Ey B0ss!by moviemaster8510ChaptersPINK GUY COOKS CUPCAKES AND RAPSHAYBURGER PLSI REALLY FUCKING HATE FANONGibe de Pusi B0ssPINK GUY COOKS CUPCAKES AND RAPSMr. Cake’s eyes were harshly illuminated by the crack of sunlight that crept in between the sliver between his window’s drapes. He honestly preferred mornings like this when he didn’t have to get up because Pound or Pumpkin Cake were crying for something. Turning to his still snoozing wife, he gave her a soft kiss before he slowly rolled from his bed and to his hooves, hoping to not wake her. Tip-hoofing to a wardrobe, he grabbed a large red and white-striped towel and crept out of the room. Mrs. Cake rolled to the center of the bed, happy to have more room to herself. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= Mr. Cake walked out of the steamy bathroom with his wet, heavy towel held firmly in his teeth. As he breathed in through his nose, he could faintly detect something amiss. Peering into his bedroom through the ajar doorway, he saw his wife already sitting up and reading a novel. Pushing the door open and dropping his towel to the floor, it alerted Mrs. Cake to his presence. “Hey, honey,” he said, unsure of the importance of telling her or not, “doesn’t Pinkie usually have the ovens warming up by now?” “Usually…” she remarked with a hoof on her chin, “but she’s been so busy with Twilight and her friends, that we could probably let her sleep in once in a while.” “Heh, I suppose you’re right.” Without another word, he slipped back out into the hallway towards the staircase that would lead him down to the shop that he and his wife ran together. Passing by Pinkie Pie’s bedroom door, he had the thought of opening her door to check on her, but remembering his wife’s words, he smirked warmly and made his way down the steps. Appearing in the shop’s foyer, he gave a sigh of content as he went around the counter and back toward the kitchen. As he reached the entryway… “ey b0ss!” Almost out of nowhere and fast as lightning, a bipedal creature with pink skin all over his body save for his tan face and hands popped out from behind and gave a wave and a smile that appeared almost cartoonish in its innocence. “GYAHHH!” Mr. Cake shrieked, leaping back into the waiting area. Hitting the back of his head, on the floor, he was too disoriented to move away from the pink thing as performed a spinaroonie beside him and then began to do fly-looking pushups atop of him. “Sweetie!” cried Mrs. Cake, her voice at the top of the stairs. “What happened? Are you okay?” “Habe u s33n a Pinkie, plz?” the thing seemed to respond, his English very strained. Just as Mr. Cake began to come to, he noticed a piece of paper stapled to the creature’s chest. Pulling it off, he began to read, squinting over how close to illegible it was written. “Sweetie!!” shrieked Mrs. Cake coming closer. “Get off of him, you monster!” With a devious looking smile, it responded, “Eeyagh roaiyahhh!” I come bearing important news, you dumb horse cunt lol “Hold on!” Mr. Cake said. He began to sit himself up against the pink creature, which, to both his and his wifes’ surprises, cordially got off of him and stood to the side. “This thing had a note on it.” She stood by his side as he began to read the note aloud. Dear Cakes, I’m sorry I’m writing this on such short notice, but I need to run to the Crystal Empire for a couple of days! It’s okay though! I found this cutie. He said he’d cover for me until I get back! He’s says he’s a pretty good cook. I trust him entirely. Well, see you soon! Say hi to my favorite colt and filly for me! Love, Pinkie Pie P.S. His name is Pink Guy! It rhymes with mine! Isn’t that funny? The two of them looked back at the creature named Pink Guy in bewilderment, who was hunched over, still sporting that dumb, smug smirk on his head, and awaiting for them to speak to it. “Um…” he attempted to question, “so Pink Guy-” “-b0ss,” he curtly replied, now lying on the floor in a sultry pose, running circles along his ass with an index finger. “Yes, so, um, being that I will be your, uh… boss, I need you to uh… help make this morning’s batch of cupcakes for the early rush.” With inhuman speed and precision, Pink Guy flipped onto his fours in a frog-like stance, then turning back to them with an extremely enthusiastic thumb up and grin. He then proceeded to charge into the kitchen like a Scurrying Beast from Bloodborne, but not before throwing himself through the kitchen doorway. Mr. and Mrs. Cake winced upon hearing the sound of falling pots and pans along with his hard landing, accompanied with his exclamation of “oh FUQ!” The two were silent together, unsure of what could have possessed Pinkie Pie to allow such a violently silly creature into their house. “Should we call someone?” she asked. “I’ll see if Twilight’s available,” he responded, slinking towards the exit. “Good plan. I’ll go check on the foals.” Pink Guy, all alone in the kitchen with all the tools and ingredients he could need on the counter sported a rather serious look, looking directly towards a non existent camera. He was given a task most important by the pink-furred pony, and there was no way he would disappoint her or her employers, no way, no how! In fact, it began to inspire him to spit some funky lyrics. Yo, I make confection to perfection courtesy of Pink Guy to Pinkie Pie, Not talking ‘bout that other pink pie called pussy, guy, But speaking of dessert, I make cupcakes and money and then I bake them harder than I do on April 20. I shower May flour over eggs in a bowl, don’t you forget to fill it full of sugar, yes please, now get down on your knees, you gotta squeeze the butter to get it creamy like when I bust a nut inside of my jeans. Now, I prefer Mom’s funfetti, Got more color than a bag of M&Ms, Aunt Em would be blown away by what I’m making here today, I got so much color in this batter, you would think I was gay. (but I’m not) I can tell you what I am, I am a killa’ with vanilla with the lyrics most ill from this side of Ponyville. I’m like a zebra with the number of times I land the rhymes, Zecora couldn't hold a candle to me, no one can handle me. I slide em’ in the oven, only seconds to spare I care ‘bout representing the ponies that that threw me a bony I don’t need a fucking mixtape to prove that I’m fire, Cus’ unlike you, I’m popping crystal in the Crystal Empire. Curious over Pink Guy’s supposed, progress, Mr. Cake peered inside to see Pink Guy grunting with the largest fucking grin on his face as he viciously stirred the batter in a metal bowl while stomping around the kitchen, his legs as wide apart as his stance could allow. The sight of such culinary animalism was shocking enough, but what alarmed Mr. Cake the most was the amount of batter getting whipped onto the floor and the tables while leaving the cupcake tins virtually spotless. “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” shouted Mr. Cake, running inside. Before Mr. Cake could take the bowl away, Pink Guy jumped 180 degrees perfectly before him and painted the front of his muzzle with the wooden spoon, leaving a sizable streak of uncooked batter over the front of it. Mr. Cake was frozen, unsure of how to respond next, but seeing Pink Guy visibly calmer indicated he was about to tell him something. Pink Guy smiled again so that he cheeks almost covered his eyes and he quickly licked his upper lip in quick repetition, a series of small popping sounds appearing just as fast. Understanding the crude gesture, Mr. Cake scraped a small amount of the batter from his upper lip with his tongue, but it didn’t take him long to react. Mr. Cake hocked a giant spit onto the ground, sputtering loudly as he wiped his face of any speck of that unholy concoction. Pink Guy, at first shocked, grew angry with each glob that came off. His panting grew to growling to roaring, the spoon in his right hand breaking do to his grip while the bowl bent in his other. “Disgusting,” he shouted, motioning towards the exit door. “Get out of my kitchen, you freak of nature!” Pink Guy chucked the two broken pieces of spoon at the stove, one of the pieces knocking the grate off. He then threw the bowl with all of his might behind him, which flew like a Frisbee into the wall and was lodged in halfway due to the force. “AHHAHAHHAHAEEY!” Pink Guy wailed “You horsey fuckers can all go kill yourselves!” Pink Guy marched out as per Mr. Cake’s instruction, pushing the door open and walking among the stares of the perplexed public around him. “Sweetie,” called Mrs. Cake, galloping inside before stopping to another strange sight, even within the context of everything else that has gone on today, “is everything al-… oh.” “And stay out!” he shouted, turning back to see what his wife was observing, his angered quelled but slightly over the sight. Standing where Pink Guy had been was a similar bipedal creature. His skin was red and his face and hands were a light shade of brown, with a tiny tuft of black hair with golden highlights at the top of his face and a pair of thick-framed glasses over his eyes. He gingerly sprinkled cocoa powder from his pinched fingers into a fresh bowl of cake batter as he mixed it. The entire table around him was impossibly organized and clean given the timing of Pink Guy’s departure, but who knows how many chromosomes it takes for the Lycran known as Red Dick to whip up a good batch of cupcakes. “Oh, no, no, no!” shouted Mr. Cake, trotting with gusto at the new creature in his kitchen. “I’ve had it up to here with you guys, I’m not having another one ruin our business!” Red Dick relinquished his position at this station and moved aside before Mr. Cake could shove him away. “The pink one already wasted more than enough on the first batch…” Mr. Cake quickly, but reluctantly dipped his hand into Red Dick’s batter and brought a small amount to his mouth. With a series of smacks growing slower and slower as he savored the flavor, he realized that this batter was infinitely finer in quality than what Pink Guy had put together. “Honey,” Mr. Cake breathed, “you gotta’ try this. Oh, baby.” Mrs. Cake, seeing the near-instantaneous positive change of expression, came over and sampled the batter as well. Her eyes widened and she took in a deep breath, overcome by the sheer deliciousness of what Red Dick had made. “I’m sorry,” Mr. Cake said, handing his wife the bowl, “but I need to ask: Who are you now?” Red Dick reached behind him and produced a folded paper out of thin air. “小さなピンクの馬はこれであなたを残しています” The small pink horse has left you with this. Opening the note, Mr. Cake was already slightly miffed by the extra post-script left on there. P.P.S.: This one said he’s a good cook too. His name is Red Dick. Mrs. Cake appeared behind her husband and read it to herself. It was then that they suddenly heard the treble sound of Pomp and Circumstance coming from outside, near the front of the shop. “また、別,” Red Dick responded, handing the two yet another slip. Another one. Opening it, they found another post-script. P.P.P.S.: Looks like there are even more of them. Mr. and Mrs. Cake both looked to each other now. Hopefully they would be as useful as the red one. HAYBURGER PLSAuthor's Note From this point forward, right-click any link that appears to hear the accompanying track in a new tab (you may need to click the tab in order to play the track. HAYBURGER PLS Walking out from the front entrance, Mr. and Mrs. Cake were rather surprised by the sight of a large crowd that had gathered. Sugarcube Corner would not be open for at least a couple hours yet, but it was almost as if Pinkie Pie was about to unveil her entry for this year’s National Dessert Competition. Instead, what they found was probably just as shocking. Sitting on the steps, a white-skinned individual with tan hands, feet, face, and a large v-shaped section over his torso, along with a green head with large black eyes on the top, passionately played a white recorder out his nose, repetitively playing the same motif from the classic Edward Elger composition. Flexing his large, godlike muscles beside him was a virtually naked human male, save for the small, tight, patterned red underpants shielding the world from his sexy bits, and sexy he certainly was. “What in the world is going on today?” Mr. Cake commented, listening with a cringe as the green-headed musician hit the high note once again. Red Dick appeared beside him and motioned to them with his outstretched hand. “Salamander Man,” he said, his English far more fluent, but still noticeably strained, “Prometheus.” From the back of the crowd, unbeknownst to the bakery owners, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo came walking in, also looking quite perplexed over the crowd that had formed around such odd, but beautiful, entertainment. “What in the heck’s goin’ on?” Apple Bloom queried. “I don’t know,” Sweetie Belle said, nervousness in her voice, “but if all these people are here to get into Sugarcube Corner, there’s no way we’ll be able to get in my order for my birthday party.” “Relax, Scootaloo,” Sweetie Belle responded, “Pinkie Pie wouldn’t ditch us like that! I’m sure the second she sees us, she’ll make us priority numero uno.” “I guess you’re right. But still, why are there so many ponies out here?” As they began squeezing further towards the front, Salamander Man and Prometheus continued their wonderful routine. By this time, ponies trying to get a move on with their respective days had trouble getting around the crowd that had gathered. Pink Guy appeared around the side of the bakery, watching from out-of-sight as he began to lock his eyes on