Chapter IIView OnlineMy Life As an Underappreciated Ponyville NurseChapter III set my clipboard down on the counter near the sink and glance back to the stallion sitting in the examination chair. "Well, Mr. Berry, I'm surprised. In all honesty, you're the healthiest pony I've ever seen." A smile formed on his face. "Really? You're being serious?" "I did say 'in all honesty'." "It's just that I've been having trouble breathing lately, and my dad had lung cancer, so I was worried that I might be developing the same thing." He laughed. "I'm glad I have nothing to worry about!" "Oh, I never said that." His smile began to fade. "What?" "There's definitely a greater risk of you getting lung cancer because your father had it, so just because you don't have it right now doesn't mean you can just sit back, relax, and assume you'll be good for life." His face morphed into one of worry. "But...you said I was the healthiest pony you'd ever seen." I shrugged. "I lied. So sue me." "Did you lie about me not having cancer?" "No sir, that's not something I would lie about." I glanced at the clipboard, then reached behind me and picked it up. "Oh, would you look at that. I read it wrong." I looked back up at him. "Yeah, you totally have cancer." "What the hell?!" He stood and started to walk out of the room, glaring at me as he passed. "You're a horrible doctor! I'm going to Princess Twilight so she can cure my cancer." When he's gone, I roll my eyes. "First of all, I'm a nurse, not a doctor. Second, the Princess can't cure cancer, stupid." I shake my head slightly. "Nopony gives me the respect I deserve."
Chapter IIIView OnlineMy Life As an Underappreciated Ponyville NurseChapter IIII heard a faint knock upon the door to my examination room. I sat my Ponik's Cube down and trotted over leisurely to open it. Standing in front of me was a purple mare with a boring mane, violet eyes, and wings that aren't so awesome as ponies say they are. "Hey, Nurse Redheart," Twilight said in a gross nasally voice. "Um...I think I'm sick." "Your voice sounds gross," I informed her nicely. "You should maybe do something about that." She smiled, even though it made her look like a schmuck. Is that the right word? Probably. "Yeah, I'm here to do something about it." I rolled my eyes. "Well, that was stupid of you. You can't come here without an appointment, even if you are a princess." Twilight's smile got a little bit bigger. Seriously, does she not get that I don't like her? "You're right, Nurse. Sorry, I'll go back out to the waiting room." "Couldn't you just use magic to cure yourself?" Twilight laughed sheepishly. "Um...unfortunately, no. There...aren't really any spells that cure sicknesses. Unless you go to Zecora, but I don't feel well enough to trek all the way through the Everfree Forest..." What. A. B*tch. "Sit down," I said, gesturing to the examination table. "I mean, you're already here. Might as well." "Is that really logical?" Twilight asked. Nonetheless, she clopped over to the table and took a seat on it. "There are other ponies waiting, right?" "Nah, probably not." I shrugged. "But that didn't stop you from sitting down anyway, did it?" I grabbed my clipboard and scrawled Twilight's name across the top. "I'm going to list off some things to you, alright?" Twilight nodded. "Okay." "Sneezing?" "Sometimes." I nodded and checked a box off on the paper. "Coughing?" "Excessively." "Mm hm. Watering eyes?" "Yes." "Nausea?" "No." "Swelling anywhere?" "No." "Any burns?" "What? No. I'm pretty sure I just have a cold." I snorted. "Yeah, I'll be the one to decide that, Princess. Lastly, are you having hallucinations?" "What?" "Y'know, hallucinations," I said, waving one of my forehooves around. "Seeing things that aren't there." "I know what hallucinations are," Twilight said, looking confused. God, she can't even admit when she's wrong, huh? She obviously doesn't know what hallucinations are. "But no, I'm not having them." "I see." I stared at the paper for a minute, then set the clipboard aside. "Well, Princess, I've made my assessment." "Yes?" "You've got a common cold." Twilight's ears flopped to her side, and her red watery eyes became half-lidded. "...Nurse, I came here because I knew that already. Do you have any medicine I could use?" "No. I'm afraid that all you can do is keep yourself hydrated, eat soup, and get plenty of rest. How hellish that must be for you." Twilight made a slightly funny face, like she wasn't exactly sure what I was saying and trying to cover up the fact that she was making such a face. Seriously, she's not as smart as everypony thinks she is. I mean, she can barely understand what I'm saying. "...Well, I did have a lot of stuff to get done this weekend...and a picnic to go to...but I'm sure I can reschedule things and make it all work for me." She beamed at me. "If you say I need rest, then believe me, I'm going to get rest!" "...Right. Well, now that we know what's wrong with you, you're free to go. So leave." Twilight didn't seem to pick up that fact that I simply didn't want her there, but she got up and headed out the door. "Thank you so much, Nurse," she said, smiling at me again. "I barely did anything. Really, you wasted your time coming here," I informed her. "Goodbye." I slammed my door in her face, then picked up the Ponik's Cube and sat down on the table to finish what I had started before I was so rudely interrupted. When I had been assured that she was gone by the sound of her hooves clopping further away, I glared up at the door. "You dumb b*tch." Author's Note My Redheart seems like a piece of work, doesn't she?
