Scootaloo's New Year Resolution: Infinite Jest

by Skylarking the Stargazer

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Scootaloo, Random
Length: 3369

When Scootaloo finally takes her time to work on her wings and fly sky high, things go the complete other way around.

After seasons, and seasons, AND SEASONS! Our little Scoots can't fly, for ponykind's sake!

So by the end of the year, she decides to get herself focused on flying only, by putting her scooter skills aside for awhile (which is for a few hours or so). It won't be easy to do so, that's the solid fact, just trying again and again and again makes her whole body ache with pain, and her head's a complete mess.

At least, it wasn't because of her effort, but because she helped ponies excluding herself learn to fly in their own way...

Partially inspired by the book "Infinite Jest" (just the title mostly), written by David Foster Wallace, which I (personally) do NOT recommend you to read unless you absolutely love books and has a high level of comprehension on them.

Published 2016-01-05 10:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-30 04:26:36 UTC

She "Believed" She Can Fly...

So there was sunshine, there were the gloomy clouds, there were the unicorns, there were the earth ponies, there were the pegasi, there was the Scootaloo.

"There was the" Scootaloo.

Why was she classified as a species?

Let's find out.

Who gives a damn about Scootaloo being parentless when she has all the luxury of nuns and maids serving her in her orphanage? That spoiled brat even got herself a scooter, FROM ANOTHER PONY!

Every day and now, she comes out of nowhere, riding her scooter and jumping over trash bins. she would do random tricks with it, trying to look cool, putting some sleek rainbow maned cyan featherbrain as her role model. Of course, then it distracts her from scooting and then she trips over trash bins like a filthy squirt, what a trash she is.

You would think that only foals and her friends like to admire Scootaloo's stunts on her scooter. Well you're right, but DEAD WRONG. Whenever Pumpkin Cake sees that orange filly on her scooter, she would often pick her up with her magic and smudge her face onto the ground, smeared with dirt and eating the grass at the same time (literally). Cup Cake, as the responsible mother, will often act what's right and teach the youngsters not to be eaten by Everfree monsters. She scolds-

"Scootaloo, for feather's fairy fable! Get some new wings instead!"

Justice served? Pretty much. Inflammable too.

"CAN YOU JUST SHUT YOUR BLOODY TRAPS?! I'M TRYING TO FREAKIN' THINK ON HOW TO FLY!"

WHAT?! She knew I was here? That can't be! I put on the Fourth Wall Proof Spray!

"Gee, Scootaloo! Calm your squits already! We're discussing something just as important as whatever you're thinking, I'm sure," her bestie (for life!) Sweetie Belle replied with stacks of papers on her hooves to announce what they've been through before the new year arrives. She was not as half as intimidated as the third filly in the clubhouse, Apple Bloom, who was already trembling down her veins.

Wait nevermind, Scootaloo was talking to her friends. Thank goodness because I got fired from my job many times already, all because of my terrible fourth wall breaks before.

"Shut up! You don't understand what I've gone- Wait, what's a "squit"?"

"Ugh, why you gotta be a prick about my grammar and just move on?! Because I don't even know!" Sweetie Belle threw her papers in the air, losing it more than Scootaloo now. Only to slip on them after they landed on the floor.

"Well, okay then. Seriously though, I hafta learn how to fly, I already got my cutie mark and the last thing they expect a pegasus with a cutie mark is to freakin' flap those damn wings."

"Scoots, remember what you said about tryin' to fly last time thanks to Diamond Tiara? You almost ruined our win to carry the Ponyville flag!" Apple Bloom recalled, enraging our little orange filly to attempting to lash out on her friend.

"I. Thought. We. Were told. Not to speak of that again. Didn't we?" Her blood shot eyes and the sinister smile made Apple Bloom look hopeless. She stepped closer and closer to the yellow earth pony, closing the pace between the two, until she accidentally stepped on Sweetie Belle's belly, who exploded with life and blasted Scootaloo, bouncing her off all the clubhouse walls. Finally Scootaloo was shot out of the clubhouse, soaring sky high into the untouchable clouds (at least that's what she stubbornly believed), and somehow to the direction of Ponyville too.

In the clear open mass of infinite air, Scootaloo felt alive and peaceful, there was nothing that she can imagine to be better than tasting the blues above the land, along with Rainbow Dash that is. Wherever Rainbow goes to, she will go along with her too. No matter how high, far, and fast the cyan mare flies, she will work her lungs out to flap the blood out of her wings, just to fly along with her, too. That of course, includes crashing other pegasi out of her way, knocking them into trees and houses.

