Ponyville and Area Weather Authority
Take Your Foal to Work Day
"Please, please, please, Rainbow Dash?" Scootaloo said, staring up at the conflicted grimmace on her idol's face, "'Take your foal to work' day only happens once a year..."
"I don't know, squirt," Rainbow Dash rubbed nervously at her mane, "I mean, what about your dad?"
"I've seen where he works," Scootaloo said, brushing the issue aside with her hoof, "He won't mind."
"But you're not my foal!"
"Apple Bloom hangs out with Applejack every year, and Sweetie Belle will be going to Canterlot with Rarity this year. Big sisters totally count. You are my big sister, right?" Rainbow Dash sighed, trying not to look into those big, pleading eyes. It was no use.
"Okay, fine. I'll sign the permission form. You can come to work with me."
"Woo hoo!" Scootaloo cheered, leaping into the air with a mad fluttering of her wings. Rainbow wasn't sure if she should smile or sigh at the exasperating, awesome little filly. She settled on doing both.
"So, what kind of crazy monster fight do you think will happen today?"
"What?" Rainbow Dash said, taken aback, directing her puzzled stare at Scootaloo who walked obliviously beside her.
"You know, the monsters you guys are always fighting. Or maybe villains! Or...or, I don't know, sky pirates?"
"Wait just one second there, squirt," Rainbow Dash reached out with a wing and lightly flicked her little sister out of her daydreaming, "That's not my job. Why would you think it was? And even if that was my job, I'd never take you along to a monster fight. If that comes up by the way, you're going home."
"Aww..." Scootaloo kicked at the dirt with a forehoof, before suddenly brightening up, "So, are we going to work on a brand new stunt?"
"Look, Scootaloo, I kind of assumed when you asked to come to work with me that you actually knew what I did for a living."
"You don't just fight monsters and do stunt flying?" Scootaloo asked, genuine confusion creasing her face, "So, what do you do?"
"I guess you're going to find out. We're here." Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo were standing outside a squat, symmetrical, and exceedingly plain building on the edge of town. It was a fairly large building, by Ponyville standards, and had two rows of small, square windows running all across the front wall. Next to the door, a small plaque with plain block letters named it the 'Ponyville and Area Weather Authority.'
Scootaloo was horrified. Rainbow Dash just laughed. "Too late to back out now."
Just inside the door was a simple waiting room, with a plain wooden receptionists' desk. It looked like the exact same desk Cheerilee used, Scootaloo found herself thinking. The walls were a plain white, harshly lit by fluorescent bulbs over their heads, with faded posters that Scootaloo was positive had been old before she'd even been born.
Sitting behind the desk was a young earth pony mare with a blue coat and her orange mane was done up in an unreasonably big hair-do, tied in place with a floppy magenta ribbon.
"Mornin', Dash." She said, not even looking up at them as she absentmindedly filed her hoof.
"Morning," Rainbow said, ushering Scootaloo through another door into a short hallway. It was in every way like the reception area was, with a handful of office doors on either side of the hall, shuttered glass windows in each with small name plaques below. "Here, we'll start with a tour," Rainbow Dash said, opening a door labelled 'Supply Closet', while Scootalo's attention was drawn to the stern looking mare in the 'Workplace safety is everypony's responsibility!' poster. It kind of looked like her grandmother, only way younger.
Rainbow Dash returned from the supply closet wearing a white lab coat and a hard hat, and handed Scootaloo a set of her own. Even the mares' small was still too big for her, and the lab coat hung baggy and loose around her. Rainbow Dash carefully pinned the sleeves though, so at least she wouldn't trip on those.
"So where to first? The lightning factory?" Scootaloo said, images of crazy machines spitted lightning bolts swimming in her mind.
"Ha, factory? In Ponyville?" Rainbow Dash snickered to herself, "But just for you, kid, we'll start in Storms."
'Practical Acute Meteorlury' is what the sign on the office door said, but Rainbow Dash called it 'Storms'. There was also a distressing lack of electricity arcing randomly through the air.
