Evergreen Heart

Chapter 24
The best night ever?

I hesitated. I really didn’t want to do this. But I must, I must, I must!
It’s been two weeks since that night in the pub. After Trixie woke up she seemed all too happy to accept my invitation. She also vehemently denied she fainted in the first place.

“Trixie was just momentarily overwhelmed by the alcohol, yes that was it. Do not question Trixie on this!” her words echo in my mind. Ponies, strangest creatures in the multiverse. Also some of the most adorable, but I digress.

I sighed and looked up at the sign. I can’t read a word of it. Stupid ponies and their stupid made up written language. I really need to ask somepony to teach me how to read. That's gonna be embarrassing as hell. NOT Twilight though. I would never survive the experience. Fortunately, for the moment I don’t need to read the sign to know what this store sells. Its window display is all the clue I need.

I fished out the remaining golden ticket from my inner pocket, the other was now in Trixie’s possession, and read that last line again: ‘Formal Attire Only’

Now before you ask me how the hell I can’t read the sign but managed to read the gala ticket, these things are apparently enchanted to appear written in the reader’s native language. This way they don’t have to make separate prints for foreign guests like the griffons and minotaurs. Bloody magic, it will drive me insane one day.

I mentally groaned and tried to steel my resolve. I absolutely hate shopping for clothes. But as I said, I must. I put a hoof on the door and pushed it open, stepping inside with all the dignity of a doomed soul who’s about to be executed. A little bell above the door jingled.

“Cooooming.” A voice calls from the back, followed by the most flamboyant stallion I’ve met so far. He kinda looked like a male version of Fluttershy, if she were a unicorn instead of a pegasus, not to mention gay as a fairy. Pale yellow coat, pink mane, though his was a two tone one. The biggest difference were his eyes though. They were a silver grey tone instead of cyan. He was also wearing a stylish doublet and had a pincushion strapped to one fetlock.

“Why hellooo.” He greeted me with exuberance. “Welcome to Silken’s Suits for all occasions. I’m Silken Spool. Now how can I help you hun?”

“Uh, yeah, I need a suit.” I mumbled, his exuberant greeting making what passed for my brain hiccup for a second.

“Well you’ve certainly come to the right place.” he said with a wink and a smile. “Can I ask what the occasion is?”

“Uhm, it's for the gala actually.”

“You mean the Grand Galloping Gala?”

“That's the one.”

“Shut uuuup, really? Way to go you. I hear it's near impossible to get tickets to the gala. I’m so jealooous” His smile became even wider. “Do you know what size you are?”

“Not really no. It's my first time getting a suit.”

“Well don’t you worry none darling,” he said with a little wave of his hoof “I will have you outfitted in no time. Just step this way and I will fetch my measuring tape.” He said before practically bouncing away.

I barely had a minute to look around before Silken Spool returned with a measuring tape and notepad in his magical aura. His place was a quaint little tailor's shop, reminiscent of those old fashioned English gentleman's tailors you see in the movies sometimes. Rich wooden furnishings, all polished to a shine, plush carpet. It all gave a warm and welcoming impression. I suddenly felt like I was in a Harry Potter story as the tape began to measure me seemingly on its own. If it weren’t for Silken’s silvery aura around it I would swear it was alive. Silken practically hovered around me and meticulously noted down every measurement.

“That should do it.” He said as he finished writing down the circumference of my neck. “Now lets see what what color suits you best shall we?”

“Sure.” I said with a slight grin. As much as I abhor clothes shopping and wanted to sulk, his exuberance was infectious. I wonder if he and Pinkie Pie share notes.

“You have such a nice green complexion, so I’m thinking something in a deep red, you know, to bring out that coat.” he said whilst floating over some color swatches. He held them up to my coat with a critical eye.

“Oh yes, this is so your color.” He exclaims whilst holding up a swatch of rich red satin.

“Are you sure it’s not too garish?” I asked as I eyed the slightly glossy fabric uncertainly.

“Not if you wear it right hun. This is a special night, and you gotta own it. I guarantee you will look smashing.”

“I will defer to your greater wisdom.”

“Marvelous, now let's get the rest of your ensemble.”

And so he did. First I was fitted in a white silk shirt. Complete with Victorian style cravat. Next up was a black gilet vest. Silken fussed around me some more, adding a pin here or there to adjust the vest to its optimal fit. Finally he grabbed a suit of the same color from the display rack. It was too large for me, but it was just to figure out what adjustments to make. The final suit would be custom made after all. A tuck here and there, a few more pins and it was done.

“My don’t you look sharp.” He said as he floated over a full length mirror so I could get a look for myself. “If you don’t have a date for the gala yet, I’m available.” He said with a wink.

I let out a good natured chuckle. “Sorry, already got my plus one for the evening.” I must admit, as odd as it felt to be wearing clothes as a pony, the suit looked pretty nice on me. He really knows his stuff.

“Oh woe is me,” He said in an overdramatic fashion. “Doomed to always be the bridesmaid, never the bride. How will I go on?” He then burst into laughter, and I laughed with him.

“I’m sure you will survive.” I said good naturedly as I took off the suit, mindful of the pins. Not that they would hurt me, I just didn’t want to mess anything up.

“Oh yes, wounds to the ego ain’t nothing a tub of ice cream won't fix. Though my aerobics instructor will be upset with me. He’s so strict.” he said that last bit in an exaggerated stage whisper. “ Anyways, your suit will be finished by the end of tomorrow. Do you have time in the afternoon for your final fitting?”

“That quick? Well sure, I can drop by in the afternoon.”

“Excellent, see you then hun.”

“See you then.”

“Toodles.”

And just like that I was back outside the store. That certainly was an experience, and not nearly as dreadful as I had feared. I don’t know why I hate shopping for clothes so much, I just do. Well it’s not much of an issue anymore with my current condition, plus almost no being in Equestria wears clothes on a day to day basis, except the snobbish elite. And only as a way to show that they have money rather than for practical reasons or necessity. In any case, I picked up the suit the next day.