So taking her chance, Scootaloo slowly began moving her wings, then beating it faster and faster. She can feel it, YAS! The texture of the air under maximum pressure and friction from her own force. She spread her hooves at her front and back with the widest position she has ever done. Her eyes were locked dead onto what's going on in front of her, no matter when or where. Her mouth had this smile not as sinister as with Apple Bloom, but a smile of natural pegasus pride and infinite honor. A new spark of hope has officially begun for her...

Oh right, of course we all know, what wings she can flap with?

"Wait. WHAT?!" Scootaloo shouted, as she just froze in midair with absolute uncertainty. Oh well, guess she's done for this time.

Plummeting down back to earth three hundred meters per second, Scootaloo desperately tried to swing her hooves in a circle and flap her wings at the same time, but she couldn't concentrate on all her body parts at once. And so she still fell, until she had this final trick up her imaginary sleeves...

Pray for the best. Well, that's about the only thing she can do right?

"HEEEEELLLLPPPPPPP!!!!" Scootaloo screamed like a whiny fool (even though she kind of is). This is it, she's gone forever, no way to be saved now-

Scootaloo suddenly shot straight forward just as she was about to smudge her skull into the rock hard ground. She couldn't believe it; she was FLYING! It actually worked! She did it! Whoo! Scootaloo! You're the best-

In reality, she only slid her face across AND against the soil, burning herself out like no tomorrow. Crashing into Sugarcube Corner, her eyes were a complete mess. As she got up, ponies stared into her soul, Scootaloo could not move another hoof to run away.

'Wait, I can still fly away-

No shut the hay up, Scooter, don't even think about it.

Froze there, Scootaloo then turned her gaze onto Pumpkin Cake, who was laughing at Scootaloo for her awesome fails and whack looks. Blushing, unforgivable for being dissed at by a baby, Scootaloo gave her the blackmailing stare, sooooo intimidating!

And instead of giving in, we see Pumpkin Cake using her magic on Scootaloo, throwing her up in the air, then slamming her back down, and rapidly repeating the same joke that made Pumpkin laugh so hard that Cup Cake had to replace her diapers.

Wait.

SO IT WAS PUMPKIN CAKE MAKING SCOOTALOO FLY EARLIER... For a mere second...

"Alright Scootaloo, today's your day! Make yourself and Rainbow Dash admire your accomplishments!" Scootaloo said, heart filled with the infinite pride and infinite confidence. Head up higher than a Canterlot noble, hooves tapped louder than the buffest stallion, and her face... Well, about her face, she was bandaged and casted all over because of the strict policy of "child abuse". The Cakes had to pay the price done by their very own foals.

"Scoots, that's enough! You're too wounded to even try to jump!" Sweetie Belle protested behind her, as she walked out of the clubhouse, only to slip on another piece of paper that she forgot to clean, and crashed onto the ground.

"Says the one who can't even walk properly without falling, I'll bet that by the end of today, I can fly from where I'm standing to that tree all the way over there!" She pointed towards a tree that was barely twenty paces away. Sweetie Belle was about to burst out crying, but she held it in, making her face red of jokes.

"Alright, let's do this!" Scootaloo shouted and began speeding up. Her four hooves began to lose weight and were ready to detach from the ground. Her mane was pushed back that they were almost reshaped into (let's not talk about it). Her tail went straight up into the air, waving and dancing on its own free will. Scootaloo made this hungry smirk, ambitious for hunting a prey as she leapt. She is ready to perform her infinity.

She slid across the soil, tearing her bandages off, revealing her embarrassing scars made by a baby unicorn. Scootaloo muttered colloquial language under her hot breath. Nevertheless, she spoke words of confidence and determination,

"That's okay. It's only my first attempt after awhile anyways, I can always get better."

About "words of confidence and determination", she gave up on the tenth attempt.

"UGH! This is pure manure! I can never become a athlete flyer like Rainbow Dash!" The orange filly wailed, her eyes looked down at the ground, hooves at her side. Okay seriously squirt, who said you're going to be like a Wonderbolt in only ten freakin' tries?

Suddenly though, she saw a light. That light, unleashed her true vision, she saw what is going on inside her, and that it's only her heart and mind messing her up in the ruffed up dirt and dust. Her eyes were gleaming and beaming with impression. For all time, Scootaloo never realized it, that her paradigms of herself were only an afterimage of her failures, made up of pure illusions. As if a unicorn is assisting her... No. Pegasi can have magic inside them as well, as long as they believe...

It really is true...

