Lets Take a "Bite" Into a Lovely Afternoon
"Dude, you see anything?" cautiously whispered Jacob, his dark blue skinny jeans and tight nike hoodie greatly challenging his ability to maintain the awkward crouching position he was currently in.
"Yeah, these nuts on your chin," replied Alex in dismissal as he continued to look into the window of Fluttershy's cottage, his New York Yankees cap and full Adidas track suit supplying him much more comfort in contrast.
He grasped the HD, 18-135mm, SONY brand camera around his neck while intently inspecting the interior of the enclosure, Fluttershy being nowhere in sight.
"Bro code: green, stand by for infiltration!" he alerted to his half-suffocated friend.
Jacob looked on as his pal proceeded to barge into the cottage as if he were a police man on the verge of rekting some crazy drug addict. Afterwards, sounds of chairs, pans, and many other gadgets of the home being thrown against walls, swimming pools, and what seemed to be a full drum-set reached his ears.
The wacky noises however, were soon ended by a lively "bingo!" as Alex reemerged from the innermost parts of the ransacked cottage.
He directed Jacob a toothy smile as he displayed the goods which he held in a colorful bag.
200% flesh free, crystallized bear nip
"Awww dude! This is gonna be priceless!" excitedly beamed Alex at his own discovery.
"Hehe totally, bro!" replied Jacob as he marbled the essential ingredient for their biggest skit yet. "But uuh.." he began.
"..are you sure we should be exploiting Fluttershy's kindness like this?" he worried.
"The only thing I'm currently exploiting are these swollen nuts on your chin, now c'mon bro! We gotta get a move on!" answered Alex as he began to dart towards the Everfree Forest. Jacob shrugged and followed after him, his tight attire gently tingling his fuckboy essence with every stride.
Along the way, the boys made vulgar penis remarks regarding the weird shaped trees, Jacob soon encountering an imprint on a tree which resembled a face frozen in screech, words also being carved above the face.
Beware the claws of the forest beast
The two boys inspected the face, Jacob mysteriously beggining to crack up which left Alex in anticipation to a funny joke.
"When she continuously fondles the phallus member with her oral aperture despite the clear disposal of seminal fluids!" he joked while pointing at the face.
"Bro, what?" asked Alex as he failed to understand. He had been called a twelve year old skrub over Xbox live so many times, that his brain began to take on the form of what seemed to be him fucking your mom.
"Nothing, bro.." replied Jacob as they both resumed their walk.
After a while, they arrived at the designated clearing, a wide cave and few pile of bones being what greeted them from the other side. Adele reference wildly intended.
Alex passed Jacob the bag and began to work on the camera. Jacob tried his hardest not to giggle as he hurriedly skittered into the middle of the clearing and dumped the whole bag. He then, retreated back to the bush from where he emerged.
Obnoxious giggling and hardly intelligeble "shh" noises filled their immediate proximity as they peeked into the clearing intently. Jacob grabbed a wide plank and completely smothered it in whip cream, Pinkie Pie physics utilized to do so. So don't ask.
They boys listened as grumbling noises began to emerge from the cave, the noise soon being accompanied by the grotesque sight of an enormous bear.
The apex predator strode dominantly over to the crystallized nip as if he knew that this was meant for none other than his own mighty claws. Then, with a powerful roar as to alert other creatures of his claim, the bear began to roughly lick up the nip.
"Dude, now!" sharply muttered Alex as he began to record.
In response, Jacob darted towards the bear and raised the plank over his head while silently giggling.
Thwack!!
Echoed the sound of the plank smashing onto the bears powerful forehead mounds, copious amounts of whip cream splashing all over the behemoths strong neck and jaw line.
"Smack cam!!" declared Jacob amidst cheerful laughter as he turned to run back out of the clearing in triumph.
"HRRGRUUUAAANNH" roared the bear from behind him as it lunged forward and clamped its mighty jaws shut onto Jacobs right shoulder. Blood gushed out rapidly in large quantities as Jacob began to shriek.
Upon witnessing these shockingly unexpected turn of events, Alex's eyes widened and he immediately dropped the camera and ran out into the clearing.