Prometheus. Licking his lips with intent most cheeky, he slunk like a crab around the building making his way to the chiseled human perfection. Finally, he became visible to the gathering crowd, and before Mr. Cake could see him and shoo him away, Pink Guy slapped Prometheus on the shoulder. Though every nerve in his body was padded with layers of compressed man beef, Prometheus turned to face Pink Guy, who waved at him like a man with MS whose crutches had disappeared. “Batsu!” he squeaked, shaking his balled up fist. “Batsu, batsu.” Prometheus was wary of Pink Guy ever since he defeated his creator in a similar game, but if there was anything that he would never ever turn away, it was a good old fashioned batsu game. With their fists held out before each other, they began it, much to the intrigue of the audience. “Saisho wa gu,” they both chanted, thrusting their hands down to the rhythm, “janken hoi!” Both of their hands opened up flat. A draw. Of course, this would never end there. “Aiko desho!” they chanted again, and with another shake, their hands changed. Prometheus’s hand was balled back up while Pink Guy’s was flat again. “Yaheah!” Pink Guy bellowed with a pumped fist to his side. Without even thinking about it, Pink Guy grabbed hold of Prometheus’s waistband and pulled his underpants down. “Now we can see what the hubbub is abou-” Apple Bloom said to her friends as they made it to the front, only for a blinding light to emit from Prometheus’s crotch. All the ponies quickly turned away save for Sweetie Belle. She had already laid her eyes on it; there was no saving her now. “So…” she mumbled, “lean…” Prometheus quickly concealed himself once again while glaring at Pink Guy with enough intensity to cut through a month-old piece of taffy. Salamander Man ceased his nose recorder, knowing the hell Pink Guy had unleashed for himself. Red Dick was probably the most mortified of all; he knew his creation well, and it looked as though Pink Guy would expect more than a garbage bin to the back now. With just one quick running step, Pink Guy shot away with Prometheus immediately following close. Salamander Man quickly and expertly moved his instrument squarely into his anus, and he began to play a far more daunting and complex melody. The sudden chilling and exciting music brought a sense of purpose and hyperbolic humor to the chase the two of them were in. Pink Guy and Prometheus rounded the crowd twice before Pink Guy slid to a stop at the steps to Sugarcube Corner, and before the mass of pure muscle could charge him, Pink Guy crouched down and swiped his leg to the left, thrusting up with a double spinaroonie kick, just barely grazing by Prometheus’s chin. As Prometheus shifted back, Pink Guy went low on all fours, daring him to take another shot. Prometheus lumbered forward, and Pink Guy shifted into crab stance, spun, and went for a more stationary handstand kick, but this time, the bulky homunculus was prepared. He caught Pink Guy by the ankle and swung him over his head and near the crowd. With a harder whip, Pink Guy was slammed into the ground, causing him to convulse in pain and the crowd to take a step back. “So strong…” Sweetie Belle swooned with flesh-colored hearts in her eyes. Almost immediately, Pink Guy stood to his feet with a satisfied grin on his face and bowed repeatedly at every angle toward the audience. Prometheus, also understanding his intent, gave a triumphant kneel and flex of his arms. “Woohoo!” Scootaloo cheered. With her declaration of admiration, the crowd were too goaded into cheering, but not Sweetie Belle. She was just far too enamored with Prometheus’s bulging… um, veins in his… arms. In a wide squat, Salamader Man’s face stretched in pride as he rubbed his nipples tenderly with his free fingers. “Nyayess!” he exclaimed. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were also astounded. Not so much for their show, but for how many of the townspeople they managed to rally. “Are you opening soon?” called a stallion. “We love the new mascots!” a mare called out. It wasn’t exactly what they were looking for, but if these weirdos could generate ample business for them in Pinkie’s absence, all power to them. “Uh,” called Mr. Cake, “we’ll be opening up in an hour as usual.” “And be sure to try the newest cupcake recipe,” Mrs Cake added, “made by... uh, Red Dick!” Red Dick waved to the crowd, and they applauded and roared in response. With really nothing else to do, the crowd dispersed, finding a way to kill an hour before their eventual return. “Well,” Apple Bloom said with a raised eyebrow of uncertainty, “that was something else.” “I’ll say…” breathed Sweetie Belle, still staring right at Prometheus as he reconvened with Salamander Man and Red Dick. “Hey, girls!” Mr. Cake called, trotting up to them with his wife. “So good to see you!” “Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” Scootaloo replied. “Where’s Pinkie Pie?” “Oh, about that…” Such news would be very hard to break. “Pinkie Pie had to run up north on very short notice, and I don’t think she’ll be managing your birthday party anymore.” “What?” Apple Bloom blurted. “Well that stinks!” “Oh, don’t worry!” Mrs. Cake assured them. “We will help with everything, and I guarantee your party will be just as fun as if she was here.” “What about them?” Sweetie Belle slurred, her eyes pointed at the Lycrans and homunculus. “Are theyyy coming?” “Really?” Apple Bloom wondered. “They seem a little… weird for your birthday party.” “Yeah, that's just your opinion…” “I don’t know,” Scootaloo added, her words aiming towards her yellow-filly friend. “They seemed to get the crowd going, plus, it’s her birthday, and if she wants them there, I don’t see who we are to not let them.” Apple Bloom looked back at the four alien creatures, and they each gave a unique positive gesture as if they were characters on some slice-of-life anime. “Alright,” Apple Bloom calmly relented. “I really can’t fight that reasoning.” “Okay,” Mr. Cake guffawed, “please, go along now. We still need to get the store up and running for the day.” “Alright, then,” Scootaloo said, carrying a romantically comatose Sweetie Belle away with Apple Bloom. “We have faith in you guys! See you tomorrow!” “Bye bye!” he bid with a wave. As he turned back to return to his bakery, he found Pink Guy up in his face, and he could not have looked prouder. “Can IIIIII habedepuuuusi pls?” he coyly asked. “I’m hungry, bitch. Feed me, lol.” =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= With a fist full of gold bits, Pink Guy quickly ran toward the local hayburger shop on all fours. He squeezed into the door being held for somepony else and then stood back on his feet and set his sights straight for the cashier, who already had half a dozen ponies waiting for their own turns at a meal. ‘HAYBURGER PLS!!” Pink Guy screeched, alerting every soul inside the establishment. “CAN i HABE HAYBURGER PLS!” “Mommy,” a colt wept as he turned towards his mother. Luckily, the manager, a fat, greasy stallion was behind the counters, and witnessed as the pink creature in his shop was visibly getting more antsy and anxious the more it waited. “Get this thing a hayburger so it can leave!” Immediately, a greasy paper bag was put on the counter, which was then promptly levitated by a unicorn cashier and to Pink Guy. He nonchalantly pulled the paper-wrapped burger out of the bag, which he let drop to the floor. After examining it, he looked back up to the manager with a mildly offended stare. “Ey b0ss, fuq u, mang!” he said, flipping him off. “I got a party to prepare for, I don’t have time for your shit.” With a graceless turn back, Pink Guy whipped and frisbeed his sandwhich into the glass window-walls. Much to the horror and sheer disgust of the viewers, the pieces of burger flew out of the shattered paper, most of it on the floor, some of it smearing down the window. As if he even couldn’t believe what he had done, Pink Guy bawled very loud and sprinted out of the store while wiping his eyes with his hands. Everypony was just speechless. “I don’t get payed enough for this,” the unicorn cashier said. “You and me both, kid,” the mananger quipped back. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= Mrs. Cake and Red Dick worked together in the kitchen. As Red Dick whipped up bowls and bowls of batter and frosting, Mrs. Cake would set the frosting aside and moved the batter into the cupcake tins with a rubber spatula. Once a tin was filled, Mr. Cake moved it to the ovens while Mrs. Cake moved the frosting to the fridge. The spectacle Pink Guy and Prometheus had created had indeed generated a massive surge of business, with enough ponies inside the waiting area that neither the Cakes or Red Dick could see the entrance doorway. With a nod and smirk, Red Dick ate a stack of paper cupcake cups like pringles. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= Prometheus sat upon Pinkie Pie’s bed, her pet alligator Gummy clamped down on his right hand. With visible effort, he would stretch his hand out, prying Gummy’s mouth open. Prometheus himself in all his bodily perfection grit his teeth as he tried to match the alligator’s strength. Salamander Man double timed it on his practicing. For 20 seconds, he would quickly play Hot Cross Buns twice on his nose recorder, and for another 20, he would move on to his assflute and play a moving piece by James Newton Howard, repeating the process over and over, sounding better and better with each change. Pink Guy just heaved and humped to the rhythm of the beat of Salamander Man’s music. It was going smoothly, and in no time, they would be ready to give Sweetie Belle the greatest motherfucking birthday party she would ever experience. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle was napping at home, the sweet thoughts of Prometheus making her writhe in anticipation. I REALLY FUCKING HATE FANONPink Guy slept soundly, sprawled on the floor, cooing, and often smacking his mouth. Morning had come, and it was Sweetie Belle’s big day, where she would celebrate another year that she had been on Celestia’s green earth. Birds were chirping outside, the sun was shining, and Salamander Man was already up, serenading the others with the sounds of a little Morning from Peer Gynt from the recorder that he had jammed in his nose. Everyone was already up, showered, and dressed, and only needed to wait for Pink Guy’s awakening before they could prepare for the day. Red Dick was already getting rather restless, and he stood over his friend and vomited a frothy dark liquid that looked more like gargled Pepsi over him. Pink Guy stirred but a little and curled back up into slumber. Almost immediately, Salamander Man squatted down over him with his instrument in his ass, making sure the end was just close enough to his ear without it touching. Then, with a mighty blow, a sound most loud and horrific sounded out through the instrument. Pink Guy awoke with a frightened screech and turned his head over to Salamander Man, who continued to play. Before Salamander Man could realize this, Pink Guy grabbed the recorder and blew through the other end. Salamander man yelped and hopped away, rubbing the anxiety and feelings of violation out of his nipples. Prometheus leaned down to Pink Guy’s stupid, happy face and jammed his head into the floor, breaking the wood beneath him. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= The four of them came down to the kitchen, only to be greeted by a most welcome and familiar sight. Standing there was a white skinned Lycran with a head resembling a lemon and a pale face. Beside him was a human male with greasy, parted black hair, acne that no woman of the human persuasion would consider making him look datable, and a pair of nerdy-ass wire-frame glasses. “Look,” the lemony Lycran known as Lemon said with a pointed finger, “there they are, I told you!” “Guys,” the subhuman they called Frank almost shouted in a voice that suggested a lifetime of continuous breathing through the butt of at least three cigarettes, “thank fucking Christ, I’ve been looking all over for you.” “Gyaeh!” Pink Guy exclaimed. “b0ss!” Pink Guy ran to him and gave him an awkward, but tight hug around the waist. “I’m glad that that’s settled,” Frank gurgled, “Come on, everyone, let’s go home.” “Ey?” Pink Guy suddenly said, looking up to Papa Franku with big puppy dog eyes. “Bu- bu- but… Pinkie!” “I don’t care about any of that! Let’s go everyone! Into the Honda right now!” The others refused to heed his words, standing indignantly and defiantly. “The fuck’s the matter with you? You’re not goin’ weeb on me, are you?” Red Dick stepped forward and stared Frank straight into his pink eyes. “フランクは、私たちはここに生き物と友達になっており、そのうちの一つのためにパーティーをスローするように求められています。