The soft, yellow glow of candlelight helped to give the small room a homely and warm appeal that would be absent otherwise. The storm outside raged on nevertheless, continuing it's attempts to blow down Sweet Apple Acres and wash away the remains in a sea of heavy and unrelenting rainfall. With every gust of wind, the whole room seemed to rattle and creak like it was actively fighting against the tempestuous weather which threatened it.
All of the chaotic noises, no matter how obtrusive, fell on deaf ears. Those deaf ears belonged to an orange earth pony who sat in solitude at a tiny, enclosed desk in the corner of the room where the source of the warm candlelight resided. The noises outside didn't bother her, all her attention was focused on the paper in front of her. Crudely written words and indiscriminate scribbles littered the otherwise blank space, a lot of which was smudged and diluted thanks to the silent tears that dropped from the end of the pony's muzzle. The candle flickered and the farmers emerald eyes glimmered for the briefest of moments before her eyes once again became shrouded in shadows. Her gaze hadn't left the paper sat on the desk for what felt like an eternity and she felt like she had read it over and over again, but still her reeling mind refused to process what was clearly laid out in front of her; words that she herself had written only a few minutes previously.
Dear Rara,
It's kind of funny writing to you like this again. It must be years since I last sent a letter your way, before you even left for Manehattan in fact. But thanks to some crazy coincidence, you're in my life again and you don't know how happy that makes me. I was so afraid when we lost touch. I was afraid you didn't want to be my friend any more, I was afraid I'd said something that offended you. Of course I was just being a silly pony, but I was just a little filly back then.
But the honest truth of it all is...what I was really afraid of...was the pony I saw arriving at the charity festival. The pony with all the dancers who hid behind a veil and gave out fake kisses. I know ponies change but I didn't want to believe you had. I was plum scared of just trying to talk to you, scared you wouldn't recognise me, but I guess I was a silly pony again there, huh?
Oh look at me starting off all depressing, I don't want this letter to be like that. I mean, so much has happened in our lives since we last spoke, there's plenty of better things to talk about right? I'm sure you've got some mighty fascinating tales from your time in Manehattan. I almost wish I'd been there with you, to support you and all that. Then again, my time in Ponyville certainly hasn't been boring, that's for sure.
I'm pretty sure I'm just rambling now, I just love really like talking to such a beautiful amazing friend like you.
It became harder and harder for Applejack to make out each sentence in front of her, as more and more words became scribbled out until whole sections were crossed out entirely. All the earth pony's emotions laid out onto paper, and then erased in an instant with one sharp line of ink that cut through the words like a knife. All, except for the last paragraph.
I always loved you Rara. At first, it was more just friendly love. I loved playing with you, and you were the greatest friend I'd ever had in my life. Camp Friendship wouldn't have been nearly the same without you there with me. But after seeing you again, and hearing you sing at that piano just like an angel...it makes my heart flutter just thinking about it all. When I was with you on stage, it felt like the rest of Equestria just disappeared around me, and in that single moment, you were the only thing that mattered. But love isn't as easy as herding chickens or cows, so I just stood there and kept all my feeling's bottled up. I saw some of the looks you gave me that night but I meant what I said to you. You ARE the brightest star I've ever seen shine, I don't care how corny or ridiculous it sounds and I don't give a pickled pippin' what you might think of me for saying it, but it's all completely true. I just wish I didn't have to say goodbye so soon. I just wish I'd said so much more to you. I just wish-
Applejack's lips quivered, and a chill seemed to run continuously up and down her spine as she read it all again. Was this really the thoughts that ran deep in the back of her mind? These weird, concealed desires? Did she even like mares? Did Rara?
She looked back down to the paper again which rustled as the tiniest gusts of winds seeped through thin cracks in the window frame. She blinked once. Twice. Her hooves reached for the letter and tore it apart. She shut her eyes as the steady stream of tears became a flood and she gnashed her teeth together as her mind wanted to scream.
The remnants of the letter quietly and gracefully fell to the floor, it's words, much like the storm outside, falling on deaf ears.
An orange head fell onto the desk and muffled sobs echoed off the walls. Images of rejection flashed before the mare's eyes, images of losing rara, images of losing all her friends. Ponies' disembodied heads seemingly appeared out of nowhere, closing in on her, surrounding her, circling her. Her ears were filled with the word. That one single, painful word that stuck to her subconscious and refused to leave; Fillyfooler, fillyfooler, fillyfooler, fillyfooler... The heads chanted on and on, their voices growing louder by the second. Applejack shook her head violently. Why would these thoughts not go away? Her fur was soaked with her own sorrow, and her eyes were sore and red but none of it mattered to Applejack. Not when it felt like the entire of Equestria was against you. She just wanted to be free from all the pain, from all the hurt.
But the prison of her mind was built from it.
