Friendship Is Annoying

by FamousHorse7011

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 3946

A crazy young girl and an arrogant scientist do things in which things happen to a point where it gets out of control and one of the mentioned characters is transported to a mysterious location in which said character meets a stranger.

NOTE:
This story is purely fictional (obviously) and only done for comedic/entertaining purposes. Any ideas, opinion, actions, etc within this story are not to be taken seriously nor is to offend. Keep in mind that they don't necessarily reflect the author's point of views.
–Thank You

Rated M for:
-Language (I only censor one word in particular)
-Use of alcohol
-Mentioning of a drug (Oh, no!)
-Violence? (Maybe..?)
-Adult Scenarios (as in grow-up stuff)
-Twilight being Twilight (well, in this story)

Twilight Sparkle, an alcoholic, uncaring know-it-all who only worries about herself, her own drinks, and Spike (as she is required to). But on one (not so) faithful day, Twilight suffers an unexpected accident in which she was believed to not have survived.
During the unfortunate event, she finds herself in an unfamiliar white and cloudy location, that show no sense of life…except for the bearded old white man sitting on a throne-like chair in front of her.
Twilight, now realizes that not everything must have some kind of evidence in order to be considered true…

"Author's" comment:
I have no idea. It just came to me, like all ideas I come up with. Keep in mind that I am more of a visual person rather than one of writing, so my stories are not expected to be of high caliber. Still, after many years and countless collections of ideas and creations, I decided to at least "publish" something while I am in college and in between animations I am working on.
I hope that you enjoyed my story, and if not, at least got something out of it whether it being subjectively small or incredibly big. Thank you.

This story is projected to be animated in the future

–FamousHorse7011

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-03 02:29:05 UTC

This is an intro. Things happen here.

     Began: 12/30/15 3:14 AM Central Time

     Finished at: 1/3/2016 5:46 PM Central Time

     Location I worked at: Las Vegas, Nevada (Pacific Standard Time)

Edits: 2

Everybody is an idiot...this is hell isn't it? On second thought...hell doesn't sound so bad.

--Twilight Sparkle, questioning her own existence

     It was a nice Summer morning...or something. Yeah, let's just skip the nonsense.

    Twilight was in her study room experimenting on the way particles react when shot at an approximated speed of 185,000 Miles Per Second  within a controlled field in order to collide them and record the upcoming result to see if such an event would occur...

I'll explain how it works on a different time...

...Maybe

     Whilst Twilight was too busy analyzing the data, she was unaware of a mysterious pink figure slowly crawling up behind her. This mysterious pink figure wore a french fuchsia hoodie sweater and pink boot-cut jeans, complete with canvas shoes that complement the color of the sweater. It was too...pink. Moving on...The mysterious pink figure grew even closer to its inattentive victim. Every step sounding louder than the last, yet making no sound (This is the part where the suspenseful music kicks in, I guess). The mysterious (I'm pretty sure you know who it is by this time) figure was now just inches behind Twilight (suspenseful music "supensesifies"), its cryptic smile being more...cryptic....

     And then...

     "HEY TWILIGHT!"

     The sudden energetic shrill voice of a possibly cocaine-induced twenty-something-year-old girl (obviously) scared the [insert your word of choice here] out of Twilight.

     "WHAT THE FU--DIANE!? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!? DON'T F***ING SCARE ME LIKE THAT!"

     "Umm...Twilight", Pinkie Pie asked in a worried tone, "you sound mad..."

     Twilight retorted, still being annoyed by the heart-stopping jump-scare she suffered a moment ago, "Oh, I wonder what gave you that idea..."

     "I didn't mean to scare you like that, I'm sorry Twilight", Pinkie said in a sorrowful tone. Pinkie Pie doesn't mean any harm to anyone, especially to her friends. Sure, she can get annoying at times, but nevertheless, always has good intentions and would never try to purposely cause heart attacks to unsuspecting people, even in times like Halloween (or Nightmare Night, whichever you celebrate).

     "It's fine, Diane, really...", Twilight knows that she meant no harm, especially to her friends. Sure she can be annoying at times, but--no wait, I already explained that...

     "How did you get into my lab?"

     With a sudden change in mood, Pinkie happily responded to Twilight's question, "Oh! I walked through the entrance!"

     "Yes, but, how did you open it? I am very sure I locked it," Twilight already had a good feeling on what the answer could be.

     "Well, it wasn't locked very good, if you ask me."

