’t even know where Zecora lives!”

“Wha—how can you not know?!”

“I’ve only been there once,” Pinkie replied nonchalantly.  “You’ve gone there tons of times!”

Twilight’s resistance was becoming even greater; she wanted Pinkie to go so she could actually get some teaching time in.  But since the gears had already begun to turn, there was no way out of this.  “Pinkie…are you sure you can handle an entire classroom of foals by yourself…?” she said, looking back at the students, all of whom had their most innocent smiles on.

“Twilight,” Pinkie declared, “if I can handle loud, demanding babies, these kids’ll be no problem!”

The innocent smiles wavered.  “Gee…” Scootaloo said, “thanks.”

“I’ll be back soon,” Twilight said as she started for the front door.  “Don’t get too out of hoof, alright?”  Pinkie nodded, and Twilight started teleporting in short bursts toward Zecora’s place in the Everfree forest.

After Twilight was gone, Pinkie’s giddy smile spread out even further and she looked toward her unsure class.  “Alll-righty, kids!  Whaddya wanna do first?”

The foals blinked blankly in confusion.  “Huh?” Silver Spoon asked.  “You want us to choose what we do?”

“Don’t you want to do something?” Pinkie questioned.  “C’mon, anything!”

The kids looked at each other, unsure.  They’ve never had this kind of choice before.  “Uh…” Sweetie Belle started, but trailed off before she could say anything else.

“Okay…” Pinkie said, disappointed with the class’s lack of zest.  “Does anypony have any questions ol’ Miss Pie can answer?”

Though getting to Zecora’s had taken only ten minutes by teleport, Twilight had to first wait five minutes for the zebra to return to her house, fifteen minutes for her to get supplies Twilight deemed ‘necessary,’ and then another twenty-five minutes walking all the way to the schoolhouse.  Twilight was just happy to be back, but when she reached the front door, she was hesitant to open it.

“What is wrong, my little presenter?” Zecora asked the unicorn.  “Why the sudden hesitance at the door to enter?”

“I have no idea what to expect,” Twilight replied.  “Pinkie’s in there with the class.”

Zecora smiled knowingly.  “Ah, yes, your friend Pinkie Pie.  Do not fret—I’m sure nothing could go too awry.”

“You don’t know her like I do,” Twilight replied, opening the door with her head turned away and one eye closed.  When she didn’t hear any loud chaos or noise from inside, she opened her eyes and took a look.  What she saw astounded her.

Pinkie was sitting at the front of the room, sitting at Cheerilee’s desk with a book in front of her and speaking to the students, all of whom were taking careful notes.  When Twilight took a dazed step into the classroom, everyone looked up to see who had entered.

“Oh, hiya, Twilight!” Pinkie said enthusiastically.  “Took you a whole hour to get back, wow!”

When Twilight looked at the complex diagrams and equations on the blackboard, her slacked jaw dropped even lower.  Despite already knowing the answer to her own question, the astonished mare just had to ask.  “Pinkie…what the heck are you teaching the kids…?”

“I’m teaching them the word ‘arbitrary,’ silly!” Pinkie answered.  “Sweetie Belle asked, so I looked it up in this dictionary here and gave a few examples to how it’s used in a sentence!”

The book in front of Pinkie glowed pinkish-lavender and flew in front of Twilight’s face.  “Pinkie—this is a book on the theories behind quantum gravity!  The definition Sweetie Belle’s looking for is ‘based on random choice or personal whim, instead of any reason or system.’  You’ve gone and used the mathematical explanation of the word!”

“Whatever gets the job done!” Pinkie cheered obliviously.  “Well class, since Twilight’s back with Zecora, I suppose we should get started on that potions lab!”  The class whined, but started to eagerly put away their papers and pencils.  “Don’t worry!  You can hand your theories on cold fusion and perpetual motion generators up to the front of the class for me to collect; hopefully, we’ll have time later this week to finish the lecture.”

“C-Cold fusion?”  Twilight walked to the front of the room and leaned in next to Pinkie.  “You’ve been teaching them theoretical cold fusion?!  How?—and I thought you said a substitute’s job was to let the class have fun!”

“But Twilight, we all had fun learning the word ‘arbitrary’!” Pinkie said happily.

Before Twilight could open her mouth to argue, Zecora stepped into the classroom, her different potions ingredients all packed into saddlebags on her back.  “Class, I’ve been recruited to assist in today’s potion to make.  It is a simple brew, one whose purpose is to stay awake!”  Her words made the students look at each other, somewhat confused—whether from her rhyming or indirect way of speaking.

“So what’re we learnin’?” Apple Bloom said excitedly.  “What potion to ‘stay awake’?”

“A fairly simple potion, Apple Bloom,” Twilight said, shaking away her astonishment and confusion.  “A potion that keeps a pony’s mind sharp and awake for three hours.  I’ve had my fair share of times making a batch, so it shouldn’t be too hard to judge your accuracy!  Now choose a partner and get in a station, class,” the unicorn declared to the scattering students, everyone trying to find someone to join as quickly as possible.  “You can have up to three in a group if you want.”

Zecora and Pinkie passed out six different herbs and items to each group.  “To ensure you gain some knowledge from this lab,” Twilight announced, “only four of these six ingredients actually make the correct potion.  If you use the wrong ingredients, the potion isn’t going to work; if you do it right, I’ll allow you to keep a small sample you made, should you need for a long night’s studying!”

“Gee…thanks,” Scootaloo said under her breath.

“Hey,” Sweetie Belle whispered, nudging her two friends to get their attention, “Apple Bloom’s worked with potions before!  Let’s make something even better than an alertness potion!”