Nothing interesting happened for the remainder of the week. Like every Friday afternoon, after receiving that weeks payment, I would work with Trixie and Big Macintosh on Trixie’s new wagon. It was coming along nicely, thanks largely to Big Mac’s help. He introduced us to a good blacksmith by the name of Steel Forge, who ran the smithy in a little village about a half day's walk from ponyville called Gallopton. He set us up with a nice set of axles and steel ringed wagon wheels at a very reasonable price. Thanks in part to Big Mac haggling over it. Now there was a sight I never expected to see. For a pony who doesn’t talk much he sure knew how to haggle something fierce. He practically ran rings around Steel Forge. We also placed an order for a small, iron wood-burning stove, suitable for a wagon. He assured us he would have it ready in two weeks time..

The weekend proved to be a boring affair with nothing of interest happening. Which frankly was a novelty in and of itself. No unexpected monster attacks. Nu magical mishaps. No crusader shenanigans. Not that they didn’t try to rope me into a few. But I put my foot down and told them I had other things to do. Yep that’s how it happened. Alright I may have bribed them with milkshakes to leave me out of it for a while. Fillies and colts should be registered as lethal weapons. Especially when they pout and give you puppydog eyes. Its enough to give a poor sod a heart attack.

And then the day arrived, tonight was the Grand Galloping Gala.

All of us boarded the train to Canterlot that morning, with several bags and trunks containing our outfits in tow. The compartment we were in was fit to bursting with the girls excitement. To be honest I wanted the trip to be over as fast as possible. No disrespect, but I can only stand to be around a gaggle of giggly excited young women for so long before it starts to grind on my nerves. Especially if you throw someone as bubbly and saccharine as Pinkie into the mix. If that makes me sound like such a typical male, well tough. I’m only human, well, relatively speaking anyway.

For the next couple of hours I watched the landscape zoom by and tried to tune out the girls. Normally I would kill the time by reading a book, but unless they had books with the same enchantment as the gala ticket I was fat out of luck. Even Spike and Trixie got in on the excitement, happily speculating away about the upcoming evenings events.

Speaking of Trixie, I’ll admit to being curious what her gala dress would look like. After Trixie accepted my invitation, Rarity insisted on making her a dress for the gala, much like she had done for the others. Considering how nice those were, I couldn’t help but wonder. It would have to wait until tonight though.

Trixie wouldn’t even give so much as a hint, quoting that, “A magician never reveals her hoof before the main show.”

The plan was for all of us to make our way over to Twilight’s former home after we arrived and change into our outfits there. Then we would ride in two coaches to the palace itself. I stood in front of the mirror in the guestroom while the girls were getting ready in the master bedroom. I studied my face with a critical eye. Maybe I would look nicer with a goatee? Or maybe a nice Van Dyke beard. I sent a little magic up my face and sprouted a fine, leafy beard.

“Nope, I was wrong.” I said aloud as I banished said beard to oblivion.

As a human I was barely able to pull off a nice beard. As a pony it just looked freaking ridiculous. I straightened my cravat and let out a sigh. I was as ready as I was gonna be. I made my way to the living room, which doubled as Twilight’s personal library. Heck the entire house might as well have been a library. There wasn’t a single room without at least one bookcase in it.

“Hey Aeron, looking good there.” Spike greeted me.

“Looking sharp yourself Spike.” I said to the tuxedo wearing drake. “Ready for tonight?”

“Oh yeah. This is gonna be so much fun.”

I surely hoped so. Honestly, being in the middle of snob central was the last place I wanted to be right now. But I gave Blueblood my word I would attend. And besides that, I didn’t want to disappoint Trixie either.

“We’re readyyy!” Rarity’s voice sang out from the bedroom.

One by one the girls emerged from the bedroom, resplendent in their gala dresses. I must admit they looked even better in real life than they did in the show. It’s hard to appreciate the subtle details of an animated image, seeing it up close and personal in real life however was a different affair. All of them looked radiant.

Then Trixie emerged from the bedroom, and I will admit my jaw nearly dropped.

Instead of something in purple or lavender like she usually wore, she was dressed in a two layered dress made of pale yellow-orange satin and silk that shimmered like gold and ended in a flowing swallowtail. The color contrast really made the azure of her coat pop. Emphasising her natural beauty. She also wore a small, I believe it’s called a cocktail hat, in lieu of her normal wizard one. It was decorated with several small white feathers and a star shaped gemstone that matched her eyes. Her mane was tied into a stylish braided bun, with a yellow ribbon woven through it.

“Well? What do you think?” She asked.

I just stood there, completely dumbstruck for a moment.

“Told you he’d be speechless darling.” Rarity said, her voice all smugness. But smugness well earned. She really outdid herself with the design. Trixie looked absolutely lovely.

“I had no idea a pony could look that pretty.” I said quietly, making her blush. Maybe this evening wouldn’t be so bad after all.

*****************

Earlier that afternoon, Princess Luna stood staring out of her tower window with a feeling of trepidation. Below, in the palace gardens and courtyards, ponies busied themselves putting the final touch on the decorations for the gala. A small army of chefs, sous chefs and other kitchen staff were unloading carts full of ingredients for the open buffet. Pegasi darted through the air, clearing the clouds. The whole palace was a bustle of activity. Only a few more hours till the gala opened. A knock on the door drew her attention.

“Enter.” She called out.

“Pardon the intrusion your highness,“ said the maid who entered, “I brought your outfit for the evening.”

“Thank you Primrose. You can put it on our bed.”

“Would you like me to help you get dressed highness?”

Luna briefly thought about it. “May as well.” she said at last and stepped away from the window.

The outfit itself was a simple yet elegant toga of deep rich purple which complemented her dark coat perfectly. There were also duplicates of her normal regalia, but these were made of sterling silver rather than the pure obsidian she normally wore. It took primrose only a few minutes to help dress her to perfection.

“You look splendid your highness.” She beamed.

