Chapters “It’s just… so exhausting to love you.”
Vinyl Scratch raised her head from her pillow, looking at the mare who stood in front of her. Vinyl’s eyes immediately drifted to suitcases that rested next to the mare’s feet. Oh. So this is what they were doing? In a way, Vinyl was hopeful. She waited for the looming feeling of dread to wash over her, she waited for her stomach to flip flop out of fear. Guilt, even. But she felt nothing. Vinyl Scratch hadn’t felt anything in a long time. The blue maned unicorn heaved a sigh, slowly sitting herself up. She couldn’t remember when was the last time she sat up was. Roseluck kept track of all that- Roseluck kept her grounded.
And now Rose was leaving. She focused her attention back to the other mare’s face. Roseluck’s lips were moving, quite possibly talking. Vinyl hadn’t been paying attention- not because she didn’t want to. Just…
“It’s so depressing, being with you.”
Vinyl tuned back in. Her marefriend— well, ex-marefriend she supposed— had tears forming in those beautiful emerald eyes of hers. Her voice had begun to shake- break even. Vinyl felt as if time was slow. For some reason, the whole talk just hadn’t felt real. Vinyl wanted to feel sympathy, she wanted to feel the urge to run to her marefriend and embrace her, apologizing to her and pressing kisses to her face until the tears were gone. She desperately clawed at her mind, begging to feel something. Anything.
But there was nothing. Vinyl felt absolutely empty. It was as if she was just a doll- without a personality, without a heart, without a soul.
“I don’t think you care…” Roseluck paused, and Vinyl heard the smallest sound of hope in her voice. “Do you care?”Yes. Vinyl wanted to say. I love you with my entire being, my soul. You make me feel like everything’s still real. You make me want to be alive. Vinyl wondered what would happened if she said that. Would Roseluck scoff? Would she burst into the tears that threatened to fall? It wasn’t like Vinyl would ever find out. No words came out. Maybe the entire conversation was just a misfortunate dream. After all, what other explanation could there be? Her mouth was glued shut and the love of her life was about to walk out the front door.
“I thought so,” Roseluck sighed unhappily. Vinyl wanted to laugh. She hadn’t laughed in ages. It’d be bitter, miserable. Maybe even a bit rusty. Vinyl heavily disliked her laugh- she remembered it was jarring and loud. So she had stopped laughing. And then, there had been nothing to laugh at. Rose had once said, in the beginning of their relationship, that she loved Vinyl’s laugh. What a liar. The silence between them was too long. Too awkward. No longer natural and comforting. Maybe it had been like that for a while and Vinyl had just been deaf.
“Vinyl…. You’re….” The earth pony seemed to be searching for the right words. Vinyl could give her fifty off the top of her head. Pathetic. Idiotic. An asshole. A waste of space. Annoying. “So unhappy.” That wasn’t a new one. Vinyl had heard it from many other lovers before. Vinyl actually felt a bit sorry that Roseluck had just figured it out.
The sick part of her was pleased to feel anything towards the situation at all. It was with that small part of feeling bad that felt like something burst through her mind. What she felt now was an irritating batch of emotions, the kind she usually felt: guilt, anger, sorrow. None of them were towards Roseluck- the emotions were viciously attacking Vinyl. Still, she said nothing. She heard Rose sniffle. Pay attention, you idiot! A voice in her mind snapped at her.
“And… And I use to think….” Roseluck’s voice broke. “Am I the cause of it? Do I make you unhappy?”
No . Vinyl wanted to reassure. You’re perfect. You give me a reason to wake up in the morning. I don’t deserve you. You deserve so much better than me. She remained silent.
“But then…” Rose gave a small, tired laugh. “Then I realized… You’re just miserable.” Vinyl noticed how exhausted Rose looked. There were small bags under her eyes. Rose’s usually perfect mane hadn’t even been groomed. A small realization grew in Vinyl. That was her fault. Vinyl did this to her. “W-when I met you… You were so….. happy. And free! And… and… I loved that about you.” Rose tried to give her a smile, but it fell immediately.
“But Sweet Celestia… that was just a very placed mask. Wasn’t it?” She stomped her hoof on the ground and Vinyl flinched. “Wasn’t it?!” Tears flowed freely from the earth pony’s face now. “The real you was just… so sad. You made me so sad. You brought me down.” Rose shook her head, the tears flying from her face. “And I don’t want to hold your hoof anymore. I don’t want to have to rescue you or reassure you for every little thing.”
Vinyl stared down at the bed sheets. There was absolutely nothing remotely interesting about them, but it was better than looking Roseluck in the eye. She could never stand to see Rose cry. You brought this upon her. The same voice whispered again, You know… if you were just dead, this wouldn’t have been an issue.
“Don’t you want to defend yourself?” Rose asked, “Aren’t you even going to try and fight for me?”
“No.”
Rose’s ears tilted upwards at the sound of Vinyl’s voice. “No?”
Vinyl sighed, lifting her gaze up to see the shock in marefriend’s eyes. “I love you, Roseluck. But you can do so much better than me.” She gave a frown, surprised at how dry and uncaring she sounded. She didn’t want to sound like that. She wanted her voice to sound passionate, to sound like she truly had loved Rose with all her heart. That way, perhaps, Rose would understand that Vinyl loved her enough to let the earth pony go. There was another long silence. She wanted to fill the void, so she said the first words that came to her mind: “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment. But that’s all I’ll ever be.” She hung her head, almost wishing Rose would rush to her side and hug her tightly.
No! Rose would say. That’s not true. To me, you’re perfect. Vinyl craved that. But that didn’t happen.
Rose shook her head. “I wasted so much time,” She whispered under breath, heartbroken. The words had not been meant for Vinyl, but she heard them anyways. You’re such a waste of time. The voice in her mind scrambled what Rose told her. More fuel to the fire for later.
Vinyl watches as her ex-marefriend stormed out of the room, her bags in tow. Vinyl waited for what felt like hours, hoping that Roseluck would come back. Hoping that Roseluck would change her mind, and only once the front storm slams shut does her own tears fall.
Rose wasn’t coming back.
Rose, probably, was never going to come back.
For the better. The voice in her mind reassured her. You’re no good at relationships anyway. You just dragged her down. Vinyl laid back down, her back against the bed and eyes glued to the plain white ceiling. On their own accord, her eyes slid shut.