Apple Bloom shrugged.  “Yeah, but we’ve only got six ingredients—plus, Ah’m sure Twilight would make sure the two wrong ones couldn’t be used t’ make somethin’ else.”

“Now then, class,” Twilight announced from the front of the room, all eyes on her, “each of you have your six ingredients.  I will hand out a paper that shows several other potions, what they do, and what’s needed to make them.  With that information, you must infer which four of your ingredients are used for our focus potion.”

The entire class let out a loud “awwww” in protest.

When the Cutie Mark Crusaders got their paper, they immediately pushed it towards Apple Bloom for examination, hoping there was an alternative potion to make.  The earth-pony filly avidly read the ingredients used for the other kinds of potions described, hoping they could make one other than Twilight’s.

As they looked it over, Sweetie Belle suddenly chimed up, pointing excitedly.  “Look at this one!  It’s a hivemind potion!”

“A what?” Apple Bloom asked.

“‘Hivemind’ means multiple ponies sharing the same thoughts!” Sweetie Belle announced proudly, holding her head up high.

“Good job, Sweetie Belle!” Twilight said from behind the girls, making them jump in surprise with a yelp.  “Knowing what that potion is will help you out a lot in making our focus one!  They’re both based on altering the brain.”

“But why’d you put such a complicated word on here?” Scootaloo asked.

“To challenge you, of course!” Twilight said with a smile, making the three hang their heads low and sigh.  A colt from across the room called out for Twilight.  “Hold on, coming!” Twilight said, leaving the fillies to work on their own.

Scootaloo stared down the hivemind potion on the paper.  “Apple Bloom, y’think you can make this?  I bet Twilight would give us so many more points if we could!”

“…Looks like it needs five ingredients,” Apple Bloom replied thoughtfully.  “Four we have, and one we don’t.”

“Well?” the pegasus said angrily, “What’s the one we’re missing?!”

“…Looks like we have a ‘leaf struck by lightning,’ the ‘stem of a Mind Flower,’ ‘liquid lavender,’ and a ‘lost fox fang.’  All we need is…hey!  All we need is ‘the juice of a zap apple’!  We’ve got some leftover zap apples in th’ cellar at th’ farm—if Ah can somehow get one, we can make Twilight a hivemind potion!”

“A hivemind?” Pinkie said from right behind the girls, making them jump with a yelp.  “What’s a ‘hivemind’?  Is that anything like an ‘arbitrary’?”

“Uh,” Sweetie Belle said, stuttering for words.  “No, uh, we were just…we wanted to make a different potion—a better potion, so Twilight would be even more proud of us!”

“Yeah!” Scootaloo joined in, “but there’s one ingredient we need that we don’t have.”  The filly gave an exaggerated pout.

“Well, that’s no good!” Pinkie exclaimed.  “Whaddya need?  Maybe ol’ Miss Pie could help ya out!”

“Really?” Sweetie Belle asked, all three fillies making puppy-dog eyes.  “Because that’d be a huge help!”

“Sure thing!” Pinkie said happily.  “I love surprises, and I bet Twilight’ll be happy to see how great you guys do!—Oh, and by the way, Sweetie Belle,” Pinkie suddenly added, “I like where you’re going on your idea for a reactor; it looks very promising!”

“What about mine?” Scootaloo butted in.  “I thought surrounding the reactor with cobalt-59 would work to absorb all the neutrons released during the tritium fusion!”

“Perhaps, but the neutron bombardment would also probably transmute the cobalt-59 into cobalt-60, which would in turn have high potential for creating a miniature nuclear bomb,” Pinkie replied casually.  “A kind of ‘cobalt fallout,’ if you will.”

The pegasus reeled back a step.  “Oh…I see.”

“At least, I’m assuming, based on what I read in that dictionary.”  Pinkie brushed the matter aside to return to the original conversation.  “So, whaddya need me to fetch?”

“We need one of mah family’s zap apples,” Apple Bloom said.  “We’ve got some stored in our cellar; jus’ tell mah sis we need one, and Ah’m sure she’ll let ya have it.”

“Oh, I’m sure she will!” Pinkie said as she hopped towards the door.  “Jackie did say she owed me a favor anyways, after I solved that whole ‘apple problem’ she was having!”

Twilight rang a small bell she had on Cheerilee’s desk.  The loud ringing caused all the commotion coming from the students to stop, and they all quietly looked to Twilight.

“It’s two-thirty,” Twilight stated.  “Time to show me what you’ve got, guys!  Zecora, if you would be so kind as to assist me with the judging?”

“It would be rude not to go and see what they’ve brewed,” the zebra replied.

“Oh, oh!” Pinkie exclaimed, jumping in front of Twilight’s view, “What about me?  I wanna judge, too!”

“Uh, no offense, Pinkie,” Twilight laughed, “but it’s probably best you don’t go anywhere near a potion that keeps you alert.  You’re hyped enough as it is.”  At that, Pinkie shrugged and took a seat at Cheerilee’s desk, watching enthusiastically with all the other students, as Twilight and Zecora walked around the room to observe how well each group had done.

“It is easy to tell if this potion’s done right,” Zecora mentioned to the kids.  “Made wrong, its orange color will only be slight.”

Snips and Snails glanced down at their bubbling bowl of purple muck.  Twilight just gave the A-Okay to the group ahead of them, and she was about to view their monstrosity.  Before the unicorn could see it, Snips jumped in front of the potion.  “Uh, Miss Sparkle, hold on a second!  It’s, uh, it’s not—”

“I think we seriously messed it up,” Snails mindlessly added.

When Twilight saw the bowl, her ears folded back and she took a step away.  “Oh…my.  Um…Zecora?”

