The Spectacular Stories of Starspinner

by Masterweaver

Rating: everyone
Tags: Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Original Character, Moondancer, Comedy, Random
Length: 6330

Moondancer has an imaginary friend! It's not nearly as pleasant as it sounds.

Moondancer was not having a good day.

First, she'd broken her glasses. Again.

Then, Twilight Sparkle hadn't shown up to her party.

And then a crazy hallucinatory identical twin had started harassing her.

NO, Moondancer was not having a good day. At all.

Cover Image vectors hybridized from oshipush, SLB94, and BonesWolbach.

Published 2016-01-15 21:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-29 14:13:55 UTC

The Day I Went Crazy

Let's start off with a little preamble: I was never diagnosed with schizophrenia or any similarly structured mental issues. I may have been an introvert--still am, to be honest--but that was about the extent of it. And just to clarify any other possibilities: I didn't try talk to spirits or summon demons or anything like that, I never ran any really exotic experiments on myself, and I almost certainly have no ancient prophecy about me. (I've looked. Repeatedly.) Basically, my only claim to fame was an eidectic memory, a lot of reading, and sheer raw intelligence.

Now admittedly my skillset landed me in Celestia's school for gifted unicorns at a very, very young age. And I was actually salutatorian--I could have been valedictorian, but at the last moment I decided to answer one test question wrong--my closest competition was also (I had thought) my best friend, and she was just a little bit nuerotic, so I wanted to skip all the drama that having two perfect scores would cause. Of course, she was also Celestia's personal student... which I might have been slightly envious of, if I'm completely honest, but seeing how hard she pushed herself I declined to comment. Maybe I should have earlier--but if I get caught up in maybes, I'm never going to finish this... I don't know what I'm calling this. A journal? A log? I'm writing after the fact.

Actually, maybe I should start at the party. See, it had been a whole year since graduation. Most of my classmates were moving on with their lives, getting jobs and whatnot, but my friend and I were still nose-deep in our books--me, because I was attending a university of higher education, and her because, well, Celestia was her teacher. Still, I thought maybe this one time, I could take a little break like some of my other friends were talking about, and just celebrate our accomplishment together. So I tried to arrange a little anniversary party, just a get-together. And... well, I might have pinned a lot on her showing up.

Yeah. Didn't happen. Celestia sent her off on a quest, and what Celestia says goes.

Now, I was already annoyed, since I'd accidentally stepped on my glasses and had to tape the frame back together, again. Her just zipping off, without even a by-your-leave, really got to me though. I thought she knew she was my best friend and... like I said, I'm an introvert. I don't make connections easily. It... hurt. A lot. I'm over it now, mostly, but at the time I just felt... lifeless and grey. I left the party that I myself had set up and trotted home in a funk, ignoring my other friends who actually did attend--yeah, I was brushing them off. Stupid of me. Maybe they could have helped me out. I don't know. Can't focus on the might-have-beens.

I'd intended to do some binge reading when I got home, take my mind off things. Except, after I locked my door, I... well, I don't know exactly what happened. Trying to remember gets me a big blank space in my head--I can't have forgotten it, I don't forget things, but it was like first I was in my foyer, and then suddenly I was on my couch, waking up with an awful headache. The only other person present tells me she can vaguely recall voices that she says sounded like 'annoyed accountants for an eldritch law corporation.'

And now might be the time to introduce this other person, actually. Because this is when I first met her--waking up with a headache, looking blearily around, and hearing a groan of pain from the ground.

When I looked beside the couch, I saw another pony. Except... well, the pony had a cream coat, just like me. The pony had a red mane with a purple stripe--just like me. Purple eyes, like me, big eyebrows like me--her cutie mark was exactly identical, for crying out loud! I'd heard of cutie mark correlation, of course, but even as a cultural medical phenomena it was supposed to have a minor degree of variation! But no, here was the impossible--a pony who could have walked right out of my bathroom mirror, rubbing her head with a hoof and wincing.

