Death's Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad Day

by Monochromation

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 5178

Death has a terrible, horrible, very bad day.

Death has a terrible, horrible, very bad day, consisting of a small plague, a rather awkward run in with Fate, and time travel.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-01 06:11:31 UTC

A Small Plague

Just a regular day at the metaphorical office.

Death woke up, did his rounds, and came back to his home, right? Wrong. Today was going to be a terrible, horrible, very bad day for Death. He could just tell.

First off, his alarm woke him up an hour early. And that, considering he only got about an hour of sleep every night, was a bad thing.

Then his electric razor broke halfway through the shave. Also a bad thing. He didn't feel like having uneven stubble.

Then he cut himself with the straight razor. It went deep, and got blood all over the place. At least he got his shave done, though.

Then he tripped over his own wings. A very bad thing, considering that he could have broken them, and then he would only be able to travel and walk, which, considering how inaccurate traveling was, would cause him to be late, which was bad, especially if the Elders found out.

Then he banged his head in the doorway. That just hurt.

It was shaping up to be a terrible, horrible, very bad day.

His first, second, third, fourth...awww, buck it, most of his appointments were in Canterlot. He didn't like Canterlot. It meant he had to be closer to Celestia. He and Celestia didn't get along too well.

When he got to Canterlot, he was immediately bombarded by the shiny gold, silver, bronze, and random pastel colors throughout the city. He wasn't used to bright colors. He was monochromatic, himself.

He spilled coffee on his cloak. He liked the cloak, and it would have to be dry cleaned, in a very specific way so that the magical fibers didn't cause sudden nuclear fallout.

Well, turned out that Fate decided to screw around with him today, because she suddenly scheduled a small plague in the green district of Canterlot. Plenty of fatalities. More work for Death.

It was shaping up to be a terrible, horrible, very bad day.

As soon as he got to the green district, he noticed something. Celestia was there. He tried to cloak himself, but he didn't do it fast enough. She saw him.

"Hello, Awry," she said. "Fancy meeting you here. Rather strange, though."

Death sighed. This would not be fun.

"I agree. It is strange that you would meet me here, especially seeing as how there wasn't supposed to be a bloody plague in one of the most heavily populated parts of Canterlot today, but Fate sure seems to enjoy screwing with me, and making my job harder. How are you, anyways, Celly?"

"Do not call me Celly, Sir Awry Dusk."

"Well, we're both immortals, here, and you don't seem to care about titles, so why should I?"

"You are not an alicorn."

"So what? I'm Death, and Death just so happens to be a pegasus. That doesn't change the fact that we're pretty much equals."

"We are soooooo not equals, Awry. I am the queen of Equestria."

"I am the king of spirit gathering, and, technically, you are a princess. Try harder."

"I control the power of the sun."

"I can control shadows, and I'm in full control of harvesting."

"...I can use magic."

"What do you think all of the crap the Elders gave me is? What, cloaking, seeing, traveling, harvesting. Try again, Celly."

"Well...I'm thousands of years old!"

"We both know I'm older than you, if only by a couple hundred or so years. I was already two hundred thirty when you were born! In fact, I was doing my job. I was there."

"...Fine, Awry. We are effectively equals. Just don't get all cocky about it...you were at my birth?"

"Yes. I don't feel like talking about it. And I promise not to get cocky like all the other thousand times we've had this conversation."

Celestia cringed at the memory of all those other run ins, or possibly at the fact that Death had been there at her birth.

Death smirked. "My point proven. Well, if you'll excuse me, I have a job to do. You just quarantine this so I don't have to work even harder. I'm not having such a good day. Oh, and say hello to your sister for me. At least she's reasonable."

And with that, he cloaked himself, and walked into the green district.

Eh, maybe this day did have a few highlights.

The first thing he noticed about the plagued district was the lack of dead bodies everywhere. Must not be a particularly nasty plague. Maybe he could get off easier this time...wait...no. Death was sensing spirits. A lot of them. So much for easy.

Unfortunately, Fate had him especially in mind, as she made the virus hang around the air and dampen his, and only his, magical senses. Great.

For lack of a better method, Death resorted to searching house to house, harvesting whatever spirits he found. Now, lucky for him, this is not a very morbid task. He simply passes the spirit along into the afterlife. Simple...ish. It was a rather annoying job, too, especially when the spirits didn't want to go, which happened nine out of ten times.