"Morning Thunderlane," Rainbow Dash said, shutting the door behind them, "I see you got roped into this whole 'Take your foal to work' thing too." Scootaloo was somewhat relieved to see Rumble, a colt she recognized from school, if only because he was also swimming in a too-large lab coat, and made her feel less ridiculous.
"Hi Scootaloo!" Rumble said, waving to her, and she waved back as she took in the room around them. It was a large room with two sturdy workbenches taking up the majority of the middle of the floor. Along one wall was a countertop with a sink and several shelves of assorted glassware, and along the opposite wall was a stout metal cabinet with a sign that read 'WARNING: Lightning'.
"Are you finished with this Saturday's storm clouds yet?" Rainbow Dash was asking, but Scootaloo was too busy pouting about the relative safety of the room to pay much attention. "I think the kids would like to see the how storm clouds are made!"
"Yeah!" Rumble exclaimed, with enough enthusiasm for them both, Scootaloo figured, so she kept quiet.
"Almost," Thunderlane answered, opening a door on the far side of the room and retrieving a puffy black cloud, "This should be the last of it. You want to explain while I work?"
"Got it. Rumble, over here by me and Scoot, give your brother some room." When the three of them were well clear, Thunderlane got to work. He retrieved several pieces of glassware, and filled one large beaker with water, then carefully measured a light green powder into another before mixing them.
"That's what we call the 'primer'," Rainbow Dash explained, "It's a chemical that makes it so that the lightning will behave itself. Without the primer, it could just go off whenever, with no warning, but the primer makes it so we can work with thunder clouds."
The mixture of water and powder had turned to a thick lime green syrup, and Thunderlane nodded to himself. He went and carefully opened the lightning cabinet. Scootaloo watched carefully, expecting lightning to shoot out when the door opened, but instead Thunderlane just reached in and grabbed one of a half dozen corked bottles. Inside the bottle was a lightning bolt, lazily percolating about, looking for an exit. Carefully, Thunderlane returned to the bench with the primer, and retrieved an odd, corkscrew-like piece of glassware attached to a rubber hose. With a tender hoof, Thunderlane sank the free end of the hose into the primer, and began screwing the glass corkscrew through the cork on top of the bottle. "Watch, as soon as the screw makes it through-" At just that moment, there was a sudden flash as the lightning bolt sprang through the glass screw, down the tube, and dissolved into the primer. Instead of lime green, the syrupy primer now glowed a threatening electric blue.
"Wow!" Rumble said, his jaw hanging slack. Scootaloo had to admit, that was pretty cool, but it wasn't as dramatic as she'd hoped.
"Now, he'll knead the primer into the storm cloud. We call that the 'prime thunderhead'." As Rainbow Dash explained, Thunderlane demonstrated, the blue slime disappearing into the cloud as he carefully worked it in. "Prime thunderheads are still really dangerous though, so they don't usually get used for storms. Instead, he'll section it into pieces, and knead those into other storm clouds, which are way safer."
"Hey Rumble, you want to go grab me a storm cloud?" Thunderlane asked, and Rumble zipped past to go find one.
"Thanks for the demo, 'Lane. Come on Scoots, let's go finish the tour." Rainbow Dash lead her after Rumble, out the back door to the lab. The storm cloud thing had been pretty cool, Scootaloo had to admit. Maybe the day at the Weather Authority wouldn't be that bad after all.
It was worse.
Behind the 'Storms' lab was the receiving bay, where weather from Cloudsdale arrived. There was the general workshop when basic weather was prepped, and the depot where the field teams collected it for distribution. There was the Climate Planning Office, where a pegasus named Flitter went on in excruciating detail over impossibly complex charts and reference books as to how long term climate goals were set. Then there was the Weather Planning Office where short term weather schedules were composed by a rather eccentric sounding pegasus stallion named Cresent Moon, who seemed to really dislike Flitter for some reason.
"And here's my office!" Rainbow Dash finally said. Scootaloo sighed in relief as she looked at the name plaque. 'R. Dash, CWP'.
"What does 'CWP' mean?" Scootaloo asked.
"Chief Weather Pony," Rainbow Dash answered, pushing open the door and walking inside. "It means I'm the boss." Scootaloo followed eagerly; the whole building had been so dull and boring so far, she was sure that Rainbow Dash's office was an oasis of awesome.