"Okay, what was that?" She pulled her hoof back and stared at it. "And what is this? This is new."

I tried to organize the bundle of thoughts bouncing around my skull into something that could be spoken out loud. When I opened my mouth, though, what came out was a simple "Ahrk?!" of sheer astonishment.

She turned to look at me, and... well. Her expression was first one of confusion, then suddenly recognition, then realization, and finally went back to confusion again. "Just a quick question. Do you have any idea and or theory of how I got here? Cause I sure don't."

"I... No," I replied, managing to shake my head. "But--hold on, I was... Okay. No." I shut my eyes for a moment, adjusting my glasses and flattening my thoughtscape to reasonable levels. "Okay, you look... exactly like me. Which is weird, and probably impossible. That means you've got to be some sort of construct--not that I'm suggesting you're unintelligent," I quickly clarified, "just that you're artificial--why are you laughing?"

"That, hahahaha, that's hilarious!" She giggled into her hoof. "Oh, that is just--funny on so many different levels--or maybe it's only funny because I'm trying not to panic? Either way, ha! You, you think I'm a robot? Hahahah! You?"

"Robot...?" I gave her a look. "What's a robot?"

She looked at me, still giggling. "Oh, wow. Hmm. You said... construct, right? Yeah, that's what I meant."

"...okay, so if you're not a construct," I managed, "then who are you?"

For a moment, it looked like she would answer. And then she got that expression. I had never seen it before, but I would become very familiar with it; the sly way she turned her head and narrowed her eyes, the slant of one eyebrow as one end rose high, and that smirk. That irritatingly amused smirk. With all the experience I've had, I've decided to label it the 'Let's mess with Moondancer for giggles' face.

"That's a fascinating question. Who am I, indeed?"

"...That's what I just asked," I pointed out naively.

"A question with so many facets! Am I the product of my upbringing, or of my instincts? Can I be classified into a specific caste, or should all personality be considered as random as the very nature of life itself? And what makes a who? Am I but a being forgotten by eternity, or am I whom I make myself out to be?"

"If you're not going to tell me your name," I grumbled, "you might as well get out of my house. I've got a really bad headache and... look, I've just had a bad day, okay?"

"Yeah, about that. Not going to lie: This is my first day as a pony, and I don't know if I know how to walk or anything."

"Aha!" I cried triumphantly. "So you are a construct!"

"My body, probably," she agreed. "My self? Not so much." She stretched her hooves in front of her. "So, fair warning, I'm going to try standing now. This could result in a lot of hilarious incidents and or serious damage, but here I go!"

"Wait--!" I shouted, not at all realizing she'd said that pretty much just to get me to shout in a panic since I wasn't familiar with her yet.

And then she pushed herself up. Into the air. Where she hovered.

"...ahrk?"

"Yeah, this is new to me too."

I got off the couch, walking over to the pony suspended in midair. I mean, how could I not? Here she was, without wings, without the glow of magic around her, and she wasn't falling. That just didn't happen. That was a violation of all known laws of physics, magic, and reality. And yet, here she was, my clone, somehow floating in front of me. Absolutely nothing about this situation made any sense. Logically, this called for science.

I poked her leg. It was enough to start her slowly spinning head over tail.

"...How are you doing that?"

"Flying," she stated in a serious tone, "is the art of aiming for the ground and missing."

I gave her a flat look as she started to 'swim' through the air cautiously. "No. Seriously. How?"

"Don't have a clue. But hey, this solves the walking problem!"

"Look," I explained as she started some slow laps around the room, "you can't just accept something that comes out of nowhere. If you don't try to explain it, not only can't you replicate it but you run the risk of something going wrong while you're using it. What if you're flying over the edge of Canterlot and it suddenly fails? Or the process of flying eats up your mass and leaves you a withered husk? Or you're emitting magical radiation that causes mutations in the local insect populace, resulting in a breed of super-ant that wishes to conquer all of Equestria?"

