Chapters The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall
Intro and the Time Machine
In Equestria all Ponies work for the good of all. From the Royalty and leadership to the common folk all strive for the sake of peace, happiness, and friendship. All that is except for the Nobility of Canterlot. These strange individuals are the backwards products of a time that they believed still existed when in fact it had died away long ago. Perhaps there is no better example of this than the Pony Noble known as Lord Corn Wall.
Cornwall’s ancestor the great Corn Lord had ruled as a feudal overlord of sorts during the reign of Discord, promising sanity in a world gone mad to the desperate earthpony farmers who had all ripped away from them. After a short time Corn Lord had the loyalty of nearly every Farm and Peasant in Equestria (which gave him his name) and he used this to gain extreme amounts of wealth and power in the land. When Luna and Celestial arrived and defeated Discord using the elements of harmony, they found that this overlord had already been hard at work growing nearly endless fields of crops. They took advantage of the situation by making a deal with Corn Lord, saying that if he pledged loyalty to the new kingdom of Equestria that he and his descendants would be given a place of wealth and power in the hierarchy. Corn Lord accepted. But as generations passed things changed. Eventually the system changed and peasantry was no more. These peasants became independent farmers (several even created inventions that would earn them so much wealth that they became nobles themselves and created rival houses).
Now in modern day Equestria there are roughly a dozen noble houses that all desire nothing more than the complete and utter ruination of all their competitors and even dominion over all of Equestria. Corn Wall of course was one of them and had made it his life work to emerge on top. This of course was complete and utter fantasy, for with every other house trying to do the exact same thing all were doomed to failure from the very start. Celestia knew this full well and it was for this very reason that she never truly intervened or disbanded the Nobles. She figured that it kept true tyrants and rebels from rising up and was also extremely fun to watch. Nobles were creative but extremely irrational and impulsive. They commonly came up insane plots to try and gain the uper hand against the opposition. These plans ranged from brilliant and daring to downright sad. But either due to the actions of the opponent or the plans themselves these plans always failed. That in no way discouraged the Nobles though.
On this particular day Cornwall awoke to knocking on his door from his personal bodyguard Fire Star. “My lord are you there?” Fire Star inquired anxiously. “Zap Watt believes that he has finished the device!” with those words Corn Wall leapt from his warm bed and searched for his coat and top hat (two items that a noble simply couldn’t go out in public without).
Corn Wall stepped outside his room into the main hall of Corn Manor, where the stained glass windows splashed color across his grey coat and white mane. His corn stalk Cutie mark, though reflective of his name, reflected none of his actual talent and the only reason he had it was because his ancestors also all had it as well. This has nothing to do with Heredity, for the only reason this same mark appeared time and time again was simply due to the fact that Nobles lived off the fame, deeds, and
Upon meeting by the elevator the two called a lift to take them down to the secret underground laboratory where Corn Wall’s hired scientists, researchers, and engineers worked tirelessly on machines that could be used to somehow turn the tides in his favor (Corn Wall thought that by doing this he was being insanely clever when in fact all the other houses happened to be doing the exact same thing). Chief among them was Zap Watt a Pony who is regarded as one of the most brilliant and insane of his generation. He earned his name due to his thought pattern that electricity could do anything if applied in large enough amounts. This was reflected in his Cutie mark (if one could it that). This mark was a single blue lightning bolt that constantly pulsed and shifted with varying shades of blue light. This lead to Cornwall being so disturbed by it that he required all scientists to wear very thick lab coats at all times so that he wouldn’t have to see it. His light tan coat and white mane were covered in coal black scorch marks left by wayward electricity resulting from his experiments. These mad experiments with electricity ranged from attempts at mastering robotics to outright breaking the very laws of Physics themselves. A research team from the University of Canterlot had sought to determine how Zap
At last the lift reached Zap Watt’s personal lab floor and the Noble went out to inspect his newest invention, a time machine that could (supposedly) take all inside to any point in time they desired. “Is it finished?” Corn Wall inquired.
The time machine was a large, globe shaped chamber located at the far side of the lab with signs that read “Zap Watt’s time machine DON’T TOUCH OR ELSE!” like everything Zap Watt created, the device was covered in Tesla coils so that it could radiate electricity in all directions. Zap Watt believed that this ensured that it would work. And while this was in keeping with his firm belief that electricity could do anything, in truth it didn’t make the slightest difference (the University team was also unable to determine how Zap Watt’s inventions worked with such inefficient designs).
By the time Fire Star reached the machine he could see that Zap Watt and Corn Wall were already inside and motioning for him to join them. After a few seconds of thought he reluctantly joined them and the steel door shut behind him.
Time travel in practice was not nearly as pleasant an affair as it was on paper. One did not simply teleported to their destination, but instead had to randomly travel through all of time until they reached their destination. This was so rapid and chaotic that the time travelers themselves saw nothing but a colorful blur that seemed to last for a few seconds before they finally reached solid ground. They found themselves in the middle of a town square packed with ponies moving in all different directions. A near by newspaper confirmed that the date had not changed.
Zap Watt compared the time on his pocket watch to that of the clock tower in the center of town and stated “interesting ve appear to have travelled ten zeckonds into zhe futar”. “Either zhat or my vatch is off”.
Lord Corn Wall did what he always did at a moment like this, searched for the nearest Pub. Nobles tended to drink nothing but alcoholic (though extremely watered down) drinks with any meal and at any time of the day. These drinks are considered to be some of the worst tasting beverages in all of reality (in unreal space they are second only to the infamous “Discordian mind destroying tree sap ale.) Ponyville however was unlike any other town Cornwall had ever known due to the fact that it lacked any bars, pubs, or distilleries in the first place. Lord Corn Wall was utterly cutoff from his lifeblood and would have to resort to the most desperate of acts, consuming the drinks of commoners without any alcohol to make them bearable. This on top of the complete failure of his greatest plan quickly caused him to consider this his darkest hour.
The only Inn in town was a large but humble building that had little hospitality other than a warming fire and a roof that protected you from rain. Reflecting alone in his room, with only a cup of putrid tea to comfort him, Lord Corn Wall came to the conclusion that time travel was a bad idea and couldn’t work for him. He instead must find a more conventional means to victory. Perhaps he could raise unrest among Steel Heart’s foundry workers, crippling her industry and forcing her to put aside any plots against his farms. Maybe planting a rumor of Gold Hoof forming an alliance with Water Eye could divert attention away from his expansion into new, fertile lands. Corn Wall pondered on ideas like these for hours until night had fallen and he could keep his eyes open no longer. He slept easy knowing that tomorrow a train would arrive to take him home. For once he was there he would have a new plan for victory in the eternal struggle of the houses. He would have 100% confidence in this plan just as he had every other before it. He thought as he always did, this time things would be different.
Author's Note
This series was the first multichapter Fanfic that I ever wrote. I was strongly inspired by a variety of sources (in fact, nearly each chapter had a different source of inspiration). The series overall was inspired by my interest in history, and my fascination with nobility and noble bloodlines. I'm not sure if this was actually inspired by Blackadder (I came up with the idea sometime between March and May of 2012, and I can't remember if I saw that series before or after that), but the similarities are undeniable.
Fun fact: Lord Corn Wall was actually a character that I came up with for a weird project that I had to do in middle school (the name was inspired by a History Channel documentary about the American Revolution that I saw which mentioned a British general who was a lord from Cornwall, so I took that to make a name). When I came up with the idea to make a Fanfic about nobility, I revived the character as a Pony, it seemed like the perfect fit.