     After a small pause, Twilight posed a question she knew she would regret asking, "What did you do?"

    "Well..." Pinkie chose her words carefully as she answered, "There is...no point of having a locked door...if the door isn't connected to the hinges...hehe..." she finished with a nervous chuckle.

     Silence...pure utter silence...except for the sound of progressive science...(ooh, it rhymes! kind of...)

     Trying to break the thick ice, Pinkie Pie decides to change the subject, "So...what you got there...in your hands?"

     Looking like Pinkie's plan worked, Twilight pleasantly explained the object in her grasp, "Well, if must know, it is supposed to act like a remote controlled switch in which it allows me to hypothetically transport through a period within the indefinite, unlimited duration of time in which I can transfer to any period of the said time, but within the finite side or the part in which the traveler has existed in correspondence to the current timeline,"Twilight was never short of being completely scientific and boring, especially the latter. Being aware of Pinkie's unmistakable puzzled face, Twilight simply summarized, "It can send me back in time..."

(After one long interjection later....)

     "So, you can like go back to the past! Like when I was a kid! Or when I ate those twelve batches of cupcakes!?," Pinkie exclaimed excitedly.

     "Yes, that is what it means to go back--"

     "Ooh! Ooh! Can it send me back when I was still on my farm!"

     "yes, it can--"

     "How about two years from now?"

     "yes...Diane--"

     "]How about five years, two months, and 24 days from now?" (That references to something)

(Oh, here we go again...)

     "Diane..."

     "Ooh! Ooh! Can it send other things too?"

     "Diane..."

     "What if I send a note to myself on the past, about something I hid right now, would I know where it is?"

     "Diane...", Twilight restated, sounding even more irritated.

(Prepare for a "no punctuation" marathon)

     "But then that wouldn't make any sense, because I never received a note from a future self about something I hid today, and if my present self sent a note to my past self, then my present self would've known where my present self hid the something, but I don't, so the only possible explanation is that the note I've sent got lost in the mail, and someone else received it, and they are the one who know where the hidden something is, and they are right now looking for it, and they could come through that door at any moment, and they could be anyone, I mean, it could be you, it could be Rarity, it could be Gummy, or it could even be me from the past, but--"

     "PINKIE!"

     And at that moment, Pinkie realized she overdid it once again. Being Pinkie, she knows everything about her friends, and she knows that Twilight never called her by her first name, except when she was mad or drunk...or abnormally polite (normally followed by incomprehensible slurs). The former tends to be the usual. Trying to change the subject (again), Pinkie decides to steer the focus back onto the device, "Oh, sorry...So, how does it work, your controller..."

     Twilight shot questioning glare at the Caucasian drenched in pink apparels. Giving out a slight sigh, she continued as she pushed away her homemade particle accelerator, "The switch is the power button, while the dials are for the specific time and date...it is just a small piece of a much bigger set," she gave out another sigh, "It's still in its early stage." The young scientist continued lecturing the human sugar bomb (literally, may I add) on the device's gimmicks for another half hour or so...don't question me, I wasn't going to listen to science girl utter words of pure stodginess, much less know for how long she spoke, when I got better stuff to do. Like making this (ridiculous) story...

Moving on...

Once again...

     "...and it is expected to be fully functional within the next decade," Twilight finally finished her small presentation and gave out one final sigh of relief.

     "Wow Twilight," Pinkie Pie seemed to have never taken her focus off the entire time, she probably did not even blink once. "]I never thought time travel was going to be so easy to create."

     "Well, it is, surprisingly. I am actually glad that I could share this knowledge with someone else, even if it is just with...you."

     "Thanks, Twilight! I'm just glad that your glad!" the pink nuisance truly seemed to be unaware of the slight insult she was given. Then again, she is oblivious to many of the things within the real world.

     "Right..."

     "Ooh! Twilight! Can I help you with-"

     "NO!" The sudden quick response from Twilight startled and silenced Pinkie even quicker, "I mean...not-not right now. I will tell you when...I do need your assistance."

(I think she saved it)

     "Oh...OK," and just like that Twilight the Terrible (hehe) was able to save it and prevent a--"Do you swear?"

     ...

     OK, thank you for interrupting me...I hope you feel better for what you've do--

     "Do you swear, Twilight?"

     ...

WELL OK THEN, SCREW YOU TOO YOU LITTLE--

     "Yes, Diane, I swear."