Twilight moved out of the way for Zecora to see; the zebra stared at the ‘potion’ as if it were death itself.  “If a pony were to consume such,” Zecora stated ominously, “their tummies, they would certainly clutch.”  She reached in her bag for a lid, and placed it over the bowl; Twilight could’ve sworn she saw an eye open from the goo just before being covered.  “If it exists much longer, a fight against it we would lose.” Zecora then picked the bowl up and made for the door, talking to herself.  “I must stop it before it grows, for nothing can stop the…”

Her sentence was cut off when she closed the door behind her.  Twilight turned to Snips and Snails; they were both pale in the face.  “Yeah…I don’t think you guys are taking your potion home today…”  She gave the two a generous score on her clipboard and walked to the next group.

Aside from the enormity the two colts managed to create with only six ingredients given, the rest of the potions were relatively well-made.  Here and there, a pony had used the wrong item, but Twilight was giving everyone high marks, as everyone had done exceptionally well for a first try.

When Twilight and Zecora reached the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Twilight’s face scrunched at the sleek, silver potion in the girls’ bowl; Zecora noticed as well, plus the extra ingredient on their table.  “Ah,” she said with a knowing grin.  “It appears these fillies have gone a step beyond, and made a different potion that does not correspond.”

“…Wait a minute,” Twilight said, looking closer at the bowl of liquid.  “This is the hivemind potion!”

“Yup!” Apple Bloom said happily.  “All we needed was a zap apple t’ make it, so we decided t’ get one an’ make it!”

“Yeah, but this potion’s ingredients were already listed in front of you,” Twilight criticized.  “That immediately takes out half the work for you.”

For the girls’ sake, Zecora defended their actions.  “Though they knew the items to what this potion needed, the technique to brew it is very difficult—and yet they’ve succeeded!  I think that fact alone deserves a positive grade, even though the directions were failed to be obeyed.”

Twilight, on the other hand, was hesitant to give points out to ponies who didn’t follow directions.  “We can’t be certain that it was done well enough, Zecora.  I’ll give it a taste-test, just to be sure.”

Sweetie Belle’s brow furrowed.  “Are you sure that’s a good idea, Miss Sparkle?”

“As long as none of you drank any of it,” the unicorn replied, to which the girls all shook their heads.  “The hivemind effect lasts an hour, and only occurs to those who drink from the same potion; if only one pony drinks it, nothing will happen.  A good hivemind potion has a very distinct, sweet aftertaste.  The potion looks perfectly fine, but if you go and deviate from my directions, you’re going to be graded much more strictly.”

Twilight levitated the bowl and took a small gulp, then smacked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, pondering the taste like a wine-tester.  After making several weird faces, she smiled at the three.  “Wow, that’s sweeter than I’ve ever had before.  Good job girls, your recipe’s flawless!”  She scribbled a score on her clipboard while the fillies beamed at their success.

When Twilight walked away to examine Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon’s work, the Crusaders were startled by Pinkie, who had somehow gotten right behind them.

“Is this really as sweet as Twilight says?” Pinkie asked the girls in a whisper, a giddy smile on her face.

Apple Bloom shrugged.  “Ah dunno; all Ah did was make the stuff.”

“Also,” Scootaloo added, with her eyebrow cocked and a smile on her face, “I’m pretty sure Twilight wouldn’t approve of sharing a mind with you, Pinkie—no matter how long the potion’s effect would last.”

Pinkie gawked at the silver liquid.  “But it looks so tasty…”

Twilight walked up to Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara’s potion to examine it.  “Alright girls, let’s see what you’ve—”

“Whoa,” a bubbly, cheery voice said in Twilight’s head, “Twilight, is that you?”

The sudden look of utter horror on Twilight’s face sent a shiver down Silver Spoon’s spine.  “M-Miss Sparkle?” the filly asked, “…are you okay?”

Twilight’s head whirled around to look at the three fillies she’d just graded.  Standing next to them was Pinkie…holding the cup of hivemind potion.  Unlike Twilight, Pinkie looked completely indifferent.

“Pinkie…?” Twilight said to the mare carefully.  “…What did you just do?”

“We told her not to!” Scootaloo quickly shot in, making sure their teacher wouldn’t blame them for what just happened.

“Twilight!” Pinkie’s voice exclaimed in Twilight’s head, “This is so cool!  I can hear your thoughts, which means you can hear mine, too!”   Pinkie’s facial expressions changed along with what she was thinking.  “IsthisbecauseofthatpotionTwilightbecauseIjustdrankitandittastedSOsweetandnowwecanheareachothersthoughtsand—”

Everyone looked on, extremely confused, as Pinkie continued to make weird faces at Twilight, who was cringing on the floor and pressing her hooves against her temples.

“MAKE IT STOP!” Twilight shouted.  “PIIIINKIIIIEEE!”

The party pony’s mind was literally going a mile a minute.  “—sotheotherdayIwastalkingtoFluttershyandwecameacrossthistree and I was all like: ‘Remember that time Dashie said you were a tree—”

As Twilight continued to flail on the floor, Zecora gathered the children and ushered them out the classroom.  “Quickly children, before this becomes worse!  I must find a way to make their minds not converse!”

“—andinthedictionaryIreadhowgravitationalwavesgivenoffbyblackholescouldbe—”

The kids couldn’t help but chuckle at the tinfoil hat crudely wrapped around Twilight Sparkle’s head.  Their laughs were cut short, though, when the unicorn faced the class with a look so resentful, it was a wonder none of them dropped dead on the spot.

“You sure you wanna wear that, Twilight?” Pinkie asked.  “It was so much fun speaking to each other without having to actually speak!  …Also, that look totally does not suit you.”