The look she gave me was another one I would, eventually, become very familiar with. Everything about it was flat: flat eyes, flat brows, flat lips. It's the 'you're overthinking things' look, and it's just as dangerous as the 'let's mess with Moondancer' look. Why? Because when she gives me that look, it's a clear sign she's literally picking up her train of thought and putting it on another track, which can have disasterous consequences.

"Well I, for one, would welcome our new insect overlords." She reached her forelegs out and angled her body down before giving a large kick, probably intending to push off the floor again.

And then her forehooves just passed through the floor.

"...AHRK?!?!"

"WHOA okay, that's not!" She kicked back, pulling herself out of the carpet. "Whoa! Whoa, okay. Yeah, that... that was freaky."

"What--how?!" I looked from her, to the floor, to my own hooves. "I was able to come into contact with you, you can't just..."

My mind was moving at a hundred trots a minute, trying to wrap itself around all the strange details. She looked exactly like me. She was capable of flight. She could interact with me, but not, apparently, the rest of the world...

And then, suddenly, it made sense. "You're a hallucination."

She looked at me. "Sorry, what?"

"You're a hallucination," I repeated. "My hallucination, specifically. I can see you and touch you, but that doesn't mean you exist in reality. In fact, as you seem totally divorced from reality's laws, it would be safer to assume you do not exist. Furthermore, your physical form is an exact replica of mine--except that you aren't wearing glasses, and that doesn't really count. So, as only I can interact with you meaningfully, that means you must have a unique connection to me. The most logical conclusion is that you're a hallucination, quite possibly brought on by my distress at Twilight choosing not to attend my party earlier today. This would furthermore explain my missing chunk of memory and the headache I woke up with."

She continued to stare at me.

I stared right back at her.

Eventually, she shrugged. "You know what, sure. Let's go with that. I'll figure out how to disprove it later."

"Right." I rolled my eyes, walking back over to the couch. "Anyway, I guess you can float around or whatever while you exist. I'll look into a therapist later, right now I just want to rest."

"Hold on." She kicked herself in front of me, floating upside down as she examined my face. "You said Twilight didn't come to your party today."

"...right," I grumbled. "Since you're generated by my own feelings, you probably have something to say about that."

"She's Celestia's student, right?"

"Yeah."

"She'd do anything Celestia said?"

"...probably."

"Including anything that would force her away from your party?"

I narrowed my eyes. "I don't like what you're implying."

"Well," she pointed out, "there's a lot of pressure on that position. If Twilight ever defied Celestia, well, the results would not be pretty."

Her argument sunk into my mind slowly, wrapping itself around my resentment and redirecting it. I didn't really dislike Twilight, after all; it was easier to paint her as a manipulated victim than as deliberately cruel or even absently callous. And, I had to admit, imagining the great and pure-hearted ruler of a nation as, perhaps, a dark manipulator was entertaining in its own perverse way. In fact, given how long Celestia had been on the throne, I couldn't rule out the possibility that it might have been true.

I began to scowl. "Well, even if she did do something like that, what could I do?"

And then my new companion got that face again. "Well... if Celestia is out of her palace, you could poke around her private chambers. If you were careful, and knew the right ponies."

We shared a long look.

"...You know, I really shouldn't be listening to the voices in my head. But if I'm going crazy, might as well go all the way." I stepped off the couch, completely oblivious to how much I'd been had.

The First Hints Of What Would Come

She insisted I put on a sweater before I headed out. When I asked why, she claimed it would complement my, and I quote, 'incredibly well proportioned rear end.' And then she started spouting erotic poetry until I complied.

I put this down to make it clear: There is no length she won't go to when pursuing a goal, and she'll pursue any goal that amuses her. Especially if it irritates me.

So, there I was, walking into Canterlot Palace. I claimed I was there to see Lemon Hearts, a friend of mine. My new companion amused herself by phasing her limbs in and out of the oblivious guards' helmets and loudly claiming she could read their thoughts. Soon enough, though, we were trotting down the palace halls.