This time, it just so happened that the rich, snobby, stuck up and spoiled rotten ponies that inhabited most of the green district didn't want to leave their 'hard earned' riches behind. Death actually had to leave a few in Limbo, to walk Equis for all eternity.

It was shaping up to be a terrible, horrible, very bad day.

Well, now that he was done here he could go sort out Fate's mess over at the rapid transit station. She accidentally set up a loaded train to crash into the chestnut processing plant instead of the empty one she should have destroyed. Twenty possible unscheduled deaths. Dear Elders, Fate, how horrible could you be? But the upside of this was that he would be able to see her face when the Elders told her off. She would lose a whole level of independence. They might even make her traveling as inaccurate as his! That would serve her right.

Death would rather not have to clean up after her, though. Twenty...he didn't like two digit numbers when it came to work. It was a bad thing. And from the report now floating in front of him, his terrible, horrible, very bad day wasn't over yet...

A Rather Awkward Run-in with Fate

Death stared out at the great field stretched out in front of him...well, technically, it was a small courtyard in the middle of Canterlot, but at the moment it could have been the largest field in Equestria, for right at its center was one of the things he loved most.

"Chocolate!"

The red stallion behind the counter of the concession stand was mocking him with his cries of "Chocolate! Fresh chocolate here!" Death could just tell. The only thing Death wanted right now was some of the sweet, nutty, unfortunately tooth decaying decadence known as chocolate.

He remembered when ponies had first discovered how to make chocolate. It was like they had hit gold. Dark, brown, delicious gold. Everypony started trying to make it, so long as they had nothing more important to do. It was heaven for ponies like Death, who simply craved the stuff.

Unfortunately, it came to a rather abrupt end when almost every foal in Equestria had dentures. Wooden teeth, really, with springs in them. And the things had a nasty habit of snapping down on their own, often times cutting off lips and tounges in the process.

But none of that mattered, because now he was on the job, and, due to the enormously long line in front of the concession stand, did not have time to indulge himself in that sweet, melty candy.

It was all a bunch of horseapples.

And so continued Death's terrible, horrible, very bad day.

As he walked through the square, trying desperately to keep his mind off of the treat he was missing out on, Death thought about why he couldn't snack. Fate had, once again, screwed him over with one of her mistakes. A molasses factory had somehow been set ablaze. That made three horrible incidents in one day, possibly counting. Death had always known that Fate had it in for him. He just never knew the extent to which she was willing to go. Massacring dozens of ponies a day just to make his job harder was unacceptable. What was worse was that the Elders seemed to believe her when she shrugged them off as accidents. It was just terrible.

Trotting out of the square, he looked to the skies. He knew that Fate's brother, Destiny, had scheduled a fly over by the Wonderbolts. It was an elaborate advertisement gig, but an effective and fun one, at that. Sure enough, five ponies dressed up in the trademark Wonderbolts jumpsuits flew overhead, the crowd gasping as they spelled out the name of their troupe in trails of smoke in the sky. It was a magnificent display, really. Destiny had done a great job planning it out.

Once the show had finished. Death trotted on, cloaking himself as he drew nearer to his destination. It didn't take long for him to see the hulking, blackened husk of the factory in front of him. It was teeming with spirits, all complaining, whining, and just being miserable. Understandable, considering that they had all just burnt to death.

"Excuse me," shouted Death, stepping into what was left of the building. "If I could have your attention, please?"

The ghostly workers all turned to him, wondering just who this strange cloaked stallion was. To most of them, he looked like some kind of sad renaissance fair reject.

One of the spectres stepped forward. Unlike the rest of the ghosts, who were wearing face masks, hair nets and stark white uniforms, this stallion wore nothing but a faded green baseball cap, although it could have been a very light blue, as all of him had gained a somewhat transparent green tinge.

"And who are you?" asked the stallion, looking somewhat peeved. "'Cause I'm not happy right now, and I don't feel like talking go strangers."

Awry stared at the pony in front of him, contemplating whether or not he should talk to this ghost or just send him on his way.

"Well," he said, holding out his hoof, "you can call me Death."

"Oh!" said the stallion, a sudden look of rage coming over his face. "So all this is your fault, huh?!"