This chapter was specifically inspired by the intro to the game C & C: Red Alert 3 which I was absolutely obsessed with. I always thought that Cutscene was super cool for some reason, so I used it here.
-Lost_One, 8/7/19
The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall
After his return home from Ponyville, Lord Corn Wall had begun the process of setting his new plans into motion. Many of these plans would break down in the preparation stages either due to another noble doing something similar or the plan itself being physically impossible. In fact nothing notable happened until the mail arrived roughly a week after the failed time machine experiment. As Fire Star skimmed through the masses of ads, bills, and miscellaneous other letters he found one that stood out from the others not due to content or appearance, but due to the sender. The name was so much like any other he had ever seen that he thought it was from a rich foreigner or even an alien! These claims were baseless but made sense in Fire Star’s mind.
“My lord I have a piece of mail that might interest you!” Fire Star said in frenzy.
To the average Pony, complaining to the princess in person was a truly mad action. Many would never dream of it let alone for something as silly as one letter having been censored (not even necessarily by the government). Nobles on the other hand, complained so often that the royal guards knew each by name. Trying to stop them was pointless due to the fact that they never take no for an answer and that Celestia would always let them through anyways due to the fact that she found their pointless problems entertaining. Celestia saw Lord Corn Wall entering the room and immediately put down the book she was reading, Corn Wall was gullible and she had managed to make him humiliate himself in a multitude of different ways in front of the common folk.
“What is it Corn Wall?” she said, holding back laughter.
For you see, Celestia herself had sent the letter to Corn Wall knowing that it would cause him to come questioning. She did not predict however just how easily he believed the false diversion she had thrown at him. Once she finished laughing she picked up the book again, still giggling, and eagerly awaited for the results of Corn Walls “lesson to the baker’s guild”.
The baker’s guild was based in a shabby building near the edge of the city except for the fact that it had a giant muffin on the sign. Though the baker’s guild resembled the average bakery in function and design the ponies in it couldn’t be more different. They had no love of cooking and thus worried only about the quantity of their goods and not the quality. Their leader had earned himself the loathing of Celestia due to his greed and vanity. It was for this reason that she sent an angry Lord Corn Wall his way.
“I demand an audience with your master!” Corn Wall announced as he burst into the room.
The leader of the baker’s guild was under the impression that the more ponies you threw at a problem the quicker it would go away. When he heard that there were slight problems with scheduling he used his normal method and simply hired more secretaries. Instead of having more secretaries for the office however, he thought that it would help if he gave his secretary her own secretary. And then he gave that secretary a secretary and so on until he couldn’t fit any more secretaries in the unnaturally long hallway. The horror of having to go up the never ending staircase everyday combined with the confusion brought by this odd secretary chain must have caused them to develop some sort of shared hive mind.
“Why are you here?” the secretaries asked in unison.
Upon exiting the room, Corn Wall saw the secretaries were once again starring at him. They looked him over for a few seconds then started chanting, “Join us!” Lord Corn Wall was terrified and came to the conclusion that this building was evil. The ads didn’t matter anymore all that he cared about now was escaping. He ran past the grabbing arms of the secretaries and went as quickly down the stairs as his Pony legs could go (surprisingly fast considering he was a noble). Once he reached the ground floor he charged out the door, knocking back several bureaucrats to do so. The bureaucrats thought nothing of this and many didn’t even look up from their work since most visitors ended up leaving in this way. For Lord Corn Wall it was one of the most terrifying moments of his life. For those who worked there, it was Thursday.
And so Corn Wall fled back to the safety of his manor house, paranoid that this hive mind might extend beyond that hallway (thankfully it did not). The noble vowed never to buy anything from the baker’s guild in an act of revenge (this wouldn’t make any noticeable difference in their sales) and ordered all letters from Redacted burnt (ultimately Celestia wouldn’t send anymore). When news of the affair reached Celestia she laughed hard, amazed at just how well her plan had worked.
Author's Note
Honestly, I'm not exactly sure what I was thinking with this chapter. The concept of stuff getting redacted comes from the SCP Foundation (I'm very disappointed with the current direction of the SCP project, but from 2011 to 2012, I thought it was the coolest thing in the world). I think I had this idea that the guilds would be constantly at the throats of the nobility due to the fact that they are led and staffed by commoners (think "new money vs old money") and that the nobles would be alienated by an sort of modern bureaucratic organization (hence all the stuff with the Secretaries). In fact, I may have intended for the whole thing to be a subtle SCP Parody (where it's treated as a scary supernatural event, but really it's just a nobleman who's out of touch with the modern world), but I honestly can't remember. Also, I absolutely hate bureaucracy, that could have something to do with it.
The thing about spam letters and sending things twice was specifically based on an issue that I was facing at the time with Spam emails, I don't remember the details, but I'm pretty sure that something like that was going on around the time that I wrote this... either that, or it was one of many random ideas, I'm not sure anymore (See the speech in the notes of my first story about me being a different person now).
-Lost_One, 8/7/19
The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall
The wasteland sun scorched the caravan, forcing possessions and ponies alike to swelter under its oppressive glare. These wastes seemed barren at first glance, but hid valuable treasures if one knew where to look. It was the promise of these treasures that had brought Lord Corn Wall out here in the first place. Nearly three days ago he had received a letter from a prospector in Appleloosa named Brass Dawn. Brass Dawn had reason to believe that there were ancient ruins in the vast empty deserts east of Appleloosa and asked for help and funding. Corn Wall agreed on the condition that he is allowed to take a quarter of the treasure for himself. Now he was part of this great expedition, searching for the signs of a lost civilization among the barren dunes.
Suddenly the wagon in front stopped and Corn Wall looked out from under his wagon’s covering to see what the problem was. What he saw was one of the most amazing sights in his life. Before his eyes stood a massive stone structure built into the side of a great mountain. At the outer doors stood statues half buried in the dunes by centuries of dust storms. And right beside them, a camp was being hastily put into place.
As they exited the covered wagon they realized just how much time had passed. The sun was low in the horizon and it was obvious that they would only have a few hours of sunlight left. The exploration would have to wait until tomorrow. Brass Dawn was overlooking the ruins, discussing how to breach the sealed doors with a demolitions expert. When the noble reached them the demolitions expert went back to his tent so that Corn Wall and Brass Dawn could talk.
The noble and his bodyguard left, to get the tent up and rest for the day ahead. These tents were made to be as utilitarian as possible, and as such were simple to set up despite their size. Once all the belongings they had taken with them were inside, Corn Wall closed the tent and let a few candles to provide light in the rapidly darkening enclosure. The two ate a quick meal before heading straight to their beds on opposite sides of the tent to rest for the day ahead.
The two ponies were awakened not by the sun or an expedition member, but by a startling boom. They rushed outside to see that this noise was the result of the tomb entrance being blown open by several tons of dynamite. Prospectors didn’t like being subtle. By the time they had reached the blast site, the dust had cleared and the team led by Brass Dawn was preparing to enter the dark monolith.
The light from torches revealed amazing carvings all around the tomb depicting the great battle that had won Sand Heart her mighty empire. Scattered across the gargantuan room were stone tables and chairs that had clearly been made to stand the test of time. At the end of the room a giant throne sat empty that rivaled Celestia’s in sheer beauty. In front of the throne there was a Sarcophagus of pure gold, decorated with carvings of the empress that was entombed within rising over the temple to rule the entire world on it’s flat surface. Even more noticeable than this however, was a glowing blue orb that sat on a pedestal above the surface of the Sarcophagus. The blue light within the orb swirled endlessly like a storm raging eternally in the sky.