"You have any idea where you're going?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course I do. There are palace maps available whenever they host some big event, so the guests don't get lost. I've seen a pamphlet or two, and before you ask, yes, I do have a photographic memory."

"Okey doke! This should be easy peasy. Just don't look behind you and stop hunching your shoulders!" She backstroked in front of me. "If you don't want to look suspicious, don't act like you're sneaking around. You want ponies to think you belong here--you got hired recently, or something. Maybe let your eyes linger on some incredible piece of art before you 'catch yourself' and hurry along."

I gave her an annoyed look. "You know, for a hallucination, you're really good at thinking about this whole subterfuge thing."

"Well, I have to convince you I'm real. Part of the whole hallucinatory shindig right? That means acting chops. I'm just giving you some tips is all."

That got me to scoff. "What, do they have a school where they teach these things to mental projections?"

"...maaaaaaaaybe."

We walked and swam on in silence for a few seconds.

"...you know, if I'm seriously going to have to put up with you until I get some decent therapy, you're going to need a name," I pointed out. "I can't just keep mentally referring to you as 'crazy mirror pony.'"

"Crazy mirror pony?" She drew herself up, putting a hoof on her chest. "I much prefer 'Alternatively Intellectual Replicate,' thank you! But yeah, I should think up a pony name soon."

"'Pony name?' Do you already have, I don't know, a griffon name or something?"

For some reason that got her giggling again. "No, nono. Maybe. But probably no. But, hmm. Pony names. I look like you," she pointed out, swimming around my head. "So my name should too."

I stared at her, trying to comprehend that logic. "You want a name that sounds like Moondancer?"

"That looks like Moondancer," she clarified. "So that's Moon and Dancer. Mmm, not a lot I can do with Moon, that's pretty definitive. I'll go with Star, they're both in the night sky. Dancer, though, that's got a lot of potential...."

"Hmm." I nodded. "Waltz, ballet, tango, samba--"

"Spinner!" she shouted. "Because a lot of dances have spinning in them. Starspinner, got a nice ring to it."

I looked at her, my expression decidedly unimpressed. "Really. Starspinner. That's what you're going with."

"Or GlowrockRythymlord."

"...Starspinner it is," I sighed.

"WOOO!" The newly named Starspinner performed an odd little celebratory dance. "Pony name, get! Now, on to more important things, how far are we from Celestia's private chambers?"

"Down this hall, up two flights of stairs, and then we take a right and the third left. That will get us to the Solar tower."

"Solar tower? Huh." Starspinner tapped her chin. "Is there a Lunar tower?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, there's a Lunar tower."

"What's it used for?"

I opened my mouth... and paused. In all my memory, I had never heard of anything happening in the Lunar tower. It wasn't a servant's quarters, or an office for some politician, or even just a fancy place to throw a party. It... was just there, on the map, with all the pamphlets asking, politely, that nopony enter.

"I... don't actually know," I admitted, reluctantly. "Maybe it just fell out of use, for some reason."

"For some reason, she says." Starspinner got her look again, the 'messing with Moondancer' look. "Say, while we're here, why don't we go check it out?"

I frowned at her. "I thought you wanted me to poke around Celestia's private chambers."

"Meh, we can do that later. This is much more interesting." She kicked down and floated in front of me. "It's named after the moon, you've got a moon on your flank, there's the possibility that Celestia is hiding something really important in there... if we find nothing, we can just walk right on out. And if we do find something, well."

"...well what?"

"Well what indeed? Come'n, Moondancer, you can't not have the teensiest little smidgen of curiosity somewhere in that lovingly cluttered noggin of yours."