“Yeah,” She says out loud, defeated. “You’re right.”
Author's Note
I haven't written anything for months, so this might be a bit rusty. :( Feel free to point out editing mistakes.
ONE MONTH LATER
Vinyl stared over the bridge, watching the rushing water far down below. It had become her favorite place to be- besides her house. She loved the sound of the water flowing. It had a purpose, it had a destination. Vinyl had never followed the river to see where it went. Why would she? That would ruin the mystery, in her opinion. When she was a little foal and she passed the bridge, she’d imagine the river would flow to another country. Far, far away from the foal and small little town she lived in. Recently, Vinyl had begun to love the bridge for another reason. It was a constant reminder that whenever things got too rough, she could always opt out.
In a sick way, she loved having that safety net. It was almost… eerily comforting to her. Lately, she had been thinking about that reminder more and more. And it wasn’t like anypony would miss her. She scoffed at that thought, putting her front hoof on the railing of the bridge. Who would miss her? She had no friends, she shut out her family years ago, and last she heard… Roseluck ran off to some other small town to set up some flower shop. Vinyl gave a sigh.
Maybe… it was her time? She glanced up. There were no stars out tonight. The only thing lighting her was a single streetlight that rested on the bridge. It was almost like a spotlight.
Nopony would care. The same small voice that had taunted her most of her life spoke up. And really, do you blame them? Look at you. Your special talent is magic, but you’re too cowardly to even try to follow your shitty dream of being a DJ. You’re a cashier. And it sucks. Work sucks. You know what else sucks? Your body. It’s always been wrong, wrong, wrong. Maybe it’s time for you to jump!! After all, how are things ever going to be better?
Vinyl felt pathetic, agreeing with the thoughts. She had given up fighting them ages ago. You’re right. She thought back. As usual. I wouldn’t be a burden anymore. I wouldn’t be a failure. I wouldn’t be missed… I should die right now. Vinyl stared into the pitch black water, and it strangely beckoned her. She wondered how long it would take to drown. The water was going too fast for her to have second thoughts and try to swim away. Once she was in, that was it for her. Vinyl’s heart had begun to pound, and she was sickeningly excited about it.
She was feeling.
And it was a feeling more than that constant, irritating sadness.
Vinyl began to lift herself up over the railing. This was it. She took a deep breath, ready to plunge—
“Excuse me!”
Vinyl quickly shuffled away from the railing awkwardly as heard the voice. She felt herself burn from embarrassment. Who the hell had the nerve to be here at this hour?! She looked towards the direction of the voice, and from the darkness appeared a yellow pegasus. She had a soft pink mane, done in a very messy and loose bun. She seemed nervous as she stepped closer to Vinyl.
“Um…. Yes?” Vinyl called to the other mare, her heart still pounded with the adrenaline. Go away so I can jump. She inwardly begged the mare.
“I’m sort of lost.” The mare came closer to Vinyl. “Do you know how to get to the…uh… grocery store?”
“I… umm…” The mare shuffled her hooves. “It’s sort of dark. I was wondering if you could take me there?” The mare paused. “I’m not a big fan… of the dark.” Vinyl wondered how the mare had made it this far to the bridge.
She also wanted to yell at this mare: Go find your own way! Why the hell should she consider helping this stupid horse who had stopped her…
…Well… The voice in her mind was remaining silent. With Vinyl back on the reins… she wasn’t as sure she was quite ready to… die. To jump. The adrenaline she felt was now replaced with fear.
Vinyl’s ears tilted back. “Uh.” I’ll just help her out with this, and then when I come back I won’t be as freaked out. Vinyl reasoned with herself. “Sure.” The mare perked up and walked towards the unicorn’s side.
“I’m Fluttershy, by the way!” The name sounded familiar, but Vinyl couldn’t place it. “Who are you?”
Nobody.
“I’m Vinyl Scratch.” The unicorn gave a quick, polite smile. Fluttershy smiled back, wide. As soon as Fluttershy turned her head, Vinyl’s smile faded.
The two began their trip to the grocery store, which Vinyl was definitely sure was not open at this hour. The silence was a bit awkward, since the thought of Vinyl’s delayed death continued to loom over her head. Fluttershy wasn’t exactly making an attempt to start a conversation either. She seemed concerned about something and was also lost in thought.
It was a bit into the walk when Fluttershy finally spoke up. “Why were you at the bridge so late at night?” Her voice was polite and soothing, almost as if she was talking to a frightened deer. Part of Vinyl craved the kindness she heard in the voice, and the other part of Vinyl wanted to punch her for making Vinyl feel like a frightened deer. Vinyl noticed that Fluttershy’s pace matched that of Vinyl’s. Vinyl was sure, however, that her own pace was much slower than normal.
“I like being out there.” Vinyl chose her words carefully, as she tried to think of proper excuse besides I wanted to die . “I like seeing how the stars reflect on the water.”
Fluttershy lifted her head up to the sky, a small frown graced her lips. “But… there are no stars out tonight.” Vinyl wanted to slap herself. What a stupid fucking lie.
“That’s a shame,” Fluttershy sighed. “I would have really liked to see that. “ She smiled again. “You know what I really love though?”
Vinyl felt it was rude to leave her hanging, even though she sort of didn’t want to answer. “What?”
“I love going there during the day. I love watching how the water sparkles in the sunlight.” Vinyl nodded, but she couldn’t for the life of her remember how it looked like during the day. “That’s almost like seeing stars, right?”
“Uh… I guess so.” Vinyl complied, not sure what else to say. I’m so great at conversation! She thought sarcastically. She pushed the thought out of her mind.
“Maybe… tomorrow… We could go look at it!” Fluttershy said cheerily. Maybe if Vinyl was healthier, she would have noticed how forceful it sounded. But to Vinyl, it seemed just as happy as any other happy tone. “You’d love it, I’m sure. And there’s a lot of cute animals who live near the bridge and—”
“Tomorrow?” Vinyl cut her off, surprised. I’m not going to be alive tomorrow. She reminded herself. Parts of her hoped, though, if she accepted this invitation… Then she could die and Fluttershy would wait for her and then maybe even find her body. Then that’d way… She’d be missed. She’d matter…. Shut up, shut up. She angrily broke that train of thought.