"Sir please, I-"

"I had a family, you know! Almost all of us did! And now we aren't going home to them, thanks to you. How do you even sleep at night? What did you just wake up this morning and say 'oh, gee, let's burn a few ponies alive today'? Is this your idea of fun? Is it? Because that is bucked up, mist-"

"SHUT UP," Death boomed, his voice resounding throughout the factory. The stallion, who he had guessed was the factory manager, clearly had plenty to say to him, but he was hardly in the mood to hear it. "You clearly do not understand my job, sir. You can blame all of your untimely deaths on my colleague, Fate, who is angry with me right now. I just send you off to the afterlife, where you can all be happy, and have a great time waiting for your loved ones to follow you, or maybe you can get reborn, if you don't like making a sweet, sticky condiment for a living. However, should you so choose, I could just leave you here, to walk Equis for all eternity, alone, maybe having fun scaring the living hay out of living ponies. Now, do you have any questions? No? Then let's begin."

A few hours later, Death was finished sending all of the disgruntled workers into the afterlife, with the exception of a few who were obviously crazed sadists who decided that they wanted to stick around and buck with superstitious ponies. None had caused as much trouble as the manager, so it had gone rather smoothly. In fact, everything had gone better than expected.

As he rounded a corner, Awry was met with the sight of somepony that he really hadn't wanted to run into today. He would have tried cloaking, but she would have been able to see him anyways, so he didn't bother.

The cream colored mare turned to look at him, her dark maroon mane swinging in her face, its slight curls bouncing in the air. She wore a maroon cape that matched her mane, and was trimmed in gold embroidery. She was really beautiful, but that didn't matter right now. What mattered was that she had a bone to pick with Death, and he was about to hear a lot from her.

"Hello, Death."

"Hello, Fate."

The two ponies stood in the street, staring at each other. Neither was too happy with the other, and this probably wouldn't turn out well

Another event to add to the list of Death's terrible, horrible, very bad day.

Fate was the first to break the silence.

"So, Awry," she said, unmistakable ire in her voice. "How has your day been?"

"Oh, you know, Sunny, terrible...mostly because of you."

If looks could kill, then the Elders would be looking for job applicants already.

"Can we take this somewhere private, Fate?"

"We could simply cloak and have all the privacy we needed.

"The novelty of talking in a room hasn't faded over the years."

"True," Fate replied, grinning. "Too bad one can't same the same for your personality."

"That is also your fault, Fate. Now, if you don't mind..."

With a stomp of Death's hoof, the two ponies found themselves in a small office. It had a desk, an empty bookshelf, a chair, and a lone window, through which snow could be seen twirling madly through the air.

"Impressive," said Fate, looking around the room as Death took a seat. "It seems that somepony has been learning, for once."

Death looked at his colleague from his desk, watching her every move. He had learnt not to trust Fate a long time ago.

"Well," fate said, leaning herself against the desk. "You wanted to talk to me, right? Shoot."

"It's about several recent incidents..."

"Dear gods, Awry, are you upset about the molasses factory? That was an accident. I already told the Elders that."

Death sighed. Fate could be a real pain in the behind sometimes.

"That isn't true, and we both know it," he said, glaring at the mare in front of him. "I understand that you're angry, but two thousand years is a little long to hold a grudge, Fate."

At this Fate turned, the smug look that she had adopted before replaced now by a look of pure hatred.

"Angry? Angry!? I'm sorry, Awry, but angry doesn't begin to cover it. You crushed me, along with all of the dreams I ever had of living a normal life. That, I refuse to forgive you for."

Awry frowned. He knew what Fate was talking about, and she was right. What he had done had destroyed Fate, and he still hadn't quite forgiven himself for doing it. But what Fate was doing was wrong, too, and this time the ponies that they were sworn to protect were being caught in the crossfire.

"Sunlight, I'm sorry. I am so sorry. But I cannot allow you to keep killing innocent ponies just to get back at me. We can settle this some other time, but not now. Not like this."

Awry looked his colleague in the eyes, and he no longer saw hatred there, nor contempt. Now all that was left was sorrow, pain. Pain that he knew he had caused.

"Fate, I-"

"No, Awry!" Fate screamed, tears flowing from her eyes. "I don't need your pity. I don't want it. You were my best friend. You were everything. And then you wouldn't let me go. You were too selfish to see me go! I wanted out, I didn't want to be some estranged, supernatural being anymore. I wanted to live a normal life, Awry. And because of you, I was denied that."

