The Lies We Live

Chapters

With Eyes Shut Tight
With Eyes Kept Shut
With Eyes Wide Open

With Eyes Shut Tight

The touch of the sun warmed Twilight’s fur as a soft breeze brushed through her mane like a gentle caress. A pleasant aroma wafted its way into her nostrils from the flowers and eateries around Ponyville below. From the balcony of her new castle, she could see all of the wonderful ponies going about their day. Such a lovely day as each day in Ponyville was.

But as she took in the wonderful day, a single thought prodded at the back of her mind. One that had teased her numerous times before. Was all of this real? At times it seemed that her life was all but perfect. At others, terrible and overwhelming. Each time the thought entered her mind, she questioned herself and everything she knew.

There were certainly times her life seemed unreal. Frightening times that seemed too terrible to be real. Times when she wished she was witnessing a nightmare and wanted nothing more than to awaken. There were wonderful times that seemed little more than a dream themselves. The times when life was simply perfect and only the imagination could conjure up such moments.

And yet, all of what she saw before her and all that she felt now had to be real. There was no other explanation. The sensations confirmed the reality. Sight, smell, touch, sound, taste, everything acted together and told her mind she was indeed awake. Even pain told her mind this was no illusion of the subconscious. Yet no matter how real the sensations or emotions, that questioning thought continued to prod the back of her mind each day.

Twilight shook her head and dismissed the thought as always and took another whiff of the smells from below. Another breeze gently brushed against her as if to reinforce her conviction. The Princess of Friendship. No matter how unreal or dreamlike it seemed, this was her life.

She turned from the balcony and began wandering the halls of the castle. The pink and purple hue of the crystalline walls glistened in the light that poured in through the windows. The occasional blue and yellow shined and blended with the more prominent colors. Each lit up the halls and created a glowing pathway of colors. The lights seemed to dance to the song of color as she walked down each hall.

Twilight rounded a corner and entered the main hall that held the magical map of Equestria and the thrones for her and her friends. Light poured in from the surrounding windows which bounced around the room and struck the chandelier. The decorated roots from the former Golden Oaks Library shined as both a reminder of what once was and hope for the future.

She took a moment to close her eyes and drink in the feelings she had at the sight. This was her home. This was her life. She had questioned it before but she knew she was meant to be here, meant to be a princess. She belonged.

But as she opened her eyes, things seemed…off. The light appeared fuzzy and the room hazy. Everything around her seemed distant and detached from her and everything else. Was she imagining it?

She reached out to touch the table that held the magical map to check her senses. For a moment, the table seemed to move away from her hoof and the room seemed to grow. As her hoof tapped the edge of the table, all returned to normalcy. Why did she feel this way?

Twilight shook her head to dispel the thoughts. She must still be tired, not fully awakened from her night’s rest. She gave another look around and breathed a sigh of relief as everything was as it had been. The thought of lingering exhaustion satisfied her unease and allowed her to resume the enjoyment of her restful day.

She only took a single step before the sound of hoof steps caught her by surprise and caused her to jump slightly. She turned to the main doorway and say Applejack enter and greet her, oblivious at having startled her friend even if slightly. Twilight relaxed and returned the greeting and took half a second to register that she had just started thinking about her friends. Even more coincidental was that she had wished to see Applejack first.

Once again, Twilight pushed her thoughts aside as the two friends began conversing and talked about the beautiful day. It was indeed a lovely day and had only gotten better now that Twilight was able to see her friends. Perhaps she would see the others as the day went by.

As the two ponies conversed, Applejack glanced up at the decorative wooden chandelier and began reminiscing about the events that led to it being there. Tirek attacking and draining the magic from the ponies of Equestria. The destruction of the Golden Oaks Library. The creation of the castle. The friends’ efforts to make the castle more inviting to its new occupant.

As Applejack spoke, Twilight recalled each of the events as they were spoken of. She had been there for each and knew of them along with the other associated events that Applejack had not been present for. Yet despite her recall, each event seemed as distant and unreal as a dream. Why? Was it because they were past events? Surely it had to be.

Her thoughts joined the other earlier thoughts on the wayside as she pushed them aside at the sight of Pinkie Pie bouncing into the room. The excited pink pony began her usual nonsensical ramblings until she centered on a picnic she wanted to have with all the friends. Both Twilight and Applejack agreed and followed the bouncing pony out and towards the meadow where the picnic was to take place.