Everypony starred at the orb for several minutes, seemingly unnerved by the spectacle. Corn Wall got a flask out of his pack and took several large swigs before Brass Dawn stepped up to the pedestal and grabbed the orb. When he did so, his eyes seemed to turn the same shade of glowing blue for a second before returning to normal.
Strangely, when they got back and began grabbing small meals, Brass Dawn went straight to his tent and starred at the orb until everypony else had finished eating and was ready to go back. He put the orb deep within his pack before leaving as if it were to valuable to leave in his personal tent. The rest of the day was spent scouring the tomb and surrounding ruins for treasure and artifacts. Any items of historical value were to be sent to the Canterlot archives and other items were given to Lord Corn Wall in return for his funding. Brass Dawn spent this time looking at the Sarcophagus and the carvings above. By nightfall all had fallen into a deep sleep after the days work, all except for Brass Dawn who was once again staring at the orb intently.
Like the day before, the noble was awoken from his slumber by loud noise. These sounds were not the work of explosions but rather, the sounds of a struggle. Again Lord Corn Wall emerged from his tent and saw that Brass Dawn had overpowered several other expedition members who had tried to restrain him. Before anypony could react, Fire Star rushed towards the prospector and in an instant, he was thrown back as well.
Corn Wall rushed towards Fire Star, who was picking himself up and putting his hat back on.
This plan wasn’t guaranteed to work due to the fact that trains arrive at set times, but thankfully the train was waiting for them when they arrived. They hopped onboard and hoped that the train wouldn’t breakdown along the way. After an uneventful journey they had at last made it to Canterlot with not a second to spare. They could see Brass Dawn running at full speed towards the palace and they had to try and beat him there.
Upon entering the palace gates the elite royal guard left unconscious across the tiled floor. Knowing that Brass Dawn was near the throne room, they rushed forwards as fast as possible. They had been making a classic mistake, thinking that Celestia was defenseless. If anything the opposite was true and the princess would have used her amazing powers to destroy the Empress and free the poor prospector that she had mind controlled as a pawn. Fortunately what Fire Star did worked just as well (though Celestia’s method would have been amazing see). Once he was close enough, the bodyguard leapt towards the prospector, knocking him over and causing the orb to fly into the air and shatter onto the ground. Upon breaking, a phantom with the visage of Empress Sand Heart rose from the broken orb like smoke from a fire and let loose a howling wail before vanishing in an instant.
After seeing all this the princess (who hadn’t yet been able to figure out what was happening asked, “What the hay was that?” No response was given, as neither Brass Dawn nor Lord Corn Wall knew the answer for themselves. Brass Dawn was in fact, unable to recall any of the events after he had touched the orb. The three of them simply apologized for what had happened and left the palace as quickly as they could. They would return to the campsite where they would try to explain to everypony else what happened before taking all of the items they had recovered to Appleloosa. And then, Lord Corn Wall would return with new trinkets, ready to return to the eternal struggle of the noble houses once more.
Author's Note
This chapter was inspired by the Halls of Origination dungeon from World of Warcraft: Cataclysm (which was still the current expansion when this story was written/published). I used to play WOW all the time (I still absolutely adore Warcraft as a setting, but I personally feel that the current version of the game is simply way too grindy for my tastes, so I stopped playing a while ago), and I know that had something to do with the inspiration of the story, but I can't remember anymore than that.
The descriptions of the desert and the heat were based on the fact that I was born and raised in Arizona (I was still living there when this story was written), and while I'm overwhelmingly glad that I've left that horrible place behind in favor of a new, much more pleasant state, the experiences of 110 degree summers will likely stay with me for the rest of my life, hence why there's such an emphasis on desert heat in this story.
-Lost_One, 8/7/19
The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall
It was a calm night in Equestria and all seemed at peace. A gentle breeze swept the land as the stars shined brightly in the heavens. It was the middle of summer in Equestria and the lazy spirit of its residence showed it. For the young it was a time to play and relax while their schools were closed. The adults had no concerns on their minds either, harvest was ages away in the minds of farmers and everypony was looking forward to the summer sun celebration that was soon to come. That is why it was such a shock when fire rained from the sky. For on that fateful day a strange meteor fell from the stars and crashed into the Everfree Forest. All knew immediately that this was no ordinary meteor either due to the alien green glow that it exerted.
This unknown object held limitless potential and it was assumed that, given time, could end up changing Equestria forever. Some worried that this change may be negative while others speculated that this “fallen star” was useless and would serve as nothing more than a curiosity. All agreed however that this meteor would be worth many times its weight in Bits and that Celestia would be sending a team to retrieve it immediately. Celestia however had other, more subtle ways of retrieving this item.
First to even think of retrieving the meteor was Lord Corn Wall’s arch nemesis, Steel Heart. Steel Heart was Corn Wall’s primary competitor among the nobles due to the fact that both were based firmly around to very different doctrines. The latter’s ancestors had come to power in the times of old and were aligned with the farmers who have long formed the backbone of Equestrian society. Steel Heart was descended from unicorns who had only recently risen to the status of nobility by using their magic to create technology. Steel Heart herself was very different from most nobles due to the fact that she looked to the future rather than lingering in the past and sought to improve upon existing technology and industrialize Equestria. This alone made her a threat to the legacy of the great Corn Lord and thus a threat to his descendent, Lord Corn Wall.
As usual, Corn Wall was among the last to be informed of the meteor and didn’t see any actual value in it. However, he knew that Steel Heart was eager to seize it and he should move to take it first for the sake of keeping it away from her and keeping her power from growing any greater. He had been competing against her long enough to know how she thought. She was a logical thinker and was with out a doubt on the train to Ponyville at this very moment where she would recruit locals and for a team that could both protect her from the strange creatures lurking in the forest and carry the meteor back with them. Her only true weakness is that the train would take time and gathering locals would be slow. Corn Wall took his two most loyal servants, Fire Star and Zap Watt and left to scale the mountain that Canterlot stood upon and move into the Everfree Forest by cutting through the town of Ralistok.
Fire Star was an obvious choice to go on a mission like this but taking Zap Watt into a potential fight worried the noble. It had nothing to do with the fact that Zap Watt was nonviolent or cowardly as one might expect from a scientist but the contrary, Zap Watt enjoyed the brutality of battle too much. He loved all aspects of electricity including its terrifying affects on the mortal shell. This is one of many reasons why nopony truly liked Zap Watt. Within the hour the three ponies had their equipment ready and were ready to depart.
And with those words the team began the journey down the winding mountain path towards Ralistok and the Everfree Forest. The trip went well and like any trip that goes well the details are extremely boring. It wasn’t until they got off the mountain and reached the road to Ralistok did they come across trouble. For along the road there were a large number of tents set up. One elder carrying a lantern approached them.
At this point in time the sun had set and the group would have to move by torchlight. Everything was calm until they reached the edge of Ralistok and felt a strange unease. They all moved more cautiously and were startled by every noise. It wasn’t until they reached the center of town that they truly understood the elder’s warning. They saw that the undead were more numerous than they had and anticipated and instead of “decaying bags of bones” they were mostly intact engines of doom that instantly charged towards the group with terrifying speed. Zap Watt lifted his right hoof and fired a huge bolt of electricity at the horde. This did absolutely nothing but stun the risen dead for a few moments though.