ARE YOU F***ING SERIOUS!? IT'S LIKE NO ONE IS EVEN NOTICING I AM HE--

    "But do you swear to God?"

OK, THEN! I'M OUT! GO GET YOUR OWN DAMN NARRA--

     "What?"

    [At this time, the old narrator quit, so we hired a new one...narrators aren't hard to come by, you know? Also, the one who quit had anger issues....]

     "To God, Twilight. I mean, you always promise things, but you tend to just ignore them. I just want to make sure you are telling the truth this time."

      Mademoiselle Twilight didn't hesitate to respond to the interrogative sentences, "No."

     "]But why nooot?"

     "Well because...,"Mademoiselle Twilight was unsure on how to respond without sounding like such a bugger, "because...Why can't you just ask me one of your Pinkie Promises?"

     [Did...did we hire a British-French narrator...]

     "You know I don't just throw those out here and there anymore, not since that incident with A.J."Remembering the ghastly event, made the young mademoiselle Pinkamena Diane Pie shudder.

     "Diane."

      Forced to accept her fate, Mlle Pinkamena had no other alternative but to agree, "Ugh...fine.

     "Do you Pinkie Promise?"

     "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my...eye," Mlle Twilight cautiously placed her left hand onto her left eye as she has learnt from her past mistakes.

     "mmmm....huh..? Twilight?"

     "Yes, Diane?"

     "Is...your box thingy supposed to shake like that?"

     Unsure on what Mlle Pinkie was referring to, Mlle Twilight turned her attention to the location of where the young and lively lady's forefinger was pointing, politely,  "Oh shit! I thought I turned it off!"

     [No...You pushed it away from you...]

    Mlle Twilight did all she could to control the unstable particle accelerator, but due to the constant increase in velocity, as well as the irresponsible act of not monitoring the dangerous apparatus, it was to no avail, "I-It's OK, I-I can fix this...Everything is going to be alright!"

   [No it won't, Brit-France said that is was to no avail]

     "SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" The container was developing a control of its own, the particles within it were traveling to almost the Speed of Light and it was at that moment that the young scientist (I, in truth) knew it would be the denouement of this story (chapter, in reality).

     The last thing Mlle Twilight had a glimpse of, was an enormous white flash, and all was lost...

     [I blame the old narrator...Also, he smelled weird...like spoiled cat food or something]

                                                                                                                       *****

    [Brit-France went out for lunch, so I'll be narrating for now...I guess]

     [...]

     [This is hard...]

     "Where the hell am I?"

      [[I don't know...]

     "Hello? Diane..? Can you hear me..? Anyone..?"

      [I can hear you...But you can't hear me...]

      [...]

      [...]

      [well this is awk--]

     "WELCOME TWILIGHT! i HAVE BEEN EXPECTING YOU!"

      [Oh! I should probably shut up now...]

     "Me!?"

     "OF COURSE MY YOUNG CHILD! WHO ELSE?"

     "I-I don't know...Luna? Maybe? Am I dreaming, or--"

     "{Hearty laughter} OH-HOHOHOHOHO! YOU WERE ALWAYS THE FUNNY ONE, TWILIGHT!"

     "No...I'm pretty sure that's Diane..."

     "{An even heartier laughter} OH, PLEASE! STOP! YOU ARE KILLING ME TWILIGHT! AND I'M IMMORTAL! OH-HOHOHOHOHO!"

     [This is intense...]

     "OK..Look, can you just tell me where the hell I am and who the f**k you are supposed to be"

     [[Our narrator is back, guys!--wait...]

     "Alright, enough of that..." the once loud, booming voice shrunk down to a much calmer and less...loud tone of an adult man. This said "man" was sitting on some sort of throne-like chair on top of a pyramid of stairs. It wasn't actually like a throne, but more of a worn out love seat, only painted in gold to resemble an elegant look. The man himself, wasn't much of a complement to the seat, as he only seemed to wear a plain white toga and a pair of medieval sandals. He Only seemed to wear only that...(ew) The man sported a very long and seemingly cloud-white beard, as it was very difficult to distinguish his facial features as they blend almost naturally with the empty white room...if it was a room. In fact, the only thing that was actually noticeable was the "golden" love seat itself.

     [This narrator seems much more...professional...]

     "Well," the old man walked down the lengthy flights of stairs, slowly revealing more of his features as he shortened the distance between he and his guest, "now that I got that out of the way, let us talk like the adults we are," it was discovered that the old man looked a lot younger than what his beard otherwise told. He displayed no signs of aging as his smooth face only showed very rosy cheeks, a sharp nose, two greeting eyes, and concealed a smile so warm, you could've sworn you felt its heat.