Whatever awesome picture she had painted in her mind slowly bled away in the face of what she actually saw. For a second she thought they'd gone back to the reception area, except the pony behind the clone of Cheerilee's desk was Rainbow Dash herself. There were papers piled everywhere on the desk, and a small speakerbox with a bright red button. Across from Rainbow Dash's seat were two guest chairs. The only thing remarkable about this office compared to any other in the building were the brand new Wonderbolts posters plastered defiantly over the ubiquitous faded old safety posters. "Have a seat, kid."
Scootaloo sat down in one of the guest chairs, feeling it swivel underneath her. The urge to spin was irresistible, and when she finally wobbled to a stop, Rainbow Dash was grinning at her.
"So...what does a Chief Weather Pony do?" Scootaloo said, absently flicking the corner of a stack of papers.
"Well, basically I make sure everything in the building gets done right, and if it isn't right, I fix it."
"Oh. That's pretty cool, I guess."
"Not as cool as monster fighting, huh?"
"Nope."
Rainbow Dash reached across the table and tousled her mane. "Yeah, but weather is important. Without proper weather, Equestria wouldn't exist. Just...think of it like saving Ponyville!"
"Uh huh." Scootaloo leveled a flat stare at Rainbow Dash, crossing her forehooves.
"Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic...hey, how would you like to help me do something really important?"
"Sure!" Scootaloo sprang to attention. Really important probably meant kind of exciting, right? Maybe she needed a lightning shipment delivered! Or something like that, at least. Instead, Rainbow Dash dropped a stack of papers in front of her with a thud. "Great! Could you collate these for me?"
Scootaloo busied herself shuffling the stack of papers, and alternately melting in boredom. She didn't really know what 'collate' meant, but Rainbow Dash seemed happy enough so long as the papers kept moving, and she didn't really want to admit she had no idea what she was doing. So the papers kept moving. At one point, Scootaloo was bored enough to try and read them, but they were mostly blank forms with specific instructions written in tiny lettering all over, so they quickly lost her attention again.
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was busy reading through another pile of reports and forms, occasionally stamping some with a big red DENIED, and others with a big green APPROVED. The stamping looked like fun, or at least relatively fun, to Scootaloo, and she considered asking Rainbow Dash if she could do it, but concern that Rainbow Dash would get mad about her not actually collating anything kept her from interrupting. Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.
Scootaloo jumped in surprise when the speakerbox crackled to life, and the voice of the receptionist chimed in. "There's like, somepony named Applejack here to see you, Dash."
Rainbow Dash smiled and pressed the button. "Send her in, Miss Valley."
A few moments later, a rather annoyed looking Applejack stomped into the office, followed by a fairly bored looking Apple Bloom. The fillies waved to each other as the older mares faced off across the desk.
"Hey AJ, what's up?"
"Don't you 'what's up' me, Rainbow. I wanna know why I got a letter from your office sayin' I was denied a permit to make a tornado." Applejack said, before reaching into her saddlebags and slamming a form with a bright red DENIED stamp on it onto the table.
"Well, first off, because I don't have the authority to approve tornados-"
"Rainbow."
"That kind of thing needs to go to the Cheif Meterologist for Central Equestria-"
"Rainbow!"
"And on an unofficial note, I don't know why you even wanted a tornado. There'd be all kinds of damage to the trees, and really, why would you have to practice apple bucking in that kind of-"
"RAINBOW!" Applejack shouted, earning a blink and a blank stare from Rainbow Dash.
"What?"
"I don't want no dang tornados on my farm!"
"Then why did you request a tornado permit?"
"I didn't! I requested extra rain, on account of my trees are parched!"
"No...you filled out Form 194-T - Tornado Permit for Training Purposes." Rainbow Dash said, gesturing to the number on the top right corner of the page.
"Cause you told me I had to!" Applejack said, stamping her hoof.
"No, I told you that you need to fill out Form 094-B - Requisition of Additional Rainfall." Rainbow sat back in her chair, as though that explained everything. Applejack did not look as pleased with the news.