The Everfree Forest was an enigma. In this forest resided monstrous creatures and kind beings that seemed to take no notice of each other. An hour could seem like a day and a day could seem like an hour. The seasons had no effect and the weather was static. Zap Watt was personally disturbed by the fact that there were few good conductors in the forest. The march towards the green glow that now shined like a beacon in the pitch darkness was long and uninterrupted save for the occasional bat flying overhead (a fair number of whom had the misfortune of being shocked by Zap Watt at least once). By midnight the trio had reached crater and move towards the source of the glow. This meteor was no mere rock but a metallic cylinder that glowed brightly even against the moonlight that poured in through the massive gaps in the canopy that it had rendered on its downfall.
Stepping out from the shadows came the dark blue form of Steel Heart, with her white mane flying in the wind and her grey eyes shinning in the moonlight.
Things were quiet after the train ride back to Canterlot. The cylinder itself was quickly forgotten by Corn Wall who only truly cared about his victory over Steel Heart and was studied by Zap Watt before disappearing under mysterious circumstances (Zap Watt was glad to be rid of it after he learned that it gave off no electrical charges). The artifact was taken in the night by the Equestrian secret service that brought it to Canterlot’s main laboratory. After being put through a battery of tests it was determined that the cylinder was completely useless and quickly became a decoration in the main hall. Celestia was disappointed that the object didn’t do anything but was satisfied that her plan of retrieving it had worked. She knew from the beginning that Steel Heart would compulsively hunt it down and that Lord Corn Wall would somehow take it and then leave it poorly guarded. She found that the reports of Fire Star’s berserker rampage at having his hat taken and Steel Heart’s blank response were some of the most hilarious yet and she didn’t even have to goad anypony to do anything. She also realized that she could use the nobles for things like this in the future. After all hearing about there incompetence was a million times more entertaining then just sending Royal guard to get something done. And the nobles were shaken up even more than usual. This could lead to some interesting events in the future.
Author's Note
A bizarre combination of Command & Conquer , Diablo III , and various UFO stories, that's what this chapter was inspired by. I was very into C & C at the time (as stated in a previous chapter), I was playing Diablo III like crazy at the time, and I still love UFO stuff to this day. How all of that stuff could possibly combine together in someone's mind, I honestly have no idea, but it all collided in mine, and this is the messy result.
-Lost_One, 8/7/19
The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall
The Equestrian noble rebellion was an event that never technically took place. Official historians and record keepers state that the nobility have never once rebelled against their kingdom (after all why would they, the kingdom is what gives them their high place in society after all). The truth is however that the noble houses tried to overthrow the royal sisters once but failed so miserably that there are no clear signs of a revolution what so ever. Now only those directly involved know the embarrassing truth, a tale that they would take to their graves.
It was nearing the end of summer and monsoon season was well under way. The dreary skies and daily rain showers were an omen to residents of Equestria that harvest was approaching and after that would come winter. Young colts and fillies lamented the fact that school would resume in a matter of days, as the weather seemed to wash their vacations away. The noble houses would cease their eternal struggle for a time and wait for environmental conditions to improve (nobility didn’t like having to go out in the rain). Celestia lamented this time due to the fact that the noble houses conflict served as a great distraction from the boredom of royal affairs. This year however she came up with a solution. She wrote an anonymous manifesto calling for the nobility to unite, overthrow the crown, and form a new Equestrian Oligarchy with each house sharing power. This was the perfect scheme it would force the nobles to suffer in the rain, devise horrible ideas, and all around humiliate them. Her plan was a tremendous success.
Nobles have been known to make temporary alliances with each other on rare occasions in order to accomplish a common goal before promptly betraying each other. This however was the first and only time in history that all the houses joined forces together (each noble of course planned to betray the rest and take
Nearly a day after the manifesto was sent the nobles had assembled in downtown Canterlot to take part in the affair. The nobles were gathered under a tent put up to serve as a makeshift HQ where they could discuss strategies without the rain soaking them (the Volunteers and Conscripts would be forced to stay out in the rain where they would try to make the best of the situation by singing songs or gambling before what they thought would be a massive battle). “We should arm ourselves and strike at the palace first and end this in one great strike!” barked a Battle hungry Steel Heart. The lesser nobles all looked at each other nervously when she said the word “strike”.
He spoke to the audience “Citizens of Equestria your time is now, rise up and break the chains of oppression!” he was met not with the screams of rebellion that he expected but instead with laughter. Had he read the sign on the front of the building he would have seen that this was a comedy club and that tonight was amateur’s night, the crowd thought he was a comedian. “Why do you folk laugh, the city quite literally burns with the fire of revolution as the homes of the corrupt fall!” the crowd laughed even harder. “We are here to end your suffering today and all we ask is that you join us!” the audience had erupted with laughter and the noble could no longer make his voice heard, so he raised his hoof to the air and ran off stage to the back.
The rest of the P.N.F.F.F.C fared no better as the rest of the nobles were either laughed at or booed off stage at their respective venues. The “rebels” fared no better due to the fact that the rain prevented them from successfully starting any fires with their limited tools. Unfortunately there was a stage play that was starting up at the time about a large rebellion in a kingdom and everypony simply thought that the propaganda posters and the ponies attempting to rouse the masses were part of some sort of viral marketing (which may explain why this play sold so many tickets). Shunned and seemingly defeated the nobles fled back to their tent where they argued until the alliance had fallen completely apart. All of the nobility went back to their mansions in defeat, once again loyal to Celestia and Luna, and blaming the others for this failure and plotting new terrible schemes of revenge for once the monsoon ended. The “rebels headed back home soaking wet and extremely tired, but overjoyed that there hadn’t been a war. Celestia’s spies among the “rebels” returned to her with the reports on what had happened. She enjoyed just how far the nobles had gone on the word of a nameless document and just how much they were humiliated by their failure. She had finally managed to toy with all the noble houses at once and had preformed what may very well be one of her greatest tricks yet. She ordered that the reports never enter the official archives and stay in her personal possession because the world didn’t need to hear of a failed revolution that lasted less than a day. And seeing the reports also reminded the princess that the nobles were now more conflicted than ever and the great struggle would only increase in intensity and impulsiveness. Just as planned.
Author's Note
This chapter is fun to look back on. It was inspired by a sudden rain shower that came through the night that I wrote this story and, as stated in a previous chapter, I lived in miserable desert at the time, so rain was exceedingly rare and precious. Because of this, my whole family went outside and had a lot of fun in the rain, and that inspired me to write a story where Equestria had a crazy Monsoon season like the ones I used to experience every year.
As I've said before, I'm a big fan of history, and when this story was written, I was very interested in learning about WWII, hence the emphasis on soldiers and Peaked Caps and stuff. One big problem I faced during the writing of this series, was figuring out how the ponies would carry weapons (Fallout: Equestria was still relatively new at this point and I hadn't read it, so I was unaware of the concept of just having Ponies use guns and not worrying about the mechanics of it), I honestly never came up with a good solution to this (more on this in the last chapter).
-Lost_One, 8/7/19
The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall
Autumn had come to Equestria and with it, the working spirit of its denizens. Summer was over and the monsoon had gone with it leaving only the occasional shower in its wake. The young returned to their studies as farmers prepared for harvest, everypony was gearing up for Noble houses to the end of the monsoon season. The end of the rain meant that the unofficial armistice between the nobles was ended and that all the plots and schemes created during the long wait would be unleashed in a violent wave of rivalry and desperate ruthlessness. Whoever was beaten here would be at an advantage until the next monsoon season came and that was seen as the most important thing in the long run. This meant that there were only two strategies, aim for a rival and hope to cripple them or wait for somepony else to come for you so that you may foil their plot and counter attack. Corn Wall preferred the latter while his mortal nemesis Steel Heart preferred the former.