That’s right. You don’t matter at all. What’s the point of trying to gain a friendship right now, when you’re gonna die? Her mind’s voice casually said, breaking its silence.
“Oh sorry,” Fluttershy seemed embarrassed after the silence that followed while Vinyl’s mental war raged on. “I should have asked.” She looked at Vinyl. “You don’t have anything going on tomorrow, do you?”
Vinyl wanted to reply: No, because I’ll be dead. But instead what just came out was a blunt: “No.”
“Then it’s a date!” Fluttershy stated, as if it was just a matter-of-fact. The pegasus stopped walking.
A date?! Vinyl wanted to protest, pausing in her own movements. What? I don’t want a date. I don’t even know you. You’re pretty but… I don’t like you like that! I just met you. How could I… And also, what if I’m dead? She’ll be waiting for me and I’ll never show up. My body would be far away, wherever the river leads me. I can’t go out on a date!
Way to disappoint yet another pony. Her thoughts quietly spoke up. The only pony who remotely shows interest in you and you’re gonna go and abandon her. How pathetic. Vinyl wanted to die right there and then.
Fluttershy noticed Vinyl’s mixed expression and laughed. “I meant like… a friend date.”
Oh.
Vinyl gave a small laugh of relief, which she quickly cut off. Gross. My laugh is just as shitty as I remembered. “I knew that,” Vinyl lied, using a relaxed tone. She once again pushed away any negative thought that tried to enter.
Fluttershy gave a sigh and gestured in front of them. “The grocery store is closed.” She didn’t sound remotely confused, disappointed, or surprised. Vinyl looked at small little shop, with a large CLOSED sign on it. When had they even made it here? “Oh well,” Fluttershy always gave a small shrug. “There’s always tomorrow.”
“Yeah,” Vinyl nodded. “You’re right.”
Vinyl glanced back towards the direction of the bridge. If she left right now… she’d still have time to… But she didn’t feel like she wanted to anymore. At least, not tonight. There was always tomorrow, right? “Sure. Why not?” She agreed, and began to walk Fluttershy home.
As they walked, the bridge was beginning to get further and further away.
But Vinyl wasn’t thinking about that. She was too fixated on the conversation she and Fluttershy were having as they planned their little friend date. There were no awkward silences in between them this time.
Author's Note
Thank you for all the nice comments! I was a bit worried about working on this story, but your words gave me the reassurance I needed to keep working.
I can’t do this.
It’s the first thought that crosses Vinyl’s mind as she stared down her reflection in the mirror. Roseluck had gotten rid of all the mirrors in the house months ago, after Vinyl began to stop eating after she felt her appearance wasn’t good enough. Still, Vinyl had managed to find one that Roseluck must have missed- a small hoof-mirror discarded in the far corner of their own shared closet.
Was this always what Vinyl looked like?
The mare had dark bags under her magenta eyes and was a bit thinner than most mares… She remembered her bright blue mane as one of her best features, but as she looked at it now it grossed her out. Her mane was way too long— down to her shoulders. It was not groomed (as usual). The worst part, in her opinion, was that her mane colors looked duller.
When she was younger, she could always just fake her emotions. She could pretend to be ecstatic and happy and funny and everypony would fall for it. She had a well-placed mask that allowed her to pretend to be a better pony. It was probably the closest she could get to… feeling normal. She guessed at some point the mask broke, because she didn’t remember her appearance reflecting how she felt inwardly at all.
She shook her head, breaking her thoughts. What she needed to focus on right now… was that she had to meet up with Fluttershy. The idea had excited her so much yesterday. She had walked home after leaving Fluttershy at her cottage with her mind swimming with possibilities and she had actually felt pretty positive. That was gone.
All that filled her mind was doubts and past memories. She wanted none of those, yet they followed her anyway. She was making up stupid metaphors about masks and mirrors when she should be getting ready. She gave another sigh, even though she knew no one would hear her. Maybe she could cancel. What would her excuse be? Vinyl covered the mirror with her hoof in thought. Maybe ‘I’m sick’ would work? It was sort of true. She was sick, in a way.
No, no. She told herself inwardly. If I’m going to cancel, I should at least make a good excuse.
She cleared her throat, uncovering the mirror. “Hey Fluttershy!” She said a little too cheerfully, giving her best attempt at a smile. “I actually don’t want to go through with this because I look like a total mess and have absolutely no idea how to function like a normal pony, I’ll totally be awkward and wishing I was home the entire time, and make you hate me!” Her smile faded instantly.
Fuck.
She wished she hadn’t said that. Had she not acknowledged the feelings maybe she could have smothered them down and ignored them, but she now had basically flung the door wide open. She felt almost like she was being drowned in a flood of negative thoughts and without a chance for her to recover, tears began to fall onto the mirror below. I’m such a mess. Vinyl threw the mirror on the ground angrily. It clattered in protest, maybe it even broke. That’d be just fantastic. Part of herself was yelling that she needed to stop being such a defeatist. Vinyl wanted to listen to that part of herself, she really did.
She slumped against the wall, sniffling and rubbing her eyes with her hooves. “Who am I kidding?” She cried in despair, “What the hell is the point?” Stop crying, stop crying. She scolded herself, but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t feel like she could stop. It was beyond her control- beyond her grasp. It made her even more frustrated. Why couldn’t she control her emotions?! Why?! Why was it so hard?
This was supposed to be something fun . “You’d love it!” She could still hear Fluttershy’s voice ringing in her ears, even though it sounded far away. She wished Roseluck was here. Roseluck would tell her to stop crying, she’d be so gentle and nice about it. She’d tell her that everything would be okay. That Vinyl was brave enough to conquer anything. She wanted to relax at the thought of it, but it made her feel pathetic.
Did Vinyl… really need that reassurance? Roseluck was right. The earth pony had held Vinyl’s hoof throughout a lot of things. Was Vinyl that childish? That needy? The thought made her sick to her stomach. I should have jumped. She angrily thought, hitting herself with one of the hoofs holding her face.