"DUDE, ITS A PRANK, ITS A PRANK!" he frantically yelled amidst the bears snarling and Jacobs agonizing screams. Upon seeing the gushes of blood emanating from his friends shoulder, Alex began to kick the bears head but to no avail, for the mighty harbinger of doom effortlessly shrugged it off.
"ITS JUST A PRANK, BRO!" he continued to scream as he noticed the dark bags which began to form under Jacobs eyes. His punching and kicking became frantic as his friends blood splashed onto his sandals.
Then, with a simple jerking motion of the bears muscular neck, a sharp snapping sound originated from the bloodied shoulder which immediately ceased Jacob's flailing and screaming. His body soon fell motionless to the ground, the bear releasing another venemous growl as it slowly approached its next target.
Alex's petrified body could only do nothing but watch and soak his sweat pants as he looked on in horror, Jacobs body showing no signs of motion whatsoever.
"J-jacob.." he mourned under shaky breaths as the bear continued to close the distance, glaring and snarling dangerously.
Alex was dumbfounded at how insensitive the grizzly beast was. It was just some harmless fun, there was no need to act like some wild animal.. yet his best friends lifeless body now lay a few simple meters away from him. It didn't make sense! All he wanted was to go out for a little mischief, it wasn't hurting anybody! It was just a joke!
It was just..
"..a prank" Alex deafly whispered as he stared into the bears large bloodshot eyes. The terrified young man could do nothing but tightly shut his eyes as he awaited his sorrows to come to a bone crunching end.
However, a few moments of silence ensued before a blinding flash of light tickled his closed eyesockets, beckoning him to open his eyes.
The bear was standing its full twelve feet of height, in its claws residing a small hand camera with its lens extended out.
As Alex's puny brain particles ran on overdrive to decipher what the flying blue hell was happening, a yellow pegasus zoomed into the clearing, stopping only a few mere inches from the shaken young boys face.
"Scare cam!!" she proudly announced, turning momentarily to high hoof the snickering bear.
"W-wha..?" he whimpered, his brain force rushing through countless copies of the same memory which appeared to be a 3D animated model achieving a 360 nollie hardflip off a skateboard. Zooming out back to Alex, one could see that his face clearly had no trace of comprehension as to his current predicament.
"Haha you should've seen your face, dude!" laughed a familiar voice.
Slowly, Alex inched his gaze to what he presumed was his best friend's corpse. He watched as Jacob proceeded to get up and extract a full bottle of smoking jalapeño hot sauce as well as a shattered broom stick out of his hoodie sleeve.
He then high fived both the bear and Fluttershy as he took a peek at the terrifyingly hideous face that currently occupied the camera.
"I can't believe you really peed your pants!" laughed Fluttershy as she descended to the ground laughing.
It was then that Alex realized that he got completely rekt, and in expertly fashion at that.
"Aww not cool, bros!" he complained, the cold slimy feeling of his soaked pants now beginning to make itself known.
"These nuts on your chin aren't cool!" replied Jacob smugly as he and Fluttershy rolled on the floor almost hyperventilating with laughter, the bear simply smiling sheepishly as he watched the madness ensue.
The bears primordial sixth sense however, detected the incoming surge of butthurt energy, and with blinding reflexes he lifted the camera out of reach to negate Alex's amateur attempt to snatch it. And quite amateur it was, for the bear was immediately forced to pat his shoulder to soothe his sad excuse for a movement.
"C' mon bro, I just wanna take a look I swear!" he attempted to persuade, which only earned a solemn look as the bear shook his head.
"Uh oh, somebody call the wambulance!" teased Fluttershy which only added to her and Jacob's dear struggle to hold onto life. Alex frowned as he witnessed even the bear loose control at that one. That darn Fluttershy, he should've never insisted on hanging out with her.
He began to chase them as they skillfully passed the camera between each other, the teamwork they displayed being enough to rival that of any wonderbolt division.
And so, the noob hunter was turned prey and some say that to this very day, Alex has never again dared to imply that his nuts rested on anybodies chin, not even once.
Le Fin
Author's Note
I have hemorrhoids