Memories flooded Awry's mind.

He was in the main hall of the Cerrerium, standing in front of the Elders, his employers. Their frail, bony bodies stood upon mahogany pedestals, and they peered through slitted eyes at the scene in front of them.

To his right, he saw Fate, her shining, beautiful mane flowing in an unfelt breeze. Next to her stood her brother, Destiny, his unkempt orange mess of a mane jutting out in all directions, his thick glasses leaning askew on his muzzle. To his left sat frail Tragedy, who was curled up on the floor, asleep. He had already given his testimony, and did not see any point in staying awake for the rest of the ceremony.

Suddenly, the Elder to the farthest left spoke, his surprisingly deep, throaty voice echoing through the hall.

"Awry Dusk, Death. What is your say? We must have an answer, in favor or against. This must be a unanimous decision in favor for this action to be taken, Sir Death, and that cannot be the case without your vote."

Death gulped, searching desperately around the room. When his eyes settled on Fate, he saw her silently pleading, hope filling her eyes.

He continued to stare at his friend, thinking about how this decision would effect both of them. This was her last chance to appeal. It was an extremely important occasion. Finally, he turned to the Elders' pedestals.

"I have come to a verdict, O Mighty Ones."

"And...?"

Death inhaled deeply, thinking about what he was about to do.

"I, Awry Dusk, Sentinel of Spirits..."

He looked once more to Fate, oh beautiful, wonderful Fate. His colleague. His friend.

"...cannot advise the release of Dancing Sunlight from the office of Fate."

He heard Fate and Destiny gasp, and Tragedy stirred in his sleep. Even the elders seemed shocked with his verdict.

"W-well then," said the leftmost Elder, stammering. "W-we will respect your decision, Sir Death." With this, he turned to Fate, frowning in sympathy for her. "Miss Dancing Sunlight, your request to be relieved of office has been denied. Adjourned!"

As the Elders enveloped themselves in magic, preparing to return to their meditation, Death turned, just in time to see Fate running out out of the hall door, slamming it behind her. She hadn't said a word, but he knew the damage was done.

Snapping out the memory, Death looked at Fate, who was still crying.

"Fate," he said, stepping toward her. "I'm sorry. I was afraid."

"Of what!?"

Death looked at the floor, frowning in shame.

"I...I was afraid of losing you. Forever. That...I just couldn't bear the thought of it. I wouldn't have admitted it, but I needed you, Sunlight. You kept me going."

Sunlight looked up, walking to the window. The storm was still buffeting the cabin, and the entire window was now frosted over.

"Y'know, I've never understood why you live here, Awry. It's so cold, so lonely..."

"Heh," Awry chuckled, joining Fate at the window. "It fits me, I guess. Besides, I like it here on the mountain. It's beautiful, in its own way."

"Yeah, it is...I suppose it really does fit you, Awry."

Death stared out the window silently, breathing slowly.

"Sooo," he said, stretching his neck. "We done talking?"

"Yep."

"No more 'accidents'?"

"No more accidents."

Death turned to face Fate, holding out his hoof.

"Truce?"

Fate looked at him, smiling. Suddenly, Death found himself trapped in a hug, the likes of which he hadn't been the recipient of for millennia.

"Absolutely, Awry."

"Uh, well...um...that was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be."

"Oh, believe me, I'm still angry with you. I just miss...I missed you."

Death sighed. He had missed her too. He had run into Fate several times over the years, but it had never felt like her. But now she was back.

"Yeah...you can let go now...please?"

Fate removed her forelegs from around Death, turning toward the door.

"That felt good. I'll show myself out."

"Bye."

Death watched as Fate stepped out the office door, closing it behind her as she walked into the cramped hallway outside. He smiled, returning to his seat. His day had just taken a good turn.

Suddenly, another report materialized over his desk, appearing in a plume of green flame and floating in front if him. This wasn't a job, though.

It was a wrong number.

Time Travel Pt. 1

Death walked through Ponyville, searching for the town's library. Despite how small the town seemed, one could quite easily get lost in its twisting streets, and there were far too many ponies crowding the town than could possibly live there.