“Stop crying, you fuck up!” She snapped, rising. She stomped towards the mirror and picked it up. Like she had suspected, there was a large crack in it. Her cheeks were tearstained, her nose looked like a reindeer’s, her eyes were red and puffy. Now she looked twenty times worse than she originally did. Fantastic. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes to try and calm herself down.
Even though every part of her wanted to stay home, she decided to go meet up with Fluttershy. As punishment for being such a cryfilly. Maybe with her appearance, Fluttershy would instantly be horrified and put off and they would never hang out again and that’s exactly what Vinyl deserved. She caught herself smiling at the thought, shaking her head at herself in disappointment. Why did that thought please her so much? Wasn’t Vinyl the one who constantly wanted attention and company?
She could never understand why she wanted to push everypony away.
One of her old marefriends, a pony by the name of Lyra Heartstrings, had been obsessed with personality tests and horoscopes. On every one of those stupid tests, it always had some result like: “You crave companionship!” and “You love being at parties!”. For some reason, she found herself thinking about those stupid tests more and more…
“It says that you scored a fifty on the popularity test!” Lyra had giggled, looking at the magazine.
“So?” Vinyl had replied, yawning. She never was fond of those tests.
“That means that you’re super-duper popular! It means you should be surrounded by friends at all times.”
They were never true, of course— one of them said Lyra was a huge movie goer, when she definitely wasn’t— still… all those tests couldn’t be wrong, could they? If it had maybe been one or two that told her that… But it had been all of them.
Vinyl remembered at some part in her life, she had been the life of the party. She had always loved being the center of attention. What happened? She wondered, tying up her mane with a stray black hair tie she found. It had probably been a number of things, but nothing she really wanted to think about now.
She could hear her clock chime from the living room. She nearly jumped at the sound of it, her heart began to pound again. It was time. Fluttershy would be waiting at the bridge in a few minutes, it was time to leave. Vinyl had wanted to maybe try and fix herself up, but she had wasted all her time. “Nice.” She muttered under breath, glancing at herself again. It would have to do. She just hoped Fluttershy didn’t comment on how bad she looked.
“Now or never,” Vinyl grumbled, setting the mirror down on her dresser before leaving.
Author's Note
A bit of a filler, I apologize. I've been totally sick these last couple of days and haven't moved from my bed.
“Hello Vinyl!” Fluttershy called, waving from the very middle of the bridge. Vinyl felt herself burn with embarrassment as she looked at the pegasus. She looked absolutely radiant. She had definitely taken time on her appearance- her pretty pink mane was done in a waterfall braid, and she looked much more well kept than Vinyl did. She wished Fluttershy hadn’t spotted her, because the first thing Vinyl wanted to do was turn around and run.
“Um, hey Fluttershy.” Vinyl greeted as she reluctantly approached the mare. She noticed there was a basket next to the mare. “You look really well today.”
Fluttershy seemed embarrassed. “Oh thanks, but I just did this last minute.” Vinyl briefly wondered if she could strangle the pegasus and get away with it. There was no way that was last minute. Fluttershy beamed at her. “You look very nice too!” Liar.
“Thanks, I did it last minute as well.” Vinyl joked, and Fluttershy laughed. It was a very nice laugh. Vinyl didn’t want to sound… lame, but it almost sounded like tinkling bells. It was something she wouldn’t mind hearing more of.
Fluttershy gestured to the water. “Ta-da! This is what I wanted to show you.” Vinyl looked over the bridge railing to see sparkling water. The river seemed much calmer than yesterday, and Vinyl had to admit that it was a sight to behold. The hues of the water matched that of the crystal blue sky, and Vinyl was surprised to see a few ducks wading. She didn’t ever remember seeing ducks in the water, but it kind of made her happy to see them enjoying it.
The whole scene was very serene. It actually was rather calming- just listening to the sound of the water and the sounds of horses trotting to and fro along the bridge. Vinyl couldn’t help but get lost in thought. It wasn’t anything negative, but just focus on each individual thing. Fluttershy had said that the view was incredible, but Vinyl wasn’t sure how she had missed this. She walked by this bridge every day. Why…? Why did it seem so much nicer today?
Maybe because the sun was out? She glanced at the pegasus, their eyes met for a brief second before Fluttershy turned her head towards the water. Had the pegasus even been noticing the view, herself?
What felt like hours was only a few minutes, before Fluttershy spoke up with kind amusement: “I didn’t know you’d be that enamored with the view.”
“Ah, yeah.” Vinyl blinked, feeling as if she was snapping out of a daze. “Me neither, to be honest.”
Fluttershy smiled at her in understanding. “Well then, shall we be off? I know the perfect place for our picnic.” She nudged the picnic basket with her hoof. “Could you please pick it up?” Vinyl complied, surrounding the basket with a magenta aura. A small spark flew out of her horn. Vinyl hadn’t practiced her magic in a long time and it was a bit painful for her to perform (even though it was a simpler spell), but she hoped that Fluttershy wouldn’t notice. The pegasus didn’t seem to.
“Uh, I didn’t exactly bring anything for the picnic.” Vinyl admitted, sheepishly. “I forgot about it.”
“That’s alright,” Fluttershy nodded as she began to walk. Vinyl noticed that the pegasus’s pace was much faster than yesterday. Vinyl wondered if she noticed how fast she was going. “I brought more than enough. My animals were insistence that I bring a lot.”
“Your animals?” Vinyl asked, following along after Fluttershy. Just as Vinyl suspected, Fluttershy slowed her walk so that their paces matched.
“Yes! They were all asleep when you took me home yesterday, but I actually live with a lot of animals.”
“…How many is a lot?” Vinyl asked. She wasn’t too fond of animals. They were messy and a lot of work to deal with. Vinyl just didn’t have the patience to be cleaning up after them- tartarus, she could barely clean up after herself.
“Hmm…” Fluttershy thought a moment. “Well, I have bunnies, birds, beavers, squirrels… And a bear.”
“A bear?” Vinyl wanted to make sure she heard right.
“Mhm. He’s a total sweetie pie once you get to know him.” Vinyl wondered if Fluttershy had a secret death wish.
“Why do you have so many animals?” Vinyl kept the conversation flowing, trying not to show that she was struggling to carry the basket. It was just a simple levitation spell, but damn if it wasn't straining her. She quietly grunts as the basket sways. If Fluttershy noticed, she wasn't saying anything.