No lie...

Scootaloo's jaw dropped... She knew what she will see, and without a doubt that she's filled with "infinite" amount of confidence...

....

....

....

....

Okay I lied, everything didn't turn out to be her way. But one thing became true, is that a unicorn DID make something happen:

Scootaloo's jaw dropped, at the fact that it was SWEETIE BELLE who was flying up high in the air.

"Wha-but-tha-HOW?!" The last word echoed across the sky, even higher than what most pegasi can reach with their well built wings. Well too bad, a voice is merely just a voice that is heard once and never again.

"Oooh! Look at me, Scootaloo! I can fly!" Sweetie Belle, with the magical aura emitted onto her own silver dusted body, was floating graciously into the skies.

Jealous that Sweetie Belle even can fly without having the tools to help her (excluding that horn, it's natural okay?!) out, but zealous to make her feel as if she can definitely fly. So our little pegasus ran away from the clubhouse, seeking for a more open area than the apple orchards of the Apples.

Of course, then there's our Sweetie Belle, who can't seem to control her magic properly, is forever stuck in that aura that made her float up up and away...

"Wait, what? No! HELP MMMMEEEEEEE!!!!!"

Goodbye, Sweet Bella.

At a nearby park in Ponyville, now there's more wind, it's much easier for Scootaloo to at least stay in the air for like about infinite three seconds long. "It's still something" is all that she cared about.

Hustling and rustling, huffing and puffing, hissing and humming, umm all the h-ing. Scootaloo was finally done with her five-minute warm up and was pouring out sweat of anxiety. Trust me, Scooter, there is nothing to be afraid of really.

Well, after a record of fifty tries and filled with dirt and scars, Scootaloo nearly lost faith with her leaps and ability to fly, but at the same time it also pushed her to wanting to try even harder. Her nerves are just getting heated up.

Scootaloo got up on a picnic table, and kept on telling herself that there is nothing to worry about. Finally, with eyes closed, she took another leap off the table, higher and further than her first "leap of faith". She beat her wings against the fast and sudden invisible current, a mighty challenge that can blow anyone out of the spotlight, Scootaloo feared otherwise: To go up. It's all that mattered for a pegasus, it's really in her blood as the red liquid flash flooded into her veins, pumping her heart to the infinite amount of jumps it can possibly give. Though no one actually gave a damn.

And of course then, she rolled onto the grass and bumped her head into a leg of another picnic table. Scootaloo then let out an in-pony cry, which shocked half the ponies passing by, making them run away. Some were already secretly giggling and booing at her failures. Scootaloo was pretty crammed in once she noticed the insolence other ponies have been giving towards her (well she did deserve it to a minimal extent). Just at the moment when she was about to break down into tears, a familiar yellow hoof encircled her neck. Scootaloo turned to her right, it was the youngest Apple of them all.

"Apple Bloom?"

"It's okay Scoots, don't give up because others want you to, you are your own life after all!"

"Y-yeah." Scootaloo drove her incoming tears back to where they belonged. "Thanks Apple Bloom."

"Why don' we just try again? Ah'm sure you got the hang of it already!" Apple Bloom smiled wide, but then turned back to the opposite direction and frowned a "not really" face.

"You're right," Scootaloo said as she looked back up into the sky, the determined smile returned on her face, "I can't just let time take over my honor to do something that I have regretted not to do years ago! I will finish this year before the new daylight approaches with a new self: TO FLY AT MY OWN WILL!"

"That's our Scoots!" Apple Bloom cheered, and the little pegasus marched forward like a soldier ready to fight her worst battle. She can sense the incoming blasts of the newly reloaded cannons of winds, Scootaloo was not even by a single hair afraid of the challenge.

"I'm not afraid of anypony! I have the infinite amount of chances to make it up for my kind! For Rainbow Dash! For the Wonderbolts! For the infinite glory! For the infinite pride-"

"Scoots, just shut the hay up and focus on your flying." Apple Bloom shook her head as Scootaloo fell flat and head-first too. It was a quite vertical drop, perfect 180 degrees, no horizontal fired projectiles so far broke Scootaloo's record of falling vertically even before she began to leap.

"Ugh okay, that didn't count. Let me try again..." Scootaloo sighed, nearly catching off balance as she tried to walk back to the picnic table. Finally getting there after three minutes or so, Scootaloo was so exhausted that she can't even lift her hooves off the ground. It's already afternoon, entering the worrisome dusk.

Scootaloo had been practicing bluntly for twelve hours straight. With a total of three thousand forty-something tries... Oh wait! That excludes the times when she practiced how to "leap", which was another hella of seven thousand ninty-something tries.