私たちは十分な長それほど行うに宿泊することができればそれは幸せ、私たちだけでなく、ポニーになるだろう。.” “Frank, we have made friends with the creatures here and have been asked to throw a party for one of them. It would make us, as well as the ponies, happy if we could stay just long enough to do that much.” Frank shamefully looked away from his friends, realizing how much his hatred for bright colors and the innocence of children’s television has brought him down. “You’re right,” he finally admitted. “All this time I thought this realm was a poison to all but the most retarded of chimpanzees. But now I see how much joy these ponies have brought to you and the rest of the world. Maybe I was wrong about the ponies. Maybe I was wrong about a lot of things.” “Wow,” Lemon choked, wiping a juice tear from his eyes, “you really think that?” “PFFT, fuck no! But hey, I got no one cooking for me back home, so if I can get a free meal out of it, go ahead and throw your little party, I don’t give a shit!” Pink Guy let in a big gasp and the most chibi-looking face one could make in reality, and hugged Filthy Frank tighter. Red Dick, Salamander Man, and Prometheus also gathered ‘round and joined in the embrace. “Gah, I love you little fuckers so much too,” Frank hocked. “さあ、それでは、仕事に取得してみましょう。” Red Dick finally exclaimed. “Come on, let’s get to work.” =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= At Sweetie Belle’s home, the local dress shop, many ponies, most of them the same age as here, gathered to the house. Tables and seats were already set up in the front outside, and there were some decorations about to prevent the atmosphere from becoming too drab, but the real party would not start until Pink Guy and his posse would arrive. Sweetie Belle already looked nervous, even with the majority of her friends there. “Oh,” she whined, “when’s he coming?” “When’s who coming?” Diamond Tiara asked, walking to her with Silver Spoon by her side. “And who’s he?” her friend chimed in. “Doesn’t Pinkie Pie normally come right now?” “Oh, hey Diamond Tiara,” bid Sweetie Belle. “Hey Silver Spoon. Pinkie Pie’s out of town, so we got… some others to help us.” “They weren’t by chance those wierdos in front of Sugarcube Corner yesterday, were they?” “HEY!” screamed Sweetie Belle, sending the other two aback. “You don’t talk about Prometheus that way!” “Sweetie Belle!” called Apple Bloom, approaching with Scootaloo. “What’s with all the yelling?” Silver Spoon, looking off to find a suitable change of topic, suddenly found the four Lycrans, homunculus, and human walking toward the party, Prometheus pulling a massive stack of cakes and snacks on a cart. From a slight distance, Big Mac saw this and pursed his lips, clearly impressed. Sweetie Belle, seeing him, lit up like a Christmas tree, her back legs quivering and buckling in. For Pink Guy, their walkup was one that could rival Deadpool’s, but with Lil B blaring in the back of his head, he knew they were leagues above that. Beside Big Mac, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle walked up to observe their entrance. “So,” Applejack said, “these are the guys that my sis was talking about?” “The ones that showed up right when Pinkie Pie disappeared?” Rainbow Dash asked, her suspicion fueling the anger in her voice. “It seems so,” Twilight responded. “Come on, girls, let’s get to the bottom of this.” As they began to approach the six foreign creatures, they had already stopped before Sweetie Belle to drop off their things. “Prometheus!” Sweetie Belle squealed. “You’re here at last.” Prometheus did moderately well to hide the discomfort that was seeping into him through this soft, pygmy marshmallow horse. He shot Pink Guy a piercing glance through the corner of his eyes, to which he responded with a sorry shrug. “So,” Filthy Frank said, leaning down to the fillies and sporting a face like a magnet for restraining orders, “which one of you little fuckers is the birthday boy?” “Hey!” called Twilight, getting closer. “Just what are you, and what have you done with Pinkie Pie?” Frank and Lemon looked more confused while Pink Guy, Red Dick, and Salamander Man began to feel threatened. “Twilight?” Apple Bloom asked. “Didn’t you hear? Pinkie’s out of town for a few days.” “First I’m hearing about it,” grumbled Applejack. “Yeah,” added Rainbow Dash. “I hear from Pinkie about her trips at least three times the day before, and I didn’t hear from her once.” The vitriol was rising, and Pink Guy was starting to lose his sense of safety. “Maybe she forgot!” Scootaloo wondered aloud. “Unlikely,” Twilight said. “Sirs, I’ll ask one more time, where is Pinkie Pie?” Once she took a step forwards, Pink Guy could no longer take it. “O CHIN CHIN!” he cried out. As if they could feel a dark presence’s aura suddenly permeate around them, the ponies went deathly silent. Twilight Sparkle and her two friends were particularly wary as they tried to sense where this feeling was coming from. Suddenly, there was screaming from inside the Carousel Boutique, the first voice that could be heard being picked up immediately by Sweetie Belle as she continued to cling to Prometheus. “Rarity!” she called. “What’s in there?” As if to answer her question, a larger Lycra with black skin slowly slunk his way out on all fours. His eyes were two pale shapes with a black slit in the center, and his mouth was constantly stretched into a vengeful scowl. “Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo!” it called out. holy tits! where the fuck did you dickshits send me lol Twilight immediately crouched into an offensive stance, prompting Rainbow Dash and Applejack to do the same. “Careful,” she warned, “this must be their leader.” “Ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo,” it curtly replied in kind. stupid pony whore, i don’t have a clue what your talking about “Tell us where Pinkie Pie is, you fiend!” “Ayeyah! Yeahayeh!” you don’t threaten me bitch, bring it on, i'm ripped rofl “You asked for it.” Twilight charged up her horn, and Chin Chin just stood still ready to protect himself and the one who called him. “No!” bellowed a voice galloping into the frey. “Stop!” Everyone turned to see Big Mac skidding to a stop beside Applejack, panting over the fight he had just barely prevented. “Big Mac!” exclaimed Applejack. “What’s going on? Do you know where Pinkie Pie is?” “Eeyup!” he responded. “She’s in hell, like me!” Everyone, including Twilight and Applejack, were both deathly confused, but before their confusion could revert back to anger, Big Mac turned around and squatted like a dog would do before shitting, and shit he did, much to the shock of the partygoers around him. Instead of turds, however, something even more sinister came out. Another black-skinned Lycra, this one noticeably skinnier than Chin Chin came out of Big Mac’s anus accompanied by song. His eyes were covered by a pair of admittedly dope shades, and once he was pushed out to his chest, the Lycra slid quickly out of the stallions ass, and at once, Big Mac deflated, revealing his true identity as the Lycra’s disguise suit. “What is even happening today?” Rainbow Dash gagged. “Mr. Magic Man!” Frank spat, watching as he stood himself before the crowd. “What are you doing here?” “I’m here to take all that you love and eat ass!” the Lycra responded. “And I just came out of my last one!” “Pinkehhh!” Pink Guy screamed, his distress reaching critical levels. “Where’s Pinkie Pie, fuqboi?” “SHYUTTHAFUCHEUPP!” he barked back. “Where is Pinkie Pie?” Twilight cried out. “Answer me!” “She’s safe, but with or without her, you’re FUCKED!” “Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo…” Chin Chin said, exhausted. look, you stillborn waste of chromosomes, can you just give them the pink horse back so we can leave? “No! I have come all this way, and all the pieces are finally here!” “Ore wa ochinchin ga–” lol, i don’t know what you’re ta– Chin Chin’s words were painfully cut short when Mr. Magic Man suddenly appeared behind the dark god with his hand jammed into his back. Filthy Frank and his friends gasped heavily. “Your power’s mine now, beeyotch!” Mr. Magic Man laughed triumphantly. Both Mr. Magic Man and Chin Chin shook violently as the latter was drained and the former was filled with unbelievable wisdom and abilities that all gods, the old and the new, trembled before. “Ore wa ochinchin ga…” Mr. Magic Man thundered, “POWER!” “Unlimited…" “No, stop!” begged Frank. “You know not what you do!” “Pink Guy and Red Dick held each other as Chin Chin turned into a Chin Chin-shaped light and with a blinding flash, the dark lord was gone forever more. Instead, Mr. Magic Man only stood, a silver streak down the center of each frame of his glasses. “Oh, God!” wept Frank. “God can’t help you now, beeyotch!” Mr. Magic Man responded. “I was not able to defeat you with the memes, but with the dark lord’s power, I have manifested this disease within me into something far more cancerous: the fanon!” Frank yelped involuntarily, the sound of such a word already too horrible to hear. “That’s impossible! No one, not even the great Chin Chin could control such an evil power!” “On our own, you’d be right,” Mr. Magic Man said with pride, “but with him inside me, I can destroy the multirealm with my powers, and it’s all your fault!” “What, now?” Twilight queried unbeknownst to everyone else. “All I wanted you to do was love me, and now the only thing that brings me joy is to take all that you and your friends love and destroy it!” Twilight heard enough and stepped forward. “Well, you’re not getting that chance!” she boldly stated, charging her horn. “Fool!” Mr. Magic Man bellowed while in some kung-fu stance, floating up into the air. “You shall be the first example!” Flicking his hands down, two orange rays shot out of each hand and struck Twilight, causing the others to back away. Twilight had already put up a shield spell, which kept the energy from hitting her or anyone around her. Frank even gave a glimmer of a smile, hoping that she could actually win. When the rays ended, Twilight ceased her spell and looked up to Mr. Magic Man. “Is that all you have?!” she shouted. “Twily?” a sultry male voice suddenly called out. Twilight turned around, and the sight was at first terrifying as if she felt everything she was fall away from herself, but quickly turned to lust. It was her brother, Shining Armor, his red military jacket opened out and revealing his sweaty cheast. “Oh my sexy brother!” she growled lusciously. “Oh God, no!” Frank screamed. Shining Armor’s half-chub suddenly turned into a full erection as he tackled his sister, and before long, she laid her top half down with her ass fully up and her legs spread apart, inviting her brother’s manhood with her twitching horsecunt. Ponies screamed and ran for their lives as Shining Armor mounted her sister and plowed her like a 100-acre field. Frank pulled out a piece of paper and a sharpie marker, quickly, writing #TYBG upon it and quickly eating it. Frank’s hopes suddenly dipped as he continued waiting for a response from Lil B. “Twilight!” Rainbow Dash called, galloping toward her. Upon getting close, Twilight turned her head and blasted her friend with a magic spell, her face demonically contorted in anger at her. Once she was repelled far enough back, her lazy-eyed, wide smile looked came back as she continued to get fucked by her Big Brother Butt Fucker Forever. Rainbow Dash looked up to the entertained Mr. Magic Man. “Give her back!” she demanded, soaring up. “Let’s get keep this party going!” he responded, zapping her too with his powers. Before she could collide with him, he zipped up out of the way and let her land to the ground. When her hooves hit the grass, her eyes suddenly fell upon Frank. “Daddy?” she cried. “Daddy!” She galloped toward him, and as Frank turned around, she tackled him to the ground and smothered her body into his. “What the fuck!” Frank shouted, fearing for his life. “Daddy, it’s me, Dashie,” she said. “I found you at last!” “No… NO! I will not take part in your emotionally manipulative fanfiction bullshit!” “Too late, beeyotch!” replied Mr. Magic Man. “If only you loved me the same way you loved her!” “I don’t love her! GYAHH!” Filthy Frank’s words fell on deaf ears as his fake pony daughter continued to grab him and roll around with him like a child with her dad. Prometheus looked at both the incestuous nightmare and the phony familial bond with wide eyes and a constantly expressive mouth that refused to say anything. However, he found a wooden barrel beside a table that was used as a garbage bin. Mr. Magic Man laughed an evil laugh at the chaos he created, only to be pelted with the wooden barrel, which shattered upon contact. Mr. Magic Man looked down to see Prometheus with another barrel, Sweetie Belle standing beside him. Looking at his surroundings, Mr. Magic Man finally found the mint-green unicorn Lyra, and with a finger-snap and point, she was zapped with the fanon. She looked back and found Prometheus, becoming incredibly excited at his appearance despite the circumstances. “Oh my Celestia!” she shouted. “Is that a human!?” With a teleportation spell, she appeared before Prometheus and suddenly pinned him down with another spell, making him lose his barrel and subjecting himself to Lyra’s fanatic mercy. “Look at these hands,” she moaned, grinding her body against his while her hooves ran around the palms of his hands. Prometheus gasped for air like a fish, and like a fish, did not speak anything. Applejack was reduced to tears over the sight of her friends becoming what they had become, while Pink Guy, Salamander Man, and Red Dick held to each other, not knowing what hell Mr. Magic Man would subject them too. Lemon stood beside Frank, unsure of what to do himself. “Go!” Frank shouted to his Lycran friends. “Save yourselves!” Only Lemon could hear him, while the others only caught a glimpse of what he had asked. “Tickle fight!” Dashie suddenly announced. “Go on and- heeheeheeHAHAHAHAHAH!” Frank suddenly laughed. Pink Guy, Rainbow Dash, and Salamander Man looked to see their truest friend assaulted by the blue pegasus, his laughing sounding labored and agonizing. The three of them rushed to save them, only for her wings to catch them and tickle their bellies and armpits. “The more the merrier!” she chortled. “I loved making new friends with my daddy!” Lemon was now all alone as his friends were immobilized by the fanonized ponies. He crouched down with his