Twilight glanced to Zecora for help.  “Is this seriously the best you can do?  I can’t wear this for a whole hour!”

“I’m afraid there isn’t much of a choice,” the zebra replied.  “Unless you want to keep hearing your friend’s mind’s voice.”

Eyes widening in fear at the thought, Twilight clamped the makeshift helm tighter onto her scalp.  “I think I’ll just endure it for now.”  The unicorn let out a defeated sigh.  “Class is dismissed early for today.  I need to go home and rethink my life for a bit.”

“…But what about tomorrow?” Apple Bloom asked.  “Are ya still gonna teach ‘n all?”

“I can’t not teach,” Twilight replied.  “I gave Cheerilee my word, after all.  Let’s just…be more careful, alright class?”

“We’re not in trouble, are we?” Scootaloo asked, feeling guilty about the potion her group made.

“No girls, it wasn’t your fault this happened—not entirely, at least.  I’m the one who decided to drink the potion, after all.”  The school bell clanged loudly, signifying the end of another day of learning.  Twilight collapsed onto the ground, her mind drained from the five minutes of shared thoughts between her and Pinkie.  “I need a good night’s sleep is all; tomorrow will turn out much better, I’m sure.”

One after another, the ponies sifted out from the small crowd around Twilight; in ten minutes, only the purple unicorn was left, still lying down on the schoolhouse doorstep.

“One day down, Twilight,” the mare said to herself.  “At least this day is over with; there’s no way the rest of this week will by anywhere near as bad as it was today…

…

I just jinxed myself, didn’t I?”

Tuesday

Twilight Sparkle hesitated as she reached the front door of the schoolhouse.  She never would have imagined that there would be a time that she didn’t want to spread knowledge and learning to the younger generation.  But then again, she never would have imagined she’d have to teach alongside…

“Twilight?” Pinkie Pie asked, looking concerned at her friend, who was having a staring contest with the door handle.  “Are you alright?”

Twilight was considering every single possible thing that could go wrong today.  Of course, anything she could think of would have to be ruled out as a possibility—Pinkie was quite literally ‘unpredictable.’  Shaking out of her thought, she gave a reassuring smile to the pink mare next to her.  “Of course I’m fine, Pinkie.”  Her horn glowed, as did the door handle, and with a quick turn from her magic, Twilight opened the door and stepped inside the classroom—ready to handle whatever was in store for the day.

The muttering between the kids hushed when their substitute teachers entered.  Twilight took a seat on Cheerilee’s chair at the front of the room, just as the eight o’clock bell rang overhead.  “Good morning, class!” the unicorn announced happily.

“Good morning, Miss Sparkle,” the children replied in a monotonous drone.

The kids waited for Twilight to say something more, to talk about what they were going to do for the day, but instead the mare opened up her large binder and started to flip through the pages.  Twilight was mumbling words under her breath as she glanced over each page; she started to tear them out, sparing only one page for every five or so she removed, and crumpled the papers into the nearby wastebasket.

Confused by Twilight’s actions, the kids looked to Pinkie for some clarification, but the earth-pony was too busy sniffing a discarded piece of chalk lying in the corner of the room.  They waited patiently, watching as Twilight continued to remove more and more papers from the curriculum she had set up the day before.  After another seven minutes of this silent paper-clearing, Twilight finally closed the now-tiny binder and looked back up at her class.  “T—”

“Hey Twilight,” Pinkie suddenly interrupted, “what’re we doing today?”

Sweetie Belle turned from Pinkie back to Twilight just fast enough to notice the unicorn’s eye twitching unnaturally.  “After the little incident we had yesterday,” Twilight began, making the Cutie Mark Crusaders sink into their chairs in shame, “I decided that, for today at least, we’re going to be doing a much simpler learning target.  Also, I’m still a little fatigued, and need more time to rest.  As such, today’s going to be a simple art class.”

Scootaloo shrunk even further into her chair.  “But I stink at drawing…”

“I’ve brought along plenty of materials for different mediums to use,” Twilight continued.  “So you can paint, watercolor, draw—I’ve even got some clay for sculpting if you want.  Just make sure you clean up at the end of the day,” the unicorn stressed.  “I will not allow this classroom to look like a mess.”

“So that’s all we’re doing for today?” Silver Spoon asked.  “No quizzes, or homework, or anything?”

“Nope, none of that,” Twilight replied.  “Today’s just going to be a fun day.”

“YAAAY!” the kids all screamed in unison, making Twilight’s sore brain throb even harder.  Everyone jumped out of their seats and ran to the long tables spanning the walls of the room; paper was already spread around the area to absorb any spillage, and the kids waited patiently for Twilight and Pinkie to hand out the necessary materials.

“Hey, Sweetie Belle!” Diamond Tiara said snottily at the unicorn, “I’ve heard that you’re pretty good at making things.  I betcha I can do better than anything you could draw, though!”

Sweetie Belle’s smile turned into an apprehensive frown.  “Uh…well I…”

“Now, now, girls,” Twilight scolded, overhearing the pink filly’s challenge.  “This isn’t a competition.  Today’s just a fun day, remember?”

“Yeah!” Pinkie added from the other side of the room, wearing saddlebags containing the items Twilight had brought along; each foal would either ask for paint, ink, or clay, and Pinkie would give the corresponding materials.  “Besides—I’ve seen Sweetie Belle’s stuff before!  Nopony’s better than she is at painting!”

Twilight gave the mare a look telling to her shut it.  “Pinkie, this isn’t a competition.  Don’t encourage them!”

“There’s no way Sweetie Belle’s better!” Silver Spoon shot back at Pinkie.  “I bet you haven’t even seen anything Diamond Tiara’s made!  Her dad’s gotten her art classes!”