“Art thou certain? It has been some time since we attended any sort of formal gathering. We would hate to look out of place.”

“Nervous milady?”

“Of course not.” Luna denied. She wasn’t about to show weakness in front of the palace staff. But inside she felt as if she was filled to bursting with butterflies. Angry butterflies with teeth that gnawed on her insides.

Primrose, apparently more adept at reading her mood than Luna had expected gave her a reassuring smile.

“You look regal and radiant princess, you shouldn’t feel nervous.”

Luna sighed. “It has been some time, we.. we feel uneasy thinking about being in such a large gathering of our subjects. We wish to give the right impression.”

Primrose hesitated briefly, then placed a hoof on Luna’s shoulder.

“You will do great your highness. If you will permit me to speak freely?” At a nod from luna she continued, “I admit when you first returned to us I felt, intimidated. A lot of the staff did. We had no idea what to expect from you, only having myth and legend to draw information from.”

Luna’s expression fell slightly.

“But,” Primrose voice became warmer as she spoke, “since then, you have shown yourself to be a strong, decisive and, most importantly, compassionate ruler. You never treat the staff with anything less than the utmost respect, and we all heard the tale of how you saved ponies from a spider attack recently. If you are worried about what ponies may think of you, then you should know that everyone in the palace has nothing but respect for you. We all sleep easier at night knowing that you watch over us. We all have faith in you, and I believe that in time, all of Equestria will learn to see you as we see you.”

The passion in her voice made Luna’s eyes dampen. “Thank you, Primrose. I, needed to hear that.”

“Don’t mention it your highness.”

******************

We arrived at the palace just as the sun vanished below the horizon. As we stepped out of our coaches there was a flash of light in the sky, and they the stars appeared as if from an explosion of silver light. Everyone outside turned to look at the sky with ooh’s and aah’s. It was as if the stars themselves put on a firework display. And then the moon rose over the palace, full and bright. Casting everything in its beautiful silver light. Luna really outdid herself, and it was nice to see the ponies around us appreciate the display. As the moon reached its highest point, ponies set off real fireworks, lighting up the sky with bursts of red and green. Then the wonderbolts flew over in an aerial display of smoke and lightning. Signaling the official opening of the gala.

“Well they certainly pulled out all the stops.” I said bemusedly.

“Hmph, Trixie could do a better firework display.”

“Yeah right.” Dash snarked.

“She really could.” I said, drawing a smile from Trixie.

Dash rolled her eyes. “Whatever, let’s get in there already.

“I can’t believe we’re finally here.” Twilight gushed, “With all that we’ve imagined, tonight is certain to be the best night ever.”

Unlike with the actual episode, no spontaneous musical number broke out at that point. I guess the magic of music had taken the evening off or something. No sooner had Twilight uttered those words or the six of them scattered like leaves in the wind. Leaving me alone with Trixie, and Spike, who looked rather dejected.

“Guess it’s just the three of us. Shall we?”

We followed the steady stream of arriving guests through the main doors. The evening air was pleasantly cool, but not too cold. Already the main hall and ballroom of the palace were bustling with guests. The murmur of conversation and the tinkle of crystal glassware were a constant low din in the background. A stage band was playing an elegant classical tune. So far it was all very posh. I spotted Twilight as she ran up the entrance hall stairs to greet Celestia. Already ponies were forming a line in order to shake hooves with the princess. None of us bothered to join said line. We weren’t here for her after all. As we entered the ballroom we ran across a familiar pony.

“Prince Blueblood, good evening.” I greeted him jovially.

“Ahh, sir Aeron, so glad you could make it. And who is this charming young mare?”

“Blueblood meet Trixie Lulamoon, magician extraordinaire.”

Trixie bobbed a curtsy to him, partly to hide her embarrassment at my praise of her. Why that made her embarrassed I had no clue.

“H-how do you do highness.” She choked out.

“Oh please just call me Blueblood. I find all the pomp and formality so bothersome.” He said with a warm smile.

“Very well then, Blueblood.”

“Your name does sound familiar my dear. One from the noble houses I do believe.”

“Yes, Trixie has... relations to those.” She said uncertainly. Her tone bereft of enthusiasm.

“Ahem.” Spike coughed.

“Oh pardon us, Spike.” I said apologetically. “Blueblood, meet Spike the dragon, loyal assistant to Twilight Sparkle, the protege of your aunt.”

“I remember you.” Blue said. “I’ve seen you in the palace a few times. I did not realise you were with young Twilight.”

“We’re pretty much a package deal.” Spike said, then he scowled. “Except for tonight apparently.”

Blueblood raised a questioning eyebrow.

“In all the excitement of the evening's events, Twilight and her friends rushed off to mingle, leaving Spike on his own.”

“I see. Speaking of mingling. I hate to greet and dash, but protocol demands I make a short appearance to the usual crowd. Staggeringly boring the lot of them I tell you. I will return to speak with you more post haste. Enjoy the evening in the meantime, I suggest starting with the buffet, they have some lovely hors d'oeuvres.”

We nodded and watched Blueblood trot away. And while he promised to return I had my doubts he would. Seeing as a certain white unicorn had just spotted him and was making a beeline for him.

“And so it begins.”

“What begins?” Trixie asked.

I shook my head “Nevermind, just musing out loud. Let's go see about that food shall we? I do hope they have some griffon dishes. I could use some meat.”

“Think they will have any gems?” Spike asked.

“I dunno, let’s find out.”

As we moved through the crowd I noticed a change in the tone of conversation. Ponies seemed to be staring at us from the corners of their eyes, or from behind champagne glasses. Whispers passed through the crowd. I heard only snippets, even with my magical hearing, but it was enough to puzzle the general conversation together.

‘Isn’t that the everfree monster? And it’s wearing a suit, how quaint. What is it doing with that washed up performer. Guess a beast was all she could get, the ugly mule. At least she’s wearing the right type of dress, for a cheap nag. And they have a nasty dragon with them too, ruffians. Why isn’t someone throwing them out? Ugh what a load of freaks, they really let anypony in these days.’

