Today was one of those days, there weren’t any hungry fillies and colts lining up at the register. Nor were there any potential parties for the day, the pink party pony couldn’t take another second of boredom. Sitting behind the counter of Sugarcube Corner, she had far too much time to calculate the fact that she hadn’t seen a single pony at all since her shift had begun. That was by far the most unsettling revelation the pink pony ever had while she was slumped at the counter, still waiting. By Celestia somepony was going to buy something today or her name isn't Pebble Pie. Watching the clock tick ever so slowly from her slumped position, the four hour shift has been torture on her ever decreasing patience.
Tapping a hoof and rattling off some random melody in her head, the pink pony was getting ready to explode into a ball of confetti just because nothing else was going to happen. However as she begun to inflate to the point of combustion a pony walked through the door. They arrived just in time to nearly see the disastrous results of a bored baker. However before they could take cover behind a vacant table, the pink pony immediately deflated and flung herself at the frightened pony.
“Oh my gosh, I mean yes, no wait!” The overly enthusiastic pink mare was stuck in a state of limbo from seeing her first pony all day, simply bouncing circles around the confused potential customer.
“Umm, yea nice to see you too Pinkie,” The grey mare called down a bit more after the initial shock of walking in on a Pinkieplosion. “I got a delivery for you today.”
Pinkie Pie instantaneously stopped in mid bounce and dived at the grey mare giving her a bone crushing hug. “Yay, I knew today wouldn’t be totally dully wully Derpy wurpy… Oh, canIhaveitcanIhaveitcanIhaveitcanIhaveitcanIhaveit!”
The grey mare's eyes focused for only a second to rifle through her saddle bags. After she found what she was looking for, her eyes once again unaligned as she presented a small brown package to the hyperactive mare. In turn, Pinkie gave the package a longing stare as if she had been waiting her entire life for whatever was hidden behind the brown packing paper. Even though the mare had truly no idea what it was, because she hadn’t ordered a thing in weeks. It didn't matter either way, because before a single thought could even be completed she had already took the brown package and begun ripping the covering to shreds. Not even giving the shipping information a second glance.
Derpy once again sat on her haunches in confusion as she was actually very curious now, she had no idea where that small box came from. She didn’t even notice it at the mail office, then all of the sudden when she was dropping off Pokey Pierce's mail, it was there, addressed to Pinkie Pie. It also felt like it weighed almost nothing, was it just packing peanuts or another one of Dash’s pranks. They go back and forth far too often, by now Derpy at least thought the score was three thousand and forty two to three thousand and seventy seven now… Not that she was keeping count.
However when Pinkie’s shredding was complete, both mares looked at what Pinkie had held between her hooves. It was nothing more than a small yellow box with no copyright date, retail sticker, or other information on it. Yet it looked as though it was suppose to be some type of foals toy, but when Pinkie flipped it around she saw a cellophane window with a simple looking green billiard ball enclosed within. Also on the front of it it had in large text. “Dr. Wondertainment’s Ontological 6-ball™” There was some other text on it, but whatever it was, it didn’t last a second to Pinkie’s attention span because she had already tore the box in two just to get at the billiard ball inside.
But before she could ~~man~~ pony handle her new toy, a small booklet fell before her and in strange print right on the front page it said.
CAUTION: Make sure to read all instructions and warnings before assembling or operating Ontological 6-Ball™. Inadequate, modified, or otherwise improper assembly of Ontological 6-Ball™ may result in undesired functions. If Ontological 6-Ball™ begins to surround you to the exclusion of everything else, making you feel confused, lonely, and like the only thing you can ever be sure of is the Ontological 6-Ball™, stop playing and take a break. By possessing Ontological 6-Ball™ or any included material, including knowledge of the existence of Ontological 6-Ball™, you agree to accept all liability for consequences, accidental or metaphysically inherent, of Ontological 6-Ball™, and also consent that Ontological 6-Ball™ will always be a fundamental part of who you are.
HAVE FUN!
Derpy was the first to pick up the instruction manual, only to immediately frown as she realized how long and complicated the instructions were. Who knew a billiard ball was so difficult to play with. In exchange, Pinkie took the instructions within a blink of an eye and her eyes glazed over as soon as she turned to the first page.
“Boring!” Pinkie Pie tossed the instructions behind her with out a second thought or glance.
Derpy looked worriedly back at where she threw the instructions and back at both of the six ball that sat before them. Neither mare noticed out of sorts at first, it was only after one of them started floating around Pinkie’s head did Derpy begin to realize what was happening. Her mind came to a grinding halt as she saw one floating around her friends head and the other… Gone?
“Oh no…” Derpy’s eyes shrunk to the size of pinpricks as one of the two green billiards had disappeared right in front of her.
On the other ~~hand~~ hoof, Pinkie Pie was enjoying herself far too much to be concerned with consequences. Instead, she was prancing around giving the each of her new friends names.
“I’m gonna call you Picky, you’ll be Big Green, oh oh and I’ll call you Pinkie Junior!” Pinkie only stopped for a second, it was the moment of actualization for the pink mare as she realized she now had more than twelve billiard balls floating, spinning, and dancing around her head. “I-I gotta share them with all my friends!”
Derpy went ridged after hearing what she had said, it was almost going to be another Parasprite fiasco all over again. But instead of small creatures that would eat anything in sight, this was… worse? Actually Derpy had no real idea if they did anything more than what Pinkie was making them do, she was getting ready to reach for the instructions again. That was before the ear piercing screams of the flower trio hit her ears, both mares jumped and rushed outside of Sugarcube Corner to see exactly what had happened.
That’s when they both wished they had stayed inside, because outside there was mass panic. Ponies were fleeing in any direction, apparently fleeing from some demonic ball of evil that they can’t escape. Other ponies were in the fetal position, chanting ‘the six ball is love, the six ball is life’ as they were seemingly surrounded by countless billiards. Neither one of them could have imagined things would have deteriorated so quickly, Derpy swore Pinkie couldn’t have said anything about sharing that thing with her friends no less a minute or two ago.
The grey Pegasus in turn looked quizzically in Pinkie’s direction to see her wearing a black suit, top hat, and a expression that screamed cluelessness. After seeing that, the wall eyed mare was done for the day, so instead of sorting the situation out like a less sane pony would, she chose to trot peacefully back to the mail office, dodging panicking ponies left and right. Not even acknowledging the absence of Derpy, the pink suited mare just continued to stare into the chaos while slowly raising up a fake mustache up to her face. She knew today was going to be one of those days...
Author's Note
Dr. Wondertainment... Google it
