I honestly, without a shred of doubt, have no idea how this happened. I didn’t even think this could happen, but no. It happened alright. I wasn’t in Equestria anymore. This was… somewhere different. Somewhere insane. I couldn’t help but shake in fear. I had to get ahold of myself, but what was I supposed to do? This wasn’t just little test by Twilight. She wouldn’t do this to me… Would she?
No, she wouldn’t. She’s the princess of friendship. She’s supposed to be nice and helpful, unlike the time she took everything from me! No, don’t think like that. Stop it! That’s in the past. She’s our friend… she is our friend, right? Friends are nice to each other even when they’re different. Too different, if you ask me.
Stop it!
I needed to stay calm. I survived the frozen tundra and the monsters that dwelled there. I could survive some strange house that… had a nonsensical purple outside. Did I accidently stumble upon another realm in Twilight’s castle? No, it couldn’t be. This place was too chaotic. I could sense the harmony that the castle had. It wouldn’t allow something like this. So… Wait, didn’t Twilight mention about Discord living in another dimension?
Oh no. Oh no, please no. I don’t want to meet him. I don’t. Please, why? Why does life hate me so much? I know I did bad things, but… it’s not fair. It’s never fai. I hate this world. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. It’s not fair! Throw me a bone, life!
Just then, a something smacked into my head. “Ow!” I rubbed the sore spot and looked down to see a bone. I frowned. “I didn’t mean it literally.”
“This place takes things literally,” a disembodied voice spoke up. “Some of the time, or none of the time. It never makes sense why it does what it does, but it does it when it comes to mind.”
My eyes widened. “Who’s there?” My horn lit up. “I’m warning you.”
“Who’s there?” The voice laughed mockingly, which irked me all that much more. “A clever mare like you hasn’t worked it out yet? I’m shocked, but perhaps unicorns aren’t as quick as you want to believe you are, or I’m just too grandiose to truly comprehend. Could be both.”
I growled. “Show yourself so I can rip you to shreds.” No one insults my race like that.
A pair of eyes appeared before me, rolling as if they didn’t take me seriously. A part of myself wanted to scream, but I kept my composure. This being wanted me to be scared, or something. A mouth appeared as well, “Since you asked so nicely.”
Suddenly, the both of us were sitting in opposite chairs. It was just a mouth and eyes, it was Discord. The Discord. My heart pounded in fear as he sipped from a ‘Twilight’ styled cup, that made her look ridiculous. “There, happy?” He smiled.
“Not really,” I gulped in fear.
“Why are you scared?” Discord looked at me curiously. “I’m not a villain anymore and I doubt Fluttershy would like it if I messed with her newest friend. Now if you were just Twilight’s friend/student, then I wouldn’t have a problem.”
“Why?” I flinched, hoping I didn’t open a can of worms with that question.
Discord shrugged. “It’s especially fun to mess with Twilight, though it’s predictable in its own ways.” He held up the cup, which had a book attached to its side. He pulled it away and the cup started to squirm. He put it back and she stopped. “See what I mean?”
“If you aren’t going to mess with me-” I started, but I stopped when he held up a claw.
“I never said that,” Discord stated. “I mess with everyone, except Fluttershy and to an extent Applejack.” He grumbled. “She’s too good with that rope of hers.”
“Her rope?” I quirked an eyebrow at that.
Discord shook his head. “That doesn’t matter right now. What matters is you.”
“Me?” What did he want with me? Did he want to make me pay for messing with Fluttershy? I shook in my seat. He was her friend, the spirit of chaos. I… Oh please now. Please, please no.
Discord frowned. “Don’t start crying. I hate it when ponies cry. Screams of terror are welcome, but tears are not.” His left hand disappeared, appearing near my face to wipe away my tears with a handkerchief.
I tried to collect myself. “But… but aren’t you going to do something to me?”
“Yes, talk.” He answered, collecting his hand back and popping it back into place. He took the handkerchief and gagged before throwing it outside, to which it exploded.
“Just talk?”
Discord nodded. “Yes, I can just talk when I like to.” He seemed kind of annoyed with my question, so I shut my mouth. He folded his hands together. “You see, Starlight Glimmer. You intrigue me and not many ponies do that.”
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I hesitantly ask.
Discord grinned. “Why, it is most excellent!” He jumped to his feet. “Let me tell you something, Starlight. Being immortal can sometimes be boring. There are only so many things you can see in your life and now, I’ve seen something extraordinarily new and it wasn’t orderly, nor chaotic. It was a mix, a perversion.” He sounded absolutely giddy about all this. “It was just so glorious, watching it all unfold.”