Those were just a few choice samples of conversation I picked up as we passed by. Lovely, just lovely. I should have asked Trixie to put an illusion on my eyes. Maybe that way I could have avoided detection for a while longer. Stupid green glow. Trixie’s voice snapped me out of my darkening thoughts.

“Trixie doesn’t see any meat or gems. But they do have a good selection of fish.”

“Do ponies even eat fish?” I asked

“Most pegasi do. For others it’s an acquired taste.”

“Do you eat it?”

“Oh yes, Trixie loves Neighponese cuisine. They have this lovely dish where they serve sliced fish on rice.”

“Wait, ponies have sushi?”

“Trixie only knows its name in draconic,” She said, “They call it Xiivaic.”

“Draconic? As in dragons?” asked Spike.

“Yes, Neighpon was co founded by ponies and dragons over three-thousand years ago. The current empress of neighpon is a pony. Her husband is a dragon.”

“Well aren’t you just a font of interesting information tonight.” I said with a warm smile.

“Trixie had planned to tour Neighpon one day to perform her magic acts. Naturally Trixie brushed up on her knowledge.” She said.

“Maybe I should visit there one day too.” said Spike.

“Neighponese dragons are different than your regular Equestrian dragons though, Spike. Equestrian dragons are just… nasty. Present company excluded of course.”

No argument there. I think Spike is pretty much the only exception. Well, not counting a certain blue dragoness. A series of horns blared briefly, catching everypony’s attention.

“Announcing her royal highness, Princess Luna!” A voice rang out.

Luna appeared on a balcony overlooking the ballroom. I must admit she looked very regal, if slightly old fashioned in her toga and silver regalia. But then, it is a style that I think suits her well. It shows both grace and power. Two things she has in spades.

“Greetings my loyal subjects,” Boomed her royal canterlot voice, “We welcome thee to this most glorious eve. Long has it been since last We saw so many ponies enjoy themselves under the light of our moon. It warms our heart to see such revelry. So eat, drink and dance. The night is young and should be enjoyed. Thank you.”

And with that she was gone again. Most ponies milled around a tad confused for a moment before they shrugged it off and resumed whatever it was they were doing. Mostly drinking and chatting. Which I thought was kind of rude of them. I mean the least they could do was give her some polite applause, or any sign of appreciation.

“She looked nervous to Trixie.”

“Really? She looked just fine to me.”

“Trust Trixie, she has put on enough performances to recognise stage fright in a pony. She was barely holding it together during that little speech.”

“Guess she’s still self conscious about speaking in public.”

While we talked I sampled some of the fish. I couldn’t taste any of the spices or seasonings they had used on them, but the fish itself tasted well enough. I wonder if they would taste better raw. I noticed that most of the ponies around the table were pegasi, and the occasional earth pony. It seems the unicorns avoided the fish at all cost. Unlike Trixie, who was digging into her plate of food with gusto while making little noises of content.

“Enjoying the food Trixie?”

She looked up from her plate, a fishtail partly hanging out of her mouth like a cat with a toy, and her eyes were overflowing with joy. It was diabetes inducing levels of cute. She swallowed her little morsel before speaking.

“Oh yes, It’s been too long since Trixie last had a chance to enjoy food this good.”

“Would you like something to drink to wash it down?”

“If you wouldn’t mind?” she said.

“Sure, I’ll be right back.”

With that I moved a few tables down the line where they served beverages. Anything from fruit punch to champagne. I figured champagne would be a fitting choice to start off the evening and moved to grab a couple of... flutes I believe those glasses are called?

“Well well well, the everfree creature, how simply delightful to meet you in person.” Said a smooth voice beside me.

I turned to see a stallion with a dark brown coat green eyes and a small, coal black beard standing there. I immediately disliked the guy for some reason. He gave off a strange vibe for lack of a better term that just screamed wrongness at me.

“And you are?” I answered as casually as possible. Fighting the growing urge to impale him.

“Ah forgive my manners. I am called Poncho, I am a merchant. I run a successful trade caravan as well as a small fleet of several merchant ships.”

“And how do you know who I am?”

“I have a bit of a weakness for gossip, it's one of my many vices.” He gave me what I assume was meant to be a disarming smile, but it just oozed sleaziness. “Current rumors say you fought side by side with princess Luna against a swarm of pony eating spiders. Is that true?”

“Yes.”

“Then I simply must thank you for keeping the roads safe for travel. After all, my business depends on it. If you ever need work, my caravans could always use strong bodyguards. The roads outside of equestria can be dangerous after all.”

“I will keep that in mind. Thank you. Now if you'll excuse me? My date is waiting.” I excused myself.

“Of course, don’t let me keep you.”

It felt good to be out of his immediate presence. Whoever this Poncho is, I don’t trust him one bit. Talking to him felt as if I was being sized up by some unseen predator. Not a sensation I’m accustomed to. Not to mention that overwhelming urge to inflict bodily harm. Where the heck did that come from?

Whatever it was it could wait, I wasn’t going to let the evening be ruined by one unexplained irrational feeling. I turned back to the table to do what I came for, namely to grab Trixie and myself something to drink. As I made my way back to her the whispers of the crowd once again found their way to my non existent ears. Snide comments and remarks, cruder than crude jokes. An insult aimed at either my own, or Trixie’s parentage.

I mentally sighed in disgust. We had been here barely an hour and already I felt like torching the damn place and everyone in it. It’s not like I hadn’t expected this to happen, I just didn’t think it would tick me off as much as it did. It wasn’t even the insults aimed at me that bugged me. I’m pretty thick skinned. It was the ones aimed at Trixie. I get that they would feel a certain amount of animosity to a creature like myself, but she’s just an ordinary pony who’s down on her luck. By what right do they think they can talk about her that way? They can all just explode for all I care. Preferably twice.