“Yeah,” Apple Bloom scoffed, “buyin’ yer way through everythin’ like you normally do, huh?”

“Apple Bloom!” Twilight exclaimed.  “There’s no call for—”

“Oh, it is on!” Diamond Tiara said with gritted teeth.  “How’s this sound: a contest—everypony’s invited—to see who the best artist is!  At the end of the day, we all vote for the best one!”

Twilight looked almost offended at these kids’ willingness to compete against each other.  “I am not going to stand by and let—”

“Sounds like fun!” Pinkie interrupted, cutting Twilight off.  “C’mon, Twilight!  No harm done from some harmless amity!  It’ll be fun!”

“I think you mean to say ‘enmity,’ Pinkie” Twilight replied flatly.  Unfortunately, the mass of puppy dog eyes the entire class—and Pinkie—was giving her made it hard to say ‘no.’  The weary unicorn sighed.  “…Do you all promise to play fair?”

Everyone bobbed their heads enthusiastically.

“…and to only say good things about everypony’s project?  And if it doesn’t look ‘good,’ you will complement it anyways?”

Everyone bobbed their heads enthusiastically—Diamond Tiara’s nodding was a bit delayed, though.

“Fine,” Twilight stated.  “I’ll allow this contest to go through.  Of course, during voting, you can vote for any piece but your own.”  Despite not liking it at first, she was already starting to get into the whole idea.  “Pinkie, you and I should come up with a prize or something for the winner.”

Pinkie squee’d in delight.  “Yay, this’ll be fun!  Ooh, I have some ideas for a prize!  Wait here while I’m gone, Twilight!”  Without another word, Pinkie sprinted out the door.

“Oh, this’ll be fun, alright,” Diamond Tiara said evilly, rubbing her hooves together.

“What was that, Diamond Tiara?” Twilight asked innocently.

“Huh?—Oh, uh, I said ‘this is my favorite bun.’”  The filly cocked an eyebrow at her own explanation after saying it.  Twilight’s brow furrowed as well.

“Uh…I see.”  The unicorn promptly walked away, back to her desk to look through her newly-cleaned binder in greater detail.

“You really gotta work on your evil soliloquies,” Silver Spoon whispered to the pink filly.

“Wow, Twilight—”

“That’s ‘Miss Sparkle’ while I’m your teacher, Scootaloo,” Twilight interrupted, not taking her eyes off her canvas as she spoke.

The orange filly rolled her eyes before resuming her amazed reaction.  “I never knew how good you were at drawing!”

“Yes, well, it’s not like a painting or sculpture,” Twilight said sheepishly, not used to such praise.  “I’m only using charcoal—not the most visually attractive of art mediums, what with the lack in color and all.”

“At least you can actually draw something, though…” the filly trailed off.  She looked again at the drawing set up on the easel, made of large thick paper and with a neck-up portrait of a very beautiful-looking mare.  “Wow, she’s really pretty.  She looks familiar; have I ever seen her before?”

“Probably,” Twilight replied, “I’m making a pretty crude recreation of Leonardo da Whinny’s famous painting, the ‘Marena Lisa.’  Honestly, I’m not that good—mine looks nothing like it.”  Twilight looked away from her drawing, having trouble with accepting the praise, and noticed that Scootaloo was staring down at the floor.  “Something wrong?”

“Huh?  Oh, uh, nothing,” the filly replied.  “It’s just…I’m terrible at art.  I don’t want anypony to laugh at me!”

“Scootaloo…” Twilight said supportively, “you don’t have to worry about anything like that.  Everypony is sure to treat you nice…”  Twilight glanced over to Diamond Tiara, who was currently swishing her lips back and forth, moving the paintbrush vigorously on her painting; Silver Spoon was trying her hooves at a lump of clay, but every other second her friend was commanding her to ‘clean out the water cup’ or ‘get some more green paint.’  “…Okay, I understand your apprehension, but just give it your best shot.  I’m sure you’re not the only pony in here that doesn’t think they’re the best artist, but that’s not stopping them!”

Scootaloo looked up at Twilight, confidence coming back to her.  “…You’re right, Miss Sparkle!” the filly said happily, making her teacher smile.  “I bet a lot of my classmates are even worse than I am!  Once everypony sees their garbage, I can just shove all the teasing onto them!”  She ran back to Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, smiling back at Twilight.  “Thanks for the pep talk!”

Twilight stood still, aghast at how Scootaloo took her advice.  “That’s not what I…”

“Hey Twilight!” Pinkie said happily as she entered the schoolhouse.  She noticed the drawing her friend had made.  “Oh, wow!” she exclaimed.  “That’s such a great picture of me!”

“I—wait, what?” Twilight started.

“It captures my likeness perfectly!”  Tears started to well up in Pinkie’s eyes.  “I’m such a good friend that you wanted to draw an awesome picture of me in tribute!  I’m so touched!  Though,” her emotional attitude changed in the blink of an eye, to that of a critic, “my smile should be larger, my nose is a bit long, and the mane should be really curly—not straight.”  The picture looked absolutely nothing like Pinkie, not that she noticed.  “But you can fix that later, I suppose; what’ve I missed?”

“Not much,” Twilight admitted.  “Just everypony working on their projects.  Did you bring that ‘prize’ you were talking about?”

The party mare’s face scrunched.  “Prize?  What prize?  I went out to grab a bite to eat.”

Twilight wasn’t even phased by this information; she expected nothing less from Pinkie Pie.  “But…I thought you said you were going out to get the prize for the winner?”

“Huh?  No, I said ‘I have some ideas for prizes’ and then said to ‘wait here while I’m gone.’  I never said I had to go get any prizes!”