“H-how do you know what happened?”
“I scrolled through Twilight’s memories,” Discord off-handidly remarked as if it was nothing. “I sometimes like to do it with the mares and organize them into little episodes.” He grinned. “Give it a century and it’ll be a hit tv-show, though I’ll forgo the superhero. Who likes superheroes anyways?” He held out a comic, which had Mane-iacs picture on it. It was kind of… lewd. “I mean, look at that? Who wouldn’t want to follow that?”
“Children?” I deadpanned.
“Children can handle it,” Discord scoffed, pulling out the collar of his fur like a suit and putting the comic inside. He zipped it back up. “Villains are always more interesting.”
“But aren’t we good guys now?” It was weird to say ‘now’. I always thought I was a good guy. I thought I was helping everyone and… it was for nothing. Everything was for nothing.
Discord sighed and nodded. “The glory days are behind me. I’ll miss messing with the elements and everyone else, but time marches on.” He saluted a little mini Discord that wore a devil outfit, before it fell down into a hole in the floor, screaming. The hole sealed up after it. “Now I’m more of a friendly menace, but this isn’t about me. This is about you.”
“And?” I hesitantly tried not to teleport away. He’d just grab me with his magic or something.
He appeared right before me, took my hoof in his claws, and shook it with a smile on his face. “Bravo, I say. Bravo.” He stopped and petted my head as if I was a little kid. “You did an excellent job.”
“Wh-what?!!” I yelled in shock. He was congratulating me. “But… but…”
Discord’s eyes widened. “And you want to me to pay attention to your butt? Best. Villain. Ever.”
I blushed. “NO, that’s not it!”
He groaned in disappointment. “So close.”
“Why don’t you hate me?” I yelled, glaring at him. “I messed with your friend and nearly destroyed Equestria.”
“And you did it because you wanted to help,” Discord grinned. “I did it because it was fun, which makes me the more threatening villain.” He fist pumped. “Discord remains on top, baby!”
“Why are you so proud of hurting others for fun?” I growled, powering up my horn. I wanted to blast him, damn the consequences. “That’s not right.”
“And what you did was?” Discord snatched my horn off my head. “Nice horn, by the way. Quite powerful. I can see why Twilight had a hard time fighting you, though I don’t think she has the heart of a warrior. Perhaps if she did, it would have been a short fight. Rather boring, that would have been.”
“Give me back my horn,” I stomped my hoof in anger.
“You think you can command me?” He chuckled in mirth, placing my horn back. “You aren’t a threat, neither is Twilight on her own, unless she tries one of those mind spells of hers and even those are questionable. For a hero, she’s very willing to mess with another’s mind. If only she was a chaos mage.” He sighed.
“I doubt she’d try something like that,” I snorted.
“You ponies are always willing to go to extremes to get what you want,” Discord shot back. “Speaking of Twilight, I’m surprised she took you on as a student.” He tapped his chin. “Well, only slightly.”
“Only slightly?”
“Fluttershy took me as her friend,” he smiled. “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. You ponies are as clever as you are naive. Like you and your time travel. Why Starswirl even tried to mess with time is beyond me. I always found him inane and sometimes not in the fun way.”
I frowned and shut my mouth. He was smiling, but I could tell he was slightly annoyed with me. It was his eyes. I needed to control myself.
“That’s why I loved how you worked his spell over,” he chuckled. A small figure of Starswirl appeared on one of his finger, to which he crushed it. “It was most satisfying to see one of his greatest creations cause such chaos and you even used that blasted harmonious tree to do it to. I bet he rolled in his grave.” He laughed.
I frowned, my ears lowering in shame. I always respected Starswirl. Everyone did. I… should have known that it would go against his wishes. I should have known, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care.
Discord quirked an eyebrow, pulling a blinking board that somehow had my thoughts on it from over my head. He looked it over. “It’s simple, really. You’re like me and that’s why I like you.” He snorted. “But that spell of yours was a cheap copy of mine. Next time you go evil, try something more unique. There can only be one graying, mind manipulator thank you very much.”
“I’m nothing like you,” I snapped.