Seriously, screw those damn aristocrats and nobles. Here I am just trying to enjoy the evening with my friend, and they look at us as if we just took a collective piss in their salad. Oh but I will have the last laugh. I had expected something like this, and thus I came prepared.

I popped out Herb, my special bellsprout. The one that once brought me a frog. Yeah I decided to ‘save’ him. It’s kind of like making a backup copy of a file. I can save certain personality traits my bellsprouts exhibit and then implant those whenever I spawn one. And the more I use the same one, the more developed it seems to become. With a couple of instructions I send Herb on his way. The grin on my face must have been very disturbing, since ponies all but jumped out of my path as I made my way back to Trixie.

“Where did Spike go?” I asked upon my return, seeing how the little drake was absent.

“He went to find Twilight. Said something about learning more about his dragon origins. Whats with the crazy smirk?”

“Oh nothing, just had some amusing thoughts is all.” I said as I handed her a champagne flute.

We silently enjoyed our drinks for a minute. I sipped mine very carefully in order to test how much the alcohol in it would affect me. Fortunately the actual alcohol content turned out to be pretty weak and I was able to enjoy it without the risk of ending up as a gibbering mass of vegetation on the floor. Things abruptly livened up as Pinkie Pie got on the stage to sing the Pony Pokey, much to the annoyance of the stuffy crowd of canterlot elites. I for one enjoyed their discomfort. Then something weird started to happen. As if by magic, ponies around us suddenly started to change.

A mare exploded out of her dress as her coat suddenly turned into a giant ball of fluff. She looked like a hairy marshmallow, barely able to move about. A unicorn stallions horn suddenly drooped as if it were made of rubber and smacked him between the eyes.

“What’s going on?” Trixie asked.

“I haven’t a clue.”

A dozen more bizarre transformations occurred all around the ballroom. Ponies growing or shrinking, their coats changing color. Bodyparts swelling up or changing into something else. Even a couple of cases of explosive flatulence, much to the misfortune of anypony standing nearby. Things completely broke down for a bit as the afflicted parties started to panic. Up to the point where Celestia had to step in and order the afflicted guests be taken away for medical examination. After that things finally seemed to return to some semblance of normalcy.

“That was bizarre.” Trixie said.

“Sure was. But it was kind of funny to watch too.” I said with a smirk.

Trixie eyed me suspiciously. “You had something to do with that, didn’t you?”

“Not telling.” I said in a singsong voice.

Trixie gave a small snort but couldn’t hide a grin. We just stood there in companionable silence for a bit. Merely enjoying the others presence. I would have been content to spend the rest of the evening that way, but it seemed the universe had other plans.

“Beatrix Lobelia Lulamoon.” Came a voice from behind us. Both of us turned to see Lord Grimoire Lulamoon approach. “I knew it was you! Probably thought I wouldn’t recognise you in that fancy getup!”

Trixie’s expression turned frosty. “Grandfather.” She greeted in a tone that was barely tepid.

“Never thought I would see the day were you would attend the gala. Finally had enough of living as a vagabond?”

“Trixie is not a vagabond, grandfather. Trixie is a performer!”

“Pfheh, you should put your talents to use on something worthwhile.”

“Wait, Beatrix Lobelia?” I said after my brain did a small reboot.

“It… it’s Trixie’s full name.” She said with a hint of embarrassment.

“Wait, I recognize you.” Grimoire said after he got a closer look at me. “We sent you to jail.”

“If you will recall, sir, the princess pardoned me.”

"Hanging out with ex convicts now too? How low have you fallen?” Grimoire asked her, completely ignoring me as if I was no longer there.

“There’s no need to be rude grandfather.” Trixie fumed.

“I see there’s still no reasoning with you. If only you took after your father instead of that… mare.”

“You leave Trixie’s mother out of this!” She all but yelled at him.

“Sir, you are upsetting my date. I must ask you to leave us alone.”

“Date? You are dating this, thing! Have you lost what remained of your senses!” he shouted, getting in her face.

She wrinkled her nose as she got a full whiff of his breath and shoved him back with a hoof. “You are drunk grandfather. Perhaps you should go home.”

“How dare you tell me what to do! I took you in. Raised you. You could have had a brilliant career in magical research, you could have made a name for yourself. More importantly you could have upheld the family name. But no, you turned your back on everything in order to pursue some childish dream in showbusiness. You may think yourself to be the next Hoofdini, but you are nothing but a failed, second rate showpony. And yet you have the gall to speak to me this way.”

He tried to get back in her face, but I blocked his path. “Sir, you need to calm down before this gets ugly.”

“I will show you ugly you monster.” He snarled as he charged up a spell.

I reached out for his horn, my hoof morphing into a hand in order to grip it. My fist closed around the tip like a vice, eliciting a surprised yelp of pain from him. With a shove I pushed him back against the buffet table.

“Now you listen to me, sir.” I all but growled that last word in his face, my voice dangerously low, ”The only reason you aren’t a smear on the floor right now is because as far as I know, you, are the only living family she has left. And it would probably upset her if I melted you into goo. Now I’m going to release you, and you are going to get the buck out of here and sleep off your drunken stupor. You understand me?”

With another mild shove I released him, stepping back to stand beside Trixie. He glared at us with anger and disgust. Slowly moving away from us with as much dignity as he could muster.

“This isn’t the end of it. Mark my words.”

“Go suck a lemon, you cantankerous old prick!” Trixie shouted at his retreating form.

As he vanished into the crowd, I turned to face Trixie and let out a sigh of disgust. “Sweet fucking bat ponies, is he always such a tool?”

She said nothing, she just stared in the distance with anger and hurt in her eyes. All around us ponies were staring.

“Nothing to see here folks. C’mon, shows over.” I said whilst making a shooing motion with my hooves. Soon enough they lost interest and resumed their activities.

“Hey, you okay?” I asked quietly.

She let out a deep weary sigh. “Trixie will be fine.”

We silently lingered at the buffet table for a little longer. Neither of us really sure what to say at that point. It certainly wasn’t how we envisioned the evening to go.