Chapter IVView OnlineMy Life As an Underappreciated Ponyville NurseChapter IVI poured soap into the sink in my office and turned the water on, filling the metal basin with tons of little bubbles. "Oh yeah," I said, sticking my hooves into the pure bubbliness. "That's what I'm talking about." I started flinging soap into the air and smacking it with my hooves, when I heard another knock on the door. "Better not be Twilight again," I muttered, trotting over to the door as slowly as I could. Upon opening it, I found a sad looking stallion with droopy green eyes standing outside. His mane was scraggly and black, and his coat was a semi-dark shade of brown. He wore a red tie, and his cutie mark was of a basket. "Can I help you?" I asked, even though I seriously didn't care. "I think so," he said, his voice sounding pathetic. "Come on in," I said, ushering him into my office and guiding him to the examination chair. He made a weird face and looked down at the floor. "What did I just step in?" "That would be soap bubbles, sir." "Why are there bubbles on the floor?" "Because I filled my sink with them and was playing with them. Got a problem with that?" He shrank back a little. "N-no..." He slid up onto the chair and started fiddling with his tie. I grabbed my clipboard. "What's your name?" He looked up at me. "Huh?" "Your name. I need to know it. What is it?" "Oh." He looked back down at his tie. "Basket. Basket Case." "I see." I scribbled his name at the top of a new patient sheet. "And what seems to be the problem with you?" He sighed, long and dramatically. "I was...hoping you could tell me that." I narrowed my eyes at him. He sighed again. "Well...you see...a couple of weeks ago, I went on this date with a school teacher that my friend's girlfriend told me about. She was really pretty, and I really liked her, but..." He shrugged. "...I guess I said something wrong, because she left before the date was over and hasn't talked to me since. Whenever we see each other around town, she always avoids me." I nodded and made a note on my paper. "What do you think you said wrong?" He shrugged again. "I...may have said that her dress was ugly. That's it though! I was just trying to save her from having to wear something so ugly again." He thought for a moment. "...Also, I may or may not have pooped in her bed." I nodded again. "I don't see why she was bothered by that. Obviously you were just trying to help her out. But...the poop in her bed..." "Yeah?" "That's not something any mare will find attractive under any circumstances." He wilted. "It's...it's not?" I shook my head. "On the contrary, everything else you did was perfectly acceptable. She must have been an idiot for getting mad at you. Just find a new mare." He blinked. "...A new mare?" "Indeed. A new mare worthy of a stallion as great as you." A smile crossed his face. "Thank you, doctor!" "I'm a nurse." "Oh." "Also," I set my clipboard down. "Sorry to sound rude, but next time you're having mare troubles, don't come to the doctor's office for help. That's just stupid." He nodded. "Don't worry, I didn't find that to be rude. Also," he gestured to his face. "I have this sinus infection that just will not go away." "Alright." I wrote a prescription for an antibiotic on his chart. "Give this to the pharmacy." He took the paper gratefully, still smiling. "Thank you!" "No problem." He slid off the chair and trotted out the door. Another nurse passed by him, to which he said, "I have a sinus infection." I smiled. "I don't know why, but I like that Basket Case. I guess it's because he actually gives me the appreciation I deserve."
Chapter IView OnlineMy Life As an Underappreciated Ponyville NurseChapter II stared at the odd spectacle in front of me, not really sure what to make of the situation. “Please, nurse, help us!” One of the unicorns, a mare, begged me in a tone that shouted: “I can’t be stuck with these ponies anymore!” Yes, I said stuck. Because they were, in fact, somehow all stuck in a ginormous sweater which seemed to be alive. And digesting them. Eh, I’ve seen weirder things. I pulled a clipboard from one of the counters and looked at a random list of symptoms for something. “Any swelling?” “What?” “Any burns?” “What are you talking about?” “Any rashes?" "What?" "Ma'am, I'm trying to help you, but if you will not accept my help, I'm afraid I might make a diagnosis that isn't quite true." I tapped the clipboard. "Now, answer my questions. Any swelling?" "I...I don't think so." "Any burns?" "Um...maybe? It's kind of hard to tell..." The mare tried to look at her back hooves, but found that she couldn't because of the sweater's internal organs surrounding them. "W-we'll go with 'yes'." I made a note on my clipboard. "Any rashes?" "No." "See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" I handed off the clipboard to a passing doctor. "Because of the information you were able to give me, I've written a diagnosis that cannot possibly be incorrect." "What did it say?" "'Mare and several other ponies being digested by ginormous living sweater.'" The mare glared at me. "Couldn't you have written that just by looking at us?!" "I wanted to make sure I was getting all the right information before I made that assumption." "None of the questions you asked related to my situation in any way!" "You don't know that." "I DO KNOW THAT!!!" "Listen, ma'am, I know what I'm doing. I assure you those questions were essential for diagnosing your situation." "Trust me, they weren't!" "Ma'am, if you're going to give me an attitude, I might just send you to a different hospital." "Whatever!" The mare huffed and began dragging her and the sweater towards the exit. "I'll just go to Princess Twilight and her friends! They can blast the sweater right off!" I stared at them until they were gone, then sighed. "Honestly, ponies don't respect me as much as they should."
