Chapter 4: Breakthrough

It was the evening she first let Flash Sentry see her studio.

She'd held back on this step for a while, for a number of reasons. If this had been Equestria, she wouldn't have thought twice about it, given that he was the closest thing she had to a friend on this side of the Portal, but she knew that Human customs were different. She knew that many Human males would assume that if she invited him home, she meant to give herself to him, then and there. Flash seemed different, but she had little trust in general in the barbarians.

Sunset had little fear of him. She'd analyzed the weak spots of the ape-thing anatomy, and she was fairly certain she could stop him if he tried to force her -- rape was a form of madness to which the male ape-things seemed distressingly-susceptible. She'd made a point of studying the necessary technique, before she'd dated any of the others. Sunset had only ever had to hurt any of them a little before they gave up their nefarious designs.

But she didn't want to hurt Flash Sentry. He was her only friend. It would be so unbearably sad if he turned out to be just another barbarian, just another ape-thing whom she could not trust, whom she had to buck like any monster coming out of some wilderness. If she drove him away, she'd be alone -- alone with the ordinary ape-things. And she was starting to believe that he actually had at least a glimmer of the Harmony.

So she let him know beforehand that she wasn't going to have sex with him. He had already noticed that she was sexually-prudent by Human standards -- he had said that he respected her all the more for this, but who could trust the word of a barbarian? -- and she decided to take the risk. It had been so very, very long since she'd been able to just relax at home with another Pony -- well, he wasn't really a Pony, but he acted so very Pony that sometimes she was able to forget that he was really an ape-thing, he was such a sweet ape-thing, maybe if this had been Equestria and he had been Pony, she might have -- she didn't know, but she knew she really liked his company.

She was so very tired of being alone.

So she took him home with her, and they brought their guitars, and they jammed together, and their music seemed to merge into a perfect harmonious whole, each of them anticipating the ideas of the other, two minds and hearts meeting on a plane where there was neither Pony nor Human, civilized nor barbarian, just two beings who were sharing something beautiful and wonderful, two souls touching through the medium of music. It was like the groupsongs that sometimes spontaneously happened back home, something else she suddenly realized she missed beyond measure, but far more intimate than any she had ever known. It was magic, in the metaphorical sense the poor mage-blind ape-things often used the term: it was transcendent.

They played on and on and on together, and then they finished one last song and, without a word, carefully put down their guitars and then fell into each other's arms, meeting in a long and passionate embrace they did not bother to break as they sank down together on her couch, kissing hungrily, as if they meant to drown in each other. Sunset's soul sang to a different sort of music as she caressed his own hard body, so very wonderfully-different in its maleness from her own athletic but softer female form; and he responded with firm but gentle caresses of his own, his every touch, anywhere upon her, filling her with joy due to his reality, his separateness and yet willing and evident desire to join with her.

She had kissed him before, of course, many times during their dates, and had even previously permitted him access to the oversized teats that Human females bore all the time, even when they were not with foal or suckling, even when they were virgin. He was the only male she'd ever let touch her like that, a sign of her trust in him. She had found that curiously pleasurable, strangely both soothing and exciting at one and the same time, loving to hold him in her embrace while he caressed and sucked her in an alien manner, a position which would have been far more difficult for two Ponies with their heads close together.

Now, she abandoned all resistance to his actions. As he held her, his hands strayed onto her buttocks and thighs, her lower belly, and she did not attempt to check him, either with words or deeds, as she would have any other male who attempted such intimacies. Instead, she ran her own hands -- such glorious instruments of dexterity and tactile feedback! she thought muzzily -- all over his muscular form, caressing his own flanks and straying behind, breathing hard, and happily noting the effects of her experimentation upon his own breathing rate.

His hands went lower on her belly, higher on her legs. She parted her thighs slightly, following an instinct that seemed to come with her Human form, and he touched her, first very gently and lightly, on her sex. At this she gasped and arched her back, pressing her panty-covered crotch into his hand, maximizing the contact, overcome with the sensation of his fingers upon the entrance to her most intimate zone, separated from her only by a thin strip of cotton whose dampness, she realized, must betray to him her lust, if he had somehow missed the evidence of her smell, her cries, her own ardent caresses. She closed her eyes, overcome by her passion.

She twitched her hips slightly, unconsciously attempting to ensure her nonexistent tail was completely out of the way, the expression of an instinct she had never fully realized her old form had. Something was still between her and his touch. She wanted Flash so badly; why was she even wearing this stupid garment about her nethers? It was the sort of thing that only went with a formal ball gown, and she was alone in her house with her Special Somepony, she wasn't going to a formal dance, she was about to make love with her stallion ...

Suddenly, her mind caught up with the full reality of what she was doing, what she was about to do, a step about to be taken, a boundary to be crossed beyond which there would be no easy return. She opened her eyes, and she saw Flash looking lustfully, lovingly down at her, caught in the throes of his own need, and she remembered with a shock that he was no Pony, no Equestrian stallion, but an ape-thing male, a barbarian.