I glanced away, trying to think things through logically. Admittedly, I was going insane--or at least, believed I was going insane--which in all the books I had read tended to let ponies open themselves up to possibilities they would have otherwise automatically rejected. Furthermore, I was already in the palace, with the explicit intent of screwing with Celestia. Her own chambers might have been accessible, but now that I thought about it, the probability of them having an active guard presence even in her absence was high; the Lunar tower, though, was unlikely to be guarded beyond a simple pair of gate watchers, and if I was indeed going crazy I felt I could outmanuver a couple of guards far more easily than whoever was in Celestia's chambers.

"...fine. We'll head for the Lunar tower."

"YES!" Starspinner pumped her hoof. "Lead the way, filly!"

I had to roll my eyes at her eagerness. I assumed, ignorantly, that I was just projecting my own curiosity onto her and she, somehow, translated that into hyper-anticipation. Still, at least it provided her a distraction as she started humming some tune... that I had never heard before, so I thought she was making it up.

That really should have been my first warning, in retrospect, that Starspinner was no mere hallucination. But as it was, it wouldn't be until we arrived at the unguarded Lunar Tower that I began to suspect Starspinner had her own goals, goals which she was keeping hidden.

She floated up to the door, almost reverently, and smiled at the crescent symbol on it. "How much did ol' Tia put in here already? What has she got set up for you?"

I rose my eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

Starspinner spun around, grinning broadly. "SPOILERS!" With that incredibly unhelpful proclamation, she kicked back through the door... and then stuck her head through it with that expression. "You coming in or what?"

"Fine, just give me a moment."

I leaned in, taking careful note of the lock and handles on the door. There didn't... seem to be any enchantments on it, aside from the lock being particularly sturdy. That in itself could have been a problem, as I had never really had a reason to look into lockpicking before. A quick push confirmed that yes, the door was indeed locked.

"...Welp. Can't get past this," I announced.

"Sure you can," Starspinner encouraged. "Just reach in the lock with your magic and rotate the drum while you push up each individual tumbler until you feel it give."

"....ahrk?!?!"

"What?" She shrugged. "I've... hmmm. I've read heist books, let's call it."

"I haven't!" I squeaked in protest.

"And I have, what's your point?"

"You are a figment of my imagination! You shouldn't know things I don't! That's," I gesticulated frantically, "that's a violation of the basic rules of psychology!"

"I cheat," she explained simply.

"That's not an explanation!"

"Look, Moondancer, I could explain how I know things. I really could. But you know something?" Starspinner pushed herself forward, floating in front of me. "I don't think you could handle it. Yet. Maybe later, after... things. Right now, though, you're going to have to accept that I am just a statistical anomaly, that happens to look like you."

I backed away slowly. "...you manipulated me."

"Mmmyeah. Not even going to deny that one."

"You, you... you planned this!"

"Actually no. I've been making this all up as I go."

"Why are you doing this to me?!" I cried. "What do you want?!"

Starspinner dragged a hoof down her face. "Oh geeze... look. You're the only pony that can see me, right? I don't know why that is, or why I got connected to you specifically. What I do know is that, basically, you're my only contact with the greater world. Which means, even if I only cared about you for my own purposes I would still have to try to care about you. And believe you me, I'm not nearly cold enough to see you as 'just' a tool. You are an incredible mare, or at least have the potential to be one, and if you have to be saddled with me for whatever reason, I just thought... well, I could help you, alright? I mean, when we first met you were on the first steps to a self-destructive spiral of isolation and depression. Not good. This?" She waved at the door. "This... is partially for my own amusement, not going to lie, but I honestly think this will be very good for you. When it happens."

I sat down, gaping at her. "You... you thought tricking me to raid Celestia's chambers would be good for me?"

"Actually I was going to trick you into waiting in her sister's chambers."

"She doesn't have a sister!"

Starspinner merely grinned, floating aside and waving a hoof at the door again.

"...that doesn't mean anything!" I protested. "And that's entirely besides the point anyway! I mean--what would me waiting in her sister's chambers even accomplish--how would this be a good thing for me?!"