Finally, after weaving through several large crowds and buying some (admittedly delicious) cookies from three small fillies who had stopped him in the street, he saw the great tree, towering over the surrounding buildings. As he approached it, he cloaked. He figured he might as well have a little fun while he was here.

Death walked through the library's door, closing it quietly. He immediately sensed something was wrong. For one thing, his greatest annoyance was standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by six other mares.

"...And I have decided that it is of the utmost importance that we retrieve her, and I believe that, with my student's help, we can find a way to do it."

Death stepped up next to Princess Celestia, observing the mares that surrounded her. They all looked familiar, mainly because he had been in Destiny's office when his friend was working out their roles. They and Tragedy had been placing bets on whether or not Fate would crush their hopes and dreams before they got to this point. In the case that that happened, Destiny had backups in place.

Suddenly, Celestia's ears perked up, and her gaze drifted down toward where he stood. Looking back to the Element holders, she spoke.

"Girls," she said, addressing them, "I'm afraid that Death walks amongst us."

"Now, Princess, Ah'll admit that these here are some troublin' times, but that's pretty darned grim," said one of the mares. She was bright orange, and had a deep blonde mane.

The princess grimaced, looking back at Death.

"I am sorry to say it, Applejack, but I did not mean that metaphorically."

Death walked into the center of the circle of ponies, uncloaking. A collective gasp filled the room, accompanied by a rather loud groan emitted from Celestia.

A purple unicorn stepped forward, squinting at Death, as if she were trying to tell if he were real or not.

"He wasn't there before," she said, stating the obvious. From what Death knew, she probably had a knack for that.

"No, I wasn't," Death replied, grinning. This would be fun.

The mare in front of him seemed to space out, her mind obviously reeling as she tried to comprehend his sudden existence.

"You...are real, right?"

"Of course," said Death.

"B-but that is simply impossible. Any sort of invisibility spell takes a huge amount of magical might, and you...you're a pegasus!"

"Well, I'm here, aren't I?"

"I-I...uh...?"

Twilight Sparkle looked to her princess, an extremely confused look plastered to her face. This pony was an anomaly in all that she considered real and possible, and that did not mesh with her.

"Awry," the Princess warned, glaring at him. This didn't bother him in the least. It wasn't the first time Celestia had been upset with him.

"Oh!" Awry exclaimed, a faux look of worry coming over his face. "Where are my manners? I think I left them in the ninth century. My name is Awry Dusk..." With this he extended a hoof, which Twilight shook eagerly.

"Well, It's wonderful to meet you, Mister Dusk! My name is-"

"...But, due to business standards, you can simply call me Death, Miss Sparkle."

Twilight quickly withdrew her hoof, holding it gingerly against her chest. She looked frightened.

"Twilight," said Celestia, still staring down Awry. "There is no need to be afraid of Awry. He is absolutely harmless."

"Oh, Celly," said Death, looking over his shoulder at the Princess. "We both know that isn't true."

Celestia leered at him, a slight growl emanating from her through.

"Now, Twilight Sparkle," he said, looking back to Celestia's most faithful student, "I have not come to cause you harm in any fashion. I just came to return your friendship report, here." He rematerialized the piece of parchment, giving to her. "I'm afraid you may have accidentally sent it to the wrong address."

Twilight looked at the letter in disbelief. Little did Death know, but a certain young dragon would be going over just how to send a letter properly later that evening.

"Thank you, Awry," said Celestia. "Now, if your business is done here-"

"No no no. This is far too interesting. Besides, I need an excuse to take a break. So, what's the lowdown?"

Celestia rolled her eyes before responding.

"Awry, you may not involve yourself in this. That is an order."

"And who are you to be giving me orders?"

"Oh hoho, Awry, we have had this conversation before, an-"

"Yes, in fact we had it this morning, and we both agreed that I was your superior."

"No, I simply stated that you were effectively my equal and...I'd rather not go through this in front of my student."

"No, no, do go on," Twilight piped up, her head cocked to one side. "This is interesting!"

Death was hovering now so that he could look at Celestia face to face.

"See?" he said, smiling. "Go on."

"Well...fine. I still believe that I am superior to you."

"Really? How so?"

"Well...I'm...I'm taller than you."

Death backed away from Celestia, landing.

"That's a low blow, Princess."

