Waking up in a strange place, accompanied by strange, borderline hostile beings is not pleasant. Unfortunately, it seems to be a constantly reoccurring event in my life. Indeed, it’s gotten to the point where I can awaken in nearly any position, asses my situation and come up with a plan and witty remark in mere seconds. Alas, what I am about to recount is not one of those situations. For the story I’m about to tell is my first. Or at least the first one I think might be of interest. The first time I awoke in a strange situation, with strange companions, and changed the course of history.
Naturally, the first time was the worst time. Oh, there have been plenty of times with higher stakes, but none with such disorientation, or such a great mystery to solve. And it all began with three voices.
“As I keep on telling ‘ya Dash,” a female voice stated, although her exasperated tone didn’t cover up her accent, “No! I don’t have any idea where we are, and I ain’t no spy.”
I couldn’t see the speaker, actually, I couldn’t see anything, on account of the fact that my eyes were closed.
“Ha! Exactly what I’d expect a spy to say!” The second voice was higher pitched, and faster than the first speaker. “Admit it, you’re a changeling who kidnapped me!”
I took stock of myself. Laying on my back, and really, really sore. I slowly opened my eyes.
“Now see here, darling,” the third voice was more cultured, like the speaker was putting on airs, “Applejack and I are in the same situation as you are. I know you can jump the gun sometimes, but now is not the time to fly off the handle.”
“Uggg…” I groan as the light hit my eyes. Cautiously, I try sitting up. When my vision cleared, I could only have one response. “Bwah?!”
What else could someone say when confronted by three technicolor ponies?
“Careful there, partner,” the orange furred, but blonde maned pony spoke with a shockingly familiar accent, “You’ve been out of it for a while.” She moved forward, and offered me a hoof.
“Why are you being so nice to him, Applejack,” the cyan-colored one with a multi-colored mane chided her. Rainbow Dash, my shocked mind supplied. She was sitting with her forehoves crossed. “For all we know he’s the one who put us here!”
“Darling, I of all ponies have reason to distrust those dogs,” I almost didn’t need to look at her to recognize her, but a look her way proved her white fur and purple mane to be the perfect match for her voice, Rarity, “but even I don’t think this one had anything to do with our current predicament. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been in the same situation we were in, and besides, he’s much too old. Unless you think an old dog could pull one over you, of course.”
“Thank you-“ I stopped almost as soon as I started speaking. My voice was… wrong. It was too deep, it almost had a guttural growing mixed in, and what’s more, it sounded so old. It wasn’t right. While that registered, I was reacting on instinct and took Applejack’s offered hoof and attempted to climb to my feet. I promptly overbalanced and collapsed back to the ground.
“Alright,” Rainbow Dash spoke into the ensuing silence, “maybe you’re right.”
Gingerly, I examined myself, and let out a crooning groan. Long, thick arms, tipped with claws, comparatively short reverse-jointed legs, and a small tail all covered in grey fur, steaked with white belying great age. Then there was the clothing, I was wearing a black Edwardian-style suit-coat, with a black ribbon tie, and a small blue ring on my right paw, as if I was some dandy. But, I was a Diamond Dog. An old Diamond Dog.
“I must have really hit my head.” I spoke, on autopilot, “Who are you, and what are you doing in my…” In my, what? I looked around, the four of us were in a fairly large white room with eight sides, each wall had circular indentations, aside from one which had what appeared to be a television screen, and in the middle of the room was a large octagonal console. All in all, something which I could recognize right away, which lead to the question, why did I consider it mine? My “…TARDIS.”
Rainbow Dash immediately jumped up and pointed an accusing hoof at me. “Ha! So you do know where we are! You’d better return us right away, or I’ll-“
“-You’ll what?” Applejack interrupted, “I’d hardly think beating up an old dog would impress our captors.”
I climbed back to my feet, this time using my arms to help support myself. But I couldn’t help but shake my head at the situation. “This… isn’t possible.” I murmur in my off sounding voice.
Rarity stepped forward, and fluttered her eyes at me. “Please sir, could you tell us where we are, and how we can get back to Ponyville from here?” That… Was probably one of the most disturbing attempts to charm information out of me that anyone’s ever tried.
Maybe I managed to convey that, seeing as how Applejack saved me again. “Rar, maybe we should tone things down a bit.” She moved back in front of me, and offered smile, “Howdy, sir. My name’s Applejack. What’s yours?”
“I’m-“ the words came automatically, and I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “-The Doctor.”
“Doctor who?”
That was one question I wouldn’t mind having answered myself.
But before I could exclaim my surprise at my own automatic response, Applejack continued. “Nice ta meet ya.” She shook my front paw so strongly I winced. She noticed. “Och, sorry! I forget my own strength sometimes.” She gestured to the other two mares, “The Pegasus is Rainbow Dash, and the Unicorn is Rarity. We’re all friends from Ponyville, and I’m sure our other friends are missing us.”