As the three made their way through the town, Twilight cast her gaze from side to side to see the other ponies going about their day. She glanced upward to see Rainbow Dash soar overhead with a call to race the friends to the meadow, a challenge the others allowed to pass by. They met Rarity near the edge of town and finally met with Fluttershy, and a gloating Rainbow, at the designated picnic spot.

The sight of all of her friends together brought untold joy to Twilight as she took a moment to soak in the wonderful feeling. But the joy was only short lived as she glanced about her friends and felt as though something was missing. The thought itself was even shorter lived and gave room for the joy to return as little Spike brought up the rear carrying a large wicker basket with the picnic blanket on top.

While her friends set out the blanket and began unloading the basket, Twilight was left off to the side, watching. She asked if she was needed and, for a moment, was met with silence. Such silence brought about yet more strange feelings. This time, she felt more distant than before. A stranger amongst those she considered her friends and a wanderer among the land. The feeling of belonging had seemed to vanish entirely, as though it had never been there to begin with.

Once more, she was able to push aside the dreadful thoughts when her friends finished the preparations and sat with welcoming smiles, inviting her to sit and join in their fellowship. The meal began with warm smiles all around and the delightful aroma of the food within the basket. Each bite of the meal brought a pleasant sensation and calmed Twilight of her earlier worries.

As if in an attempt to dispel all lingering worry, Twilight began reminiscing of the time she met each of her wonderful friends. The conversation moved from there to a walk down memory lane as they talked about all of the grand adventures they had had and the many challenges they had faced along the way. As they talked and laughed, cringed and comforted, Twilight felt at home.

Yet the ravenous animal that is fear encroached upon the joy once more. The conversation diverted to things unrelated to the grand adventure Twilight had come to know and into that of the ordinary. More troublesome was that her friends became more distant, more than just figuratively. As they spoke, they spoke of things that did not include their alicorn friend and seemed to ignore her more and more as the conversation continued. As she grew more distant from the discussion, Twilight felt herself drift away and see the five friends from afar. Even Spike seemed to vanish from existence.

What was this? Things grew ever more distant and detached from her and everything else each passing second. The sounds of the wind and birds faded into silence and the gentle brush of the wind and touch of the grass vanished. The world blurred and became foggy. Why?

Twilight looked about at the fading world around her and found her answer. None of this was real. It never was.

With Eyes Kept Shut

With a squint and a moan, the world came into focus. Twilight looked about her room and squinted her eyes tight at the sight of the morning sunlight beaming through the window. She groaned and rolled over in her bed and sat up, giving a yawn and rubbing the morning grit from her eyes. A sluggish day it would seem.

With her sight and sense of touch finally returned from their own slumber, Twilight gazed about the room. It was rather simple and functional. The bed sat off to the side of the room and a small night stand with a book set upon it sat to the side of the bed. At the other end of the room was a desk with three opened books and a scroll with unfinished scrawl marks. The walls were lined with bookshelves, each filled to the brim with books of all kinds.

Twilight thought back to the odd dream she had woken from, another in a series. She looked herself over to see she had no wings but the body of a normal unicorn, as she had always had. Such fancy to believe she could become a princess, much less an alicorn.

She hopped down from her bed, giving a short wobble, and had to lean against the bed until her still tired legs could support her. The effect of the dream continued to berate her as she expected to find a small dragon sleeping in a small bed at the foot of hers or to find such walk in to see if she was awake yet. Yet no dragon was present.

With the dream still fresh in her mind, Twilight walked over to the desk and examined the scroll, a report on a study of levitation magic. She walked over to the window and peered out at the busy streets of Canterlot below. She looked back at the book lined walls and the unfinished report on the desk. Her life as it had always been.

She thought back to the dream once more. The friends it had created and the adventure it had designed. Yes. That was all it was. A creation of the subconscious, nothing more.

There were no wonderful friends or grand adventures. There was no crown she wore or castle she lived in. There was no small dragon who was like a little brother. Nothing. A figment of the imagination and nothing more.

Twilight picked up a hoof and stared at it. She gritted her teeth as tears began to well up in her eyes. Why? Why could she not have that adventure or those friends from her dream? Why was she left alone?

She reared up and slammed her front hooves into the floor. Why could she not have the wonderful things that her dream had shown her? Why did it tease her with wonders and joy only to fade and remind her of her loneliness? Why?

Night after night, the dream had taunted her with a fantastical life full of joy. Friends who were as close as family and a life of importance and prestige. And each morning, the dream faded and her real life was laid out before her. She was alone.