“…So just where is this ‘prize,’ might I ask?” Twilight asked skeptically.

“Right here,” Pinkie said, knocking her hoof against her noggin.  “The winner gets the privilege of having their theorized machine be built in-class!—If you’re okay with that, of course,” Pinkie added at the end.

Twilight stared blankly at her friend.  “…You’re kidding.  You’re kidding, right?  These kids, they don’t know anything about physics—how could they?  Using cold fusion for an energy reactor…”

“Actually,” Pinkie mentioned, “we weren’t working specifically on cold fusion, though most of kids did.  Sweetie Belle, for example, had this design that would harvest the energy radiated from the gravitational waves of a black hole.”

“What?”  Twilight didn’t even know how to respond to that.  Having had enough of Pinkie’s nonsense, the unicorn called out to the back of the classroom.  “Hey, Sweetie Belle,” Twilight started, catching the filly’s attention, “would you mind coming up here and speaking with me for a minute?”

The entire class went “ooohhhhhhh” as Sweetie Belle nervously walked up to Twilight’s desk.  “Something wrong, Miss Sparkle?”

“Sort of,” Twilight replied, looking back at Pinkie.  “Is this true—all this talk about theoretical physics and construction of energy reactors?”

“You mean about my black-hole-harvester?” Sweetie Belle said proudly.  “It’s not too bad if I do say so myself!  If we could find a small enough black hole—say, one the size of a pony—we could use its own electrical charge to hold it in place within a container that would absorb its gravitational radiation.”

Twilight wasn’t sure what to say to that.  She knew some physics, but had a bad feeling this little filly knew tenfold of what she did—either that, or Pinkie told Sweetie Belle to memorize that line.  Getting skeptical, Twilight prodded for more info.  “Yes…but such a ‘pony-sized black hole’ can’t exist, not yet at least; the universe is far too young for such a small object.  You would have to wait for—”

“—at least a duovigintillion years,” Sweetie Belle finished the sentence, annoyed.  “Ten to the sixty-ninth power; yeah, I’m well aware.  But don’t forget—there could possibly exist primordial black holes that formed during the first few moments of the Big Bang, where the natural laws weren’t in-check; black holes that, by now, would be the size of a pony.”

This was no joke, Twilight realized.  She seriously knew this stuff.  “But how would you even get your hooves on such a tiny black hole?  It’d be near impossible.”

Sweetie Belle grimaced.  “Yeah, that’s the biggest problem with my idea.  Really, it doesn’t matter how far away the black hole is, anyway.  As long as we can find one, we could reinforce a hyperspace tunnel from Ponyville to the black hole.”

“You don’t mean a wormhole, do you?!” Twilight exclaimed.  She had been gone for one hour yesterday—one hour.  How did Pinkie teach this stuff in that time?  And to children, no less?!

Sweetie Belle was staring at the clock.  “Miss Twilight, can I please return to my project?  I’m still not done with it yet…”

Twilight didn’t want to let her go just yet—there were so many questions she had.  Honestly, she still had trouble believing this entire class knew just as much as Sweetie Belle about physics.  “…Yes, of course, Sweetie Belle.”

Pinkie noticed Twilight was staring so hard at the ground, it was a surprise the area didn’t burst into flames.  “Twilight, you okay?”

The unicorn shook her head out of her trance.  “You never cease to amaze me, Pinkie.”

“…And that’s why you drew that picture in honor of me, huh?” Pinkie proclaimed in pride.

“Where did it go?” Silver Spoon whined, her head low to the ground and looking back and forth.  She was glancing around every which way: under desks, under the tables, around the other students.  All the while she was also catching glimpses of the competitions’ drawings and sculptures.  When she reached her own spot next to Diamond Tiara, she stopped.  “Oh, there it is!” she said loudly, picking up her paintbrush on her part of the table.  “Always the last place you look, huh?”

“So, what’d you see?” Diamond Tiara whispered to the gray filly discreetly.

“Not much,” she laughed while patting the floor-dust out of her mane.  “As you could expect, Snips and Snails have little more than a white sheet of paper painted a sickly brown; most of the others are good, but nothing compared to yours.”  She glanced down at the half-made painting of Canterlot Castle, in all its majesty and attention to detail.  “I can’t believe how good it looks.”

“Are you saying you doubted my abilities?” Diamond Tiara accused, narrowing her eyes at her friend.  “Don’t ever say anything like that again, got it?”

“S-Sorry,” the filly apologized.  “It looks like your only opposition is Sweetie Belle.  She’s making this amazing watercolor of a river in the middle of an autumn forest, with a single red leaf floating downstream.  I mean, it looks so simple, but…I don’t know, it makes you really think, you know?”

“That’s twice in a row you’ve insulted me,” Diamond Tiara said angrily.  “Watch it.  I know I’m gonna win because of our teacher.  She’s from Canterlot, and she even knows the Princess personally; how could she not prefer a picture of her teacher’s hometown castle?  I don’t care if we’re supposed to vote; I’m gonna get first place!”

“If you say so,” Silver Spoon replied, tilting her head to get another glimpse of Sweetie Belle’s watercolor painting.  Diamond Tiara noticed this, and it only made her more upset.

“That’s it,” the frilly filly said heatedly.  “Silver Spoon, I’m ordering you to sabotage Sweetie Belle’s picture by any means necessary!”

“What?” the gray filly replied, horrified.

“You heard me!” Diamond Tiara said.  “Now get to it!”  Silver Spoon regretfully obeyed, and started towards her target.