hands on his lemon head and he began to scream. Mr. Magic Man noticed as the Lycran’s body began to glow with an intense citrusy scent. “No, you ungrateful cunt!” he screamed with an outstretched hand. “Get bbbbbbbbaaaaaaacccccckkkk........””””””” Time slowed down for Lemon as he suddenly awoke inside Realm 9.12, which appeared to be a Hoarders-level bedroom/basement filled with memorabilia of various anime and manga. The room was strangely very spacious and otherworldly, which wasn’t helped by the countless body pillows that stood along the walls like guards protecting this treasure trove of trash. Further down the hall, he could hear crying coming from an end of it, prompting Lemon to investigate. After passing shelves of nearly every volume of every known manga in existence, then passing by stacks of every Japanese-release DVD of lots and lots of anime, he finally reached the end of the room, which was a bed with once-white sheets that were now crusted and stained with old protein. On one side of the bed was a body pillow of Sakura Haruno, and beside it was a human male wearing an old, dirty female school uniform top with red-and-white striped pregnancy pants poorly concealing a large gut. “Hello?” Lemon asked him. “Why are you crying?” The man turned to Lemon and laid back down in his misery. “Hello, oh,” he said. “Bother don’t. Have no to reason I live.” “But why?” he asked, genuinely interested. “Naruto manga having ended after out found I after, knew anime would I the come an to end. Happens that when, die might I well as. Forget to Rosetta all I Japanese on Stone had, English same has learning been not and the again.” “What is your name?” “Jones Weeaboo. Least as, was I. That greatest recently it I shows and books wasn’t forgot end until that all the ever will eventually, done and I have life in nothing my, cringe one my been life has giant.” Suddenly, a marvelous thought appeared into Lemon’s head. It would quite possibly lead to his death, but if it meant the saving of his friends and the end of Mr. Magic Man’s tyrannical reign, it would be worth it. He offered Weeaboo Jones his outstretched hand. “Lend me your power,” he said. “My friends are in danger, and if we don’t save them, together, their realm, our realm, and every realm will be destroyed.” “It forget,” he said, slapping the hand away. “Naruto just of anime the rest peace I watch want in to the.” Lemon was losing him, but there was still a way. “Where I come from,” Lemon said, “life goes on forever after death, and it’s never wasted, but it’s only given to those who put themselves before others.” “Help and can I how?” “If you lend me your power, when you reach the afterlife, Naruto will never end, neither the manga or the anime, and Attack on Titan will have already released its second season and continue going into infinity. All you have to do is give me the power of your cringe.” “R- really? Promise you?” “I would never lie in the face of an ally.” With anime-style waterfall tears from his eyes, Weeaboo Jones grabbed Lemon’s hand, and the two were encompassed in light. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= “ –back here!” Mr. Magic Man shouted to Lemon. Lemon opened his eyes, now aglow with power. Biting his thumb and drawing blood, he turned around and whipped his arm out at Mr. Magic Man, a drop of his blood morphing into a small lemon and sailing straight into Mr. Magic Man’s head. Such an unprecedented amount of strength seemed to scare Mr. Magic Man. Lemon turned to face Frank and his Lycra friends, then blew into his palm, creating a cloud of lemon zest that covered them and Rainbow Dash. When it faded, their movements stopped, and they looked at each other with sheer confusion. “What exactly were we doing?” she asked. “Heyey!” Pink Guy exclaimed, pointing at Lemon. They all stood up to see Lemon encased in a golden aura facing Mr. Magic Man with death in his eyes, fueling a song of hope from nearly out of nowhere. “Bakana,” Frank was compelled to say. “He has mastered his lemonjutsu.” “His what, now?” Rainbow Dash asked. The music picked up in tempo and Lemon charged at Lyra atop of Promtheus still. With a kick, Lyra came off of Prometheus, and before she could teleport away, Lemon transmutated the dust and dirt around her into a lemony mist, and the acidity of his lemony attack made Lyra cringe and fall to the ground. When she opened her eyes, she saw Prometheus stand himself back up. “Hey it’s the guy from the bakery,” she said in a casual voice. Realizing he was free and that she was no longer crazy, Prometheus smiled and looked up to Mr. Magic Man, who was horrified over the resistance. Lemon made his way to Twilight and Shining Armor still getting it on, only for Mr. Magic Man to raise the earth around him and form a towering wall. Lemon was not so easily deterred. Shooting out lemony syrup from the side of his waist, he shot up the wall and ran up. Once he made it over he dove down towards the abominable display of incest and produced two blades in his hand made from his hardened lemon syrup. With a hero’s landing, Lemon cut Shining Armor in half, who faded away like the projection he was. Without her brother there, Twilight came to, standing up to see Rainbow Dash and the others cheering him on. She looked to him with a sense of wonder, realizing their mutual bond. “Yo,” Applejack said, coming up to them and crouching in position for a buck, “need a lift?” Lemon raised a finger to let Applejack know to wait. Reaching in his ass, he pulled out a lemon and presented it to Twilight. Pulling his hands apart while making his empty hand wider, Twilight understood the gesture with a nod. Lemon tossed the lemon to Prometheus and jumped up towards Applejack, who already started reeling her legs back. As Applejack pushed up and launched Lemon at Mr. Magic Man, Twilight cast a spell on the lemon and made it the size of a barrel. Prometheus caught the fruit with ease and looked up just in time to see Lemon catch Mr. Magic Man and throw each other into the ground. The two of them began to wrestle, with Lemon getting the upper hand. “Do it!” Lemon shouted, knowing the moment was opportune. Prometheus ran to Mr. Magic Man with the lemon and raised it up behind him, intending to strike. Before Lemon could get caught, Twilight teleported herself to his side and grabbed him, teleporting away just in time. Prometheus slammed the lemon atop of Mr. Magic Man, the cringy sourness completely destroying the bond between Mr. Magic Man and Chin Chin. Mr. Magic Man was unconscious while Chin Chin hopped away. “Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo.” god, what a retarded fight that was lol Mr. Magic Man then began to fade away in a light and morph into a pony, only for the pony to turn out to be Pinkie Pie. “Whoa,” she said, “where am I?” “Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. She, Twilight, Applejack, ran over and gave their friend a long overdue hug. Pink Guy even joined in, happy to see her alive and well. “Wow,” Pinkie Pie chirped, “getting greeted by old and new friends!” While the ponies welcomed their friend back, Frank, Red Dick, Salamander Man, and Prometheus gathered around Lemon, who writhed as his lemony head grew moldy. “Lemon,” Frank said, choking up, “you saved us all. But how?” “Ra…” he tried to say, too weak to remember English. “Rasengan.” “Rasengan?” Frank wondered aloud, suddenly realizing the terrible truth. “No… You didn’t…” Before Frank could lose it, Red Dick put his hand on his shoulder. “私の友人を泣かないで,” he said. “最初に彼の悲惨さから彼を置きます。あなたは悲しむことができます。” “Don’t cry, my friend. Put him out of his misery first. Then you can mourn.” Frank stood still, unsure whether he could do that to such a brave soul and friend. “Rasengan!” Lemon shouted, his mold growing fast. “Rasen–” Frank immediately shot Lemon in the head with his arm crossing under his knee, but he did so with a proud smile on his face. Many of his former friends did deserve to die, whether it be becoming weeaboos or terrible internet rappers, but Lemon did not deserve to go, but chose to anyway. His death deserved honor, and honor is what he got. Gibe de Pusi B0ssFilthy Frank and all of his friends stood inside Princess Celestia’s chambers beside Twilight and her friends, also including Fluttershy, Rarity, and Spike, all of whom minus the dragon had saddlebags on their back. They, along with Celestia, Princess Luna, and the royal guards lining the way, looked up at a stained glass window with Lemon on it, and by that, I mean there was a moderately competent color-pencil drawing on a basic stained glass window held by Scotch tape. Regardless, Frank and his friends could not be more proud of their friend’s accomplishment. “He did it,” Frank stated. “He saved this world, and he will be remembered for generations.” The paper drawing unstuck from the wall, where it fluttered to the ground beside a guard. The guard pinned the paper beneath his boot and kicked it back toward the wall to be thrown out later. “So,” Frank said to the princesses, “my friend has saved your world and gave his life to do so. In return, we would like a fuckton of gold for our services.” “Are you insane?” Luna bellowed. “Your friends endangered the lives of our ponies, and you shot one of them dead before we could have helped him!” “What, you mean Mr. Magic Man?! Fuck that guy, he’s an asshole! And Lemon was turning into a fucking weeaboo! What else was I supposed to do?” “Enough! The fact that my sister and I haven’t returned you all to your home only serves as a testament to our patience!” “Luna,” cooed Celestia, “that’s enough.” She then turned to face them. “While I agree with my sister that your existence here is what started this mess from the beginning…” “Ore wa,” Chin Chin breathed under his breath. cunt, lol “…I still acknowledge that without your friend’s help, we indeed would have been met with a terrible fate. For that, I may grant you one reasonable favor from me.” Pink Guy stepped up, and the princesses looked to him, awaiting his request. “Can I…” he said meekly. “Can I…” The princesses leaned in, unsure of when he would finally spit it out. “Can I habe de pusi pls?” “I want to be inside one of you, rotfl!” “Pussy?” Fluttershy wondered. “I know, I’ll let you adopt one of my cats!” “No!” Frank barked at her with a sharp wave of his arm. His outburst sent all but the guards aback, and knowing what he had to do, he calmed down and went back to the princesses. “What he meant to say was…” he said with much sincerity, “that he’d like to say goodbye to the chillins, you know what I’m sayin’, dawg?” Celestia and Luna looked to each other crossly. It was quite informal how he addressed them, but his wish seemed harmless enough, and it would send them out of their hair once and for all. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= Sweetie Belle was playing with her friends out at a mostly vacant park, only for Frank and his friends to approach them. While Apple Bloom and Scootaloo acknowledged their appearance, Sweetie Belle looked glad to see them. “Guys,” she said, able to look them all in the eye without staring at Prometheus, “what are you doing here?” “Look kid,” Frank said, “we have to go home now. Personally, I would have gone straight the fuck back to my crib by now and made an oil drum of ramen for dinner, but there’s someone who just wants to say goodbye before we leave.” Pink Guy stepped forwards and knelt down to the three fillies, each of whom began to approach him. He then outstretched his arms for a big hug. “Gibe de pusi, b0ss,” he invited with an inward motion towards himself with this fingers. “Come here.” The three fillies leapt into his embrace and he held them tight for as long as they would allow. The lycrans and Prometheus looked quite touched by this farewell, especially Salamander Man, who rubbed his nipples far slower than usual. Pink Guy felt that the hug was beginning to go a bit too long, but he suddenly formed a shit-eating grin on his face and turned to Chin Chin. “ey, b0ss!” he shouted. “Hurry, lol, while they’re distracted!” “Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuke,” he replied. i thought you’d never ask! One jumpcut later, everyone was transported to Frank’s apartment’s living room, the three fillies still in Pink Guy’s grasp confused by their new, alien surroundings. “Hey,” Scootaloo said, “where did we go?” Before they could get an answer, Salamander Man pulled a belt from beneath a pile of syringes on the floor and lashed Red Dick across the back as hard as he humanly could. “Ow, motherfucker!” Red Dick screamed in fluent af English, succumbing to his knees. Pink Guy smiled and let the fillies go, glad to be back home to play with his friends. Sweetie Bell and her two friends suddenly got frightened and backed into a moldy sofa, watching the chaos unfold again. Chin Chin spread himself on his fours and screamed otherworldly yelps with a spinning of his head while Red Dick drop kicked Salamander Man and Pink Guy dry-humped Prometheus. “What’s going on?” cried Apple Bloom, with tears in her eyes. Frank dove to the ground inches from their bodies and shouted, “Welcome to the rice fields, motherfuckeeeee…” Frank’s declaration was cut off as Red Dick pulled him away so that Prometheus could swing Pink Guy down by his leg and onto Frank’s back. “Gyaeh!” Pink Guy yelped. “My fucking ribs!” cried Frank, his back arched in agony. As the violence-orgy continued on, no one noticed as Creepy Dude, with his deflated head and black skin, rushed in and snatched the three screaming fillies, going straight into Frank’s bedroom where they would most likely never be seen again. Author's Note