"Weeeeeeell, I could tell you. But..." Starspinner leaned in. "Part of this is teaching you to think on your feet. Hooves. Whatever. Point is, I want you to be able to handle the unanticipated, unusual, and unnoticed. Your books are great... for preparation. You've got to learn how to apply what you've learned, though. Otherwise..." She smiled broadly. "Well. If we get caught up on what if, we won't get anywhere."

She swam through the door again, pausing halfway through. "So... are you going to stay out there, become part of the faceless masses, and disappear without any impact left on the world? Or are you going to pick that lock, open that door, and wait with me for a real adventure to start?"

That was a particularly... strange offer. I'd never heard anything like it, outside some novels, and I certainly never expected I would be the one to receive an offer like that. I mean, who was I? An ordinary pony...

...living in the capital city...

...with a high intelligence and great education...

...whose best friend had just been sent away by the princess.

Actually, in retrospect, I was something of a picture perfect 'thrown into a random situation' protagonist.

"...You're going to explain this eventually," I insisted, my horn lighting up as I focused on the lock. "And I mean everything, how you know things and what it is you're doing."

"...Fair enough. Ask me again after the youngest princess takes the throne."

I gave Starspinner a look, but she slipped through the door. And a few seconds later, the door swung open.

The Consquences of Listening to Starspinner

And then we waited. For twelve hours.

Maybe I'm oversimplifying.

Starspinner was having a blast. She giggled as she buzzed around the room, pointing out every little detail she could, and bemoaning her lack of physicality. Me, though, I was constantly glancing at the door and wondering when the guard would come in. It certainly didn't help at all when she started... singing. She was actually a very good singer, but... the songs she chose were a little off.

"Wake up in the morning, it's a brand new day ahead, the sun is bright and the clouds smile down and all your friends are dead..."

"When you're rife with devastation, there's a simple explanation, you're a toymaker's creation trapped inside a crystal ball!"

"So long and thanks for all the fish! So sad that it should come to this! We tried to warn you all, but oh deeeeeear...."

This is the worst part about having a perfect memory. I find myself humming these tunes at complete random. I don't know if Starspinner picked them up from somewhere, or made them up to amuse herself, or made them up to screw with my head... it's all possible, I guess. But I just... they're incredibly catchy tunes about horrible things! The mare has a sick, sick sense of humor.

As the moon rose over the glass dome above us, I eventually I took to looking around the room myself, and... well, I was actually rather astonished at what I found. Pony society changes as time goes on, even a most basic glance at history will tell you this, and that's reflected in the things they make and how they make them. All around me was furniture, tapestries, globes and abacuses made using methods a thousand years out of date--and carefully, delicately worked to look brand new. The books on the shelves, mind, those were modern for the most part--but the shelves themselves were ornate, carved and slotted together with the precision of a carpenter who had no nails.

And there was moon imagery. A lot of moon imagery. Interestingly, most of it lacked the mare in the moon--some of it did, but only in the most modern works. Even there it was rare.

I turned to Starspinner, who was futilely trying to spin a globe. "...Celestia has a sister, you said."

"Mmmhmm."

"And since she hasn't been in the public view, I assume she's been... away?"

"Away, indisposed, imprisoned, it's a really complicated scenario that honestly I don't even know the full details of." Starspinner shrugged. "Of course, nothing lasts forever."

I looked around the room with a more discerning eye. "...so. When, exactly, is she expected back?"

"Well, depending on how you set your clock, today or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow, actually, she has a few things to do before coming back to the palace."

"So you want me to wait here for the whole night, just so I can meet this mysterious sister of Celestia's."

Starspinner gave me a smirk. "Meet? Moondancer, you've got to think bigger. Merely meeting the mistress of the moon is not much." She twirled in midair, allowing herself to rotate upside down. "You're going to be doing soooooo much more for our fine missing monarch, hmm?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Like what, exactly?"

"How old is the oldest thing here?"

I glanced at an abacus leaning against a wall. "I'd say... one thousand and thirteen years."