Cutie Mark Crusaders were hard at work on their projects.  Sweetie Belle kept taking a step back from her picture on the small easel, scolding at it as if it wasn’t adequate.  Apple Bloom was trying to draw a picture of her, Applejack, and Big Mac down at the farm—though the ponies she drew looked more like balls connected by toothpicks.  “Ugh, Ah’m no good at drawin’ ponies!” the earth-pony filly complained as she spat out her pencil.  “It’s too hard!”

“At least yours actually looks like something,” Scootaloo replied.  Apple Bloom looked to the right of Sweetie Belle, and at the mass of clay her pegasus friend was squishing and pounding over and over.  “I can’t do anything with these hooves. I wish I had unicorn magic, or maybe fingers like Spike has.”

Sweetie Belle shuttered at the thought.  “Ponies with fingers?  Thanks but no thanks.  Besides, I can’t use my magic yet, but I can still paint…sorta.”  She scolded at her autumn forest again.

“Sorta?” Scootaloo repeated.  “Look at that!  It’s amazing!  And now look at this!”  She threw her hooves up in defeat, looking down at her own warped mass of clay.  “What is this!?”

“You could prob’ly pass it off as ‘modern art,’” Apple Bloom suggested.  “Ah’ve seen it work before.  Just slap on an explanation as to ‘why’ it is what it is, or how it’s supposed to make ya feel, and there ya go.  Modern art.”

“Modern art, huh?” Scootaloo said, taking her hooves away from the form she had made.  “Hmm…”  She thought hard, trying to get an idea for a bogus explanation about her sculpture.

“Heya, girls,” Silver Spoon said as she walked up to the three fillies.  She was met with suspicious looks by Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, both of whom inched closer to Sweetie Belle and her picture.

“How’s it goin’?” Apple Bloom replied in a friendly voice, though still eyeing Silver Spoon hard.  “Ya need something?”

Silver Spoon already didn’t like where this was heading.  “…Actually,” she started, “on second thought, never mind.”  She immediately trotted back to her own table.

“Be on the lookout, Sweetie Belle,” Scootaloo whispered, glancing back at Diamond Tiara.  “I think a certain somepony is out to get you.”

“What!?” the unicorn exclaimed, suddenly getting frightened.  “What do you mean?  You don’t mean…  Oh no—I thought my milk tasted funny!”

“Oh great,” Diamond Tiara said, watching from a distance at Sweetie Belle, who was turning hysterical despite Scootaloo trying to calm her down.  “She’s onto you now.  Looks like you’ll have to ruin that picture another way.”

As Silver Spoon wondered just how to do so, Twilight’s yelling caught her attention.  “Watch it, Pinkie!” the unicorn said at the front of the room, protecting her face and picture with her hooves.  “That brush still has paint in it!”

“En garde!” Pinkie said, giggling madly as she swung the brush around at Twilight, splattering several drops of green paint on her friend while she did.

“Pinkie!” Twilight continued to yell, “STOP IT!”

Something clicked in Silver Spoon’s head.  “That’s it!” she said, getting Diamond Tiara’s attention.  “Hey, I have an idea!”

Twilight finally got a hold of Pinkie’s brush with her magic, plucking it from the earth-pony’s hooves like a mother taking a toy from her child.

“Wait, I haven’t finished painting with it yet!” Pinkie retorted, trying to grab the paintbrush back—only to have Twilight levitate it out of her reach.

“You can use it again once you’ve learned the responsibilities that come with it,” Twilight scolded.

“But that means I’ll never get to use it again!” Pinkie whined.  The mare sighed and decided to walk around the back of the room and check up on the students’ progress.  “Ooh, candy!” she said excitedly when she saw Twist’s candy-cane-heart sculpture.  “I like it!  Makes me hungry…”

“Don’t eat the clay, Pinkie,” Twilight called out, having overheard her friend.  “Remember what happened last time you did that?”

Silver Spoon intersected her pink substitute teacher’s walk around the room.  “Hey, Miss Pie?” she asked innocently, trying to get Pinkie’s full attention.

“Yes, Filly-that-wears-glasses-and-whose-name-I-can’t-recall?” Pinkie replied as casually as though she’d said Silver Spoon’s actual name.

Meanwhile, Diamond Tiara—with her stealth-mode engaged—snuck around the mare, holding a squeezable bottle of yellow paint.  The filly set it behind an oblivious Snails with it pointing straight at Pinkie, grabbed the dense colt’s leg, and slammed it down on the bottle right before making a mad dash away from the spot.

The chatter in the room was cut short by a high-pitched scream in the middle of the room.  Everyone turned to see half of Pinkie’s left side drenched in yellow paint, then followed the supposed line of trajectory to Snails, who was still drawing.  “Huh?” he said, the paintbrush dropping out of his mouth, “Why’d it get so quiet?”  He looked up, saw everyone looking at him, then he looked down and saw the paint bottle underneath his hoof, and finally at the yellow-bottomed Pinkie Pie.  “Uuhh…”

“Oh, it is on NOW!”  Pinkie bellowed, her eyes narrowing at the colt—though her large smile implied she wasn’t angry as much as she was playing around.  Everyone was so focused on their wild-mare of a teacher that they didn’t notice Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara silently scooting back to their table and hiding their own projects in the drawers of the tables.

Pinkie jumped towards a table and grabbed a bottle of pink.  “Looks like you could use a paint job!” she cried, and squeezed the bottle hard at Snails.  The paint splattered right in front of the colt, however—onto a translucent wall of magic formed right in front of him; Snails let out a delayed shout of fear and cowered into a ball.

It didn’t take any thought to know the source of the barrier.  Everyone looked at Twilight, her horn glowing strong, as she walked towards Pinkie angrily.  “Pinkie, you—”

“Supporter of the enemy!” Pinkie cried, and let out another shot at Twilight.  Before the unicorn could react, the paint splashed over her face, mane, and front hooves.  “Gotcha!”