PINK GUY COOKS CUPCAKES AND RAPSMr. Cake’s eyes were harshly illuminated by the crack of sunlight that crept in between the sliver between his window’s drapes. He honestly preferred mornings like this when he didn’t have to get up because Pound or Pumpkin Cake were crying for something. Turning to his still snoozing wife, he gave her a soft kiss before he slowly rolled from his bed and to his hooves, hoping to not wake her. Tip-hoofing to a wardrobe, he grabbed a large red and white-striped towel and crept out of the room. Mrs. Cake rolled to the center of the bed, happy to have more room to herself. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= Mr. Cake walked out of the steamy bathroom with his wet, heavy towel held firmly in his teeth. As he breathed in through his nose, he could faintly detect something amiss. Peering into his bedroom through the ajar doorway, he saw his wife already sitting up and reading a novel. Pushing the door open and dropping his towel to the floor, it alerted Mrs. Cake to his presence. “Hey, honey,” he said, unsure of the importance of telling her or not, “doesn’t Pinkie usually have the ovens warming up by now?” “Usually…” she remarked with a hoof on her chin, “but she’s been so busy with Twilight and her friends, that we could probably let her sleep in once in a while.” “Heh, I suppose you’re right.” Without another word, he slipped back out into the hallway towards the staircase that would lead him down to the shop that he and his wife ran together. Passing by Pinkie Pie’s bedroom door, he had the thought of opening her door to check on her, but remembering his wife’s words, he smirked warmly and made his way down the steps. Appearing in the shop’s foyer, he gave a sigh of content as he went around the counter and back toward the kitchen. As he reached the entryway… “ey b0ss!” Almost out of nowhere and fast as lightning, a bipedal creature with pink skin all over his body save for his tan face and hands popped out from behind and gave a wave and a smile that appeared almost cartoonish in its innocence. “GYAHHH!” Mr. Cake shrieked, leaping back into the waiting area. Hitting the back of his head, on the floor, he was too disoriented to move away from the pink thing as performed a spinaroonie beside him and then began to do fly-looking pushups atop of him. “Sweetie!” cried Mrs. Cake, her voice at the top of the stairs. “What happened? Are you okay?” “Habe u s33n a Pinkie, plz?” the thing seemed to respond, his English very strained. Just as Mr. Cake began to come to, he noticed a piece of paper stapled to the creature’s chest. Pulling it off, he began to read, squinting over how close to illegible it was written. “Sweetie!!” shrieked Mrs. Cake coming closer. “Get off of him, you monster!” With a devious looking smile, it responded, “Eeyagh roaiyahhh!” I come bearing important news, you dumb horse cunt lol “Hold on!” Mr. Cake said. He began to sit himself up against the pink creature, which, to both his and his wifes’ surprises, cordially got off of him and stood to the side. “This thing had a note on it.” She stood by his side as he began to read the note aloud. Dear Cakes, I’m sorry I’m writing this on such short notice, but I need to run to the Crystal Empire for a couple of days! It’s okay though! I found this cutie. He said he’d cover for me until I get back! He’s says he’s a pretty good cook. I trust him entirely. Well, see you soon! Say hi to my favorite colt and filly for me! Love, Pinkie Pie P.S. His name is Pink Guy! It rhymes with mine! Isn’t that funny? The two of them looked back at the creature named Pink Guy in bewilderment, who was hunched over, still sporting that dumb, smug smirk on his head, and awaiting for them to speak to it. “Um…” he attempted to question, “so Pink Guy-” “-b0ss,” he curtly replied, now lying on the floor in a sultry pose, running circles along his ass with an index finger. “Yes, so, um, being that I will be your, uh… boss, I need you to uh… help make this morning’s batch of cupcakes for the early rush.” With inhuman speed and precision, Pink Guy flipped onto his fours in a frog-like stance, then turning back to them with an extremely enthusiastic thumb up and grin. He then proceeded to charge into the kitchen like a Scurrying Beast from Bloodborne, but not before throwing himself through the kitchen doorway. Mr. and Mrs. Cake winced upon hearing the sound of falling pots and pans along with his hard landing, accompanied with his exclamation of “oh FUQ!” The two were silent together, unsure of what could have possessed Pinkie Pie to allow such a violently silly creature into their house. “Should we call someone?” she asked. “I’ll see if Twilight’s available,” he responded, slinking towards the exit. “Good plan. I’ll go check on the foals.” Pink Guy, all alone in the kitchen with all the tools and ingredients he could need on the counter sported a rather serious look, looking directly towards a non existent camera. He was given a task most important by the pink-furred pony, and there was no way he would disappoint her or her employers, no way, no how! In fact, it began to inspire him to spit some funky lyrics. Yo, I make confection to perfection courtesy of Pink Guy to Pinkie Pie, Not talking ‘bout that other pink pie called pussy, guy, But speaking of dessert, I make cupcakes and money and then I bake them harder than I do on April 20. I shower May flour over eggs in a bowl, don’t you forget to fill it full of sugar, yes please, now get down on your knees, you gotta squeeze the butter to get it creamy like when I bust a nut inside of my jeans. Now, I prefer Mom’s funfetti, Got more color than a bag of M&Ms, Aunt Em would be blown away by what I’m making here today, I got so much color in this batter, you would think I was gay. (but I’m not) I can tell you what I am, I am a killa’ with vanilla with the lyrics most ill from this side of Ponyville. I’m like a zebra with the number of times I land the rhymes, Zecora couldn't hold a candle to me, no one can handle me. I slide em’ in the oven, only seconds to spare I care ‘bout representing the ponies that that threw me a bony I don’t need a fucking mixtape to prove that I’m fire, Cus’ unlike you, I’m popping crystal in the Crystal Empire. Curious over Pink Guy’s supposed, progress, Mr. Cake peered inside to see Pink Guy grunting with the largest fucking grin on his face as he viciously stirred the batter in a metal bowl while stomping around the kitchen, his legs as wide apart as his stance could allow. The sight of such culinary animalism was shocking enough, but what alarmed Mr. Cake the most was the amount of batter getting whipped onto the floor and the tables while leaving the cupcake tins virtually spotless. “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” shouted Mr. Cake, running inside. Before Mr. Cake could take the bowl away, Pink Guy jumped 180 degrees perfectly before him and painted the front of his muzzle with the wooden spoon, leaving a sizable streak of uncooked batter over the front of it. Mr. Cake was frozen, unsure of how to respond next, but seeing Pink Guy visibly calmer indicated he was about to tell him something. Pink Guy smiled again so that he cheeks almost covered his eyes and he quickly licked his upper lip in quick repetition, a series of small popping sounds appearing just as fast. Understanding the crude gesture, Mr. Cake scraped a small amount of the batter from his upper lip with his tongue, but it didn’t take him long to react. Mr. Cake hocked a giant spit onto the ground, sputtering loudly as he wiped his face of any speck of that unholy concoction. Pink Guy, at first shocked, grew angry with each glob that came off. His panting grew to growling to roaring, the spoon in his right hand breaking do to his grip while the bowl bent in his other. “Disgusting,” he shouted, motioning towards the exit door. “Get out of my kitchen, you freak of nature!” Pink Guy chucked the two broken pieces of spoon at the stove, one of the pieces knocking the grate off. He then threw the bowl with all of his might behind him, which flew like a Frisbee into the wall and was lodged in halfway due to the force. “AHHAHAHHAHAEEY!” Pink Guy wailed “You horsey fuckers can all go kill yourselves!” Pink Guy marched out as per Mr. Cake’s instruction, pushing the door open and walking among the stares of the perplexed public around him. “Sweetie,” called Mrs. Cake, galloping inside before stopping to another strange sight, even within the context of everything else that has gone on today, “is everything al-… oh.” “And stay out!” he shouted, turning back to see what his wife was observing, his angered quelled but slightly over the sight. Standing where Pink Guy had been was a similar bipedal creature. His skin was red and his face and hands were a light shade of brown, with a tiny tuft of black hair with golden highlights at the top of his face and a pair of thick-framed glasses over his eyes. He gingerly sprinkled cocoa powder from his pinched fingers into a fresh bowl of cake batter as he mixed it. The entire table around him was impossibly organized and clean given the timing of Pink Guy’s departure, but who knows how many chromosomes it takes for the Lycran known as Red Dick to whip up a good batch of cupcakes. “Oh, no, no, no!” shouted Mr. Cake, trotting with gusto at the new creature in his kitchen. “I’ve had it up to here with you guys, I’m not having another one ruin our business!” Red Dick relinquished his position at this station and moved aside before Mr. Cake could shove him away. “The pink one already wasted more than enough on the first batch…” Mr. Cake quickly, but reluctantly dipped his hand into Red Dick’s batter and brought a small amount to his mouth. With a series of smacks growing slower and slower as he savored the flavor, he realized that this batter was infinitely finer in quality than what Pink Guy had put together. “Honey,” Mr. Cake breathed, “you gotta’ try this. Oh, baby.” Mrs. Cake, seeing the near-instantaneous positive change of expression, came over and sampled the batter as well. Her eyes widened and she took in a deep breath, overcome by the sheer deliciousness of what Red Dick had made. “I’m sorry,” Mr. Cake said, handing his wife the bowl, “but I need to ask: Who are you now?” Red Dick reached behind him and produced a folded paper out of thin air. “小さなピンクの馬はこれであなたを残しています” The small pink horse has left you with this. Opening the note, Mr. Cake was already slightly miffed by the extra post-script left on there. P.P.S.: This one said he’s a good cook too. His name is Red Dick. Mrs. Cake appeared behind her husband and read it to herself. It was then that they suddenly heard the treble sound of Pomp and Circumstance coming from outside, near the front of the shop. “また、別,” Red Dick responded, handing the two yet another slip. Another one. Opening it, they found another post-script. P.P.P.S.: Looks like there are even more of them. Mr. and Mrs. Cake both looked to each other now. Hopefully they would be as useful as the red one.
HAYBURGER PLSAuthor's Note From this point forward, right-click any link that appears to hear the accompanying track in a new tab (you may need to click the tab in order to play the track. HAYBURGER PLS Walking out from the front entrance, Mr. and Mrs. Cake were rather surprised by the sight of a large crowd that had gathered. Sugarcube Corner would not be open for at least a couple hours yet, but it was almost as if Pinkie Pie was about to unveil her entry for this year’s National Dessert Competition. Instead, what they found was probably just as shocking. Sitting on the steps, a white-skinned individual with tan hands, feet, face, and a large v-shaped section over his torso, along with a green head with large black eyes on the top, passionately played a white recorder out his nose, repetitively playing the same motif from the classic Edward Elger composition. Flexing his large, godlike muscles beside him was a virtually naked human male, save for the small, tight, patterned red underpants shielding the world from his sexy bits, and sexy he certainly was. “What in the world is going on today?” Mr. Cake commented, listening with a cringe as the green-headed musician hit the high note once again. Red Dick appeared beside him and motioned to them with his outstretched hand. “Salamander Man,” he said, his English far more fluent, but still noticeably strained, “Prometheus.” From the back of the crowd, unbeknownst to the bakery owners, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo came walking in, also looking quite perplexed over the crowd that had formed around such odd, but beautiful, entertainment. “What in the heck’s goin’ on?” Apple Bloom queried. “I don’t know,” Sweetie Belle said, nervousness in her voice, “but if all these people are here to get into Sugarcube Corner, there’s no way we’ll be able to get in my order for my birthday party.” “Relax, Scootaloo,” Sweetie Belle responded, “Pinkie Pie wouldn’t ditch us like that! I’m sure the second she sees us, she’ll make us priority numero uno.” “I guess you’re right. But still, why are there so many ponies out here?” As they began squeezing further towards the front, Salamander Man and Prometheus continued their wonderful routine. By this time, ponies trying to get a move on with their respective days had trouble getting around the crowd that had gathered. Pink Guy appeared around the side of the bakery, watching from out-of-sight as he began to lock his eyes on Prometheus. Licking his lips with intent most cheeky, he slunk