Celestia knew that this opening week of hostilities between the nobles would be the most brutal and thus, the most entertaining. Above all others though, it would be amazing to watch Steel Heart attempt to cripple Corn Wall due to the fact that it was like the meeting of an unstoppable force and an immovable object, Neither one would give up until the other lie utterly ruined. That would never happen due to the cruelly keen instinct that one develops by being one of the top nobles. Regardless, the two continued to develop more and more elaborate plans with the goal of total victory and both became better at countering as well. Steel Heart’s plan was simplistic yet epic in scale and amazing in practice. She had spent her time after the failed rebellion wisely and had her engineers develop one of the most horrific tools of industry ever seen. It was a terrifying bore device with many blades and drills created simply to go through the abandoned mines beneath Corn Wall’s manor and weaken the foundations so that the whole structure to collapse, meaning that one way or another Corn Wall would be removed from the great contest this year. This plan was doomed from the start.
Corn Wall had changed the competition forever by finally introducing a new factor, the air. Camera technology had improved greatly and it was the scion of the great Corn Lord who first saw that quick photography combined with a Pegasus’ ability to fly meant that nowhere was safe from his prying eyes and anything could be seen. This would eventually be countered but for now Corn Wall had a massive advantage. One of these flights provided pictures of the drill as it was being moved to the caves and let Corn Wall know what he was dealing with. His course of action was clear, destroy the drill at any cost.
“What’s the plan my lord?” said a very eager Fire Star.
The way to the mines was rough and difficult, requiring one to pass through large numbers of rocks and steep hills to reach the old entrance. The two nearly slipped several times and were both relieved when they found the cobwebbed gates of the cave sprawled out before them. The evidence was clear that some one had been there ahead of them and couldn’t be more than an hour ahead. The chase had begun and the balance of power stood in the balance. Whoever one this would be at an incredible advantage.
The caves were huge and beautiful, filled with amazing gem stones but ruled by an empire of ambient noise. It quickly became clear that finding the drill through sound was pointless and that sight was the only resource that could be relied upon. All was calm until the party had lost the tracks of the device and paused, to ponder their next move. All seemed lost until a ragged looking mare that had apparently come in between either group approached them.
The stranger approached with a slight grin asking, “who are you?”
Suddenly the guide stopped and turned to the pair with an unnervingly large smile.
The changeling did do one thing however, set the pair on the right path again. When they looked down they saw the tracks of the drill and quickly pursued to the source. Unfortunately Steel Heart did remember to bring henchmen with her and the moment the two were near the drill, they were captured by burly stallions who brought them before Steel Heart.
“I was wondering when you’d show up.” Steel Heart deadpanned.
When the drill began boring into the earth, everypony in Canterlot could hear its effects. The device emitted a loud metallic grind that seemed as if it came not from the ground but from the sky. This phenomenon was documented and to this day, the vast population has been unable to determine it’s true cause. Corn Wall could feel his life’s work being ruined and knew there was only one chance to prevail. He would drop the electro disrupter on the ground and kick it with one of his free legs. If this device worked like everything else Zap Watt built he would only need to get it near the drill for it to start sending electric bolts flying in all directions and crush the great machine. He did exactly that but found that instead of simply shutting down the drill the disrupter did something else entirely, cause the drill to explode.
What followed next was pure chaos as everypony ran for the exit to avoid falling boulders. Enemy helped enemy as all simply wanted out of the cave, seeing it as a place of death. In reality only a few good sized rocks and Gems had fallen from the ceiling but the loud noise combined with the lack of knowledge on what a cave in actually looked like fooled the lot of them into running home as quickly as possible. Regardless the day was over and Corn Wall was still standing.
Both nobles rested, preparing for the inevitable counter attack that was soon to follow. Celestia retired to her chambers and reviewed all that had passed. This new season had begun magnificently with a number of exploits headed by the explosion in the mines; all of these brought her great joy. What had taken place must be remembered for not only would it lead to the next set of counter schemes but it was all in all, a great day. And it was days like this that made all the boredom of royal life more than worth it.
Author's Note
The inspiration for the story was simple, I was starting my Junior Year of high school. Early on, I was considering only doing this story for that one summer when I started writing it, but obviously, plans change. I did mainly stick to writing whenever I had a break, but sometimes (like with this story) I wrote away from holidays. Honestly, that Semester was the only fun one that I've ever had at school (especially considering my miserable time in College), so writing something that fit in with it is actually pretty fitting in retrospect.
I was also inspired by the reports of strange sounds coming from the ground at the time and, as an avid fan of the supernatural at the time, I couldn't resist. There were also bits of inspiration from the Lego themes Rock Raiders and Power Miners both of which I still adore to this day.
In the story, I also wanted to hint that something big was approaching (which would act as the end of the story), but I also wanted it to seem not too out of the ordinary, so that the characters would be caught off guard when things started getting intense later.
-Lost_One, 8/7/19
The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall
This was the darkest hour in Steel Heart’s life. Her desperate plan to crush Lord Corn Wall once and for all had been decimated and she was at a severe disadvantage. Though the old stallion was slow to take the initiative he was very difficult to stop once his plans were moving in full force. The main reason she was worried however was because this was the latest in a growing line of her schemes that produced absolutely no benefit. It seemed clear to her that she was losing control of the situation and if she didn’t find a solution soon she was done for. In this stupor she sought out the place where her families legacy began, the Triumph Caverns.
It had been long ago that Steel Heart’s great grandfather, Iron Lung, had mined here to gather the first metals needed to produce cheap Steel. This action led to the start of an industrial empire that is still growing to this day. Steel Heart traveled here alone, wanting to reflect on all that had passed and what she could do to regain control.
Like most caves it was wet, cold, and dark with only a few lanterns lighting the way. Steel Heart came to a small, well light enclosure and starred out at the sky, visible through a sizable crack in the cave wall. From Everypony else’s point of view it seemed is if she was an aggressor constantly sending machine after machine to bring ruination upon Lord Corn Wall and his holdings. From her perspective however, she was a crusader seeking to modernize Equestria and transform it into an industrial power like none other. In order to do this however, she must first eliminate the stubborn Lord Corn Wall and all others who stood in the way of progress. If they won she feared that the other nations of the world may one day become more advanced and glorious Equestria would be left behind. She couldn’t allow this to happen.
As the noble’s thoughts drifted towards the present, one question stood out from the rest. Could she ever live a normal life? If she lost everything and had to join the common folk, would she be able to adjust? She had been raised from birth to lead this great noble house and assure its dominance over all the others. Her thoughts drifted even more and the question broadened. Could she live a quiet life? If she were made to retire or lost so much money that she could no longer compete with the other nobles, could she stand it? Could she ever learn to love the slower pace? She honestly didn’t know the answers to these questions and just thinking about them was enough to bring tears to her eyes. What if she couldn’t find a solution and was actually defeated in the eternal contest? Could She cope?
Suddenly a torrent of noise came in from the cave entrance, violently breaking her inner reflection. Steel Heart rose with lightning speed and looked to the cave mouth. She saw a group of ponies with various pieces of mining equiptment entering the cave slowly and noisily, the clatter of hooves against stone overpowering their words. This cave was mined out long ago, why would a dig through be working here today? Steel Heart decided to follow them in the hopes of figuring out what they were doing here.