“You’re right,” Discord grinned, booping your nose. “You’re a cute little mare who has, what, about a century to live? Your rule wouldn’t last that long if you won.” He held up a finger which had numbers on it. “I gave it twenty to two hundred years before it collapsed. Mine could go on for eternity if I wanted it to, but neither of us got what we wanted.” He huffed, throwing the numbers off his finger. They turned into brooms and started pushing dust everywhere. I cast a spell over my head to make sure I didn’t break into coughing fits.
“Such a chaotic little mare,” he grinned. “It’s so ironic. You wanted so much order, but you caused so much chaos to get it. It’s so delightful that I can’t help but applaud.” He started to clap as did his dozens of copies before he stopped and they vanished.
“I didn’t want to cause chaos,” I said, my voice was shaking. I didn’t want to be like him. I wasn’t a bad pony. No, I was. I shouldn’t deny that. Stop it.
“Yet you did,” Discord bopped her nose. “And it was glorious.” He gave me an A. “I just love irony.”
“Why did you bring me here?” I said. “To gloat? To rub it in my face, because this is what you’re doing.”
“A little bit,” he nodded. “I’m me. I can’t change that. I’ll mess with you all I want and I won’t feel bad about it, like what I do with everyone else. You think I should hate you? My Fluttershy needs to be tough. She needs to face enemies and overcome them. You didn’t break her, so why should I be mad? Why should I torment you? You’ll be dead in a century. All of you and then there’ll be another villain who hates cutie marks or some other such thing.” He frowned, looking at a picture of Fluttershy. “And I’ll be here, doing my thing.” He grinned. “And that’s why I want these years to be memorable. That’s why I came to a stunning conclusion.”
I gulped. “What?”
“You messed with Twilight,” he grinned. “I’ve never seen her so upset with anyone but me. That’s an accomplishment. I want you to help me mess with her.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
“I want to teach you chaos magic.”
“What?”
“I want to adopt you.”
“.......What?”
Discord laughed and took me into his arms. “Don’t you see it? You’re the perfect little bundle I always wanted, besides Screwball but nothing can beat Screwball. Oooh, I can’t wait to tell Applejack.”
“You can’t just adopt me,” I squirmed in my hold. My horn couldn’t do anything right now, because he put some sort of night cap over it.
“I can and I will,” Discord pulled me up to look at him. “Just call me daddy.” He teleported us to the farm. “APPLEJACK!”
The country mare, who was busy bucking apples, jumped in fright. “What is it, Discord?”
“We’re parents!” Discord thrust me towards her.
“.....What?” Applejack seemed just as lost as I was.
“She’s like the villainous/reformed daughter I never had,” Discord dropped me. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”
“We’re not adopting-”
He cut her off by picking her up and smirking. “What better way to reform her than giving her a family? Face it. She doesn’t have one.”
“Thank you for the reminder,” I grumbled. Growing up in an orphanage wasn’t exactly something I wanted to remember.
“You’ve got the tact of a rock,” Applejack glared at him.
“I take offense to that,” Discord pouted. “Tom the boulder was the most tactful being I knew.”
I tried to get away, but as I turned around a tree, I bumped into a muscular red chest. “Big Mac?” My cheeks turned as red as my fur as I looked up at the hunk.
“Starlight?” He blinked in surprise.
“You two know each other?” Discord and Applejack asked.
Big Mac nodded. “She used to hang about on the farm. Ah didn’t say anythin’ cause ah didn’t think she was any trouble.”
“She was evil,” Applejack quickly shot me a look of concern. “No offense.”
“For what I did in that town,” I sighed. “I deserve a lot worse than that.”
“She didn’t seem evil to me,” Mac replied. “Seemed more like a mare who didn’t know what to do with herself. ‘Sides, we let Discord stay on the farm.” I could tell by his face and tone how much he ‘enjoyed’ that.
Discord looked between us and grinned. He put on a… Princess Cadance styled mane and wings? “I shall ship it!”
“Ya just adopted her!” Applejack pointed out with a glare. “If ya go through with that, she’ll be a part of this family.”
“Oh yeah,” Discord paused, before grinning. “Which makes this even better.”
I sighed in agitation. Not at the Big Mac and me thing. I could live with that, but… yeah. This was my life now. I wonder if this was what true friendship felt like. I just hoped that Twilight had enough painkillers.
Author's Note
Hello and welcome everyone. I just had this story idea and it wouldn't go away. Discord adopting Starlight is just a humorous idea that I want to play around with.
{Also, yes. I ship Starlight/Big Mac. I have no regrets. 
}