Will he rape me? she wondered. Take me, whether I want it or no? It seemed a definite possibility at this point, but she could muster no will to strike him, to make use of what she had learned of the vulnerabilities of the Human anatomy. This was Flash, and if he were an ape-thing barbarian he was a very dear ape-thing barbarian, and she could not bring herself to do him any harm. Fear and desire briefly warred within her soul ...

... And Flash must have seen this in her eyes, for a communication passed between them in some way that she could not adequately explain, neither then nor after, for his own expression changed, the lust left his face, and he removed his hand from her private parts, releasing her from his embrace. She clung to him slightly, and they held one another loosely, affectionately.

"I'm sorry," Flash said to her. "I ... I lost control ... forgive me."

Sunset looked into his blue eyes, his familiar face, and for a moment it meant nothing to her that he was mostly hairless, his face absurdly flat-muzzled, his form anthropoid. Restraint, she thought with wonder. He's just shown sexual restraint. But he's ... a barbarian ...? A Human male. How can he have the virtue of an Equestrian stallion?

In that one, glorious moment it seemed as if he were in truth Pony, or she Human, or that perhaps form really did not matter, not compared to their common sapience, the similarities in their souls. She felt overwhelmed by a sudden deep trust in him, a sense that, on the level that things really mattered, they were the same sort of being, united in Friendship, and Love.

Briefly -- it was just a flash -- she saw an image from her memory. Or was it a glimpse, somehow vouchsafed by a kindly fate?

It was the Alicorn filly from the mirror, herself, but more herself than she had ever known, spreading her wings in joy, smiling at her in approval, as if she had just done something right.

And that reminded her of her larger purpose, her greater destiny.

If she gave herself to Flash, she would be lost. She knew that. If she let herself love him, she would be lost. Even if no foal came of it, she would not be able to leave this world. She would, emotionally, forget who and what she really was, and be content to be a Human woman. Never return to Equestria. Never Ascend.

She could not let that happen. She had been chosen to become an Alicorn Princess. That was what she would become. Whether Celestia approved of it, or no. It was what she really was.

She detached herself, gently but firmly, from Flash's embrace.

"I ... I'm sorry too, Flash," she said shakily, smoothing down her skirt. "I was ... the music ..."

"We're really good together," Flash said, reaching out tentatively for her, and Sunset didn't think he was only talking about the music. "I've never felt ... with anyone else."

She smiled bitterly. "Me neither, Flash," she said. "Me neither." It was nothing but the truth.

"I ... do you want me to go?" he asked her.

Oh, Flash, no, she thought to herself. You're making this too easy. You're too nice -- why are you so nice? You really should have been an Equestrian stallion. But then, of course, if you were an Equestrian stallion, I fear my answer would be different.

"Yes," she said, meeting his gaze. "I'm sorry, but right now -- I need to think about this -- I think it would be better if you went ..."

He looked dismayed, and she felt a pang of remorse. He's such a sweet barbarian! Almost, she changed her mind.

But the memory of the Alicorn firmed her resolution.

"Yes," she said. "I need to be alone right now."

He apologized again, gathered his things and stepped over to the door.

At that moment she ran over to him, hugged him fiercely. "Not forever," she said hoarsely, almost unable to control her own voice. "Just for now. I'm afraid ... if we continued ... I couldn't ..."

"I understand," he said, returning the embrace, stroking her hair and shoulders, gently kissing her on the top of her head. He cupped her face, looked intently into her eyes. "I ... I care for you, Sunset," he said. "You're my friend. I'd never want to hurt you."

"I ... I ... you mean a lot to me too, Flash," she said, and she was telling the complete truth. "I don't want to hurt you either ... I'm afraid that I just did ... I ... you're special. You're not like all the others."

"Others?" he asked, a slight edge of stress in his voice.

She saw her mistake, and the mistake that he had made in his interpretation.

"Other guys at school," she said. "I'd never be with them -- like we were just now -- only with you. They're jerks. You're not."

"Oh," he said. "They're not so bad." He smiled. "I'll try to keep on being me, then." He opened the door. "See you later, then?" There was uncertainity in his eyes.

She flung herself into his arms, gave him one last passionate kiss.

"Yes, Flash," she eventually said, smiling back at him. "See you later."

They bid farewell, tenderly stroking each others' cheeks, and when Flash walked down the way from her studio, Sunset was glad to see his step was still jaunty.

He almost makes me wish I could stay here, Sunset reflected. I know it's the contrast with the other barbarians -- I know his kind aren't that uncommon in Equestria, she told herself, with emphasis. Still -- he's too good for this cruel culture. It needs more like him, if it's ever to attain the Harmony. I wish ... I can't, she concluded sadly.

Depending on what I do when I finally master the magic of this world, I may wind up hurting some of the ape-things, she reflected. I don't really want to, but in the end they're not Ponies, she reminded herself. Just ape-things. Only barbarians.

Still, when she remembered the look of love in Flash's blue eyes ...

I won't hurt him, she promised herself. Any of the others, but not him. Never him.

Blinking back what must have been the effects of a stray dust speck in her eyes, she closed the door, and returned to her room ...

... And saw the light blinking on her detector. It had registered a thaumic event.