Memories

Dear daddy,

I just wanted to thank you for looking after me for so long. Even though I was not born yet and still in mommy's stomach, I knew you were a good dad. I know that you would always try harder than a super pony. I used to remember stories that mommy used to tell before she passed away about how you didn't allow her to eat hayburgers until I was born. However, I need to ask you a favour. A favour which you must do for me. Because you see, I was born a mare, which means that I was more vulnerable to the world; well that's what you said. I didn't listen to you though; when you talked about boys to me. I just said you were overreacting and ignored you every time you mentioned it again. I want to tell you I'm sorry for not listening to you. You see, at the age of fourteen, the boys in the class bullied me. You wouldn't have known this because I never told you and kept it a secret from the teachers. They called me a 'Whore', a 'Cunt', a 'Bitch' and many others things. They nicknamed me 'Rainbow Crash' which in my eyes made no sense because I never crashed. It's just for fun of corse. Something colts do regularly.

So when you were worried about me I could understand that. I remember coming home hardly interacting with you, like I used to. You always used to ask me weather I was alright because I could see it in your eyes that you worried for me, but I never told you. I replied with 'I'm fine' and headed up to my bedroom not seeing your friendly face until the morning. You wouldn't have known this either but I used to silently cried myself to sleep remembering the day before. I'm sorry. I was told if I did mention what they said they would beat me up and I agreed. I was wrong though. I should have told you when it started. Perhaps you did the same when you were young; trying to impress all the other colts. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it. But when it happened to me, I didn't find it as a joke.

funnily enough if it isn't any of the girls getting bullied it's some of the boys but not as much; they could see it as a joke, I just saw it as a gun ready to shoot it's painful words at me. So by the time I turned sixteen, I decided to change. I acted like all the other fillies at my age who didn't get bullied, I wore makeup and did my hair. You noticed this but when you confronted me, I yelled at you. I'm sorry for that too. I should have listened to you from the start. It was actually working though. I was becoming more popular. I got to hang out with the popular ponies and even got invited to parties. You wouldn't have know this either but I snook out my bedroom window as I knew you wouldn't allow it. When at the parties, some of the colts slipped there hoofs down my body attempting to get at my mare parts while I'm still drunk and can't even stand straight and when I said 'no' they just laughed.

It's funny right? if you saw me daddy you would be so ashamed of me because I'm wasted and useless and a disappointment. No wonder that I was raped at twenty. Twenty and on my way home in a carriage with a guy you went flying with every Wednesday. The guy who I heard in our house always telling insulting jokes; but they were of corse only jokes. So you laughed. If you had known that his son would end up raping me you would of ending up killing him. But how could you know, he was just a boy telling weird jokes. And in any case it wasn't your business; you were just being nice but his son was raised with these jokes which became my business.

Finally after many years, I met Mr perfect and you should be really happy for me because he adores me and he's smart with a great job at the Wounderbolts and all through the winter he goes touring just like you did in your days. But one day he stopped being Mr perfect and I don't know why. Wait, am I overreacting? One thing I do know is that I'm not the victim daddy, I'm raised to be a strong and independent mare like you and mommy. But one night it was just too much for him with his work and the wedding which was coming up. So he ends up calling me a whore like the bullies in my school did. Then another day, he hits me leaving a bruise. Sometimes I'm really out of line and I can really be a bitch sometimes, but were still the worlds greatest couple. But I'm so confused because I love him and I hate him and I'm not sure if I did anything wrong and then one day he almost kills me suffocating me with his hooves on my neck. The world goes black. Even though I have a amazing job, five fantastic friends and was well brought up, I didn't see any of this coming. But now I'm alone. Yes, I still got my friends, my job and still my life but I feel emptier on the inside.

Dear daddy, this is the favour I want to ask. Whatever I've done to you, please forgive me and don't make the emptiness in my heart more deeper.

Love from your daughter, Dashie x