     [...I like him...]

     "Of course," he added, "you do know who you are talking to, am I correct?"

     Twilight simply responded with a doubtful look, adding a touch with a raised left eyebrow, "Wait...," her doubtful look quickly changed to one of complete surprise as she realized by what he meant, "you're real!?"

END OF THIS CHAPTER...Yay...

(Chapter 2, Part A) Oh, look another chapter...yay...

Began: 1/30/16 1:50 PM Central Standard Time

     Finished at: 2/1/16 9:30 PM Central Standard Time

     Location I worked at: Houston, Texas

Edits: 4

"I am wasting my time on this, I could actually be doing something productive."

--FamousHorse7011, questioning this

     "From the look of your face, you seem to be in complete disbelief," the man wasn't wrong, Twilight just couldn't believe who was talking to her. Hell, not even you would believe it at first sight. I wouldn't believe it.

     An awkward silence slowly overwhelmed the already uneasy atmosphere. The tall man finally broke the silence, "You alright there, kid?"

     Silence once more.

     "Twilight?"

     Silence again.

     "Twilight..." He said a second time, this time snapping his fingers. Trying to catch her attention seemed to be of no avail, as Twilight still stood dumbfounded.

     Suddenly, Twilight snapped back to reality...or whatever "ality" she was in.

     "Okay," Twilight said, still in disbelief of the entire situation, "wha-why is this happening to me!?"

     Unsure on what she meant, He tried asking Twilight for a bit more detailed information, "What do you mean exactly?"

     "Please, don't try to act stupid," that startled Jim (I'm calling him Jim now) surprisingly. He was never disrespected before, especially at moments like this. Nevertheless, Jim simply let Twilight continue.

     "I don't know who you are, or why you accepted to do something like this," Jim only listened, "but I mean, seriously? Sure, I may have opinions many might not find accepting, but that doesn't mean one can just pull a prank like this and force someone to change what they believe through scares or...by playing 'dress up'."

     Jim didn't interrupt once, he just listened. He was a very patient man and only spoke when it was his turn. Twilight proceeded.

     "These kind of jokes are very low, even by Diane's standards. Speaking of which, where is that little prankster?"

     It was finally Jim's turn to speak and responded, "The pink one? She's not here."

     Twilight just gazed at him not believing a single word.

     "Right...She's not here..." Jim nodded in response, "Sure and I'll soon be a princess and my very own castle." [Sarcasm inbound]

     "Well actually-" That was all Jim could say before he was rudely interrupted.

     "Hold on--Diane! Come out already! The joke's over! You are not going to get me!" Twilight shouted at the white void, expecting an answer. None was given.

     "Twilight, she isn't-" Jim was once again interrupted.

     "Not now." Twilight hushed him, placing her left hand in between them both with only her index raised.

     Jim spoke under his breath, "Okay...then."

     Twilight continued her useless yelling into the emptiness, with no progress, "Diane! Enough is enough!"

     "I'm telling you she's not here..." Jim kept trying to convince Twilight, and it looks like it worked.

     "It seems to be so..."

     Jim's luck finally began to go to his favor, as he saw Twilight give into her defeat--only for Twilight to smile sly-fully.

     "I see now...so Diane is not responsible for this?"

     "Y-yes, that is what I was trying to tell you."

     "Then that means the latter is responsible"

     Jim was once again unsure what she meant. Fortunately for him, it was quickly explained.

     "Rainbow!"

     Oh for the love of--(Wait...)

     "Twilight! None of your friends are behind this--and no, it's not Discord!" Jim could actually tell that was her next choice, "This is not a prank or a lie. I really am who you think I am."

     "Someone who has nothing better to do, but to mess with other people, like the douche he is?"

     Should've seen that coming...

     Jim tried to keep his cool and kept on talking, "No, heh. I'm God."

     "Okay then." Twilight still wasn't convinced on the obvious scheme, "Prove it."

     God Jim (?) was very pleased to hear that. With a clap and rubbing of his hands, Jim then makes a wine glass appear in his hand with the snap of his fingers. Held in his right hand, the glass is then filled with water with another finger-snap of his left hand.

     Twilight simply watched with a small grin.