like a crab around the building making his way to the chiseled human perfection. Finally, he became visible to the gathering crowd, and before Mr. Cake could see him and shoo him away, Pink Guy slapped Prometheus on the shoulder. Though every nerve in his body was padded with layers of compressed man beef, Prometheus turned to face Pink Guy, who waved at him like a man with MS whose crutches had disappeared. “Batsu!” he squeaked, shaking his balled up fist. “Batsu, batsu.” Prometheus was wary of Pink Guy ever since he defeated his creator in a similar game, but if there was anything that he would never ever turn away, it was a good old fashioned batsu game. With their fists held out before each other, they began it, much to the intrigue of the audience. “Saisho wa gu,” they both chanted, thrusting their hands down to the rhythm, “janken hoi!” Both of their hands opened up flat. A draw. Of course, this would never end there. “Aiko desho!” they chanted again, and with another shake, their hands changed. Prometheus’s hand was balled back up while Pink Guy’s was flat again. “Yaheah!” Pink Guy bellowed with a pumped fist to his side. Without even thinking about it, Pink Guy grabbed hold of Prometheus’s waistband and pulled his underpants down. “Now we can see what the hubbub is abou-” Apple Bloom said to her friends as they made it to the front, only for a blinding light to emit from Prometheus’s crotch. All the ponies quickly turned away save for Sweetie Belle. She had already laid her eyes on it; there was no saving her now. “So…” she mumbled, “lean…” Prometheus quickly concealed himself once again while glaring at Pink Guy with enough intensity to cut through a month-old piece of taffy. Salamander Man ceased his nose recorder, knowing the hell Pink Guy had unleashed for himself. Red Dick was probably the most mortified of all; he knew his creation well, and it looked as though Pink Guy would expect more than a garbage bin to the back now. With just one quick running step, Pink Guy shot away with Prometheus immediately following close. Salamander Man quickly and expertly moved his instrument squarely into his anus, and he began to play a far more daunting and complex melody. The sudden chilling and exciting music brought a sense of purpose and hyperbolic humor to the chase the two of them were in. Pink Guy and Prometheus rounded the crowd twice before Pink Guy slid to a stop at the steps to Sugarcube Corner, and before the mass of pure muscle could charge him, Pink Guy crouched down and swiped his leg to the left, thrusting up with a double spinaroonie kick, just barely grazing by Prometheus’s chin. As Prometheus shifted back, Pink Guy went low on all fours, daring him to take another shot. Prometheus lumbered forward, and Pink Guy shifted into crab stance, spun, and went for a more stationary handstand kick, but this time, the bulky homunculus was prepared. He caught Pink Guy by the ankle and swung him over his head and near the crowd. With a harder whip, Pink Guy was slammed into the ground, causing him to convulse in pain and the crowd to take a step back. “So strong…” Sweetie Belle swooned with flesh-colored hearts in her eyes. Almost immediately, Pink Guy stood to his feet with a satisfied grin on his face and bowed repeatedly at every angle toward the audience. Prometheus, also understanding his intent, gave a triumphant kneel and flex of his arms. “Woohoo!” Scootaloo cheered. With her declaration of admiration, the crowd were too goaded into cheering, but not Sweetie Belle. She was just far too enamored with Prometheus’s bulging… um, veins in his… arms. In a wide squat, Salamader Man’s face stretched in pride as he rubbed his nipples tenderly with his free fingers. “Nyayess!” he exclaimed. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were also astounded. Not so much for their show, but for how many of the townspeople they managed to rally. “Are you opening soon?” called a stallion. “We love the new mascots!” a mare called out. It wasn’t exactly what they were looking for, but if these weirdos could generate ample business for them in Pinkie’s absence, all power to them. “Uh,” called Mr. Cake, “we’ll be opening up in an hour as usual.” “And be sure to try the newest cupcake recipe,” Mrs Cake added, “made by... uh, Red Dick!” Red Dick waved to the crowd, and they applauded and roared in response. With really nothing else to do, the crowd dispersed, finding a way to kill an hour before their eventual return. “Well,” Apple Bloom said with a raised eyebrow of uncertainty, “that was something else.” “I’ll say…” breathed Sweetie Belle, still staring right at Prometheus as he reconvened with Salamander Man and Red Dick. “Hey, girls!” Mr. Cake called, trotting up to them with his wife. “So good to see you!” “Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” Scootaloo replied. “Where’s Pinkie Pie?” “Oh, about that…” Such news would be very hard to break. “Pinkie Pie had to run up north on very short notice, and I don’t think she’ll be managing your birthday party anymore.” “What?” Apple Bloom blurted. “Well that stinks!” “Oh, don’t worry!” Mrs. Cake assured them. “We will help with everything, and I guarantee your party will be just as fun as if she was here.” “What about them?” Sweetie Belle slurred, her eyes pointed at the Lycrans and homunculus. “Are theyyy coming?” “Really?” Apple Bloom wondered. “They seem a little… weird for your birthday party.” “Yeah, that's just your opinion…” “I don’t know,” Scootaloo added, her words aiming towards her yellow-filly friend. “They seemed to get the crowd going, plus, it’s her birthday, and if she wants them there, I don’t see who we are to not let them.” Apple Bloom looked back at the four alien creatures, and they each gave a unique positive gesture as if they were characters on some slice-of-life anime. “Alright,” Apple Bloom calmly relented. “I really can’t fight that reasoning.” “Okay,” Mr. Cake guffawed, “please, go along now. We still need to get the store up and running for the day.” “Alright, then,” Scootaloo said, carrying a romantically comatose Sweetie Belle away with Apple Bloom. “We have faith in you guys! See you tomorrow!” “Bye bye!” he bid with a wave. As he turned back to return to his bakery, he found Pink Guy up in his face, and he could not have looked prouder. “Can IIIIII habedepuuuusi pls?” he coyly asked. “I’m hungry, bitch. Feed me, lol.” =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= With a fist full of gold bits, Pink Guy quickly ran toward the local hayburger shop on all fours. He squeezed into the door being held for somepony else and then stood back on his feet and set his sights straight for the cashier, who already had half a dozen ponies waiting for their own turns at a meal. ‘HAYBURGER PLS!!” Pink Guy screeched, alerting every soul inside the establishment. “CAN i HABE HAYBURGER PLS!” “Mommy,” a colt wept as he turned towards his mother. Luckily, the manager, a fat, greasy stallion was behind the counters, and witnessed as the pink creature in his shop was visibly getting more antsy and anxious the more it waited. “Get this thing a hayburger so it can leave!” Immediately, a greasy paper bag was put on the counter, which was then promptly levitated by a unicorn cashier and to Pink Guy. He nonchalantly pulled the paper-wrapped burger out of the bag, which he let drop to the floor. After examining it, he looked back up to the manager with a mildly offended stare. “Ey b0ss, fuq u, mang!” he said, flipping him off. “I got a party to prepare for, I don’t have time for your shit.” With a graceless turn back, Pink Guy whipped and frisbeed his sandwhich into the glass window-walls. Much to the horror and sheer disgust of the viewers, the pieces of burger flew out of the shattered paper, most of it on the floor, some of it smearing down the window. As if he even couldn’t believe what he had done, Pink Guy bawled very loud and sprinted out of the store while wiping his eyes with his hands. Everypony was just speechless. “I don’t get payed enough for this,” the unicorn cashier said. “You and me both, kid,” the mananger quipped back. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= Mrs. Cake and Red Dick worked together in the kitchen. As Red Dick whipped up bowls and bowls of batter and frosting, Mrs. Cake would set the frosting aside and moved the batter into the cupcake tins with a rubber spatula. Once a tin was filled, Mr. Cake moved it to the ovens while Mrs. Cake moved the frosting to the fridge. The spectacle Pink Guy and Prometheus had created had indeed generated a massive surge of business, with enough ponies inside the waiting area that neither the Cakes or Red Dick could see the entrance doorway. With a nod and smirk, Red Dick ate a stack of paper cupcake cups like pringles. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= Prometheus sat upon Pinkie Pie’s bed, her pet alligator Gummy clamped down on his right hand. With visible effort, he would stretch his hand out, prying Gummy’s mouth open. Prometheus himself in all his bodily perfection grit his teeth as he tried to match the alligator’s strength. Salamander Man double timed it on his practicing. For 20 seconds, he would quickly play Hot Cross Buns twice on his nose recorder, and for another 20, he would move on to his assflute and play a moving piece by James Newton Howard, repeating the process over and over, sounding better and better with each change. Pink Guy just heaved and humped to the rhythm of the beat of Salamander Man’s music. It was going smoothly, and in no time, they would be ready to give Sweetie Belle the greatest motherfucking birthday party she would ever experience. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle was napping at home, the sweet thoughts of Prometheus making her writhe in anticipation.
I REALLY FUCKING HATE FANONPink Guy slept soundly, sprawled on the floor, cooing, and often smacking his mouth. Morning had come, and it was Sweetie Belle’s big day, where she would celebrate another year that she had been on Celestia’s green earth. Birds were chirping outside, the sun was shining, and Salamander Man was already up, serenading the others with the sounds of a little Morning from Peer Gynt from the recorder that he had jammed in his nose. Everyone was already up, showered, and dressed, and only needed to wait for Pink Guy’s awakening before they could prepare for the day. Red Dick was already getting rather restless, and he stood over his friend and vomited a frothy dark liquid that looked more like gargled Pepsi over him. Pink Guy stirred but a little and curled back up into slumber. Almost immediately, Salamander Man squatted down over him with his instrument in his ass, making sure the end was just close enough to his ear without it touching. Then, with a mighty blow, a sound most loud and horrific sounded out through the instrument. Pink Guy awoke with a frightened screech and turned his head over to Salamander Man, who continued to play. Before Salamander Man could realize this, Pink Guy grabbed the recorder and blew through the other end. Salamander man yelped and hopped away, rubbing the anxiety and feelings of violation out of his nipples. Prometheus leaned down to Pink Guy’s stupid, happy face and jammed his head into the floor, breaking the wood beneath him. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= The four of them came down to the kitchen, only to be greeted by a most welcome and familiar sight. Standing there was a white skinned Lycran with a head resembling a lemon and a pale face. Beside him was a human male with greasy, parted black hair, acne that no woman of the human persuasion would consider making him look datable, and a pair of nerdy-ass wire-frame glasses. “Look,” the lemony Lycran known as Lemon said with a pointed finger, “there they are, I told you!” “Guys,” the subhuman they called Frank almost shouted in a voice that suggested a lifetime of continuous breathing through the butt of at least three cigarettes, “thank fucking Christ, I’ve been looking all over for you.” “Gyaeh!” Pink Guy exclaimed. “b0ss!” Pink Guy ran to him and gave him an awkward, but tight hug around the waist. “I’m glad that that’s settled,” Frank gurgled, “Come on, everyone, let’s go home.” “Ey?” Pink Guy suddenly said, looking up to Papa Franku with big puppy dog eyes. “Bu- bu- but… Pinkie!” “I don’t care about any of that! Let’s go everyone! Into the Honda right now!” The others refused to heed his words, standing indignantly and defiantly. “The fuck’s the matter with you? You’re not goin’ weeb on me, are you?” Red Dick stepped forward and stared Frank straight into his pink eyes. “フランクは、私たちはここに生き物と友達になっており、そのうちの一つのためにパーティーをスローするように求められています。