“Oh, I’ve always been one to care for things,” Fluttershy’s voice was soft, almost embarrassed. “So in the end, I just decided to use that to care for animals. I'm the town’s wildlife caregiver- if there's a sick little critter, I make sure to bring it back to full health.”
“That's incredible!” Vinyl replied honestly, her eyes wide. She almost forgot to power her magic in her amazement. “Not a lot of ponies would be willing to do that, ya know? Like… I definitely couldn't. You shouldn't be so humble about it!”
Fluttershy didn't look at her, but Vinyl can see the blush on her face. I must have made it awkward , Vinyl mentally slapped herself. Why did she say that? What if the pegasus didn't like compliments or something? What if they made her uncomfortable? Sweet Celestia, she was so stu-- “Thank you,” Fluttershy spoke up, her cheeks still red. “No pony has never really told me that before.”
“Oh!” Vinyl blinked as her train of thought crashes. Despite thinking negatively before, she brightened. Thank Celestia she didn't mess up this time. “Hey, no problem! I'm not sure why ponies haven't told you that before!”
Fluttershy gave another laugh. “You’re so sweet, Vinyl!” She loves the way the pony says her name. Vinyl felt a strong feeling in the pit of her stomach. Anxiety? No, no. It was something she hadn't felt in a while, but couldn't put her hoof on it right now.
“Ok, ok. Now you're making me blush!” Vinyl blurted, and they both laugh together. She bit her tongue after doing so. Her laugh was just as jarring as ever, and definitely didn't hold up to the pegasus's perfect one. It was ruining the moment.
The rest of the walk is a joyous one- full with jokes and compliments and stories from Fluttershy’s animal mishaps. She could feel the stares of ponies looking at them the entire way to the park, and it made her nervous. Still, Fluttershy made sure to keep her attention off of that and onto to the conversation and the view.
It was incredible, almost like looking at the world in a whole new light. Fluttershy would point out birds and give Vinyl little tidbits about them. Fluttershy would ask for her opinions on the little houses they passed (“This one is so pretty! What do you think?”). Vinyl had never given any of them so much thought before, but she had to admit that the birds and houses were lovely.
Finally, they reached their destination. “Ta-da!” Fluttershy exclaimed, waving to the small little spot. “What do you think?”
Vinyl took in the bushes filled with small white flowers and large trees that towered above them. The grass beneath their hooves was soft, green, well taken care of. It was almost like a small piece of paradise. It was so far from the rest of the park, it felt like a secret place. Had this always been here? “It's…” Vinyl struggled to think of a word that could capture her emotions. “Nice.”
Fluttershy wasn't at all bothered by Vinyl’s simple choice of words. “I agree. It is quite nice.” She glanced up at Vinyl’s head. “You can put the basket down now.”
“Oh! Right!” Vinyl dropped the basket unceremoniously, her horn feels heavy on her head. She guessed she really pushed her magic today. Fluttershy had cheerfully grabbed the basket and began pulling out the blanket. “Sorry about that,” Vinyl sheepishly apologized.
The other pony just gave a smile. “The food is fine! No worries,” She paused before continuing, “You did really well, I don't know many ponies who can hold a spell for that long.” Vinyl felt a wave of pride at that.
“I haven't really used my magic in a while.” Vinyl admitted.
“Really?” Fluttershy seems surprised at that, her eyes widened like a doe’s. “Well, you definitely fooled me. I would have never guessed!” She gives a small sigh. “But I understand. I don't really fly, even though I'm a pegasus.”
“If I had wings, I'd fly all the time. I'd fly everywhere- I'd never stay in one place.” Vinyl laid down on the checkered sheet Fluttershy had finished putting down.
“Oh, well that'd be a shame. I'd miss you.” Fluttershy idly stated, not skipping a beat. Vinyl glanced at her, shocked. However Fluttershy continued as if she hadn't said anything major: “I wish I had magic. It would help me clean up so much faster.” Fluttershy pulled out a lettuce and tomato sandwich from the wooden basket.
Fluttershy would miss her? But they didn't even know each other that well. Did.. did that mean… Vinyl cleared her throat. “Hey… uh… Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy looked back at her, that gentle smile still on her lips. “Yes?”
“Are we…” Vinyl never felt so nervous, she almost let her words abruptly end, but Fluttershy was looking at her expectantly. “Are we friends?”
A moment passed. It felt like eternity.
Fluttershy gave a nod. “Oh yes! I quite like your company!”
Vinyl instantly felt relief, and the odd feeling in her stomach returned. Suddenly, memories flooded back to her. She remembered what it was. A very important feeling she had missed.
It was joy.
Pure happiness. Happiness without a single worry or care. How long had it been? She could barely remember. She wanted to cry from the overwhelming feeling. It felt amazing and she wanted to cling to the feeling because she wasn't sure how long it was going to last. Would it fade away? Would it vanish without an instant thought?
“Are you ok?” Fluttershy tilted her head quizzically.
“Yes!” Vinyl answered, a little too loudly and cheerily. It startled the other mare who seemed to shrink back from the noise. “Ah, sorry.”
“It's no problem!” Fluttershy shook her head, returning to normal. “I'm glad you're enjoying yourself! When I saw you on the bridge…” She quieted for a moment, looking thoughtful. “When I saw you…you looked like you needed somepony to talk to.”
Vinyl waited for her happiness bubble to pop with that. She waited for the defensive feeling to return, she waited for her to mouth off to the pegasus. For Vinyl to storm off and for them to never talk again. It never happened. “Yeah,” Vinyl smiled awkwardly, shyly at Fluttershy. “Maybe I did.”
Fluttershy smiled back, and they gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment. Vinyl thought the shade of teal was so pretty. “Um, why don't we eat?” Fluttershy broke the silence, turning her attention back to the basket. Vinyl’s stomach rumbled in agreement and the ponies shared a giggle. She hadn't even noticed how hungry she was.
The lunch was incredible! Maybe it was because Vinyl hadn't had a decent meal in ages, or because Fluttershy was just a really good cook. As they ate, they talked about how their week was going, and their plans to tomorrow:
“Oh! I have work tomorrow.”
“That’s wonderful! Where do you work?”
“Ahh, some crummy job as a cashier at Berry Berry.”