“I’m afraid I don’t know where Ponyville is, Miss Applejack,” I responded formally, “I am not entirely certain where I am right now.”
She frowned, “But, didn’t ya call this place your Tardy or something like that?”
“Yes, this is my Tardis,” I once again automatically claimed this place as my own, but then again, who wouldn’t want their own Tardis? “Unfortunately that gives me less idea of where we are then most would assume.” Or when, which is a very important consideration for a time machine, but I didn’t voice that out loud.
Rainbow Dash snorted, “That doesn’t make any sense! If you own this place, how can you not know what’s just outside that door?!” She gestured at the doors inset to the front wall.
I let out a soft huffing laugh. “Ms. Dash, anything at all could be outside those doors. If I were to open them we could find ourselves on alien sands, in the vacuum of space or in the depths of the ocean.” I carefully walked over to the console in the center of the room. I stared at the controls while I made a slow round of the console and realized that I instinctively knew what each knob, dial and button did, as well as what each of the readouts meant.
“Let’s see. I should be able to get an image of the outside.” I muttered, taking in a few specific readouts, then flicked a switch. The screen opposite the door flickered to life, and started displaying a live picture of a city. It wasn’t a pony-city like I had been half-expecting given my companions and current form, nor was it my home town, which while unlikely, I couldn’t help but hope for.
I let out another laugh as I realized where we were.
Rarity huffed at my laugh, the only one of the three ponies able to tear her gaze away from the monitor. “I hope you realize what a sick joke this is, playing a prank like that.” She berated me, “We are three very important ponies, and our friends will stop at nothing to get us back.”
“A joke?” I repeated, as Applejack and Rainbow Dash both turned to me, anger starting to grow on their features. “This is no joke, miss Rarity. That image is what is outside of this Tardis at this moment.”
Rainbow Dash snorted, “Yeah right! You want us to believe that’s a real image?” She gestured with an accusing hoof at the monitor, where a large city of brick, steel and glass extended around a winding river. “I’ve never even heard of a city that large aside from Manehattan, and that is clearly not Manehattan.”
“No,” I agreed, “That is not Manehattan. It’s London.”
I moved around the console, adjusting some of the dials. With a soft bump the aerial view of the city was replaced by an empty park, a small playground surrounded by trees. Throwing one final switch, the Tardis doors opened. “Feel free to explore, although I warn you that you may attract a fair bit of attention.”
“Ha!” Rainbow Dash charged at the open doors, her wings flaring, “I’ll find Ponyville and be back before you know it!” As soon as she cleared the entryway, she took flight, leaving my gaze.
Applejack and Rarity shared a worried look, before following her out. I just sighed tiredly and pinched my nose, but didn’t voice my frustration.
With another great sigh, I followed them out.
The first thing I noticed as I passed the Tardis threshold was the noise. I was assaulted by a wall of sound, from car horns blaring to industrial machine creaking, it felt like I could hear everything happening in the entire city. With a wince, I tried to tune everything out, only to be assaulted a second time by the smell. I would have gagged if I wasn’t with company, but as it was, I was practically doubled over, trying to process the downright revolting stench of the city. How had I never noticed it before?
“Doctor, are you alright?” Rarity’s concerned voice broke me out of my sense-induced haze.
I straightened up, with a bit of help from an equally concerned Applejack. “Don’t worry about me. I’m not as young as I used to be.” Quite literally, since my memories insisted I was supposed to be a twenty something human, not an aged Diamond Dog.
After I finished straightening out, Applejack turned to a nearby playground, her eyes narrowed. “That don’t quite look right.” She muttered to herself. She turned to me, “Where did you say we were again?”
Rarity laughed. “That image he showed us was quite clearly false, Applejack. While he, or somepony he knows must be quite the artist, I don’t think he can tell us where we are.”
That stung, but then again, the three ponies didn’t really have any reason to trust me.
“Rares, take a look at that there playground and tell me what you see,” Applejack spoke quietly, but she firmly pointed her friend at the playground.
The Unicorn shook her head, and looked at the playground herself. I watched her face, impatience, worry, a bit of boredom, then a flash of curiosity, then astonishment.
I turned to the playground myself, wondering what was so important, but my own examination didn’t reveal anything. I wasn’t anything special, just a couple sets of monkey bars leading to a platform with a small slide, but something about it was apparently fascinating to the two mares beside me.
Just then, Rainbow Dash arrived back from her flight with a burst of wind. “Guys! You’ve got to see this. We’re in some sort of crazy huge city, but I couldn’t find a single pony! Just these monkeys and a bunch of strange machines.”
Applejack turned to me. “This really is London, ain’t it?”
“And we’re nowhere near Ponyville.” Rarity continued, sharing a look with her orange friend.
I sighed. “I’m afraid not. This is London, England, the capital of the United Kingdom, on Earth. And Ponyville is likely very, very far away.”