私たちは十分な長それほど行うに宿泊することができればそれは幸せ、私たちだけでなく、ポニーになるだろう。.” “Frank, we have made friends with the creatures here and have been asked to throw a party for one of them. It would make us, as well as the ponies, happy if we could stay just long enough to do that much.” Frank shamefully looked away from his friends, realizing how much his hatred for bright colors and the innocence of children’s television has brought him down. “You’re right,” he finally admitted. “All this time I thought this realm was a poison to all but the most retarded of chimpanzees. But now I see how much joy these ponies have brought to you and the rest of the world. Maybe I was wrong about the ponies. Maybe I was wrong about a lot of things.” “Wow,” Lemon choked, wiping a juice tear from his eyes, “you really think that?” “PFFT, fuck no! But hey, I got no one cooking for me back home, so if I can get a free meal out of it, go ahead and throw your little party, I don’t give a shit!” Pink Guy let in a big gasp and the most chibi-looking face one could make in reality, and hugged Filthy Frank tighter. Red Dick, Salamander Man, and Prometheus also gathered ‘round and joined in the embrace. “Gah, I love you little fuckers so much too,” Frank hocked. “さあ、それでは、仕事に取得してみましょう。” Red Dick finally exclaimed. “Come on, let’s get to work.” =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= At Sweetie Belle’s home, the local dress shop, many ponies, most of them the same age as here, gathered to the house. Tables and seats were already set up in the front outside, and there were some decorations about to prevent the atmosphere from becoming too drab, but the real party would not start until Pink Guy and his posse would arrive. Sweetie Belle already looked nervous, even with the majority of her friends there. “Oh,” she whined, “when’s he coming?” “When’s who coming?” Diamond Tiara asked, walking to her with Silver Spoon by her side. “And who’s he?” her friend chimed in. “Doesn’t Pinkie Pie normally come right now?” “Oh, hey Diamond Tiara,” bid Sweetie Belle. “Hey Silver Spoon. Pinkie Pie’s out of town, so we got… some others to help us.” “They weren’t by chance those wierdos in front of Sugarcube Corner yesterday, were they?” “HEY!” screamed Sweetie Belle, sending the other two aback. “You don’t talk about Prometheus that way!” “Sweetie Belle!” called Apple Bloom, approaching with Scootaloo. “What’s with all the yelling?” Silver Spoon, looking off to find a suitable change of topic, suddenly found the four Lycrans, homunculus, and human walking toward the party, Prometheus pulling a massive stack of cakes and snacks on a cart. From a slight distance, Big Mac saw this and pursed his lips, clearly impressed. Sweetie Belle, seeing him, lit up like a Christmas tree, her back legs quivering and buckling in. For Pink Guy, their walkup was one that could rival Deadpool’s, but with Lil B blaring in the back of his head, he knew they were leagues above that. Beside Big Mac, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle walked up to observe their entrance. “So,” Applejack said, “these are the guys that my sis was talking about?” “The ones that showed up right when Pinkie Pie disappeared?” Rainbow Dash asked, her suspicion fueling the anger in her voice. “It seems so,” Twilight responded. “Come on, girls, let’s get to the bottom of this.” As they began to approach the six foreign creatures, they had already stopped before Sweetie Belle to drop off their things. “Prometheus!” Sweetie Belle squealed. “You’re here at last.” Prometheus did moderately well to hide the discomfort that was seeping into him through this soft, pygmy marshmallow horse. He shot Pink Guy a piercing glance through the corner of his eyes, to which he responded with a sorry shrug. “So,” Filthy Frank said, leaning down to the fillies and sporting a face like a magnet for restraining orders, “which one of you little fuckers is the birthday boy?” “Hey!” called Twilight, getting closer. “Just what are you, and what have you done with Pinkie Pie?” Frank and Lemon looked more confused while Pink Guy, Red Dick, and Salamander Man began to feel threatened. “Twilight?” Apple Bloom asked. “Didn’t you hear? Pinkie’s out of town for a few days.” “First I’m hearing about it,” grumbled Applejack. “Yeah,” added Rainbow Dash. “I hear from Pinkie about her trips at least three times the day before, and I didn’t hear from her once.” The vitriol was rising, and Pink Guy was starting to lose his sense of safety. “Maybe she forgot!” Scootaloo wondered aloud. “Unlikely,” Twilight said. “Sirs, I’ll ask one more time, where is Pinkie Pie?” Once she took a step forwards, Pink Guy could no longer take it. “O CHIN CHIN!” he cried out. As if they could feel a dark presence’s aura suddenly permeate around them, the ponies went deathly silent. Twilight Sparkle and her two friends were particularly wary as they tried to sense where this feeling was coming from. Suddenly, there was screaming from inside the Carousel Boutique, the first voice that could be heard being picked up immediately by Sweetie Belle as she continued to cling to Prometheus. “Rarity!” she called. “What’s in there?” As if to answer her question, a larger Lycra with black skin slowly slunk his way out on all fours. His eyes were two pale shapes with a black slit in the center, and his mouth was constantly stretched into a vengeful scowl. “Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo!” it called out. holy tits! where the fuck did you dickshits send me lol Twilight immediately crouched into an offensive stance, prompting Rainbow Dash and Applejack to do the same. “Careful,” she warned, “this must be their leader.” “Ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo,” it curtly replied in kind. stupid pony whore, i don’t have a clue what your talking about “Tell us where Pinkie Pie is, you fiend!” “Ayeyah! Yeahayeh!” you don’t threaten me bitch, bring it on, i'm ripped rofl “You asked for it.” Twilight charged up her horn, and Chin Chin just stood still ready to protect himself and the one who called him. “No!” bellowed a voice galloping into the frey. “Stop!” Everyone turned to see Big Mac skidding to a stop beside Applejack, panting over the fight he had just barely prevented. “Big Mac!” exclaimed Applejack. “What’s going on? Do you know where Pinkie Pie is?” “Eeyup!” he responded. “She’s in hell, like me!” Everyone, including Twilight and Applejack, were both deathly confused, but before their confusion could revert back to anger, Big Mac turned around and squatted like a dog would do before shitting, and shit he did, much to the shock of the partygoers around him. Instead of turds, however, something even more sinister came out. Another black-skinned Lycra, this one noticeably skinnier than Chin Chin came out of Big Mac’s anus accompanied by song. His eyes were covered by a pair of admittedly dope shades, and once he was pushed out to his chest, the Lycra slid quickly out of the stallions ass, and at once, Big Mac deflated, revealing his true identity as the Lycra’s disguise suit. “What is even happening today?” Rainbow Dash gagged. “Mr. Magic Man!” Frank spat, watching as he stood himself before the crowd. “What are you doing here?” “I’m here to take all that you love and eat ass!” the Lycra responded. “And I just came out of my last one!” “Pinkehhh!” Pink Guy screamed, his distress reaching critical levels. “Where’s Pinkie Pie, fuqboi?” “SHYUTTHAFUCHEUPP!” he barked back. “Where is Pinkie Pie?” Twilight cried out. “Answer me!” “She’s safe, but with or without her, you’re FUCKED!” “Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo…” Chin Chin said, exhausted. look, you stillborn waste of chromosomes, can you just give them the pink horse back so we can leave? “No! I have come all this way, and all the pieces are finally here!” “Ore wa ochinchin ga–” lol, i don’t know what you’re ta– Chin Chin’s words were painfully cut short when Mr. Magic Man suddenly appeared behind the dark god with his hand jammed into his back. Filthy Frank and his friends gasped heavily. “Your power’s mine now, beeyotch!” Mr. Magic Man laughed triumphantly. Both Mr. Magic Man and Chin Chin shook violently as the latter was drained and the former was filled with unbelievable wisdom and abilities that all gods, the old and the new, trembled before. “Ore wa ochinchin ga…” Mr. Magic Man thundered, “POWER!” “Unlimited…" “No, stop!” begged Frank. “You know not what you do!” “Pink Guy and Red Dick held each other as Chin Chin turned into a Chin Chin-shaped light and with a blinding flash, the dark lord was gone forever more. Instead, Mr. Magic Man only stood, a silver streak down the center of each frame of his glasses. “Oh, God!” wept Frank. “God can’t help you now, beeyotch!” Mr. Magic Man responded. “I was not able to defeat you with the memes, but with the dark lord’s power, I have manifested this disease within me into something far more cancerous: the fanon!” Frank yelped involuntarily, the sound of such a word already too horrible to hear. “That’s impossible! No one, not even the great Chin Chin could control such an evil power!” “On our own, you’d be right,” Mr. Magic Man said with pride, “but with him inside me, I can destroy the multirealm with my powers, and it’s all your fault!” “What, now?” Twilight queried unbeknownst to everyone else. “All I wanted you to do was love me, and now the only thing that brings me joy is to take all that you and your friends love and destroy it!” Twilight heard enough and stepped forward. “Well, you’re not getting that chance!” she boldly stated, charging her horn. “Fool!” Mr. Magic Man bellowed while in some kung-fu stance, floating up into the air. “You shall be the first example!” Flicking his hands down, two orange rays shot out of each hand and struck Twilight, causing the others to back away. Twilight had already put up a shield spell, which kept the energy from hitting her or anyone around her. Frank even gave a glimmer of a smile, hoping that she could actually win. When the rays ended, Twilight ceased her spell and looked up to Mr. Magic Man. “Is that all you have?!” she shouted. “Twily?” a sultry male voice suddenly called out. Twilight turned around, and the sight was at first terrifying as if she felt everything she was fall away from herself, but quickly turned to lust. It was her brother, Shining Armor, his red military jacket opened out and revealing his sweaty cheast. “Oh my sexy brother!” she growled lusciously. “Oh God, no!” Frank screamed. Shining Armor’s half-chub suddenly turned into a full erection as he tackled his sister, and before long, she laid her top half down with her ass fully up and her legs spread apart, inviting her brother’s manhood with her twitching horsecunt. Ponies screamed and ran for their lives as Shining Armor mounted her sister and plowed her like a 100-acre field. Frank pulled out a piece of paper and a sharpie marker, quickly, writing #TYBG upon it and quickly eating it. Frank’s hopes suddenly dipped as he continued waiting for a response from Lil B. “Twilight!” Rainbow Dash called, galloping toward her. Upon getting close, Twilight turned her head and blasted her friend with a magic spell, her face demonically contorted in anger at her. Once she was repelled far enough back, her lazy-eyed, wide smile looked came back as she continued to get fucked by her Big Brother Butt Fucker Forever. Rainbow Dash looked up to the entertained Mr. Magic Man. “Give her back!” she demanded, soaring up. “Let’s get keep this party going!” he responded, zapping her too with his powers. Before she could collide with him, he zipped up out of the way and let her land to the ground. When her hooves hit the grass, her eyes suddenly fell upon Frank. “Daddy?” she cried. “Daddy!” She galloped toward him, and as Frank turned around, she tackled him to the ground and smothered her body into his. “What the fuck!” Frank shouted, fearing for his life. “Daddy, it’s me, Dashie,” she said. “I found you at last!” “No… NO! I will not take part in your emotionally manipulative fanfiction bullshit!” “Too late, beeyotch!” replied Mr. Magic Man. “If only you loved me the same way you loved her!” “I don’t love her! GYAHH!” Filthy Frank’s words fell on deaf ears as his fake pony daughter continued to grab him and roll around with him like a child with her dad. Prometheus looked at both the incestuous nightmare and the phony familial bond with wide eyes and a constantly expressive mouth that refused to say anything. However, he found a wooden barrel beside a table that was used as a garbage bin. Mr. Magic Man laughed an evil laugh at the chaos he created, only to be pelted with the wooden barrel, which shattered upon contact. Mr. Magic Man looked down to see Prometheus with another barrel, Sweetie Belle standing beside him. Looking at his surroundings, Mr. Magic Man finally found the mint-green unicorn Lyra, and with a finger-snap and point, she was zapped with the fanon. She looked back and found Prometheus, becoming incredibly excited at his appearance despite the circumstances. “Oh my Celestia!” she shouted. “Is that a human!?” With a teleportation spell, she appeared before Prometheus and suddenly pinned him down with another spell, making him lose his barrel and subjecting himself to Lyra’s fanatic mercy. “Look at these hands,” she moaned, grinding her body against his while her hooves ran around the palms of his hands. Prometheus gasped for air like a fish, and like a fish, did not speak anything. Applejack was reduced to tears over the sight of her friends becoming what they had become, while Pink Guy, Salamander Man, and Red Dick held to each other, not knowing what hell Mr. Magic Man would subject them too. Lemon stood beside Frank, unsure of what to do himself. “Go!” Frank shouted to his Lycran friends. “Save yourselves!” Only Lemon could hear him, while the others only caught a glimpse of what he had asked. “Tickle fight!” Dashie suddenly announced. “Go on and- heeheeheeHAHAHAHAHAH!” Frank suddenly laughed. Pink Guy, Rainbow Dash, and Salamander Man looked to see their truest friend assaulted by the blue pegasus, his laughing sounding labored and agonizing. The three of them rushed to save them, only for her wings to catch them and tickle their bellies and armpits. “The more the merrier!” she chortled. “I loved making new friends with my daddy!” Lemon was now all alone as his friends were immobilized by the fanonized ponies. He crouched down with his hands on his lemon head and he began to scream. Mr. Magic Man