“Oh? That's the one owned by Berry Punch isn’t it?”
“That's right!”
“I love it there! I always buy food there…”
Vinyl also thanked Fluttershy for the meal a thousand times. Fluttershy constantly told it wasn't a problem. But Vinyl was even flattered Fluttershy took time to make sure something to munch on. By the time they finished their meals and their conversation, the sun was setting. Vinyl stared wistfully at the orange sky. Had they really been there for hours? Vinyl didn't want the day to end.
The two ponies put the plates and such back into the basket, tidying up the area. Vinyl wouldn't have mind just leaving it like that, but Fluttershy insisted. “Maybe we can do this again sometime?” Vinyl asked, her tone hopeful.
Fluttershy didn't hesitate to answer. “Oh yes! If it'll be as lovely as today was.”
“I bet it will be, especially if you have another story about the bear and bunny.”
Fluttershy gave her a sly look. “If you take the basket and walk me home, I'll tell you another one. Maybe you can even meet them.”
Vinyl grinned. “I'd like that.”
Author's Note
SURPRISE I'M NOT DEAD
Thank you all for being so patient!! (:
It was 7:30 am and Vinyl felt like she just clawed her way out of tartarus. She was exhausted and she couldn't even say from what. Socializing? Pathetic. Those thoughts that had been silent last night bounced back almost immediately, almost like she had just recevied a delayed punch to the gut. If you died you wouldn't have to wake up. Her mind intelligently supplied as she groaned, rolling over and putting a pillow over her ears as if that'd stop the thoughts. Her alarm, blasting loud (usually enjoyable) music, was not helping her cause. She slammed her hoof down on it.
Her eyes began to drift close, and her mind began relaxing again. She turned her thoughts on what her plans were for today, kind of regretting not dying. Work didn't sound fun at all. Work was never fun. Faking a smile for customers and trying to care about their day was hard. She could probably skip it. Vinyl heaved a sigh and fell back asleep…
"WELCOME TO THE HOTEL CALIFOALNIA. " Vinyl nearly jumped out of her own skin as she was woken up from her light slumber. Her alarm was once against playing music. Horseapples! She had put it on snooze, not off. Vinyl continued cursing herself and got up, rubbing her eyes with one good and turning it off more carefully this time with her other hoof.
It was 7:45am. Vinyl wanted to claw her eyes out from frustration, but all she had were stumps. And now she was fully awake. Vinyl gave a loud groan and went to the bathroom. Might as well go to work, she wasn't doing anything today anyways. She took a long shower- mainly because she wanted an excuse to be late to work. She then brushed her teeth and gave her hair a quick brush. "Should I eat?" She mumbled to herself, glancing at the clock. 8:29am. "Nah." She shrugged, turning to the closet and pulling out her uniform shirt and hat from the furthest depths of the closet.
Sweet Celestia, she hated it so much. She gave it a look of disgust. "I don't want to wear you," She grumbled, hoping the uniform heard her. The shirt was collared with purple and pinks horizontal stripes. Her name tag was bright gold. She threw it on, and placed the simple purple visor on her head. She was tempted to grab a mirror but she didn't think she was emotionally prepared to see what a mess she ~~was~~ looked .
"Today's gonna go great," She lied, adjusting her name tag before she grabbed her bag and began the walk to her job.
"Vinyl! Am I glad to see you!" She was immediately met with a pastel purple pegasus as Vinyl walked through the door.
"Hi Cloud Chaser," Vinyl greeted half-heartedly.
"It's been so boring in here, I'm glad for any company really." Cloud Chaser continued. Vinyl's ears flickered back. Was that an insult? It means that she was so bored and lonely you're her last resort. Her mind helpfully pointed out. Cloud Chaser noticed Vinyl's mixed reaction. "Oh, I didn't mean it like that! I meant like, ya know... I was kinda hoping Carrot Top would be here today but you're good too!"
"Thanks," Vinyl flatly replied and moved past the pegasus to the staff room.
"Well if you want to twist my words that's fine!" She heard Cloud Chaser call after her. Vinyl wanted to shrug it off, but couldn't help but wonder if she had really just made Cloud's words sound bad. She wouldn't be surprised with herself, really. She made a mental note to apologize to Cloud Chaser later.
She threw her bag in one of the few staff locker and clocked in via a machine in the corner of the small white room. "You are twenty minutes late." The machine chided loudly.
"I know," Vinyl grumbled at it, before walking back out. She nearly crashed into the pegasus. "Ah! Horseapples, Cloud. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
"You're late again?" Cloud Chaser didn't seem all that surprised. "How do you managed to stay employed?" She narrowed her eyes at the unicorn. "If I was even five minutes late, Ms. Punch would chew my flank off!" Vinyl rolled her eyes, pushing past her. The sky blue maned pony moved away and trotted after Vinyl. "Like, why do you get special treatment? You're not even really-"
"Not what, Cloud?" Vinyl sighed, already feeling her frustration grow.
Cloud Chaser looked embarassed. "Ahh, it's nothing. Nevermind." Vinyl stated at her for a moment but didn't press on further. I'm not even really liked. I guess that's what she was going to say. Her shoulders sagged a bit at the thought. Cloud Chaser, if she noticed, didn't comment. "Uh… since there's no pony here yet, you can just stock a little bit." Cloud Chaser gave her a tiny smile. "Ok?"
"Sure, Cloud. Whatever you need." With that, she trotted to the shelves and began to work. The moment Cloud turned her back and trotted back to the staff room, she allowed herself to snort angrily. Vinyl didn't need the reminder that this job was awful, but Cloud seemed like she was trying her best to be that reminder.
Berry Punch only never noticed that she was late, it wasn't special treatment. Why would anypony give her special treatment? She was absolutely nothing but the worst. She was garbage and the filth ponies picked from under their hooves. Her stomach felt like it was being squeezed and twisted. Just stock. Her mind, finally working for her, demanded. She was able to push the thoughts away and focus on the mind numbingly boring task of putting away canned goods.
She began to read the labels to herself in order to calm her down. Tomato In A Can. Contains One Tomato. Good For A Salad. Fascinating. The bell behind the front doors chimed as it was touched by the opening door. She glanced over and saw a pony she didn't recognize.