"I'm sorry, Awry," Celestia grinned. "But I'm afraid that's the only kind of blow I can deliver to somepony of your stature."

"Well," said Awry flying circles around Celestia. "I'm still older than you."

At this point, Twilight Sparkle stepped in again, giggling.

"That," she said, looking at Death, "is impossible. Celestia has been around since the Universe was created!"

Celestia groaned and covered her eyes with her wings.

"Well, no, actually," said Death, turning to Twilight, "She has been around since a while before this speck of a planet was made, but, while this is currently the only inhabited planet in the Universe—and trust me, if Destiny has his way, that won't be the case for long—the whole Universe has been around waaayyy longer than you could wrap your little pony mind around. Although I'll admit that I am only a few hundred years older than her."

Twilight Sparkle backpedalled, looking to her mentor for guidance.

Celestia frowned. "What Awry says is true, Twilight...and I am extremely annoyed with him for mentioning it."

"Pfft," Death smiled. This was going in his favor. "Your turn."

Celestia stared daggers at him, frowning deeply. "I am an Alicorn, and hence of a superior race to you!"

Death landed again, chuckling. "I'm sorry, Princess," he said with a smile, "but I'm going to have to write that off as a tad racist."

Now a Cyan mare walked up. She had an extremely unique milticolored mane, and a rather gruff voice.

"I'm going to have to agree with the albino on that one, Princess. Not cool."

Death turned on the newcomer, clearly very upset. His blank eyes were glowing slightly.

"I," he said, hovering just above the ground, "Am not. AN ALBINO."

Death hated being called an albino.

The Cyan mare, who's name Death knew to be Rainbow Dash, squealed, quickly letting out a stream of apologies. When she was done, Death alighted in front of the Princess again.

"Now," he said, "I want to know what's happening."

"Fine," said Celestia, giving in. "As of late, my sister has been...researching certain spells. Namely time altering ones. I believe that she may have accidentally..."

"Yeeess?"

"...Transported herself to the mid seventeenth century."

Death stared at Celestia, a look of pure disbelief on his face.

"...Huh...oh, well...gee." Death rubbed the back of his neck with a hoof, staring at the floor. "She could've at least said hi to me before disappearing."

Celestia sighed. Luna and Awry had always gotten along well. While he was her annoyance, he was almost like a big brother to Luna. He had been among the first to speak out when Celestia had banished Nightmare Moon, though he knew full well the circumstances that had led to the incident.

"Well," she said, "I have told you what is happening, now go on, leave."

"No."

"What?"

Death Casually strolled into a space between Applejack and Rainbow Dash, both of whom edged carefully away from him.

"I'm wanna help get Luna back," he said defiantly. "And there is nothing you can do about it."

Celestia bit her lip. She was quite clearly losing her patience with the entity who had barged in on her meeting.

"Fine!" she said turning to Twilight Sparkle. "I believe that you understand what needs to be done."

Twilight nodded, her horn beginning to glow with magic. Then the mare by the name of Rarity joined, and then Celestia. Death also joined in, his eyes aglow as magic flowed through him and into the spell matrix. He hadn't studied the spell, though, and was merely lending his magic to the process.

The other mares in the room paced eagerly (aside from an energetic pink one who had been staring at Awry and bouncing up and down since he had appeared. This pony wore an impossibly wide grin on her face, which actually startled Death quite a bit).

Suddenly there was a bright  flash, and then the world went black around them, the darkness enveloping them from nose to tail. Then another flash, and they were surrounded by a lush, vibrant forest, standing in a clearing around a small sapling.

"Oof." Death groaned. His head was throbbing, and he felt as if he would fall down at any moment. Steadying himself, he looked up at Celestia, grinning. "Oi," he said, shaking his head. "Those time travel spells sure take a lot out of you, don't they?"

Celestia didn't respond, but simply stared straight in front of her, standing completely still. At first, Death didn't understand why the Princess was acting like this. Then he saw why.

As he looked around him, he saw that the group was surrounded by glowing, feline eyes, staring at them from the darkness. Then, a figure stepped out into the clearing, revealing a smug, fanged face, on top of which sat tall, strangely shaped ears. The were wings folded against the creature's side, leathery and dark.

"Gee," he said, blinking a few times, "bat ponies."

And so continued Death's horrible, terrible, very bad day.