noticed as the Lycran’s body began to glow with an intense citrusy scent. “No, you ungrateful cunt!” he screamed with an outstretched hand. “Get bbbbbbbbaaaaaaacccccckkkk........””””””” Time slowed down for Lemon as he suddenly awoke inside Realm 9.12, which appeared to be a Hoarders-level bedroom/basement filled with memorabilia of various anime and manga. The room was strangely very spacious and otherworldly, which wasn’t helped by the countless body pillows that stood along the walls like guards protecting this treasure trove of trash. Further down the hall, he could hear crying coming from an end of it, prompting Lemon to investigate. After passing shelves of nearly every volume of every known manga in existence, then passing by stacks of every Japanese-release DVD of lots and lots of anime, he finally reached the end of the room, which was a bed with once-white sheets that were now crusted and stained with old protein. On one side of the bed was a body pillow of Sakura Haruno, and beside it was a human male wearing an old, dirty female school uniform top with red-and-white striped pregnancy pants poorly concealing a large gut. “Hello?” Lemon asked him. “Why are you crying?” The man turned to Lemon and laid back down in his misery. “Hello, oh,” he said. “Bother don’t. Have no to reason I live.” “But why?” he asked, genuinely interested. “Naruto manga having ended after out found I after, knew anime would I the come an to end. Happens that when, die might I well as. Forget to Rosetta all I Japanese on Stone had, English same has learning been not and the again.” “What is your name?” “Jones Weeaboo. Least as, was I. That greatest recently it I shows and books wasn’t forgot end until that all the ever will eventually, done and I have life in nothing my, cringe one my been life has giant.” Suddenly, a marvelous thought appeared into Lemon’s head. It would quite possibly lead to his death, but if it meant the saving of his friends and the end of Mr. Magic Man’s tyrannical reign, it would be worth it. He offered Weeaboo Jones his outstretched hand. “Lend me your power,” he said. “My friends are in danger, and if we don’t save them, together, their realm, our realm, and every realm will be destroyed.” “It forget,” he said, slapping the hand away. “Naruto just of anime the rest peace I watch want in to the.” Lemon was losing him, but there was still a way. “Where I come from,” Lemon said, “life goes on forever after death, and it’s never wasted, but it’s only given to those who put themselves before others.” “Help and can I how?” “If you lend me your power, when you reach the afterlife, Naruto will never end, neither the manga or the anime, and Attack on Titan will have already released its second season and continue going into infinity. All you have to do is give me the power of your cringe.” “R- really? Promise you?” “I would never lie in the face of an ally.” With anime-style waterfall tears from his eyes, Weeaboo Jones grabbed Lemon’s hand, and the two were encompassed in light. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= “ –back here!” Mr. Magic Man shouted to Lemon. Lemon opened his eyes, now aglow with power. Biting his thumb and drawing blood, he turned around and whipped his arm out at Mr. Magic Man, a drop of his blood morphing into a small lemon and sailing straight into Mr. Magic Man’s head. Such an unprecedented amount of strength seemed to scare Mr. Magic Man. Lemon turned to face Frank and his Lycra friends, then blew into his palm, creating a cloud of lemon zest that covered them and Rainbow Dash. When it faded, their movements stopped, and they looked at each other with sheer confusion. “What exactly were we doing?” she asked. “Heyey!” Pink Guy exclaimed, pointing at Lemon. They all stood up to see Lemon encased in a golden aura facing Mr. Magic Man with death in his eyes, fueling a song of hope from nearly out of nowhere. “Bakana,” Frank was compelled to say. “He has mastered his lemonjutsu.” “His what, now?” Rainbow Dash asked. The music picked up in tempo and Lemon charged at Lyra atop of Promtheus still. With a kick, Lyra came off of Prometheus, and before she could teleport away, Lemon transmutated the dust and dirt around her into a lemony mist, and the acidity of his lemony attack made Lyra cringe and fall to the ground. When she opened her eyes, she saw Prometheus stand himself back up. “Hey it’s the guy from the bakery,” she said in a casual voice. Realizing he was free and that she was no longer crazy, Prometheus smiled and looked up to Mr. Magic Man, who was horrified over the resistance. Lemon made his way to Twilight and Shining Armor still getting it on, only for Mr. Magic Man to raise the earth around him and form a towering wall. Lemon was not so easily deterred. Shooting out lemony syrup from the side of his waist, he shot up the wall and ran up. Once he made it over he dove down towards the abominable display of incest and produced two blades in his hand made from his hardened lemon syrup. With a hero’s landing, Lemon cut Shining Armor in half, who faded away like the projection he was. Without her brother there, Twilight came to, standing up to see Rainbow Dash and the others cheering him on. She looked to him with a sense of wonder, realizing their mutual bond. “Yo,” Applejack said, coming up to them and crouching in position for a buck, “need a lift?” Lemon raised a finger to let Applejack know to wait. Reaching in his ass, he pulled out a lemon and presented it to Twilight. Pulling his hands apart while making his empty hand wider, Twilight understood the gesture with a nod. Lemon tossed the lemon to Prometheus and jumped up towards Applejack, who already started reeling her legs back. As Applejack pushed up and launched Lemon at Mr. Magic Man, Twilight cast a spell on the lemon and made it the size of a barrel. Prometheus caught the fruit with ease and looked up just in time to see Lemon catch Mr. Magic Man and throw each other into the ground. The two of them began to wrestle, with Lemon getting the upper hand. “Do it!” Lemon shouted, knowing the moment was opportune. Prometheus ran to Mr. Magic Man with the lemon and raised it up behind him, intending to strike. Before Lemon could get caught, Twilight teleported herself to his side and grabbed him, teleporting away just in time. Prometheus slammed the lemon atop of Mr. Magic Man, the cringy sourness completely destroying the bond between Mr. Magic Man and Chin Chin. Mr. Magic Man was unconscious while Chin Chin hopped away. “Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo.” god, what a retarded fight that was lol Mr. Magic Man then began to fade away in a light and morph into a pony, only for the pony to turn out to be Pinkie Pie. “Whoa,” she said, “where am I?” “Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. She, Twilight, Applejack, ran over and gave their friend a long overdue hug. Pink Guy even joined in, happy to see her alive and well. “Wow,” Pinkie Pie chirped, “getting greeted by old and new friends!” While the ponies welcomed their friend back, Frank, Red Dick, Salamander Man, and Prometheus gathered around Lemon, who writhed as his lemony head grew moldy. “Lemon,” Frank said, choking up, “you saved us all. But how?” “Ra…” he tried to say, too weak to remember English. “Rasengan.” “Rasengan?” Frank wondered aloud, suddenly realizing the terrible truth. “No… You didn’t…” Before Frank could lose it, Red Dick put his hand on his shoulder. “私の友人を泣かないで,” he said. “最初に彼の悲惨さから彼を置きます。あなたは悲しむことができます。” “Don’t cry, my friend. Put him out of his misery first. Then you can mourn.” Frank stood still, unsure whether he could do that to such a brave soul and friend. “Rasengan!” Lemon shouted, his mold growing fast. “Rasen–” Frank immediately shot Lemon in the head with his arm crossing under his knee, but he did so with a proud smile on his face. Many of his former friends did deserve to die, whether it be becoming weeaboos or terrible internet rappers, but Lemon did not deserve to go, but chose to anyway. His death deserved honor, and honor is what he got.
Gibe de Pusi B0ssFilthy Frank and all of his friends stood inside Princess Celestia’s chambers beside Twilight and her friends, also including Fluttershy, Rarity, and Spike, all of whom minus the dragon had saddlebags on their back. They, along with Celestia, Princess Luna, and the royal guards lining the way, looked up at a stained glass window with Lemon on it, and by that, I mean there was a moderately competent color-pencil drawing on a basic stained glass window held by Scotch tape. Regardless, Frank and his friends could not be more proud of their friend’s accomplishment. “He did it,” Frank stated. “He saved this world, and he will be remembered for generations.” The paper drawing unstuck from the wall, where it fluttered to the ground beside a guard. The guard pinned the paper beneath his boot and kicked it back toward the wall to be thrown out later. “So,” Frank said to the princesses, “my friend has saved your world and gave his life to do so. In return, we would like a fuckton of gold for our services.” “Are you insane?” Luna bellowed. “Your friends endangered the lives of our ponies, and you shot one of them dead before we could have helped him!” “What, you mean Mr. Magic Man?! Fuck that guy, he’s an asshole! And Lemon was turning into a fucking weeaboo! What else was I supposed to do?” “Enough! The fact that my sister and I haven’t returned you all to your home only serves as a testament to our patience!” “Luna,” cooed Celestia, “that’s enough.” She then turned to face them. “While I agree with my sister that your existence here is what started this mess from the beginning…” “Ore wa,” Chin Chin breathed under his breath. cunt, lol “…I still acknowledge that without your friend’s help, we indeed would have been met with a terrible fate. For that, I may grant you one reasonable favor from me.” Pink Guy stepped up, and the princesses looked to him, awaiting his request. “Can I…” he said meekly. “Can I…” The princesses leaned in, unsure of when he would finally spit it out. “Can I habe de pusi pls?” “I want to be inside one of you, rotfl!” “Pussy?” Fluttershy wondered. “I know, I’ll let you adopt one of my cats!” “No!” Frank barked at her with a sharp wave of his arm. His outburst sent all but the guards aback, and knowing what he had to do, he calmed down and went back to the princesses. “What he meant to say was…” he said with much sincerity, “that he’d like to say goodbye to the chillins, you know what I’m sayin’, dawg?” Celestia and Luna looked to each other crossly. It was quite informal how he addressed them, but his wish seemed harmless enough, and it would send them out of their hair once and for all. =_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_= Sweetie Belle was playing with her friends out at a mostly vacant park, only for Frank and his friends to approach them. While Apple Bloom and Scootaloo acknowledged their appearance, Sweetie Belle looked glad to see them. “Guys,” she said, able to look them all in the eye without staring at Prometheus, “what are you doing here?” “Look kid,” Frank said, “we have to go home now. Personally, I would have gone straight the fuck back to my crib by now and made an oil drum of ramen for dinner, but there’s someone who just wants to say goodbye before we leave.” Pink Guy stepped forwards and knelt down to the three fillies, each of whom began to approach him. He then outstretched his arms for a big hug. “Gibe de pusi, b0ss,” he invited with an inward motion towards himself with this fingers. “Come here.” The three fillies leapt into his embrace and he held them tight for as long as they would allow. The lycrans and Prometheus looked quite touched by this farewell, especially Salamander Man, who rubbed his nipples far slower than usual. Pink Guy felt that the hug was beginning to go a bit too long, but he suddenly formed a shit-eating grin on his face and turned to Chin Chin. “ey, b0ss!” he shouted. “Hurry, lol, while they’re distracted!” “Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuke,” he replied. i thought you’d never ask! One jumpcut later, everyone was transported to Frank’s apartment’s living room, the three fillies still in Pink Guy’s grasp confused by their new, alien surroundings. “Hey,” Scootaloo said, “where did we go?” Before they could get an answer, Salamander Man pulled a belt from beneath a pile of syringes on the floor and lashed Red Dick across the back as hard as he humanly could. “Ow, motherfucker!” Red Dick screamed in fluent af English, succumbing to his knees. Pink Guy smiled and let the fillies go, glad to be back home to play with his friends. Sweetie Bell and her two friends suddenly got frightened and backed into a moldy sofa, watching the chaos unfold again. Chin Chin spread himself on his fours and screamed otherworldly yelps with a spinning of his head while Red Dick drop kicked Salamander Man and Pink Guy dry-humped Prometheus. “What’s going on?” cried Apple Bloom, with tears in her eyes. Frank dove to the ground inches from their bodies and shouted, “Welcome to the rice fields, motherfuckeeeee…” Frank’s declaration was cut off as Red Dick pulled him away so that Prometheus could swing Pink Guy down by his leg and onto Frank’s back. “Gyaeh!” Pink Guy yelped. “My fucking ribs!” cried Frank, his back arched in agony. As the violence-orgy continued on, no one noticed as Creepy Dude, with his deflated head and black skin, rushed in and snatched the three screaming fillies, going straight into Frank’s bedroom where they would most likely never be seen again. Author's Note