The pony was rather nice, actually. Vinyl couldn't help but look her over. She was a purple unicorn, with a dark purple mane that fell into bangs in front of her forehead. She had pink and light purple streaks in her mane, and wore a simple red tie. Ponies didn't usually wear very many clothes, so this was interesting.
The other unicorn spotted Vinyl looking and Vinyl gulped, quickly looking away. Cans, cans, put away the cans-- "Excuse me." Vinyl's ears prickled upwards and she turned to look at the unicorn that caught her staring.
"Hello I--" Vinyl started to form her excuse.
"I was looking for…" The unicorn interrupted Vinyl, before looking sheepish. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. You can go ahead."
"Ahh, no!" Vinyl flailed her hooves for a brief second. "It wasn't important!" She calmed down, and continued: "Err, what were you saying?"
The other unicorn gave a small laugh, not unkindly. "Sorry, me and my friend were looking for-" She turned to look for her friend and looked befuzzled. "Uh.. She was right with me?" She craned her neck to look towards the enterance. "Fluttershy?" She called. Vinyl's heart started to race at the mention of her friend 's name.
Fluttershy had mentioned that she shopped here but she didn't expect the pegasus to come in. And with another mare?? Of course she has lots of friends, Vinyl scolded herself. After what seemed like years, the yellow pegasus made her graceful appearance.
"Oh, sorry Twilight." Fluttershy apologized softly as she walked up towards the two. "There was this poor little baby bird who needed my help. She had fallen out of her nest.."
"It's ok, Fluttershy." Twilight nodded, cutting her off. Perhaps she was tired of hearing about Fluttershy's kindness, though Vinyl wasn't sure how that was possible.
"Vinyl!" Fluttershy perked up as if she had just seen the white unicorn for the first time. "Oh, I see you've met Twilight Sparkle. She's my best friend!"
Vinyl felt a stab of jealousy but waved it off. I've only known Fluttershy for two days, I need to chill out. "Hi Twilight, I'm Vinyl Scratch." She extended her hoof to the other unicorn.
Twilight flashed a smile and shook her hoof. "It's nice to meet you! Any friend of Fluttershy's is a friend of mine." Twilight looked back at the pegasus. "Speaking of which, Fluttershy, what were you here for again? Lettuce?"
"Yes, and carrots." Fluttershy nodded, then turning her attention back to Vinyl, added: "It's for Angel. I'm making his favorite treat- a veggie sundae!" Vinyl wanted to gag, but maybe rabbits just had bad taste buds.
"Right! I was just about to ask Vinyl here where they were." Twilight said, not taking her eyes off of Fluttershy. Fluttershy blinked and met the unicorn's gaze.
"Oh! Well, that's easy. I'll just take you, silly." Fluttershy nodded at Vinyl. "I'll see you later?"
"Of couse!" Vinyl chimed, watching as ponies began to walk to their desired aisle. "And it was great to meet you Twilight!"
"Likewise!" Twilight called back, before they disappeared around the corner.
"Wow." Vinyl jumped as she heard Cloud Chaser's voice behind her, and whirled around to see the pegasus leaning over a few stacked boxes. "They make a cute couple, don't they?"
"They're dating?" Vinyl gasped, glancing back at the spot she saw them last.
"Duh," Cloud chuckled. "You definitely saw the way the unicorn was looking at the pegasus right? And they were standing pretty close. You're so blind!"
Vinyl stuck out her tongue out at Cloud. "Am not." She wondered why Twilight had been so secretive about it. Same sex couples hadn't been a big deal since the old days. Did Vinyl look old-fashioned?
"Ok, ok, calm down little filly. I'm just kidding." Cloud tapped the boxes. "Anyways, finish cleaning this mess up and I'll ring 'em up. No worries."
"Sure," Vinyl reluctantly agreed. Cloud moved away and towards the empty cash register in the front of the store. Vinyl opened up the next box and was dismayed to see even more cans.
She stacked for what seemed to be hours, but was probably only one. She finally snapped out of her mundane task when she heard her name.
"Bye Vinyl!" Fluttershy waved at her from the doors. "I'll see you later!"
"Bye!" Vinyl waved back. Twilight was easily carrying six bags full of groceries with her magic, and still managed to wave the unicorn goodbye. So she must be the powerful unicorn Fluttershy was talking about. Vinyl thought.
If only she was that talented. Instead, she was weak and useless. What would happen if she ever needed to use her magic in a dangerous situation?
Vinyl couldn't shake the thought away, but pressed on with her work. As she put the cans away, she thought of worse and worse situations that could happen to her. She paused in her work to stare at the clock on the far left side of the store.
Only five more hours to go , she miserably thought.
Vinyl could summarize her experience hanging out with Twilight and Fluttershy as… awkward. Vinyl was never one to be a third wheel. So… this was just a mess, if she had to be honest. The three of them were currently sitting around Fluttershy's garden, maybe two weeks after the whole supermarket thing, drinking tea while the pegasus and other unicorn discussed some creature that they had seen walking around the Everfree Forest.
Fluttershy had attempted to get Vinyl to join the conversation a few times, but after a few "That's cool" and "Yeahs" she gave up. Honestly, Vinyl didn't blame her- the white unicorn was awful at a lot of things. And conversations were one of them. Another one of them, actually, was being a third wheel.
The worst part of this is, they didn't act like a couple. Vinyl had always made some sort of effort to be affection with her partners, even if she was feeling like complete shit and didn't want to be touched. Which was sixty percent of the time. But these two? They were super conservative, or something. They sat close, but not too close.
Fluttershy smiled at Twilight, but it wasn't like a knowing smile. A smile that screamed she was in love. Honestly, their whole lack of PDA made Vinyl extremely uncomfortable. Did they think she would judge them? Maybe they were just amused with keeping Vinyl out of their little group. She bit her lip, watching them as they talked. How could she get them more comfortable??
"So! I went to Sugarcube Corner the other day-" Twilight began.
Vinyl perked up, quickly interrupting and slamming her hooves on the table. "Ah! I use to go there all the time with my ex-marefriend!"
The two ponies looked at her, surprised she had spoken up. Then they looked at each other. Vinyl could feel her face grow hot. Fluttershy gave a quick smile, and Vinyl saw that it was almost triumphant. Perfect! All she needed them to say was "Haha, it's a great couple spot!" or something.