After a while she could actually understand what the foreman was saying.
She knew that she wouldn’t be able to get her private guard here in time considering the sphere was almost completely excavated. She would have to scare the miners away and recruit locals to finish the work. But what could she do to get them to leave that wouldn’t result in her own untimely death? She realized that she would have to be very sneaky and begin a campaign of psychological warfare to ensure their speedy retreat. She would start out small and slowly work her way up until the stress was to great on the work crew and they would flee the place.
She first began throwing rocks across, the room causing the miners to jump and become uneasy. This wasn’t working very well though, because the foremen calmed his workers down and ensured they worked at one hundred percent efficiency. She tried tumbling rocks to trick them into thinking there was an iminate cave in, but the foremen calmed the group down again. Every time she tried something, the foreman was always able to counter it. Now it was clear that is the plan was to succeed she would have to break the foremen.
What could the foremen be afraid of? Obviously he was trained to tell a real cave in apart from a fake one and was almost impossible to unnerve. She tried sneaking over to his coat on the ground and lit it ablaze before dashing back into hiding. When the foremen saw this he simply stomped the flame out. When a spider was sent his way he crushed it. When bats came swarming towards him, he swatted them away. Nothing Steel Heart tried worked. The artifact was all but free and the noble saw that if she didn’t succeed right now, Corn Wall was destined to annihilate her legacy. In a panic she used her unicorn magic to summon a massive wave of multi colored bubbles towards the mining crew. In retrospect, Steel Heart had no idea why she did this but was very proud of the result. These bubbles seemed to be more effective at horror than all the psychological tactics in existence at scarring away this stoic work group. They ran out of the cave so fast that one could have sworn that the apocalypse itself had taken manifest form and was hot on their trail.
When the miners returned to Lord Corn Wall, they lied and said that there had been a huge rockslide that had destroyed the artifact and would have reduced them to a bloody pulp had they not run when they did. Lady Steel Heart however, hired a massive crew of Pegasi to fly the orb to a safe location so that it could be taken to her secret research lab. Her hired scientists and engineers would work tirelessly to unlock the secrets of this long forgotten device so that their industrial noble could finally achieve the victory that she sought her entire life. Although things seemed brighter than ever for Steel Heart, one question still plagued her relentlessly. Could she ever adapt to a quiet life on the sidelines? She smiled to herself, finally knowing the answer. Thanks to her actions today, she would never have to.
Author's Note
This chapter was a fun one, because it was the first one written from the antagonist's point of view. I wrote it mainly to set up the ending of the series (I did have a vague idea of how I was going to end it at this point), but also because I had no idea what else to write. Writing the antagonist was fun, and reading this reminded me of how much I love writing villains, perhaps I should start doing that in some of my Anime Fanfics...
Speaking of Anime, on the night that I wrote this story, I finished watching the Anime series Angel Beats at the request of a friend. This fact is significant because this was the first Anime series that I had watched seriously by my self, and as a result, I became interested in watching more. I'll go into more detail in my reflection on the last chapter, but this eventually lead to me deciding to never watch MLP ever again and stop being a Brony, so it's definitely interesting to note that here.
-Lost_One, 8/7/19
The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall
The view from the balcony was amazing. From here Lord Cord Cornwall could see Canterlot towering over the misty forest that surrounded his alpine lodge. The noble had no desire to be in the city today due to the fact that tonight would be Nightmare Night. The streets would be flooded with common folk, all of whom would be celebrating ancient holiday in the loudest and most exuberant manner possible. While most onlookers (including the royal sisters themselves) would see the sheer joy of Equestria’s citizens as heart warming, the nobility saw it as sickening. They believed that commoners existed purely to work under them and should work without end. Lord Corn Wall would always flee to this retreat in the forest to escape such celebrations.
Corn Wall took one last look at the city, shivered with disgust at the thought of the impending folk holiday, and then finished the rest of his brandy in one large gulp. The forest was beautiful this time of year and he often liked to travel up the riverside trail beside his personal lodge. Nopony lived in these woods, so he often traveled alone. Fall was definitely in the air and the temperature would soon start dropping. It was at times like this, when he was alone and felt at peace that he would think of about his family line. Did the great Corn Lord live somewhere like this? Did he face the same never-ending power struggle as his descendants? What was it like living during his time? All these things and more, Corn Wall would never be able to know.
The noble suddenly stopped and looked up at the sky. It was well into the day and he should hoof it back down the trail if he wanted to make it before nightfall. He began the trip back but suddenly felt himself lose all control over his limbs. He heard a ringing in his ears and his vision went black as he was being lifted up into the air. Then he lost all consciousness and disappeared.
When next he awoke he saw a bizarre world before his eyes. This place looked like the forest, but it was very dark, foggy, and had an unnerving purple hue to it. In the darkness he saw a huge pair of gleaming red eyes starring directly at him. The noble was completely terrified of the otherworldly being… until it spoke.
With those words Lord Corn Wall took several titanic swigs from his flask and set off into the fog. The forest was extremely dark so he couldn’t see very far ahead of him but he could hear every terrifying noise for miles. Blood chilling screams, unreal howls, and shouts in alien languages filled the air and even overpowered the sound of the noble’s heartbeat. Corn Wall always thought he could see movement out of the corner of his eye but when he looked, he saw nothing. He couldn’t worry about such things his only goal right now was to make it to the lodge. Then he saw it.
It looked like a huge, fleshy dog covered in tentacles that all had blades on the ends. Corn Wall tried to sneak past it but within seconds of him sighting the beast, the flesh hound was already starring directly at him. The noble ran without a second thought, trying merely to escape. The abomination was chasing him with unnatural speed. Suddenly, Lord Corn Wall found himself in water. He had found the river that ran beside the trail. On the bank of the river laying but a few feet in front of him, was a light grey mare with a flowing black mane. She was looking into the water, sobbing deeply. When she saw Corn Wall she seemingly became enraged and ran toward him. Once she reached him she forced his head under the water trying to drown him. But then he saw his unlikely salvation from above the water.
The terrifying flesh dog that had been chasing relentlessly earlier was afraid of water and thus couldn’t chase him in the river. Once it saw the mare drowning it’s former target, it saw a new source of prey. The beast leapt at the mare knocking her back and releasing the noble. Corn Wall watched these monsters fight a horrific battle as he recovered from near death. It seemed that even nightmares had nightmares and would violently try to destroy these monsters. Most of these things were all but unstoppable so they would be fighting each other forever. Now that he had found the trail, getting back home would be easy.
Only one nightmare could appear at a time and so all Lord Corn Wall had to do was run from one until another appeared and they were both tied down. It was almost sad how little skill the whole journey took. The noble even managed to get used to the sounds of these horrors after a while, actually starting to laugh at how over the top they were. Some of these “nightmare creatures” even took laughable forms. More tyrannical and militaristic versions of Celestia, Luna, and Cadance all appeared and shouted phrases so over the top they were hilarious. Tax collectors, teachers, and managers showed up, blathering on about lateness and lack if effort. The monsters were spawned from the nightmares of mortals, weather they were primordial horrors, or simple stresses.
After awhile, Lord Corn Wall finally reached the front of his lodge and suddenly the world returned to normal. Time Stopped as he could see the giant red eyes peeing at him from the shadows once more. The unintimidating voice spoke once again.