     Now this is where the magic happens! Placing his left hand just over the glass, he does a little maneuver, as if to show there are no invisible  strings or such around. And with a third and final snap of his fingers, the water is quickly turned into red wine. (Ah!) A classic tradition passed down generations.

     Jim then handed the now alcoholic drink to Twilight, smugness taking over his face.

     "What do you think about that?" It seems Jim has proven himself that he is indeed the true Holy Fa--

     Twilight chuckled. Jim's smugness quickly vanished and was replaced with bafflement.

     "That you can be good at entertaining children. You just simply did a basic item conversion spell. I do it every time. Child's play. Good effort, though." Twilight then drank some of the red wine from the glass...smug-fully.

     Why is everyone being so smug today? (Geez)

     "Fine then." Jim wasn't going to lose this, he was going to win, even if it is literally the last thing he ever does, "Then how about this?"

     Twilight watched in anticipation, glass still in hand.

     Jim waved his arms away from his side, mimicking a magician with a cape. He then tightened his imaginary gloves and began his second act.

     A white dove suddenly appeared from his hands after closing the distance between them and separating them once again. The dove calmly lies on Jim's hands. Jim then places a hand over the little guy's head. With a twist of his hand, Jim kills it...just brutally murders it with snap  on its neck...okay then.

     Twilight kept watching, enjoying the free show. Glass still in hand. Smug still in face.

     With synchronized hand movements, Jim then snaps his fingers once again, and the dove comes back to life. Jim sets the dove free afterwards, camouflaging with the room, and is lost at sight.

     Jim's smug face was returning from the grave, now sure that he had proven himse-

Twilight chuckled a second time. (Oh, come on!)

     "A classic resurrection trick. As long as the brain is intact, the injuries are not too severe, and the being hasn't been dead for too long, you can repair the fractures and force the lungs and heart to work. This spell is much harder to accomplish, I must admit. Like I said, you can go very far as child entertainer."

     Jim put his foot down (figuratively) and went up in arms (quite literally) as he prepared for his third and final trick.

     Twilight took another sip of the glass and watched.

   *** [After several minutes of intense "magicness"]***

     Jim finished his trick with a giant BANG! as his arms went over his head for the thirtieth (30th) time. The showstopper robbed most of Jim's remaining energy, as he was heavily panting and sweating.

     Twilight looked in deep astonishment, her face read like a book.

     "Oh me, finally!" Jim was thinking to himself, responding to Twilight's unmistakable expression. He was heavily drained and could barely stand up, but was worth it to finally prove once and for all that-

Twilight chuckled a third time.

     (ARE YOU F***ING SERIOUS!?)

     "I'm not going to lie," Twilight began, "I wasn't sure how you were able to pull some of those stunts off, but isn't there a saying that a magician never tells? I'm being serious about that job recommendation." Twilight then finished the last of her drink.

     Jim was finally broken, no matter what he did, what he tried to prove or with whatever trick he came up with, he just couldn't win, "So what? You now expect me to walk on water, o-or  cure an incurable illness? OR-"

     "Relax," Twilight interrupted poor old Jim once again, but this time for the better. She finally decided to be truly honest, "I believe you are God."

     "Wait, what!?" Jim was just too exhausted fully interpret what Twilight just said, still aching from the magic show.

     "I believe you're God. I have since your first trick."

     "B-but," Jim was even more confused than ever.

     Twilight eased Jim's aching head, "Let me explain, the part in which I said it was a basic spell is true, but the thing is, even for the simplest of spells, it takes an amount of concentration to accomplish it. You did it with no hesitation and without any focus. I bet you didn't think about actually spawning the glass. This concept also applies for the bird and the fireworks display you did. Hell, you seemed to not even be trying up until the very last parts."

     Sounds reasonable

     "Also, I can see the Heavenly Gates from here," Twilight pointed to the two golden gates with pearl white pillars that was easily visible from what seemed miles away. The gates blocked off a beautiful Utopia-like city with more pearl white and golden structures. A few winged beings can be seen floating above the city.

     Jim looked at his home-place for a few seconds and faced back to his opponent. He simply replied with heavy breathing and again looked away, but in defeat.

     "Confound these magic types, why couldn't it have been like the good old times? Where they only depended on what they could grasp with their hands rather than what they could do with it or with their minds. Everything was nice before magic...Should've not listened to my son." Jim was back to his thoughts, at least he was safe in his own mind...

     "Pardon?" Twilight's short question brought Jim back to his senses.

     "I said that aloud, didn't I?"