Twilight felt her teeth begin to grind and her hooves scrap the floor. Why was she alone? Why did her subconscious torment her night after dreadful night? Was she expected to do something?

She thought to the many ponies she had seen and compared them to the friends her dream had created. Yes, created. It seemed that no such friends existed. And what did she care for those she did see? Haughty and self-centered. Focused on mindless things and personal gain. If ponies such as those in her dream did exist, they were not to be found in Canterlot.

But what of her? Day in and day out she toiled away to gain whatever knowledge she could. She devoured the teachings of the wise and knowledgeable. And she had hidden herself away, looked down upon the thought of making friends. Just as others had refused her, she had refused them.

She stared down her hooves as tears dripped from her face to the floor. Was it all really that bad? She was a talented, even gifted, unicorn. She had managed to prove herself and had not only be admitted to the School for Gifted Unicorns but had shown such promise to become the personal student to Princess Celestia, the only alicorn known to exist. Such talent, such promise. Was this not worth a bit of loneliness? The princess had even grown to be like a second mother.

Twilight felt her rage subside and her tears cool as they continued to stream down her face. Could she have more? Even just something small? A single friend. One small journey to satiate her wanderlust. Something.

She went to the window once more and looked out at the ponies below. She could change. She could be the friend she wanted. She just needed an opportunity. One chance to change it all. Just one was all she asked for.

But how did she make friends? She tried to think back to the dream but only recalled having the friends and not how to make friends. How did one become friends with others? She needed to know. She only need one friend. That would be enough.

She felt a smile cross her face. She would do it. She would change and make a friend. No matter what it took, she would end this dreary loneliness that hounded her. Please, just one chance to make just one friend. That was all she asked for.

She turned to the door and froze, her body unwilling to listen to commands. Her room stretched and the door moved far out of reach. A ring echoed in her ears and incited frustration. The room continued to stretch as she felt herself being pulled away from it all.

With Eyes Wide Open

Twilight opened her eyes and looked over at the desk that her phone sat upon. It continued its dreadful ringing which had drawn her from her daydream, a tone she would have to change sometime. She stood from her bed and picked up the phone to see the caller was her mother.

She answered and was greeted with a scolding to be out of bed and readying for school, a scolding she often received whether she was up yet or not. Twilight explained she was already up and ready, as per her parental instructions that they had left behind. The response met the satisfaction of her mother who grew calm and thanked her before saying she would be gone another few days for her meeting and continued with instructions on how to care for herself. Instructions that Twilight had heard multiple times and had written down in at least four places. To such repetition, Twilight simply responded with her understanding and nothing more.

The conversation was short following and, after an exchange of partings and expressions of love, ended shortly thereafter. Twilight was once more left alone. With both parents away at business meetings and her brother still away for military training, she was as alone now as she had been for some time. Nothing seemed to change it seemed.

The thought of family dredged up forgotten memories, along with some suppressed ones. She had once been happy. She once had parents who were there for her and expressed their love daily. She once had a brother who was the only friends he had ever known, or seemed to ever need. A life of happiness, robbed of color as the years had gone by.

Now, her parents spent their time working, whether at home or not. They often went on extended business trips, even at the same time. Her brother had had found other things to do and had recently left to join the military. It was common now for Twilight to be left alone, not only physically but emotionally.

As she walked down the hall on her way to gather her school supplies, she took a moment to glance at a family photo hanging on the wall. Taken some time ago, the family in the still image appeared happy and loving. A far cry from the one Twilight knew.

As the years had passed, the love had faded. Her parents gained greater prestige in their careers and had put more and more focus on said careers. Her brother had drifted further away as he grew older until he left in the name of honor.

There was nothing to be ashamed of with each. The family did live well with the annual income of such successful business persons. The life of a soldier that her brother would lead was one to be proud of. And Twilight did attend a grand school that provided the base to whatever she could want in her life. But all of this did little to alleviate the loneliness that the young girl felt.

After grabbing her school bag, Twilight stopped. What about her? Her parents were successful in their careers and her brother would soon stand ready to defend the land they lived in. But what of the young Twilight whose life had hardly started? What would she do?

She had thought long and hard about what she desired and had come up with nothing. Her school provided the opportunity but she had lost the drive. What did it matter? As long as she was left alone, what was the point of success and pride? She had no natural gifts or talents as it was. Though she had a few skills that were required when one lived alone, it only pained her to recall that each was self-taught. No one with the time or, as it seemed, the care or desire to teach her.