Time resumed normally and the noble could see that the sun had just set. Lord Corn Wall went back to the balcony and looked out at Canterlot once again. There was light everywhere and fire works filled the sky. Tomorrow he would return there and continue his schemes to be the most powerful noble in existence. He hoped that as the leaves fell, so to would all his competitors. If he was going to win he would have to do that which none of his predecessors could, go on the offensive.
Author's Note
Spooky scary Halloween special. I absolutely love October and Halloween, so writing a Halloween special was an absolute must for me. Unfortunately, I kind of think that this chapter sucks, but at least I wrote something for Halloween.
-Lost_One, 8/7/19
The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall
Fall, it was a season that always brought with it great change. Trees shed their leaves, days grow short as nights grow long, and warmth bleeds away only to be replaced by cold. However, this year more would change in Equestria than the weather. This year it would be proven that nothing was eternal.
Lady Gold Iris, a Pegasus noble whose family had come to power through banking, had consistently been sending shipments of unknown materials via train into the mountains of northern Equestria each day for three weeks now and Lord Corn Wall was rightfully suspicious. Gold Iris had clearly put a fortune into whatever this project was and ruining it beyond recovery would force her into an early retirement. Of course, there was no way of knowing what exactly this was and the only was to figure out was to go there. Corn Wall, Fire Star, and Zap Watt would sneak aboard one of these trains and stop the banker noble once and for all.
Normal ponies would have tried to board the train by disguising themselves as workers or henchman in order to safely get onboard with minimal effort. Corn Wall, Fire Star, and Zap Watt were not normal ponies. They instead rode in a balloon being flown at high speed by two disgruntled peguasi and then jumped down onto the top of the train with parachutes. As awesome as this sounds it is extremely dangerous and it’s amazing that the trio didn’t fall off the top of the train cars into the valley that the train was near, being served a gruesome end by razor sharp rocks. Nobility just seem to have that inexplicable luck. As it were the three invaders were completely unharmed and simply found a way inside the train car.
“Vhat do you zhink is inside all of zhese boxes my lord?” Asked a curious Zap Watt.
Before anypony could even guess however, the train came to an abrupt stop. Out side of the window, the group saw that they were no longer in the Equestrian countryside, but were now within the very heart of a great northern mountain. There were so many torches lit throughout the complex that nopony even noticed that they had entered the mountain and the train car had enough insulation that they wouldn’t be able to feel the cold northern air until they exited. Outside, a great commotion of engineers and scientists all dressed in heavy, white lab coats with scarves and goggles covering most of their faces. The guards stood guard with thick darkly colored trench coats, large steel helmets, and bib scarves rendering them mostly identical. A horde of these goggle welding ponies had entered the train and, in a rather lucky coincidence, three entered the car who were all the same sizes as Corn Wall, Zap Watt, and Fire Star.
Without a thought, Fire Star knocked out the poor engineers and ripped off their clothing. And, again, luckily for the group nopony heard or saw it. Lord Corn Wall abandoned his top hat (not a loss considering he owned an obscene number of replacements) and Fire Stars peaked cap had a removed wire stiffener (this means that it could be curled up into a ball and still form back into shape when needed but also caused it to have a crushed appearance) so nopony objected to putting on these out fits. It seemed that luck was going out of its way to help Corn Wall on his quest.
The trio exited the car with their new disguises on, carrying out the boxes, and followed the stream of ponies until they saw what this whole operation had been about. In front of them stood a huge metal shaft that was surrounded by walk ways and seemed to stretch down for miles and was aimed up at the sky. In the center of this shaft, floated a huge red crystal surrounded on all sides by smaller ones the size of the ones in the center crate. And starring directly at the shaft was Gold Iris herself, clothed in the same dark trench coat as the guards but without the helmet or bib scarf. This contrasted sharply with her bold yellow coat and bright red mane.
Zap Watt looked at the others and declared, “I vill go and see vhat vill destroy zhis machine, you try to be careful around here.”
Zap Watt had been staring at the center crystal for a solid five minutes now and could see no obvious weakness or vulnerabilities to exploit. All he knew was that it was powered by magic and the smaller crystals at least were fragile. When presented with an unknown like this huge crystal, Zap fell back on his base strategy, shoot it with an electrical current and see what happens. It was specifically due to occasions such as this that the scientist had created the Pocket Zeus 120. It was small enough to fit in your pocket (as the name makes painfully obvious) but can still fire a bolt of electricity that is far beyond lethal levels. He fired the bolt at the crystal with disturbing glee as, much to everypony else’s horror, the crystal shook and rumbled, clearly going critical.
All differences, duties and hatreds were thrown aside as everypony rushed for the nearest exit. Lord Corn Wall and Fire Star ran towards Zap Watt who had found a hidden exit towards the top of the mountain. The three of them jumped towards the Pegasus driven balloon that had followed the train all the way to the mountains and flew away in time to safely see the resulting explosion before speeding away back to Canterlot.
When the noble awoke the next morning, he spent hours looking out at the year’s first snowfall, reflecting on what had just happened. For the first time in history, a noble had actually managed to defeat another noble in their eternal competition. For the first time in his entire life, Corn Wall had managed to achieve his goal of crushing an enemy noble and becoming a step closer to achieving the same dominance as his ancestor, the great Corn Lord. The noble felt a sense of triumph and pride that he had never felt before. This feeling was shattered when he read the mornings newspaper. According to the paper, Lady Steel Heart had also managed to drive another noble into retirement. Two nobles had been eliminated and Corn Wall knew at that very instant that all the others would fall like dominos shortly. After that, there would only be Steel Heart and himself left. One would have to emerge victorious over the other by utterly crushing them eventually. He would have to use all his cunning to ensure that he was the winner. It’s going to be a long, cold, harsh winter.
Author's Note
A big setup to the finale, I wanted this chapter to give off the feeling that the situation was getting truly desperate and that the world was coming to an end (because for the nobles, the life they've always known is completely destroyed after this).
The super weapon is a giant Death Star basically, I originally wanted it to be a world destroying weapon, but I realized that if that were the case, then Celestia and Luna would certainly get involved, stop everything immediately with their godlike powers, and it would totally ruin all the tension, so I made it something that threatened Lord Corn Wall without involving anyone else.
-Lost_One, 8/7/19
The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall
Great change had struck the noble houses of Equestria. One by one, the lesser nobles had been forced to retire by Lord Corn Wall and Lady Steel Heart in a frantic competition to absorb as many assets as they could. The final strike was all but guaranteed to come before the end of the year, a strike that would change Equestria forever. Great change would come on Hearth’s warming Day, though not the change that anypony expected.
It was Hearth’s Warming Eve and the day was young. Lord Corn Wall was just on his way back from the monocle store when it happened. He stood in front of the Iron Gate that stood before his manor; taking a good look it’s breath-taking design. He had never realized how beautiful it was or how much effort it would have taken to make. He starred for almost thirty seconds straight before a Jade beam hit the manor and destroyed it in a rather large explosion. Corn Wall now stood in shock trying to figure out what in the hay just happened. After thirty more seconds he opened the gate and climbed through the ruins of the home he had known all his life. In the wreckage he saw one of his most prized possessions covered in ash and instantly picked it up. It was a golden pocket watch that the noble had received from his father as a colt. He opened it and remembered what his father said, “If you any kind of monster ever tries to get you just use this watch and think of me, before you know it that monster will disappear.” Obviously it was just something to help the young noble if he ever got scarred but Corn Wall kept it any way, as it was one of the few tangible items that he still had from his father. He shed a single tear and then quickly wiped it away, put the watch in his coat pocket, and continued walking. He the reached the elevator the secret lab and rode it down.