“So, Beatrix huh?” I asked after the silence had dragged on for far too long. Anything to get past that awkward moment.

“Please don’t tease Trixie.”

“I’m not, promise. I just think it's a nice name. If I recall correctly it means she who makes happy, or, she who brings happiness, correct?”

“So Trixie’s mother used to say. Its older Equestrian and hardly used these days. Trixie’s father always said that she picked the name because when she found out she was pregnant with Trixie, it made her the happiest mare alive.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that. “They both sound like wonderful ponies.”

“Trixie misses them so much.” she mumbled, her voice thick with emotion.

“I know how you feel.”

“Do you?”

“In a way. My parents were both alive and well last time I saw them, but they are in an entirely different dimension, with no way for me to reach them. The chances of me ever seeing them again without some form of divine intervention are practically zero. In a way, they might as well be dead. So trust me when I say I know how you feel.”

We stood together in silence once more.

“This evening sure took a depressing turn all of a sudden.” I said with a little disgust in my voice.

“Then, why don’t we change that.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Dance with Trixie.” she said, giving me a little tug towards the dancefloor.

I fumbled. “I don’t know how to dance.”

“That’s okay, Trixie will teach you.”

“I didn’t know you knew how to dance.”

“The Great and Talented Trixie has many skills you don’t know about. She can dance, she can sing, and she makes a mean cheddar mushroom omelette.” She said with a wink.

“Alright then, oh great and talented Trixie. My fate is in your hooves.” I said with a grin as I followed her to the dancefloor.

And so we danced. I won't bother you with the details. Suffice to say it was very awkward at first. If you think it's hard dancing on two feet, try coordinating four hooves. It was only thanks to her patience and guiding my steps that I didn't make a complete ass of myself. Thankfully this wasn’t some complicated waltz they were playing. We must have been dancing for close to fifteen minutes. Just moving and swaying to the music without a care in the world, simply enjoying eachothers company.

“I’m still surprised you’re such a good dancer Trixie.”

“Why?” she asked with a slight tilt of her head.

“I don’t know, you just never really struck me as the type who enjoyed it.”

“Not at first. Trixie was forced to take lessons when she was younger as part of ‘a proper upbringing. Trixie didn’t really learn to appreciate her lessons until she got older. Dancing is an expression of joy and emotion, of energy, and life. A truly gifted dancer is able to seduce a person’s senses and emotions with just the movement of their own body. At least that is what Trixie’s teacher used to say.”

“This teacher of yours wasn’t a pole dancer was she?”

“A what now?”

“Ignore that, my brain forgot to engage its filters for a second.”

“You are so strange sometimes. But, that is one of the things Trixie likes about you. You are unique, and you accept Trixie for who she is, without reservations.”

“I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I didn’t. Besides, what’s not to like about you?”

She smiled coyly. We were slow dancing to some classical tune I could not identify when she leaned close to me, a pinkish glow tinting her cheeks. Her face inched closer and closer to mine. Her breath tickled against my skin as her lips slightly parted.

The music abruptly screeched to a halt as a familiar voice suddenly filled the room.

“Alright everypony, you wanted to paartay, so let’s paaartaaay!” Pinkie Pie shouted as a funky disco beat filled the ballroom.

We both looked up to find Pinkie standing on the band stage behind a DJ mixer. Where did she get that thing? I noticed Trixie glaring daggers at the pink pony, who was now running around the ballroom, trying to get more ponies to cut loose and dance to the beat with little success.

“I think we might want to get off the dance floor Trixie.” If I was right, things were about to get hectic.

“Fine, mood’s gone anyway.” She muttered.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. Lets just get some punch or something.”

We had barely made it off the dancefloor when the ballroom doors banged open and Applejack walked in, pushing a trolley laden with a big heavy cake.

“Okay, all you high-class ponies. Here's a highfalutin apple cake for your hoity-toity taste buds.”

Aaand here it comes.

“Stage dive!” Pinkie screamed, leaping off the stage in a swan dive. Straight into Applejacks trolley.

The cake went sailing through the air, right at the opposite doors where Rarity and Blueblood just entered. Both of them screamed, and then Blueblood pushed Rarity in front of himself. Using her as a living shield. I facehoofed as the cake impacted with rarity’s face. Showering her with its sticky sugary goodness. Her temper boiled over as she took in the devastation the cake had wrought on her ensemble, and she rounded on Blueblood with murder in her eyes..

“You, sir, are the most uncharming prince I have ever met! In fact, the only thing royal about you is that you are a royal pain!”

“Ewww...! Uh, stay back! I just had myself groomed!” Blue shouted with panic. Scrambling away from her.

“Afraid to get dirty?! Uaarghhhh!” Rarity all but roared as she shook herself violently like a dog trying to get dry. Showering Blueblood and anypony else nearby with bits of cake and splashes of frosting.

Blue let out a scream and tried to flee the onslaught, only to run right into the ornamental statue they had placed in ballroom for the occasion. The statue wobbled and began to topple over, only for Rainbow dash to zoom in and catch ot on her back. I’m still not sure how she avoided injuring her spine in the process. Dash let out a shout of triumph, but not a moment later she lost control as the statue overbalanced and rolled off her back, only to smash into one of the ballroom pillars. The resulting domino effect saw it topple forward into the next one, and the next one. The room shook as pillar after pillar smashed into each other and crumbled. Until not a single one remained intact. The ballroom floor was littered with rubble. Several refreshment tables had been smashed, and the food spilled out onto the floor. It looked as if a bomb had gone of in there.

“Okay, this is getting ridiculous.” Trixie stated.

“Wait for it.” I deadpanned.

The room shook again, and then the double doors leading into the palace gardens burst open to admit a stampede of animals. It was utter pandemonium after that.

“You’re.. going to..LOVE MEEEE!” the normally timid voice of Fluttershy boomed across the chamber like the roar of a dragon.