"What LUDICROUS precision but that's besides the point. Why would something so old be here?"

"Why are you asking me? You obviously already---this is a test, isn't it."

Starspinner leaned back into midair. "Maaaaaaaybe."

"Well, let's see. Celestia arranged this room for her sister, if I'm reading your implications correctly. Ergo, even the nostalgia would be... oh. Oh wow."

"Mmmhmm. You're starting to get it."

If something from a thousand years ago was set up, specifically for Celestia's sister... either she had to be really, really interested in history, or she had to have been familiar enough with it to develop a personal attachment. Suggesting that she came from that historical period. Which in turn suggested a great unfamiliarity with the modern era. And assuming that Celestia did not intend to lock her away again, that would need to be corrected...

"...you want me to teach her about the world?" I asked Starspinner.

"Moondancer: Adjustment Adviser to the throne! I figure it's a good place for you to be, you get an excuse to study and a way to put your studies to good use!"

"Oh no. No no no no. I am not--that is just--Me?! Look at me!" I pointed at myself. "I'm nowhere near royal standards, I, I... I can't just... Look, I don't think that I'm the right pony for the job."

"Moony, Moony, Moony, there's not 'right' pony for the job. Unless Celestia made them out of her own raw magic. But the job, it's practically tailored for you!"

"No it isn't! How could it possibly be--?!"

"Wanted: A general-purpose scholar willing to work nights with functioning knowledge of linguistics outdated for millennia and an affinity for astronomy. You will be interacting with a small number of ponies and primarily attending to one individual. Two vacation days a month, room and board provided." Starspinner gave me a look. "Your name is actually Moondancer. Frankly, I don't see how this opportunity was missed in the first place."

"You think that the princess is going to care about my name?!"

"Well, Blazing Sun certainly isn't going to get the position."

"Who in Celestia's name is Blazing Sun?"

Starspinner shrugged. "I dunno, I made the name up. Look, the point is you're stressing over nothing. Well, mostly nothing. You're stressing over the wrong part of the situation. You are a totally acceptable adjustment adviser and you'll do fine, believe me."

"I'm talking to an invisible pony that convinced me to break into the princess's bedchambers!" I hissed.

"But that's not going to impact your job performance, is it?"

I groaned, cradling my head in my hooves. "This was a mistake. I need to get out of here. I should go home, go to bed, and then go to a therapist tomorrow."

Starspinner shrugged. "Your call. All I can do is pester and distract you. By the way, are you dating anybody?"

"What--no! No I am not!" I held up a hoof. "I am not looking for a relationship either, so--why are you even bringing this up?!"

"I figure, if we're stuck here, we should get to know each other."

I couldn't help but stare at her.

"Oh!" She chuckled. "No, I'm not coming on--I'm not flirting. Just saying I'm single. Nooooo romance. No interest. Not that you aren't interesting, it's just that I don't... think I'm in... I don't do the whole dating thing. When I said get to know each other I kind of meant, you know, in a platonic sense--"

"I think I'm going to leave," I grumbled, walking toward the door. "Yep, that's what I'm going to do."

"Wait wait wait--!"

I didn't even look at her as my horn lit up, turning the knob with my magic--

--or, at least, trying to. It rattled in my grip.

With a frown I leaned down, looking at the lock and trying to manipulate it. It felt like trying to shift ice...

"Where is this coming from?"

"Where is what coming from?"

"There's another field in the lock," I explained absently, not looking at Starspinner. "It's not very visible, so... hold on. It's coming from the door?"

"So, wait, the door's magically locked, is that what you're saying?"

"Yeah, but that... that doesn't make sense. Magical locks are expensive, I mean this is the palace and all, but why would they activate this lock? Do they know I'm here? Am I being imprisoned?!"

"What time is it?" Starspinner asked casually.

"What?"

"What time is it?"

I glanced at a clock. "It's half an hour till midnight, what's that got to do with anything?"