"Well, whatever. Can y'all get me my rain or not?"
"I'm sure they can work something out, but you need to fill in the Requisition of Additional Rainfall, and file it with my secretary," Rainbow Dash said. "Scootaloo, you got those forms collated?"
"Uh...yeah!" Scootaloo said, startled to suddenly be a part of the conversation.
"Great. Give Applejack a Requisition of Additional Rainfall form. Just take that out to the lobby and fill it out, and Valley will file it. Additional rainfall requests go through the Climate Planning office for review, but you should have an answer within three days."
"Three days! I need that rain now!"
"Three days is what it takes, Applejack. Just file the form, and it'll go from there. This is just how the weather works. Scootaloo?"
"Uh...yeah," Scootaloo's eyes darted between Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and the stack of randomly assorted pages. Desperate for an answer, Scootaloo snatched one and offered it to Applejack, who angrily stuffed it into her saddlebags.
"Oh, hey, Applejack?"
"What?" Applejack barked as she all but shoved Apple Bloom ahead of her out into the office.
"We still on for board games at Rarity's toni-" Rainbow's question died as the door slammed, and heavy hoof stomps echoed down the hall. "What's her problem?" Scootaloo just shrugged, and set the stack of papers on a far corner of Rainbow Dash's desk, hopeful that it would be overlooked for now.
"Well, whatever. Hey, come on kid, time for a meeting with Climate Planning."
"Great..."
The meeting with Climate Planning was a disaster. Scootaloo spent the first ten minutes zoning out, counting ceiling tiles as Rainbow Dash and Flitter engaged in what was apparently an engrossing and in-depth discussion of water usage trends in north Ponyville, and the implication on the season's climate goals. At the ten minute mark the monotony was broken when Crescent Moon burst through the doors, a rather scary looking vein sticking out of his forehead, shouting a series of rather ungentlecoltly suggestions at Flitter for reigning in his water budget again. If Rarity had been there, she would have covered Scootaloo's ears, for sure. Rainbow Dash knew she was cool though, so Scootaloo just leaned back in her chair and carefully rolled it off to the side, pretending to be invisible. As far as Crescent Moon seemed to notice, it worked.
What followed was the sort of shouting match Scootaloo knew would have resulted in Cheerilee giving them all two weeks of detention. She knew that, because she and Diamond Tiara had gotten exactly that sort of punishment for having a rather similar argument in class last spring. Flitter was mumbling and nearly in tears, but Rainbow Dash was as mad as Scootaloo had ever seen her. She was in the middle of a fairly gymnastic turn of phrase involving Crescent Moon's hindquarters when she seemed to remember Scootaloo was there.
"Moon. Out. Now."
"But at this rate, I won't-"
"Now!" Rainbow Dash bellowed, slamming her hooves on the table. Indignant, but evidently worried, Crescent Moon retreated without another word. Cautiously, Scootaloo put a reassuring hoof on Flitter's withers as she wiped a stray tear away.
"That guy needs a detention," was all she could think to say. The two older mares gave her a weird look, and then burst out laughing. Scootaloo wasn't sure what was so funny, but she laughed along anyway.
"Are you going to fire that guy?" Scootaloo asked when they were back in the privacy of Dash's office.
"It's not exactly that straight forward," Rainbow Dash said, digging around in her desk drawer. A moment later, she retrieved a pair of half-moon reading glasses, and balanced them carefully on her nose, "Though, this will be his third written warning, so maybe. We'll see."
Scootaloo spun gently on her chair while Rainbow Dash pulled out a thick folder marked with a dozen colourful flags, and began reviewing its contents. After drifting to a stop, staring at the door instead of the desk, Scootaloo sank down, her hind legs dangling and her tail puddling on the floor. For a moment, she considered taking a nap, but the noise of Rainbow Dash hitting the speaker button caught her attention again.
"Miss Valley, could you tell Thunderlane and Crescent Moon I need to see them in my office, please?"
"Like, no problem, Dash."
Scootaloo sat up and spun her chair around to look at Dash again. A lump formed in her stomach as she recognized the stack of papers in Rainbow Dash's hooves as the one she was supposed to have collated. Rainbow Dash had a small frown tugging at the corners of her mouth.