I leaned against the wall as I observed the chaos with a bemused expression. Trixie stood next to me, staring wide eyed as a pair of chipmunks climbed into a nobles hat. The owner shrieked and flailed about wildly, knocking over the pony next to him who in turn fell into a table, which promptly collapsed. Showering bystanders with confectionaries. The chain reaction pretty much kept going from there, with animals or ponies knocking each other over. The destruction was total as within minutes there wasn’t a single piece of furniture left intact. Everypony was screaming and hollering, running to and fro in a blind stupor. I bet you Discord would have loved seeing this. A sharp whistle from Twilight saw the mane six rush out the door at Celestia’s urging.

“Let’s get out of the way.” I said to Trixie as I casually strolled out of the ballroom.

“How can you be so calm about all this? And how did you know what was happening? Did you do this?”

“No I didn’t do that. As for how I knew, I really cannot tell you. Not yet.”

“Why not? What’s the big secret?”

I looked her straight in the eyes. “I promise you that I will tell you one day. Just not today alright? I promise you.”

“You had better keep that promise, or Trixie shall be very cross with you.”

“You have my word Trixie.”

As we stood outside in the hall, just across from the main doors we were approached by Blueblood, who was cleaning the last bits of cake frosting out of his mane.

“Aunty’s sun covered flanks what an evening.” He grumbled as he joined Trixie and myself, having cleaned himself off as best he could.

“What the heck was that all about Blue? I’ve never seen you act so….”

“Insufferable?” Trixie opted.

“I was gonna say snobbish but that works too.”

“It’s a long story Aeron, I will explain later if that’s alright.”

“Look, Blue, I’m sure you had a good reason, but, you do know who that pony was right?”

“No, should I have known?” He said with mild confusion.

“That was our friend, Rarity.”

“Who?”

“Rarity, you know, wielder of the Element of Generosity?”

“Oh.... wait, WHAT! Please tell my you jest.” he cried, his face now showing mild panic

“I wish.”

He sat down heavily. “Oh no, ohhh no no no… I think I made a terrible mistake.”

“Wait, you seriously didn’t know?”

“NO! I swear, I had no idea who she was. I thought… I thought she was just another gold digging nobles daughter or somesuch, trying to ensnare me just to increase her social standing. And now it turns out she was one of aunties honoured guests.”

“Does that happen often? Mares trying to snare you for your status?” Trixie asked.

“Too often.” Blue groaned.

“How could you not recognise her after that whole ceremony when we defeated Discord?”

Blue looked embarrassed. “I am, terrible at remembering ponies faces most of the time. Its why I always bring my trusted aide with me whenever I have to discuss politics. Just to keep track of who is who.”

“Didn’t Celestia introduce you? seeing as they were her personal guests this evening I figured she would have at least bothered to inform you.”

His expression turned into the equivalent of a stormcloud.

“She couldn’t have… she.. Oh that.. AUNTY!” he yelled, and stormed off.

“So what now?” Asked Trixie.

“Now? Now we wait for Blue to grab Celestia, then we go and have some coffee and donuts. If that’s okay with you of course.”

Trixie looked over her shoulder at the devastation that used to be the ballroom as several members of the palace staff tried to calm and gather up the animals, whilst the nobility continued milling around in a panic.

“Eh, party is pretty much over anyway.” She said with a smirk. “Some coffee sounds good to Trixie right about now.”

It took maybe half an hour before Blueblood reappeared, a rather chastised looking Celestia following in his wake. With the situation inside the palace mostly under control, and the palace staff on top of it, it was alright for them to depart and see to other matters. Just before we left I briefly lingered by the ballroom door to pick up Herb.

******************

Donut Joe’s was a pretty nice place. Reminded me of a typical American diner mixed with a bakery. As the four of us approached the doors we heard voices coming from inside.

“That had to be like the worst night ever.” came the voice of Spike.

“IT WAS!” all the girls shouted in unison.

“I just hope Princess Celestia isn't upset with us for ruining the Gala.” Twilight spoke sadly.

As if on cue, Celestia picked that moment to throw open the doors to allow us entry.

“That was the best Grand Galloping Gala ever!” She yelled with gusto.

All of the girls gasped. “Princess Celestia!”

“Pardon me, Princess, but tonight was just awful.” Twilight said meekly.

“Oh, Twilight. The Grand Galloping Gala is always awful.” Celestia chuckled.

“It is?”

“That is why I was thrilled you were all attending. I was hoping you could liven things up a bit.”

It was then that Rarity spotted Blueblood standing behind Celestia.

“YOU!” She growled with fire in her eyes.

“Hang on Rarity, hear the poor stallion out.” I said.

“Why should I? Why should I not simply clobber him into donut filling?”

“Please just listen.”

Blueblood stepped forward.

“Miss Rarity I owe you a great apology. What happened tonight, the way I treated you, If I had but known who you were I would never have acted that way.”

Rarity raised an angry eyebrow.

“You see, I was under the impression you were yet another greedy mare who was only interested in me because of my status. If somepony,” He glared at Celestia, who had the decency to look sorry, despite a grin tugging at her lips, “would have bothered to introduce us, or at least tell me of your identity I never would have assumed such a thing.”

“But why assume such a thing in the first place.” Asked Applejack.

“Because this would not have been the first time it has happened. Every year at the gala it’s the same thing. Mares approach me, trying to hook up, hoping to elevate their social status, or simply wanting money. So this year I decided to put on an act. I thought that if I acted like a complete and utter spoiled, narcissistic snob I could scare them off. I am sorry you got caught up in my ill conceived plan. And I owe you an apology as well miss Apple. The food you served was actually quite delicious.”

“Aww shucks, ah forgive ya pardner.” AJ waved off the apology.

“And you miss Rarity? Can you find it in you to forgive me?” He asked while bowing deeply to her.

Rarity mused it over for a minute, her angry scowl slowly melting away. “Alright, I forgive you.”

“Thank you miss Rarity.” Blueblood said in relief.