Putting her wings aside her body, and quite disappointed with herself, Scootaloo stared down at the ground as she slowly walked back to her home orphanage (pfft! What home?). Just then, he saw another outburst of light, blinking and flashing rapidly on her cutie mark...

Oh wait, I meant her cutie mark. You know: her, as in, Apple Bloom.

"OH COME ON!"

        Scootaloo's jaw really dropped onto the ground now, making cracks on it too. Her hooves as well dropped down on the ground, shattering the earth. She only focused onto the flying Apple Bloom, who was...

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Almost there...

....

....

Well it was obvious, wasn't it? She was flying! Didn't have to make me waste my breath just for those dumb phrases and elipses!

"AND SHE'S ONLY AN FREAKIN' EARTH PONY! THEY DON'T GA'DAMN USE MAGIC NOR CAN THEY FLY! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THEN?!"

A-a-anyways, Scootaloo raged in full anger, her eyes became lava red, and the lava's steam fumed out of all the pores in her body, most notably her nostrils. It has been either a miracle that either Scootaloo entered an infinite time of dreaming, or a pegasus is just "plane" useless now and forever infinite to time on. We turn our zoom onto Apple Bloom, who was having her loveliest time of her life. A grin was marked on her face towards Scootaloo, who wanted to explode into a gazillion pieces, but she realized that was pointless to the fact that she gave up on doing so, which then gave her a headache because she regretted on not being a loud mouth.

"Look at me! Scootaloo! I couldn't believe it! I'm actually flying!" Apple Bloom let her hooves to her sides, her body didn't seem to be doing the work for her to float in the air (*COUGH COUGH* nor was her heart). It was the work made by both the wind and her big pink purple bow. It is a truly magnificent scenery to take a view at-

"A BOW?! A BIG, FREAKIN', DAMN BOW KEPT HER FLYING?! I-I-I-I W-W-WILL... I... asdghdfgjtiojn!"

Somehow.

It is night now. The infinite number of stars winked amongst one another, "delighted" to see Scootaloo having failed miserably with her training. The moon stayed bright, as if it was the only one who was consistent with lightening the small filly's heart up. All the ponies head to bed and snuggled into their cozy blankets. Except for Scootaloo (and Apple Bloom, who crashed into a tree while flying, and found herself sleeping inside with warmth), who was still outside walking down the cold road home (pfft, what home? You mean orphanage?) with total hopelessness. It was a trail of gleaming liquid fertilizing the rich brown soil. Her small and helpless wings ached to the tip of her joints; her stale hooves were packed with warnings of splattering into pieces and bleeding dark blood; and then there was her back, throbbed with harsh pain, as if it was about to be caved in. Today was a hard first entrance to her training, although the furtherest distance she even "attempted" to fly was barely a hooflength long, which was all part of her leaping skills due to her haylife on her scooter.

She stopped, listening to only the freezing wind and some whispers- 'Whispers?' She heard, 'It can't be!'

So she ran, and ran, and ran, and flew (okay seriously Scootaloo, just stop) paced herself hard. She skidded to a halt, and popped out from a bush, watching the straits of glowing light, like a bacteria crawling inside a creature's body. The strait of light was shimmering and bursting sparkles, drawing the orange filly closer and closer to the multi-colored mystery. Her eyes began to twinkle and reflect a decent amount of light. She was aware that this is a lie, like all the times before with her best friends. The light embraced Scootaloo with warmth, even somewhat with charm. She felt different this time, it wasn't just any ordinary light, but a welcome towards a new world, and a new Scootaloo. She can hear voices of different ponies, loving her, helping her feel better, and giving her infinite hope.

Okay enough drama, those ponies were flying as well.

"WHAT?!" Scootaloo exclaimed and the whole world was flipped upside down, as she now fell "infinitely" across into the sky, and towards outer space.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

Was her voice booming as she woke up in the night, in her own little room. Scootaloo then quickly pulled up her blankets onto her body, shielding her from "monsters and evil". Relaxed five minutes later, Scootaloo then reflected on her dream, too embarrassed to even think about it.

'My friends? Fly? Pfft, what a joke!' She giggled, acting as if she's any better.

And it's all proven to be true as she stepped out of her house. Taking a deep breath, she released herself from the ground, into the air, gracing and hugging it but grazing back onto the ground within two seconds or so, face smudged with the dirt, sleeping.

Infinite hope? More like infinite jest.

By the way, isn't it the new year already?

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"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"