"You...don't know what collate means, do you?" Was all she asked. Scootaloo just laughed nevously, but Dash smiled at her. "That's cool. I didn't know what it meant for weeks when I started. My boss was not happy when he found out I thought it meant to shred them."
Scootaloo let out a relieved sigh, and smiled back. Just then, there was a knock at the door, which opened without Rainbow Dash having to say anything, revealing Thunderlane and Rumble standing in the hallway.
"You wanted something, boss?"
"Yeah, can you look after Scootaloo for a bit? I've got something private to deal with, and then I'm going to take her out to see the weather crews before we clock out." Rainbow gestured with her hoof, "I'll catch up with you guys soon, squirt."
"Yeah, no problem. Rumble and I were just about to unpack a shipment of hailstones for that big thunderstorm on Saturday. You can give us a hoof, right?"
"Sure," Scootaloo said, sliding off the chair and landing on her hooves. She gave Dash a little wave, and followed Rumble down the hall. Just as they were turning a corner to head into receiving, they passed Crescent Moon, whose brow was creased while his wings ruffled behind him. Scootaloo knew that guilty walk well enough to know: he was about to get a detention.
"Okay kid, ready to go?" Rainbow Dash said, trotting casually into the receiving area. Scootaloo and Rumble were lounging on a bench while Thunderlane finished dismantling the crate the hailstones had come it.
"Sure! Bye Rumble, bye Thunderlane!"
"See you at school, Scootaloo." Rumble said as he waved goodbye. With a quick flick of her wing, Rainbow Dash lifted Scootaloo up onto her back. She wrapped her hooves around Rainbow Dash's neck as the powerful wings flexed, and launched them into the air out the receiving door. The big, boring Weather Authority building sank behind them, and Rainbow Dash banked and took them east, to where a patch of raggedy clouds was slowly disappearing.
"Looks like they're right on schedule," Rainbow Dash shouted over the wind, and all Scootaloo could think to do was nod. "We'll just check in with Cloudchaser, and then that's pretty much the day."
"Did you fire that Crescent Moon guy?" Scootaloo shouted back, her curiosity getting the better of her.
"Well, not technically. He's on administrative leave while the petition to revoke his mandate as Weather Planner gets filed at the Central Equestrian Meteorological Offices. It'll probably be six to eight weeks to get an answer back from Equine Resources, but until then he's suspended with pay."
"Oh."
"Yeah, it's kind of a pain in the flank to get rid of ponies around here."
"I thought you were the boss?"
"Well, I am, but Ponyville's Chief Weather Planner is technically appointed by the Chief Executive Meteorologist for Central Equestria."
"Oh."
"Yeah, it's weird."
Everything was apparently fine with the weather crew, though all Scootaloo really learned from that excursion was that Cloudchaser's mane was amazing, but Rainbow Dash seemed to be pretty happy with whatever was happening with the clouds. She'd kind of hoped that they'd just head home from there, but Rainbow Dash had brought them back to the Weather Authority building. For a building that she had never really noticed before, a single day spent inside had really made her dislike the unassuming complex.
"Just gotta check if there are any messages, and then we'll go," Rainbow Dash said as she got back to her office, "Just wait here a minute."
Scootaloo stood awkwardly in the hallway, looking at the crumpled old "If you have time to preen, you have time to clean!" poster. She was debating whether the pony pictured even had wings, or it if was just a really bad picture when she heard Rainbow Dash groaning behind her.
"...094-D? Why does Applejack want freezing rain now?"
"I hope everypony had a good time at 'Take your foal to work day'!" Cheerilee said to the assembled fillies and colts in her little classroom, "And I hoped you learned a lot. What we're going to do this morning is that each of you will write a short essay on what you learned about the job yesterday."
Scootaloo pulled out a paper and pencil, as her classmates got to work, the sound of scribbling filling the air. After a long moment of thought, Scootaloo got to work.
The Worst Job in the World
by Scootaloo
Yesterday I learned that I never, ever, ever want to be a weather pony...