Twilight gripped the strap of her bag tightly. Did they even care for her anymore? No matter how often they said it, the statements of love from her parents felt hollow. The praise for her success in school, staged. As if each was practiced for each staged performance and success was expected. They claimed to care for her, but such claims only made the chasm between them that much more evident.

Her thoughts continued to torment her as she finally exited the house, ensuring to lock the door as she left for the bus. Her ride to school only reminded her of the monotonous life she led alone. Classes with repetitive or pointless tasks. Going through each day separated from the rest of the student body, due in part to her reclusive nature. And the question of what next following such schooling.

She stepped off the bus and looked over her destination. What was the point of it all? What was her role in all things? Was there even a point? Was she even needed in this thing called life?

That was why she daydreamed, she thought. Of course she was not so depressed to even consider ending it. She could not even bring herself to consider that option anyways. She just wanted something more. She wanted to belong, to have a purpose. But what was that purpose? That was why she daydreamed. To imagine purpose or a life without loneliness.

The day dragged on as it always did. She went through the day unnoticed by others, including the teachers. Her thoughts continued to drift and wander as she mindlessly went about her day. Just another drone. But as the time for lunch approached, things changed.

Her wandering mind caused her to choose a different seat other than the one she usually sat in, a solitary table far off to the side. She had not realized her blunder until a shadow passed over her and held its place. She turned to see a girl and her friends standing behind her. Not upset, just curious.

Before she could apologize for taking the girls’ seats, the lead girl smiled and greeted her, saying she had harldy seen Twilight before. Twilight shifted to stand and leave but was met with a hand and the girl’s smile as she introduced herself as Minuette.

Torn between making an apology and then leaving and returning the introduction, Twilight was silent. She sat for nearly half a minute holding her tray and staring at the offered hand. She questioned the reality of the situation, wondering if she was simply daydreaming again. But with a timid touch, she took hold of the hand and returned the introduction.

The hand was real. The situation was real. And Twilight could not help but smile with Minuette whose smile only got bigger. The girls sat and the others were introduced. Lemon Hearts, Twinkle Shine, and Moondancer.

The rest of lunch period was a mix of joy and worry for Twilight. Minuette and her friends conversed easily with one another and Twilight was caught in embarrassment at the new situation. She instinctively shied away for most of the conversation, though still beggin that she was not daydreaming. Slowly, she opened up.

Lunch ended and the five girls returned to their classes. But Twilight’s fear of the joy being short lived was put to rest as she discovered that she shared several classes with each of her new acquaintances and one with all at once. Through the rest of the day, Twilight felt her life shift into the light.

When the school day was over, Twilight was allowed to meet with Minuette and the others before they each returned to their respective homes. For Twilight, the parting was like having a part of her torn away. Something wonderful, taken before she truly got a chance to enjoy it. Despite the promise to see her again tomorrow, she did not wish to leave the girls’ company. To part from those she already considered her friends.

But as the five girls parted and Twilight resigned to return to the empty home, a single sight caught her eye. Standing at the edge of the school was a young man dressed in the dress uniform of a soldier. A closer look revealed the young man to be her brother.

Upon his face was a warm and loving smile, one that Twilight recalled from days gone by. She approached and greeted her brother, unsure what to make of the situation at hand. But to see the smile upon his face and to feel the love that emanated from him, she was taken over by emotion and grabbed him in a hug. He returned the hug and she felt the full force of his love.

The siblings talked on their way home, driven by a friend of her brother and new comrade of his. During that time, Twilight found that the brother she thought had drifted from her had never gone away. Grown but still the same. Physically, he was now going to be far away. But he would always be her loving brother.

When they arrived at home, they were greeted with a wonderful surprise. Waiting for them were both parents, each having concealed their time of return to surprise their children in honor of their son’s completion of his military training.

Though life had caused many things to change, it seemed that some things had never really changed. A perception brought upon by change and perhaps influenced by a fear of change. Perhaps her family had never really changed as much as she thought. Perhaps it was she who had changed. Regardless, she now had the family once more she thought she had lost.

Finally, after so long it seemed, Twilight could feel true love from her parents once more. The color of her life had returned. And with new friends at school, new colors painted her world brighter than before. Her drive for a future was refueled.

With what she now had, there seemed to be no more need for fantastical daydreams. She now had what she wanted. The life she held in her hands now, she could cherish. Perhaps it had always been there, having been lost and waiting to be found. But now, it did not matter. Her life had light once again.