There was a hushed silence over the room, which almost seemed frozen in time.  That is, until Silver Spoon shouted loudly, “PAINT FIGHT!”

The entire class acted up at once.  Everyone grabbed a palette, cup, or bottle of paint and tried to color any and every pony that was unfortunate enough to end up in their range.  Sweetie Belle tried her hardest to cover not only her painting, but also Apple Bloom’s drawing and Scootaloo’s sculpture, while the other two returned any fire that was aimed in their direction.

Twilight wiped the pink out of her eyes and glared at Pinkie.  “You’re asking for it now!” the unicorn declared, grabbed a cup of blue paint on a distant table, and dumped over Pinkie’s face.  Despite not being able to see, Pinkie surprised Twilight with a targeted lunge at the unicorn, holding several paint-filled brushes in her mouth to swipe at her friend with.

The prim, clean classroom was sent into a chaotic mix of paint within a minute.  There was nothing Sweetie Belle could have done to protect her picture—especially with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon targeting it more than they were any pony.

“What’ve I done…?” Twilight said, looking at the mess strewn all over the classroom.  “This is terrible!  Everything is covered in paint, and everypony’s hard work is ruined!”

Sweetie Belle looked absolutely crushed.  “Well, my painting wasn’t the best in the world, anyway…it’s not like it was that important.”  She let out a defeated sigh, as Diamond Tiara smirked in the background.  “I guess everypony’s stuff is ruined…”

“Actually, Sweetie Belle,” Pinkie said happily, standing in front of the depressed unicorn and completely drenched in every shade imaginable.  “Nothing’s ruined!”  Everyone looked at the mare, confused, as she walked up to the slanted easel the paper that had once been the filly’s picture was sitting upon.  “And, like magic…”  Pinkie grabbed the edge of the paper, and with a hard tug, the paint plastered on slipped off in a sheet.  “Ta-dah!”

The painting was in pristine condition, the same as it was before the fight started.   Sweetie Belle gasped at what Pinkie had just done.  “Pinkie—er, Miss Pie!  How did you…?”

“You don’t think I’d start something as messy as a paint fight without taking precautions?”  Still holding onto the dripping slab of art materials, Pinkie showed off the other side, which was slick and shiny.

“Plastic wrap?!” Diamond Tiara yelled in surprise.  “How the heck did you wrap this entire place without anypony noticing?!”

Pinkie grabbed an edge of the classroom wall and started to tug; the paint-covered wrap came off like an invisible, peel-able barrier.  “Well, with everypony so focused on their artworks, I’d have been surprised if somepony HAD noticed me.”

“You almost gave me a heart attack,” Twilight exhaled.

“Wow!” one of the kids said as they looked at Sweetie Belle’s picture in detail.  “That’s amazing!  Everypony,” the filly called out to the rest of the class, “check out Sweetie Belle’s amazing picture!”

Everyone was struggling to get a good view around the picture; Sweetie Belle was starting to blush from all the ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ she was receiving.  “It’s just a simple picture of a forest…” the unicorn passively replied.

“Yeah!” Diamond Tiara said snottily.  “It’s not that great!  Let me show you what I made…”  The filly opened the drawer, and upon looking inside, shrieked.  “Wh-What…?”  She pulled out a piece of paper that was soaked with orange paint—along with the inside of the drawer itself.  Diamond Tiara yelled at Pinkie, who was still working on removing all the paint-covered plastic.  “I thought you said you covered the entire classroom!”

“I did!” Pinkie cheerily replied.

“Then how did paint get INSIDE the DRAWER?!” she screamed.

Pinkie only shrugged; Scootaloo was whistling a tune in the background.

“Sorry about your painting, Diamond Tiara,” Twilight said sadly.  “It’s my fault the fight got out-of-hoof in the first place…”

“Oh, Twilight,” Pinkie laughed.  “It was my fault, not yours!”

“That’s not something you should say with your head held high,” Twilight snapped.

“So Miss Twilight,” Twist said to the unicorn, “what’d Sweetie Belle win?”

“Huh?” Twilight asked.  “Do you mean everypony’s already…?”

“It’s unanimous!—well, ‘cept for Diamond Tiara,” Apple Bloom said, eyeing the pouty pink filly.  “We all agree that Sweetie Belle’s is the best, hooves down!”  Sweetie Belle looked ready to die, she was so embarrassed at the attention her painting was receiving.  Apple Bloom asked again, “So what’s the prize she won?”

Twilight looked at Pinkie; the mare now had a paint-filled ball of plastic rolled up in the corner of the room.  Pinkie gave a ‘zipped-lips’ motion to Twilight.  “It’s a secret!” Pinkie replied to the kids.  “Don’t worry, though.  We’ll let you know by the end of the week!”

When the clock overhead rang for three o’clock, everyone was still out back washing the paint off themselves.  “I personally bought all those bottles, Pinkie,” Twilight mentioned to her co-teacher as she stood under the cold hose water.  “That’s my bits literally going down the drain—or into the ground, rather.”

“But wasn’t the price worth the fun you had?” Pinkie asked with a wide grin.

“No.  No it wasn’t.”  Twilight sat under the hose and collected her thoughts.  “I have to admit, though…while today certainly wasn’t the best, it was much better than yesterday.  So I suppose it didn’t get any worse, did it?”

“You shouldn’t say that, Twilight,” Pinkie advised.  “You’ll jinx yourself saying something like that.”

“Oh, Pinkie,” Twilight laughed.  “Don’t be so superstitious.  Tomorrow will be great, I just know it!”