"So the moon should have set by now?" she asked, glancing upward.

"Well, yes, I suppose. What does that--"

I froze.

The room was lit by grey, faded light. It had been for a while. And now that I thought about it, the shadows on the floor hadn't shifted for a while.

Slowly, unwillingly, I looked up. Up to see the moon.

It was pale, white, untarnished by the outline of a unicorn's head I had grown so used to seeing.

"Oh.... oh."

"Mmmhmm."

I swallowed. "So, Celestia's sister is... Nightmare Moon?

"See, this is the part where I have to say maybe."

I blinked, turning to Starspinner. "What do you mean you have to--?"

"Like I said," she shrugged, "I don't know all the details. There's the question as to whether the lost princess was, in fact, entirely cognizant of herself while in the persona ascribed the title of Nightmare Moon. And I'm pretty certain said persona only vaguely resembles that of the crafted mythos of the holiday known as Nightmare Night. Ergo, simply saying 'yes' is not accurate, and simply saying 'no' is also inaccurate. At the current moment, Celestia's sister is in a persona with the title of Nightmare Moon, but that persona is not the entirety of her existence, nor is it akin to the entity you think you know."

"...Well that's a very thorough answer," I grumbled. "So the palace is on lockdown until this crisis is resolved. Which means all the important rooms, of which this is apparently one, can only be accessed by those with proper rank and authority."

Starspinner blinked. "I mean... I guess? You probably know more about military protocol then me."

I sagged against the door. "Which leaves me trapped here, in a strange room, with no chance of getting out until the lockdown is lifted, at which point I'll be discovered and probably put on trial for grand treason."

"I'm pretty sure this is just breaking and entering."

"This is the palace, it's going to come across as grand treason."

"Well, only if you act like you weren't supposed to be here." Starspinner gave me her 'messing with Moondancer' face again. "If you pretend that you were actually supposed to be here and were utterly shocked at the lockdown, then the guard isn't going to have any reason to arrest you, assuming it's the guard that finds you. They'll even apologize!"

I gave her a look. "Do you really think I can fool the royal guard?"

"It's all a matter of knowing how to say the right thing. Be flustered, be annoyed, be tired, but allow just a touch of understanding to tint your words. Acting is not nearly the same as overacting, after all, you shouldn't mug for a camera that isn't there."

See, that's the thing about Starspinner. She gives very useful advice about things I would never have wanted advice about. It's... aggravating. I don't know why she likes to upend my worldview so much--I mean, maybe it's just out of boredom? I am her primary link to the world, after all. But at the same time a lot of what she does to help me is only necessary because she's the one that gets me into these messes in the first place--and I only listen to her because she keeps managing to convince me, and I really shouldn't be but--

It's a logical loop. That's what it is. I trust her to help me when I really need it, but she uses that trust to get me into situations where I need her help.

"And what if it's not the royal guard?" I demanded. "What if it's some other staff member?"

"Same basic thing."

"What if it's Princess Celestia?!"

Starspinner considered that for a few moments. "I'll give you cues," she finally replied. "I think I can handle it."

"But--!"

"Hey. You look exhausted. Maybe you should get some sleep?"

I glowered at her. "The only reason I'm exhausted is because I have been dealing with YOU all day!"

"True, true. Still." She twirled in the air. "I promise, I'll wake you up when somebody comes to open the door, alright?"

"But--!"

"Look, even if you're not really tired, there's nothing you can do. A little nap certainly won't hurt you. I mean, I guess we could stay up and chat, if you like."

I frowned. "Yeah. We could. We could talk about how you know all this stuff--"

"I already told you, ask me again when the youngest princess takes the throne."

"Would that be Mi Amore Cadenza?"

"Younger then her."

"There are no princesses younger then her!"

Starspinner grinned. "Well.... you're right. Of course."

I groaned. "Great, stuck in here with a ghost. What else could go wrong?"

And in retrospect, that was a really, really stupid thing to ask.