"Ah! That's so nice, Vinyl! I'm sorry to hear about your marefriend though. Is everything ok now?" She asked, with a tilt of her head.
Vinyl felt annoyance in her throat and she almost voiced her complaints. That's not what she wanted her to say! She leaned back, suddenly aware of them looking at her. Uh… Shit. The last time she had gone was with Rose, hadn't it? Her thoughts suddenly drift back to the last argument they had. She hadn't seen Rose since then, hadn't even tried to contact her.
"Uh… it was sort of recent. So, not really." Vinyl could almost sense the disappointment coming off of the yellow pegasus. She cleared her throat and nervously pressed her luck: "Uhh, but what about you two?" Their eyes widened in surprise and Vinyl wanted to plung the cake cutter resting on the strawberry shortcake into her heart. Oh buck. Why did she have to try and get them to admit it?!
Now they probably hated her and-- "What about us?" Fluttershy asked, confusion written all over her face. Vinyl noticed Twilight's eyes narrow, but she couldn't tell if the unicorn was angry or not.
"How… uh… how long have you been dating?" Vinyl eventually croaked out, using her magic to quickly grab a glass of water and gulp it down. The silence was so awkward. It was probably only a second or two long, but Vinyl felt like it stretched into eternity. Twilight turned her attention to Fluttershy, as if waiting for her answer. Horsefeathers! She can never face these two again. She was silently cursing Cloud Chaser for giving her the idea that they were a couple.
"Oh!" Fluttershy cheerily replied, seeming unfazed by the silence. "We're just friends!"
Vinyl's heart shattered to a million pieces. Her stomach dropped. How. Embarrassing. 'Well, this friendship was nice while it lasted. ' Her brain supplied.
Twilight gave a nod, turning her attention to Vinyl. Her smile wasn't as wide as Fluttershy's. It almost seemed forced. "Just friends."
"Ah!" Vinyl quickly replied, "I'm so sorry for assuming! I just, uh… just thought that maybe… because you two hang out together.. And the market!" Vinyl couldn't stop her words from flying out of her mouth. Fluttershy looked amused.
"It's ok! Everypony sorta thinks that at first, but some reason. But Twi and I are just friends! Though, I am hoping to find that special somepony soon!" Fluttershy gave a soft laugh, giving a small tug to a loose strand in her mane. Twilight's look felt like daggers in Vinyl's chest. Or was that Vinyl's imagination?
The moment that Fluttershy turned to look at Twilight, the purple unicorn had her normal look on her face. "Same here!" Twilight giggled, smiling brightly at Fluttershy.
Ohhhhhhhh.
It was pretty obvious that Twilight liked Fluttershy, and Fluttershy was as blind as a mole. For the first time in a while, Vinyl felt giddy. She just had. the best idea. It would get her to be better friends with Twilight too. She should try to secretly… pair them up! Vinyl wanted to pat herself on the back. It was a boost of confidence she hadn't had in a long time.
She couldn't believe it though! How could anypony be so blind? The signs were all there! She ends up giving her own nod of approval. "Well, my thing with Rose ended already. I'm not sure if I'm ready for another pony (she wasn't), but you never know!"
"Good for you, Vinyl! Don't let some old relationship drag you down." Fluttershy praised, their eyes meeting.
"What were we talking about before this?" Twilight asked, and Vinyl looked away to meet Twilight's gaze instead. The unicorn easily used her magic to pour herself another glass of iced lemonade.
"Sugarcube Corner!" Vinyl answered, "You were gonna tell your story about Sugarcube Corner?"
"Oh that's right!" Twilight gave a small hmm. "So okay, I was there the other day and I was buying a doughnut or two for you, Fluttershy."
"That's nice of you!" Fluttershy chimed in.
"Oh, it was nothing. But guess who I saw there?"
"Who?" Vinyl inquired, and Twilight broke into a smile.
"Sapphire Shores!"
"No way!" Vinyl gasped, and Fluttershy turned her gaze to look at Twilight's general direction. Vinyl bucking loved Sapphire Shores. Sapphire was part of the reason Vinyl had (miserably) tried to get into music. She would have killed to see her idol in pony. Even if she wasn't such a huge musician anymore (her DJing stuff was buried somewhere in her parent's basement- if they kept it), she was still a huge fan of the star.
"What was she like?" Fluttershy asked.
"She was really nice! A bit of a diva, but that was expected…" Twilight continued on with her story. Okay. Focus, Vinyl. You can't tune in now, you have a job to do. First, if she was gonna be Twilight's wingmare, she had to know what Fluttershy liked.
Wait. Maybe she hadn't known Fluttershy as well as she thought? Not that they were best friends or anything, but shouldn't Vinyl know more about the pegasus's life? Vinyl felt like they had only reached the surface of their friendship.
She mentally arranged to ask Fluttershy to hang out, like for coffee or something. Just so she could get to know the mare more. But what about Twilight? She literally knew squat about the unicorn. Other than uh… the fact that she liked Fluttershy. And Vinyl vaguely remembered the purple maned pony bringing up that she was a librarian?
Ok. So she had a game plan.What's the point? Who are you to get into their affairs? You're nobody. Worthless. And you don't need to waste their time-- ' Vinyl mentally shut that thought down. No way. She was holding onto this high, these happy emotions, while she could.
Twilight finished her story up. It was only then that the trio realized that it was nearly sunset. Twilight offered to go take the dishes back to Fluttershy's sink. With one mighty spell, she took all of the dishes and trotted off. That was some mare. Fluttershy needs to open her eyes and see what she's missing. Vinyl could barely lift a cup or two without wanting to pass out.
"Hey… Fluttershy?" Vinyl asked as they watched the unicorn walk into the cottage.
"Yes?"
Vinyl met her teal eyes once more. "Want to go grab some coffee with me tomorrow? Maybe at eleven, Sugarcube?"
Vinyl could have sworn she saw the pegasus's eyes shine at the suggestion. "I- I'd like that," Fluttershy stuttered. Vinyl found it odd, but maybe it was getting too cold for her? Whatever. She didn't need to bring it up. She hid her excitement, but allowed herself to lazily smile.
"Perfect."
Author's Note
Look! A new cover photo!