“My Lord, I’m relieved to see that you’re unharmed, what was that noise?” asked Fire Star.
Zap Watt led the pair to the end of the room where they beheld a huge set of doors. Corn Wall opened the doors and out came an avalanche of thousands of failed experiments.
Above, the pegasi had come bearing sky chariots and satchels ready to do as their master commands. The trio got onto a chariot and watched as the winged ponies snatched up all the experiments with terrible speed. Once they were all picked up, Corn Wall pointed forward, causing the flock of pegasi to all speed away towards the mountain as a tide of Corn Walls marched below them.
The site of the mountain fortress was truly amazing. Steel Heart had driven a large shaft down the center of the peak and placed a series of mirrors all along it in order to channel the light form the orb in any direction. Once the fleet of ponies reached the top of the mountain, they all reached into their satchel bags and threw all of the failed inventions at the mirror system. Most of the inventions were so unstable that they exploded before reaching their target (it is currently unknown how a half filled cup of coffee managed to explode). This was all for not however, as the mirrors were shielded by powerful magic. The explosions did manage to blow a sizable hole in the size of the mountain that could be entered safely. Lord Corn Wall signaled the pegasi pushing his chariot to fly to this new entrance so that he and his allies could parachute in through the gap. Once they recovered from the landing, they took a moment to survey their surroundings.
The interior was, for the most part, extremely well crafted. The slabs of stone that made up the walls, floor, and ceiling looked to be chiseled from the very rock of the mountain itself and were clearly made by artisan stonemasons. This beauty was tarnished by the addition of cheap looking mass produced steel columns that served to reinforce weaker areas and support the orb on the center. Nopony seemed to be inside as all were called upon to beat back all of the Corn Walls that now rushed towards the place like water freed from a dam. This was quickly discovered to be false when a chair that had been facing out towards a huge window overlooking the frenzy bellow swung forwards to reveal Lady Steel Heart herself. Body guards then seemed to come out of nowhere and quickly drag Fire Star and Zap Watt out of the room, leaving the two nobles all alone.
“I thought you died in your manor old man,” said Steel Heart.
It was at that moment that his father’s words all those years back finally seemed to make sense. He was now facing a monster and was scarred out of his wits. In his head, one short phrase kept repeating itself, “…just use this watch and think of me…” a phrase that would save him. He reached into his coat pocket, took out the watch and, in a final act of desperation, threw it at the orb. As it turned out, the old heirloom was exactly what he needed at that moment. It was small enough to pass through the fore field and hit the orb. The energies of the orb were entirely incompatible with the pure gold of the watch and when the two met the results were disastrous. Green sparks flew everywhere as the chamber slowly flooded with light. Everypony assumed the worst; the orb was going to explode.
Both nobles dashed out of the room into where the bodyguards were holding Zap Watt and Fire Star, shouting at them to flee the place while they still could. Steel Heart took a balloon that had been tied to an observation post near the top of the mountain and drifted to safety in it. The remaining three ponies still in the fortress were spotted by circling pegasi and flown out of range. There was no explosion however and the orb simply disappeared in a single blinding flash of jade colored light. This made no difference as the orb was now gone forever and Steel Heart’s dreams of supremacy had gone with it.
After having overseen the banishing of all the clones back to the pool form once they came, Corn Wall headed to his personal lodge outside of Canterlot. He had finally done it, he had achieved in several months what none of his ancestors had failed to achieve in their entire life spans. Victory was his, yet he didn’t feel satisfied. Now that the other nobles were no more, he had nothing left to do. He had already paid for the rebuilding of his mansion and that would be completed in mere weeks. His entire life had revolved around the great contest and without it he felt completely empty. What would he do now?
When he awoke that Hearth’s Warming Day, he knew the answer. He would retire and donate a sizable amount of his money to charity. His days would be spent helping the common folk (he had nothing else to do after all) and making Equestria a better place. The other nobles soon found that they actually preferred the quiet and peaceful life of retirement to the hectic and stressful lives that they had lived before. Soon even Steel Heart was writing in her memoirs about how much better things seemed now that she didn’t have any enemies plotting against her or pressure to break another noble. Servants quickly found new jobs and former bodyguards became valuable additions to the Royal Guard or (in Fire Stars case) were even able to retire themselves. Universities hired scientists and engineers and the government to perform research, paved the way for a new golden age of Scientific and technological discoveries. When news of what had taken place reached Princess Celestia, she was amazed. It seemed that even the most stuborn of ponies could change.
It was the end of one age and the beginning of another. One that would be defined by the actions of common ponies who would change the world. And Everypony who would rise to rule this age can indirectly thank the nobles for setting the foundations by witch they were able to succeed.
Author's Note
Journey's end. I was originally going to go for some kind of dark ending where Lord Corn Wall was left as a penniless beggar or something, but I decided against it in favor of an upbeat happy one where he simply makes the choice to retire and help out the nation. I'm a sucker for happy endings and besides, it was Christmas.
The night of Christmas 2012 (when this story was published), I decided to start watching Lucky Star after seeing it on the internet. After seeing that, I absolutely knew that I wanted to see more Anime and when the New Year came, I started watching the 2003 version of Fullmetal Alchemist , which I had seen a few episodes of on Adult Swim back in 2004, but never finished. I instantly fell in love with that series and with Anime as a genre, laying the groundwork for me to leave the Brony fandom in early 2013.
Initially, I wanted to balance the two and be both a Brony and an Anime fan. I was even planing a new Fanfic inspired by my viewing of Fullmetal Alchemist, which would have been written as a historical document telling the history and modern culture of the Griffons and their empire. This was obviously before the show actually told stories on that subject, so I envisioned the Griffons as being a mighty empire that formed through conquest and was much more militaristic and industrialized compared to Equestria. I also envisioned that the Griffons would lack access to magic, but they instead could use Alchemy what was very similar to that seen in Fullmetal Alchemist and that this Alchemy would have been one of the sources of their military power (also similar to FMA) and the force that powered their industry. This easily would've been my most ambitious Fanfic ever (In fact, I'd dare say that it still is at the time of writing) but alas, it was simply not to be.
In early 2013, things changed. I was starting to have doubts about MLP, as I was finding the then airing third season to be somewhat underwhelming (especially compared to MLP), and the thought of quitting began to cross my mind. The final straw came one day at school, when I overheard some people making fun of MLP and Bronys, and that inspired me to stop watching the show and leave the Brony fandom. This may seem like a drastic, unnecessary move to you know, but you have to understand, at this time, the animosity between Bronys and non-bronys was still at fever pitch. The whole thing felt like a war, and since I was now more interested in Anime anyways, I decided that I belonged on the other side.
When I stopped being a Brony, I didn't just quit watching the show, I deleted everything, the drafts of my stories on this computer, any MLP stuff I had on my computer, all of it. I did everything in my power to destroy my Brony past (again, it felt like a war back then), I tried to delete this account, but thankfully, something stopped me, so I decided to simply change the name to "Lost One" and include a message indicating that I was gone.
Now, I don't feel the same way that I used to, I've made peace with this fandom, and I'm even thinking of returning to a degree. I'm considering watching through this series again and making a new Lord Corn Wall series that basically tries to tell the story of what he is doing during certain stand out episodes of the show, but that is for fate to decide. For now, I've been able to look back on this story that I wrote and reflect on my past, and I thank anyone who's decided to join me in that.
-Lost_One, 8/7/19