“Do you think we could perhaps do it over sometime? Dinner perhaps?” Rarity asked with a flutter of her eyes.

“Ah, forgive me miss Rarity, you are a very attractive mare, and I am sure you will make some lucky stallion very happy one day. But…”

“But what? Is there something wrong with me?”

“NO! No, not at all. Its simply that ehm…. I… prefer the company of, uhm… stallions.” he said with a heavy blush. “I hope you will do me the kindness of not spreading that information around.”

Rarity’s blush matched his in strength. “Oh my, of course I shall be, discreet… oh dear is it getting warm in here?” she fanned herself with a hoof.

“We could still go out for dinner sometime though. If only to make up for the horrible way I treated you tonight. I know a nice little place on restaurant row that serves a delightful pasta.”

“Actually, that would be quite lovely.” Rarity said with a smile.

“But why ask us to keep quiet about who you like? There’s nothing wrong with liking stallions, or mares for that matter. Or both.” Dash cut in.

“Something you wish to share with us Rainbow?” AJ said teasingly.

Dash blushed and rubbed the back of her neck. “It’s not important.”

“The reason I ask you to keep it quiet is because there are certain elitists among the nobility who would abuse the information and use it against me somehow.” Blue said.

“Let’s not sour the mood with talks of nobles and politics. Besides, they will have more than enough to deal with in the next few days.” I smirked.

Twilight, seeing my smirk gave me a mild glare. “What did you do?” she demanded.

“Oh I may or may not have had my little Herb here,“ I pointed at the bellsprout that emerged from my mane, ”spike all the fancy hors d'oeuvres and punch with poison joke.”

Twilight’s eye twitched, but before she could say anything Celestia burst into laughter. And I don’t mean her usual dainty giggle. I’m talking bang her hoof on the table gasping for air with tears in her eyes kind of laughter. The look on Twilight’s face was absolutely priceless. I wish I had a camera to preserve the moment.

“That was your doing?” Celestia asked between guffaws “Oh that was priceless. But why did it only affect some guests and not all?”

“Well I used normal poison joke pollen on the food. But I used a poison joke potion on some of the punch bowls. So the ones who only enjoyed the food will feel the effect tomorrow. Those who had the punch were affected within a few minutes.”

“How did you get a poison joke potion?” asked Blue

“Well…”

***************

Yesterday at Zecora’s place

“Tell me that you did not misspoke, did you ask me for poison joke?”

“That’s right. If you could whip up a flask of poison joke potion I would appreciate it.”

"Brew this potion indeed I can, but first I’d like to know your plan."

“I just want to use it for a bit of pranking. Nothing nefarious. In fact I could just create some poison joke plants at will, but the effects wouldn’t be immediately visible. With your potion it would be almost instantaneous. Which is what I require. I promise you nopony will be harmed.”

“While it may be a tad immature, a prank I can appreciate for sure. I shall brew it within the hour, but please do not misuse its power.”

“Trust me Zecora, the ones I plan to use it on deserve a good pranking.”

******************

the present

“That is a dangerous thing to use for a mere prank.” Twilight scolded.

“Are you kidding?” Dash shouted, “That’s brilliant! But wait, what about us? Will we be affected too?”

“Probably, however the effects of poison joke can be cured almost instantly with a simple herbal bath, but if left untreated it will vanish on its own in three to five days. And while the effects can be a nuisance they do no permanent harm. It’s a strange and highly magical plant, but it’s not malicious.” I quoted from the book on natural remedies.

“But uhm..why did you do that? Why did you prank everypony at the gala?” Fluttershy asked quietly.

“Because, with the exception of a few, present company included, all the others there were a bunch of absolutely fucking horribly cunts. You should have heard some of the shit they whispered behind our backs.” I said vehemently

Several of them blushed at my choice of words. Twilight gasped so hard I thought she was gonna choke on her own tongue and clamped her hooves over spikes ears. Or whatever you call those little fin things on his head.

“Again with the profanity, and in front of the princess no less, how could you!”

“He’s right though my faithful student. As much as I love all my little ponies, some of them are horrible fucking cunts at times.” Celestia deadpanned in her motherly tone.

“I think you just gave poor Twilight a stroke princess.” Rarity said whilst waving a hoof in front of a completely unresponsive Twilight’s eyes. She blindly stared into the distance with a look of utter shock plastered on her face.

“Oh dear, I did not mean to break her.”

“Maybe if you kiss her she will snap out of it.” I suggested offhandedly.

“The tabloids would have a field day.” Blueblood said with an amused snort. “I can see the headlines already. Scandal in Canterlot. Princess Celestia caught kissing her devoted protege.”

That got a response out of Twilight, who let out an undignified eep and a stream of protests.

“All nonsense aside though, my faithful student, while the evening may not have gone as you planned, I'm sure you'll agree that in the end it didn't turn out so bad for this group of friends” Celestia smiled at Twilight.

Twilight was lost in thought for a moment before she spoke up. “You're right, Princess. Friends have a way of making even the worst of times into something pretty great.”

“Yeah! Hanging out with friends!” Dash said with enthusiasm.

“Talking!” “Laughing!” Said Pinkie and Fluttershy.

“You mean doing exactly what I wanted to do the whole time?” Spike snarked.

“Yes, Spike. You were right.” Twilight said while she gave him a one legged hug.

“As horrible as our night was…” AJ began

“...being together here has made it all better.” Rarity finished.

“In fact, it's made it…” Pinkie began.

“..the best night ever!” They all shouted in unison.

As the girls talked and laughed with Celestia, and Rarity planned her dinner date with Blueblood, Trixie and I scooted into a quiet booth to enjoy a cup of coffee.

Was it the best night ever? Not a chance. But it was far from the most awful one. And I must admit, I looked forward to reading tomorrow's headlines when the poison joke kicked in and every stupid ponce who had been at the Gala would wake up to find themselves afflicted with something weird.

I patted Herb on his bulbous little flower head. “Good job little buddy.”