“Alright, so we’re in this London place,” Rainbow Dash questioned, as I worked at the console back inside the Tardis, “How do we get back to Ponyville?”
I lifted a paw to scratch the back of my neck while examining another readout. “I am not entirely certain.”
“Darling,” Rarity interjected, “surely there must be some way back. If you know where this London is, and you know where Ponyville is, surely one leads to another?”
I chuckled. “Miss Rarity, the Tardis could take us anywhere or even anywhen. So long as I have the proper coordinates, that is.” I pointed at one of the readouts, it was distressingly blank, “Alas, it appears that someone has wiped the navigational computer of my Tardis. The only set of coordinates I know for certain is where we are right now.”
“So figure it out!” Rainbow Dash challenged, “Just put some of those coordinates in at random, and it’s either Ponyville or not. Besides, anywhere would be better than here, I swear those clouds above this city are toxic.”
“I don’t think you understand just how many different locations the Tardis could bring us.” I pointed out, trying to express the severity of the situation to her. “I could set the Tardis on a random sweep of the cosmos and we could travel decillions of lightyears and back to the beginning of time itself, and we’d never even get within a quadrillion miles of your home before all of you died of extreme old age.”
“What!” Rarity protested, looking faint. “I can’t go home an old mare. What about all our friends and family!?”
Applejack rolled her eyes, before turning to me and pointing a hoof at the console, “You seem to know how to use these doodads, surely one of them can help us get home.”
I rubbed the fur on my chin in thought. “Maybe,” I muttered to myself, before going around the console one more time. “Engine control, communications, no,” I continued to myself, “Scanners, maybe… Let me see, Gravimetric, Chronometric, Acoustic, no, no… Ahha! Quantum isolators!” I turned to the ponies, “If you three stand still a minute, I have an idea.” I adjusted one of the scanner knobs, before flicking a switch.
“Wait! What are you doing?!” Rainbow protested, “I have no idea what half of what you just said means.”
“Ah, don’t move!” I held up a paw warningly, “You’ll mess up the scanners. Got to get this right otherwise things might get complicated.”
“Complicated how?” Applejack asked with narrowed eyes, but at least she remained standing where she was.
I shrugged, “I’m not really sure how long it has been since somebody calibrated these sensors, moving around too much might throw off their autocalibration sequence, which will make it hard to isolate your quantum signatures.”
“And how does knowing our Quantum whatis help us get home?”
“Not much right now,” I answered, and all three of them drooped a bit in response. “But once I get my hands, err- paws on a navigational database for the Tardis, it means I could probably get us relatively close, location wise at least.” The console beeped, and I toggled the switch again. “You can move now by the way.”
“Okay, so how do we get this data? Do we need to buy some maps, or what?”
“Nothing so simple, I’m afraid.” I sighed, “Human technology, or indeed most races’ technology wouldn’t be able to give me the level of information I need to even start constructing a database. And if I could find someone to supply the information we wouldn’t have this problem in the first place.” I toggled a few of the sensors on, and examined the resulting readout. “I’m going to have to build my own database using the sensors on the Tardis, which will take some time, and travel.”
“Exactly how much time, and how much travel?” Applejack questioned with narrowed eyes.
I shrugged again, “I have no idea. But I already started the process. We will need to stay in this location and timeframe for about two days from what I can tell, after which we will have to move on and take new readings at some other location.”
“Alright,” Rarity appeared a bit cheered at the news, “Is there anything we can do to help along the process? We might not show it, but we are quite talented ponies, you know.”
But Applejack was still frowning, “And where are we going to get food? Or sleep?”
“That shouldn’t be a problem,” I instinctively waved my paw in front of one of the walls, the wall parted into a door to a corridor slightly smaller than the one to the outside. “There should be enough for each of you to have your own rooms. We also have a kitchen and a library, but try not to get lost. The Tardis is deceptively large.”
“Then I’m going to get some beauty sleep,” Rarity yawned, “I don’t know about you three, but all these shocks have tired me out.”
Rainbow Dash nodded, “Yeah, I need a nap after dealing with that air outside. I didn’t know that air could get so yucky.” The two of them left the control room, leaving me alone with Applejack.
“I am going to do my best to get the three of you back to your friends,” I told Applejack after the sound of the other two faded.
Applejack just nodded her head, with a soft smile, “I know.” Her smile faded. “But be honest with me here, how long is it going to take to get us back home?”
“Months, maybe a year, at minimum” I sighed, “And that’s if we have a run of good luck and manage to blind drive somewhere even remotely close to your homes. It could take over a decade if things don’t go well.”
Applejack bowed her head, but remained silent. She turned to leave.
Just as she was about to cross the threshold, she turned back to me. “And how long will it take for you to get to your home?”
I slumped. I had tried to find my own quantum signature, but the scanner couldn’t isolate it. “Longer.”
